This chapter is dedicated to Bobbie because it's her birthday and because she's been begging me to make things a little happier.
It gets there, I promise.
"Clara?" Adrian walked in to her classroom early the next morning. He'd come in to prepare her classes, unsure if she was going to be in. Clara's eyes flicked open, the strain the light on her eyes just a little too painful still for her liking. She rubbed at her forehead and sat up from where she'd slumped on the desk. "What on earth are you doing here? Are you okay?" He looked concerned; Clara was fed up with people looking concerned at her. She looked at the mess on her desk and groaned a little.
"Fine, just a little stiff. Falling asleep here was not my intention I assure you." She knew she hadn't just fallen asleep; her head was reminding her of that. "I thought I should come in and get some of this stuff sorted, told Danny not to wait up but I wasn't really intending on staying all night." That much was true; she had planned to go back to her Dad's place to sleep.
"No offence but you look like rubbish, you need to go home and rest Clara. I'll get Danny to come and get you." He went to grab his phone but Clara quickly stopped him, trying to look polite about it but slightly panicking.
"No I'm fine Adrian honestly, I'll make myself look a little more respectable in a moment but I should be here, what with maternity leave and illness I've hardly been here recently – it's not good for the kids." She stood up, starting to clear the desk a little. He didn't move. "Adrian what is it?" She asked.
"It's nothing, just…" he started, and Clara sighed as she realised what was going on. Now she grabbed his phone from his hand and looked at the messages from Danny. "Clara he's worried about you. I don't have a clue what's going on but this isn't right, you two are so close this doesn't make any sense." She slammed a textbook down on the desk, shocking Adrian and making him jump.
"It's none of your business Adrian, for goodness sake go and get yourself ready for the day and let me do my job. And tell Danny to stop going behind my back." She told him sternly, going over to the door and opening it for him. "I'll see you later." Adrian nodded, not really knowing how to reply to her as he left. The moment he was out, Clara slammed the door shut, leaning her back against it and resting her hands on her bump. "I'm sorry you two, you don't need to hear all this. You've heard too much already, and I'm sorry. I don't really know what to do right now other than work." She gently rubbed the bump before moving from the door to finally organise the room for the day ahead.
Danny had managed to get the kids up and dressed for school without too many problems. Ellie was better this morning, but she still wanted to travel in with Danny rather than going to Paige's house as normal. When they arrived she ran straight in, Danny knew where she was heading. He followed as quickly as he could, but he wasn't quick enough.
"Mum!" Ellie called as she ran in to her classroom. Clara spun around, not expecting Ellie to be there so early. She hadn't had a chance to sort herself out yet, that was next on her list. Danny must have got here earlier if he didn't go to Paige's house on the way. Ellie stopped when she saw her, looking confused. "Your hair's all messy." She said, trying to work it out.
"I know, don't worry honey I just left my hairbrush at home. I've got one here, just haven't had a chance to use it yet." Clara tried chuckling a little bit, but it wasn't all that convincing. "What you doing here so early sweetie?" She went over and gave her a hug. Ellie hugged her, tighter than usual.
"I wanted to see you. Why didn't you come home? Are you and Daddy mad at each other?" She asked. Clara quickly looked up to where Danny was stood at the door, shocked. He just shrugged. Clara turned her attention back to Ellie.
"Ellie look at me, you don't worry okay? Daddy and I are fine, I just had loads of work to do and I didn't want to wake you all up. We love you a lot." Clara kissed her head softly, glaring at Danny who was ignoring her gazes, but not leaving.
"Right El, why don't you go to the library yeah? Mum and I need to chat sweetie." Danny spoke from the doorway. Ellie removed herself from Clara and looked around.
"Can I sit in your room?" She asked, picking up her bag again and clutching it close. Danny nodded.
"Yeah, course you can. You can use that textbook if you want again." He walked over now, putting a hand on her shoulder briefly. Ellie eventually moved, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. Danny didn't speak straight away, pausing a moment to look at Clara who had already turned away to find her hairbrush in the drawer. "I know you're angry, I don't blame you, I'm sure I would be."
"You were." She replied, not looking up. Danny didn't speak and Clara knew he was looking confused at her. "When you found out I'd lied to you for so long, you were angry." She explained, pulling her brush out, opening her laptop screen to use as a mirror brushing her hair. "We promised never to keep secrets like that again!" Clara slammed the brush down and finally looked at him.
"I had no choice Clara! It was this or me dead, I don't regret what I did one single bit and I never will! I understand, I really do, but we can't go on like this!" He raised his voice momentarily, holding his neck and struggling to work out what to do next. "You slept here didn't you?" He asked.
"Not intentionally." She returned to brushing her hair. As she did a small bruise was revealed in the top corner of her face, Danny suddenly realised.
"You collapsed here… Clara…" He put a hand out but she stepped away. "Clara I'm not about to launch in to a speech about being right or anything, I'm worried about you, anything could have happened."
"And whose fault is that?" She threw the brush back in her drawer and went over to her store cupboard, Danny following a little way behind. Clara went inside, grabbing her spare blouse.
"That damn woman who got me killed in the first place. Clara none of this is either of our faults! We had to fix this in the best way we could, there wasn't another option!" He didn't know how many ways there were to say this. Danny sighed as Clara turned her back on him to change. "Fine, I need to go and set up. I'll see you later." He told her, walking away and leaving the room. Clara stood still as the door closed, doing up the last couple of buttons on her blouse making sure her hair looked okay in the mirror she'd had in there since her TARDIS days. As she finished Clara dropped her hands and sighed, she looked like rubbish still and Danny was right, it wasn't his fault. She'd been ridiculous, but she still couldn't shake the anger. Growling a little, she kicked at one of her shelving units, swearing as she did. Her body was numb still with the pain, the dull ache at the back of her mind driving her crazy. Suddenly she grabbed her phone from her pocket, dialling from memory.
"Clara…" the Doctor didn't even get to speak anymore before she started.
"How the hell do I fix this?!" She shouted down the phone at him.
"Excuse me? Fix what?" The Doctor replied, confused.
"This! Me! I'm so angry at Danny and I can't stop it, every time he's here it's like I just want to punch him but I don't! Something is stopping me telling him that and I don't like it!" Clara paced the small space in the cupboard.
"It's just the-" he didn't get to finish
"-effects of the memories returning. I KNOW. But how do I stop it. I remember everything, I get that now, I understand why you did it but I'm still SO angry. You have to stop this!" The Doctor sighed.
"Clara it's not that simple I can't just turn it off." He told her, she replied quickly again.
"Why can't you?! You started all this!" She screamed at him.
"Clara!" He shouted back, almost making her jump and shocking her back a little. The Doctor noticed her breathing change as she calmed a little. "That's better. Listen to me – I cannot fix this. This is entirely your decision. It's not easy, I get that, your brain is going crazy and it's having to rewire but you can fight it. There is nothing I can do Clara." He told her. She sighed, still settling her breathing.
"I don't know how. Doctor I've only just managed to get my mind back in check and then this happens, what am I meant to do?" Clara slid down the now closed door in the room.
"Let your husband help you. Stop fighting the world Clara." Silence fell for a moment, only disturbed by the school bell going that made Clara jump. "You're at work?"
"I have to work sometime. I need to go." She sighed, hanging up before he could argue anymore.
She avoided the staffroom all day, it wasn't worth the hassle. Most people avoided her too, word had clearly spread on her mood. She tried, hard, but she did snap more than usual at her classes. By the time 4th period came she was ready for a free. The empty classroom was a blessing, Clara sat back, hands on her bump and staring at the ceiling, not realising the door opening.
"I come in peace." Clara jumped a little, looking over to the door where Danny was walking in with his hands up. She smiled a little, he looked quite cute. Cute. That was a better thought… "Was that a smile? Am I imagining it?" He walked over slowly, clearly still a little nervous but eventually perching on the front desk. "Look I won't stay long if you don't want, just we're both free and I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Stay. Please." She replied quietly, returning to look at the ceiling. Danny didn't move, or speak. "I'm sorry-"
"You don't have to apologise for anything." He quickly told her.
"No Danny, I do. You're right; I can't blame you for any of this you just did what you needed to. I just can't stop this." Now he moved, going to stand behind her chair, letting her lean back against him as he rested his hands on her shoulders, carefully massaging them. Clara didn't fight now, but her could feel her tension.
"I was selfish, I just wanted to live, to have you back. I didn't even think what it would mean for you, not when he offered." Danny stayed where he was, talking quietly. "There was no going back; I mean there literally was no going back…" Clara bought her hands up, taking his and lifting them off her shoulders, turning around as she stood up to look at him.
"I'd never have forgiven you if you had." She sighed, leaning in and hugged him tight. "You came back from the dead for me, I'm not sure many people can say that." They both chuckled lightly. "My head bloody kills though." She moaned in to his chest. "Screaming teenagers don't really help." Danny rubbed her back gently.
"Let me help you Clara, please let me help you." He kissed her head softly, looking up as the door opened and Adrian walked in.
"Oops, sorry, just need to borrow some textbooks. Everything okay?" He walked around them to the store cupboard. Clara stood up, staying within Danny's grasp.
"I'm just dying slowly, we're fine." Clara told him. "I'm sorry for snapping earlier Adrian, thank you. Class going okay?" He appeared again holding various textbooks.
"As well as it can, you know how it is." Clara nodded. "Hey if you need to go home I can cover your last lesson, I'm free." She went to speak but Danny got there first.
"That'd be brilliant Adrian, thank you." Clara looked at him, but Danny just smiled. "See you later." Adrian left, heading back to his class.
"I don't need to go Danny, you've got a lesson." She told him, but he had other ideas.
"I know. We'll get you home and I'll come back." He let go. "Get your stuff, I'll drive you back."
Clara was cooking dinner as they arrived home. Chloe ran in first, hunting her down in the kitchen. Quickly putting down what she was handling and spinning round, Clara picked her up and kissed her forehead.
"Hey there beautiful girl, how was school?" She asked, walking back through to the living room.
"Good! Are you happy now?" Chloe replied, Clara simply smiled.
"All the better for seeing you." She told her, looking over to Ellie who was stood in the corner with Freddie. "You two okay?" Ellie looked nervous. Clara carefully put Chloe down and went over.
"El just tell her, it's okay." Freddie whispered, Clara looked over at him as Ellie shook her head. "Do you want me to?" He asked and slowly she nodded in reply.
"A lot of the kids at school were saying how odd you were acting in class and asking Ellie about it. She's worried about you." He squeezed Ellie's hand gently.
"Thanks Freddie. Would you mind watching the dinner for me? Everything's on the go. Just let me know how it goes." He'd helped her out before; Clara knew he'd be alright for a few minutes. "Don't touch anything unless necessary." She smiled as Freddie nodded and went off; Danny guided Chloe out upstairs at the same time. "Come sit down sweetheart." Clara walked over to the sofa and waited for Ellie to join her.
"Mum what's going on? I'm really scared." Ellie curled her feet up on the sofa, playing with her fingers nervously. Clara reached her hand out for Ellie to take it, which she did.
"I've been in a really bad mood today sweetheart, I had a terrible headache last night and this morning and it made me really angry. I didn't mean to be, I promise I didn't, and I'm okay now. Dad's made me feel loads better and he'll keep making me feel better." She told her. Ellie took a moment to take that in.
"Can I help?" She asked.
"Yes, you always help El because you and Chloe make me smile." She told her. Ellie nodded again, still thinking.
"Dad explained what happened the other night. That Uncle John can travel in that box and stuff. I didn't tell anyone like he said, but it's really cool Mum. Can you tell me stories?" Ellie asked.
"Plenty, but not right now okay? But I will. I have a lot to tell." Clara smiled, hugging Ellie. "Right now I need to go finish dinner otherwise we'll be late. Let's go see how Freddie's getting on shall we?" Ellie had a smile on her face now as they made their way back in. Clara was finally getting things back in order.
The weekend mercifully arrived and Clara was awoken by some very excited kicking from her stomach. She carefully sat up, smiling as a very sleepy Danny moved his hand over to her, resting on her bump.
"Doesn't that hurt?" He asked, still not opening his eyes. Clara chuckled and her hand joined his. "It feels hard."
"It's a good pain. They're just reminding me they're in there." She gently stroked a thumb across his hand. "Danny I need something." She said eventually.
"Mmm?" He replied, still refusing to open his eyes. Clara smiled at how cute he looked.
"Avocado. I really need avocado." Now he opened his eyes, laughing as he looked up at her completely confused. "What?! Cravings are horrendous." She looked serious at him. "Danny please…? You told me to let you help me…" She giggled at his face.
"Yeah get better not go to the shop at 8am for avocado. When did you last have an avocado anyway?" He asked.
"I don't know if I've ever had one…" Clara tried to think. "Probably at university. Ate all sorts at university." Danny raised his eyebrows and Clara just laughed again.
"I love your laugh." He replied. "But it's still 8am Clara." She rolled her eyes, moving a little and hugging him, putting a cute face on. "Oh no don't do that to me. Nopeeeee no no no." He shut his eyes tight, chuckling a little with Clara who gently touched his nose and then kissed it. "Clara Pink you're going to be the end of me."
"Actually I was once." She replied. Danny opened his eyes again, giving her a weird look. "What? Might as well joke about it now." She grinned. "Don't worry I'm not going psychotic again, I just really need an avocado." Clara kissed him properly now, deeply enough to make him shut his eyes again briefly before she pulled away. "Please?" Clara gave him a soft smile now.
Finally he sat up, flinging his legs out of bed. She moved back triumphant. Danny stood up, turning around and quickly throwing a cushion at Clara who laughed at his reaction. Danny could only smile and listen, he hadn't heard her laugh so much in a long time. He was a little shocked when the pillow ended up back in his face. Giving a look of mock shock, he jumped back on the bed and started tickling her, Clara giggled and tried to resist him but it wasn't easy.
"Dannyyyy!" She wriggled as he teased her, giggling away. "No this is cruel!" She batted at his hands but he didn't give in.
"Daddy don't be mean to Mummy!" Chloe's voice came to the bedroom door. Ellie quickly appeared behind her. Danny stopped, looking around to them as Clara grinned behind him.
"What's happening?" Ellie asked, looking to Clara.
"Well you see Daddy is being very mean." She winked to Ellie to make sure she knew she was joking. "Shall we get him?" Ellie and Chloe both nodded, smiling and running over to jump on their bed and then Danny. Clara watched on as they started tickling him back.
"Hey this isn't fair!" Danny looked over to Clara. "Help?" She shrugged and grinned. "You can't use the kids to get your own back!"
"I think you'll find I can…" She replied as Chloe sat on Danny, giggling away. Ellie moved away a little, still watching but leaning against Clara a little.
"Mum?" She asked to get her attention; Clara looked to her and waited for the next part of her statement. "I've missed this. Everyone is happy." Clara nodded, smiling and hugging her.
"Me too kiddo. What dya reckon, PJ day and films?" She asked. That disturbed Chloe from her tickling mission.
"Can we have popcorn?!" She asked. Clara chuckled and nodded.
"Definitely. Daddy can get some, he's going to the shop anyway." She smirked, and Chloe looked to Danny hopefully.
"Alright alright I'm going." He moved Chloe off him and stood back up. "But I'll get you lot back later." He said before going off to the bathroom.
When Danny returned he found all 3 girls on the sofa, cuddled together with a dvd waiting to go in the machine. They were looking at a wildlife book that Ellie had for her birthday, both girls thoroughly enthralled with the pictures and Ellie obviously reading to learn the facts. Danny diverted to the kitchen, putting popcorn in a bowl and then preparing avocado on toast for Clara. He was nearly ready when she came in the room, tucking her arms around him as best she could, looking over him.
"I love you, that looks amazing." She told him. Danny turned his head briefly to kiss her. "You gonna change back in to PJs?"
"Clara I don't actually own a pyjama top…" He told her, finishing off the prep. She smiled, slipping her hands under his
"That's quite alright by me." Danny rolled his eyes, turning around in her grasp and resting his arms on her shoulders.
"It's really not that warm." He told her, but Clara shrugged.
"I'll keep you warm." She told him. Danny raised his eyebrows. "Oh get your mind out the gutter you remember we have two children who are watching with us right?" They both laughed. "Go on, go change. You can always put an old t-shirt on." She grinned and let him go, picking up the food dishes and going back through to the living room.
Clara placed the popcorn bowl down and Chloe immediately went in but she batted her hand away gently.
"Oi you, wait for Daddy. What are we looking at now?" She sat down, looking at the book.
"It's an Arctic Wolf Mum, they live in Greenland and they live in huge territories because there's so little food. They're beautiful." Ellie smiled. Chloe was lying on the floor on her stomach the other side of the book, staring at the picture but listening to Ellie intently. Clara smiled at how much she admired her older sister.
"Ellie's really clever isn't she Mum?" Chloe popped up as Clara was thinking about it. Clara smiled, sitting down on the sofa and putting her plate to one side.
"You're both clever girls, you know I'm proud of you." They both got back up from the floor and sat back beside her. Clara slipped an arm around each of them, pulling them close. "Thank you both for being amazing." She kissed each of them on the head, looking up as Danny reappeared in the room and came to sit down. Chloe shifted so he sat between her and Clara and Ellie pressed play on the remote.
As they sat there Clara knew things were finally happy. There were 2 more children on the way, but that didn't seem anywhere near as daunting when they were like this. She loved her family more than anything and they were finally back to some sort of normality.
She just hoped it would last.
