when you kill someone off you expect to never see them again, right
as an angsty writer i will make you watch it again
also model united nations was so boring i found time to write this lol - also i'm writing an omake with the kirkland gang so watch out for that ^^
three today (aw) , so replies are up here
mailbox
hearthorse11 - oh yes it is, and i'm going to make you go through it again muahaha. the mixtape is gold, honestly
pastaaddict - kiku takes it harder than you think he does! here you go
russia says hello - i'll just pass tissues to your heart and pin this chapter to your brain so that i won't break it any further. no promises though haha
as always, i do not own the selection nor hetalia. these belong to kiera cass and himaruya hidekaz respectively. disclaimer for even more blatant mpreg (sorry), gerita, and pov change
later
"Kiku? Is there something wrong?" he said softly, as if he hadn't been in what looked like pretty bad pain three seconds ago.
"B…but...are you all right, Your Highness?" Kiku spluttered.
"You…you seemed like you were in pain, and the King went to fetch someone for help-"
The Jack laughed, and patted his head in an expression of fondness.
"Nonsense, Kiku! Ludwig," he said, with careful emphasis. "He went to get the relic we use for this purpose. It's just my body reacting, that's all. It's a little weird when it's carrying a little life inside it! He should be back soon-ah, Lud!"
Feliciano was right – instead of a small crowd of nurses, he had returned with one maid holding a tub of hot water and a small towel, and a small figurine that Kiku recognized as the small Fate in their prayer room as he put it down in front of him.
"Vee, that feels a lot better," Feliciano sighed as the maid lifted a bit of his loose shirt and rubbed the towel soaked in water onto his stomach. "Do you have some pasta?"
"We just ate dinner not that long ago, Feli!" Ludwig chastised. "I'm sorry for accidentally giving you a little fright there, Kiku. This is actually completely normal."
"Is it that…is it that painful?"
"Well, it is a completely different shift of anatomy that Feliciano is used to," Ludwig began to explain. "The Fates allow power of body alteration so that a baby can be taken to term. That's why in some extreme cases, especially in the first years after the virus had hit, we could still keep on going."
"But, um, does the baby come out that way, or…" Kiku said, trying not to sound embarrassed, but Ludwig's reply seemed to take that in stride.
"It would destroy a male's body if that was attempted," he said with a tone of seriousness. "It was only delivered then if there was literally no choice. But now, we're lucky with all the newfangled technology that we can remove the children from the makeshift womb in the parent giving birth."
"Nothing to worry about, Kiku. Little episodes like these are completely normal." Feliciano said reassuringly. "So many couples in Cards do this. If they come to Hearts, it's almost guaranteed safety."
"Oh…" Kiku said, feeling like he was finally starting to understand what they were talking about. So do other come to Hearts for help before conception?"
"We've been a symbol of life and fertility, and that's why virtually all couples, same-sex and opposite-sex, do come here." Ludwig confirmed.
"The Clubs couple came over as well! Queen Elizabeta and Jack Roderich."
"But they are a male and female couple...should they not easily have children? Did they not have two healthy babies?"
Elizabeta and Roderich were infamous and well known for being the only couple that had given birth to two girls and having the mother and both children survive in more than fifty years. Even more interestingly, Elizabeta had chosen to give birth the biological way both times, and a lot of people had just called it good luck, especially since she was a royal of Clubs. But choosing to do so was a lot more dangerous than the so-called C-section that was made common practice after the virus had broken out, and usually required incredible strength.
Even though Alfred and Matthew's mother was also well known for giving birth to both of the twins and managing to stay alive, she had delivered it by C-section and therefore it was considered a less formidable feat.
"Well, after the Diamonds war her abdomen was injured in a battle that she was leading. She took a hit for a soldier and afterwards she found out that the hit would make her infertile for the rest of her life. At that time, the King of Clubs had not chosen an heir because he was waiting for his son to finish his training in the military. So she and Roderich traveled over here for the blessing, and four months later, she was pregnant." Ludwig said, recounting the tale to a fascinated Jack and soon to be Queen.
"It's so lovely, isn't it?" Feliciano enthused, waving his arms around. "How couples that could not have children cradling babes in their arms, even though we were not born for these things! Those chubby cheeks and sweet smiles…"
"Don't overexert yourself, Feli." Ludwig said sternly, but his actions did not match his words as he held his hands gently, placing them back on his stomach. "After that episode, you must rest."
The three of them sat in the room talking casually, until a knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Kiku found that it was one of the doctors – Dr Julianna, who had treated him since the beginning of the process.
"I'm terribly sorry for interrupting your conversations, Your Highnesses, but I must perform the checkup on Queen Kiku right now." she said, curtsying. "Would you like me to do it here, my Queen?"
"I think, er," Kiku said, looking to Ludwig and Feliciano for confirmation. When they both nodded, he turned back. "It seems to be no issue."
"Would you mind waiting here? I want to make sure our Jack goes to sleep," Ludwig said, but Feliciano shook his head fiercely.
"Isn't it important that I'm here for Kiku? Sleep can wait, you've already excused me from all my duties!"
"Feli!" he insisted, but after a few moments with a stubborn Jack he seemed to relent, but settled for pulling a chair for Feliciano to sit down on.
Kiku closed his eyes as she removed his shirt and began the check; he still wasn't all too comfortable with the process but was getting used to the lack of privacy that seemed to come with being a royal. Even though the number of cameras had decreased as Toris had left, they were still here.
"Good news, Your Highnesses – the Mark is making significant progress ever since our last checkup last night. According to the colouration and the shaping, if everything will go at this point, it will arrive earliest by next week and will definitely be here by next month."
"Wonderful," Ludwig said, with a hint of a smile on his face. Kiku couldn't help but wince a little at how still intimidating his smile was to him sometimes. "Would you mind escorting the queen and I to his new bedroom?"
A new bedroom? Kiku thought quizzically as the doctor packed up and the three of them went up to close the unfinished nursery.
He had been staying in his old Deciding bedroom for the past few weeks when they were still waiting on the Mark, and he hadn't thought he would be moving to the queen's bedroom until he had come public with the rest of the Suit.
They decided to lead Feliciano to his and Ludwig's bedroom before they continued.
"Goodnight, my Lud!" Feliciano sang, leaning on his tiptoes to bring his husband into a goodnight kiss. His tights had been swapped out for long, comfortable cream pants, and he looked very comfortable in them.
"Goodnight, my Feli." Ludwig said in return, looking a little embarrassed at the show of public affection, which Kiku had politely turned around to avoid looking. "Please, do not wait for me, I will be back soon."
Soon, they were back on track to a section that seemed to be on the other side of the castle. Julianna was walking behind them while Ludwig and Kiku were discussing going public with the announcement.
"Well, I'm not sure if you have seen them yet, but some tabloids have been picking up on a potential win in Hearts. However, they don't know that it is you that has won, so hopefully you do not feel any pressure at all." Ludwig told him.
"I appreciate your concern, but thank you." Kiku replied, instantly feeling relieved. "Unfortunately, Dr Julianna said earliest by next week that my Mark would appear…do I have to show the developed Mark on the Broadcast?"
"That's what usually happens," he said gruffly. "Even I had to do it as a child in case I was deemed unfit to become heir. Shall we set it for next week, then?"
Kiku's expression was surprised. "But the doctor said it would appear earliest by next week…"
"I have faith in you, Kiku," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "I believe that this will be one of the fastest developing Marks that I have ever heard of. I don't believe our people will doubt you at all."
"Our people…" he echoed. Had the King accepted him as a Queen already?
"I know you get along exceedingly well with Feliciano already, and you seem to be able to discuss with Lovino, which is a skill I lack," he confided sheepishly. "So I think our partnership as King and Queen does not need to be romantic to work very well. I would appreciate a partnership with someone who thinks concisely and will not distract me easily with his antics." Kiku could already tell he was talking about his husband in the way his voice softened and his eyes lost their sharpness for a moment. "I do believe we can get along well, despite not being romantically involved – unless you have hidden feelings for me?"
He…he actually has a sense of humour!? Kiku spluttered internally and externally, which he came to realize a little later.
"I would never dream of it, Your H-" he began, but took note of his little head shake and started again. "I would never dream of it, er…Ludwig. You and Feliciano are a wonderful couple."
"I'm thankful to have my Queen's approval." he said. "…However, are you still comfortable with the announcement next week? I understand if you don't want to."
Kiku took a deep breath before nodding, offering a smile of his own.
He'd never expected this sort of friendship with both Feliciano and Ludwig, after all.
It felt like nothing could go too awry with the three of them helping in rule the country.
"If it's not too much trouble, may I leave you on your own tonight? Feliciano wants to go through some numbers regarding the census tomorrow morning, and I have to draft the speech and figures for the next cabinet meeting next month in advance. I hope that you find everything to your liking. Feli insisted on helping out," Ludwig said, opening the door. It was structured exactly like the husbands' conjoined rooms, except half the size and a smaller door. "We had to do some renovation when I moved across the castle to share a room with him, so the next door room is completely empty. You may choose to do whatever you want with that, if you would like to."
"This is very kind of you, my Kin-Ludwig…" Kiku said, already in awe. "Please extend my greatest thanks to Feli."
"No issue. I am very sorry, but I need some help with military census due by next week, do you think you can help out with some casualty reports? They're on your bedroom desk, I figured that you might want to stay in this room for tonight so I asked Miss Sophia to deliver them."
"Have a good sleep, Ludwig."
"You doubly, Kiku. Get settled in well."
They exchanged bows, and then Ludwig closed the door and Kiku was alone for one of the first times in his day.
Walking slowly in his room, he managed to slowly take in all of the glamour. His bed was the centerpiece of the room, of course, but he could see Feliciano's hand in the design in the paintings of red flowers dotting the room. They were paintings of roses, tulips, carnations and chrysanthemums among other flowers. There were the living basics, such as a black and red four poster, two luxurious couches in the corner, a port like device that seemed to serve as a television as well, a towering bookcase, a door that led to the toilet in another room. Kiku had these luxuries before, but not at this extent as to his surprise he found a huge hot tub in place of a simple bathtub. He couldn't resist placing a handful of dried rose petals when he took his bath.
When he was finally done, he appreciated the rack of towels that were made available to him, and dried off and slipped into a simple red robe and some pink fluffy slippers – no doubt a cute touch by Feliciano - that was already hanging from the hooks. He sat in his chair, ready to read the notes that Ludwig had mentioned.
Log Twenty Eight – available for viewing at 9:15:85 EST. Please advise on situation as soon as possible. Port Code: 18523.
Kiku turned to face the port located east of his room, paper in hand, and went to set it up.
"Commencing facial recognition," it said in a robotic tone. Kiku felt an odd, dark red laser scan over his face, and after a few more processing messages it started displaying an analyzing process. To his surprise, he could see pictures and pictures of his face fly by the monitor. It was over in an instant, however, as the screen quickly flashed to display a welcome message, accompanied with the same robotic voice.
"Good evening, Your Highness," it said in a robotic tone. "Which part of our database would you like to access?"
"Um…" Kiku stammered, scanning over the piece of paper with an extended finger.
"Current scanner, please."
"Current scanner open," it repeated, and the interface flashed to show a blank screen along with the capitalized phrase PORT CODE. Kiku tapped the box next to it, and it pulled up a keyboard of sorts, with numbers implemented on them. He entered one-eight-five-two-three, and with a few loading screens it showed a little CLASSIFIED icon that he selected.
A video showed on the screen, and he pulled up a velvet stool to watch.
The screen cut to a woman's face. Her hair was tied up into a neat brown bun, but her expression was anything but tidy.
"This is Regiment Twenty Eight. General Isabella reporting from Front Line Two of the Easterns conflict!" The background noise drowned out her speech, and he instantly jumped to his feet. The Easterns?
"There has been a serious breach in our left flank – the Eastern troops seemed to have bypassed Front Line One and Regiment Eighty completely! We've been completely overrun – late emergency evacuation has not been able to save more than eight thousand men in the reinforcement line-"
Kiku's papers fell to the floor.
"No report on Regiment Eighty's soldiers nor the general– both are presumed to be dead – latest report from the flank that it has been-"
The woman's voice was cut off by screams and gun shots, and a thud of a dead body made it onto the corner of the camera, his face stained with blood and snow in his hair. Kiku covered his mouth, his stomach recoiling.
"Oh, God, they're here – the evacuation team has not reached this area, if they are careful enough these deaths will be enough to appease them...the papers have gone with them as well. No update on their position, but they were last seen only kilometres away an hour ago…" the woman trailed off, but at that precise moment he could hear the storm of boots and he could see her pupils dilate in fear.
"Do not send additional aid to this regiment – seek out Regiment Eighty and their location-" she continued. She looked like she wanted to say more, but as an angry shout interrupted her and the camera jolted. He could hear her screams in the background as the camera rolled onto the snow, but what he saw on the screen made his throat go dry and his heart come to a stop.
A cluster of bodies, almost all of them still appeared on the feed. Even though the orientation of the camera was sideways, he could still see the agonized expressions of each and every man. One had his arm blown completely off; one had a cigarette within reach if only he would reach out-
-that face in the corner. Kiku ran forward, pressing his face tightly against the port. He pleaded for it to not be true, oh the Fates please it can't be him anyone but him please oh please no-
Heracles' green eyes stared pleadingly into the camera. Kiku could see his chest heave, his mouth part slightly and the small puff of air he let out. His form was so much weaker, so much more tired than the last time he had seen him. He was completely slumped into the snow, and as Kiku watched, his mouth parted in an silent scream, a man's boots slammed onto his head, onto those silky brown locks that he used to brush and laugh into and pull cats' claws from…
A gun made its presence onto the screen, locking onto his left shoulder with a menacing clack.
He felt like the other roars of the gunfire had faded into the background.
All he could see was Heracles' green eyes, glistening with terror. He had looked into these eyes once, full of mystery and love and longing.
He heard the gunshot.
His mouth opened, twisted in agony, as if he was fighting for his last breath - but they seemed strangely defeated, as if he was accepting his fate. Almost like his cute expression before he fell asleep in Kiku's arms.
His eyes lost their colour, slumping sideways as his bloodied chin collapsed into the snow, the colour staining his uniform as he fell forward, like a limp puppet.
A figure, clad in dark red, passed the camera before Kiku could rip his gaze away.
A dark visor obscured their face, and before anything else could happen they turned around, their mouth parted wide as if they were shouting out to others. No doubt they would finish the job. All of a sudden, the person's hands clawed onto his shirt and dragged his body away, limp like a doll.
Screams and more shots and boots passed the recording, with the odd person with the same dark visor passing by.
It wasn't until Kiku felt his mouth throbbing and his shirt soaked that the screams were coming from him.
The screams tore themselves from his throat, as he clutched at the carpet on all fours and sobbed Heracles' name again and again as he felt everything collapse inside him, because nothing would ever be the same again, because he had just watched Heracles die.
Not in his arms, not in some bed in comfort, but in the cold hell of the Easterns, murdered by a brutal killer somewhere and snatched away somewhere where he couldn't reach him.
Kiku clutched at his robe and tried to stop his screaming, but he found that he simply couldn't. This burn, this agony wasn't something he could silence immediately, it was howling and sobbing inside him.
His door flung open, but Kiku paid Sophia no heed as he continued to sob, curling on himself as he felt her run off, probably to fetch some help.
He screamed his throat raw, but even that couldn't do anything. Nothing, no one, could fit this pain, this grief. There was only one person, but he was gone, brutally murdered by a monster that didn't even know about him.
Who didn't even know about his love of cats, his naps, the way he read to him for hours about history and words of long gone philosophers until the two of them fell asleep together, their midnight escapades, how soft his hair and his odd curl was after a good bath, how much a half hour of silence could be conversation enough for them, how warm his hand felt enveloped in his.
"Kiku? Kiku, what's wrong?" he heard Feliciano's cries before he felt the warmth of another person encompass his relatively tiny size. He heard the footsteps of someone else, presumably Ludwig, not a few seconds later.
"Are you in pain?" he asked, but he could barely see out of his tear stained eyes. The only thing he could do was gesture to the port as he howled in Feliciano's arms.
Ludwig picked up the remote and rewound the tape, and he and Feliciano watched as Kiku's screaming went on and on as he heard the sounds. He tried to drown them out with his own voice but it didn't work, and so he couldn't do anything but cry out, breaking off into sobs as the night wore on.
"Kiku, Kiku," Feliciano said sadly, cradling the younger boy in his arms. "What's wrong? Who was he?"
"I…I love him," Kiku gasped, not caring if he was to be murdered on the spot. "And…and I watched him die!"
He and Ludwig exchanged glances as he rocked the distraught boy on the carpet.
"Put off the speech for a little, we have to find out what happened to that regiment." Feliciano said flatly, and to his surprise Ludwig nodded.
"Was…was that why he wasn't interested in romance?" he hissed, careful that Kiku wouldn't hear. "Should we-"
"He just lost someone," he said sternly in reply. "There will not be a punishment, instead, we'll do what we can to bring those poor men home."
Ludwig fell silent for a moment. It was unusual for his husband to take a firm role in their relationship, but he was never good with decoding things emotion wise.
"We'll cease all supply lines and send our troops directly to Front Line Two, then. Look for those in Regiment Eighty and scramble them to safety as well, if there's no report sent anytime soon. We'll have to clear out Supply Line Eight and bring them in there as well."
With a hint of tenderness, he bent down on his knee. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"
"Never mind me," Feliciano said softly, looking at the weeping boy in his arms. "I'll stay with Kiku tonight while you get that order filed, all right?"
"I'll join you two straight afterwards." Ludwig confirmed, brushing some hair off his forehead and pressing a quick kiss to the surface. "Rest well, my Feli. Look after him for us."
He watched his husband go, and went back to rocking the distraught Kiku back and forth in an act of comfort.
"I'm…I'm so sorry," he hiccupped, but Feliciano shook his head fiercely.
"There is nothing to be sorry for. Take as much time as you need, Kiku. You're family now. We'll do all we can," he said softly, as he continued to cry weakly until he fell asleep completely.
"We've just scrambled two fleets of soldiers for extra rescue efforts. Lovino's got that in progress – knowing Antonio he'll run to help, so hopefully we'll be able to save as many soldiers as possible."
"That's wonderful, Lud," Feliciano sighed. He gestured to Kiku, who had cried himself to sleep. A…A little help?"
Ludwig let out a puff in amusement. "Did you skip out on your weightlifting this week?"
In a teasing gesture - and wanting to impress Feliciano, of course - he lifted the two of them in a harsh movement. He quickly let down his husband but gently placed Kiku in a bed, patting his hair as the two of them pulled a blanket over their youngest member of their Suit.
"…would you cry like that? For me?" Feliciano said quietly. "I've never seen Kiku like that, even when he's angry."
"I would betray my own country for you. Even if I would lose my legs and never walk again*." Ludwig said. Even though they both had changed into more comfortable clothes, he had brought along his cloak to make the two of them warmer.
"I'd travel anywhere – if there's a train and good company*," Feliciano said playfully, remembering their wedding vows to each other. "But from the bottom of my heart, I would do anything."
"What did I do to deserve you?" Ludwig laughed, a deep voice that he knew his husband adored. "Never mind you being the son of an artist…you are art itself."
His hand moved onto Feliciano's stomach, and they shared a kiss on the couch.
"I'm worried for him," Feliciano said nervously, placing his hand over Ludwig's. "Do you think we'll get him home to Kiku?"
I don't know, he thought internally as he nodded nonetheless.
How can I tell them, from experience, that he's probably dead?
*blatant references to auf wiedersehen, sweetheart – an infamous work involving the pairing of germany/italy (as depicted here) by the remarkable George deValier.
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