15 August (day 59), morning

Alistair looked up as I approached the tent. He had a combination of 'good morning' and 'where were you?' and 'what did I do?' on his face.

"Don't worry," I said, "I'm not mad at you."

Relief washed over his face. It was replaced with curiosity.

"I slept in Leliana's tent."

Curiosity doubled down and brought surprise along for the ride.

I spoke slowly and clearly. "We just talked. And shared some brandy."

Curiosity stayed in place. Surprise ducked out and was replaced with 'say no more!'

"And then I got some very badly needed sleep."

I didn't think Alistair was capable of it, but I'm positive I saw some lechery bubble into his grin.

"And all I did was sleep. There's nothing going on with us."

Lechery stepped off center in favor of skepticism.

"Fine. Believe what you want. Let's get packed up."

Lechery disappeared. Skepticism stayed. Amusement showed up.

"Butthead."


Mid-morning

"I do not understand." Sten had the slightest of tilts to his head. For him, at least, I'd call it quizzical with a touch of confusion.

"Don't understand what?"

"The bard. She was not chosen for you. And yet-"

Oy. "No. Nothing happened. We just talked, drank a little, and I crashed out – fell asleep – and nothing happened."

Sten seemed to take my words at face value. "If you say."

"I do, but- What do you mean she wasn't chosen?"

Sten's face relaxed into his neutral 'you should know this' mode. "Qunari have their mates chosen for them by the tamasran. We may express a preference-" He tilted his head again. "I have erred. Those in your society simply choose their mates based on-"

I felt my face heating up. "We didn't mate!"

"I did not mean to imply you did. However, your behavior towards the bard seem to indicate you are considering her for mating. I believe-"

"Stop. Right. There."

"There is no need to be embarrassed. The bard is a healthy human female with superior-"

"Sten-"

"-hand-eye coordination and musical talents. You have chosen wisely."

I narrowed my eyes. "And I suppose my current…mating status has nothing to do with this?"

Sten nodded sagely. "You are correct. And you are acting logically. Should you be unable to return to your home you have…." He stopped to consider something for a moment. "'Sown the oats.' I believe that is-"

"Okay! Enough! You know, I'd expect this sort of thing from Zevran, but you…?" I waved at the front of group where Alistair was walking. "I'm going up there. At least I can fire back at Alistair."

Sten bowed his head to me. No trace of sarcasm, irony, or any other thing was there. The bastard. "Another time then."


noon

I don't know what's worse: having Sten give me the talk or having Alistair waggle his eyebrows at me every time I get close to him. At least I've managed to dodge Zevran.

Oy.

Leliana has the graciousness to at least look a little embarrassed by the attention we're getting. And at least she and Neria aren't whispering and giggling about me, although Neria is enjoying this more than I'd like. Should have known


Late afternoon

Sorry about that. Here's what happened:

Just after I started writing I saw a raven swoop into some nearby trees. A few seconds later Morrigan came jogging out, concern on her face.

"There are soldiers approaching. A score and more, and they are no more than a mile distant." Morrigan pointed up the road in the direction we're heading.

That got our attention. Lunch was forgotten. Naps were cut short. Everybody scrambled to check their gear. The teasing over Leliana stopped.

"Have we been seen?" Zevran asked.

"I do not know, but I think not. And we have but a short time before they will." Morrigan took a deep drink from a water skin.

"They are soldiers?" Sten asked. "Are you certain?"

"I am certain they are no rabble like those we faced in that town."

"That's good enough for me," I said. "Plan?"

Heads went on to swivels. When the swiveling stopped it seemed like a lot the heads were looking at me. I swiveled one last time hoping to find Neria; she was already looking at me.

Fine. "Twenty soldiers. Not the same as twenty stupid thugs trying to collect a bounty."

Neria's eyes went wide. "Right! Off the road! Now!"

It only took us a couple of minutes. We led Bill and helped push the cart into the trees, policed up our gear, and concealed ourselves fairly well about fifty yards off the road. Alistair and I donned our leggings and grabbed our shields. Weapons were out and ready and the mages had tapped their mana. But the plan was to stay in place and let the troops go by. Even Sten thought that course of action was 'prudent.'

But, as you can probably guess, the plan didn't survive first contact.

I'll give credit to the troops: they were experienced and smart and well-led. Swordsmen at the front and flanks protected a handful of archers in the center. No mounts except for a pack horse, so they were all carrying loaded packs. The probable leader was near the front with his second (who appeared to be a senior NCO). Their general attitude was pretty relaxed; they obviously hadn't seen any real action anytime recently and probably weren't expecting any. That was fine by me.

But that old NCO did his job. He'd come up to the spot where we'd left the road and went a few yards further. Then his head started swiveling as he scanned the roadbed. He said something to the leader and the pair stopped to take a look around. They didn't call a halt; the rest of the platoon kept moving.

"That's right. Nothing to see here," I subvocalized. "Just keep walking."

I could barely hear myself, but Wynne gently bumped me with her elbow. I kept my eyes on the troops.

The leaders backtracked to where we'd left the road and that's when things started going TU. We'd done what we could to conceal our tracks but anyone who was actually paying attention wouldn't have a problem seeing them. And these guys were paying attention. A shouted command caused the troops to stop marching and form up facing us. Two squads of eight swordsmen with small shields, a third squad of archers, and the leaders.

I didn't move but did whisper again. "Archers first."

Wynne's reply floated away on the breeze.

"Here now! You in the woods!" The leader's voice was easy to hear. "Come out now and you'll be treated fairly. We're not thieves or bandits; we're soldiers in the King's army."

If we'd thought about it we might have been able to pass a couple of us off as peddlers but as it was we were completely geared up for a fight. We stayed down and silent.

"No?" The leader turned back to his troops and gave another order. The archers stepped forward with loaded bows. "Last chance!"

"Wait!" Neria's shout made me jump. Somebody hissed at her but she stood up and made her way out of cover. "Here I am!"

There was a ripple of laughter from the troops when they saw Neria, but the NCO stayed focused. He spoke firmly but clearly and the leader suddenly spun around. The NCO's answer was easy to read even if I couldn't hear it. Yes, sir!

The leader spoke and the archers drew. Neria stopped where she was. The leader shouted again. "Warden! You will surrender. And your companions will-"

Everything went worse at once. Wynne stood and started casting. Sten let out a roar and broke cover. The leader shut up when Leliana's arrow popped out of his chest. I swore and was up and moving and hoping I could cover Neria. She was standing, alone in the field, trying to pull a fireball out of her ass.

"Archers!" the NCO shouted. "Loose at the mage!"

"Ah!" she yelled and finally tried to get out of danger.

Arrows came our way as a ball of energy went the other. Neria cried out painfully but I couldn't see how bad she was hurt. Another of Leliana's arrows hissed away as the archers reloaded and soldiers readied themselves. But Neria's weaker-than-usual fireball did its job: the entire platoon was staggered when the plasma burst on the shield wall. That gave us an extra few precious seconds before the archers could shoot again.

Forty yards isn't a lot to cover in PT gear and running shoes, but try it in armor while you're carrying a sword and a barn door of a shield. The extra weight made me feel like every step was in slow motion. I heard another shout from the NCO and at least one arrow came my way. It hit my shield and the impact jarred me, but I didn't slow down. I was between Neria and the bad guys and with that squad of archers that put me right in the kill zone. The quicker I got out of it the more likely I was to live. But that meant closing for melee with at least eight to one odds against us. But I dug in anyway, put on one last burst of speed, and aimed for the weak spot Sten had left me from his charge. A couple soldiers there saw me coming and set themselves with shields up and swords back. I head-faked at the last instant and aimed for the guy on the left.

"My life for A-!" The impact cut the battle cry short. Something hit my shield and something else hit my armor. The guy I'd run into went sprawling backwards. I took advantage of being at a dead stop to deliver a backhand slash at the bad guy standing next to me. My blade didn't cut through his mail but he yelled in pain and dropped his sword. Good enough; I stepped forward and threw a hard right elbow into his face. That put him down.

I was suddenly face-to-face with a bloody-muzzled, golden-eyed wolf. Morrigan and I recognized each other, though, and we both turned to our respective rights. Morrigan leapt away snarling, and I lunged, overextended, but cleanly stabbed one of the three soldiers Alistair was swinging furiously at. The blade went through his mail and into his back with a quiet screech of metal-on-metal. There was a human screech as I pulled the blade back out. I stepped forward and kicked the fellow's feet from under him.

His companions didn't notice him drop but Alistair did. My tent-mate suddenly stepped back; I stepped forward and shoved and tripped his opponents. They staggered into Alistair who made short, bloody work of one guy while clocking the second with his shield. "There!" he yelled at me. He had blood dripping down his head; I couldn't tell if it was his, but Alistair seemed okay enough.

I spun around to see where I was needed. I wasn't going anywhere near Sten's blender; that only left a couple of archers and one of the swordsmen as immediate threats. The archers were defending themselves with short swords, and the swordsman was standing with empty hands in the air. When he saw me eyeing him he stammered, "Exch-ch-change!"

I wasn't ready to accept a surrender, but I didn't see him as a threat, either. I charged past him and blindsided an archer. She fell into her companion and landed between him and Zevran. Her companion shouted something and spun towards me. "You killed her!" He came at me with his sword but I blocked the shot.

I was face-to-face with him and trying to figure out how to hurt him when his eyes rolled up. Zevran pulled the fellow off me and his long knife out of the guy's back. His eyes were bright and he fired something out in Antivan. I only caught, "Mio amico!"

"I'm okay! Who needs help?"

We both looked around for an instant, panting. Zevran spoke first.

"Nobody. It is over. Now do not move."

"What?"

Zevran reached out and yanked an arrow from my belly plate. The tip was clean.

"You are fortunata, my friend."

"I agree." And then I threw up.


I didn't get to see her before Wynne healed her, but Neria was mess when she finally wobbled over to the aftermath of the melee. I had heard her scream at one point; that was the arrow in her chest being yanked out. She passed out after that and Wynne and Leliana were able to get a second arrow out of her leg without too much difficulty. She'd lost a lot of blood but Wynne's magic along with a healing potion did a lot to restore her, and she was still tired and weak.

But she was pissed. Alistair was going to give her a hug but scrambled out of the way as she tottered her way to me and the NCO. Cullen was trying to herd her away from us but wasn't having any luck. He was limping himself; he'd received a nasty slash from one of the arrows aimed at Neria.

The NCO: his name's Riley. He's been a soldier for decades and knew exactly when his fight had gone bad. He'd done the right thing by his troops and immediately tried to surrender those who were still standing. He saved about half of them, although half of those were wounded in some way. He's not a bad guy, at least not in the traditional sense. He's a soldier and he's doing the job he know the best he can. Unfortunately, he's on the side that'll get a lot of people killed if it gets its way, but Riley doesn't know that. Anyway…

He was looking sadly at the platoon leader's body. "Ser Corbus. Wasn't a bad sort for a bann's son. Just needed to learn his way. Won't get that chance now."

That's when I saw Neria coming over. "Well, I feel the same way about her."

Riley sighed. "She's the Grey Warden Loghain wants us to bring in. We knew she was a mage, but…."

"You didn't know we had more mages with us?"

"Maker's breath, no! But you're a sodding company of hurt; you know that?"

I looked around at my companions. "Band of misfits is more like it."

Riley sighed again. "Misfits, heroes. Doesn't matter. We underestimated you and paid the price." He nodded at Neria as she got close. "If your Warden here hadn't been so stupid as to come out-"

"Don't call me stup-!" Neria tried to yell but her voice cracked. It cracked again as she kept yelling. "Loghain can go sod off and you can, too! We didn't do anything to hey!"

She'd taken a swing at Riley, who'd wisely just dodged the punch. I ended up grabbing Neria in an awkward hug and keeping her away from him. It wasn't hard; she was running on spit and adrenaline and had zero strength. I couldn't even feel her struggling against me. Cullen was at my legs, whining urgently but not doing anything to interfere. Guess he knew I was trying to help.

Riley bowed. "Ser Warden, you have bested us and-"

"I don't sodding care!"

"Neria!" I hissed. "It's over!"

"It's over when I say it is!"

I nodded to Riley. "If you'll excuse me…."

"I understand."

I dragged the ineffectually flailing Neria away from Riley and back towards Wynne. Alistair (whose head wound was both messy and bad) took my place with Riley.

"Jeff! Let me go!" She tried kicking me but I had the full kit on.

"No. Calm down, please."

"Jeffrey, they tried to kill us!"

"I know, and they've surrendered."

"They nearly killed me!"

"I know, but you're okay now."

"No! I'm not! I'm mad!" And scared, too, if the crying was any indication.

"That's okay, and you are, too." It's really hard to hug someone when you're wearing plate armor but I tried. I looked around for Wynne but she'd disappeared, so I caught Morrigan's eye.

The witch sauntered over with what I'm pretty sure was genuine concern on her face. "I can do a little but I am no healer."

Sleep? I mouthed.

"That I can do."

Neria suddenly realized what was going on. "Wait, what?"

Morrigan's hand caught Neria's head before she could react further.

Neria tried to fight but slumped in my arms. "You fu'ing basssss-"


Zevran leaned in and spoke quietly to me. "So, mio amico. You and our bella rosa. How was your evening in her tent?"

"Is this really the right time for this?" I was feeling nauseous again. Zevran and I were watching Riley and his troops clean up the tiny battlefield. We were collecting weapons from the living and the dead and stacking them off to the side.

"Is there a better time?"

"Breakfast this morning. Dinner tonight maybe. Tomorrow definitely."

"Si, but we have time to spare right now."

I gave the little guy an evil eye. "Seems to me we're a bit busy."

Zevran winced as his armor rubbed a still-tender wound. "Si [Antivan phrase], but an unpleasant task may be made less so, no?"

I suddenly realized what he was doing. The dude's alright in his own warped way. "Yeah, a distraction would be nice."

Zevran grinned wickedly. "Well, then. Primo: let me comment on how quiet you were. This is not a bad thing, but if you are having trouble helping the lady along may I suggest…."


Lot of writing up there. Leliana did a lot herself, and then, as usual, we compared notes. That led to some smirking from Morrigan and Zevran, eye rolling from Wynne, some slobbering from Cullen, a shallow nod of approval from Sten, and a stupid grin from Alistair. We just shook our heads and made a production of going our separate ways at bedtime.

We released the survivor but took their weapons with us. We're keeping some to sell; the rest got thrown in the lake about a mile up the road from the scene. Riley and company saw us do it and probably spent some time fishing their gear back out. We did see some smoke from behind us; Alistair's pretty sure that was bodies being burned. We're not worried them coming after us, but we'll be watching our backs until we hit Orzammar.

Neria's okay. She's in her tent, shaky and scared, but physically okay now, and resting comfortably enough with a hot meal inside her. Alistair had a concussion, but Wynne took care of that before we moved on. Sten received more than a few cuts and one bad arrow wound, but the giant butthead insists he can heal naturally. At least he lets Wynne bandage him up. The rest of us were physically fine (just minor cuts and bruises), although Wynne's wrung out from healing us and the worst of the survivors.

So I guess that's it for the night. Guard shifts tonight are for the healthier folks, so I'm gonna get some sleep before my turn.


16 August (day 60), morning

Well, if I've kept the journal accurately then this is two months. Seems like forever. I guess the important thing is I'm still alive despite some close calls. But you don't want to read my existential musings, do you? puts tip of little finger to corner of lips Or do you?

No. You don't. But you're gonna have to, at least a little.

I didn't sleep well. I killed two people yesterday and contributed to more. It was a kill-or-be-killed situation, but damn it if I hadn't done what I did Neria would have probably ended up dead, and maybe someone else would have too. I'm hesitant to include myself in the set, so I'll say I'm hanging with a bunch of badasses / tagging along with some formidable folk / in the company of heroes. (Select one or more.) But for whatever crazy reason the multiverse came up with I'm here with them and they're counting on me to get their backs. And getting their backs means putting swords in other peoples' backs. I can do that. I have to do that. So I can justify those deaths to myself with no difficulty. I did it for the team, because they needed the support, not because I wanted to.

Doesn't mean I have to like it though.


Evening

I plopped down on a rock next to Neria. Her color's back and her strength is up. But we've got her on light duty for a couple more days so right now the toughest thing she's dealing with are veggies. If only Sten would listen to us and do the same.

Neria gave me a smile (and Cullen gave me a friendly huff) as I sat; she's in good humor again. It was time to wreck it.

"So young lady: are you ready for your ass chewing?"

She gave me a Zevran grin. "Shouldn't you be asking Leliana that?"

Shields were up and holding at 100%. "Maybe later. I'm talking about what you did yesterday."

The grin faded. "I said I was sorry." And she had. She'd woken up a couple hours after the fight. With all the energy gone she realized what she'd said to Riley she apologized to both me and Alistair.

"Not that. I'm talking about walking out in front of that platoon. That patrol."

Neria stopped chopping. "Maker, Jeff! If I hadn't-"

"If you hadn't they would have been firing – uh, shooting blindly into the woods. We could have either waited them out or shot back from there."

"Some of you could have been hurt. I put a shield around myself." Shrug and a bitter smile. "It didn't work very well."

I didn't know that, but, "It worked well enough to keep you alive. But that's not what I'm-"

"Leliana! Come here; Jeffrey wants to nibble your bum."

The shot had no effect on me but Leliana staggered and gave Neria a dirty look. Then she transferred the look to me.

"Maybe later," I said. I don't know if Neria was being deliberately obtuse or if her energy was simply too high.

Leliana winked back at me. "Maybe." She turned to go.

"Leliana, please? Sit with us for a moment."

"You may not want to; I'm trying to yell at Neria for breaking cover yesterday." I gave the mage a frown. "She's not cooperating."

Leliana's face went serious. "Perhaps I can help."

"Oh, Maker! You, too?"

"And me as well." Sten's voice made Neria jump.

That got out of control quick. But I ran with it. "I was talking – well, trying to talk to Neria about leaving cover yesterday." You're not supposed to chew someone out in front of others, so I gave Neria an out. "I was hoping to do this privately, but if you're okay with them being here so am I."

Neria looked confused. "Why privately?"

"Because what I have to say might embarrass you."

Comprehension crept over her face. "Maker. I made a 'get people killed' mistake, didn't I?"

I was actually surprised she remembered that. Surprised enough that I couldn't speak for a second.

Sten pounced. "You did. Our position was secure. You should not have left it. We were fortunate to prevail as we did."

I couldn't add anything to that, so I kept quiet. Leliana nodded gently.

Neria did look chastened now. "But what about the archers?"

Sten nodded towards Leliana. "The bard is skilled and her targets were not concealed. She would have prevailed given time."

"Thank you, Sten."

"I am merely stating facts."

I spoke up again. "And if they rushed us you'd have magicked them down."

Sten shifted uneasily. "This is true. The boss seraboss – and you – would have acted from cover. You risked yourself needlessly."

At that Neria did look chastened. And uncomfortable.

Sten spoke again. "You are intelligent and learn quickly. I believe you will not repeat this mistake. Unless you have questions of me I have no more to say."

Neria just shook her head.

"Very well." Sten turned and marched away.

So the big guy had jumped in and stolen my thunder, but I didn't really mind. He'd said pretty much everything I'd wanted to say, albeit a bit more bluntly. Neria was considering his words, and I privately agreed with Sten that she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"Okay, then," I said, and started to get up.

"Wait," Neria said.

I did. So did Leliana.

"I'm…sorry."

I gave her a small but sincere smile and a pat on the arm. "I know. Don't worry about it. Just…don't do it again." I don't know why I kept going after that, but I thought it was innocuous. "You're too important to be doing things like that. Let us take the chances."

"But that's why I did it. Because you're important to me." Neria suddenly blushed and grimaced and shook her head. "Oh, Maker, I didn't mean it like that! I mean all of you are important. You're-" She stopped and took a deep breath. "I…panicked a little bit. I thought if I stepped out that could avoid the fight, and that no one would get hurt."

Leliana answered first. "That is very dear of you. But we have chosen to accompany you. We are accepting of the danger."

"And you're forgetting something," I added. "You're a Grey Warden. One of two. The only two in Ferelden."

"This is true. You – and Alistair – must act cautiously, for it is you who are uniquely suited to combat the Blight."

"And that means you're – well, you and Alistair – are the most important ones here."

Neria suddenly looked scared. "Does…that…? No!"

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. "Neria. Please. I know it's a scary thought, but if it comes down to choosing between you or Alistair or me or Leliana – sorry – well, it better be one of you two, not one of us."

Neria started. Her eyes looked a little wild, and they shot back and forth between Leliana and me.

Leliana spoke quietly. "Jeffrey understands that it is you who are needed against the Blight. Not him. Or us."

Neria's not stupid. She let out a quiet moan. Cullen perked his ears up; it was his first reaction to the conversation.

"I am sorry, Neria, but I thought you understood this."

"I did," Neria whispered. She stood up heavily. "I'll be in my tent." She turned and walked the short distance and crawled into her shelter. Cullen followed her with a confused whine.

Leliana and I stared at each other in silence for a while.

"You still have a role-"

"No. Neria and Alistair are the important ones here. The rest of us are here to help them do their job."

Leliana waited patiently to speak. "We all have a role in this; the Maker has shown me. I do not know how our roles will play, but we are all important. Including you."

"If you say so."

"I say so."

"Okay, but-" I nodded towards Neria's tent. "-they're the ones who're most important."

"I will agree with you on that."


17 August (day 61), morning

I totally expected to end up in the Fade last night, but instead I had one of those dreams. Have you ever had the one where you trying to make your car stop but no matter how hard you press the brake pedal the car just keeps moving? And then you get closer and closer to the car in front of you and you know you're going to hit it but you never quite do? Yeah, one of those.

First, I couldn't decide between helping Alistair or Neria. I was just walking in long circles between the two of them. Every time I got close to one I'd change my mind and head for the other. I finally got to Neria and my shoes turned red and I couldn't walk, so I tried to help her. But I couldn't do anything for her. I couldn't grasp the arrows. Bandages and pressure and tourniquets didn't stop the bleeding. And the whole time she cried for me to go help Alistair instead.

I really need to blow off some steam. Fortunately large quantities of alcohol aren't available, so I'm gonna go for a run instead.


evening

First, having the entire group continue teasing me and Leliana helped improve everybody's spirits.

Second, in the interest of helping me blow off more of that steam Alistair and I talked for a bit then agreed to another beatdown session. This time, though, everybody was in on the plan and things didn't get out of control. It actually ended up being therapeutic for everybody and was totally worth the broken arm I got.

Third, Neria's feeling better. No major epiphany on her part; just a slowly bettering mood throughout the day. I think feeling physically better and having a better night's sl


A/N: Neria's actions here were kind of stupid, but she was very stupid during the in-game battle that inspired this chapter. While I was making sure Alistair was tanking the right target and switching Leliana back to her bow for the third time Neria just trotted right out in the middle of the field and found some arrows. Unfortunately they were moving at high speed. At least Sten knows how to do his job without much supervision.

SnowHelm: Fight scenes can be tricky, but since I'm working from a limited first person view basically I'm just describing things as Jeff would see them. Melees tend to be loud, fast, and confusing, especially for the people in them, so Jeff won't see much beyond what's directly in front of him.

InsidiousAgent: I agree about the first few chapters being unimpressive, but I was still getting my writing legs under me. And I also agree about the plot thinning out in places. I have a bad tendency to bog myself down in irrelevant details; you wouldn't believe the amount of stuff I've written that I'll probably never use. Hmm. Maybe I'll have an outtake episode.

OurLadyoftheBonBons: Thanks! And Beta Reader loves your screen name

Rioshi sama: Thank you. Oh, and sorry about the login thing.

bigstupidjellyfish1337: When I started MoN I figured I was going too fast and would end finishing up what I wanted to do in about 30 chapters or so. Then things started getting out of control (in a good way) and I was thinking, well maybe 50 chapters. Right now I'm foolishly thinking I might have it wrapped up in a dozen or so more chapters. We'll see. And that reminds me: I just reached a personal milestone of 200,000 words. It's a little hard to believe.

The format was serendipitous. I didn't like the idea of just narrating the story, so I went with the journal format. It's let me pull a couple of tricks and I have some ideas for some more. But like Jeff said a few chapters back it's too bad he doesn't a have a laptop. Then again, if he did have a laptop he'd be on Chapter 100 and not even to Denerim by now.

MINOR SPOILER: Bodahn and Sandal will be appearing again very soon.