A/N: It's 2014. I last updated in 2012. Holy shizballs. All I can say is that 2013 was utterly lovely to me and I reveled in it with open arms, neglecting my fic in the process. I'm sorry if it means I lost readers and I'm doubly sorry for not posting anything during that time, but I'm not sorry for enjoying life.

Thanks to Pottermore, a lot more information regarding the HP world and storyline has been revealed. However, I'm not going to incorporate it if I already wrote something about it in this story. Example: Remus' parents names are Hope and Lyell, but I call them John and Rhonda because I named them years before I knew their real monikers. If it hasn't happened yet in my story then I will do my best to acknowledge what JKR has told us.

Also, I may be in the dark about new information, consequently, because I hardly use Pottermore; what I know I've learned through other websites where there are HP fanatics, mainly Tumblr.

Now, the story continues.

Who's To Say?
Chapter 48

Dorcas' words hit Lily unexpectedly and robbed her of her own words. She had no idea how to reply and felt inadequate— blindsided— as she stared pitifully at her friend, thinking of the proper thought to voice.

"I… I-I don't— everything happened last year! E-Everything seemed to change during sixth year and it happened so quickly—" she commenced.

"Well what changed, Lily? Because at the end of fifth year you still appeared to want nothing to do with him!"

"You were there, Dorcas, you know! Our year spent much more time together, he showed more maturity, consideration— w-we got on for once, became friends, started using first names… we got over the past. You were there!" Lily explained, her brow furrowed. She was so confused by her friend's actions.

"Yes, but I don't see how a friendship leads to a relationship after one summer! Are you using him or something?" Dorcas vocalized, a scowl on her face.

"No! Never!"

"Then—"

"At the end of sixth year, something happened between us!," Lily replied, realizing, with dread, she had never told her, "And I didn't tell you— I'm sorry! B-But on the last day of term he got back to the tower late, I was in the common room and somehow we started rowing, then… we kissed. We snogged. And I was in such shock I totally avoided him the next day—"

"You said you were ill the last day of term, and you didn't sit with us on the ride home," the Chaser recalled, remembering her reclusive behavior.

"Yes. It was all because of that, because of my denial of my feelings for James. I spent all summer trying to come to terms with what happened and how I felt about him. How I felt started to change in January I reckon but I wasn't aware of it. It wasn't until we came back here for seventh year that I couldn't ignore it any longer."

"And who knew? Did you tell Alice and Mary and Marlene?"

"I… yes. They knew," the Head Girl admitted, shame and regret running through her.

"So I reckon I didn't matter, then." Dorcas surmised, laughing once, although it contained no amusement whatsoever.

"Dorcas, that wasn't it, believe me! I only told Mary recently! I just— argh! I just got caught up in my emotions and working it all out! I didn't intentionally mean to leave you out!"

"Well it's hard to believe you, Lily, when you say this happened months ago but this is the first time I'm hearing anything about it from anyone! And it's even harder to believe when it sounds like you're unsure of how you feel about James!"

Lily had not registered that tears had formed in her eyes, but when her roommate said this, a firm look crossed over her face and she wiped them away.

"I am sure. I may have been confused initially but that's because deep down I knew it was there, and I was scared. But I'm not scared anymore and I want to be with him," the red head attested.

"You fancy him for five years— since second year!— then you can tell me how sure you are that you care about him!" Dorcas yelled, standing now. Her face had blotched with red and she pointed accusingly at the other witch as tears fell down her cheeks.

Lily's mind and thoughts seemed to freeze in time. She stared at her friend, mouth partially agape, with absolutely nothing to offer. It was quiet as they peered at each other, the half blood glowering at the Muggleborn while the evidence of her turmoil was apparent on her face. Was Lily supposed to reply? She left like she had when Snape called her that degrading word, when he had taken off a mask. Now Dorcas had removed a mask.

"Do you know how I felt when you came in here last night and suddenly told us you going out with James? I felt like someone had snatched my heart from my chest. Once I heard what you had to say and knew it was the truth, it was like someone had taken my heart," Dorcas revealed, gaze becoming more wretched, "And it's so difficult for me because it… it doesn't make sense! You two decided on a truce last year— fine. You grew up and made peace— whatever. But how do you, the girl with established hostility towards him, go from a place of neutrality to romance in a matter of months?" Lily had no response, no answer. Her shock blossomed substantially with every word from Dorcas.

"See, even you don't know because it's that outrageous!," the Chaser continued, emotion only building as she gestured with her hands, "Godric! For years I heard you put down James Potter! Nothing good about him ever came out of your mouth! He was selfish this, he was a bully that, he was the most repulsive person you'd ever met! And when you hung out with Snape it was twice as bad! Five years of our time here at Hogwarts, Lily— that's how long you hated him! How do you erase that?"

"I never hated him!" Lily shouted at last, the tears present once more yet accompanied by insolence.

"Fine. He sickened you, and I quote. Is that all that much better? And in the meanwhile I was the one by his side, caring about him and knowing he was a good person; it didn't take me until sixth year to see that. I was with him time after time you crushed his spirit! When he was crazy over you but you didn't think he was worth a Sickle, I was next to him! You didn't give a hot damn about James for most of your time knowing him and I'm supposed to now accept that you're madly head over heels for him? No!"

The Head Girl remained quiet as her tears became more pronounced and steady. She was not alone, however.

"No! I can't and won't accept it!," Dorcas ranted, water visible in her own eyes, "And do you know why? Because frankly, I can't see that it's real. I know what it's like to truly fancy James, to worry about, care for, admire and want him! And how you acted up until sixth year, that was not it! So I don't know what this is."

She then moved away to a dresser, wiping furiously at her face. The atmosphere was heavy as she grabbed bedtime preparations from a drawer and Lily remained in her spot, shaken and reeling.

"Why didn't you ever tell us? Him?" she asked weakly. Dorcas scoffed as she slammed the drawer and explained:

"It's really none of your business but I'd planned to do it this year. I'd never even considered you and James as a possibility with how you routinely treated him, and I assumed somewhere along the line he only did it out of game and habit. But what makes this situation so unfair is that you're the one who got him. I can't figure how the one who thought he was worthless, the one who deserves him least, came out the winner."

She swept by Lily without so much as a glance and vanished into the bathroom, locking the door once it was closed.

The red head remained motionless for a couple of long moments, completely reeling from what her friend of six years had just said to her. A remote part of her brain realized that she was supposed to go back downstairs and then to the Head Room with James but the mere thought was unacceptable. There was no possible way Lily could go pretend she was happy, as she had been before speaking to Dorcas, because the reality was she felt miserable. She trudged over to her bed and sat down heavily, staring at the carpet as she processed the contentious conversation that had just happened. What on Earth was going to be the outcome of it? It took a handful of minutes before Lily succumbed to an activity that she did not particularly enjoy, especially when it occurred in front of other people. She curled up against her pillows and wept quietly into their fabric, not even bothering to close the hangings around her.

The seventh years noticed Autumn spring gaily into the common room not very long after her owner had gone upstairs to speak with Dorcas, and she demanded their attention for a quarter of an hour before moving on to other wonders of the vicinity. However, as 11PM approached and neither witch had emerged from the girls' dormitory, talk of their absence began among their friends.

"It's been over an hour." Frank noted, checking his watch.

"What'd Dorcas want? A thorough history of Hogwarts?" Sirius pondered.

"Maybe it's girl problems," offered Peter. Sirius made a face.

"I'll go check on them." Alice volunteered, getting up.

"Yeah, will you?" James posited. She nodded.

"I'll go as well. I need something anyway." Marlene commented.

"It's past curfew, Prongs. May as well stay in Gryffindor Tower now." Remus observed as the girls left, sleeves rolled up as he wrote.

"Curfew doesn't apply to Heads." James affirmed. The boys all laughed.

"Ah, of course it doesn't."

"You should go visit McGonagall at 3AM and test your theory," smirked Mary.

"Challenge accepted." Sirius grinned.

"Sirius, you're not Head Boy." Peter reminded while the actual Head Boy laughed.

"I know that, genius, but it's still a great challenge!"

What Alice and Marlene discovered upon entering their room was a very silent scene and no one in plain sight. They soon figured out that Dorcas was in the bathroom and, Lily, confined to her four poster, with the hangings drawn. When the purebloods attempted to speak to the red head, they were told, "I'm tired… I'm staying in for the night" in a meek voice that cracked once. This response did not sit right with them so they tried again but did not get an answer; as an alternative, they waited until Dorcas emerged from the restroom.

"Is Lily okay?" Marlene asked, watching the petite witch.

"Yes, she sounded… off." Alice supplemented. The Chaser shrugged, looking for her comb for her wet hair.

"Ask her," she instructed.

"She just said she's tired." Marlene relayed.

"Did your talk go well? What was it about?" inquired Alice.

"It was fine. If she said she's tired then so be it. I'm actually going to bed myself; I feel kind of drained," Dorcas told them, "Are you two coming up?"

"Not sure. Everyone's still downstairs. James wanted to see what was taking Lily." The Meadowes girl rolled her eyes then said:

"Sleep, apparently."

Lily woke the next day feeling as dismal as she had the previous night. The first thought in her head was of Dorcas and what she had revealed, how guilty and inadequate it made her feel.

"Doing okay?" Marlene wondered as the girls all buzzed around the dormitory, getting ready.

"I'm fine," the Head Girl claimed, flashing a small smile that she prayed was convincing. She had noticed that Dorcas seemed unaffected although had not acknowledged her.

"Good. You confused us last night!"

"I just got suddenly sleepy! Go figure."

Mary and Dorcas were the first ones to head down to breakfast, chatting normally, and when Lily stepped into the common room she saw James and Frank. Her boyfriend immediately ran over to her.

"Where are the others?" she asked, showing another quick smile for practice.

"Moony and Wormy already went to the Great Hall. Just waiting for Sirius," he answered, looking her over, "What happened to you? You didn't come back down last night." His tone sounded a bit sad and this pulled at her heart strings. She was sorry she had kept him waiting but she could not tell him the truth. Not now. And the prospect of lying to James, this early in their relationship, killed her.

"I know, James. I'm sorry! I just, I spoke to Dorcas then suddenly felt really tired and… and all I wanted was to sleep. I should've let you know, I know. I apologize." Lily stated, wrapping her arms around him and closing her eyes.

"I understand. You had a long day, I reckon. I was just really excited about snogging you, to confirm that we're actually dating."

She chuckled, reveling in the cozy vibration his chest made while he spoke and how comfortable she felt in his embrace.

"Perhaps we can make up for it today." Lily suggested, not letting go.

"After Quidditch practice, when my adrenaline's pumping and I'll still be looking to conquer something… sounds like a plan!" he commented.

"Trollish prat!"

The comfort Lily experienced while gathered in James' arms did not last throughout the day, although she wished it would have. She had to endure classes where she and James continued to receive unrelenting attention while being aware of the fact that Dorcas was blatantly overlooking her. How long would this last? When would their roommates to take notice? Would Dorcas even tell the other witches? What did this mean for their friendship? Was it ruined? The idea haunted Lily, along with the knowledge that Dorcas had been harboring an intense attraction to James for years. It truly did make the Head Girl wonder if she had any business going out with him, allowing the doubts to sink back in. It was hard to concentrate during lectures thinking about what had occurred the preceding night, and one other person was going through the exact predicament: Snape.

Severus was a wreck. He had been since news of the two Heads dating had exploded through the hallways yesterday at a speed reserved only for gossip. Numerous Slytherins had been discussing it and when the information reached his ears he originally refused to believe it. It was nothing short of preposterous. Lily Evans would never be the girlfriend of James Potter. End of story. So Snape had eavesdropped on other Houses' conversations and watched the two Gryffindors to confirm his belief, but what he heard and saw only supported the rumor and made him more obsessed. He had awoken this day with a gnawing consumption to know directly for himself what was going on, which meant speaking to a seventh year Gryffindor. Cornering Pettigrew would have been the easiest option but Severus was desperate and had lost quite a bit of rationality; he was going to break a cardinal rule and seek out Lily.

It was after the lesson following lunch had ended. Their next class was double DADA and Snape knew it would be nearly impossible intercepting Lily on her own as she made her way to the classroom. It took a significant amount of hexes, small worked out diversions, and short lived Confounding Charms to accomplish his goal, but he managed to get her alone for a short time frame.

"Lily," he stated, halting right next to her in the corridor and raising a hand.

The red head turned at the sound of his voice, but when she recognized that it was him, an insulted look crossed her features and she did not bother to reply or stop. In fact, she sped up. He immediately followed.

"Lily, I have to talk to you." Snape alerted, gazing at her.

"No," she bit out, clutching her bag.

"It's urgent!"

"I'm so sure."

"It is! I need some of your time. Slow down and talk to me," he implored, quickly checking to see if her friends were near at hand.

"Go away!" Lily commanded furiously.

"No, I won't. I'll follow you after every lesson and meal until you speak to me. I'll wait outside the prefects' lounge and your tower. Every day. I'll do i and you know I will," the boy remarked, staring, "Just give me a few minutes. Please." She stared back, although wrathfully. The night he had called her a Mudblood and then camped outside the portrait hole played in her head. The same ultimatum.

"Like me or my friends would allow it!" Lily spat.

"I'll endure whatever they, or you, throw at me until you speak to me." Severus vowed.

"Fine! Five minutes," she snapped.

She marched away to a much less occupied part of the castle and he hastily followed, cursing his stubbornness. When they arrived at a spot, she turned and continued to glare at him, mentally starting the countdown for five minutes. He gazed back, abruptly robbed of words at the sight of her beauty, even amidst anger; he had to quell an absurd desire to kiss her.

"What?" the witch demanded when he remained silent. This pulled him back into reality.

"I… it's about you." Snape relayed.

"What is about me?"

"Why I want to talk to you."

"Snape—" Lily commenced, scoffing from irritation.

"Are you going out with Potter?!" the Slytherin posited boisterously, cutting her off.

She looked at him, astounded. The resentment was temporarily gone from her countenance. The use of his surname had caused the inelegant outburst, a brief re-experience of anguish over their lost relationship.

"Are you? Is it true? Kids all over are mentioning it, even some in my House! Is it true?" he continued.

"Why should I tell you?" she answered, regaining some of the cool detachment as she repositioned her bag.

"Because you know Hogwarts students are as reliable as a squib's magical abilities!"

"Why do you care?"

"How couldn't I? The bit of gossip is that you're dating James Potter! The person I hate, the person you once did!" Snape insisted.

"I never did!," the Head Girl exploded, sick of people saying this, "He was selfish, he was a twit, and he was infuriating, but I did not hate him! That word is strong and causes people to do unforgivable things! I couldn't hate anyone, simply because I know what it's like from being Muggleborn. Ask your friends for more clarification if you need help understanding!"

She made to leave, worked up again, but he stopped her by grabbing a handful of her robes. An outraged, fierce look passed over her face but Snape was not going to be deterred.

"You didn't answer my question," he said through clenched teeth.

"Yes, because you need to know every, single detail of James' life, don't you?," Lily bit out, wrenching her attire from his grip, "Well, since you want to know so badly, yes: I am going out with him! It is true! We're together! Now, since I did my part, I'm going!"

Severus could not describe how her words made him feel so rapidly and horribly empty. How he had never quite felt a pain like this and how it was now surging through his body, making him feel decayed. It was pure agony. He was sure the intensity of it would last forever.

"You're unbelievable…" he said quietly, arms limply at his side while he stared at her departure. It took Lily moments to turn back around and face him but when she did she appeared hostile. Had he not been so devastated, he would have recoiled.

"Excuse me?" she uttered.

"You're unbelievable. For years you couldn't bear the sight of him, said he was abominable… and now this? This…" the Slytherin rambled in the same detached voice.

"He changed. Humans tend to do that. You yourself did not too long ago."

More pain slammed into Snape, fresh and unbearable. He was reminded of everything he had lost with Lily, all of the things he had been missing with her since the rift, everything he would never have. And everything Potter had gained. A surge of powerful anger immediately consumed him, only strengthened by helpless grief.

"You're a filthy hypocrite," he asserted, face hardening as the emotion took over.

The Head Girl's strong slap to his face surprised them both.

Snape held his left cheek with one hand, gawking at the witch while his flesh prickled sharply from the blow. She had hit him.

"Don't you, of all people, dare to call me a hypocrite ever again! Not you!" Lily ordered, eyes gleaming with water as she pointed threateningly at him.

Severus could feel tears tickling his own eyes but he would have rather died than let them show. This was it— it was over. He could do nothing. The only love of his life belonged to his fiercest enemy. It was damning.

"You know Lily, I was wrong about you," he began, letting his hand fall while glaring at her, "I thought you were your own, I thought you were above and beyond any other girl our age! You made yourself out to be smart and strong minded but it was all rubbish; you're replaceable, just like anybody else! You're easily influenced and fooled, like every other silly witch! It's so pitiful to see that you're content with being just another one of Potter's brainless tramps! See how long it lasts."

Snape swept away from her rapidly with his contemptuous words and piercing glare festering in the air. His malicious departure left Lily completely taken aback and unaware that tears had fallen. His jagged sense of jealous fury, on the other hand, was the only that kept him from falling apart into pieces in that very corridor.

Defense was tortuous for Lily. With the contentious episode with Snape so very ripe, it was almost impossible to concentrate in class. And it was even worse because the seventh years were practicing Patroni that day as it was Tuesday. Lily could not focus for the life of her, and when she did manage to do so, selecting and believing in a happy memory was a task she could not accomplish. How could she revel in joy when she felt so torn down? Not only from Dorcas but from Snape as well! The conversation with him had only made her feel worse… she was upset his words had had an effect on her yet they had been strong. The red head suffered through the double period without much detection since the students were wholly engulfed in practicing their individual charms; consequently, Severus would send her aching looks whenever he knew they would be missed.

The onslaught of thoughts and emotions was still coming by dinner time and contributed to Lily's overall silence and it still had not truly been noticed yet by her Housemates. Everyone was talkative and joking as she sat closely next to James and Dorcas had even joined the group; however, she did not speak to or glance at the Head Girl at all. After the meal, James prepared for the first Quidditch practice at seven o'clock and was obviously excited. He left his girlfriend for the pitch at 6:45PM with a kiss on the cheek, taking with him solace only he could provide. Lily did her best to remain with the others and maintain appearances, but after almost an hour she failed and announced she was going to the Head Room to utilize its books. Remus told her to bring any back that were of interest and she assured him she would, but she was actually going to succumb to the emotions she had been feeling since the prior night.

When James returned to Gryffindor Tower with his team later that night, happy with how practice had gone, it was only to find out that his best friends and girlfriend were all missing. His contentment deflated a bit.

"Hey, where are you?" the captain asked the two way mirror as he sat on the edge of his bed.

"In Scotland." Sirius replied, grinning as only he could and gazing back from the other side.

"Pissant."

"Prongs! We're in the Room!" Peter proclaimed, his smiling face coming suddenly into view.

"Damn it, Pettigrew!" cursed Sirius, out of view.

"How long have you been there?" James wondered.

"A bit over ten minutes or something." Remus supplied, face replacing Peter's.

"Got tired of waiting for your arse," Sirius noted, taking back the mirror, "But now that you're back, get here."

"Yeah, just have to see Lily first," the Chaser stated.

"Last we saw her she went to the Head Room." Peter attested.

"Right. See you lads soon, then."

After a quick shower, James went directly to his new commons area and found Lily perched on one of the sofas, legs drawn up so that her forehead rested on her knees and her arms locked around her legs.

"Hiya," he said, walking slowly to where she was. Her head snapped up rapidly and she peered at him with wide eyes, undoubtedly surprised.

"Hi! I didn't hear you come in," she responded, letting her legs free, "What time is it?"

"Nine."

"Oh… how was practice?"

"Great. Everyone's motivated, ready for the year." James reported, sitting down.

"That's good." Lily commented, looking at the carpet momentarily.

"Is this a make up of last night?"

She did not answer right away, and when she did it was as if she had processed the question halfheartedly and late.

"Huh? Oh, I just came to see some of the books."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Find anything?" the captain inquired. She gave a meager shake of the head.

"Lily," he prompted after it had been quiet for a period.

"Yes."

"What's wrong?"

Lily looked at him quickly, oriented for the first time since his arrival. He was staring at her.

"What?" she uttered.

"Something's bothering you, I reckon. You've seem distracted for the past few hours, since lessons." James explained. He had noticed? He had noticed but not said anything! Not in front of everyone….

"And then I came in here to see you sitting like that. Are you all right?" he pondered.

"I'm, it's… it's nothing, really! I'm fine," the Head Girl fibbed, trying to look pleasant.

How could she tell him what Dorcas and Snape had shouted at her? How they condemned their relationship, made her start to wonder if she had a right to be with him? How they both had hurt?

"You're not fine, I know it. I know you well enough," James negated, moving nearer and taking both of her hands in his, "Lily, it's only our second day together and already you're keeping something from me. I don't want to start off that way. I want you to tell me what's wrong, tell me if there's a problem. I'm meant to be here for you so you're not alone."

He sounded so earnest and concerned, and Lily knew that he was serious about serving as her support system. He did not want her to be burdened and she knew she could not deny him as she gazed back. And so the red head poured forth her interactions with Dorcas and Snape, although she concealed her dorm mate's identity and simply referred to her as a witch they knew.

"And you won't tell me who the witch is?" asked James, examining her face as she stared down at the couch cushions. His own face was steely and his hazel eyes had darkened. He was beside himself internally.

"No," Lily answered, peering up at him with realization, "James, no! I don't want you to do anything, say anything!"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to get yourself in trouble or risk your badge!"

"Damn this badge, Lily! They had no right to say a word to you! They made you cry! Snivellus called you a tramp!" the captain shouted, smacking the sofa seat. It was clear he was furious.

"I know, but it's done James— it's done! Yes, it hurt and upset me, but I don't want you to put yourself on the line over this! Just… just promise me you won't do anything— please. Don't act on it," she explained, her eyes pleading with him. He grumbled, exhaling, and took some time to respond.

"It's practically impossible for me to stand by when someone hurts you," he commenced in a low, unhappy voice, "But, I promise you I won't get myself in trouble over this."

"Thank you."

It was quiet for a couple moments while James' expression softened and he grabbed her hand.

"And what you said about them making you feel as though you're undeserving, as if you don't have a right to be with me— don't ever think or entertain that again. As far as I'm concerned there's no one else right for me; that's why I waited so long, Evans," he revealed. Lily looked at him as a loving smile blossomed on her lips and soon after she leaned forward and initiated a kiss, fueled by a burst of affection for the boy.

The kiss was long, slow, and lingered, the first of its kind for the pair. Afterward, James laid his body out on the sofa and Lily curled up next to him on his left side, wrapping him in an embrace while his left arm held her securely. The couple talked more in depth about Quidditch practice and how she felt about the hostile confrontations she had endured. He remarked that he was going to appoint Peter as her bodyguard and this sent the Head Girl into a peal of laughter, which delighted him because he loved to hear her laugh. Neither teenager knew when it happened but both had fallen asleep by 10:30PM, still clinging to each other. (James did not even feel the buzzing in his pocket that indicated Sirius was trying to contact him through the mirror). The Head Boy awoke at a quarter past midnight when he had the urge to use the bathroom, and was initially surprised to find himself in the Head Room with a slumbering Lily at his side. James checked the time and then roused her from her sleep, letting her know they had to get back to their tower.

Lily collected her belongings while James used his bathroom and when he came out they left the room. She reasoned that the Hufflepuff seventh years' rounds had ended only 20 minutes prior, so they should not receive too much hassle for being out if they were caught by Filch. James agreed but personally did not care about the time, it being past curfew, or Filch; he had stopped being concerned about these issues during second year. They made it to the Fat Lady quickly, who had a heckling visitor from another portrait whom wanted to know about their night. They said good night to one another at the girls' staircase.

"Remember, don't let what anyone says about us get to you. They're all jealous berks," the captain alerted, grabbing her hand before she could take a step.

"I know. I won't, not anymore," Lily answered, smiling and kissing him once, "You're pretty brilliant, James Potter."

"I know."

She chuckled, kissed his nose, and then ascended the stairs. Once she had slipped out of his field of vision he turned around and pulled the mirror from his robes, activating it.

"Padfoot, where are you?" James questioned, walking over to an empty table. It was silent as he pulled out a chair and sat down but thereafter an answer came.

"Three hours later, he reappears." Sirius stated lazily, looking unimpressed.

"I fell asleep with Lily— I'm sorry. I just got back to the common room."

"Ooooh! Did you fall asleep or did you sleep—"

"Don't bother finishing that stupid question," James cut across, smirking, "Are you three in the dormitory?"

"Nah. We'll be back to the tower very soon; about to leave the Room," his best friend relayed.

"Right. I'll be waiting."


A/N: I'm going back to posting once a month now that I'm back on the horse, so chapter 49 will be here in February. See you then, kids!