Chapter 53 – What Was Lost

Hermioen Granger had never felt worse.

For the first few das, she was terrified of the thought, What if I'm pregnant?

(She wasn't; her period came three days later.) But that was hardly the end of it.

She barely ate or drank anything, and her weight began to drop off, along with her grades, which were all down to 'Acceptables'. Many of the professors were worried about her, and a few tried to talk to her, but she would mumble something about not feeling well and they eventually gave up.

She barely spoke unless spoken to, and tended to use monosyllables or shrugs whenever possible. Harry and Ron, feeling out of her league, gave her space, and though Ginny did her best (she'd already had some experience with broken hearts in her very busy fifteen years), Hermione failed to respond. She was more or less numb.

For a while, she even skipped Potions and Care of Magical Creatures, the classes shared with Slytherin, because she couldn't bear to see Draco's face.

"Who would have thought that Hermione Granger was a hormonal slut?"

I was so stupid. How could I have trusted him? He's Malfoy, after all!

Worse, her dreams at night were filled with happy memories of their time together, taunting her with the past when she awoke into bitter reality.

He said he loved me, and I believed him, because I really, really loved him. But I only thought I knew him…it was a lie; it was all a lie.

And wasn't it just fitting, really? Hadn't her whole life been a lie? From the moment she was signed over to the Grangers, everything had been a lie. Discovering her adoption only months ago. Finding her brother, then being tricked into thinking she'd found her parents, only to discover they were Death Eaters in disguise. And then thinking, being stupid enough to believe, that someone loved her, had loved her for who she had been, but willing to love her all the more for who she was now.

And all he'd wanted was sex.

To win a bet!!!

She wished she could just punch him in the face – no, kick him in the balls – no, both!! – and forget about it. But it was the lie of his love that hurt the most of all. What was lost could always be found again. But there was no hope for something that had never been there at all.