Rajani's POV and thoughts on all of what happened up until now.
Rajani and Sans have a conversation.

Next week there will be more Sansiranda tied together shenanigans. For now enjoy.

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-insert words- Is for written text
insert words Is for Miranda's mind talk and thoughts in general
insert words Is for Rajani's mind talk
insert words Is for sign language
_*insert words Is for battle commands
"InsertName" & INSERT STATS & *insert soul script Is for checking Soul Stats
+insert name and timeframe+ & +insert text+ Is for texting.
~insert lyrics~ Is for songs
=insert words= Is for Mirbot speaking
=insert words= Is for Rajbot speaking
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o Is for scenes that you might want to avoid reading.
-insert text- Is for a PTSD induced full blown flashback
# insert text # Is for Chara speaking

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Chapter 52: The Other Side of the Coin

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-Rajani's POV-

Rajani had always considered herself as pretty darn useless at most of anything. It came from the whole sharing a body thing, really. She had decided to let Miranda have control of their body from the moment she and her had a truce. She knew that if she'd had control of it back then, she would have been handing asses like a bitch on butler island (if said bitch was genderbending as one of the butlers like Misaki on Maid wa Kaichou-sama) or one of those free sample galls that shoved scraps of paper covered in chemically obtained scents from the super new perfume that everyone just HAD to know about (and also buy)!

But Miranda had convinced her otherwise. Miranda have shown her that there was a chance this world might not be so far gone just yet. So, she let her had their mutual body and was content on just observing.

She had only wanted to protect her mind sister as best she could, while staying away from others. She only came out to kick the asses of some of the most troubling assholes that kept pestering Miranda. She was fine with watching from afar as Miranda started making friends and had been blinded by relief and happiness when Miranda met Sophie.

Admittedly, Sophie's relation of friendship with Miranda could be construed as not completely healthy by some nitpicky critics on hindsight. But at the time no one really cared on psychoanalyzing it much further than 'yup, these two are best friends'.

Miranda had been bullied by her own classmates at the time. Sophie changed classes to flee from people who were bullying her and wound up on Miranda's class. Wanting to have at least one person on her side despite it all before the others turned the new student against her, Miranda had approached first. Some would say that was an awful reason to approach someone for a friendship. To that Rajani would say: What's it to you, you rampant abomination of nature that was so ugly that the cow mothering you had preferred to abort you as a fetus!? What do you know about being ostracized by reasons you didn't know? What do you know about fearing that your whole class will turn one more person against you for no good reason? What do you know about loneliness?

No one had questioned it at the time so Rajani never got to give that speech.

Likewise, Sophie's reason for befriending Miranda wasn't exactly pure either. In fact, it turned out it was even more harmful than Miranda's reason to befriend her.

Miranda was already the omega of the class. Picking on her would have much effect on Sophie other than making her one of the jerks. Ignoring her was the same. But befriending her? She would get to have an ally. She hadn't become a target by befriending Miranda but she had gained a faithful ally. And so long as she remained in the same class as her, the attention wouldn't deviate to her. It would also make her look like a good person. After all, if she was friends with a person being bullied instead of doing the bullying, anyone observing from the outside would see her as an urban hero.

Sure, Sophie might not have been doing it with that intent initially. No thirteen-year-olds are that smart. But it always struck Rajani as funny how Sophie never got a trashed upon as much as Miranda. Heck, she barely got any mean comments about her so something must have been happening on the background that neither Miranda nor Rajani had realized.

And, like Rajani had mentioned before, she was blinded by hope and the happiness for Miranda.

She wasn't as blinded when they met Daniel, though. Sure, he had seemed like a nice misunderstood kid at first, a bit childlike for his age of sixteen. She had seen that there was something more developing between the two. Miranda, after her experiences with her first boyfriend, had pretended to be completely oblivious to it. It's not that she didn't entertain some thoughts now and again, much like she was entertaining nowadays towards Sans, but she did not want to ruin the beautiful friendship they had by trying something she wasn't sure would work out. Even though it hadn't been any of her fault, she still bore the weight on her shoulders that she should have known better than to start dating someone due to peer pressure and curiosity. And with the schoolfriends around starting to ship them two as more than besties, that only made her even more reluctant on making a mistake. She was afraid of giving into peer pressure again. Afraid to go into this relationship thinking she had true feeling and finding out it was just more curiosity and peer pressure and ruining the pure friendship she had.

That couldn't have been further from the truth. In fact, the polar opposite had happened. This time she had true feelings.

But him?

He had as much feelings for her as a stalker has for their victim. He probably convinced himself that they were true (not unusual for horny teenagers that would like to think of themselves as more than horn dogs) but there was no way he felt more than obcession for her. He later even came to admit her had fallen, not for her as she was back then, but for the potential of what she could become.

Such pretty words with such dark true meanings…

He might claim all he wanted that he wasn't looking for perfection when it came to her. That he didn't mind her flaws. But the moment he claims that he fell for her potential it automatically means he had a vision of what he wanted her to become, consciously or not! No one can claim they love someone for their potential if they don't have any expectations. He then proceeded by nudging her to improve herself. That would have been fine if a) she wasn't doing it for him but for herself, and b) if he didn't already have an ideal he was aspiring of grooming her into and actually truly loved her unconditionally.

Of course, at the beginning Rajani didn't know any of that. He only came to admit it much later in the relationship, though he had started on trying to 'improve' Miranda from the start. Funny that he always took it bad when Miranda tried to repay the favor by improving him instead.

That being said, she never really liked him much after he started trying to change her mind sister. It went to the point that it actually hurt Miranda. Rajani had felt it in their minds. Miranda was hurting but Daniel's nudging was subtle enough and Miranda was blind in love enough that she never could see why she was hurting.

And then the lies…

Rajani began taking notice of all those things. She began to dislike the picture that was forming. She disliked it even more when Miranda had been told of Daniel's multiple personality, Ruben, who was potentially dangerous but hadn't cared to tell Miranda about it beforehand.

Rajani could understand not doing it because he was afraid of her reaction. Miranda had done the same, after all, and it would be hypocritical to think otherwise. But while Miranda never once thought Rajani would ever be a danger to Daniel before then, that hadn't been the same for him. He had wholly believed that his other personality was dangerous and he still kept that knowledge for himself. How could Miranda protect herself from something she didn't know would attack her?

As if that wasn't always a whole truck load of negative brownie-points for him, Daniel also had the nerve of thinking of Rajani as the villain who kept tormenting Miranda with thoughts of murder and gore. Even though Miranda had told him they had a truce going, he hadn't cared to know more and simply labeled her as a villain.

That hadn't been good for Rajani's not very stellar mental health. Or for Miranda's for that matter. Rajani had tried to make herself be gone for several times and had almost dragged Miranda with her some of those. That was why she couldn't fault Miranda for trying to kill herself and almost dragging her with her. That would be beyond hypocritical.

She wouldn't bother thinking too deeply into what happened next. That was something that she already knew acutely. She had tried so hard to get her away from Daniel without much success. Miranda had been too far gone in love to care about, or even noticing, what he had been doing to her. Then things fell apart and Rajani was left tending after her.

Rajani could still remember how Miranda had acted. The first week was filled with disbelief. She kept expecting Daniel to call or try to contact her in anyway, telling her that it had been all a mistake, a nasty prank gone too far, that he still loved her. She felt so detached from the world around her. Her fruitless hope kept floating her higher and higher, further and further away from reality, until it eventually burst like a soap bubble and Miranda fell down on the ground and slammed into it with major impact. That was when she realized that there really was no hope. That he truly hated her from the bottom of his heart for something that hadn't even been her fault. She started wondering if it had actually been her fault, but even she couldn't delude herself into thinking it. Not that she hadn't tried to. She had.

She loved him and wanted him back desperately. After how much he had fucked with her mental state, she had no other choice but to believe she needed him. Despite that, she was prideful enough not to go running after him, knowing full well that doing so would only enable him into thinking he could do this every time he so chose and continue to hurt her that way to get what he wanted. Either that or he would spit in her face, victorious over his 'dreadful' ex-girlfriend still wanting him back.

Rajani had never felt prouder on Miranda than at that point. Even at her weakest, Miranda had stood her ground and kept to what she knew was right instead of what her feelings wanted her to do. Rajani had seen to many men using women's feeling to manipulate them anyway they wanted. It gave her hope that Miranda fought back. Rajani had thought that, with this, she could rest assured that Miranda would be ok. That she didn't need as much protection as she had assumed.

But things didn't get better.

Miranda's metal state was getting weaker and weaker after all of what Daniel and Sophie had done to her and Rajani could feel it acutely. So, Rajani tried to do something rash. She tried to merge back into Miranda. She knew that the healthy way for a multiple personality situation to go would be to merge again with its source and she hoped that, by giving Miranda her own strength, she would be able to recover at long last.

Miranda had tried to kill herself before she could do it.

Useless.

Rajani had never felt so useless.

She had failed in every single way to protect her mind sister. There was no denying it. All she could do was take over their body and let Miranda heal on the inside of their minds.

It hadn't been easy. Rajani was a different person altogether from Miranda. Fortunately, her family attributed it to recovering from a major breakup and didn't read too much into it. The hardest part had been keeping her promise to Miranda. Miranda, before Rajani had taken over for good, had made her promise not to go after her abusers. But…

The rage Rajani felt for them was unrivaled. She'd wanted to go Jack the Ripper on them, only she would actually keep them alive for the ripping instead of slashing their throats in a mercy kill. Heck, she would do much worse than Jackie boy had done. She would make sure they would beg for death long before she actually killed them. All that stopped her was her promise, which she took very seriously, and the fear that, by breaking it, Miranda would choose to end her life for good.

That year had been hard on Rajani but she got through it and so had Miranda. Things started to go right again and that was on Miranda. Sure, Rajani had kept her locked that first year for her safety but she wasn't doing the best of jobs at it. Deep down, she was still pretty useless.

And then three years ago things came crashing down again.

This time Rajani didn't have to keep you alive but taking over, but her presence had been of most value to you. As sad and wrong as it was of her, the fact that she had been to some help to Miranda had made her finally stop calling herself useless.

In those three years, Rajani and the pack had been her whole world, something that Raj both loved and hated. She loved how much she cared about her and how much time she could dedicate to her, as selfish as that was. She hated how lonely she was and how hopeless and depressed.

Rajani had tried everything she could to make Miranda happy again. She didn't regret the inner strength Miranda had gained along those years, but she regretted that said strength was paid with such high prices and had cost her her family and happiness. Seeing Miranda sad and depressed had made her depressed as well. Life had lost it's meaning for them both.

And then the whole thing with the monsters happened.

It started by Papyrus saving them both in that alley. Rajani had known how close Miranda had been to giving up and would forever be thankful to the tall skeleton for reigniting something in her.

She wasn't as forever thankful when Miranda decided to repay the favor. Rajani was relieved when every place Mir had tried to go to with intentions of warning everyone about the attack would find the mere idea of it happening ludicrous. As much as she felt bad for the skeleton, she loved her sister much more. Sure, she would go to his memorial if he died, but she wouldn't have willingly put her sister in danger to save him.

It ultimately wasn't her choice. Miranda had chosen to do that so Rajani couldn't really deny her. She knew that Miranda was really determined to go through with it and she really couldn't do anything against that level of determination. In the end, wanting it or not, Rajani had to go along with the ride. All she could do was pray that no one gave her sister a chance to help and keep Miranda safe as much as she could after she found an opening. Unfortunately, Mettaton had opened the doors that Rajani had hoped stayed closed.

They had both almost died that day.

Looking back on it, Rajani didn't regret it as much, given the way things were now, but at the time she'd felt very much conflicted and afraid. All those changes and the danger… Rajani had to keep all those negative feelings from showing to her sister. Miranda had already enough shit to worry about, after all.

She was fine now. She even had her own body. Except… something else was messing with her peace of mind.

Sans.

Rajani had been ambivalent to him at the beginning and hated him after the threat he placed on them both. He had certainly started with the truck load of negative brownie-points that Daniel had taken some time to acquire.

But had steadily started getting some positive brownie points. Sure, at times he lost a few of them and Rajani handed negative brownie points much more freely than she handed positive ones. So, the fact that he was quickly catching up to neutral territory once more left her feeling uneasy.

Rajani didn't want him to earn her respect. Rajani didn't want him to become worthy of her sister. Rajani didn't want him to be their friend.

But what Rajani wanted didn't really matter in the end.

She had seen how Miranda had gradually begun to act around the short skeleton. She had caught certain trains of thought from her. It was obvious she was starting to feel something for the skeleton. Heck she already felt something for him. The only reason things hadn't progressed on her part was the fact that Miranda was refusing to see all the signs. It's not that she didn't see them. She just refused to face them. Acknowledging them was on par with a game over with no other chance to change to reset a game and go back.

Truthfully, Rajani was thankful for that denial. The more Miranda kept denying, the more time Rajani had to either kick Sans away from her or resentfully appraise him as somewhat acceptable and the chances of that happening were severely limited… though not as much as she would have liked).

Unfortunately, she knew that the reasons why Miranda refused to see weren't at all healthy and the nurturing side of her wouldn't stand for it. She couldn't allow for Miranda to grow anymore unhealthy habits if she could help it.

That was why, despite having her heart in panic over the prospects of Miranda investing in a relationship with the skeleton, Rajani poked and prodded some. Sure, they were halfhearted attempts, but Miranda wouldn't be able to handle too much at once anyway (as evidenced by her latest freakout) so rajani didn't need to be too intent on informing her.

Miranda was nearing the end of her rope, now that she had no other option other than to admit she was physically attracted Sans, but she was still struggling with -and denying- her feelings. The mere hint that she might have feelings was enough to set her off. And the way she talked herself into believing Sans had a thing for Toriel? Even Rajani was concerned about her vehemence.

She acted as if Sans being into Toriel (and therefor not into her) was crucial to her survival or something.

Rajani doubted Miranda would admit her own feelings anytime soon…

That left Rajani with the issue of what to do about Sans.

Which led to the current situation, she guessed.

"what do you want, slasher?" Were his first words at seeing that her side of the soul had taken over.

"You know, the whole world doesn't revolve around you." You told him with a bitter undertone.

"then why are you here?" Poor Cueball was feeling frustrated? Too bad!

"Miranda is asleep. I'm still wide awake. Aren't you supposed to be a really smart, Cueball? Do the math!" You shot back. "I'm not any happier by this turn of events than you are. I hoped that I would be fast asleep by the time she came to bed. Unfortunately, one can't just force themselves to sleep out of sheer will."

"… that much is true, i'll give you that." Sans admitted.

Rajani pondered how to proceed from here. She was pretty sure Sans was feeling as put on the spot as she was. She guessed it was time to do some prodding at the skeleton and see if she could take back some brownie-points from him. But how… ?

"She trusts you." Rajani said matter of fact-ly.

"miranda?" He asks hesitatingly.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Rajani shot back.

Who else would Rajani be talking about. There was no one else in the room! It's not like she went out of her way to talk to someone else in the household. Sure, she was capable of holding a conversation if one was initiated and of talking to others when she needed something but she was never overly friendly.

Well… admittedly she was learning to be less asocial lately…

Still, the context should have more than clued mister genius in on who she'd been talking about.

"not really, but I still wanted to make sure we were talking about the same person, here." He retorted and then proceeded with his typical troll-face on. "wouldn't if be awkward if you were talking about brownie while I kept assuming you were talking about someone else like tori or alphys? you would ask if-"

"Shush, no getting off topic!" She interrupted him.

Not that she couldn't admit that such a misunderstanding would be followed by a very interesting conversation. It would and she knew that. Heck, any other situation she could actually see herself becoming friends with him. That only made her want to hate him even more.

He had threatened her mind sister, the only person in the world that mattered to her. He had snooped around trying to find out their secrets at some point. Sure, he gave up after Miranda got beyond pissed with him, but the fact was that he had still done it initially. For someone who is pretty secretive himself, it really burned Rajani how he wouldn't allow her Mir the same.

That plus all the trust issues she had made it really difficult for Rajani to accept him. She wanted to hold onto the rage and distrust he had elicited in her. She didn't want Miranda to get hurt again. She wouldn't be able to deal with what happened to Miranda once more. She just couldn't. She wasn't strong enough to keep her alive if she gave up in a manner so utterly complete again. At least with the flashbacks there was a tiny bit of Miranda that she could grasp to keep her afloat. The part that knew her sister was alive and wanted to be there for her. This last time Rajani had more to hold onto and even then, it was difficult to resist The Pull. If Miranda gave up completely just like she had when Daniel tore her apart, Rajani doubted she could keep her alive.

No, Rajani couldn't afford having anyone take a hold on her mind sister's heart.

"Like I said. She trusts you." Rajani repeated once more, her resolve solidifying in a shield of stone around her heart.

She would be ruthless with any potential suitor!

"She even felt comfortable enough with you around to let you see her soul. She clung to you for comfort." She continued, fixing her glare on Sans' eye lights. "My question is: What do you plan to do with her trust?"

"whoa. why do you assume that i'm going to use her in some way?" He gasped seemingly offended, though trying to remain as close to his comedian persona as he could.

She didn't give a shit that he was feeling offended. Let him be angry and prove her right! Let him lash out!

He, of course, did none of those things.

She would just have to press harder.

"You're a guy. It's in your male nature to take advantage of a vulnerable female." Ok, that was too 'feminazi' even for her, but she wanted him to give her a reason. Just one reason!

"you don't seem to have very high opinion of the male species."

"I don't." And she really didn't. Most men tended on following the 'norms' of male social behavior by fucking as much women as they could. Not all of them did, but a large significant enough margin did and that made her cautious around even seemingly nice gentleman. That being said… it wasn't just about gender. "But if I have to be honest I don't have very high opinion of anything capable of rational thinking that has opposable thumbs. Or anything capable of deceit and betrayal, now that there are a significant number of individuals that don't even have hands" She added, thinking about the monsters.

"wow, talk about trust issues."

"I never denied having them, as far as I recall. In fact, I have so many of them it comes close to becoming a personality trait rather than an issue." Sans snorted a bit at her bleak humor but otherwise kept calm and serious, like she had demanded of him. Darn him getting even more brownie-points. She could see herself liking someone who appreciated her humor. Too bad for him she was dead set on not liking him. "That's beside the point, though, isn't it? That's not what I asked you." She said a bit harshly, hardening her heart even harder than Ramses.

"no, it's not. i dunno what i could possibly say for you to believe me. i'm pretty sure i could give an award-winning speech and you would still doubt my word. but for all that it's worth to you, i would never use or hurt miranda. for all intents and purposes, she's part of the family now. we protect each other here." He said with a shrug. "even you." He added with a quick glance at her eyes.

She froze her face in the aloof expression she had on. She would not show him that she appreciated him thinking about including her in that category. She was satisfied with him saying he would protect Miranda. She didn't need any protection.

She would not let mere words affect her. He was saying those words but she doubted he would uphold them. As for Miranda…

She was pretty sure he would try to protect her, if nothing more than for the fact that Rajani was pretty sure Miranda's attraction wasn't one-sided.

She had no certainties and she wasn't looking for them either. It was also something she wouldn't let Miranda read from her side of her mind either. If he wanted Miranda, he couldn't count on her to help him. She didn't want those two together, after all. Why would she help him?

"Is that a promise?" She asked him, eyes fixes on his, daring him to lie.

"i'm not usually one for promises…" Sans started and, upon seeing her narrow her eyes, he continued. "but i guess this one is easy to keep."

"Say the actual words, Cueball. I won't settle for anything else." She demanded.

"yes, i promise not to hurt her or use her in anyway and to protect her as part of my family." He finally said, though he looked uncomfortable with it.

"Good."

"yeah, whatever." He mumbled.

He must really hate feeling pinned down by promises… yet he still did it.

Goddamn brownie-points! Just do something hateful already!

There were no guaranties he would keep his promises, though.

"I'm trusting you not to break your promise. So long as it remains that way we're chill. You break it, however… You're not going to like what I'll have in store for you." She added and waited for him to rage at her for the threat.

He didn't and seemed resigned to his fate, which made Rajani feel a bit guilty over it. Not too guilty, mind you. She would do anything she felt was necessary to protect her sister! But she was a bit too forceful about it, she guessed… And one sided…

"In return, I promise to protect Papyrus as one of my own blood." She said to smooth things over.

Sans looked back at her and there was a thankfulness in his gaze that made her flush in embarrassment. Just because she doesn't show it often it doesn't mean she's not capable of other emotions towards people that weren't her sister! Why the hell did he have to act so shocked!? Goddamit!

"What?!" She said like some sort of tsundere bitch.

"nothing, nothing." He said shrugging and looking back at the ceiling, leaving her still fuming.

"I really don't like you." She asserted, not for a second looking away from him.

"yeah, yeah. i like you too, slasher." He said dismissively.

Her anger peaked.

"WHAT!?" Was he somehow insinuating she liked him!?

"for all the 'tough girl with no emotional attachment other than her mind sister' act, you sure do care about others." He commented offhandedly making her sputter. "it makes sense, all things considered. miranda displays a great affinity for your integrity several times so it would only make sense that you too would also feel an affinity for her kindness."

That gave you pause. For as much as you wanted to get pissed at him and rant, the little soul fact was enough to draw you in.

Damn my curiosity! She thought.

There was something that was still bothering Rajani about the emergence of Miranda's trait.

"Why is it that she still has no HP? Shouldn't she regain some now that she is recovering her trait?" She asked.

"she still has no hp?" Sans asked.

"Can't you see soul stats?" She asked mockingly.

"i can, but your health bars look fused while your soul is inside your body. I haven't exactly had the chance to see those particular stats again." He commented.

"Oh, ok then. Yeah, she still has no HP. Which is weird. If she loses my HP when her mental health isn't good then why isn't she regaining her own HP now that she is starting to feel better than ever?" She asked.

"her lack of hp must be unrelated to her fading, then." Sans said, his expression indicating he was deep in thought.

"Her health bar feels like a black hole when she's having a seriously bad PTSD flashback." She revealed with a little shiver. "Worse yet: a dementor. Every good thing starts being sucked away. The only reason I can remain sane and steadfast in keeping us alive is the simple fact that she needs me and like hell I'm going to give up on her that way!"

"i'm glad you won't give up on her. the world would be a bleaker place without her around." Sans commented and she jolted her head his way.

He was looking a little sleepy, probably pretty close to entering dreamland. She doubted he would have openly said that otherwise. Upon noticing her reaction and then considering his own words, Sans woke up a bit and he face literally glowed cyan blue in the dark, making her snort.

Talk about having a nightlight.

"You really do like my sister that much, huh?" She asked with a smirk.

"i don't know what you're talking about." He said a bit too rushed to be believable.

"Oh, you do. Don't worry, though. I have no intention on interfering with her love life. I won't deny her if she wants to start something with you. It's not my place to do so. But I also won't help you either, considering I don't want you in our lives. You would have to impress me big time for me to actually wholeheartedly encourage you."

"does… doe she feel any-"

"No can do, Cueball. I won't tell her of your romantic inclinations towards her, why would I tell you about her feelings?"

"fair point."

"Certain as the sun rises in the East."

The was a long moment of silent as they both stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come.

"it's not use, i'm too wide awake." He said and proceeded to spread arms and legs as wide as he could, bothering her and her pack.

She sighed heavily.

"Just go to sleep, asshole."

"can't."

She sighed resignedly and reached a hand to massage his scalp.

"I'm only doing this so that Mir won't have to drag you from place to place while you are asleep. I don't actually care if you fall asleep." She said.

She then proceeded on singing Trust In Me once more. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep that way. Rajani was still awake for some time but eventually joined him and her sister in oblivion.