A/N: Heya guys! A couple o'weeks and no new chapters? What's up with that? Well, I had a tough few weeks and at the time I was writing chapter 44, the little 'Yuri' bit seemed relevant to me but seeing how tired I am as of lately, I thought about it again and decided not to add it as of yet. Among other things, it was pointed out, that Itachi changes the way he refers to MJ. The reason for that is going to be disclosed at some point though it is still early for that. All I am going to say is that I wrote about bonds when I introduced Summer into the Naruto world.
Anyways, I salvaged some of the original text written about Akatsuki Fan Club. Back in the day, some 5 years or more ago, the AFC was a bit of a crack story with A LOT of made up stuff that in the process of writing the story I was not fond of, mainly because it felt so…I dunno, too Mary-Sue-ish to me. The reason for my unusually wrong Author's Note Corner today? Rose used to have a brother named Timothy, who was the original Tobi cosplayer. She was a law student bag then, with bright dyed orange hair, newly received big boob job and real golden piercings, like the ones of the Yahiko Pein. With all of the cracky-ness I also found the roots, the origins of what is today the Moons of Red you all know. This also reminded me why I kept journals (NOT diaries) for about 7 years of my life. I relived moments through what I have written from back then. Like the way we had created Shiro, through the moments in which Fiona turned out to be the daughter of Akasuna no Sasori and the last, now deceased, Ryuukotsei (fictional clan with the fictional super over-powered Ryuugan). All those things I read from the time sis and I first created the concept of this story… those things made me think. I also saw how much I've improved over the years. A lot of inconsistencies are gone, in terms of proper plot writing.
So, at this point in my life, I came to the conclusion that I need to have a journal. Somewhere to just write my thoughts and to express myself freely. I don't like to keep diaries, but journals are different, to me at least. They're different because I can express myself freely and people can read what I thought and felt at the time; it's in a way a delayed conversation with someone. With the reader. I especially enjoyed rereading some of my real masterpieces from that time period. It reminded me why I liked writing so much. Well, I should start writing chapter 45 now before you all hate me for the long Author's Note. Hehe.
Oh, almost forgot the new column, aka the review reply column!
To Mida Fado's 'Five bucks says Itachi will get some eye twitching from the three girls.' Well… Five bucks says …um… actually, you might have a point there. As scary as it sounds.
To DBZLOVER: not everything in life turns out fantastic. Kind of like going to Disney land to find out Mickey mouse is a retarded guy in a costume. So, it was intentional to make it lame. And it is obligatory for Rose to be cool.
To the rest of you guys: I read all of my reviews and I wanna say thanks to each and every one of you!
HOLY SHIT! I FOUND THE MANUSCRIPT! Ahem. I just went to look for some stuff and opened one of the notebooks I salvaged from the hungry jaws of the fireplace… and there it was! First five chapters' manuscript!
EDIT: Happy new year to everybody! I hope I can finally update my MoR story.
36 hours.
36 hours was all it took Pein to finally convince himself that those girls were not ordinary. 36 hours of pure and unpredictable chaos. And those Kage Bunshin. As a very serious and devoted leader of a village, he warned that for a few moments if his villagers and think less of him now that this was over. Chances were that the found them fun and entertaining. They did possess enthralling charm, and from what seems to be year and years of practice. Even he found them and entertaining. Fiona tended to visit him every few days with some dish other, usually something weird that he had never heard of. But she always had an ulterior motive –usually called off the rain for a few hours every day while the foraged for herbs in mushrooms. Not to mention that the obligatory critter extermination. That was one of the traits that showed the blonde in a less appealing light, but she did not shy from bloodshed, which is vital for a ninja.
The entire men started, according to Sasori, when the blonde, as an act of desperation, managed to produce two Kage Bunshin, which saved her life as a point when she was about to get pummeled berserking Jessica. The record he was holding was nothing short of a bizarre fairy tale.
*Flashback*
'Foolish bimbo. You thought the Keats heir defeated so easily. You have made an unwise decision.' A good impression with a twist of Blood queen Lana'thel, Fia thought, at which point another part of herself sounded the panic alarm. 'suffer! Can you handle this? Here it comes.'
'Eep!' Fia squeaked like cornered game and, somewhat on instinct, formed the single seal needed for the Kage Bunshin no jutsu. There was a puff of smoke And there was a crushing sound Of the impact of A fist into a brick wall.
The smoke cleared, revealing a furious MJ, whose fist had created a dent in the wall. On her size with two identical and cowering Fionas, who were shielding their heads and was slightly crouching. When, for a few milliseconds nothing happened, they blinked and reluctantly released their stance, mirroring each other's movements perfectly.
Not too far away, an identical blonde was scurrying away, quickly picking up her pace. When a horrified Eep! Were heard, followed by a reasonably loud sound of impact and several worried shouts of 'Jessica-chan!' The freaked out girl bolted even faster.
888
'Da…Danna! Hide me!'
The Hiruko doll turned to find itself face to face with a panicked blonde.
'Insufferable brat. I'm not helping you Itachi. Learn to live with the consequences.'
'Mr. Weasel King? Save me from MJ! She's out for my blood. Quickly! You're always hunched over so there is room under your cloak!'
'Brat!'
'Ooh! Danna! I didn't know you have a belly drawer!' the young woman whispered excitedly. That was probably the most surrealistic and obnoxiously ridiculous thing Sasori had heard in his life, and he had some 20 or more years of ninjahood behind his back, which was saying something. For a few moments there was utter silence.
'Danna, there's a really cute red head in your belly drawer.' Fia stated.
Sasori frowned with irritation and then glared with his intense light chocolate eyes.
'It's me, you brat!'
Fia blinked with expertly feigned confusion and then grinned mischievously and in an almost sultry way.
'Ne, Danna, you are a very, VERY, cute red head.' There was the kind of adoration in her voice one would hear when a 3 year old spoke of their plush kitten. It took only a few milliseconds for Sasori to realize why he had a feeling of dread. The woman had a somewhat weird fetish for Red headed people. Not to mention her utter obsession with Leader-sama. It too him only so much to suppress the imaginary sweat drop. He was a professional and as such, he never showed emotion other than the occasional discontented frown or glare.
The reason why he was feeling this dreadful feeling was because that same red head fetish was the origin of her so called 'Kiss a thousand cute red heads' achievement project. And he was about to become number 578. Even Rose-san was in the list. No wonder why she was so proactive about borderline sexually harassing Leader-sama. Not to mention why she used Rose-san as a pillow all the time. And to think he thought the girl bisexual for using the woman's impressive bosom as pillows all the time.
Ahem. Reality check.
There was a sound of a door closing and Sasori could almost feel the electrifying chill that went down Fiona's spine.
'Hide me!' she whispered and shoved herself in the…belly drawer.
'Hmpf! Brat!' Sasori tried to protest…but… Well. This was Fia and desperate situations called for desperate measures. Like shoving her bosom in Sasori's face. For a buxom clumsy blonde she sure knew how to operate in tight…situations. The 'belly drawer' was closed just in time to completely conceal her presence. MJ finally found the Hiruko doll, which was as immobile as usual, save for the swishy movements of the metal scorpion tail. Sasori noted the black haired girl's knuckles were bloodied and possibly broken and now swelling.
'Where is she?' she looked around in a crazed manner, inspecting every nook and cranny, her voice filled with bloodlust.
'If you are talking about the brat, I haven't seen her since Uchiha Itachi took her away. Tell her she has a quota to finish if she still wants to 'hang around' if you see her.'
With that, The Hiruko puppet turned around and completely ignored MJ.
There was a tense silence for several minutes until Jessica finally gave up and stormed away. Of course, he could've revealed Fiona's position but it would've been more troublesome and it might've involved a bit of fighting, which was against the ruled set by Pein-sama, according to handling the girls. In all honest, if he had no idea of the girls' real status, he would've dealt them the old fashioned way. That would've taught them to be nice and quiet. And had they been nice and quiet, they would've saved everyone bit of nerves. This would've been ideal for a man like himself, who hated to wait and making people wait. Simply put- the impatient type.
Several more minutes passed before either Fiona or Sasori would utter another word. It was rather crowded inside Hiruko and the two of them were simply staring at each other. Sasori noted mentally that Fiona had no troubled to bend any way within Hiruko, which surprised him, seeing as she was a meaty growing girl, and her being so agile was one of the last thing she would strike as. Now was also a good time to reveal their compromising position. Hiruko was a doll that spent most of its time hunched over, meaning that Sasori was currently on top of Fiona and he was also having the great opportunity to discover just how pillow-like her bosom was.
'Is she gone?' the girl breathed with a barely audible whisper. She looked uncharacteristically focused and serious, if only for a fraction of a moment. Consistency, talent and potential were all things she possessed, not to mention a slightly mad brilliant mind. But she was no ninja.
She relaxed and exhaled, the tension finally leaving her body. Sasori felt himself follow the deflating motion of her chest and it was only his ninja instincts that saved him from crashing his face into hers. Azure sapphires stared into his very own gleaming cherry wood orbs in the semi darkness of Hiruko's insides. At that very moment the renowned Puppet Master of Suna realized how compromising his position was, cramped in there with an extremely hot blonde who was almost half his age and whose legs were wrapped around his like rigid nun-chucks.
Not that he was about to complain. It had been a while since he was last in such a warm female embrace. He had given up his humanity and desires for the sake of the Ultimate Art. He did not have needs either. In a vague manner, this moment reminded him of his childhood, of days in which he was still an innocent child. Still remotely human. There was a sense of loss and longing within his heart. One that reminded him of all the things he sacrificed for his art. Of all the things that made it so precious. And before him was a young brilliant woman with a great future ahead of her. And in those sapphire eyes he could see all the things he gave up. All the things that he never had. And an iron resolve and desire that were all too familiar and that were glowing in himself as well. For all the incompetence and childishness the girl possessed, which greatly contradicted with her redeeming qualities, he could still see himself in there.
She had what it takes to be apprentice.
But Sasori would be damned for all of his eternity of a lifetime if Deidara suddenly decided to show up by some utterly random and damnable fates and saw his Danna 'thrown into the mercies of a beautiful woman' as said woman had once put it so eloquently into words.
'Ne, Sasori-Danna?' Fia addressed him sweetly, softly, with a note of adoration.
'What is it, Brat?'
Sasori frowned at her, noting how carelessly and trustfully her hands were wrapped around his frame. He could even feel the intense heat radiating from her body. That heat was intensified by the dampness within it, indicating recent strenuous activity. Sasori prayed to the fickle fates for Deidara to have some other business today than to visit him.
'You are a very cute red head.' There was a note of giggle to her voice.
His eyes widened slightly as he remembered about the-
Sasori felt a small, gentle peck on his lips. It was so innocent and child-like.
'You're so precious, Danna.' She stated and then she cuddled him.
Of course. The 'Kiss a thousand cute red heads'. And she called him precious.
For the first time in many years, Sasori felt his heart swell with warmth and belonging.
888
That day Deidara had been busy gathering clay for his jutsu and hadn't visited his Danna's workshop. That day, MJ found herself hospitalized and tranquilized, her arms a bloody mess. She would remain in the hospital for 2 more days with Rose her only company, as Fiona had yet to dare and apologize to MJ.
Rose exhaled and shook her head. She turned a page from the book she was reading, while sitting on a chair next to MJ's bed. Speaking of the raven headed girl, she had been staring motionlessly at the white ceiling, deep in thought. The Rinnegan bearing woman was perfectly aware this was the drawback for having such an emotional explosion. It was something she had never seen before, but Fia had spoken once of a time…when something like this had happened before. It had been a slip up, but it was all it took for a lawyer such as herself to pick it up.
It was that single slip up that was the reason why she ordered MJ to personally escort her whenever a certain young German woman named Helen was around at Conventions. Helen, for that was only how she knew her, was a pleasant young woman with beautiful features and ash blonde hair. Her green eyes and pleasant complexion were the reasons she made such a good Sakura. And she had quite the hair styling skills as, at first, the AFC Leader had thought the pink wig actual hair. Helen was the ultimate fanatical stalker of a fangirl. The type that loved their idols to death, both ways.
Helen was a gay. There was nothing wrong to be gay, and Rose herself was pretty open-minded about it. But there was plenty of wrong in stalking someone into paranoia. She usually let Fia deal with Helen while she herself and Tifa were shielding their perfect Itachi Cosplayer.
Apparently, during the Oktoberfest in 2009, Helen had stolen MJ's first kiss which resulted in a psychological break down for the poor then 13 years old girl. Women were not meant to kiss other women without their consent. Period. And since at the time MJ was still into a more boyish cosplay version of Itachi, it was easy to understand why Helen said that she first realized she was gay when she found out MJ was a girl. And then she had been 15 at the time.
Oktoberfest 2009, Munich
Festivals across the globe like the Oktoberfest were always a great opportunity for a fabulous fan service photo shoots. Such was the case with the AFC delegation that was currently strolling about in Munich, taking pictures every now and then.
MJ, Fia and Hatorri and their families had decided to visit Oktoberfest with Fia and Hatorri's paternal grandparents. Using the opportunity for some excellent fan service photo-shoots, Fia had called L-chan, who had called Tifa, who had Dragged along Charlie and Benjamin. MJ had dragged along the Woodsworth kids, who, being orphans, easily spent almost all of their time with MJ at Keats manor. All in all, it was a great big party in the making and the chance encounter of one Serbian Jiraya cosplayer at the event certified the entire ordeal as an awesome outing for the AFC.
While the parents were spending their time mostly children free, the adult AFC members were 'baby-sitting' the kiddie AFC members. All in all everything was perfect.
Well, as perfect as it could be, until a certain Helen squealed with fanatical fangirl resolve and darted for an unsuspecting MJ. And the poor 13 year old girl found herself tackled to the ground in a lip lock with another girl. For her utter horror.
Sometimes Rose wondered why Fia always said that since she was out of her teen years she had missed on the chance of adventures which they lived through almost on a daily basis. Maybe there was truth in those words. Sometimes things like wisdom and humility could be found in the weirdest places, like socks.
So, Helen and MJ were in a lip lock, apparently they had met Helen a year prior to this encounter and ever since then, said German Helen was utterly obsessed with what she thought was a boy Itachi Cosplayer. Poor Jessie had screamed bloody murder and then she fell into a state of shock in which Helen, oblivious to her surroundings, professed her undying love. Rose found that MJ was never exactly the same ever since. As if a piece of innocence was ripped from her yet again. Thus MJ was smugger and more cynical than ever.
And then came the slip up to mind.
At the time Fia and MJ shared a hotel room and Rose was not present when it had happened, but apparently Fia drugged MJ in time to stop her from going on a homicidal revenge-driven mission. Rose had only asked once and had received a very straightforward answer.
'Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.'
It wasn't that Fia did not trust Rose. In fact, the sheer act of her not telling Rose about what exactly had happened that night spoke volumes about the bimbo's character. Volumes of the depths one's consciousness went. And it was all it took for her, a young lawyer, to understand the respect the girl had for people's right to choose whom they tell their secrets.
Maybe that was one of the reasons Fia's friends were true friends. Because she understood and gave them the choice whether to tell the rest or not. Rose was almost certain Fia knew them all better than they did themselves.
888
'So you tell me that somehow you managed to produce two Kage Bunshin when Jessica-san tried to eliminate you.'
'Hai, Sasori-Danna.'
'And you've yet to return to your apartment in fear of further retaliation?'
'Hai, Sasori-Danna.'
'Where did you sleep last night, then?'
'Here, Sasori-Danna.'
'Hn. You take an awful lot of liberties with me, brat.'
'Gomenasai, Sasori-Danna.'
Sasori swished Hiruko's tail in the same manner as an irritated cat.
'I've prepared an assortment of parts for you to put up together. I want to see if you are competent in construction as well as maintenance.'
'Hai, Sasori-Danna.'
'To start constructing anything, however, you must produce a Kage Bunshin.'
'Nani!'
An air of smugness surrounded the Hiruko puppet. Her short answers had started to gnaw on his nerves, figuratively speaking of course. There was a form of cuteness to her annoyingness but since he was a pragmatic person, Sasori failed to see the endearment in that moment. But he did see a potential student, eager to get to work.
Some several hours later, and some 10 Kage Bunshin present before him, Sasori deduced that the near death experience had somehow miraculously unlocked the ability to use the jutsu in the girl. This needed to be tested further, and he was almost completely sure that Fiona was planning such tests herself.
The good part of all of this was ten times more free labor. The bad part was that things got some ten times more annoying as well, as the now eleven Fionas were bickering among themselves to which he responded with finding them work to do.
Kage Bunshin were a marvelous thing. They were corporeal copies of one's self made of chakra and they had the amazing capacity of thinking for themselves. Kage Bunshin were an ingineus way for someone to be in two places at the same time. Because when someone's Kage Bunshin popped, whatever it experienced was automatically sent back to the original with the spare chakra.
And here is a more thorough Kage Bunshin explanation.
The Kage Bunshin no jutsu is a forbidden jutsu of Hidden Leaf, formerly from Whirlpool, homeland of the Uzumaki clan. One literally must split his or hers chakra reserve into the desired portions in order to produce one or more Kage Bunshin. This was part one of the Danger Alert. If one split their chakra into too small bits, they could die. The good news was that when the Kage Bunshin disperses itself, the chakra returns to the original.
A Kage Bunshin is a literal carbon copy of the user. It is corporeal and it cannot be detected with eye techniques such as the Byakugan and the Sharingan. The Kage Bunshin itself thinks and acts and is essentially the original, but it knows it is merely a copy and thus its actions are conducted by the original's orders…for the most part.
A Kage Bunshin gains experience which it then later transfers to the original. That's mostly a wonderful thing any time of day. But most Kage Bunshin live for a few minutes to a few hours. If the Kage Bunshin were too many or if they were learning things for too long before being dispelled, it is quite possible for the user to suffer a severe memory overload which could damage the brain to the point of permanent paralysis or brain damage and even death. That was the second part of the infamous Danger Alert that had pegged the Kage Bunshin Jutsu a forbidden jutsu.
Sasori was perfectly aware that for the next few hours, his soon to be student will practically relieve him from all of the mundane tasks he had for the week, which meant he would have plenty of time for research. Ah, the benefits of exceptional underlings.
But, as everyone knows, plot bunnies like to eat idyllic sceneries, especially freshly cut out ones such as this one. It was impossible for something not to go wrong. With one Fia, it was improbable for a whole day to go without accident, even a mildly minor one. With two Fias, the improbability meter breaks halfway and one should expect with upmost certainty some sort of disaster. When the scale is tipped surely into the impossibility range with eleven chance hazard bombs, one should head for the bunkers. Why? Simple. Fia is lucky, because she knows how to take her chances. She chooses the route of highest success, hoping for the best. When there are, lets say two Fionas, the second Fiona, seeing the first Fiona taking the highest success rate route, would take the second highest success rate route. And for Fiona, success rate is a complex equilibrium of personal success and collateral damage. Because there was always damage. In any given situation, with minor changes here and there, there are usually around five or six possible routes to take.
Now, with one Fiona (original one) being Sasori's personal assistant, the other ten Fionas could be easily divided into groups of two, taking up every possible general route of success. The brute worth of all of the collateral damage breaks all possible scales for a given situation.
Fiona by nature takes too much risks and collateral damage during her experiments, which cut down on research time and increase chance of greater success. Due to her immoral research work ethics, she was the perfect assistant in any possible way Sasori could think of.
Now, back to the groups of two. A group could be interpreted as a single unit when all members of that unit work for the same cause. That kept in mind, a unit made entirely of Kage Bunshin disregards personal dangers as a Kage Bunshin is not an actual living being, but a sentient manifestation of chakra, molded into a corporeal carbon copy of a single person from a distinct moment in time and space.
A single Kage Bunshin unit will calculate the complex success rate equilibrium by reducing personal safety and balancing it with more time needed for certain research project. With such changes to the main equilibrium, the collateral damage portion increases in proportion with the decreasing need for personal safety and will also decrease in proportion with the needed time to deem the specified project successful.
A quality personnel, so to speak, such as Fiona, works for a certain amount of time to produce a certain quality of finished work. Ten times said personnel reduces the amount of time, increases the man-hours within specified time limit and increases exponentially the quality of the finished product.
There was probably an elaborate mathematical function portraying all of this, but there was no point in divulging into it for this particular occasion.
To cut a looooong lection short, the Fia brand of Kage Bunshin held both her personal specifics and all those unknown occurring decisions that result into mass chaos. This just has to be stressed properly. Imagine ten carbon copies of Fiona who have no fear of death or consequences to themselves. Now imagine the fact that if Kage Bunshin are not given direct orders from the original, they tend to do whatever the original would do, given the circumstances, which means that if, lets say, one Naruto produces five Kage Bunshin and just leaves them somewhere while he takes a nap, the results would be, again, utter chaos.
And so, in the span of 36 hours, Fiona managed to apply the chaos theory, aka the butterfly effect. These 36 hours were yet to happen. But to understand, one must know the basics.
Chaos theory is a field of study in applied mathematics, with applications in several disciplines including physics, economics, biology and philosophy. Chaos theory studies the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions; an effect which is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect. Small differences in initial conditions (such as those due to rounding errors in numerical computation) yield widely diverging outcomes for chaotic systems, rendering long-term prediction impossible in general. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future behavior is fully determined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved. In other words, the deterministic nature of these systems does not make them predictable. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos.
Long story short, if you kick a 3 year old kid with 20 bucks to live on the streets, he may turn out in the end from the next president to dead in three days. Chances were the kid won't hit the pointed out extremes, but as in general with anything chaos related, no one can predict long term effect. The same could be applied for the current situation. The situation that has yet to be revealed. The situation that caused a god to question his godliness.
Here are the initial conditions. One Fiona Johnson creates ten Kage Bunshin and gives them the direct order to finish whatever mundane tasks Sasori has for them. Said Kage Bunshin are not specified to self-destruct after achieving completion of the desired tasks. As a result they are given free reign.
The ten Kage Bunshin find themselves overtaken by boredom. This results into them deciding to pursue various form of entertainment. Given the competitive and mischievous nature of the original, the Kage Bunshin separate themselves into five groups of two and then set out to compete against each other while trying not to disperse themselves prematurely and alarming the original of their current status. All in all, chaos theory has passed them the awesome sauce.
888
5 hours to event launch
'Ne, Sasori-Danna, you said you had prepared assorted parts.'
'And that is what I've done.'
'But it's a corpse.'
'Of course.'
'It's preserved, I take it? Why isn't it stinky? Formaline for one stinks like hell.'
Sasori had no idea what formalin was, given the fact that many substances still went about with different names and in a ninja world information was power. But for those who were interested, Formalin was the trade name for the 10 per cent water solution of formaldehyde. The formalin used for corpse preservations was a 30 per cent water solution of the trade formalin. But that was on earth. Anyways, Sasori eyed Fiona suspiciously.
'Trade secret, Sasori-Danna? Ok, I won't ask.'
Sasori rolled his eyes. Hiruko was laying motionlessly in the corner, the puppet not being in any form effective for teaching human puppet preparations. Then again, Sasori now had the budding suspicion that the young woman has had her hands dirtied by human dissection before.
'Your first task will be to remove the innards and to clear the inside walls of the accumulated cavity.'
'Ok.'
'You've done this before.' It was a statement.
'Yeah, but don't advertise it, Sasori-Danna. I managed to pretend to be some new medical student once. I pulled it off for 5 whole weeks, too!' Fia confessed with a Cheshire grin on her face.
5 minutes later.
'Seriously, Danna, where are the latex gloves?'
'There is no need for them.'
'Haven't you heard of Hepatitis?'
'…'
'I'll go buy some gloves then.'
3 hours to event launch
'Hey! I'm done!' said a Kage Bunshin.
'So am I!' exclaimed another clone.
'I'll be done soon enough!' a third one called.
'Lemme help ya.' said the first clone.
'Okay.' answered the third.
'I'll help too!' proclaimed the second.
1 hour to event launch
Nimble fingers wielded the scalpel with upmost precision and determination. The body had been opened from the abdomen, a trademark autopsy cut revealing the entrails. Sasori was impressed with how quick and precise her cuts were, preparing the abdominal cavity for innards extraction.
With his own help, it was only a matter of time before the lungs and the heart would be removed, with the technique he was personally showing her. Of course, we was wearing protective clothes and long latex gloves as well, her 30 minute spiel on safety not being wasted. While Sasori himself was a puppet, he was not sure if his living parts would endure the strain of any sort of disease or infection that could pass through the container for his heart and brain. While most things were unable to penetrate, anything the size of a virus or a small bacteria was granted free pass. That meant more research. Not to mention the fact that he needed to redo the container coating, something he could not manage himself, per se.
Of course, he hadn't taken into account the fact Fiona was paranoid. It was very easy to forget such a fact, especially in certain circumstances and her ability to convince people. He was never in any real danger.
Event Launch
'Ne, Sasori-Danna.'
'Hn. What is it, brat?'
'Don't you think it suddenly got too quiet?'
'What do you mean, brat? Your Kage Bunshin must've finished their tasks.'
'Aren't I supposed to know that when they disperse themselves?'
'Yes, brat. Now keep working.'
'But they haven't dispersed themselves yet, Danna!'
Sasori stopped what he was doing and gave the now quickly panicking Fiona a very annoyed look.
'Then disperse them.'
'I don't know how.'
If Sasori could breathe, he would've exhaled in annoyance.
'Do the standard release form and say 'Kai'. It's that simple.'
'Kai!'
Nothing happened.
'Sasori-Danna, nothing happened!'
'You have one minute to check on the workshop.'
'Arigatou, Sasori-Danna.'
Fia cautiously walked out of the small dissection room and into the main hall of the workshop. Some 15 seconds later there was the sound of a loud crash and then there was a few moments of silence.
If Sasori had a pulse, he would've had a vein popping on him temple. He did frown deeply in irritation though.
'Sasori-Danna! I'm stuck!'
'Idiot brat.'
Soon enough the puppet master was greeted by the sight of Fiona Johnson tied up and hanging upside down, very much like a piñata, her big azure sapphire orbs doing a very good Q.Q impression. Sasori shook his head and twitched the fingers of his left hand, effectively using chakra strings to cut the girl loose, causing her to fall with a yelp and then an audible thud with an 'Oompf!' sound effect.
'Owie.'
'Silence brat.'
Sasori spotted a small piece of paper lying next to where Fiona had fallen. He picked it up carefully and looked around for any sudden suprises.
'Ne, what's that, Sasori-Danna.'
Sasori glared in the girl's direction and rolled his eyes. He did not reply but read the note, instead.
Dearest and Upmost Respectable
Danna and Boss-woman,
We, the united front of ten rogue Kage Bunshin, offer our deepest and upmost sincere gratitude towards our creator, one Fiona Johnson, for, well, creating us and also offer our utter adoration and awe for the one and only TRUE Puppet Master and Scorpion King Extraordinaire, Sasori-Danna.
As a united front of ten rogue Kage Bunshin, we like to inform you that we completed our designated tasks and then decided to pursue more tasks for the sake of entertainment and for the heck of it, since we hadn't been given any further instruction.
Sincerest love and respect,
United Front of Ten Rogue Kage Bunshin.
PS: Leader-sama is smoking hot!
PSS: We like pie.
PSSS: She fell for the trap, didn't she, Danna?
PSSSS: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PSSSSS: You're the sex, too, Danna, but you're too cuddly to be our type.
Sasori reread the note and looked at a confused looking Fiona, who was waiting for him to say something. He looked at the note again and then back at Fiona.
What.
The.
Fuck?
'It appears your Kage Bunshin have ditched you in pursuit of chaos and stupidity.'
5
4
3
2
1
…
'Shit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshiiiiit!' Fia pulled at her hair and starded cussing rapidly.
Sasori proceeded with ignoring her and heading back towards the dissection room.
'Danna! Wait!'
'What is it, brat? I have work to do. So do you, in fact!'
'But…but…Danna! You don't get it! Do you know what my motto is? Live a full life with no regrets! And these are Kage Bunshin!'
'…' Sasori was still unimpressed and he stared dully at her annoying panicked antics.
'You don't get it, Danna! Think! Me! Times 10! With no regrets! Leader-sama's going to kill me!' at this point she started wailing with desperation. At this point, Sasori finally got what she was trying to tell him.
'Shit.'
'That's what I've been trying to tell you, Danna!'
'Go get Deidara, brat. They shouldn't be too far away.'
Sasori, while not panicked or anything, sounded quite alarmed and grave, and Fia removed the lab coat and latex gloves for a record time before darting to find Deidara. Unfortunately enough, though, Team Pein4evah, aka first Kage Bunshin team of two, had already gotten to him
Time lapsed: 1 hour
MJ was finally released from the hospital and Rose was escorting her back to their apartments, the raven-head's sack in Rose's hands, as MJ still needed a few more days before she was allowed to strain her previously heavily self-battered hands. MJ had an aura of irritation around her, mainly because she hated hospitals and she hated having to rest when she felt perfectly fine. How was she going to impress Itachi when she couldn't even do her katas? The train of thought led her to the still MIA Fiona, who was bound to show up these days.
MJ scowled, now feeling only mild irritation and discomfort with the matter and inserted the key to her own apartment door.
'You know, Fia should show up soon enough, Jessie.' Rose stated, as if knowing what was going on in MJ's mind.
'I know. I just wished she would simply turn up and apologize straight away for once.'
'Heh. I know what you mean. But then again, you wouldn't have accepted her apology right away, now would you?'
MJ smiled smugly, thinking of the severe beating Fia never took from her…this time.
'True, true.'
The two young women shared a small laugh.
'Do you think there is some left overs in the fridge?'
'Hmm…with these appliances from the 1950s? It's been two days, MJ. Not a chance.' L-chan's shoulder's sagged sadly for a moment.
Neither she nor MJ could cook. And with Fia missing in action that left only one option.
'So…take out?'
'Sure, MJ.'
A BALOON CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND SLAMMED ITSELF INTO MJ'S FACE!
'Fucking shit! I'll fucking-'
Another balloon slammed itself into MJ's face, followed swiftly by a third one, which hit Rose square in the face as well. Both were now wet to the bone. L-chan's stoic pose showed just how peeved she was. A vein was pulsing on MJ's temple.
'Seriously, a Balloon attack?' Rose was clearly unimpressed.
'When I find her, I'll stick this bloody kunai up her bloody virgin va-'
Another set of balloons showered them. At least it was merely harmless water. Fearing a third onslaught, Rose swiftly closed the windows. And just in time too. The official AFC leader's eyes widened when she saw literal vapors of water leaving MJ's form. She was seething THAT intensely.
Time Lapse: 3 hours
'Seriously, Silver Iodide is easier to accumulate than dry ice, Congo 2.'
'Yeah, but ingestion of iodides may produce "iodism", which may be manifested by skin rash, running nose, headache, irritation of the mucous membranes, weakness, anemia, loss of weight and general depression.'
'Why do you care? We're Kage Bunshin! And It's only CHRONIC ingestion, not just ingestion, Congo 2.'
'I still prefer the dry ice better, Congo 1.' Congo 2 crossed her arms. Then she sighed and finally gave in to Congo 2's suggestions. 'Pfft, fine. It's not like it's going to actually work.'
'One never knows, we might actually achieve something. Now is the best time to try.'
'True, true, Congo 1.'
Silver iodide (AgI) is a yellow, inorganic, photosensitive iodide of silver used in photography, in medicine as an antiseptic, and in rainmaking for cloud seeding. In this particular case, It was going to be used for …rain making. The crystalline structure of AgI is similar to that of ice, allowing it to induce freezing (heterogeneous nucleation) in cloud seeding for the purpose of rainmaking. Approximately 50,000 kg/year are used for this purpose, each seeding experiment consuming 10-50 grams.
Seeing as Rain was nothing scarce in Rain Country, and seeing as Pein made sure there was tons of Rain, the thought of …'encouraging' the rain process randomly occurred. And here they were now, the two Kage Bunshin of Team Pie, arguing over which substance to use with two similar sketches of some sort of machine in their hands. A propelling device and a disperser were already prepared. It was time for the silver iodide itself. Maybe, if they were lucky enough, the project would be successful. Eh, wistful thinking.
Time Lapse: 5 hours
'Target Acquired. Red leader out.'
'Roger, Red leader. Position secured. Blue leader out.'
'Roger, Blue leader.'
A single Kage Bunshin was standing with a swiftly patched up sniper-like contraption, designed to shoot paint balls at great distances. Some 2 kilometers away, the other Kage Bunshin of Team Trap, Blue leader, was spying on the designated target, one Takeshiro-sempai on a family walk about Amegakure's Civilian Bazaar.
'Target in range and in position. Red leader out.'
'Roger, Red leader. Confirming position. Blue leader out.'
'Roger, Blue leader. On your mark. Red leader out.'
'Now!'
Sudenly, just as the family of four was enjoying the ice-cream Takeshiro just bought them, a swarm of colorful pellets rained hell upon the unsuspecting Sempai, causing mass confusion and panic in the midst of the colorful clouds that spread out from the impact.
'Waiting for visibility to confirm success. Blue leader out.'
'Roger Blue leader. Red leader out.'
Slowly, the brightly neon colored clouds settled to reveal …a very colorful and bright neon looking Takeshiro-sempai. He was twitching on the ground, ice cream still in one hand.
And in the midst of all of the mass confusion and panic, Blue leader slipped away.
'Target pulverized. Mission successful. Blue leader out.'
'Roger blue leader.'
Sadly, this was just only the beginning.
Time Lapse: 10 hours
Deidara was still snoring loudly, drool dripping from both hands and his mouth. He was currently tied up on a chair in a random basement in a random civilian house. Team Pein4evah did an awesome job if they could say so themselves. And they even made some clay bombs and mostly fireworks for the show they were planning. It was too bloody easy.
'Are you sure you used the right amount?'
'Well, duh! One spoonful for half a liter of water.'
'Pinky?'
'Yes, Brain?'
'It's half a spoonful for every liter of water, you dolt!'
'You told me otherwise!'
'No, I did not!'
'Yeah, you did!'
'Nuh-uh!'
'Ah-huh!'
'Nuh-huh!'
Time Lapse: 14 hours
'What are we going to do, Danna? We checked everywhere and even checked in with Pein-sama. Do you think he suspects something, Danna?'
'Of course. He is a ninja, not some civilian school girl.'
'Am I in trouble?'
'Yes.'
'Am I done for?'
'Yes.'
The Original Fia started crying hopelessly. But that was not the point.
The point was that they were being watched from a distance by Team EBIL, who reported their every move and thwarted them on occasion. Like they were about to do right now.
A bucket of water dropped its contents and itself on top of Fia. Naturally, Sasori's superb ninja instincts had left him dry. Same could not be said for Fia.
'Owie.'
'Idiot.'
Team EBIL did the silent high-five.
Sasori sighed.
'Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for your pathetic self, brat, and start thinking about getting out of this mess. It's not like they're someone else! They are you, brat.' Sasori was getting really irritated at this point. 'If anyone can figure out what they're thinking, that is you.'
'Yeah, well, Danna, They're ten of me and I'm alone by myself! And guess what, they know what I'm thinking as well since they're me! Would you figure that out? I can't believe I'm such an ass-hole to myself! I'm never making another Kage Bunshin as long as I live.'
'You'll probably break that promise.'
'You're probably right, Danna.' The Original Fiona sighed and stood up and started squeezing water out of her hair. 'God, I'm annoying!'
'Truer words were never spoken.'
'... I love you too, Danna.'
Time Lapse: 18 hours
For all the checking Sasori and Fia did, not once did they think of going back to the Workshop, where many of the tools had been left unsupervised. There were seals set up to protect the perimeter and the inside of the Workshop. And Fia was keyed in. But the Kage Bunshin were Fia. And Team Extreme had never really left the workshop, which was now more akin to a car garage. At this point of time, Team EBIL had provided the needed cover in order for Team Extreme, with members Spacy and Goo, had finally finished the chassis and support bars for the possibly very first car in the Narutoverse. Now all they needed were a few more hours in order to do a proper welding job of the engine parts. It was nothing fancy or anything. But they hoped for noise and for at least some 60kmph max speed. The chassis was quite stable as well.
Spacy and Goo were covered with machine oil and sooth. There was no time for talking.
Time Lapse: 20 hours
Team Pein4evah was sewing. Yes. Sewing. And had more sewing to do, still. There was a LARGE woven basket, big enough for a single person and lots of ropes. And sand bags. And several gas lamps.
Time Lapse: 25 hours
It was about time for Pein to actually get a hold of what was going on. True, he had his suspicions that something was amiss, but he was sure FIONA wasn't actually that dense to continue with these shenanigans. And she had promised to behave to the best of her abilities. Something was seriously amiss and Fiona was in the center of it. It was a gut feeling that centered around the general fact than some 60 per cent of all chaos was Fiona related.
Time Lapse: 30 hours
Investigation had brought Fiona to a Bazaar where witnesses explained what was going on. Namely classic pranks to the extreme. Fia, of course, blinked at the sight.
'Ne, Danna, a rainbow threw up here.'
Sasori was in his Hiruko puppet.
'More like your Kage Bunshin filled balloons with bright neon paint.'
Fia sighed.
'Maybe I should tell them to use a different detergent. They should use bleach.'
The Hiruko puppet swished its scorpion tail idly.
'Any ideas, brat?'
'Apart from them having a pneumatic long distance sniper gun?'
'Yes, apart from whatever that is.'
Hiruko suddenly moved away and a balloon hit Fiona square in the face.
'Aw, c'mon! I just got-'
Another balloon hit her. She was now perfectly wet. Hiruko swished its scorpion tail idly.
'I hate myself.' The blonde Bimbo whined.
Time Lapse: 32 hours
'The vehicle will be in working order in 3 hours. We need more time. Keep them away from the workshop.' Spacey instructed to a small transmitter.
'Pinky and Brain here. Team Pein4evah in position. Rockets in position.'
'Is Deidara still asleep?'
'…yes.'
'Dolts.'
'Team trap in position.'
'Team pie in position.'
'Team EBIL is still distracting targets.'
The Kage Bunshin known as Goo started laughing in the most evil mad scientist and dramatic way she could possibly muster. Then she choked.
'Ahem. Soon, everything will be ready… for the ultimate prank of the century!'
'Get back to work, Goo! The engine won't construct itself.'
'Eh, shut up, spacey, You're only cranky because I pulled out the 'Leader' ticket and you didn't. So, Nye!'
'So, Nye! Yourself!'
Time Lapse: 34 hours
'Brain?'
'Yes, Pinky?'
'Do you think setting Deidara loose in the hot air balloon was a good idea? What if he sleep walks?'
'He'll be fine. I just wish we could've seen his face when he woke up.' Brain sniggered at the mental image.
'Yeah…not to mention the pink dress and clown make up!'
Both Kage Bunshin doubled over in laughter. Soon enough Team Pie turned up with the Silver Iodide concoction.
'Do you think Pein-sama is going to make it rain too soon?'
'There are clouds. We need to hurry. He might set them off when he sees the 'fireworks'.'
'Do you think it'll work?'
'I sure hope so. I even brought white T-shirts!'
'Wet T-shirt parade?'
'Yep!'
'I'm so awesome.'
'Yeah I am!'
The four Kage Bunshin giggled.
Time Lapse: 35 hours
When normal people see fireworks, they cheer and enjoy them. When ninja see fireworks, they sound the panic alarms. It took Pein mere 1 minute to start the rain machine. The fireworks were still going for another 10 minutes though and all over Amegakure. As much as he tried to find the culprits, he could not locate them. Merely because the fireworks launched with timed mechanisms.
And so, it started Raining. But there was a measly little fact about chakra and silver iodide. So it started down pouring. And Pein, no matter how much he tried, could not stop the watery onslaught. He was definitely locking up Fiona. For the sake of his own sanity, at least. Good thing that Konnan wasn't here. She would've been nagging him about how she told him so and how these girls were nothing but trouble.
Time Lapse: 36 hours
Some half an hour ago it started down pouring and Sasori seemingly disappeared into thin air. Apparently, she was on her own when the shit hit the fan. Fia sighed sadly. She couldn't blame Sasori for wanting to save his own hide. Pein was scary when he wanted to be. It was her own fault. And she would face the consequences with pride. On the bright side, she probably proved to be her very own menacing force. Then again at what price? MJ currently wanted to kill her. L-chan was probably in a 'I am disappoint' mode, Deidara was probably kidnapped and utterly humiliated, judging by the firework show that transpired. Ninja were on high alert, people were screaming. There was mass panic, Pein was going to kill her and on top of that she was still a bloody virgin.
Fia sighed sadly, her eyes not seeing the chaos and about her. She was sitting on the side of the street, as wet as a dead rat in the sewers. There was no point in running. She was getting her ass kicked anyways.
It wasn't her fault that the Kage Bunshin took after her chaotic tendencies. And she tried so many times to dispel them. Nothing seemed to work. Even getting herself knocked out did not help. Maybe that was another part of why the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu was a forbidden jutsu.
'Fia! You are SO dead!'
'Jessica! Wait!'
Fia looked up to see a glaring Michael Jessica Keats and Rose holding her back by the shoulder.
'MJ! Wait! Just listen, ok? I made Kage Bunshin! They're taking over!'
Both MJ and Rose stared dumbly at Fia.
'What are you talking about?'
'I can't dispel them and they left a note they're going rogue and they're so getting me into trouble. I am so dead. They did this! I know it!' and at that point Fia broke down, crying hysterically and radiating desperation.
'If she is ACTUALLY crying like that, she must be telling the truth, Rose.'
'I believe her as well.'
'Fia, we can find them and-'
There was the loud roar of an engine and through the heavy downpour something shiny and metal-y passed by making people scream and run even more hysterically. Naturally, they knew that had to be some kind of vehicle. But were those TEN blonde Bimbo's wearing nothing but their panties and white T- shirts?
'Holy shit!' Fia exclaimed in horror.
'After them!' MJ ordered and ran off after them. Rose and Fia soon followed.
'They're too fast!' MJ shouted at her two companions
'They're going at 40 kmph! And the engine is too loud even in this rain. We can't catch up to them, though.' Fia yelled back at MJ.
It wasn't easy following the vehicle either, seeing as there were so many people on the streets.
'This is fucking peachy! Haven't they heard of evacuation plans?' Fia exclaimed angrily.
'You can suggest some ideas to Leader if you survive.'
'Haha, very funny, MJ.'
Then, suddenly, there was the screech of wheels on the road not too far ahead.
'They stopped! Quickly.'
The three girls finally caught up to the now immobile vehicle. Fia managed to take a good look at it. It was merely bare metal pipes, an engine and some other things, wheels, some improvised seats and headlights. Inside of it were the ten missing Kage Bunshin. They were wearing only some red bandanas around their heads, white T-shirts and panties. Wet white T-shirts. And they were cheering like groupies at something in front of them.
Fia looked up to where the headlights illuminated the form of a figure, hanging in midair, among the heavy downpour. She sucked in a breath in awe.
'Amazing.' She breathed.
It was Pain, in all of his wrathful glory. His grey ringed eyes could be seen even at this distance. A scowl was marring his pale face. He stretched out a hand…
'Oh no…' Rose mumbled.' Pein-sama! Wait!'
But it was too late. The vehicle exploded, raining parts in every direction. The Kage Bunshin disappeared in a puff of smoke. Pein looked at what he believed was the offending party, namely Fia. He saw her frozen with shock, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. The next few moments stretched out for him, as he realized that Rose-san was screaming at him. MJ was looking confusedly at the whole situation, trying to figure out what exactly had gone wrong. He looked at Fiona again, he was staring at him with this deer-like expression. Her azure sapphire orbs rolled up in her sockets and her knees buckled. Blood started pouring from her mouth, ears, nose and eyes. Michael-san shrieked in horror and caught the girl in her arms. Her brain had imploded from the information overload… His eyes widened in realization. He had killed her.
