Disclaimer: Harry Freaking Potter? Not mine.


The Magic Word Is Sorry, Not Please
(Chapter Fifty Two-Never Knowing)

The truth was that Fred wished he was at home.

He wished he was lying in his broken bed, in his messy bedroom, with his mother shouting up the corridor to make him get up.

He wished he wasn't lying in the dormitory he'd had the time to tidy, next to the trunk he'd sorted, in a pretty much deserted Hogwarts.

At least at home he'd have something to do.

Here, he'd run out of activities within the first two days and he still had another 14 to go.

He'd already flown his broom around the grounds, broken into Al and Scorpius' dorm just to be nosy, had the house elves bake him cake, tested all the products his Dad had sent him in the room of requirement and he'd even completed his homework and done extra revision for his NEWTs.

He was bored out of his head without Anna around.

And Anna should be around; it wasn't like she'd stayed at home this holiday, she was just staying in her dorm, claiming to need to study or sleep.

Fred didn't know what he'd done, but it was getting to him more and more each moment.

He turned his head to his bedside table, and watched his clock tick for a few minutes. Then it was one in the afternoon on a Monday morning, and he could practically hear his mother's shouts getting louder. So he dragged himself out of bed, and threw himself into the shower.

Trying to work out what he'd done to upset Anna was like trying to understand Divination; impossible.

He hadn't said anything to her that he could think of. Nor had he ignored her or pulled a prank on her that she hadn't found funny. In fact, until the holiday had started he'd thought they were getting on better than ever.

He tried to rack his memories for something unusual that could have upset her as he showered, and his thoughts continued as he got dressed into the clothes on the top of his trunk.

Then he trampled down the stairs, into a common room that he could almost guarantee would be empty…

He was wrong.

His cousin was sat in her seat, leaning over a book on her knee.

Fred's suspicion at seeing Dom reading was increased when she stuffed the book away after he cleared his throat.

"What are you reading?" he asked, sitting down.

"Nothing." She lied, making Fred pull a face at her. "It's just this book Vic lent me ages ago; I thought I might read it-"
"Running out of things to do too?" he laughed a little.

"No, I read all the time!" she replied sarcastically, before leaning her head back and groaning. "There is seriously nothing to do in this school!"

"I know." Fred nodded. "What's James doing?"

"He's gone to ask Professor Longbottom for help before his exams; he's voluntarily seeing a teacher, he's that bored."
"Merlin, if you now tell me that Roxy's planning her next prank to pull on the staff room then I'll know the world has truly turned upside down."

"Not quite, she and Anna went somewhere."

"Anna?" Fred couldn't help it; he sat up in his seat and leant forward a little. "You mean she's not in your dorm?"

"No, she and Roxy said they had to go somewhere. I don't know, really; I was still in bed."
Fred nodded, frustrated; his girlfriend was somewhere out there, she wasn't locked away anymore, but Fred didn't know where to find her.

"Did she seem ok?" He asked, his voice a little quieter.

Dom looked up, and then her face suddenly seemed to be taken over by understanding. Then she shrugged. "She didn't say anything; it was Roxy who said bye."

He shook his head. "I don't know what's going on with her." He confessed, feeling a little stupid.
"I don't either, Fred, I'm sorry."
"It's alright. I just… do you reckon Roxy knows?"
"If she does she won't tell you."

Fred nodded, agreeing. His sister would never tell her best friend's secrets, even if the best friend in question was his girlfriend.
"Do you reckon it's something I've done?" he asked her.

Dom just bit her lip, which was enough of an answer to Fred.

Somehow, and he didn't know how, he'd messed everything up with the girl he loved.

He leant back again, pretending to read the Daily Prophet that had been left on the table, but really once again thinking of how he could have upset her.

Until something in the paper caught his eye; his surname distracted him from his thoughts.

"Have you read this?" he asked Dom, who looked up from her book which she had once again emerged herself in.

"No, what does it say?"
"There's a whole page on our lot at the train station!"

"Seriously?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, listen to this; 'Ronald Weasley was visibly distressed at the presence of his enemy's son, while Albus Potter was also looking disgruntled around Scorpius Malfoy as reports suggest Al is upset at his best friend and cousin's relationship. Ginny and Harry Potter also seemed distant from Scorpius and, perhaps, the entire group of children arguably due to the article published in January which showed the true behaviour of the teenagers. Noticeably missing from Platform 9 and 3/4s were the three oldest Weasleys and James Potter, which our source from Hogwarts tells us were commanded to stay at school by their parents…' What a load of rubbish!"

"Why do people feel the need to write utter crap about us?" Dom whined, before returning to her book.

Fred groaned, truly hating life at this moment.

He continued to read the rest of the paper, diverting his thoughts until Anna arrived when he vowed he would just ask her what was going on.

However, she was gone longer than one paper. She was gone longer than two Daily Prophets and one Witch Weekly's. She was even gone so long that Dom finished her book and left to go back up to her dorm, and James breezed through the common room up to their dorm with books in his hand.

It was gone five when Anna returned, by which time Fred hardly noticed because he was so hungry.

He stood up though, and she sighed when she saw him.

"Fred, not now." She shook her head tiredly, and Fred bit his lip.

Was this really the two of them falling apart, he wondered? Was this really how he and Anna ended? He knew it was soppy, but he'd never imagined them breaking up; he imagined them spending their lives together, with beautiful little ginger haired- green eyed children.

"Yes, Anna, now." He replied forcefully, telling himself to fight for them.

"Fred I really don't want to-"

"Look, just tell me what's wrong? Tell me what I did?"

She looked up at him, but still didn't meet his eyes.

"Fred, you didn't do anything. Nothing that you shouldn't have-"

"Then how long are you going to avoid me for?" Where his yells came from, he didn't know. He was just so annoyed with her, for not looking at him or explaining or apologising or… He was annoyed with her for not being herself; for not talking to him.

"A long time!" she yelled back, before pushing past him and walking quickly towards the stairs.

"Well can you please just break up with me now then; just get it over with-"
"I'm not going to break up with you, you idiot!" she shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Well you're acting like it."
"Well you're acting like a jerk! Just leave me alone…" she sighed, and somehow they weren't angry anymore. She looked really small, stood there with the arch of the staircase towering over her and her arms folded over herself protectively. "I will explain. When I… when I can."

He took a few steps towards her, but when she didn't walk towards him too he stopped.

"I'll just wait, then." He told her, simply.

She nodded. "Thank you." she turned and started to walk up the stairs, before stopping and turning again. "I do I love you."
"I love you too." He sighed, before watching her walk away.

And even after a conversation with her, after waiting for four hours for her, he knew nothing more than he had before.

James felt pretty good. He felt like his parents might be proud of him, for revising and doing his homework and asking for extra help… he wanted them to be proud of him.

He had, in fact, felt good all holiday. His mind didn't seem as clouded since he and Roxy had spoken to Louisa. He still thought about her, but he wasn't asking questions anymore; he was just deciding on his next move.

Rolling up his completed Defence essay, he opened the next book on his pile; Quidditch Through The Ages. He told himself he was allowed a break from work, and that winning the Quidditch Cup was just as important, if not more, than his NEWTs.

He was lying on his bed, debating whether he could get Lily and Hugo to perfect the Dopplebeater Defence, or if he and Anna could learn the Porskoff Ploy in time for the next match when Fred stormed inside, slamming the door loudly.

His best friend didn't speak to him; he just stomped straight into the bathroom.

James, not sure what else to do, put his book down, got up, and leant on the wall next to the door.

"Fred, you alright?"
He heard sniffing, and James was able to answer his own question; no, Fred was most definitely not alright.

"Fred?" he asked again.

"Yeah," James heard scuffling from the bathroom, more sniffing, and Fred's loud fake voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. Am I not allowed to use the bathroom without questioning?"

James laughed weakly. "Well, are you sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Then the door opened, and Fred stood there with an unquestionably false smile on his face. He was just a little taller than James, which James had always hated. But still, he had ginger hair; James had definitely won there. Fred had the better smile, though, when he truly smiled, and right now he wasn't truly smiling. "I just really bloody hate girls."
"Oh." James replied, smiling. "Join the club."
Fred suddenly looked guilty. "Sorry, that was insensitive-"
"Insensitive? That's a long word for you, Fred. I think you've been reading too many books!"

Fred laughed a little. "Yeah, I guess. Sorry, J."
"Don't be. We really could make an I Hate Girls club." The truth was that he hadn't even thought of Louisa when he'd made that comment. He'd just been thinking generally.

Because girls said one thing, and did another. They searched for compliments and got offended at stupid things. They told their best friends everything, but found the same behaviour unacceptable from guys. They only put up with complete perfection.

Louisa hadn't been like all those other girls.

"So, what has Anna done?" James asked, distracting his mind from Lou again. He found himself doing this at least six times a day.

"She's just… Never mind, it'll work out."

To James, it was obvious that Fred had decided against complaining to James, thinking his problems were nothing compared to James'. He was disappointed; he thought it would be quite nice to hear that everything wasn't perfect for everyone else.

But he didn't push Fred; Fred hated talking about anything serious and James knew it, so instead he suggested they went downstairs for dinner, which Fred agreed to.

They ate dinner normally; they discussed tactics for the next Quidditch match. Unusually, however, on the walk back towards the common room they shared notes on the Charms essay they had to write. Fred and James only ever really discussed homework to complain about it, not to compare ideas.

They walked back into an almost completely empty common room, where only Roxy was sat in the corner on the fireplace.

"Hey." James sat down, and greeted Roxy, who smiled at him.

Fred, however, did not greet his sister in the same amicable way James did.

He made a noise that James thought sounded somewhere between a grunt and a growl.

"What's wrong with you?" Roxanne demanded.

"You know." He told her.

"No, I don't. I'm not a mind reader."

"Yeah, you do. You know whatever's wrong with Anna." He still hadn't sat down; he was towering over both James and Roxy from his position between the sofa and the fireplace.

"I can't tell you, sorry." She replied simply.
"What happened to family before friends?"

James felt uncomfortable. Unlike the rest of the family, Roxy and Fred didn't really bicker like the other siblings. Instead they had huge but rare arguments.

However, for one of these arguments to happen both Fred and Roxy needed to be in equally bad moods. Otherwise, one of them would just ignore the other. If they were both in an equally stubborn mood though, it would take barely seconds for them to yell at each other. Fred, James knew, was in the perfect mood for an argument; he almost seemed to be waiting for one. Roxy though, James wasn't sure about.

He just sat silently, thankful that the common room was empty so no one could report any arguments to the Prophet, and watched Roxy's reaction.

"Fred, I'm sorry. She'll tell you in her own time; she has to." James stopped himself smiling when he realised that Roxy seemed too docile to argue today.

"And what am I meant to do until then?" he asked her, angrily.

"I don't know, do I?"

Fred flounced out of the common room, stomping up the stairs as he did so.

James couldn't help himself, and turned to Roxy. "So, what is wrong with Anna?"

She shook her head. James wondered if her previous calmness had been a front, because she now bit her lip and looked worried. "I can't tell you. But it's big, James. Really big."

James nodded, figuring he didn't want to push her into talking. So instead he changed the subject to the Charms homework.

"You're talking about Charms?" Roxy asked him back, tilting her head before laughing. "Wow, you really are bored this holiday."

"Well aren't you?" He replied indignantly.

"Not really." She shrugged. "McGonagall's got us doing extra head-duties; cleaning classrooms, checking common rooms, supervising revision sessions-"
"Sounds interesting." He said sarcastically, before another thought came into his head. "Wait, does that mean they told you about head meetings?"
"Yeah… Yeah, Craig told me there was a meeting on Saturday morning."

If James had ever seen an unreadable facial expression before, Roxy's wiped the floor with it. She had a slight smile on her lips, but anger clouding her eyes and seemed almost sad in the way she moved to sit.

"So you've talked to them?" he asked, shifting his weight on the sofa.

"Not really. He passed me a piece of paper and walked off."

"But in the meeting?"
"No. Craig didn't say anything and Louisa wasn't even there." James couldn't control his heart, which beat just a little faster when Roxy said her name. "We were on common room duty together yesterday, but we didn't say anything to each other."

The thought of Louisa walking silently next to the girl that had once been her best friend made James feel sorry for her, even though he didn't really want to.

"Are you happier without her?" she said quietly, as if she could hear James brain whirring as he fought to stop thinking about her.
"Are you happier without him?" he asked back, avoiding the question because he didn't know the answer.

"Yes." She replied easily, unnerving James; was he meant to be that sure too? That sure that he didn't want Louisa at his side? "Because I didn't realise I was unhappy before. And now I know that I'm not."

James nodded, not sure what to reply. He, unlike Roxy, had been happy with Louisa, happier than he ever remembered truly being. With her, it was like he was constantly flying through the sky.

So no, he wasn't happier without her. He wasn't happier without Louisa. He was happier without the girl who cheated on him.

He was beginning to see them as two different people; Louisa and the girl who cheated on him.

"Do you think you could forgive her?" Roxanne asked, as James continued to think.

He wondered for a moment if, maybe, him separating Louisa and the girl who cheated was him forgiving her.
"Have you forgiven them?"

She nodded, which James didn't expect. She wasn't meant to forgive them; she was the stubborn, proud one.

"I don't think I meant to forgive him. It just happened as I shouted at him; I realised that I wasn't angry with him for hurting me, I was angrier at him for hurting, well, you and Louisa. And she's yours to forgive, not mine."

"I can't." he shook his head.

"I know. You and Louisa were different to me and Craig. Looking back, it seems like we were only together because we were expected to be. I don't think I really loved him; it seemed fake. Not honest like you and Lou. I've never really seen love like you two-"
"Don't." he said quietly. He didn't want to hear how good he and Louisa had been together because he already knew it. He didn't want to hear that he'd fought for her for so long, because it just made him feel stupid. He didn't want to hear Roxy say, as Dom had, that it was almost romantic that Louisa had slept with Craig because she convinced herself it was him.

Because she still slept with him. She still slept with a guy who wasn't James, who was in fact her best friend's boyfriend.

And no matter her excuses, he realised, he couldn't get over that.

Louisa and the girl that cheated on him were the same person, and he knew it.

"I can't forgive her." He sighed deeply, as this realisation hit him. "She ruined everything."

Roxy stood up, looking back at him as if she understood all too well.

"That's a shame." She said simply, a dreaminess and simplicity to her voice that reminded James of Aunt Luna. "Because we all know you're still in love with her."
And then she walked away, and James didn't have the energy to yell her back and deny it.

She was right, and that was the problem.

He was in love with her, but he couldn't forgive her. And he never would.