Sorry this took a while! Enjoy :) One more chapter to go after this! Happy reading, folks!

48

The Return of Gold

A few days later I'm allowed to bring Oriole home with me. For a while we stay in Pearl's house, but I feel like I'm intruding on the happy reunion between her and Stephen, so after a couple days I move back to the hut that I had prepared for him. He's a pretty quiet baby most of the time, but when he sings, he wails. His eyes are opening now and glow a brilliant sea green. It's like two little gems decorating a tiny sun. His wet eyelashes curl up and frame those tiny eyes. My favorite thing is to sit by his crib and let his tiny fingers wrap around my finger while I hum Mags' lullaby to him. It works like a charm every time.

I'm not sure if it's the hormones or just my own mind tailspinning, but my delusions have increased a lot since Oriole's birth. My dreams are so vivid and horrible, and my imaginary companions are so real that I swear other people can see them too. But even if the room is melting and blood covers the floor, Oriole is immune to these nightmares. My mind doesn't allow him to be part of them. I've never watched my son die, nor has he been touched by any of those horrible corpses that follow me from room to room. He's almost a protection for them, like he's untouchable. When I have my son in my arms, all the hallucinations die away and it's just me, caring for him.

It didn't take long for word to spread about Oriole's birth. Finnick's mother met him the day we came home, and he brought her to tears with his rosy lips and chubby cheeks. I let her hold him as long as she desired, because I could see how thirsty she was for some sunlight in her life. You can't look at Oriole and not smile. I had his picture sent out to all my companions across Panem.

Johanna was ecstatic for me and sent back a doll stuffed with sweet smelling pine needles. I know what they are because of the trip I took to the pond with Finnick. I don't allow it in the crib yet, but I like the smell so it sits in a special spot next to the crib where Oriole can enjoy it too. Delly goes on and on about how wonderful and adorable he is. Plutarch sends me some rattle with a fancy handle and a gorgeous painted design. Peeta sends me a wonderful letter.

Dear Annie,

You're son is incredible, I'm so happy for you. Katniss absolutely adores him, she cried when she saw his picture. We're making a book of memories and his picture is getting it's own page. I'm glad that you have found your family too, Katniss and I have gotten closer. I don't know where it's going, but for now I'm very happy. As far as your son goes, I'm sure Finnick would be so proud of you and I know you'll make a great mother. I'll write you more very soon, and please update us on Oriole as soon as you can!

Wishing you all the best,

Peeta.

P.S. Katniss helped me with the flower.

Inside the letter was a pressed primrose, which I hung on the doorway. He also sent me a parcel of cookies that were delicious, even if they were a little stale by the time they came to me. Katniss sent her own note of congratulations too which came about a week later. I know that she's probably more insane than I am now, so I appreciate the effort it must have taken her to write it. She said something about the green of Finnick's eyes in Oriole and used such sincere words that I nearly teared up. All these letters found a special home on my shelf of memories I created.

And then the day came when I was sitting in the hut, watching as the sun began its dissent in to the sky.

"Annie, a letter came for you," calls the little village girl who does the mail now. Oriole is at Pearl's house so that I can take a break. I get up and receive the thick envelope from her.

"Thank you," I say, and give her my last cookie. She takes it and scampers away. It was really stale, anyway.

I retreat to the table and slit the mouth of the envelope open. First thing I see is the note, so I pull it out and set the rest of the package down. It reads;

Annie! So happy to see that you're son is healthy and functioning. I've been very busy herein the former capitol, and I suspect I have a lot of work to do in the future. When I get the chance, however, I shall gather up some of our friends and come pay you and your son a visit. That is of course, if you don't mind our company! The memorials have all been completed, so thank you for your participation and beautiful speech. I brag about it to anyone that will listen.

Wishing you all the best! You're such a brave girl.

~Beetee

P.S. There's a gift for you inside the package. I hope you like it.

I put down the paper that Beetee had scrawled his message across and dug curiously into the package. My fingers clamped around something hard and strange, and then I froze in shock.

It can't be.

I yank out my hand and find a string of white shells, tied in a bracelet loop. I cover my mouth with my other hand as tears spring to my eyes.

There's a little note attached to it that tells me it was found on a shelf in the Capitol's Training Center, where they kept all the personal belongings of the tributes that got left behind. I press the cool shells against my face and close my eyes. I remind myself how long this had been against his skin, and how much a part of him was in it. When my skin has warmed the shells, I loop them around my wrist and make sure the knot is tight. Because I'm never, ever taking them off. Finnick's voice is clear in my head as I feel the smooth surface of the shells rub against my skin.

Something to hold on to.

The sun is in a full set and the ocean is glowing a bright tangerine color with pink wisps at the corner of the sky. The orange reminds me of Peeta at first because it's his favorite color, but then I think of the way that light used to look bouncing off of Finnick's face and hair. How it made his eyes glow brighter than any other time f the day. There's a swelling in my chest that craves that salty breeze and warm sun.

I throw on a wrap and walk out onto the beach and walk close enough the shoreline to have the waves lap at my feet. The breeze is picking up and very few people are around save for a few boats dotting the horizon. My hand reaches out and touches the shells on my wrist.

I walk until I'm close enough to some foliage to find a large hibiscus dangling from a branch. I pick it off the branch and then look out at the water. The waves are still tugging at the sand and the white shells still gleam like wet glass with the light. The bracelet is working some kind of magic and I can practically feel Finnick—or his memories at least—pressing against me. I remember what Finnick did the night that Mags died in the arena and am suddenly full of determination. I pick grass from around the tree and weave it into a quick basket. Then I grab some flint from someone's beach fire pit and return to my things.

For coming home alive.

I kiss a small white shell and drop it into the basket.

For trying to save me when I was in the arena.

I drop in another shell. I go through every important memory I can think of with Finnick, thank him for it, and drop the shell into the basket. I can't do too many, or the basket wont float at all when I send it out. But it takes long enough that the sun is completely set on the water by the time I'm finished. I think at some point I may have started crying, but they've dried up by now. My little basket is sprinkled with my memories, and it leave me feeling both drained and relieved. So then I pick up the hibiscus and press it to my lips.

For loving me.

I place the flower at the corner of the basket and take it to the edge of the water. The sky has turned a dusty shade of lavender with pink at orange still lingering at the horizon line. I set the basket on the water and test to make sure it floats. Then I strike the flint and let the spark catch the grass edge. A wave comes in and I set the basket—my memories—on the water again and let the tide pull it out to sea.

Wishing you were here again.

The flame licks the rest of it as it pulls further and further out on the water. I watch it glowing brighter and brighter until it disappears under the water.

Deep breaths.

I close my eyes, suck in a deep breath, and then open them again. I start my walk back the beach, and am again reminded of the shells that hold to my wrist. Subtly and silently, I reach my hand out beside me and lace my fingers into a hand that's not there. In my mind, there is. And all the way home I hold Finnick's hand.

When I'm home, I eat dinner. I pick up Oriole from Pearl's house. I feed him and put him to bed. I lay a blanket on my mat to make it softer. I brush my hair before going to sleep myself.

And that's the night Finnick came back to me.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Where am I?

Well okay, I'm at my beach with all the seashells. The sun is really warm and bright and covers everything with a golden shine. The water is azure blue and flopping over lazily with the waves. I scrunch up my toes and feel the sand crumbling beneath me.

Why am I here?

No body else is. When I look around, everything's empty as if no one ever lived here at all. The houses are gone and the plants are amazingly untouched. The sandy beach extends up and over the hill where my only my white plaster hut remains.

I'm waiting. Waiting for the next fuzzy, faceless monster to enter and rip apart the serenity. It's too calm, too peaceful. The only dreams I know are nightmares.

When nothing happens, I sit on the beach facing the ocean. There's a little speck on the horizon that I didn't notice before. It grows larger and larger until I can make out the image of a small fishing boat. There's someone sitting inside, but I can't make them out from this distance. I lose interest and go inside the hut on the top of the hill. It's just like the one I know but the furniture and floor were so clean and perfect, it's as if they've never been touched. I brush my fingers against the grain of the table. The wood feels so real, solid.

Maybe this isn't a dream.

I go to the icebox but there's nothing inside. No matter, I think, I'm not hungry.

After a quick sweep, I head back out to the beach, where I find the boat has drifted almost completely to the shore. I freeze, because standing inside, is Finnick.

He's wearing a seafoam green tunic and white linen pants just like he used to when he live in Four. There's not a hair out of place, and he's so real I swear I see his pulse beating under his skin.

"Annie."

I take a step back. He moves towards me but I back away again. I'm just waiting for it to happen. The moment when he turns into some kind of beast or pile of gore and shatter this gossamer dream. Maybe he'll try to kill me this time, that'd be different.

We stand there for a while; me waiting for emanate destruction and him looking confused.

"Well?" I say impatiently. I'm getting annoyed with his blank expression.

"Well, what?"

"When are you going to explode or murder me or something? Let's get it over with."

His face twists up in confusion. "I'm not here to hurt you, Annie."

"Then why are you here?" I bite back, feeling tears in my eyes. I wish he didn't look so real. I wish he were faceless like in all the other dreams. It's just going to make it all that much worse.

"I came to see you," he says sincerely, now looking concerned. He takes another couple steps towards me but I cringe away. He stops and I can barely stand his new expression of hurt.

"This is cruel," I whimper. "This isn't fair at all."

"Annie, I don't understand, I thought you'd be happy to see me?"

I shake my head and dare to look at those sea green eyes. "Not like this. Any moment now you're going to leave, or die, or do something horrible. So just do it and get it over with."

He blinks and reaches out to hold me, but I shy away again. "Don't touch me. Please."

But this time he doesn't listen. He covers the space between us in a few steps and wraps his arms tightly around me, holding me fast even as I struggle to get away. I writhe and kick, shouting terrible things. But the longer he kept me there, the more aware I was of the familiar smell of salt on his skin. Of the warmth radiating in his chest and the muscles tightening in his arms. Of his face pressing against the top of my head. And his voice murmuring comfort that I finally started to hear.

"Sh, Annie, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

I stop struggling and sink into his chest, wrapping his tunic in my fingers and letting the sobs take over.

Okay then, have your moment. Indulge in his realness for a little while. Might as well.

I can hear the air passing in and out of his lungs. I can feel his heart against my cheek.

Thud, thud, thud.

It feels so wonderful that eventually, when my crying has stopped, I just put my arms around him and hold him as well. I feel him start to pull away and tighten my grip.

"Please don't go," I urge him. He gently pulls away and looks straight into my eyes, a gesture that makes my knees weak. It's been so long since I've seen those eyes. I've missed them so much.

"I'm not going anywhere," he answers with sincerity. Then the next thing I know he's kissing me, or maybe I kissed him, it's all unclear. But it feels so warm, so familiar and loving that I can't stop it. And when our lips part I press my forehead to his and keep my eyes closed.

"What's happening?" I groan, knowing I'll regret how much I've indulged in Finnick later. Later when he's no longer there. "Why are you here?"

"This is our place. I'll come here every night, if you'll have me."

I pull back and look at him.

"Like a ghost?"

He smiles and shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure it's more scientific then that. But I'm not going to define what is and isn't a dream, nor even try to explain them. All you have to know is that I'm real because you made me real and this is where you can find me for the rest of your life. I'll grow old with you, if that's what you want."

"You're Finnick?" I repeat, putting my finger on his chest. He certainly feels like Finnick.

"The very same," he smiles, kissing my forehead. "And I love you so."

My hands tremble with adrenaline and shock, so I decide the put them at my sides. I stand there a long time studying the man in front of me. His eyes are the same green with that gentle, flickering shine. Same smile with the perfect dimples and pearly teeth. Same jaw. Messy hair. I couldn't find anything to shatter the idea that he was, in fact, Finnick.

"Did it hurt?" I ask finally, "When you died?"

He shakes his head. "It was too chaotic to feel a thing."

I don't know if that's the truth, or the words that my subconscious put into his mouth so that I'd hear what I want to hear, but it was spoken with such convincing inflection and clarity, I suddenly don't care.

"I love you," I say firmly. "And I've missed you. More than you can imagine."

He presses his lips hard against mine, and I'm swimming, floating, spinning.

I'm looking at the ceiling of my plaster hut. Oriole is crying loudly from his crib, which I'm guessing pulled me from my sleep.

I'm floored by what just happened and can't seem to get up right away.

Finnick. I saw Finnick.

I don't even feel emptiness or longing when I realize I'm alone with Oriole. I'm just excited and happy. Like the gaping hole in my chest was finally being mended.

"Sh, baby, don't cry," I coo, pulling Oriole into my arms. "Don't cry," I repeat, even as tears run down my own cheek. But they're happy tears, so I don't hold them back. "It's going to be okay. Everything's alright. Hush."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I was nervous to go to sleep the next night. What if he wasn't there? What if that was only a once in a lifetime dream and all the rest would just be filled with nothing? Darkness dense enough to kiss your skin. I dressed in a good nightgown even though I don't think I go into the dream wearing what I wear to bed. And I looked at myself in the mirror. Long, wavy dark hair. Pale freckles. Green eyes. Too skinny and pale, but alive. I could smile, but not if Finnick didn't return to me that night. But sure enough, when the world disappears, there he is on his little boat.

"Finnick!" I call out. He stumbles in his boat and drops the paddle in the water. He jumps in to go and get in and then climbs back in before the ways carried his vessel away.

"Look what you made me do," he says when he's close enough to hear.

"It's not like you can't swim," I joke with a sly grin. His messy bronze hair sticks to his forehead with the salt water.

"I wasn't sure if you'd make it," I admit as he hops out of the boat and wades through the banking waves. He's focused on the tumbling water and sand until he's a few inches away, when his head snaps up and kisses me full on the mouth. It's so incredibly real and familiar that I lose myself and pull him down to the sand. I can feel every grain of it brushing the skin on my back, and as we move it seems to melt to give way for us.

"You're so beautiful," I laugh when I finally pause long enough to look at him fully. So bronzed and muscular yet not intimidating. He smiles and shakes his head. I feel his lips and teeth on my neck and shiver with how incredible it feels. His body is astoundingly solid and warm.

"I missed this," he sighs, moving from my neck to my jaw and then back to my lips. Those are the last words spoken for a while as we wrap ourselves into one another while the sun sets over the ocean. When it's over, Finnick is leaned against a tree with his arms wrapped around me, and I lean up against him. It's been so quiet and peaceful for so long, it sounds bizarre when I start laughing.

"What?" Finnick asks.

"I just can't believe this is happening!" I laugh harder. "Days ago I was just struggling to accept that you were gone forever. And now here I am, cuddling with you as if you never left! It's just…surreal."

I don't know at what point my laughing turns to tears, but suddenly I can't stop them. I feel so ridiculous, but there's nothing I can do.

"Hey," Finnick sounds concerned. He turns me around so we're face to face and wipes the tear off my cheek.

"You were gone," I whimper, "It was so lonely."

He's face looks miserable and he pulls me into a hug. "I know Annie, I'm so sorry. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I didn't have a choice; I had to go to the Capitol. I had to stay behind. But I'm here now. I'll be here for you every night. I hope that's enough."

I take in a deep breath and calm myself down. "Any little bit is enough. I'll take anything I can get."

We look at each other and he taps my nose with his finger affectionately. "You're not alone Annie. You have Pearl and Echo. Stephen…Kai and Kiandra. My mother..."

"And our son." Realization strikes me and I can't believe I haven't said anything before. "Finnick, we have a son."

He grins widely, "Tell me about him."

I continue to tell Finnick everything I know about Oriole. From his tiny toes to his big green googly eyes. His messy wisps of bronze hair. How his presence lit up my life that I don't think I could stand without him.

"I wish you could meet him," I say eventually. I'm facing out at the water again with my head leaned against Finnick's chest. "But I never dream about Oriole. It's like my mind protects him from it."

Finnick nods, though his eyes are fixed on some distant point out in the ocean. "He can't come where we are anyway," he says. "This is a place only for us. In the corners of your mind, opened by penetrating longing."

I chew my bottom lip and comprehend that for a moment. Then I smile.

"Well you're watching over him, anyway."