Disclaimer: Not mine.
I Need to Breathe
Chapter 48
Waiting
Severus stood silently looking out at the Muggle street below. His hands clasped behind his back as he waited on word of Hermione. He could hear Ginny's quiet sobs as she sat with her head on Harry's shoulder, and Hannah's occasional sniffles. He wanted to shout, to slam his fist into the wall, to find the bastard that had planted the bomb and hoped that whoever it was that had, had blown himself up as well. He thought of Azkaban, and thought if he could only make her well, he would go back gladly and this time stay alive for her.
"Snape?" Neville called him out of his thoughts. "Here. Black, right?"
Neville handed him a paper cup full of tea, then turned to look out the window as well. "I used to think waiting was the hard part. I learned that the longer you wait the more hope there is."
Severus turned back to him, studying his face and scowling. "You have spent a better portion of you life in this place. How long do you plan on waiting?"
"Forever, if I have to. And yes, when I was young Gran brought me here every day. As I grew older, every Sunday. Now, I try to make it as often as I can. I don't want to see Hermione that way. Given a choice…I would rather let her go, as should you."
"No, it's not what I would rather," Severus sighed, as he sipped his tea. "She will be fine."
"That is what we all want," Neville drank his tea, watching Severus closely.
"I know what you are implying, Longbottom," he sighed. "She will be fine, because she must."
Madam Pomfrey stepped into the waiting room, pulling a surgical mask from her face. "She is in recovery."
"How is she," Ronald jumped to his feet, waking Lavender who had just managed to fall asleep with her head on his lap.
"Is she awake?" Harry asked.
"Now, wait," Poppy said, holding up her hands as everyone started asking questions and expected an easy answer. "She will not wake for a while yet. They had to…they operated to relieve the pressure. It is a Muggle procedure that often works."
"Poppy?" Severus frowned at her. "Tell me the truth."
"Her neck is mended, it will be sore for a while but no longer a danger. They have repaired the broken bones and the smaller internal injuries that were missed."
"And?" he snarled.
"They put in a shunt. The pressure has been removed, but …" she wiped her sleeve over her face. "They are keeping her … oh, Severus, she is not well. They called in a Muggle specialist. He is squib but still… Muggle medicine and that horrid thing in her skull. They are not sure it will be enough. We didn't get to her quick enough."
Severus crossed the room and pulled Poppy into his chest, laying his cheek on the top of her head and held her quietly for a few moments. "You are tired. Neville, Poppy needs to go home and rest."
"No, I am fine."
"You are not. You could barely stand before all this started and you look exhausted now." He waved Neville over and transferred Poppy to him. "We will need you when Hermione is well enough to come home. I would not trust anyone else to tend her."
He turned back to the window when they had left; leaving the rest to talk among themselves and listening as they set schedules to make sure someone was there around the clock. He heard the door open and spun around at the sound of Draco's voice.
"I just spoke to Neville, no one told us what was going on," Draco said softly.
"She can't have visitors yet," Lavender said, as she gave him a weak hug. "Is Astoria coming?"
Draco glanced at Severus and shook his head. "No, she thought it best if she stayed back. With three of the staff here, she said they might need her. Morning meal is almost ready to start. The Great Hall will be in an uproar if this makes the front page."
"I need to run," Hannah said. "I completely forgot about the time. As soon as the breakfast crowd is over I'll be back."
"No," Severus said as he lowered his head and looked at her from under his brows. "I would think in your… condition… you need to rest after being up all night."
"How did you…" Hannah bit her lip and looked around at the curious faces.
"You were never the slenderest of witches Mrs. Longbottom, but I have never noticed your breasts as large as…"
"That's enough." She grabbed her robes and headed for the door.
"I trust you are taking a taxi and not…"
"Professor, I do not need someone to hover over me," she said amused at his concern.
"Mr. Weasley? Since her husband is no longer here perhaps you will escort her home?"
"Sure," Ron said, grinning. "I'm surprised Longbottom didn't have it posted on the front page of the Prophet."
"I don't need help," Hannah glared at Snape.
"Yes you do," Harry laughed and pulled Ginny up by the hand. "Come on, Ron, Lav, we want breakfast anyway. We will see you back. Professor, you will let me know as soon as there is a change?"
Soon only Draco and Severus remained in the room. An uncomfortable silence fell on them as Draco flopped in one to the chairs not wanting to leave, and not wanting to stay. Up until now he had managed to avoid being alone with Snape. It had been hard when he first returned and took up residence in his old dungeon quarters. Minerva had coerced him into teaching again, although Draco was sure he liked it no better now than he had in the past.
"I am leaving Hogwarts," Draco sighed. "Astoria wants more room now that we have Scorpius, who you have not bothered to see. As it is, he is knocking into walls already."
"Toy brooms are intended to be used outside." Snape quipped. "He is too young."
"I had one at his age."
"I remember," Severus sighed. "Your mother was furious when Lucius brought it home. You, just walking, and already being trained to sit a broom."
"I remember when I was six, it was you that showed me how to fly upside down," Draco mused.
"Yes," Severus said as he crossed over to sit opposite Draco. "I thought it better that you learn correctly than the foolish way your…"
"That my father did?"
"Yes. Your mother was once a beautiful and intelligent witch. I used to envy your father for his family, his wealth, everything he had. He seemed to have everything I wanted. Then, I sat back and watched him throw it slowly away in his bid for power. I was too blinded by my … my feelings for your mother to see what she had become."
"You and my mother?"
"No, not that way," Severus quipped, leaned back, stretching out his legs and almost grinning at his memories. "She was the first true witch that made me feel welcomed here. She was a fifth year when I first came to Hogwarts. In those days, Slughorn assigned one of the older students to the little firsties, a sort of mentor if you will. She was kind, and good to me. I don't think I had felt as welcomed anyplace before or since." He leaned forward, putting his arms on his knees and looking at the floor. "She has gone mad, Draco. As mad as her sister, Bellatrix. I lay the fault at your father's feet."
"She rots in that…"
"She is mad. She…Draco, I cannot, and will not, beg your forgiveness. In time, you may come to realize that what we must do is not always what we want to do. I did not want to take an old friend's life. I wanted to, and did, stop the monster he had become."
"You killed my father."
"No," Snape locked his eyes on his godson's face. "I killed the monster. Your father died long ago. I cannot tell you when, or where as his death was long in the making."
"Professor?" A Mediwitch poked her head into the door. "Hurry, please. She is awake and asking for you."
Severus rushed to Hermione's room wanting to push the Mediwitch out of his way as he heard Hermione's feeble attempts to talk. Unable to answer their simplest questions correctly, the Muggle Doctor smiled and patted her hand before turning to Severus.
"It sounds worse than it is. She is talking and understands the questions. The answers will come." He glanced back over his shoulder at Hermione. "Sometimes they cannot attach the correct word to what they are thinking. She may want to say… please and say… cat… instead. If she sounds illogical keep this in mind."
"This is Hermione Granger you speak of," he said with a smirk. "I didn't understand her half the time before this."
The Healer chuckled and nodded his head. "I know. I have a daughter like that. I am afraid she is going to be yours next term. She turned eleven last month."
"She will be well?" Severus asked hesitantly.
"We don't know yet. She is aware of the dangers. If the swelling persists, if the pressure does not continue to come down… we won't know for a couple of days. She is heavily sedated and will be in and out of sleep. Professor, if she isn't going to make it, and I am not telling you she isn't I am saying I don't know, putting her into a coma at this point would do her no good. I suggest you make the most of the next couple of days. God willing she will have many more. You do need to be aware that if it worsens, and it could happen quickly, we can put her into a coma or let her go. Someone has to make the decision."
"She needs to fight," Severus said looking over the doctor's shoulder at Hermione. "Give her that chance."
"I will leave the drugs with the Healer assigned to her then. I wish her luck."
Severus leaned over Hermione as her eyes fought to focus on his face. "You… still here?"
"Yes, I don't plan on running away this time." He brushed the hair from her face. "It's tomorrow. We had you transferred to St. Mungo's. They have put in a shunt to drain the pressure from you head. Do you understand what that means?"
"My hair is a mess," she tried to grin.
"Hermione? Do you…"
"Shut up, I know. I know. Let's not talk of death and storms right now."
"Do you … need anything?"
"It tastes like a dragon farted in my mouth… I want my brush," he licked her lips and tore her eyes away form his face. "I want Abby."
"Hermione, she …"
"I want to see her," she whispered, her eyes welling with tears. "Severus, I am afraid… I need to see her in case … she needn't know who I am. Please? I want to see her one more time."
"I will collect her if you promise not to move. Do you hear me?"
"Severus?" She reached for his hand. "Forgive me?"
"There is nothing…"
"I should have talked to you. I should have …" she swallowed as her eyes drifted shut and reopened as she fought to reach his hand. "I'm afraid to sleep."
"Hush," he whispered, knowing it was death she feared. "I will be with you when you wake, and you will wake. Here, in this bed."
Severus returned with Abby to find a flurry of activity in Hermione's room. The Healer looked up as the door opened, expecting the night Mediwitch. "Get out, I'll see you when I am done. Nurse, get them the bloody hell out of here."
The nurse scurried over, pushing Severus toward the door, then finally yanked Abby's hand from his and pulled the child into the hallway. When they were in the hallway and Hermione's door closed, the nurse squatted down to Abby.
"It's not as bad as it looks. Did it scare you?"
Abby shook her head and worried her lip. "Thing… thing stuck… here," she stammered pointing to her own head, where Hermione's shunt had been placed.
"That little thing?" The nurse said as if amazed. "Well I don't know for sure. Such a little thing. She doesn't feel it and the tubes don't mean anything at all. Now, you go on while I talk to the Professor."
"I eleven." Abby stomped her foot and scowled. "Eleven not stupid!"
"Abby," Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "We have spoken of this. Now do as you are told."
"She has a temper," the nurse laughed.
"As does her mother."
"Poor dear, this is Miss… you said it is Miss Granger's child?"
"No, I have no idea who her mother is. It is however, my experience, that females with such attitudes inherit them from the mother's side."
"I see. You must be friends with the father." She said flatly and turned back to Hermione's room.
.
.
.
The healers let Hermione wake two weeks later when they removed the shunt and brought her out of the coma they had placed her in, proudly declaring the swelling within safe limits and no longer a threat. Although they cautioned Minerva and Severus not to be disappointed if she did not respond, as they desired, they assured them she should make a full recovery.
"However," the Healer said looking directly at Abby, "she is not to get excited and any excess noise from you, young lady, will not be tolerated."
Abby nodded her head and chewed her lip, craning her neck up at her Aunt Minerva. "Whose it?"
"Miss Granger, say it slowly," Minerva said for at least the tenth time since leaving Hogwarts. "Really, Severus, this is most ill advised."
"She wanted to see the child."
"Fine," Minerva said as she transferred Abby's hand from her own to Severus'. "Don't say you were not warned, and do keep a close eye on her left hand for stray magic."
He smirked, and then turned on his heel, taking Abby in to see Hermione, knowing that she would not know who lay in the bed.
"Abby?" Hermione rose up on her elbows and smiled widely. "How grown up you look in those robes."
"Daddy?" Abby turned and looked up at Severus frowning. "Miss what?"
Severus locked his eyes on Hermione's, as he leaned down and said Granger. He then took the child's hand and approached the bed.
"Why… how…Severus? You? Why didn't…. I…"
"Bait, I plan on dangling her in front of you," Severus said with a smirk. "I am not above using children to get what I want."
"Git."
"Know-it-all."
"Daddy?"
Hermione laughed and laid back on the bed, reaching out for Abby. "Come here. I have something to … to tell you if it's okay with your Daddy."
"It's fine," Severus gently put his hand on the child's back and guided her to the bed. "Give Miss Granger your hand, Abigail."
Abby's breath caught when she felt the familiar hand take hers, and felt tears overwhelm her as her hand was put to the face she had prayed to see. She climbed up on the bed so quickly, Severus was unable to stop her before she lay down, putting her head on Hermione's shoulder and sobbing. Shoving her hand under Hermione's, her fingers flew, spelling the words she still could not yet say, words yet unlearned and unspoken.
Hermione smiled and nodded, nuzzling the girl's hair, wetting it with her tears, unable to talk as Abby told her about her new Daddy, about the school, about how much she wanted to come home. Hermione was finally able to turn Abby's face to her own and study her eyes, elated that they could now look at each other. Pushing Abby's hair behind her ears she grinned, and sought Severus.
"I am here," he said from his position on the windowsill.
"Sunning like a cat?" Hermione choked. "Thank you for this. Thank you."
"No, sitting in the corner, hoping you will forgive me," he frowned. "I want to talk to you."
"Not today, not here. Not when … please."
"Abigail, go to Aunt Minerva. I need to talk to Miss Granger."
"I want to stay," Abby clung to Hermione. "It is me Magi"
"Do as you are told," he said sternly. "If you want to see her tomorrow you will go now. That or you may stay if you want to suffer the consequences."
Abby sat up and looked at him coldly. Shoving her bottom lip out in a pout she slid off the bed. "Not fair."
"No, it is not. That however, changes nothing."
She stomped to the door and in a show of defiance let it slam behind her.
Hermione giggled, "Are you sure she isn't really yours? She has the same… flair in leaving a room."
"She was sorted…," he felt his lip twitch and turn to a grin. "Slytherin."
"Get out! She is too smart for that… she is a Ravenclaw if ever there … oh. Fine." She felt her face grow hot.
"Yes, Miss Granger? Do go on. I seem to remember a Slytherin that still holds the record of the highest grades."
"And a Gryffindor so close you'd have to look twice to see whose grades are whose." She winced as she tried to roll onto her side.
"Perhaps it is a pair that is meant to be together," he said flatly.
"She knows the work, but she appears to need some social skills. Is she always like this?"
"Yes," he said, swallowing hard realizing she had heard and chose to ignore his comment.
"When did you decide to adopt her?"
"I didn't." He said flatly. "She chose me."
"Get out!"
Severus lowered his head and looked at her from under his brows. "She is as tenacious as you."
"She is an angel."
"I hope you are taking about one of the archangels. Because my dear, she is anything but angelic."
"It's my fault." She wiped her eyes with the edge of the sheet. "I was so busy making sure she knew all the book work, I never found other children her own age for her to play with."
"Poppy has suggested we hold her back a year and send her to the day school in Hogsmeade."
"You decided differently? I see."
"Are we going to argue over this?"
"No, I…I wanted to hear your reasoning."
"She is intelligent, too intelligent to waste her time at that place. She is also learning very quickly. I have made the concession that she sleeps in her own bedroom in our quarters and not with the other students. I think that by next term she will be ready."
Hermione frowned at the thought of Abigail's plight. "I…I would agree with you as long as she is allowed to take part in the other school activities and encouraged to make friends."
"Do you think I am completely without …" he sighed deeply. "Why do we do this?"
"Habit," she said with a grin. "You still think every question is a trap and I still hear an exam in every one of yours."
"You will be released to the infirmary at Hogwarts. Poppy is anxious to see to you herself."
"I have to call into work. I have missed … a week?"
"Three."
"Three?" She struggled to sit up. "Shite. Did anyone think to call them? No, I imagine not. Damn! I had my finals at the University. If I missed them I will have to take the entire semester over. Shite!"
"Language, Miss Granger."
"Language? I just … come here."
He approached the bed and leaned over her, placing one hand on each side of her head. "We need to do better."
"Now say it. Damn you, Severus Tobias Snape, say it to my face, when I am awake. And if you don't know what I am talking about you can take your skinny arse out of here."
He felt his lip twitch, and raised his eyebrow. "Only if you promise not to argue with me, or tell me I am wrong."
"Promise," she said, nodding.
"I like your hair short like this."
"What?" she said incredulously.
"They had to cut your hair. I like it short." He frowned as her face dropped. "I love you."
"Now, why is that so hard to say?"
He leaned down and kissed her, his arms going under her, lifting her up and pulling her as close as he could.
"I have no idea," he sighed. "It is easier now than it was before."
"Severus?" She pulled back just enough to look up at his face. "Why? I need to know why?"
"When we have more time." He lay her back down and brought up the blanket. "I will have Minerva call your Dr. Gramm. And, yes she told me about him. I cannot however do anything about your job."
"I need to pay my rent. It should be due soon." She tried to sit up only to have Severus push her back down. "Where is my purse?"
"You need a new one."
"My chequebook is in it."
"Hermione, trust me, no one can use your cheques, or your purse for that matter. I might add your books, laptop, cell phone, and whatever else you insist on strapping to your back."
"Shite."
"You will also have to find somewhere else to buy your coffee."
"How bad was it?"
"Again, we will talk about it later. I do not want you concerned about it now."
"There is a girl that works there. She always waits on me."
"Tell me her name, I will look into it. However, the shop sustained a lot of damage."
"I was told the parking garage took most of it, and that was under us. I always, always sit in the same place. The counter is on the far wall, maybe she… all I know is Mary. She had it printed on her nametag. There are millions of Marys."
"I will look into it if you promise to try to sleep now," he said firmly.
"Oh? And if I do not? Will there be consequences?"
"Yes, Miss Granger," he said as he leaned back over the bed. "As soon as you are able there will be five years of…consequences."
.
.
Severus took Abigail home, trying to explain what had happened and why her Maggie could not come with them. He found himself again at a loss of how to communicate, she having the vocabulary of a much younger child and him not knowing how to sign. Although she had made tremendous strides in two short months, he was still frustrated with the time it was taking even with the use of spells and charms.
Abby took her bath and once she was dressed in her pyjamas and fluffy slippers, she made her way into the sitting area. Flopping down next to him on the sofa, she reached up and touched his cheek before asking him if she could stay up for an extra hour.
At first, he had been uncomfortable with the child's constant need to touch before speaking to him until Minerva pointed out it was Abby's habit to gain someone's attention. Having gone so long with only touch to guide her, he would have to teach her other ways. He found that the longer he spent with the child the less he disliked it, and when she failed to greet him in the morning without her normal hug or stroke to his hair not only had he found he missed it, but demanded she see Poppy, suspecting she was ill.
"Not again," Poppy sighed and pointed to the examining table, waiting until Abby climbed up before checking her. "She is coming down with a cold. I don't know how you saw it…I get such a small reading."
"She seemed ill. She behaves…differently," Severus said, watching Abby drink a potion.
"Did not," Abby pouted. "He…he…"
"Fusses," Poppy supplied. "I know…you are just going to have to put up with him."
"Poppy?" Severus said her name as a warning as he waved Abby back to their rooms. "She is bad enough without you adding to it."
"She is not," Poppy had laughed. "It is you that can't say no. You haven't been able to from the start. If you had stayed out of it you wouldn't have her now so don't tell me she is a problem."
Severus frowned knowing she was talking about the day he had brought her back to her new family and was unable to pry her arms from around his neck when she had flung herself at him realizing what was happening. He had remembered how Hermione had walked away without touching her and had wished at the time that he had understood why.
All he could think of was the way the girl had touched his face in Hermione's kitchen and had kissed his cheek without any prompting. How she had entered his mind and although it had upset him to his core, she had not shown any fear or revulsion. He had let her stay on his lap, with her arms wrapped around his neck, while he listened to the plans the couple had made for her, including how they knew they would have to take a firm hand to squelch her temper.
Temper, he had thought, disgusted that they had made this determination without asking a single question. Temper, he had thought, disguised as fear. Fear that she was being returned to gods only knew where, her Maggie beyond her reach and strange smells assaulting her.
He had begun to pry her arms from around his neck and force her hands from their grip on his robes when he had heard her voice hitch with sobs and tears. "Please," was all he could make out and it had been enough to realize she needed to be his.
A/N: I have added the last section since the original posting as it was not clear as to why Severus took Abby. For some reason I thought it was. However from the comments I find there was a lot of confusion. I hope it helps. Thanks for reading...reviews are appreciated.
