Chapter Fifty Three

Note-I hate writing Carson but I figured the current situation in this story called for a scene between them.

"Jason wouldn't want you out of bed,"Lucas told his sister, though he knew it was useless to try and argue with her. She wanted to go see Sonny therefore she was going to go see Sonny. Lucas just wanted his objection on record. "I think you should call Sonny instead of going to his room."

"I'll tell Jason you offered an alternate option," Carly promised, with a laugh. "He'll find it cute that you thought I might be talked out of doing what I want."

Lucas walked with her to Sonny's room and then said, "I'll be right out here if you need me."

"Don't look so grave. I feel fine. And haven't you heard? Saint Robin is working on a cure. Now if that don't reassure you, I don't know what will," Carly rolled her eyes and went into Sonny's room.

He was alone in there. The curtains were drawn and the room was dark, with just one light on above the bed. Sonny looked sweaty, and he was mumbling "Heaven, Stone? You sure I ain't headed to see Deke in Hell?"

Carly shivered."Sonny?"

His eyes moved from a spot on the wall over to Carly. He blinked several times then said "What are you doing in here? You're supposed to be in your own room...in bed...come on, don't waste your...strength..."

She sat on the edge of his bed. "I had to come see you and say I'm sorr-..."

"Don't."

"Sonny," she murmured. "I know you realize that there could only be enough antidote for one of us...I don't know how to do this...how to take the antidote if that means you..."

Summoning all his strength he put on a front. "You don't worry about me. I got this under control."

Tears filled her eyes. This would be so much easier if he was cruel to her, saying she didn't deserve to live if he had to die, but he wasn't saying that at all. She said "If I wasn't so selfish, I would offer to give the antidote to you but we both know what a greedy bitch I am."

He smiled, the corners of his lips barely lifting. "I knew that the day I married you the first time."

"You probably never thought it would cost you your life."

"Should have known."

She choked back a sob. "Sonny...the boys...Kristina, Molly...they need you here."

He nodded. "So I guess I better not die, huh?"

For a long moment they stared in each other's eyes. Then he said, "Go back to bed. Rest. I don't want Jason pissed at me cause you wore yourself down visiting me."

"I can't say good bye to you," Carly told him. "So...see you later."

"Sure, Later."

As Carly left the room, tears streamed down her face. As soon as she stepped into the hall, Lucas took her into his arms.

XXXXXXXXX

Skye wasn't the type to cry in front of a man, not if she could help it at least. In her younger years she had cried a river of make believe tears to work her lovers or bosses, but she was past having to do that anymore.

She had thought, until the moment when she looked away and let Jason kidnap Lorenzo, that she was better than that now.

Walking with Alan in the rose garden, holding Lila Rae in her arms and carrying her son within her womb, Skye couldn't keep the tears out of her eyes now.

"You can tell me anything," Alan said.

She looked away.

"Or tell me nothing at all," he offered. "Lets walk some more. This garden has a way of making everything better, even if it can't make it make sense."

Skye nodded. At least here she felt some peace. That house, Lorenzo's home, was filled with darkness now. It was cold, empty and when the wind whipped through it last night it seemed to be screaming "Murderer!" at her. She didn't think she could go back there.

"Do you think I could stay here?"

"Are you having trouble with Lorenzo?"

She shivered at the sound of his name. "He left for South America early this morning and I don't know if he is ever coming back."

"He'd abandon Lila and you like that?"

"Oh, he'll visit, I'm sure. But we aren't happy...anymore. We aren't going to make it. And I can't go back and live in that mansion without him. He's everywhere..."

"You don't have to," Alan told her. "You have a home here, Skye, for as long as you need one."

XXXXXXXXX

Lulu was good at making the wrong choices. Sometimes following her crazy impulses made a mess out of her life, like when she slept with Dillon that first time and when she tried to help Spinelli when he was kidnaped by Alcazar's goons. But those times also made her life amazing- bringing her love and pain and two men she would care about till her dying breath.

And other times her rash choices just got her in a world of trouble. She was at that point now. After totally messing up her friendship with Serena Baldwin, by prancing around Spinelli's house in a towel after she spent the night sleeping in his bed, Lulu still wasn't ready to do the smart thing and go home to talk stuff out with Milo.

Instead she wandered down to the lake where her father used to take her ice fishing, the one place in the world quiet enough to let her hear her own thoughts, and sat on a bench.

It was a cold day in late February. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. Her anger at Milo came from guilt and fear. He had doubts about her coming home to him after seeing Dillon. And as much as that upset Lulu, she knew Milo had good reason to feel that way. He was only reacting to what he saw on her face, what he could tell was in her heart. She wasn't completely sure she was over Dillon.

All Lulu knew is when Milo had his arms wrapped around her it felt right. Good. Safe. She felt protected and loved.

In his arms, her fears disappeared and the world made sense. But when she was away from him, the memories came back. Some of the best moments of her life, the ones not spent with her family, were with Dillon. She had craved him, lived him and breathed him for so long...it wasn't something she could get over in an instance. Just thinking about letting him go from her heart scared her. It felt like she would have a whole where their love used to be.

Lulu liked to think she was brave. But was she brave enough to be the girl no longer in love with Dillon Quatermaine? Could she really put him in her past for good?

(Say goodnight not good-bye,
you will never leave my heart behind.


Like the path of a star,
I'll be anywhere you are. )

The girl who moved on and didn't wonder what might have been...was she ready to love Milo with every bit of herself?

She felt him, before she turned and saw him standing behind her. "Milo...how did you find me? Did Spinelli tell you ?"

"No. He won't take my calls or answer his door. I just took a chance. I know you like to go here sometimes."

Lulu turned and faced the water again. She didn't know what to say to him. They hadn't been together long. But, just a few days before, she had been sure they were headed towards a long life together. Now that future felt shaky.

She had been counting on his faith in them to be her strength. When Milo lost that, Lulu lost her anchor in the world. Now she drifted...unsure if she was moving away from him or not.

Milo came and sat down on the bench. They were silent for a long minute, then Milo took off his coat and draped it around her shoulders.

"It's cold," Lulu protested. "You need it."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

She sighed. Her eyes moved back to the water.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you,"Milo said.

"I'm sorry, too. I had to go see Dillon but I never meant to worry you...to cause all this."

"I don't want to lose you, Lulu. I should have known you would come home to me. But...you got to understand...when I'm with you, that is the only time I feel like more than just someone's brother or son or employee...you made me feel like someone's other half. So when you walked out the door to see the man I know you used to be in love with, well, I stopped breathing. I stopped being able to think. I stopped having faith in anything or anyone...all I knew was that my girl could be leaving me forever and that if you did...I'd lose the best thing I ever got a chance to be a part of...us."

(In the spark that lies beneath the coals,
in the secret place inside your soul,
keep my light in your eyes


Say goodnight not good-bye...)

Lulu turned and looked in his eyes. She didn't say anything as her eyes darted back and forth searching his for the truth, for what they lost, for some kind of answer that would tell her if she was in the right place, with the right man or not.

Milo took both her hands in his. "Don't tell me this is good-bye, Lulu."

(You are everything you want to be

so just let your heart reach out to me.


Keep my light in your eyes
Say goodnight not good-bye
)

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sonny was burning up. It felt like his body was being torched from the inside out. The medicine Dr. Drake gave him hadn't had any effect on his 104 fever.

Before his eyes swam images from the past-his mother, Courtney, Lily, Stone...everyone that was out of his reach now. It felt like if he just gave in, closing his eyes, he could be with them again, and have this terrible struggle be over for good. But he damn sure was not giving in to that temptation.

"We need to give you," Patrick said "a sedative. Your heart is racing and its important that we get you calmed down. You have to save your strength."

Patrick readied a syringe.

Sonny cursed, "Get the fuck away from me with that. I'm not letting you knock me out."

Alexis tried to force him to lay back. "Relax, please."

"Okay, okay," he gave in because of the worried look on her face. Through his own pain, he forced a smile and flirted "You know all you got to do is ask, counselor, and I'll do anything."

Alexis said, "Sure you will. I hope you remember you said that next month."

"She's just as tough as ever," Stone said. He was leaning against the cabinets on the side of the room. "I like her."

Sonny felt comforted by Stone's presence but he knew it wasn't a good sign that he was seeing him. Sonny's heart raced and the monitors started to spike.

Patrick said, "Mr. Corinthos, if you refuse this course of treatment, I have to warn you that you are putting your life at risk and you may not be strong enough to receive the antidote."

Sonny shook his head in a dismissive manner at the doctor. To Alexis, he asked "What is that pretty boy still doing in here?"

"He wants to help you," Alexis said. "You have to let him."

Their eyes held for a long moment. Sonny finally admitted, under his breath, "I don't want to go to sleep..."

It was clear to Alexis that he was afraid he might never wake up. She leaned close to him, gripping his hand, and spoke into his ear "You will look into my eyes again, I swear that to you. This time you have to put your faith in me...I'm not letting you leave me."

Sonny nodded. To Patrick, he said "Just do it, Doc, and then get to the lab and double that damn antidote."

Alexis never took her eyes off Sonny as he was given the shot, and after a few minutes he started to drift off. Patrick slipped out of the room.

Right before he lost consciousness, Sonny said to Alexis, his words soft and slurred "Thanks for tellin' me...your Cassadine ...heart...love that...love you..."

Laying her head on his chest, Alexis said "I love you, too,... and this isn't the end. I won't let it be."

(Don't you fear when you dream.
Waking up is never what it seems.


Like a jewel buried deep,
like a promise meant to keep

you are everything you want to be


So just let your heart

reach out to me.


I'll be right by your side.
Say goodnight not good-bye ) ( Beth Nielson Chapman)

Coming up: Micheal rages at Jason, Lulu makes a decision about her and Milo, Lusam