THE STAIRCASE
By Red Charcoal
Author's note: There is a very low level trigger warning in this chapter due to a brief and passing reference to suicidal ideation.
CHAPTER 48 - REGARDING HENRY
"Did you mean it?"
Regina clawed her way out of sleep at the familiar voice, somehow far too close, and cracked an eyelid. Emma Swan, blonde mussed hair and a worried face inches from her own, was kneeling beside her bed, staring at her intently.
"Emma?" Regina cracked open her other eye and tried to focus.
"Did you mean it?" The voice was hoarse, and the eyes tired, as though they hadn't got much sleep.
"My dear, you're really going to have to be a little more specific," Regina said as she bit back a yawn. "And it's cold. Get under the covers before I catch sympathy pneumonia. Which, before you argue, is most definitely a real thing."
She glanced at the bedside clock. 7.00am exactly. Had Emma been waiting for it to tick over to a more civilized hour before finally waking her?
How considerate, she drawled to herself.
She paused. Just how long had she been kneeling here, waiting?
Regina frowned for a moment as she watched Emma shakily stand and then crawl into bed next to her, maintaining her distance on the other side. She then rolled onto her side, facing Regina, and propped her head up on one hand, in an attentive pose.
"Do you really forgive me?"
Regina felt a smile spread across her face. "That's an easy question at least," she purred and inched closer to the blonde. "I definitely do."
The blonde looked at her intently for a moment before dipping her chin in a reassured nod. "Good, that's good to know," she whispered. "Makes a big ... it's good. I hoped I wasn't hearing things."
There was a silence. "I haven't been sitting here, ah, bed-stalking you for hours," she added as an afterthought. "I only just ... I came in to see if you were awake and then... Well then I had to know the answer." Emma glanced down. Her hands were shaking so she hid them.
Regina inched closer. "Were you up all night thinking about this?" she asked, eyes peering assessingly into green when Emma looked up again. "You don't look very rested. Is my guest room so inhospitable?"
"Had a lot to think about. So yeah, had a pretty late one."
Regina edged further across until she was well over the middle of the bed. "Mmm," she whispered. She could feel the blonde's body heat now, radiating invitingly, and her still sleepy body seemed to be reaching for it without much involvement on her brain's part.
"Don't think I don't know what you're doing." Emma eyed her nearness with feigned outrage and prodded Regina's bare shoulder with a finger. "Typical. Give a girl an inch and she takes a mile."
Regina smiled and slid a questing hand over Emma's hip and brought her in for a lazy half-hug, in a grip that was so loose it was barely there. "Would that really be so bad? If I took a mile?"
Emma dipped her head into Regina's shoulder, silk straps pressing against her cheek.
It was clear to both women that the mayor was very much still waking up - and in rather pleasant mood.
"You are incorrigible," Emma exhaled without any censure. "And you make it really hard for me to think sometimes," she confessed in a voice muffled from a mouth pressed into warm skin and silk.
"That was the idea," the brunette practically purred, enjoying the feel of Emma pressed against her. "Less thinking." She pulled her in tighter. "More... us."
Regina realised, as her hand began to walk its way from Emma's hip and up across towards her chest, that she probably would not have been so bold at any other time of the day. But she had always been so susceptible to rumpled Emma, in that half world between sleep and waking. The smell of her. The feel... Her fingers were practically tingling.
"I see," Emma said, interrupting her thoughts, as they both watched as one rogue, tan finger traced its way up a white tanktop and across to a swell. "Anyone would think Madame Mayor likes a little snuggle and fumble in the morning."
Emma's nipples hardened under both their gazes. She flushed faintly.
"It's a bit late to be coy about that now," Regina said thickly as she noticed the reddening cheeks. "After all, how many times did we wake up in exactly this position?" Her wandering hand now flattened and began to rub Emma's breast gently. The blonde's breath caught. Regina's eyebrow lifted at the sound, and her lips quirked, pleased.
Emma cleared her throat and said shakily: "I absolutely would have remembered if I'd woken up to you doing this to me."
Perfect eyebrows rose even higher. "Well dear, I suppose you have a point. You never went further than presenting yourself to me like a bonobo chimp. Definitely no extras."
Emma froze. "A b-bonobo?!'' She gaped and sputtered indignantly. "If I recall it was YOU doing all the clinging and, ah, 'presenting' and fumbling with me every morning! I was just lying here, all innocent."
Regina offered her best, slow Cheshire cat smile, sleepy brown eyes regarding her with amusement. "Just keep telling yourself that, dear."
"YOU..."
"Yes?"
A long pause. Then a bark of laughter.
"Regina Mills, you are teasing me." Not a question.
The brunette chuckled, low, deep and throaty. Emma swallowed.
"Well you did claim to miss being insulted," the mayor said. "And, besides, you do make a target that is entirely too tempting."
"Starting to rethink that insult request now. And, shit, is that your way of calling me easy?"
Regina flashed her teeth in amusement. "Well dear, I'm not the one who greets people knocking at the door in my underwear."
"I'm sure you'd get a lot more visitors if you did."
Regina's eyes danced. "Would you visit me more often, dear, if that was my habit?" she asked in a droll tone.
Emma gave a small growl before replying. "I think you know the answer to that. I might even take to sitting on your front steps, pointedly polishing my gun to discourage ANY early morning visitors."
"Why, Miss Swan ... Are we jealous?"
Emma mumbled something into Regina's shoulder which sounded vaguely like a yes. The mayor's eyes lit up approvingly and she gave the blonde's soft breast an even firmer rub at the pleasing answer.
"Good. I expect nothing less. Now would you like me to continue doing this or do you want to hear your itinerary for the day?" Regina asked too sweetly.
"You ARE evil," Emma muttered at the loaded question.
Regina's expression fell. "So I've been told."
The kneading stopped. Her hand retracted under the covers. Even in jest that word hurt.
"Wait, no," Emma said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that - you know, the way Henry says it."
Regina rolled back to her side of the bed, the mood broken. "Speaking of Henry," she said neutrally once she had resettled, "HE is your itinerary for the day."
"Huh?"
"He requested you for today. He has it all planned out. I think he had some idea of showing you everything that has changed around Storybrooke since you've been gone."
"And what'll I do for the next 20 minutes?" Emma asked with a tug of her lips.
Regina eyed her archly. "You might be surprised what's been going on since you've left. We're not entirely the backwater hick town you told your secretary about in Boston."
"I meant no offense," Emma said, looking faintly shamefaced.
"Hmm," Regina said, considering that. "It might be wise to remember sometime when you're curled up in my bed that I am actually the mayor of Storybrooke and I am proud of this town. My town."
"Yeah, um, sorry. You're right."
Regina nodded once and dropped the matter. She rubbed her face and felt the last of her sleepiness go. "OK, shower and breakfast," she ordered her bedmate. "Henry told me he wanted you from eight."
"Isn't it a school day? You know - Monday?"
"It's a public holiday."
"It is?"
"It is now," Regina said and regarded her challengingly.
"In aid of...?"
"In aid of you spending some time with Henry."
"Huh. Must have missed that holiday growing up." Emma looked at her smugly until her face fell at exactly what she'd just said.
"Indeed," Regina said slowly.
"OK, um. Right," Emma stumbled. "It's a great cause."
"The very best."
"Yeah."
Henry Mills, aged 11 and 9/10ths, sat up, yawned and rubbed his eyes. He reached for his Batman watch - a gift from his mom last birthday. 7.12am. Plenty of time. He gave a small grin and threw off his bedding, determined to get an early start to his day.
He had run his plans past his mom the previous day which were basically to let him loose on Emma - and Storybrooke - so they could "catch up''.
His mom had agreed immediately that it was a great idea and he had hugged her impulsively. He hadn't even thought about it, it just happened. And to his great surprise it had felt really good. And right. Despite their cold war and everything that had happened, and their current truce, he realised he wanted to stay hugging her for a bit longer.
That was when he'd blurted it out: "I'm so glad you're not her anymore. The evil queen I mean.''
She had stared down at him with a strange look on her face and eventually sighed and neatened his hair absentmindedly.
"Why do you say that?"
"I'm almost 12 now, not a little kid. I know what you're doing. I thought it was a trick at first, but then everyone started falling in love and you just let them and then you went to get Emma." He stopped and stared at her in confusion. "I just can't totally figure out why."
"The why is fairly obvious - I want Emma to stay. We need our sheriff back."
Henry humphed dramatically. "Come on, Mom. That's just an excuse. Why do you really want her to stay? The other reason. I mean she is the Saviour! You're not supposed to bring her back here."
"Henry, does the 'why' even matter? Don't you want Emma here, too?"
Henry had bit his lip. The why DID matter. Very much in fact. He looked at her hard. It had been tiring out his brain trying to figure it all out. He really only had one working theory but it seemed so crazy that he had told himself it couldn't possibly be true. But now Emma and his mom were here, and not fighting and looking at each other like ...
And then there was that dance.
Ever since he had begun wondering if his theory might be true. But the book never mentioned love could overcome evil queens, and de-evil them, even if that seemed to be, maybe, what was going on. Maybe.
He thought some more. Everyone knew love was the most powerful magic of all. Bigger even than evil queens for sure. Of that he had no doubt. Although - that evil queen-defeating power really did seem a pretty big thing to leave out of the book.
But then again his book also never once mentioned that two women could fall in love, either, though he knew that happened sometimes, too. The same way Archie and Matt fell in love.
He wondered, not for the first time that month, if his book was actually leaving a LOT of important stuff out. Stuff that would explain everything.
Or, he sighed, it could also be a big trick. Evil queens could do that, too.
Then his mind flicked back to the wedding dance and the way his mother never once took her eyes off Emma. The way she held her really tight at times, whispered into her ear, smiled against her neck and looked like she was having the happiest moment of her life. Her whole face had glowed.
Why would an evil queen fake that?
He frowned again, and had no answer.
His mother was watching him closely, still waiting for an answer.
"I want her here, too," Henry confirmed. He eyed her curiously. "You really don't act like you hate her anymore." He hadn't meant to say the last bit out loud but the words had tumbled out like the random thought it was.
"Henry," Regina exhaled heavily as if she was very tired all of a sudden. "I don't. And I know you won't believe this - but I'm not sure I ever did."
Henry bit his lip again. He searched her face for signs of a lie and found none.
This was way too hard. Way, way too hard.
He'd talk to Emma later.
Henry and Emma sat in their favorite old booth at Granny's diner, slurping on matching banana thickshakes, plates of grilled cheese sandwiches in front of them, and deconstructed their morning's tour.
"So whose idea was the new library expansion?" Emma asked and then sucked noisily on her shake.
Regina had been right, Emma mused. A lot of changes had happened while she'd been away and some of them had reshaped the entire face of Storybrooke.
"Well Belle - that's Mr Gold's girlfriend ..."
Emma's eyebrows shot up. Gold had a girlfriend now? She wondered what on earth she'd be like. Probably a clever sharply-dressed woman who would keep up with his Machiavellian schemes, she guessed. She pictured someone aristocratic, who did not suffer fools gladly. Henry was chattering on so she pulled her focus back to him.
"... asked if she could reopen the library cos she loves books so much and so Mom went one better and brought in some computers for it, and suggested the reading nooks so people who can't afford a computer or books, or anyone who just wants to hang out, could have somewhere nice to go."
Emma nodded. She had been actually seriously impressed by the state-of-the-art addition to the old building. It had been brimming with enthusiastic residents when she and Henry stopped by. No sign of the mysterious Belle though.
"And what about the new recycling initiative Mary Margaret was telling me about - and the greening of the urban areas and the extra parks around your school? Where'd that all come from?"
"Well Mom thought it might be nice for people to have somewhere to sit and relax. And she said we can't waste resources - that it was important to look after the planet."
"Hmm," Emma said giving her shake a blast of air, amusing herself with the bubbles that formed. Henry giggled.
Emma recalled what else she'd seen: "I never thought I'd see the day the mayor would throw open the town hall for anything other than boring meetings."
"Yes!" Henry said and pointed to a flyer stuck near the diner's door. "There's a children's variety show coming up and a puppet show and a town talent contest next week and ..."
Emma grinned. "So lots of stuff happening."
"Yeah and Shakespeare in the Park is on next month, from the Storybrooke Amateur Thespian Society," Henry finally concluded.
"Storybrooke has thespians? Who knew?" Emma raised an eyebrow and smirked as Ruby joined them at the table, collecting their plates.
"Sure does," the waitress grinned and offered a knowing wink at the lame joke.
"Well, duh," Henry said, looking between the women in confusion, aware he was missing something. "How can you have an acting group without actors?"
"Yep true," Emma agreed blandly. She patted her stomach. "God, so full now. Good thing we did a walking tour all morning. Not that I think your mother would ever have loaned me her Merc."
She grinned at the ludicrous idea. Henry pushed his shake away and offered a contented sigh.
Emma watched him for a minute and recalled a time they had sat in these very seats and all he had wanted to talk about was one thing.
"So tell me, kid, if your mom has done all this stuff, that's pretty great, right?"
"Yeah," Henry conceded, a suspicious look in his eye.
"So do you still think she's the Evil Queen?"
Henry regarded her for a moment. "I think she's changed. She brought you back, after all."
"She did. And she wouldn't take no for an answer," Emma added with a small smile. "I am starting to think she really wants me here."
Henry looked at her again and bit his lip. His fingers balled a serviette and he stared at it intently. Emma wondered what he wanted to say but wasn't.
"You know kid, I see a lot of happy people around town," Emma plowed on. "Couples in love and all that. People just generally a lot happier than before. If your mom was really the Evil Queen, she'd be putting a stop to all that, right? You told me she took away the happy endings. How can your mom really want this curse to stay in place if she is helping to make everything better and happy?"
She gave Henry an assessing look, genuinely curious as to how he'd excuse her logic. She knew he would though. He was one determined little boy.
"I-I think Mom maybe trying to break the curse now," he whispered conspiratorially. "Or at least she doesn't care if it breaks. I just am not 100 per cent sure why. I mean I have a theory but..." He faded out and flicked worried eyes to his birth mother. "I'm not sure you're ready to hear it."
She gave him an amused smile. "Try me. I can handle it." She crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward.
"I ... I think Mom has fallen in love, and she doesn't care about anything else anymore but making that person happy. And if that person is, like, crammed full of goodness, then Mom knows she has to do good, too, or the person she loves won't want her. She doesn't even care if breaking the curse hurts her personally anymore, she just wants to be good enough to be loved back."
Emma's eyebrows lifted in astonishment. That was quite a theory. "Who do you think your mom loves, Henry?"
She waited a beat and watched as worry swamped her son's face. He looked so conflicted. "Like I said I'm not sure you're ready," he mumbled.
"Who is it?" she repeated, and this time her heartbeat picked up, thumping anxiously. She wasn't sure which answer she feared more - her son knowing, or him fixating on someone else.
"It's you," he whispered hotly then seemed to suck in and hold a breath. Huge wide eyes watched her fearfully.
"W-why do you say that?" she asked, stalling in panic. Her eyes flicked around the room, wondering if anyone else had heard. No one was paying any attention to them.
"It all fits. Her bringing you here and being nice to you now. Besides, I saw her dance with you. Everyone did. I heard everyone talking about it and what it had to mean. But I have eyes, too. I know my mom. She doesn't ever look at anyone like that, or hold them like that. Or smile like that. And she has never ever EVER danced like that."
Emma was the one to bite her lip this time. "I..." She wasn't sure she should confirm it or not. Ultimately she decided it was Regina's place to choose how to handle her son's suspicions. It wasn't like the mayor had even told her she loved her. Although she often felt it when Regina looked at her. The warmth that exuded from brown eyes was intoxicating at times. But her insecurities leaked out often enough to wonder if she wasn't still the mayor's passing fancy. Easily discarded when the novelty wore off.
"Do you feel the same way, Emma?" Henry asked.
The blonde tilted her head curiously. She was sure she could see hope on his young features. "You'd like that? Both your mothers together?"
"Yeah," he nodded vigorously.
"Even though we're both women?"
He rolled his eyes as if she had just said the most stupid thing ever.
Maybe she had.
"Duh. What's that matter if you love each other? And two of my friends at school have same-sex parents. No one cares anymore, Emma." He gave her such a condescending look that he was suddenly most definitely Regina's child.
Out of the mouths of babes.
Emma sighed. She hadn't even been here a week and Henry had figured them out. Already Regina had broken down her defenses in a way only she could, turning her into an emotional mess. And it was still only Day Three.
This was all way, way too much to consider before she had a few bourbons in her.
"So DO you love Mom?"
Goddamn the kid was persistent. She considered lying. She considered admitting the truth - but what would happen if she then left? She'd be getting emails from him for eternity about how "true loves should be together".
"What did I look like when we were dancing?" she asked suddenly. "You mentioned your mom, but not me."
Henry puckered his brow thoughtfully. "Like you couldn't believe it. Like if you'd landed on the moon it would make more sense."
Emma laughed aloud at that. "Pretty accurate, kid."
"And you looked like you loved dancing with Mom, like you do it all the time. Did you dance together in Storybrooke?'' he asked, suddenly fascinated at the thought.
"Nope, not even once," Emma said. "We hated each other then, remember."
"Mom told me she never hated you," Henry offered. "She told me yesterday."
"Well she could've fooled me. I'd hate to see what she's like when she really hates someone."
"Well she did really hate Miss Blanchard."
"Oh. Yeah, right. I remember."
"But she doesn't anymore. Not so much anyway. That's also more proof she's changed and she's not that evil now. She even donated to Miss Blanchard's school fundraiser."
"She what?"
"Miss Blanchard was all vague and weird and kept saying 'Wonders will never cease' for, like, three days after." Henry gave a wide grin.
Emma chuckled.
"So are you gonna answer the question?" Henry looked at her slyly.
Emma gave a cryptic grin. "No kid, I'm not."
It was 11pm and Regina was rubbing in her arm cream slowly - very, very slowly - while, if she was completely honest with herself, she waited. Emma had begged off dinner with her that night by saying she wanted to catch up with Ruby, one on one. The mayor had immediately and forcibly attempted to squelch the jolt of jealousy and gave her a neutral "Of course. Have fun." She didn't think she'd pulled it off entirely because Emma had looked at her curiously.
The blonde had not returned yet, and the mayor had already surreptitiously called the bar and grill the other woman had hinted she was eating at to confirm their closing times, and that Emma had in fact left.
The waiter assured her she had just gone. But that was half an hour ago.
Regina had unlocked her French doors, patted down her nightwear, fluffed her hair a little, and waited. And waited. She supposed it was possible Emma had finally decided to use her front door and was already home, but based on last night's conversation, she doubted it.
A shadow crossed the doors and Regina let out the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. Emma tapped twice on the glass and waved cheerfully and Regina hid her smirk as she called out that it was open.
She watched as Emma closed and locked it behind her and sank to the floor in her usual spot. The blonde's eyes fell to a folded up blue blanket beside her.
"Hey, thanks!" Her eyes lit up as she shook it out and drew it around her legs. She fortunately didn't make a point about why Regina knew to leave it there. That she had been waiting for her like some doe-eyed teenager.
"Oh and thanks for the other thing. That made the climb easier."
Regina merely nodded. "I didn't want you breaking your neck. That would be exceedingly hard to explain to Henry and everyone else in Storybrooke as to why you insisted on scaling my wall."
The mayor had spent much of the morning hunting around hardware stores for an appropriate short rope ladder to hang from the side of her balcony. When she could find nothing suitable, she had then spent the afternoon - while Henry and Emma were enjoying the movies - watching as Marco made her one to measure. She had knotted it to the balcony railing herself - after researching the most appropriate knotting techniques online, finally following a YouTube video assiduously. She had hoped the impetuous blonde would avail herself of the climbing device.
She had.
"Well it was very thoughtful, Regina."
"It was nothing," the mayor shrugged and waved a hand casually. "Just something I had lying around in my garage."
Emma eyed her doubtfully, and the brunette realised she knew she was lying. Regina gave a small, sheepish smile. "Or something like that," she amended. "So, how was your date with Miss Lucas?" She changed the topic and made the question deliberately provocative. Her eyes glittered.
"Not a date, Regina," Emma replied with a knowing look and leaned back. "But it was great to catch up. I missed her. In fact I think half the reason I hired the secretary I did was cos she reminds me so much of Rubes."
"I detected no plunging cleavage or excesses of skin on the lovely Miss Somerville," Regina said airily.
Emma rolled her eyes. "There's way more to Ruby than her fashion taste."
"I'm certainly glad to hear it."
A silence fell between them which was comfortable - but Regina could see by the way Emma was opening her mouth repeatedly that she was dying to say something.
"Out with it," she ordered.
"Huh?"
"Whatever it is," Regina said.
Emma looked at her hands. She glanced up.
"I sneaked a look at the next card in the envelopes you gave me, before I went out."
"I see." Regina sucked in her breath. "Which one was it?"
"The one about Henry."
"Oh." Regina examined her fingernails as she recalled her words she had written: "If anything were to happen to Henry I don't think I could go on living. It would break me completely. I think I would choose to follow him."
"By 'follow him' do you mean you would, ah ... take your own.."
"Yes." The answer was short and clipped and left no room for debate.
"What if we were together? As a couple? And then something happened to Henry? Would you still..."
Regina thought about that and felt utter confusion.
"I had never considered that. I-I'm not so sure now."
"I would help you through it, you know. You wouldn't face that alone."
"I thought there was no 'we' yet?"
"In this hypothetical situation there is. And hypothetical me would be devastated if you took your own life because Henry had died. Or for any other reason."
"Oh."
"Just 'oh'?"
"I am not used to having someone who would care about me in that way." Regina's voice was quiet and, to her horror, she heard it tremble. Emma's head lifted and turned to her, so the brunette knew she'd heard it, too.
"I know the feeling," Emma said just as quietly. "I have been alone - no support I mean - almost my whole life."
Regina exhaled. "I am ... sorry, by the way. I knew that about you and there was that day I made the dig, that not having someone is the worst possible curse."
Emma's lips thinned and pressed hard together. "You always did have unerring accuracy when you wanted to hurt me."
"One of my more unfortunate talents. You should know that if we were together, and we had a fight, I still have that tendency," Regina admitted. "I cannot curb it as much as I'd like."
"If I recall one of the things you said you liked about me was that I have seen you, warts and all, and never shied away from that. It's very true. I know who you are, Regina. My doubts have nothing to do with your sharp tongue."
Emma suddenly flushed as if noticing another connotation to her words. Regina smirked as she cottoned on. "You think about my sharp tongue a lot, Miss Swan?" she asked silkily.
Emma reddened even more.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" The blonde attempted a casual tone and failed miserably.
"I think I already do if your guilty face is any indication," Regina drawled. "That's quite alright, dear. I think I quite like knowing that."
Emma humphed for effect and her blush grew.
The brunette gave a low chuckle. She watched as Emma pushed herself off the wall and began folding the blanket back into a neat blue square.
"I think it might be time for me to turn in. I have bar smoke all over me," Emma said and winced, her nostrils flaring.
"Ahh, so you went to one of the classier establishments then?" Regina said with a faint sneer. "I might have guessed."
Emma laughed outright at that. "I love how you pretend not to know. The waiter told us you called to see when he shut and if we were still there. He said he'd told you we'd gone - he seemed to think he was rescuing me from, uhm, domestic trouble. Anyway I took that as my cue. It was getting late anyway."
Regina scowled and this time felt the color rise in her own cheeks. "That's the last time I expect discretion from hospitality employees. I could call his superior and get him fired for that."
"But you won't," Emma inserted playfully and sidled over to the bed. "I know you won't."
"You think you know me so well, dear," the mayor said with a warning tone, trying to scrabble back her dignity.
Emma leaned forward and dropped a goodnight kiss lightly on her lips. "I don't think I do,'' she whispered and dropped another kiss. "I know I do." She said it cockily, daring the brunette to disagree.
"Fine." Regina rolled her eyes. "I won't get him fired. But the establishment will be boycotted by me to the end of my days."
Emma snickered. "Have you ever actually even been there once yet?"
"Not the point." Regina tried to look more outraged but it was hard when Emma was eyeing her with such fond amusement.
She leaned up and captured Emma's lips for a longer kiss, running fingers through blonde hair and sighing when she finally let go. She suddenly wrinkled her nose in distaste.
"Dear God, you weren't kidding about the smoke. Get into the shower before I throw you in there."
Emma's expression faltered.
"Or would you like to see me do that? Hmm?" Regina asked, lips curling. She wasn't being serious but Emma did suddenly seem to be giving the matter some earnest thought.
"Maybe not tonight," Emma said softly, gazing directly into brown eyes. Regina felt herself being lost in their depths. She swallowed at the unspoken "but maybe another time" that was hanging between them.
Emma pulled away very, very slowly and headed for the door. She paused and looked back with a soft smile.
"Good night, Regina."
The door clicked close.
