Chapter Forty-Nine
If there was one good thing about being in the Fire Nation, it was that the humid air didn't bite like the wind in the South Pole.
"This is nice," Ty Lee said. Her voice was soft, almost buried by the sound of the air streaking by as they flew. In fact, she'd been pretty soft-spoken and unobtrusive ever since Sokka had rejoined his friends.
"Is there a reason you wanted to do this now?" he asked. The words sounded strange to his ears, too forced. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to admit to himself or to Ty Lee that he'd made a mistake by kissing her that day on the beach, but it was better to end it now so it wouldn't crash down on him while they were fighting the Fire Lord.
Better to get this conversation out of the way before they were out of chances to talk about it.
"Yes," she said.
There was a pause.
"And that reason would be . . . ?"
He might've imagined Ty Lee's faint sigh, or it might've been the air, thick with humidity, whipping by his ear as Appa twisted through the sky. Either way, several seconds passed before Ty Lee spoke. "You love Suki."
Sokka winced, hands tightening on the reins. He tugged on the leather ropes, urging Appa to slow so they could land. Below, a cluster of islands dotted the sea, like drops of paint over a blue canvas. Appa descended with minimal prompting.
Ty Lee waited, saying nothing as sand scattered around them. Sokka climbed down and walked toward the back of the saddle to offer her a hand. She took it in silence, sliding down the bison's fur. As soon as her feet touched down, she released his hand.
There is no way this conversation can turn out well, he thought, lowering his head. He'd made mistakes. Everyone did. But he'd always expected to be a better person than the one who had betrayed Suki with that one impulsive kiss. "I made a mistake."
Ty Lee said nothing, brushing her hair behind her ear. It was grown back enough so that it no longer looked like a boy's haircut, but the ends were starting to fray, and it had lost some of its luster since they'd been captured and sent to separate prisons.
He wondered if her silence was meant to indicate disappointment or if it was an accusation. Maybe both, he thought. I deserve it, whatever it is.
"Look," he said, trying to meet her eyes despite the guilt churning away in his stomach. "I'm sorry. You're right, I do love Suki. I should've told you, or . . . I wasn't . . ." He couldn't remember the last time he'd struggled for words like this. Every apology that flashed through his mind seemed inadequate. How could I have led her on like that? How could I betray Suki? I used to be good at things like this, so why did I have to go and mess things up? He swallowed thickly. "I just . . ."
For the first time since they'd landed, Ty Lee spoke. "Sokka, I love you."
"You're doing it wrong."
Aang groaned, and turned back to Zuko. "I've been working on this all day. Can't I take a break?"
"There isn't time for you to slack off. Do you realize how close Sozin's Comet is?"
The Avatar flung both hands into the air. "Of course I do! That's practically all I've been thinking about for the past year. But I can't do this!"
Zuko's eyebrow twitched; he closed his eyes. "Firebending isn't something you learn in a day, or even in a few weeks. Even Azula took years to master it, and she was a prodigy."
"Then what makes you think I can master it in time?"
Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to rein in his impatience. He'd always thought everything had come so easily to the Avatar. Of course it was. Any Avatar who could master three of the four elements before they turned thirteen was a natural. Still, Zuko couldn't really bring that up now, when the Avatar was actually struggling with something. Zuko sighed. "Okay, change of plans. Sit down."
Aang plopped onto the sand and crossed his legs. Across from him, Zuko did the same, taking on a meditative position. "Are we going to meditate on the spiritual aspects of firebending?"
"No. We're going to talk about something." He paused, organizing his thoughts. "Firebending is directly tied to one's emotional state. Anger, passion, and hatred can all drive one's firebending, but there are other ways to do it." At least, that was what his Uncle had always claimed. Personally, Zuko found anger quite effective, but if that wasn't working for Aang, he had to think of another way.
"Like what?" Aang asked.
"You've seen Azula fight. She doesn't use anger, or at least she doesn't show it. She's cold-blooded."
He was surprised to see the airbender nodding. He hadn't expected someone who'd had such a peaceful upbringing to understand how a person could be so cold and cruel, yet still smile like they were in the middle of a game. Then again, perhaps the boy had fought with Azula enough that it didn't matter.
"My point is, you don't necessarily have to use anger to fight. It's effective, but you don't have to."
Aang nodded again. "Okay, so what else can we do?"
That stumped him for a minute. "Uh . . . Let me think." He frowned, trying to isolate other sources of firebending he'd tapped into. The only time I've ever managed to shoot lightning was against my sister, but that can't be the only reason. I fought her before that and never managed to shoot lightning. His eyebrows slanted down as he tried to identify other factors that had been related to his brief competence with lightning. The first time it happened was in the Crystal Catacombs, when Azula was about to burn Katara with her fire blast.
He hadn't loved Katara then, hadn't even considered love a possibility, but he did remember wanting to save her. She'd been the first of her group to offer him sympathy or kindness. He hadn't wanted her to be hurt.
"All right," Zuko said, pulling the Avatar from his abstraction. "Who do you care about most in this world?"
Aang's forehead wrinkled. "Well . . . Katara, I guess."
Okay, good. Common ground. "So you want to protect her, right?"
The Avatar nodded enthusiastically.
"Then when you're working on your firebending, imagine you're up against someone who really wants to hurt her. Fire isn't like air. Throwing a wall of air at a person won't hurt them, but even a little bit of fire can cause severe damage. When you strike, you have to mean it, and if you want to mean it, you need some reason to be doing it."
Aang hesitated. "But . . ."
"But what?" Zuko demanded.
"It's just . . . The air nomads were a peaceful people. They preferred to avoid confrontations whenever possible, and that if you had to fight, it was better to avoid hurting your opponent."
Zuko opened his mouth to tell him that didn't make any sense. Fighting was all about hurting your opponent. But Aang looked so uncertain. What can I do? Zuko wondered, frustrated. How can I reverse years of pacifism?
Katara's voice pierced through the air, loud and clear. "Aang! Zuko! Dinner's ready!"
A smile broke out across the Avatar's face as he shot to his feet. Zuko's hand snaked out, catching Aang's wrist and pulling him back before he could escape. "Hey, the lesson isn't over!"
"But it's time for dinner," Aang objected, tugging his arm away. Zuko kept a firm grip on him.
"Listen," he said. "You have to learn firebending, and to do that, you need to be motivated. I want you to think about all the things you want to protect, then make a list for our lesson tomorrow."
"Fine. Can I go now?"
Zuko released his wrist and watched the Avatar sprint toward the campfire. Most of the others had already gathered there and picked up bowls and eating utensils. After a moment, Zuko sighed. I need to find a way to get him to learn firebending, he thought. But how am I supposed to do that when he goes bounding off every chance he gets?
"Zuko, are you coming?" Katara asked when he didn't approach immediately. Warmth flooded his chest as their eyes met, almost painful in its intensity. I have someone I need to protect, he thought, starting toward the campfire. I always used to fight for myself, to prove I could surpass my sister, but I was never able to produce lightning until I chose to protect someone else. Is that why I'm still able to keep fighting? Have I remained strong because I want to protect the people I care about more than I want to prove myself to my father?
He didn't know. All he knew was that he'd do anything to protect her, even if it cost him everything else.
Author's Notes:
I know I haven't been updating very often lately. I've had horrible writer's block on this story, and it probably shows. But since I just got my wisdom teeth taken out, I've got a lot of time in which I'm basically doing nothing but sitting around, so I managed to eke out a chapter for you guys. Hope it doesn't seem as terrible to you as it does to me.
