IN THE SUN
Chapter 45: Guiding Light
When I opened my eyes again, I was on Catalina; the sun was setting, and I was out in the fields, with my house behind me. An adorable little girl, a five-year-old blonde clone of myself, went running through the grass, laughing, followed closely by her twin brother. Their dog went chasing after them. Her gray eyes were alight with happiness as she rolled with the St. Bernard across the field; her twin, who looked very much like her and exactly like their father, had my hair and my eyes. There were so many people; people with suitcases and keys, looking for a place to stay. But it was the one I saw coming over the hills that stopped my heart.
"Daddy!" My little girl shrieked, and Nick picked her up, laughing as he swung her through the air. I could feel the tears flow again at the sight of my husband.
"Maggie, darling!"
"Hi, Daddy!" Our son laughed.
"Hey, there. Where's your mother?"
Maggie pointed at me. "She's sad, Daddy."
"Oh?"
"She misses you," our son told him. "She's scared and she doesn't know what to do."
"Have you tried talking to her?"
"Yes, but she won't listen to us."
"Ah, I see." At that point, the three of them had reached me. Nick set our daughter down. "Well, why don't you two go play with Elijah some? I'll try talking to her."
"Okay, Daddy. Bye!" The children went running out into the fields again with their dog.
I gaped at him. "N-Nick...." I started trembling.
"Hello, Liza," he grinned at me. "It's alright, sweetheart, it's okay..."
"I've missed you," I smiled through my tears. "God, I-- I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you, too."
"What is this place?"
"Don't you recognize it?" He looked around proudly, opening his arms. "It's ours. It's the little bed and breakfast you so desperately wanted."
"So... it's...."
"You've got to go, Liza.... besides, you promised we would."
"But you-- Nick, I don't know if I can do this without you."
My husband laughed. "Don't be absurd! You've never been without me. I've always been with you, my love. You reach for me every morning and what you don't realize is that I'm always there."
"Nick..." I let out a sob. "I wanted to go with you!"
"It wasn't your time."
"And it was yours?! Did you not see them, Nick? We have a little girl, and a little boy! Children that need their father and you're telling me it was just your time?!"
He was silent for a few moments, gazing out at the sunset. "Come on," he motioned for me to follow as he climbed up the porch to go sit on the bench by the front door. I went and sat next to him, and he slid an arm around my shoulders. "Liza... darling.... I didn't want this. I didn't choose it. Obviously, if given the choice, I'd have lived to one hundred by your side. But this is the hand I was dealt. And I'm having to play it." He stopped to watch our children and their dog roll around in the grass.
"What's his name?"
Our son was giggling, howling at Elijah as the furry dog licked his face.
"His name is Nick." My husband glanced at me when I told him, and he smiled as I continued. "I named him after his father."
Nick's eyes darted back out at our children as they played. "They've been inside you for a week, and already, they know me. And they know you, as well." He glanced at me. "Both of them are more alert than you realize. They both feel what you're feeling because they're connected to you, physically and emotionally."
"Are they...."
"Psychic?" People always said he had such a knack for finishing my sentences; if only they knew why. He looked at the two of them, smiling, and he nodded. "They will be."
I started crying again.
"Why does this upset you?"
"It doesn't. It's just not something a child should have to see."
"I know. But Maggie and Nick have the most amazing mother....." Nick smiled at me.
"And one hell of a father," I chuckled.
"So you see?" He smiled, squeezing my shoulder. "Everything's going to be alright. All it takes is a little faith. I love you so much, Liza."
"I love you, too, baby."
"Mommy!" Our son launched himself into my arms, curling up in our laps, and Maggie was right behind him, hugging her father. "I'm so glad we're together."
I woke up with a start and realized I'd been crying. When I sat up, I dried my eyes on my sleeve and glanced at the clock. It was only four in the morning. Throwing my feet over the side of the bed, I pulled on my robe and made my way down the hall, past our first guest room, where Amanda and Eddie were sleeping peacefully, having agreed to stay for an extra day or two. When I came to the second bedroom, I knocked quietly.
"Chris," I whispered, receiving no answer. I knocked again, a little harder the second time. "Chris!"
"Mmm! What! What-- what is it?" There was shuffling behind the door, and in a second, it swung open. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"
"I spoke to Nick."
"You... what?"
We sat in the kitchen together over water and I told him everything. I told him about the bed and breakfast idea and then I told him about the dream, and about what he'd said.
"I want to get out of here, Chris. This is the house I shared with Nick, and I love this house. I love it so much, but right now, it's just too painful. I want to go home. I want to go home and start a new life with my son and my daughter."
Chris was silent for a few moments, thinking things over.
"Whatever you have to say on it, I just thought you'd like to know that I've made my decision."
My God-father looked up at me and chuckled. "Liza, honey, I think it's a brilliant idea."
I cracked a smile. "You do?"
"Yeah. A-and I'll tell you what, I'll stay as long as you need me; I'll help you sell the house, pack, whatever you may need."
"Oh, Chris--"
"No, no," he stopped me, smiling. "Don't argue. Liza, you're the daughter I never had. And what's more, you're my best friend's wife, too. We're family. And families help each other."
I was up at nine the next morning. I stretched and turned to the empty spot in bed next to me; there was a pang in my heart, but I forced a smile and found it was a little easier than I'd anticipated. "Nick?" No answer. I chuckled, sighing. "I know. I love you. And I miss you, baby."
Throwing myself out of bed, I found Chris and Eddie in the kitchen. Chris was on the phone. "Hi, boys."
"Morning, sis."
Chris waved.
"Where's Mandy?"
"Shower."
"Mmm," I poured myself a cup of coffee, then leaned back against the counter. "So. Chris."
He held up his hand to tell me to wait. "What, hon?"
"What do you say to getting started?"
"I'm on the phone with the real estate agent now," he smiled.
"Liza!"
I sighed, hoisting my purse over my shoulder. Two and a half weeks later, the house was sold. It had taken us record time-- even the real estate agent was shocked, but she told us that the neighborhood was very popular. The family moving in was a couple with two girls; I was very happy that there would be love and light to fill this home again.
I'd sold Nick's car a week after the funeral, the same week we went through his will and divided everything up. Everything was cashed out; the bank, life insurance...... I even ended up getting a check in the mail for the ten thousand dollars Joyce owed Nick and me. It was postmarked from Steve and included a note that said, "Use it to start your new life." The money I came away with was beyond enough to do just that. And within days, I'd negotiated and finalized the purchase of a piece of land on Catalina.... without even seeing it. My sister went out one weekend to view the piece of property I'd bought to take pictures and make sure everything was in order; she called that night to tell me that it was beautiful. Perfect, even. Everything was squared away.
My brother's voice reached my ears a second time, calling my name.
"I'm coming!"
"Are you ready?" He asked me when I came into the empty living room.
"No," I sighed, shaking my head. "I can't believe I'm really doing this." I looked about the living room, filled with boxes and furniture. All that was left to do was move it all. I was the most blessed woman in the world: my family and my friends, including all four band-members and all five of my new friends from Rose Red, came by to help me pack. After Chris and the rest of my family went home for the time being, Eddie stayed behind. He stayed behind to help me work, to help me keep my head. And I couldn't have been more grateful. My brother and I were heading out to the moving company's main office to set up the huge truck for the move. We were looking to get the move started sometime within the next three days, and to be quite honest, as painful as it was, I was anxious to get started. I stared at the fire-place, and for an instant, the memory of my favorite Christmas flashed before my eyes. My heart choked the air from my throat as tears flooded my eyes. "Eddie....."
"C'mon, babe. It's alright." My brother guided me out the front door. "Don't think about it, okay?"
We were in the car moments later, driving to the movers' office.
"Eddie?"
"Yeah."
"Do you remember when we were kids and Mom and Dad used to take all of us up and down the coast on the train?"
"Yeah, I do," my brother smiled at the memory. "God, I loved that train..."
"Me, too. I loved how cozy it was, and how you didn't have to worry about anything." I paused for a moment to gaze out the window. Eddie turned onto the main highway. "I was thinking, I want to take that same train home when we go back in a few days."
Eddie thought about it for a moment. "I don't see why not. And just have the movers drive the truck? I think it's a great idea, sis." With that, it was settled. We'd get our tickets when we got home that night.
My cell phone rang moments later.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Liza. It's Steve."
"Oh, Steve! Hi! How are you?"
"I'm well, thanks," he laughed. "But I should be asking you the same thing."
"Oh, I...." I chuckled. "I'm getting there, you know?"
"Yeah? That's good."
"Got your check in the mail today. I can't thank you enough."
"Are you kidding? A promise is a promise. Hey, listen, I've got some news for you."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"We bumped up the date. Rose Red is coming down in four days."
I was silent for a moment, letting the news soak in.
"Liza?"
"Yeah. I-- I'm still here. Steve, this-- this is great news." I smiled.
"I know. I'm looking forward to it."
"As am I."
"That's why I just had to call you first with the news. The group, we..... we were thinking about going out to the house and having our own little memorial for Pam and Nick and Vic and Joyce. You know, put out some flowers or something before the place comes down."
"I-- Yeah, I think that's a great idea. When do you want to go?"
Steve called the rest of the group and we settled for the day before the destruction. It couldn't come soon enough.
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MUSIC:
The scene where Liza dreams about herself, Nick and the twins at the bed and breakfast was partially inspired by the song "Guiding Light" by Muse. It's a bittersweet song from Muse's newest album, "The Resistance," and you should definitely listen to it. The music itself is so uplifting; it's the words themselves that are so sad.
