This Is Where
51. Sorry
A month. An entire month had gone by since Parvati and Lavender had spoken to each other. They'd hardly even seen each other since the, er, incident in the bathroom. Parvati had taken to spending a lot of time in Ravenclaw Tower with her sister, whereas Lavender had gone straight to Madam Pomfrey after the incident and demanded a therapist. She'd been going to the hospital wing three times a week since then.
Somehow after the incident a light had broken through the clouds she'd been living in and she realized that she was dwelling. Therapy was helping. She realized that she'd created this fantasy in which she and Ron would fall in love and that would solve all of her problems, but of course it wouldn't. She'd put the weight of all her hopes and fears onto one person and that wasn't fair. And in the process she'd lost him as a friend, destroyed any semblance of a friendship with the girl he was in love with, and pushed her best friend away from her.
"I think it's time for you to make amends," her therapist told her. "You know the people you've hurt. Now you've got to tell them you acknowledge that hurt and are sorry for it. They might not forgive you. They might not even listen. But you have to try."
Lavender had already written letters to Ron and Hermione and could only hope that they would open them and not throw them away or burn them before reading them. She was supposed to have done it in person, but Hermione hadn't made eye contact with her in six months, and she didn't think she could handle talking to Ron yet. But there was one person she had to talk to in person.
"Parvati?" she asked as she walked into the dormitory.
The Indian girl looked up with a carefully blank expression. Lavender's breath hitched in her chest. She hadn't expected Parvati to be here. She thought that she would have to look a little harder to find her, but no. Here she was.
"I'd like to talk to you, if that's alright," she said, closing the door behind her.
Parvati nodded but looked away.
Lavender swallowed. "I've, um, been seeing a therapist. And I'm better. Much better than I have been. And I wanted to say I'm sorry for the person I became. And that I'm sorry for how I treated you. You were only trying to help me and I punished you for it."
She waited for a response, but Parvati didn't even move a muscle.
"Well, that's all I wanted to say," Lavender said, blinking back the tears as she turned to go.
"I'm sorry too."
Lavender paused. "What?"
"I'm sorry too," Parvati repeated, meeting her eyes finally. "I'm sorry for the argument that made you go after Ron. I'm sorry that I wasn't more understanding. And...I'm sorry for kissing you."
There was one topic that hadn't been discussed in therapy, mainly because Lavender refused to talk whenever it was brought up: Lavender's feelings for Parvati and how they may possibly be more than friendly. Lavender shut down immediately if the therapist even so much as tiptoed near the topic. She wasn't ready to open that box, the box that she'd chained and padlocked shut back at the end of fourth year.
"Listen, I...I'm not like you," Lavender said shakily. "I'm not bisexual or...or anything. I'm straight. I like boys. I don't like girls."
"Yeah, except I don't think that's exactly true," Parvati interrupted with an impatient sigh.
Lavender went stiff with fear.
Parvati deflated and hunched her shoulders. "I'm sorry. Your sexuality is none of my business. It's for you to define. If you say you like boys, then you like boys. Fine."
She started to relax.
"But," Parvati stood up and Lavender's heart began to beat nervously, "if what you asked me in fifth year, about whether it's wrong to like girls, is any indication, then I guess your parents don't really approve of homosexuality or anything like that. So I think you're scared. Scared to admit what you really feel."
Lavender couldn't breathe.
"But that's your business," Parvati finished. She smiled. "I just want my best friend back."
Lavender's heart soared with joy.
"And I promise I won't kiss you again," she said, "unless you want me to."
"Unless I want you to?" Lavender echoed.
"That's right," Parvati said, nodding. "So, do we have a deal? Are we best friends again?"
Lavender shook herself out of her thoughts and smiled. "I don't think we ever really stopped."
