Thanks to all of you who commented on the last chapter and for your opinions on who Callen ought to work with to try to help him. After a lot of going back and forth, I finally decided. Sorry to those of you who might not be happy, but hopefully you'll keep on reading. As always, I really appreciate your support.
xxxxx
Tonight Uncle Callen came over with Kensi and Deeks for dinner. It was fun. He played my video game with me and Deeks made everyone laugh. He is really funny. Maybe that's why Uncle Callen wants to stay with them instead of us? I am still disappointed by that, but I guess there's nothing I can do. I know daddy is his best friend but maybe there is just something wrong that I don't know about. It's not like grownups talk to kids about this kind of stuff even though I bet I could help.
Kamran tucked her journal into its hiding spot and turned out the light.
xxxxx
"That was a nice evening," Michelle said, smiling at Sam who was just entering the living room after doing the dishes which he had insisted upon. "We should do it more often."
Sam nodded as he sat on the sofa next to his wife and put his arm around her. "Yeah, we should," he said, but his eyes appeared distant.
"Sam?" Michelle looked up at him curiously. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he said, shaking his head.
"Come on, you can't fool me," Michelle said.
Sam sighed softly. "Just something G said earlier…"
"Go on," Michelle encouraged.
"He's thinking of seeing Nate to help him with what he's going through."
"But…don't you want him to talk with someone?" Michelle asked, looking confused. "And you like Nate, right?"
Sam shrugged.
"You don't like Nate?" she asked. "Since when?"
"I didn't really say that," Sam said. "Nate…he's fine. It's just…I don't particularly trust him and I'm pretty sure G doesn't either. I think it's a bad idea."
"Oh…I always assumed you all were tight."
"We were."
Michelle didn't say anything, but continued to look at her husband with the look she had that always made him talk. Finally, he gave in and she smiled to herself.
"It was a case we had last year…Nate was undercover. He got in over his head and he nabbed Callen."
"But he was undercover, right?" Michelle asked. "It was all just part of the act?"
Sam shook his head. "No…there was more to it than that…" He thought back to a couple of days after the end of the case. He'd come back to his desk after a workout in the gym and there had been a report on his desk…Callen's report. He'd looked around for his partner and saw that he was sitting with Hetty in her office. He'd then opened the report and started to read.
Sam stared at his partner as Callen returned to his desk and sat down. "What?" Callen asked, noting the way Sam was looking at him. "What's going on?"
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Sam said, shaking his head. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Callen asked, his familiar smirk on his face. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Sam."
"This." Sam picked up the report and held it up in the air. "Nate."
Callen got up from his desk and walked over to Sam then grabbed the report out of his hand, his eyes dark with anger. "Where did you get this? It's none of your business, Sam."
"It was on my desk, G. I assumed you left it there for me to read."
"Well, I didn't," Callen snapped. His eyes went to Hetty's office, but the diminutive woman was no longer there. "Hetty."
"Sounds about right," Sam said with a nod. "I guess she thought I needed to read it for some reason."
"Fine. You read it." Callen made a move to go back to his own desk but Sam quickly grabbed his arm.
"I think we should talk about it," Sam said, taking care to keep his voice quiet.
"I don't need to talk about it, Sam," Callen had said, pulling away from his partner and returning to his desk.
Sam had let Callen go and dropped the subject, deciding to bide his time. The two men had carpooled in together that day. He knew he'd have another chance to try again on their way home.
"So…" Sam began right after he'd pulled the Challenger away from OSP.
"It's been a long day, Sam," Callen said, turning his head to stare out the passenger window.
"He waterboarded you, G?" Sam asked, unwilling to let it go this time.
Callen sighed. "No big deal."
Angry, Sam had pulled into the parking lot of a local discount store. "No big deal? Really G? You look me in the eyes and say that again."
Callen looked at his partner for a brief few moments but then dropped his gaze. "I'm fine, Sam…I got through it. Don't worry about it."
"Don't you get it, G? I do worry about it," Sam said, staring at his partner intently. "I worry about you."
"I know you do…but trust me, I'm okay."
"Fine…but just remember that I'm here for you if you ever do want to talk about it."
"I will, Sam… Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Sam had let it go, but had managed to get bits and pieces out of Callen over time, the confidential things Nate had thoughtlessly said… things he had no right mentioning. Sam knew there was no way in hell that didn't bother his partner a lot more than he was saying.
"So why didn't you tell me about this before?" Michelle asked, bringing Sam back into the present.
"I don't know…G was so closed off about it. By the time he had really opened up, I guess I didn't see the point in bringing it up."
"So you really don't think Nate would be good for him?"
Sam shook his head. "No…of course it's his choice, not mine, but I don't think he'd be very good for him at all."
xxxxx
"Where's the JDX, Callen?" Nate's voice was syrupy sweet as he spoke. "Tell me or I'll have my man kill one of your team. Who will it be? Sam? Kensi? Deeks?"
"I said I'd tell you, Nate," Callen said, a note of desperation in his voice. "Don't hurt any of them."
"Sorry, but you were just a little bit too late. Maybe you'll be quicker next time," Nate said gleefully. "Kill the woman."
Callen watched the screen in horror as Kensi was shot point blank in the head and Deeks went to pieces.
Nate shook his head sadly. "Kill her boyfriend too. He's not going to want to live without her."
"What the hell are you doing, Nate?" Callen shouted as Deeks was killed the same way as Kensi. "What the hell have you done?"
xxxxx
Callen awoke, deeply shaken, trying to convince himself it had all been just a bad dream, but not entirely sure that was true, until a knock sounded on the door and Deeks entered his room.
"Callen? Are you alright?" Deeks' blue eyes were filled with concern as he sat on the edge of the bed. He hadn't been sure he ought to come into the room, but Callen's persistent screams had more than convinced him it was the right thing to do. "That must have been a hell of a nightmare."
"Is…is Kensi okay?" Callen asked, his voice shaky.
"Kensi? She's fine," Deeks assured the other man.
"Okay…good," Callen said softly as he nodded, his eyes looking lost.
"You want to talk about it?" Deeks asked.
"No…not really."
"Maybe it would help."
"I'm beginning to think nothing's ever going to help," Callen whispered.
"Don't think that way." Deeks placed his hand on Callen's shoulder and patted it encouragingly. "You'll get through this, Callen. I know you can do it."
"Well, I'm glad you know it, Deeks," Callen said. "Because I certainly don't…"
"Have you thought any more about talking to someone?" Deeks asked.
Callen didn't say anything.
"Because I really think that Nate…"
"Can we not talk about it right now?" Callen asked, looking at Deeks pleadingly. "Actually, I think I'd like to try to get back to sleep if I can." It was the truth. All the broken sleep he'd been getting was making him extremely tired.
Deeks nodded as he got up from the bed. "Sure, Callen, whatever you want. Do you want something to drink? Some tea maybe or some water?
Callen pointed at the mostly full bottle of water on the nightstand. "I've got water, Deeks, but thanks…really. I'm sorry that I woke you and Kens."
"No problem… Get some sleep."
"Thanks…you too."
After Deeks left the room, Callen's thoughts went back to the nightmare. He knew it was only a dream, but it did make him wonder about what exactly his subconscious was telling him. He knew that sometimes there were risks associated with their job and sometimes he had been hurt, even at Sam's hand. Most notably, had been the case on the fifth anniversary of their partnership. Sam had been forced to punch him around a bit. After it was over, Sam had joked that he had pulled his punches and the two had returned to the office where they had stolen a bit of Hetty's scotch to toast to their partnership after she had left for the night. Following that, Sam had suggested dinner and the two had gone out for steaks which Sam had insisted on paying for. As the night had gone on, Callen had felt increasing soreness around his ribs and he knew he would have an impressive-appearing bruise to show for it.
"G…you alright?" Sam's worried eyes had been closely watching his partner throughout the meal.
"I'm good, Sam."
Sam shook his head. "You'd tell me if you're hurt, right?"
Callen nodded. "Of course I would."
They finished their meal and headed back out to the car for Sam to drive Callen home. Only he didn't drive him home.
"Sam…what are you doing?" Callen asked, when it became obvious that Sam wasn't headed in the direction of his house.
"I'm going home."
"What about my home?" Callen asked.
"Relax, G," Sam said. "Your house will still be there tomorrow."
Callen shook his head . "I told you I was fine."
"I know what you told me."
"So what are you doing?"
"I got cupcakes."
"What?"
"Cupcakes, G. From Amanda's Bakery. To celebrate."
Callen gave his partner a skeptical look. "You're joking."
"Nope. I got cupcakes. I had Michelle pick them up for me earlier today."
"Well…you can bring them to work tomorrow, can't you?"
"They'll be fresher tonight. You're going to like them. I promise."
Realizing Sam wasn't going to back down, Callen settled down and relaxed for the remainder of the ride. It was late when they arrived at the Hanna home and Michelle and Kamran were already in bed for the night.
"Have a seat, G," Sam said when they entered the living room. "I'll get the cupcakes." Sam left the living room and returned a few minutes later with an ice pack and sat next to Callen on the sofa. "Let me take a look at you."
Callen rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sam. Really? You made up a lie about cupcakes?"
"I wasn't lying. I just want to take a look at you first."
Callen gnawed on his lower lip and crossed his arms over his chest defensively.
"Please?"
Finally, Callen relented and Sam gently raised his partner's shirt, cringing when he saw the multi-colored discoloration over Callen's abdominal area. "Damn, G… I am so sorry."
"I'm fine, Sam," Callen protested. "I'm sure it looks worse than it is."
Sam handed him the ice pack. "Here…"
"Thanks…" Callen took the ice pack from his partner, wincing as he gently placed it over the painful, bruised area.
"Are you sure you don't need a doctor? I guess I hit you harder than I realized."
"It's bruised, Sam. I've had broken ribs before. This isn't that. Trust me."
"Okay…I'll get the cupcakes," Sam said.
"You'd better not come back with Hetty and a medical bag," Callen called out as Sam retreated to the kitchen for a second time. This time, his partner really did return with a bakery box which he passed to Callen.
Callen opened the box and looked inside. There were 11 cupcakes of varying kinds. "One of them is missing," Callen said with a grin as he looked at his partner.
"Oh, I guess Kamran got into them," Sam said. "You've still got plenty of choices there, G."
Callen looked them over and finally chose an Oreo Surprise cupcake. Sam took a Chocolate Mint Madness. "Mmm… these are very good, Sam," Callen said, after he had eaten a mouthful of the decadent dessert. "So, total honesty, you were planning on bringing these to work tomorrow, weren't you?"
Sam took another bite of his cupcake and ate it slowly before he looked back at Callen and grinned. "Yeah, you got me." His expression then turned serious. "But I couldn't help being worried about you, so sue me."
Callen smirked. "Cupcakes, Belgian beer and a steak dinner…You certainly know how to celebrate a five year partnership," he said.
"It's been a great five years, G," Sam said.
"Yes, Sam…Yes it has."
Looking back on that day and Sam's reaction to hurting him and comparing it with what Nate had done, Callen realized there was really no comparison to be made. It seemed that Nate hadn't given a crap about what he had done to him. He hadn't expressed any concern or remorse following the incident. It was at that moment that Callen realized there was no way that he could work with Nate. He wasn't really sure who he could work with, but Nate just wasn't the right person. He'd lost whatever trust he used to have in the man and wasn't sure he would ever get it back.
xxxxx
I'm really sorry to any of you who might be disappointed by this choice. Some of you had great reasons for why Nate should be the one, but in the end, I ended up going back to my first reaction when I saw "Head of the Snake" and I was really disappointed by Nate's lack of compassion towards Callen. I think he deserved better.
