Peeta pov
I wake up after a night of fighting off nightmares. They were terrible last night. Especially with katniss crying and screaming it was so hard to not break down. I had to stay strong for her,but I could feel myself slipping away. I walk downstairs and start breakfast. Katniss is curled up into a ball on the couch. I make her cheese buns and bring it to her. I sit beside her and run my fingers through her hair. Then I lean down and kiss her and whisper my love into her ears.
Slowly she looks up and into my eyes. I smile at her and she pulls me into a passionate kiss. I wrap my arms around her and pull her onto my lap."I love you so much katniss" I say and she smiles"I love you too peeta" then she snuggles into my side and soon the tears start.
"I know,katniss,I know" I say as she cries about prim and about willow knowing. "It's so hard to explain to her!"she cries.
"I know. It's hard to keep the flashbacks from coming when I talk about my family."I say in a lifeless tone. She looks up and stares right into my eyes searching for a sign of darkness in my eyes. But I don't feel it coming on again.
"Peeta,"she says cautiously."I..Well,you"
"Don't worry katniss,I don't feel like a flashback is coming"I say and she lets out a breath she was holding. "I think we should tell her more about your family,but when you're ready...and we need to show her the book" I nod and say"yeah you're right,maybe today?"
"Okay"
I run upstairs and into our bedroom. In her bedside table is the book. I pick in up and open it up. The first page of people is prim,I look at the picture of her and her goat. Then finnick,on his page is the picture of his son too. It's sad he never got to see him. Then katniss's dad, I never got the honour of meeting my beautiful wife's father,the grandpa of my kids. Katniss looked up to him so much. Soon I come to my family.
As I look at the page that has my family I feel that weird feeling,the feeling of longing,disappointment,and...and...NO! I can't! She killed them..she's a mutt! NO! NO SHE DIDN'T!
The constant fight between reality and fake messed up memories continues...I feel myself grip the bed post and side table, I feel them sratch deep into the wood. I focus on the pain of wood splintering into my hand and close my eyes tightly. This is the only way I can hold onto reality. The only way to ensure the safety of my children, my little girl and baby boy. I must keep the dark peeta inside.
'But those aren't my kids!' 'YES THEY ARE! They are my kids and I love them'. I argue. They are my kids,and I love Katniss.
Ugh she's a mutt-
"Daddy?"
Daddy? Wait-willow! My baby girl! She's not a mutt,she had my kid! Slowly I feel myself taking more control,I let go of the wood and slowly turn and open my eyes. Willow stands at the door still in her night gown and holding a teddy bear haymitch got het.
"Daddy?"She asks again.
I calm my breathing and sit down on the ground,my leg can't take anymore strain at this time. She runs over to me and wraps her tiny arms around me.
"What's wrong daddy?"She asks.
"Daddy is just sad,here come sit with daddy"I say and pat my lap. She sits down on my lap and I wrap my arms around her. I reach over and grab the book. I flip to the page with my family and I show her the picture.
"This was my family,that's your grandpa and grandma,and those are your two uncles,wheat and nickel."I say. I explain to her that they are dead now and how I miss them and she nods. Then she reaches up to kiss my cheek and say"I love you daddy"
When I look up I see katniss standing at the door with rye on her hip. She gives me a sad smile and comes to sit next to me. She kisses my forehead and then stands."Willow,grandma is here" she instantly gets up and runs. We both laugh. Then katniss leaves and soon returns without rye.
As soon as she walks in I break down.
"I had a flashback,right in front of willow" her face changes to concern."What happened?"She asks
"I was looking at the book. At my family and I lost it. I didn't break anything and I tried to contain it but still... I was in the middle and it was about to completely take over..but I heard her call to me and I was about to turn around and..and hurt her. But her voice and seeing her was enough to calm me katniss"
"I...I don't know what to say?"She says and looks into my eyes"but I knew you could control yourself,because you love your kids and the capitol can never change that."slowly I kiss her and then we get up to meet them all downstairs.
Mrs everdean sits on the couch with rye on her lap and willow right next to her. She smiles warmly at us as we sit down. Later that night after the kids are in bed katniss asks her to do a quick check on me and she does...I pray that I have full control on my brain
