Still alive, guys! I've decided to officially carve my ex out of my life, blocking him from everything. I'm not mad but I think just removing him from everything is the best thing for me to move on and feel okay. I wish him the absolute best while I work to make myself better and find someone for me.

Now that I've got the dumb life update out of the way, I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter and woah! Almost at a 100 favs AND followers. Really excited to get there and just be like, 'wow, my writing isn't that bad then!'

FIFTY-TWO - Insecurities

11 Days Until The Wedding

Night finally fell over the Kingdom of Clarines as everyone begins to act accordingly to the time of day.

The castle quiets down more than it usually is, with staff now cleaning up and preparing for the next day. Chefs cleaning their stations, including the dishes and utensils used for the day. Maidens cleaning up specs of dust from the luxurious vases and porcelain floors of the castle. Cotton towels and silk sheets were being cleaned and heated straight for the next days use, as every night had gone in the castle.

Kiki was surprised to find herself weary early in the night. She had been doing her usual duty of watching the Prince as he worked and ensuring that Mitsuhide hadn't been bothering too much about his 'paper people' myth. But today, she felt an intense exhaustion wash over her. She didn't know why, but Kiki was not a fan of the feeling.

"Kiki?" Mitsuhide sounded at her right. She lifted her eyebrow towards him, her azure eyes towards the Prince but still seeming to drop after each moment she'd lift them back up. "Are you feeling unwell?"

Of course Mitsuhide caught on. Kiki had always known that he pays very close attention to her, regardless of whatever they were doing. She could swear that he knew more about her than she knew herself. It's scary almost. "I'm fine. How are you fairing?"

"I was asking about you," Mitsuhide let out through a sigh.

"And now I'm asking you," Kiki repeats, mentally gluing her eyelids open, "are you unwell?"

"Kiki…" Mitsuhide murmured under his breath, officially facing her with curious, worried eyes. Zen had lent an ear to the situation as well, but has yet to unstick his eyes from his delayed (and neglected) work. "Are you tired?"

"I'm fine," Kiki replies curtly, refusing to leave her sights on Zen.

Mitsuhide sighs. He knows how stubborn Kiki can be, but not like this. But it also wasn't often that she'd be worn out like this. She would act much more stern and stone faced when something had concerned her, but physically unwellness was something she couldn't cover.

He could see it in her eyes even. The sudden dullness in her eyes as she stared up at Zen was heartbreaking. The drooping of her eyelids was slow enough to see it before she reeled them back up. Even her bottom lip had been going chalky, even though Kiki had always taken care of herself and despised her lips being chapped. And yes, Mitsuhide understood these are details are far too specified for the average observer, but he stared at this woman a lot.

So much so that he knows if even the most subtle change has happened.

"Zen," Mitsuhide begins, his boots clinking quietly as he walks towards his desk. Zen parts his eyes from the document and looks up at his brown dews. "Please dismiss Kiki for the night. I think I can attend you on my own tonight."

"Mitsuhide-" Kiki begins to protest, but quickly felt dizzy as she raised her arm to halt him. She suddenly saw triple and closed her eyes, only to lose her balance from the pitch darkness of loss sight. But she also hadn't been surprised to feel Mitsuhide's protective arms catch her before her face met the floor.

"This 'dispute,'" Mitsuhide mumbles quietly, "is adjourned."

Kiki's eyes widen, her hands tightening on Mitsuhide's forearm as she settles her knees on the floor. She sits herself up properly, keeping her grip on Mitsuhide as she sits calmly. Her ears listen to Zen rise from his desk and join the scene, quickly kneeling by her while staring at her face curiously. Kiki's face remains stiff.

"Kiki, what happened today?" Zen asks quietly. "You're never like this. What's made you so unwell?"

She shakes her head.

It's all in my head, Kiki thinks. She has heard about getting physically sick from over thinking or thinking things that are wrong or tickle harshly at ones guilty conscious. Shirayuki has mentioned it to her once, but she knows that recalling such a moment would take much thought and her mind is currently being completely used up.

"Some rest will probably do me good," Kiki begins quietly, looking up at Mitsuhide with a small smile. "You're right."

With assistance from Mitsuhide, she stands up once more. Zen mirrors and looks at Kiki, observing her well to confirm that she truly does look a bit ill. But Kiki gives him a smile and a smooth bow, murmuring a 'sleep well, Zen.' But Zen placed his hand on her shoulder, allowing her to rise quickly after.

"Make sure to sleep well," Zen says quietly with a grin, "I expect to see you tomorrow morning good and well."

"You will." Kiki smirks. Zen and Mitsuhide knew she doesn't like to be babied or treated with caution or immense care. It makes her feel small and delicate, two things that truly aren't her.

Zen dismisses himself back to his desk, slow enough to allow Kiki and Mitsuhide exchange a warm embrace.

Mitsuhide always held her tightly whenever she stubbornly opened her arms to him and waited. His protecting arms would hold her tightly, feeling his fingers spread as if to protect as much of her back as he could. Kiki always gently held onto him, but due to her extreme fatigue, she's found herself gripping for dear life. Mitsuhide noticed this and frowned, realizing he couldn't let her take herself back to her room.

"Zen," Mitsuhide begins quietly, "might I have permission to walk Kiki back to her room?"

"That's not needed-"

"Permission granted," Zen quickly emitted, returning to his desk with no more words to spew. Kiki wasn't even mad at Zen, but glared up at Mitsuhide for feeling the need to walk her back to her room. But she knew fighting it wouldn't help anything so she silently wrapped an arm around his bicep and allowed him to lead the way. In which Mitsuhide did so contently.


"You really didn't have to walk me back to my quarters, Mitsuhide."

There the two aids were, standing in front of Kiki's door as she still held onto Mitsuhide. She felt the fatigue swarm her body like a poison, knowing that she definitely needed rest.

"I know," Mitsuhide agreed with a smile. "I wanted to, though." Kiki rolls her eyes but allows a small smile to shape her lips, having Mitsuhide hold her forearms firmly. He really didn't want her falling while they're right outside her room. "Let's get you inside, yes?"

Kiki nods, revealing a key to open her door and allowed the two inside. Mitsuhide closes the door behind them as Kiki unbuckles her belt and tosses her sword with her sheith to the floor. He keeps his eyes on the oak door, knowing that Kiki is soon to strip off her armor and get a white gown to swallow her body.

This was a routine with these two whenever Kiki allowed him to walk her back (which was surprisingly more frequent than people would think). She'd strip off her armor while he was present in the room, knowing that Mitsuhide was far too shy and respectful to look. But he also didn't want to leave the room yet until Kiki was settled in and completely safe. Especially now when she's sick and could potentially fall and send herself into a concussion.

Goosebumps rose in her supple, pale skin, not even fazed that she's essentially exposed while a man is present in the room. Her bare feet treaded the floor quietly, opening her creaking closet to find a silk gown. She immediately brings it out and pulls the opening down her head. She pushes her arms through the sleeves and allows the skirt of the gown to flow down. Kiki then raises her hand up to her hair and removes the hair tie from her hair and lets the blonde locks fall on her shoulders.

"I've never seen you this sick before, Kiki," Mitsuhide breaks the silence. "It's unlike you to not take care of yourself." Kiki sits on the edge of her bed, her hands curling tightly around her sheets. "But some illnesses could truly be out of your hands."

"It's nothing physical," Kiki mumbles as she pats the bed beside her. Mitsuhide turns around and faces her, cheeks drowning in a pink hue as he joins her on the bed. Indigo eyes lock with hazel as Kiki snakes her hand gently on Mitsuhide's. "I've been overthinking a little too much, to the point where I've thought up sickening conclusions."

"Sickening conclusions?" Mitsuhide raises his eyebrows, genuinely concerned about what's going about Kiki's head. She looks away right then and reels her hand, allowing her indigo orbs to wander about her intertwining fingers.

"I have been thinking a lot about Zen and his engagement," Kiki begins quietly. "And with the way it has been brought up, it scares me to think that it might happen to me." She then turns over to Mitsuhide, worry in her eyes, "to us."

Mitsuhide allowed this to spin about his mind but Kiki continued, "we both know my father only wants one person for me and I'm genuinely terrified he'll try something to guilt me into it."

"Kiki." Mitsuhide quickly places his hand on her head, having her cheeks heat up with ease. She faces him, only to see a warm smile with sparkling brown eyes greeting her. "I'm not worried about that because I know you. You'd never allow someone to restrict you or make your choices for you, even if it were your own father. You've avoided him for so long and done the things that make you happy and find fulfillment in life."

"But what if he does something monstrous?"

"The worst thing he could do is try to revoke your right to be heiress of your family," Mitsuhide begins, "but that's not possible… or even legal." Kiki giggles as Mitsuhide gently rubs her head. "So don't worry about that, okay? Nobody is taking you away from me."

Kiki's heart felt warm once more. It was moments like this she cherished the moments, even though she always prevented them. She never liked being caught in moments like this, where she's shy, flustered, and ever so vulnerable. But she had never minded it with Mitsuhide- hence why he is the only one for her.

"I should get some sleep," Kiki mumbled, feeling real exhaustion actually strike her. "I feel much better, thank you." She felt much better with Mitsuhide giving her such comforting, genuine words. Mitsuhide smiles, nodding in agreement.

But before he reels his touch from her, Mitsuhide leans her towards him and presses his lips on Kiki's forehead. He bestows a gentle kiss, one that sends her heart a blaze as he quickly rises from the bed to allow his lady to lay down. He blows out all of the lit candles and torches for her, the last one waiting by the door. With one hand on the doorknob, Mitsuhide turns to see Kiki snuggled in her silky sheets and cotton quilts.

"Sleep well, Lady Seiran," Mitsuhide says with a smirk, having Kiki groan.

"Go away already, Sir Rouen," Kiki grumbles, turning to look away from him as he chuckles. Mitsuhide then realized something and found himself slightly panicked.

"Kiki, before I go," Mitsuhide began, "when are we to tell Zen about Shirayuki's plan to tag along with Obi for his assignment?"

"Tomorrow," Kiki said without hesitation. Mitsuhide raised his eyebrows right then, skeptical of how quickly she had replied. She has a plan, he thinks but doesn't bother to make her elaborate. He turns his heel, blows out the last source of light in the room and exits to allow Kiki to fall into a deep (and likely thought-filled) slumber.


"Do you think this is enough, Obi? Or do you reckon I'd be needing more?"

In Shirayuki's room resided Obi and his lady, the two finally relaxing after doing so much work. Rather, Shirayuki doing her work as an herbalist and Obi swallowing the information she spews at him as she works. But that's also not as concrete.

Obi had spent the entire day thinking about meeting Shirayuki's father in a different light. This has become more than just a simple request- it's now a mission for Obi. He has to think about this new impression and hoping that Shirayuki's father will be okay if she settled for a rapscallion, street-mutt like himself. It's very harsh on his mind to be the downgrade from a Prince to an ex-criminal.

"Obi?"

Does he even remember me? Obi thinks, recalling how quick he was to seclude himself mentally after saving Shirayuki and going to the Mountain Lions' home. He just drank and shared a few laughs with Mitsuhide and Kiki while Zen had talked a great deal with Shirayuki's father. This is making Obi nervous. Not only recalling these details and knowing he is to confront this sooner than later, but the fact that he's come to this level of overthinking.

"Obi?"

Will I even be good enough for her in the years to come? Obi now wonders, his brain far into the future. He prays he'll have suffice money to get them a house, more than plenty of food, and be strong enough to protect her for life. And then eventually, Shirayuki would want more than just them 2 in the house. What am I to do when Shirayuki asks for us to… do that?

"Obi!"

"Huh?" Obi shook his head, clearly very sunk in his thoughts with Shirayuki fishing him out. He looks over to her from her bed, seeing as she had her hands on her hips with green eyes full of curiosity. "I'm sorry Mistress, I got stuck in my head for a minute. Did you ask something of me?"

"Never mind that," Shirayuki dismisses as she walks closer to him, "what's on your mind, Obi?"

Obi felt his skin chill immediately, emerald eyes threatening to stop his heart. But, at the same time, they were so warm and endearing that his own amber eyes softened. "A few things- nothing to concern yourself with."

Shirayuki sighed, turning around to pull the knot of the handknit bag she's to bring full of whatever she believes she needs for a day trip. She leans it against her closet and then finds herself sitting beside Obi. She quickly scoops his left hand and sandwiched it between both of hers that are ever so small and smooth.

Obi couldn't help but grin when he raises his head to meet her eyes. Her red locks were wet and dark, with water of her washed hair dripping from the ends. She had a dandelion-colored gown, with a cute pearl collar around her neck. Her cheeks were still rosy from her bath, with her nose and lips matching.

"If I'm being honest," Obi begins with a harsh gulp, "I'm just a little nervous to meet your father, Miss."

Shirayuki couldn't help but giggle, causing Obi to look away shyly with shame. But she was quick to tug at his arm, "Obi, there's nothing to be nervous about."

"Miss…"

"He's going to love you," Shirayuki says warmly. "He probably already does, seeing your display of immense bravery when you came and saved me."

"I didn't save you," Obi downplays, "that was all Master."

"Obi, I'm not dumb," Shirayuki insisted. "You freed me from Umihebi's hold and distracted them while I was taken to safety." Obi raises a brow, noticing that she purposely left any mention of Zen's assistance. But he quickly smiles warmly, his heart floating from how Shirayuki recalls such details. It always helps him realize he's more than what he makes himself out to be.

"Miss, I know you're trying to reassure me," Obi says, his smile slowly fading. "And I appreciate it- I really do. But it's hard knowing I'll have to amount to so much since my lover used to be lovers with a Prince. It's difficult knowing I'll never be your Prince Charming or even your knight in shining armor. As far as I know, I was born on dirt beneath the daunting shadows of trees and criminals."

Shirayuki studied her lovers face, seeing the light that was once in his eyes dwindle. His pupils didn't unlock from hers, but she could tell the discomfort in looking at her. Her lips were agape, somewhat shocked to realize that these were the insecurities that taunted Obi's mind. An inadequacy complex that has valid reason to exist in Obi's mind and heart. But she'd rather that not exist.

"Obi."

Right then, Shirayuki cups Obi's cheeks and pulls him towards her. His lips connected with hers, having Obi emit a 'hmph!' sound in surprise before melting in the moment. He felt Shirayuki's cool tongue swipe along his bottom lip, taking him by more surprise. She nibbled feverishly at his bottom lip while Obi focused on her top.

Shirayuki's arms snake down his neck, past his shoulders and around his neck, keep him close to keep the passionate kiss going. But Obi felt her tugging him down, forcing him to lean closer and use his hands to keep himself up. Before the two knew it, Shirayuki found herself laying down on the bed with Obi on top but still kept up by his arms.

Obi can't even recall the conversation they were just having as he greedily tugged at her lips. The saccharine of her tongue, the warmth of her supple lips- Obi was defenseless. His arms and legs felt like jelly as he struggled to pace his breathing. Being this intimate with his lover, especially in the privacy of a bedroom (her bedroom, mind you), was riling him up in ways he's never felt before. But once he felt something twitch in his trousers, he knew he'd have to wrap this up.

"Miss." Obi breathes as soon as he detaches his lips from hers. He looks down at her, his Mistress completely flushed with her chest heaving harshly. Her eyes open wide, those emerald orbs stabbing his heart with arrows of adoration and deep infatuation. Shirayuki's red hair was splayed all about her pillow, seeing it darken from the dampness. "W-we should stop here…"

Shirayuki nods rapidly, "g-good idea!"

The two calm themselves as Obi stands up to blow out the lights. Shirayuki lays down on the bed properly, her body completely swallowed by her quilt. She watches her lover, though, as he removes the usual tunic to remain in just his black undershirt and gray pants. As he goes to join her, Shirayuki couldn't help but feel somewhat bad for Obi.

"Obi," Shirayuki starts as the two get swallowed by the dark, "how do you usually sleep when you're in your quarters?"

Obi raises his eyebrow as he reaches her window and opens the curtains to allow the moonlight to enter, "what do you mean?"

"I mean," Shirayuki quiets down, "how do you dress when you're alone in your quarters for bed?"

Obi blushes a little but lays down beside his lover, hands behind his head while his ambar eyes curiously stared at the ceiling. "W-well, I'm usually without a shirt and pants… if you're asking about my sleep attire."

"Mm, I am." Shirayuki moves closer to Obi, closing all space between them. She snuggles her head on his shoulder, with one arm usually resting on his chest. Obi would never admit it, but he loved it when she cuddled him like this. "I know you don't want to as you'd feel uncomfortable or disrespectful but I want you to know that I'm okay with you sleeping in your preferred attire."

"I-I…" Obi stuttered, biting his tongue. He sometimes hated how candid this woman was, seeing as she manages to catch him by surprise most, if not, all the time. "Th-thank you, Mistress. I'm sure with time, I'll be able to do so."

Shirayuki smiles at this and closes her eyes, "goodnight then, Obi."

"Goodnight, Mistress." Obi plants a small kiss on the top of her wet hair before closing his eyes as well.

"Oh, and Obi?"

"Yes?"

"It's not hard to amount to a Prince when you're my King," Shirayuki whispers. "You're just uncrowned, and I think I like it that way."