It's hot, so hot, and to top that off it was raining too. I sat on the smooth wood of the porch outside, next to Esme's rocking chair. I sighed heavily, pushed back the sweaty hair from my forehead and closed my eyes. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep or those awful dreams will come to haunt me. There were repulsive creatures, and it was hot there too, in the dream. They said to me that 'Alex could have been alive, Alex could have been with you, but you were too late and now he's in hell.' I always woke up screaming after that, would if he is in hell, would if my angel is alone and unhappy or even scared, like me, he might need me and I can't even go to him. I leaned my head back breathing slowly, in and out, "Evelyn, honey are you alright?" I looked up startled, Esme and Carlisle were watching me from their seats on the porch, I'd forgotten they were there. I nodded quickly, I didn't talk to anyone that much anymore, I know what they are all thinking they want to send me to a shrink or mental hospital or something, well I'm not going. I longed to go sit in Carlisle's lap like I used too, I was so messed up, I miss Alex so much he was my other half.

I want someone to hug me and tell me I'm not a nutcase, but they don't, they leave me alone, and talk about sending me to one of those damned shrinks. I know they want me to be Evelyn again but I just can't. I remembered those ideas I had in my head a couple of months ago, about my parent's break up, Edward ready to kill himself when he heard Bella committed suicide. I wouldn't have to go all the way to Italy to kill myself, my half human body was so easy to hurt. How would I do it? How do humans kill themselves? Drug overdose? No, that's not for me. Bella kept plenty of knives in the kitchen, but I can't risk blood being everywhere my family would know what I'm up to and try to stop me, The cliff. That would hurt, it's exactly what I need. Alex is going to hate me after this, but a world without him is unbearable, "You die I die, remember?", there was a big cliff in the La Push area, but I couldn't go there, that's what those two men said, something about a treaty? Oh who gave a crap, I'll be dead and with Alex by the time they find me, this was worth it, I'm completely crazy.

I've been thinking this over for a while now, my family would be better off without me, right? They won't have to worry about my sanity anymore. They won't have to worry if I'm happy or holding something in or anything anymore, they deserve a break from me. I've heard about kids who are depressed and slit their wrists and want to kill themselves, but I'm not depressed am I, If I am I'm not looking for attention and the world doesn't care about a girl whose one and only love died and now she wants to die too, the world just doesn't care and I don't care either. I sat up straight, my mind was buzzing, I honestly didn't want to leave my family, but I need Alex too much. I stood up and at the same time I bumped my waist into Esme's rocking chair, "Oh," Esme said startled, "Sorry," I mumbled and walked around my grandparents to the screen door. I was ready to cry again, even though my body was exhausted from it I would burst any minute. I would miss them, really, but like I said I need Alex just too much.

I walked down the long hall to the staircase that led to my bedroom, the thumping of my bare feet and heart ringing in my ears. I was wearing jean shorts and a black tee-shirt, the black is one of the reasons I was so sweaty, the sun attracts to it. Wes leaned out of is door, "You okay?" he asked, I supposed he was packing his stuff for college, I would really miss my brother, and it pained me more that he had no idea of what I was planning to do. I nodded and walked passed my big brother up the stairs to my bedroom. I would leave Wes a letter, saying that I was sorry and that I loved him and the family, and that I'm sorry. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I was actually kind of nervous just then, scared that Wes would figure out my plan and try to stop me, you see my brothers and I sort of had this telepathic sibling thing going on, Wes is the best at it. I sat at my vanity and pulled out a piece of paper,

Wes,

I'm so sorry, I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and Ian, and that I'm unhappy and really need this because by the time you read this I'll be with Alex. Remember when you gave me Wally? Well I'm giving him back to you, I hope you do well in college and please, always remember that your nutcase sister loves you, I think you should give Scarlett a chance, she likes you too.

I love you,

Evi.

I had to wipe my eyes at least 1,000 times before I could get the letter done, I rummaged in a drawer for a big envelope, and I hugged Wally before I put him in the with the letter, "bye Wally," I whispered softly. Part of me couldn't believe I was doing this and part of me wanted it so bad it hurt. "I'm coming, Alex" I muttered under my breath as I sealed the yellow envelope. It was almost 5:00 and it was still light outside, my favorite month was August, it was so calm and carefree, until now. I slipped black flip-flops on my feet and looked around the gloomy room once more before I closed the door behind me. Out of all the other house I've lived in this was my favorite, it had a certain charm that I loved, the meadow all around and the trees and the mile long road. I would definitely miss it here, no doubt about it. I thought of Mali, she would be okay, won't she? The nurses will make sure she is, that put me at peace for a while, knowing that at least Mali would be alright. But she might be hurting too, Alex was like a brother to her, she'll move with her life and get out of that hospital, yeah, I'm sure of it.

I slowly walked down the hallway taking everything in, I stopped into Edward and Bella's room for a minute, hiding the envelope behind my back, "Hi, sweetheart." Bella said, she gave me a dazzling smile I only gazed at her unblinkingly, "are you alright?" Edward asked with concern coming closer, I backed off, this was a mistake coming in here, now I feel awful. "yeah, I'm fine don't worry about me anymore, okay?" I asked, Bella looked at Edward and I backed out of the room. I walked down the hallway with the things I could have said buzzing around in my head, I love you both, I'm sorry for doing this to you, It was me who set the rug on fire in Alaska not Ian. I shook my head and walked out the front door with my keys in hand. Wes and Ian were in one of the back garages tinkering with the new corvette engine Ian just bought, I rolled my eyes. "Guys? I said softly, they both looked up surprised at the sound of my voice. "What's up?" I shrugged trying to hide my pain from them, "I just wanted to leave this and to tell you I'm going out. Can you tell Edward and Bella for me?" that was the most they've heard me speak in 3 months, they both smiled thinking I was going to get better now that I was talking to people again. "sure have fun," Ian waved, I grimaced, I wished I could hug them and tell them I love them, but I couldn't they would only try and stop me from doing what I've been wanting to do for 3 months.