This took nearly two weeks when it shouldn't have. My bad for being a failure :/

Scars for Blood/Mah Beta Bunny is a cool ninja. And also has some stories, hint hint, nudge nudge. Just thought I'd say…

Chapter 42: Take This To Heart

JPOV

We stayed in Alice's room after we talked to Dr. Hetzer. There were bits of conversation, but most of the time, I just held her as we sat on her bed. Truthfully, I was glad she wanted me to stay with her; I was just as worried about her last vision as she was. I had promised her over and over again that everything would be okay, and I'll be damned if I didn't keep that promise.

I guess my own anxiety didn't show, because she stayed calm. She usually seemed more relaxed with me. At least, when I saw her, her face went from a bit tense to relaxed when she met my eyes. Hopefully I wasn't kidding myself with that thought.

During our peaceful silences where Alice would rest her head against my shoulder and close her eyes and breathe deeply, I would stroke her arm or her hair and think. Think about her, actually. My mind played through the conversation Jarrett and I had on Thursday when Alice had gone to call her dad.

I watched Alice walk down the hall until Jarrett sighed. "So," he said, "you two crazy kids together yet?"

His question had caught me off guard. "What?"

Jarrett rolled his eyes. "Don't say 'what' like you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's not a huge secret that you like her." His mouth quirked into an arrogant grin like it wasn't as obvious as he had said and he had figured out something big and difficult.

There was really no point in denying that I didn't like her in the way he implied, because I did. A lot. "You should tell her," Jarrett advised, "or I just might let it slip."

"No, please don't. She's going through a lot right now. I don't want to add this."

His face softened in sympathy and understanding for Alice. "Yeah, I got it. But you will tell her, right?"

"Of course I will. It wouldn't be fair to her if I didn't."

Jarrett nodded. "Right after the shit storm is cleared up?"

I was hesitant to make any promises. I didn't doubt that he would tell her if I didn't. "I don't know when," I answered honestly.

He sighed again, this time with a little frustration. "She's my friend, you know."

"Your friend?" I snapped a bit too crossly. I hadn't meant to say it, especially with it sounding like I had meant, "Just your friend?" Because I really didn't think he liked her that way… most of the time. I had my doubts, even though I knew they were completely irrational.

"What, you think that I like her?"

"No, that's not—"

"It is what you mean, but I understand. I would think the same thing, really." Fortunately, his words sounded true and he didn't sound at all offended. I guess he's the sort of guy that wouldn't lie to spare feelings too much.

"So," Jarrett continued after a pause, "you'd better tell her before someone else comes along and steals her from ya."

I smiled a little, going along with his playful tone, but the seriousness in his eyes made me think. It's not like I'll be the only guy to see how absolutely amazing Alice is. What if someone braver doesn't wait to tell her that?

Jarrett must have seen my realization. "Exactly."

"I'll tell her, I will…"

He must have thought my voice was just as unconvincing as I did, because he closed the conversation with, "Whatever, man." I'm glad that was all he said, because that was when Alice came back into earshot with Serena. I'll tell her, I will…

Every once in a while Alice would look up at me and ask what I was thinking about so hard, I would always tell her it was nothing. Suspicion was in her eyes after my answer, but she didn't question it. I wondered if I would tell her if she pressed more, and if I was more relieved that she didn't then if she did. I had told her everything else, so why not this? Even thinking about it made me nervous. I had never felt this way about someone before; all the more reason to tell her before someone else does, but I could just see myself pushing this off again and again once the right time came. So I guess I was stuck.

Maybe I needed an outside opinion. The only problem with that is that "outside" was basically limited to this building. The one person that came to mind was Dr. Hetzer, but I really didn't want him to have to deal with my every little problem. But I really did need help with this… Maybe I could twist some things around so it was like I was asking about something similar. I wouldn't feel like I was bothering him so much and I would get the advice I needed.

I looked over at the clock; it was about 4:55. I didn't know when he left to go home, but it wouldn't hurt to check.

"Hey Alice, would you mind if I left for a little bit? I have to talk to Dr. Hetzer."

Alice looked up at me. "Don't wanna talk to me?" she asked with a small, playful smile, but I could see the questions and a little bit of hurt behind it.

I sighed. "I would if I could, but it's – complicated."

"Oh. Well, yeah, don't let me stop you."

"I'll be right back, I promise." I kissed her on top of her head, which earned me a grin from her. I smiled back before leaving the room.

Hopefully, this trip wouldn't take long. Alice has been worried about her recent visions too much for me to feel comfortable with her being alone. I walked quickly down the hall until I got to Dr. Hetzer's door. After knocking, I heard his voice tell me to come in.

He was sliding a folder into a black leather briefcase when I stepped in, and his coat was on. "Oh, sorry, are you leaving? I could talk to you tomorrow—"

"No, no, it's fine. I'm here to help, so help is what I will do. I really don't mind staying a few extra minutes." He smiled encouragingly. "Besides, I was going to come and look for you before I left. You'll be leaving at seven on Sunday evening."

I completely forgot about leaving this weekend. "Oh… yeah, okay, thanks."

"Now, what do you need?" He set his briefcase down on the floor and gave me his full attention.

"I'll try not to keep you for too long, but there's been something bothering me."

"Yeah?"

"Uh, the thing is that I haven't been able to tell Carlisle and Esme what… happened, and I feel like they should know." It didn't sound like a convincing story to me, but maybe the fumbling could be mistaken with nervousness.

"You should tell them that you're reluctant to tell them, but that you want them to know. They seem like they would be understanding people and would respect that. Then, you should tell me the real reason you wanted to talk to me."

I looked up from the corner of his desk that I had been staring at in surprise. He was grinning. "I've learned that some people feel like they can't tell me certain, more personal things. But you can, really, and I'll try my best to help you out."

"Well," I said, staring down at the desk corner again, "it's about Alice…"

"You like her?"

I peeked up, and then back down. "Yeah. A lot. And she's going through a lot, so I don't want to tell her how I feel right now, but I know that I'm just going to put it off when it is a good time… I just don't really know what to do."

He smiled to himself. "I don't know if this will help any, but I had the same problem with my wife. I kept telling myself that I would tell her that I was interested, but it never happened. I was hoping that she might say something first, but that didn't happen, either. But one night, I just… looked at her. It's hard to explain, and it probably doesn't make much sense, but what I'm saying is that I just looked at her and knew that I wanted her to know. I'm not sure if that helps, but it's the best I got."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." I waved before leaving.

Again, I hurried down the hall back to Alice's room. I wasn't sure how he just looked at his wife and decided that he could tell her that he liked her. It seemed much more complicated than that. His story sounded more like a fairy tale than real life. My own life hasn't been much of a fairy tale, so I didn't have high hopes for just looking at Alice and "knowing." But I did appreciate Dr. Hetzer staying a few extra minutes just to help me out.

Alice was lying on her bed when I came back. She opened her eyes when the door opened, and she smiled. "Hey."

"Hi." She sat up, and I put my arm back around her shoulder. She leaned into my side. "Get everything worked out?"

"Sort of," I replied. "What have you been doing while I was gone?"

"Thinking," she murmured as she played with the hem of my shirt.

"About?"

"Nothing." She didn't look up at me, so I wasn't sure if she sounded sad or just tired. I guess it was only fair for me not to know, since I've been keeping my own thoughts to myself.

I guess we both stayed wrapped up in our own thoughts for a while without speaking. Occasionally, I stared down at her until she looked up at me. I looked deep into her eyes for something to trigger some feeling other than anxiety when I thought of telling her how I felt, but none came.

Eventually, Alice's breaths became slower and more even as she fell asleep. I gazed at her calm face then, searching for something that I couldn't seem to find. Soon, my eyes started to drift closed, and I fell asleep with Alice still leaning against my side like she was supposed to be there all along.