"Holy fuck! Don't move, baby!"
WHAP.
"Getupgetupgetupgetup!" Peep wrenched Thane up off the ground and practically threw him at the back door.
Thane stumbled, rubbing the back of his head. "Siha, what are you—"
"Just shut up and get in the fucking house!" Peep shrieked and shoved him along.
She slammed the door behind them the instant they crossed the threshold. Bewildered, Thane watched as she dashed toward the hallway. He followed more sedately, but was alert and focused, if only because Peep was behaving like a maniac. Thane stood in the doorway of their bedroom as Peep tore through the dresser, flinging clothes everywhere. His throat expanded when she pulled out her piece. "Siha, what in the world is going on?"
Peep whirled around, wild-eyed. "There's a goddamn scorpion outside!"
"I beg your pardon?" Thane found himself backing up slightly under the force of her glare.
"A scorpion!" She waved the gun around emphatically. "It was only sitting on your big stupid head!"
Thane bristled a little bit at the insult, but allowed it to slide. "Things often crawl upon me when I meditate outside. That does not constitute the need for alarm, or your pistol."
Peep craned her head forward and squinted at Thane in a combination of disgust and incredulity. "What part of 'scorpion' don't you understand?"
"I don't know, Siha," Thane sighed. "The 'scorp,' I suppose. Or, perhaps I'm having difficulty with the 'ion.' Actually, I think it would be best if you elaborated on both components."
She budged past him and jogged down the hallway. "Laugh it up, asshat. That thing coulda killed you."
Thane thrummed, irritated, and ran after her again. "Correct me if I'm wrong—" he began. Peep interrupted with a snort. "—but I seem to recall you saying that about a number of creatures. Harmless creatures."
Peep ignored him, except for an annoyed glance over her shoulder. She opened the back door cautiously, scanning the sandy back yard as she released the safety. "You see anything?" she whispered.
"I see many things." Thane craned his head to peer through the gap between her head and the door frame.
"I swear to god, I'll shoot you if you don't knock it off," Peep hissed.
"Is there a particular reason you are whispering?"
"Would you just help me fucking look!"
Thane grunted as she elbowed him in the stomach. He nudged her roughly in the lower back in return. "I am always happy to assist, Siha, but I doubt my superior ocular capabilities will be of much use in this situation."
Peep scowled, eyes still frantically combing the ground for any signs of movement. "Why's that?"
Thane cocked his head. "I don't know what a scorpion looks like."
Peep turned her head to stare at him. "Are you seriously telling me a scorpion just came along and crawled up your entire body, maybe even your face, and somehow you didn't see it?"
"My eyes were closed."
"You've gotta be kidding." Peep faced him entirely now, hands on her hips.
He shook his head. "No."
"Oh, my god. Thane." Peep fisted her hands in her hair, dismayed, pistol bouncing off her skull at a dangerous angle.
"Siha," he mimicked. He reached up and reengaged the safety.
She dragged one of her hands over her face, squishing her features downward. "I really have to wonder how you made it this far if you can't even tell when an eight-legged death monster is sitting on your head!"
"I never said I wasn't aware of its presence."
"And you just sat there?" she gaped.
Thane blinked. "Of course. I was meditating."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Peep tugged on his shirt violently.
Thane delicately pried her hands away. "According to you, a great deal."
"Oooh!" Peep stomped her foot. "I dunno why I bother!" She flung her hand out and pointed toward the yard. "Get back out there and sit, then, if this is so funny! Maybe if I'm lucky, that thing will crawl back on you. Then I can take you both out at once and save myself a heat sink."
A/N: Thanks for the fave and follows!
