Chapter 50

"Awww, Captain, I screwed up," he said.

"Well, that goes without saying," Cragen said, joining Fin on the bench. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I just…I…I don't know," Fin stammered. "I fell off the wagon." He looked up at Cragen as the sudden realization that Olivia still didn't know what happened clicked. "Oh, God, Captain…you can't tell my wife. Please don't tell my wife."

"Fin, start at the beginning. What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know. We were barely hanging on by a thread. Olivia…she's been so distant lately. One minute she wants me to hold her, and the next she can't stand having me in the same room. I kept trying and trying to make things better, and somehow, they just kept getting worse. She's gotten so protective of Tina too. I wanted to take her to the park a few days ago, and Olivia acted like something horrible was going to happen to Tina because she wasn't there," he said.

"Olivia's going through a lot right now, Fin. You've worked with rape victims before. You know that it can take a while before they're comfortable, and some of them never recover," Cragen said sympathetically.

"I know, I know. But still…I felt like it was all my fault. That there was something *I* was doing that was scaring her, and I hated that. I tried to protect her! But I couldn't. I couldn't protect any of them…" he said. Out of nowhere, dry sobs overtook him, and he was vaguely aware of Cragen's hand patting him lightly on the back.

"You did what you could," Cragen told him.

"No, Captain, you don't understand. Dana Lewis came to talk to us. Olivia's miscarriages weren't accidents. She was injected with some drug by Victoria Black that caused them, all because they were MY children," Fin said, trying to regain his composure. Cragen nodded slowly. He had seen the news coverage, and he had suspected that Olivia may have been a victim, but he didn't know for sure until now.

"Anyway, I wanted us to work through this together, and I thought she did too. She was so clingy that day, and I thought, 'hey, maybe we're on the right track here.' And then, the next day I woke up, and she was sleeping in Tina's room," Fin continued.

"Maybe Tina had a nightmare," Cragen suggested.

"That's what she says, but I don't know. All I know is I went to sleep holding my wife and woke up without her. That night, she asked for a divorce," Fin said.

"When did all of this happen?" Cragen asked.

"Two nights ago. I went to my mother's house yesterday, and she was just so damn giddy about it, making cracks about how Olivia never measured up as a wife and how she was a terrible mother…and I snapped. I went for a walk, and ended up here," Fin finished.

"Well, according to the police report, officers responded to a bar brawl initiated by you," Cragen told him. Suddenly, Fin remembered what had set him off.

"Colin! Where is that little punk? And how did he get outta jail?" Fin said, anger boiling inside him again.

"Calm down. Colin is still in Rikers, where he's been for the past four months. James Heston, the man you assaulted last night, just finished filing a report," Cragen informed him. Fin's jaw dropped. Crap. Now, not only had he gotten completely stinking drunk, but he had assaulted a man for no reason at all.

"Oh, Jesus, Captain," Fin said, cradling his head again.

"Now, I've spoken with Mr. Heston, and I think we can persuade him to drop the charges, but you have to agree to alcohol treatment," he said.

"What about Olivia? You gonna call her?" Fin asked, with his head still buried. Cragen thought for a moment before he spoke.

"I think Olivia has enough on her plate for now. You get your ass back into substance abuse counseling, and we can forget this ever happened. But, if you don't get help…" Cragen said.

"I know. You'll tell my wife everything, and then I'll never get her back," Fin finished for him. "When do we start?"

"Right now, son," Cragen answered. And then he stood and extended his hand, which Fin happily took as the lifeline it was.

XxXxX

Across town, Olivia was in the federal building mentally preparing for a meeting she really didn't want to have. Tina was happily coloring at one of the small coffee tables in the waiting room.

"Olivia?" Dana asked, opening the door to the restricted section of the building. "We're ready for you." Olivia nodded in acknowledgement.

"Tina, come on. It's time to go," Olivia said, gathering up the coloring book and crayons and putting them back in her purse. She took Dana's hand and followed her through a series of corridors to an area that resembled the bullpen in her own precinct.

"Liv, this is my assistant, Trish Matheson. She's offered to keep an eye on Tina while we chat," Dana said. Olivia gripped Tina's hand harder.

"I'd rather keep her with me," she said.

"Liv, you know what we're here to do. Do you really want Tina to see and hear all of that?" Dana asked. Olivia swallowed hard as Dana continued. "Trish is great with kids. She has five younger brothers and sisters, and she's going to make one hell of an agent someday. She'll be perfectly safe."

"Dana…" Olivia warned.

" Trish is going to take her to our children's interview room, and we'll be in the room right next door. I really need to speak with you alone," Dana reiterated, pointing to two doors nearby. Olivia bit her lip. She was familiar enough with the process to know that this wasn't any place for a child.

"Ok, but if she gets fussy at all, come get me," Olivia told Trish firmly. Then she bent down to Tina's level. "Tina, you're going to go with Miss Matheson while Mommy talks to the police. Can you be a good girl?"

"I wanna stay with you!" Tina whined.

"I want to stay with you, too, but you'll have fun. They have a whole room of toys here like we do at Mommy's office," Olivia explained.

"Then you come play with me," Tina said, sticking out her lower lip.

"Hey, Tina, do you like Candyland?" Trish said, bending down to Tina's level herself. Tina nodded warily.

"Well, why don't we go play Candyland while your mom takes care of some grown up stuff?" Trish suggested.

"Mommy come too," Tina said, grabbing Olivia's shirt with one hand and sticking the thumb of her other hand in her mouth.

"Mommy can play with us as soon as she's finished," Trish said. Tina looked up at Olivia questioningly.

"It's ok, Tina. You can go play," Olivia said. Finally getting some compliance from Tina, she took Trish's hand and together the two headed for the children's interview room. Olivia couldn't help but notice the look of sadness edged with fear on Tina's face as she glanced back at Olivia.

"We'll be finished in an hour, tops," Dana told her as she steered Olivia towards the conference room next door.

When Dana opened the door, sitting at the table inside was a man, around Olivia's own age, tall with a well-built figure that his suit framed perfectly, and his hair falling casually into place with little to no effort from products.

The man looked deep in thought as he read over one of the file in front of him, his dark blue eyes narrowed in anger perhaps, but Olivia couldn't be sure. When he heard the door open, he glanced up at them and smiled at Olivia before he stood up and smoothed out the expensive jacket he was wearing.

"It's good to see you again, Olivia," he said. David Haden smiled warmly as he shook her hand. It had been a year or so since he had last seen her, but she was just as beautiful as he remembered her. They had worked a case that had very nearly cost him his job because all she had to do was bat her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and pout her lips, and she got her way. He might have pursued her had she not been married at the time, but as far as he knew, the attraction was strictly one-sided.

"David…it's been a while. How have you been?" Olivia asked. He smiled, and oh, what a gorgeous smile it was.

"You two know each other?" Dana asked.

"We worked a case together when David was with the Manhattan DA's office, which is where I thought he still was," Olivia said, raising an eyebrow at David. He smiled sheepishly.

"I thought my talents could be put to better use here," was the only answer he gave. Olivia took a seat across from David, with Dana pulling out the chair next to her. She noticed he waited until both women were seated before he took his own seat.

"First of all, Olivia, I want to extend my sympathy to you and your family. Based on what I know about your case, you've all been put through the wringer on this one," he said.

"So, I assume that since I'm here, you've decided not to make that ridiculous deal with Colin?" Olivia said, trying her best to stare the attorney down.

"That's correct," Haden said. "Now then, as Dana has already informed you, Colin's attorneys have clogged up the court system with several unnecessary motions, which suggests that he might be stalling for time. Is there anything you're aware of that he could spring on us?" Olivia didn't like where this line of questioning was headed.

"He and his brother abducted my entire family and held us captive for three days," Olivia spat.

"I know, and again, I'm sorry, but I don't want to be surprised in court," Haden said, keeping his voice as calm as possible. He hated doing this. He had read her case file, and he didn't want to be the one to grill her after what she had been through.

"What are you getting at?" Olivia asked, annoyed. Haden leaned back in his chair and regarded her carefully. He knew what Colin's defense was, but he was calculating the risk of divulging that information to the woman in front of him.

"Victims always hold something back, Olivia," he said carefully.

"I haven't held anything back. I've been a sex crimes cop for far too long and been screwed too many times to make that same mistake. I gave Dana my full statement, and you have the contents of my rape kit. That combined with what CSU collected at the scene should make this case a slam dunk," Olivia said.

"The forensic evidence indicates that you engaged in brutal sex with two different men," Haden told her. Olivia shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She didn't want to relive this again.

"They both raped me," she stated again.

"Olivia, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm going to have to be blunt. With everything you've seen in your career, have you ever…fantasized about being taken forcibly?" Haden asked. Olivia's heart pounded, and if there wasn't a table between them at this very moment, she would have smacked Haden hard enough that he would still remember it in the morning.

"WHAT!?" The accusation was just so ridiculous it barely warranted a response. "Never. And do you want to know why? Because I've seen what happens after a real rape, and now I'm living it. And you should know me better than that."

"Then why did we find handcuffs in a drawer with lingerie in your apartment?" Haden asked quietly. Olivia felt her cheeks burn.

"When did you go through my apartment?" she asked.

"Just after you were abducted. CSU swept the entire place looking for evidence of where you were taken," Haden said quietly. Olivia took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm. The details of her sex life were none of their business.

"My husband and I…have always had a good sex life," she stated.

"Does that include one of you tying the other up for the purposes of sexual gratification?" Haden asked. Olivia thought back to the most recent time, where she had allowed Fin to tie her up in exchange for getting the laundry folded.

"What the two of us do, privately, is no one's business but ours," she said quietly.

"As you said, Olivia, you've been doing this a long time, so you know that I wouldn't be asking these questions if there wasn't a very good reason. Trust me, I don't want to pry into your personal life any more than you want to tell me about it," Haden said gently.

"What my husband and I have or have not done in the privacy of our own bedroom has absolutely no bearing on this case, either," Olivia said defensively.

"That's where you're wrong," Haden told her. He calculated the risk of divulging what he knew once more, and made his statement neutrally, simply to gauge her reaction. "Colin claims that you solicited him to help you live out your rape fantasy." Olivia's eyes went wide as she processed his statement. The meager contents of her stomach started churning. She thought about everything the Colin brothers had done to her: the numerous times that they had raped her, the hiss of her skin as the branding iron touching it, the smell of her own burning flesh, the caustic odors of the chemicals they poured on her body. And they had done nearly all of it in front of the eyes of her young daughter. She could almost taste the vomit in the back of her mouth.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said quickly. She noticed both sets of eyes were on her, scrutinizing her, judging her, registering every movement she made. "No, really…I think I'm going to be sick," she said, more to Dana than anyone else. Dana stood and opened the door to the interview room.

"Bathroom's down the hall. Third door on the right," she said. Olivia stood and bolted in the direction Dana indicated.

"Does that answer your question?" she asked Haden before she turned to follow Olivia.

Olivia found the women's restroom and practically threw herself through the door. She found the first open stall and fell to the floor as quickly as possible, just in time for her stomach to void itself of its contents. Dana stood in the doorway of the restroom, listening to Olivia heave. She was normally able to emotionally detach from her cases, but this one tugged at her heartstrings. She didn't say anything just yet, merely stood, listening. Olivia's retching turned to sobbing as reality crashed down on her. Consensual? How could anything that happened during those three days be consensual? Or even a fantasy? And how could they twist the love and trust she shared with Fin into "evidence" against her? This was too much. It was all too much.

"Liv?" Dana asked quietly, after waiting for the sobs to subside.

"I'm ok," Olivia answered. She just wanted to be alone.

"We're almost finished," Dana told her.

"I'm not sure I can do this anymore," Olivia said softly.

"Ok, then I'll just call Colin's attorney and tell him we've decided to drop the kidnapping, seven counts of rape, and attempted murder charges. Is that what you want?" Dana asked. She heard Olivia sigh in the stall.

"No," she admitted.

"Good, because I don't want that animal back out on the streets, and I don't think you do either," Dana said. "But I can't lock him up without your help." Olivia emerged from the stall. She was still pale and shaky, but at least she wasn't hiding anymore.

"Just…give me a minute…" Olivia said, gripping the edge of the sink. She rinsed out her mouth and splashed cold water on her face, and took several deep breaths, gathering up the last shred of dignity and courage in her.

"Ok, let's do this," Olivia said with a renewed sense of determination.

"How are you feeling?" David asked when she re-entered the room with Dana behind her.

"Better," she answered.

"Good. Feel up to continuing?" Haden asked. Olivia nodded and took her seat again.

"So, are ready to explain the handcuffs now?" he asked again. Damn, he didn't waste anytime.

"Like I said, my husband and I have always had a healthy sex life. We've…experimented, but he's the only man I would ever try anything with," she said confidently. "And I thought the days of putting a victim's sex life on trial were over," she added.

"I wish they were," Haden replied. "Unfortunately, juries still need convincing." He paused, scanning the top sheet of paper in the file in front of him. "I think I have all I need for now. We'll be in touch." As she left the room, he couldn't help but notice she had just gotten more attractive since he last saw her, but her eyes had lost some of the warmth they used to hold. She seemed haunted and detached, and whatever doubts he may have had about her statement were erased. He hadn't wanted to drag her personal business out into the open, but while her statement hadn't waivered, Colin's attorney seemed to be doing a pretty good job twisting the facts so that it appeared to be a consensual act.

Olivia quickly collected Tina, and after exchanging the minimum number of pleasantries required to leave politely, she started home. As they reached the waiting room, a familiar figure slouched in one of the chairs, looking exhausted.

"Daddy!" Tina cried, jerking her tiny hand away from Olivia. Fin looked up suddenly at the sound of his daughter's voice.

"Hey, Baby…" he said, slinking out of the chair, low, so that he could hug her properly. She ran into his arms, and he held her close, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Olivia.

"Will you come home and make French toast?" Tina asked. Olivia shook her head slightly. Fin understood immediately that Olivia hadn't yet told Tina about the separation.

"We'll see," Fin told Tina, resulting in a pout. Fin stood up and took a moment to just look at Olivia. He had gone immediately from jail to a meeting this morning, and he was in a place where he was regretting everything he had done during his drinking binge last night. Her face still had that pained look to it, and he knew instantly that she was suffering just as much as he was.

"How are you?" he asked softly.

"I'm…ok," she said, looking everywhere but at him.

"You still haven't told her, have you?" he asked, referring to Tina.

"No," Olivia answered, not volunteering anything more.

"Look, maybe I should stop by later, and we can tell her together…" he suggested.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Olivia said quickly, shutting him down.

"Liv, I just…" he began, but was quickly cut off.

"I know, Fin. I know what you want, but if we tell her together, you're going to have to L-E-A-V-E, and she's going to cry," Olivia said. "It's easier if I just tell her myself, which I will do, soon." Fin wanted to protest, to argue with her, to do anything to get a rise out of her, but he couldn't. He could see she was already hurting, and he didn't want to make her hurt anymore.

"I just want to be a father to my child," he said softly. "Let me at least do that." Once again, Olivia was looking everywhere but at him.

"Come by on Saturday. You can see her then," Olivia said. She didn't want to have this conversation with him. She wasn't sure how to handle this whole separation thing, but somehow, working as a team seemed like the wrong thing to do. They were both going to have to learn to be a parent separately. They were no longer a single, undivided unit. "Come on Tina," Olivia said, scooping Tina into her arms.

"No! Mommy! I wanna stay with Daddy! I wanna stay…" Tina cried, but Fin never heard anything more because Olivia had carried her away. Fin thought there was no pain greater than what he experienced when Liv asked for a divorce, but seeing his daughter ripped away like that was a hundredfold worse.

"Fin?" Dana said, jarring him back to reality. "You ready?"

Fin swallowed hard as he turned from the spot where his girls had just been standing and nodded. "Lead the way."

Dana led Fin to the same room where Olivia had been interviewed and again, David stood up and extended his hand to Fin who took it and gave it a brief shake.

"Detective Tutuola, I'm David Haden," David introduced himself with the same smile he had offered Olivia. "I'm going to be representing you and your family during this case."

Fin eyed him wearily as he sat down in the chair that he pulled out. "I thought you worked for Manhattan."

"I did but then I transferred to Federal a while back," explained David as he took his own seat. "And before we begin, I just want to extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I can't imagine what you've gone through."

"Thanks," muttered Fin.

David offered him another kind smile before he folded his hands and placed them in front of him. David hesitated a long while as he tried to find the right words to use so he wouldn't end up bloodied on the floor. "Detective Tutuola, I'm sure you've been made aware that Colin and his attorney are trying to slow down the process with needless paperwork, correct?"

"Yeah," answered Fin with a shrug. "But I don't care how long it takes to get him behind bars; I just want him locked up and away from me and my family."

"I understand that, Detective, and believe me I feel the same way. But I have to ask you, is there anything you or your wife might be holding back? Anything at all that could leap out as a surprise in the middle of the trial?"

Fin didn't bother to correct him when he called Olivia his wife. Legally, and in his eyes, she was still his wife. He narrowed his brow in confusion. "What the hell could we be holding back that would change the fact they kidnapped my family and me, raped my wife in front of me, tortured her, assaulted me, and murdered my son?"

David glanced over at Dana for a moment before he turned back to Fin. "I'm talking in more… bedroom terms. I do apologize, Detective, but I have to ask. Has your wife ever asked you to pretend to take her by force? "

"Hang the hell on!" shouted Fin as he jabbed an accusatory finger in David's direction. "What goes on in my bedroom is no one but mine and my wife's business! We see this shit day in and day out; neither of us fantasize about holding her down and brutalizing her! What the hell are you playing at?"

"I'm sorry," said David, completely and honestly apologetic. "But, Detective, if neither one of you fantasized about holding her down, then why did CSU find handcuffs and silk scarves in her dresser drawer?"

The blood drained from Fin's face as a horrifying realization dawned on him. "Colin isn't… he isn't gonna try to spin it so it looks like she enjoyed it is he?"

Once again Dana and David's eyes met briefly before they both turned back towards Fin. "Colin and his attorney are saying that Olivia sought him out in order to live out her rape fantasy."

A white hot anger erupted inside Fin. His fingers clenched the table so tight he was sure he left a dent.

That sick, lowly, disgusting bastard was actually saying that Olivia not only wanted everything that had done to her, but had asked for it and liked it…

He saw the fear and pain in her eyes when Joseph raped her for the first time, heard the sobs that escaped her when she thought he was asleep, knew that Olivia would never even dream of living out a rape fantasy and if she had any interests in pretending to live out the brutality they saw day in and day out, she would have done it with Fin and Fin alone.

"Does she know?" he asked through his clenched teeth.

"We've spoken with her about it, yes," David confirmed. Fin pounded a fist against the table. He couldn't imagine how she felt about all of this, but he had a pretty good idea of why she had been so cold to him in the waiting room, and it had very little to do with the separation. Fin stood up in a huff of anger with David and Dana following his lead.

"My wife didn't fucking ask for any of this!" he bellowed. "They raped her! They held her down, forced her legs apart, and raped her without consent! You're gonna believe some sick twisted disgrace over his victims?"

"No one in this room believes Olivia wanted or asked for what happened to her," Dana corrected. "We all know the truth."

"Me included," David chimed in. "I've worked with Detective Benson on cases before. I don't believe she would be involved in something like this, and no one apart from Colin and his attorney are suggesting otherwise. But he says he has several full proof pieces of evidence proving his claim that Olivia contacted him and asked for his help to create a rape kidnapping fantasy."

"That so happened to involve her daughter?" snapped Fin. "Does he really think a jury would be that stupid?"

"Juries have been tricked before," admitted David, "but they won't be this time, I promise." David clapped Fin on the shoulder and looked at him with such a determination, that even as much as Fin didn't like lawyers, even he had to admit David was trustworthy. "We're going to get this guy, Detective. You have my word."

Fin took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Are we done here or…?"

Fin honestly didn't want to be rude but he was nursing one hell of a hangover, was tired and only wanted sleep.

David nodded and once again held out his hand. "I WILL get this guy, Detective ."

Fin went straight home, dismissed his mother with some excuse about working, and headed straight for bed. His head was still pounding, but he had promised Cragen he wouldn't resort to booze again to escape his own worthless reality. He took a couple of aspirin and a couple of sleeping pills, with a large glass of water, and settled into the cool sheets. He missed Olivia. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and feel her warm body next to him, to hold her until all of the hurt melted away. Somehow, he managed to sink into a fitful sleep, and when he woke, the sun was hanging low in the sky. His nose was assaulted by the smell of something amazing coming from the kitchen, a smell that only his mother could concoct. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, taking not that his headache was practically gone and padded into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," his mother greeted him.

"Hey, Mama…what smells so good?" he asked.

"Spaghetti with Mama's homemade sauce, meatballs, and garlic bread," she said as she laid out a plate of Fin's absolute favorite meal. His eyes lit up.

"Oh, Mama!" he exclaimed. For an instant, a smile graced his face, but then, a memory of Tina creating a royal mess out of her "pasghetti" forced its way into his consciousness. It just so happened this exact meal was her favorite, too. He tried not to let his face fall because he knew Tianna had gone to the trouble of making it specifically for him. So, instead, he picked up his fork, stabbed a meatball and took a bit.

"Mmmm," he said, knowing his mother would still chastise him for talking with his mouth full. No matter how old he got, she was still his mother. As he chewed, he realized that the food wasn't as good as he remembered it. What he was really craving was the unique twist Olivia put in her meatballs. The fact was, no matter what anyone said or did, it seemed to remind him of his family. "This is fantastic, Mama," he said politely after he swallowed.

"What's wrong, Odafin?" she asked, joining him.

"Nothing," Fin said quickly. "It's just as good as I remember it."

"Don't lie to me; I've known you since the day you were born. Now, let's try that again. What's wrong?" Tianna asked.

"It's just…this is Tina's favorite, too," he said. Tianna reached across the table and patted his hand affectionately.

"Why don't you call her after dinner?" Tianna suggested. "Surely Olivia won't begrudge you that." Fin sighed.

"It's complicated, Mama," he said. He didn't add any more to the conversation in an effort avoid fighting with his mother again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tianna asked. Fin shook his head.

"Maybe you were right. Maybe we don't belong together. I mean, Olivia…what they put her through…no one can recover from that, and maybe I was a fool to believe she could," he said.

"Odafin," Tianna said cautiously, carefully choosing each word. "You never told me what happened when you were abducted." Fin blinked several times. His mother had no idea what he or the rest of his family had endured. "I don't want to pry, but if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen." Fin felt the walls around him crumble. Only two women had ever had that effect on him – his mother and Olivia.

"They raped her, Mama," he said softly, his voice cracking. Tianna nodded slightly, listening, but she had already figured out that much. "They raped her over and over and over…and they made me watch while they did it." Still, Tianna continued to listen as he struggled for the words to explain the horrors of his memory. "They kept her on one side of the basement, chained on this…filthy mattress, and Tina and I were tied up on the other side of the room. I tried to shield Tina from as much as I could, but there was nothing I could do for Olivia." He paused for a minute before giving a sort of ironic laugh. "The really twisted part of all of this is that you were right. None of this would have happened if I hadn't married Olivia."

"What are you talking about, Odafin?" Tianna asked.

"The entire reason they came after us was because I, a black man, had the audacity to marry a white woman," he said bluntly. "They told Tina and me we were animals, and that's exactly how the treated us, and they raped Olivia to teach her a lesson for betraying her own, pure race." Tianna swallowed hard and held her napkin to her mouth as she processed her son's words.

There are things that you can't understand. Things that he's been through, things that Tina will go through.

There are those that will judge them both on the color of their skin, and that my dear, is something you've never experienced and can never understand.

Only now, Olivia understood. She had been tried, convicted, and punished by a bunch of racists.

"Maybe your right, Mama. Maybe I should just walk away and forget about them," Fin said.

"Do you still love her, Odafin?" Tianna asked softly.

"More than anything," he admitted.

"Then, I think…perhaps, you should go back to your wife," Tianna said softly. Fin's brow furrowed in confusion.

"But…you've always hated Olivia," he said.

"No, Son. Olivia is a wonderful person, but she could never understand what it was like to be treated as a second-class citizen simply based on the color of your skin," Tianna said. Fin's mouth hung open. His mother was a racist. The only reason she hated Olivia was because she was white, and yet, she had raised him to never allow anyone to judge him based on the color of his skin. "If you truly love her, you will go after her.

XxXxX

It was early in the evening, but well passed Tina's bedtime when Fin showed up at the front door and rang the bell. Olivia was curled up on the couch, watching an old sit-com, curled under her favorite fleece blanket. Her hair was piled on her head in a haphazard knot, and she was in her favorite pajamas. She scowled slightly when the doorbell rang, not really wanting to entertain anyone tonight. She pulled open the door, took one look at the enormous bouquet of lilies with Fin's eyes peeking above them,

"I never doubted you for a second," he said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You never have," she said, leaving the door open as she padded back towards the couch.

Fin stood in confusion, not sure whether he should come in or not. But she had left the door open. If she had wanted him to leave, she would have slammed it in his face. He hesitantly put one foot over the threshold, waiting to see if she would bite his head off.

"You can come in," she said, almost mocking him. Almost. God, he felt like a teenager on a first date. Or maybe more appropriately, how he felt the first time he had courted her. He busied himself fumbling for a vase in the kitchen while Olivia settled back in the corner of the couch, pulling her knees to her chest, and arranging the blanket over them.

"So…how are you?" Fin asked, shifting his weight nervously from his heels to the balls of his feet. Olivia smiled slightly.

"You can sit down," she said with a smirk, noticing how anxious he seemed around her. Fin sat on the other end of the couch and tried not to stare at her. Olivia picked at a piece of lint on the blanket.

"I just came to see how you were," he said softly. Olivia chewed her lips for a moment.

"I have bad days, and days that aren't so bad," she said carefully.

"I want you to know that I don't believe you solicited Colin for a second," he said. Olivia smiled briefly.

"I knew you wouldn't," she said softly. She paused for a moment, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to ask her next question or not. "Fin, did you ever fantasize about…me…like that?" Fin was shocked. He had a lot of fantasies, some more risqué than others, but he never wanted to rape her.

"No," he said. "I would never…I don't ever want to even think you aren't enjoying it with me."

"You like to tie me up," Olivia said, still picking at the blanket and staring at her knees.

"Only because I thought you liked it too. You did, didn't you?" His heart pounded as he waited for her response. The thought that he had forced her to do something that she didn't want to do revolted him.

"You're right," she said waving him away. "I did like it, at the time, and I know you would have stopped if I had said anything."

"Liv, there's a difference between goofing around with handcuffs and pretending to rape somebody. After the first time we tried it, you got such an intense high from it that we agreed to do it again," he reminded her. Her eyes darted from corner to corner as she recalled those same memories. "Besides, I know you. You're not into the rough stuff. You like candles, soft music, romance…that's the kind of stuff that drives you wild." She bit her bottom lip as he voiced her desires.

"And you've always liked it rough," she said as her eyes finally met his.

"Not that rough," he said quickly. "Never like that." He paused again. "Liv, David said that Colin supposedly had proof that you solicited him."

"I have no idea what he could be talking about because I didn't even know who he was until he broke in here," she said.

"I just don't want to see our case fall apart," he said.

"Well, anything he could produce would have to be fabricated," Olivia said.

"That's what I thought," Fin said. They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before Fin spoke again. "Well, I should go. I promised Mama I wouldn't be out too late, and well…you know how she is." Olivia nodded and stood up as he did. Instead of heading for the front door, he crossed the room to the windows, where he gave them a few quick jerks and ran his hand over the top.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked. He smiled.

"Just checking," he said sheepishly. Olivia's disapproval was apparent. She couldn't believe that he was checking the locks, as if she would be foolish enough to leave her home completely defenseless. "I'll sleep better tonight knowing that I checked," he added. Her face softened. That, she could relate to. He was almost to the door before he turned back to her.

"Liv…before I go…could I maybe…check in on Tina? Just for a minute?" he asked. Olivia smiled.

"Of course," she answered, turning towards the master bedroom. She opened the door and studied his face as he looked at his sleeping toddler. He was mesmerized, almost as if he was gazing on the face of God himself. He slowly walked towards the bed, careful not to wake her and gently stroked the top of her head.

"She looks so peaceful," he whispered.

"She's doing fine. I don't even think she remembers it anymore," Olivia whispered back. Fin kissed Tina's temple and crossed the room in the same manner he had done in the living room. He carefully inspected each of the windows until he was satisfied they were secure. Together they slipped out of the room quietly, and when they reached Tina's bedroom, he pointed at the door, wordlessly asking the question. Olivia gave a quick nod, and he opened the door and repeated his action on the two windows in her room.

"Where's your gun?" he asked as he pulled the door closed behind him.

"In my nightstand, locked in the safe where it always is," she said. Fin shook his head in disapproval.

"Maybe you should take it out at night. I mean, the lock on that thing takes forever to open. If someone broke in here, I don't want something to happen to you because you're too busy fiddling with that safe," he said. Olivia shook her head slowly.

"Not with Tina in the house. I don't want her to pick it up and kill me or herself because she decides to play with it," Olivia said. Fin nodded slightly. She had a point. Still, he hated that she was armed, but the weapon was difficult to get to. "Besides, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself," she added. Fin smiled.

"I know you can," he said. By that point they had reached the front door. He pulled it open, but he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here with them, love them, and protect them. But he had promised Liv he would leave. He had promised.

"Lock this door when I leave," he said, pointing to the heavy front door. "Deadbolt and chain, not just the knob, understand?" Olivia rolled her eyes, but there was still a smile on her face.

"We'll be fine," she said again.

"Ok," he said, hesitating. He really didn't want to leave. There was still one more thing he had to get off his chest.

"Thank you," he said, turning back to Olivia. "For…everything."

"You're welcome," she answered.

"I still care about you, you know," he reminded her. Olivia smiled again.

"I know. But this doesn't change anything. I still meant what I said the other night," she reminded him.

"I know, but maybe…it's a start," he said. She quickly averted her gaze, closing the door behind him. He waited in the quiet hallway, listening for the telltale click of the deadbolt and the jingle of the chain as she slid it into place. At least, they were safe tonight.