Chapter 52 - The Trial
The morning awoke and with it came the sun as was customary. The light sprewed through the window into Snape's cell and woke him up. He seemed somewhat nervous as his slittery eyes slowly slatted open and he prepared himself for the new day. He got up and put on his finest clothes which had been brought over for him by the Azkaban lackies (or Azkalackies) for short. He had a really quite cool snakeskin suit with ripply pinstripes that were made from differently coloured snakes. Next door to him was Luscious who was already awokened. The night was friendly to him and the unease that pervaded Snape was not to be found in him at all. He was wearing a fine green threaded beauty of an outfit. It had both a really nicely fitted form whilst also still allowing for deep and useful pocket space, it was truly a man's outfit amongst the boy's clothes. Dumbledoor was in the room below, the calmness that was on his outer layer was not present inside. There was some uneasyness in him somewhere, but he did not know where or why, he just felt the sphincteral consequences. He placed his finest jewels on and stretched his aching bones. After looking himself up and down in the mirror he felt ready and proceeded out of his room and into the corridor. He looked around and saw the other main characters nearby, all looking tired more than anything else. He then looked along the corridor and saw Snape with a smile and Hans in his ear whispering slippery sneakrets which pleased the slimy man. Luscious was there as well and similarly happier than he should have been. They then went around the corridor and to the side of the defendants whilst the good guys went the other way to the side of the prosecution. They all waited in the waiting room, waiting to be called on. As soon as they arrived Dumbledoor was called through, and so he went through and into the courtroom.
The head judge sat marginally higher than the other judges as to show himself to be in charge. "Professor Dumbledoor" he said aloud as he welcomed the bearded teacher into the room, "I have a transcript here from what I believe to be the supposed series of events, but for the sake of those at home or on the bench with me, can you kindly refurbish us with the story." Dumbledoor took a deep breath and told the court of how people had been going missing around Hogwarts and that Snape and Luscious had been spotted everywhere that the howlings had been happening. They were even found to be conspiring to kill the Gryfindoor students, initially by abandoning them in the Hogwarts hills, then by attacking them at High Hrothgar. He then mentioned that they had killed the ghost of Moaning Michael and beyond that they had killed a student at Hogwarts, Esk, which was what prompted Dumbledoor to go into hiding. The room seemed appalled by these accusations and the executioner was mentally sharpening his head slicing knife. "What evidence do you have for these accusations?" asked the judge as he maintained his neutral facial expression. Then Dumbledoor called upon his witnesses who all corroborated with his story perfectly. "T'was then and no mistake" said Luna. "Yes, everywhere the howling happened they were there" said Fred and George who were callup upon at the same time. "I am most certain that it was them that were there when Esk was killed" said Hermione, trying to keep it simple. "I am so sure of it being them, tormenting us and chasing us through the mountains, trying to kill us, and causing the deaths of a few students" said Neville. "Actually, your honour" said Hans, "I have a question for this witness." "Okay then" said the judge, a bit confused by all of this. "Mr. Chamberlain" started Hans, "Longbottom" corrected Neville peeved, "sorry, Mr. Chamberbottom, can you please describe your relationship with Eskarina?". "I was a friend of Esk's" said Neville, "we weren't particularly close but...we had moments.". "But that was before she died in Hogwarts right?" asked Hans, "Howabout afterwards, I believe you two were close after then." Neville gulped and started to sweat a bit. "Of course" continued Hans, "that was Dumbledoor. Silly me. Sorry, what was your relationship with Dumbledoor like after he transformed into Esk?". Neville could see the trap being laid for him. "Well I for one didn't know that it was Dumbledoor in her body" he explained, mind frazzling, trying to get out of this without lying to both man and god. The whole room went into a corresponding silence with Neville. "We….were close". The interest of everyone in the court was now at a peak. "I have heard that you were sexual partners on several occasions" said Hans scoffing with confidence, "I have heard it said that you two were in a proper relationship, in a tree and spelling out the word 'kissing'. Are you denying this?". Neville knew that there was no crime punished more harshly than lying in the court of man and god. If he were to be caught doing so he would be sentenced to death and the devil would be given a copy of his court transcript and force Neville to insert phallic turnips up his bunghole whilst denying any derived pleasure for all eternity. This was not something that Neville wanted to happen, and so in a burst of tears he admitted it, but insisted that he never knew that she was Dumbledoor. "Very well Mr. Longbottom" said the judge with a shake of the head, "call upon Dumbledoor!". And so Dumbly was called back into the room.
His whiskers sat still on his face, his lips did not move as he expected they would. This was an open and shut case, yet was reopened again like a bottle of often used milk. But this milk was the milk of justice, and it was beginning to sour. "Yes, your honour?" asked Dumbledoor with an eyebrow raised in his mind. "New evidence has come to light to suggest that you have partaken often and willingly of bum-buggery of the most deviously delectable extent. Do you have any statement you would wish to make?" said the judge with a judgemental voice. Dumbledoor took in a breath and replied, "no comment" and sat down. "So" said a viscious Luscious, "you do not deny it?" with his tongue slithering about his face. "Do you?" replied Dumbledoor like a sassy cunt. "Mr. Dumbledoor" commented the judge, "this isn't like farts where the ruling can be made based on the premise of 'he who smelt it, dealt it'. Are you seriously accusing of faggotry in a court of both man and god?". Luscious wanted to correct the judge on his surinam but decided that it would be an odd moment to do so and let it slide. Dumbledoor said nothing and it was then decided that the court would recess for a few hours because this was a fucking YUGE deal and they would have to figure a lot of things out if they were to continue on. There was one thing for certian, there was going to have to be two trials. Dumbledoor left the room and went into the common area with the rest of his posse who were all silent. "What happened?" asked Rincewind to Dumbledoor who just walked on past him. Everyone is your enemy, everyone is your friend. Every possible series of events is happening all at once. Live that way and nothing will surprise you. Everything that happens will be something that you've seen before. Dumbledoor had tried to live by these words, past down from his father, but he never really knew quite what they meant and what they implied until now.
