It's been a long time... Sorry for the wait. My husband is doing better, but he still needs more physical and occupational therapy. We're semi-moved in to my grandmother's old house, and my mother is staying with us until she's able to move into the home we first lived in (we're moving out of our second home). The switch is due to accessibility issues. It's all a confusing jumble of stuff for the moment.

Chapter 53 ~ Cross and Kanda are the Same?!

Alice sat with her fiancé, his son, and the teen's fiancé for a while before asking Allen if he'd watch over her 'boys' while she went home to get a few things taken care of. He assured her that he would and that he'd call her if anything happened. She felt confident that he was a man of his word but was still reluctant to leave. After several goodbyes and much reassurance from the youth, she successfully left for home.

Allen struggled to ignore his growling stomach, but he silently prayed that Kanda would wake up soon. No such luck, as the Japanese beauty stirred briefly, only to turn and nuzzle his face into the boy's stomach and immediately go back to sleep. The musician sighed longingly as visions of mitarashi dango danced through his head. It didn't matter though; he could never leave his Yuu's side for something as unimportant as his own needs, especially given the circumstances.


Cross woke with a start; he didn't remember falling asleep. He lifted his head off Tyki's shoulder and was relieved to find the others either reading or sleeping. It would never do for those he barely knew to see him in such a 'feminine' position. He was strong; he was proud; he certainly did not fall asleep snuggling in his boyfriend's lap! When did he even get on his lover's lap?!

"It's alright, pet. You were dozing so I took the opportunity to hold you. They didn't say a word, didn't even bat an eye. None of them will accuse you of being 'feminine.'"

"Who said I was worried about that?!"

"I did, and don't you even try arguing about it. I know the way you think."

"Fine, you bloody bastard... So, what am I thinking now?"

"Well, you expect a wake-up kiss, but you also want to sneak in Tiedoll's room to check on the boys." Tyki gently pressed his lips to Cross's.

"Mmm, definitely something I've come to expect, and, yes, I do want to check on them. I think you might be psychic."

"I think it's a normal part of being in a serious relationship. We're so close that it's only natural to know the other's thoughts and feelings."

Cross frowned and looked at his watch. "Damn! It's been longer than I thought. I bet the brat hasn't eaten a bloody thing! I'll just pop in to check." Cross quickly slid from Tyki's lap and hurried to Tiedoll's room, conveniently ignoring Tyki's comment on their relationship.

'You can avoid the topic all you like, pet, but it doesn't make it untrue.' Tyki thought, but he still felt bitterness in his heart over Cross refusing to acknowledge the close bond they'd formed.


Allen heard the door opening and turned to see who it was; he glared when he saw his uncle.

"What the bloody fuck are you doing in here?! Leave us!" he growled darkly.

"Checking to see if you've had anything to eat, and, no, I'm not leaving."

"Just because I needed your help to make all the necessary travel arrangements on such short notice absolutely does not mean I've forgotten about earlier. Now get out before Yuu wakes up!" he hissed out between clenched teeth.

"That's part of why I'm in here. I want to speak to the both of you, but I don't want others overhearing."

"This better be seriously important or I'm having your sorry arse deported!"

"Quite important. Probably the most important thing you're ever going to hear me say."

"Hmm, interesting, but you'll have to wait until Yuu wakes up. I'm not allowing you to distress him any more than you've done already."

"Agreed."

"I'm warning you... Wait! What?!"

"I'm agreeing with you, shrimp. The boy has been through enough, and I'm sorry for the way I've treated him. I think you'll understand my behavior once I've told you the truth."

"The truth?! So you've been lying to us?! About what?!"

"More omitting certain details than actually lying. Now hush, before you end up waking your lover."

"Too fucking late..." Kanda groused as he rolled over to scowl at Cross. "Though it was your big mouth I heard first, not my Moyashi's."

"Of course it was. Even if it wasn't, you'd never admit it."

"Did you come in here just to bitch me out more, or did you fucking mean it when you said you had to tell us something?"

"Someone doesn't wake up well..."

Allen interceded before things could get out-of-hand. "Cross, you're only making yourself look worse. Now get on with it, or I will make good on my promise to deport you."

"You said you'd have him deported? For me?! Aren, I think that's one of the sweetest things I've ever heard!"

"And if need be, I'll certainly see it done. I'll have Mary deal with him for us."

"Fuck, that's hot!" He sat up and pulled Allen into a heated battle of tongues.

"Ahem... Can we continue?"

They broke their passionate kiss to glare at Cross, who actually flinched a little under the intensity of their anger towards him. Kanda pulled Allen onto his lap, the younger happily curling up in his arms.

"You have one chance to impress me, fuck-face. If you fail, I'm telling Tyki you came on to me..."

"To us... and then I'll call Mary."

"Alright, alright... Shite you two are brilliant at creating threats. I'm impre -"

"Not threats: promises." Allen interrupted.

"Right. Then I'll just speak my piece and hope you accept it for the truth it is." Cross cleared his throat nervously before continuing. "As you're well aware, I was known as a 'man-whore' even back in my years in the military. I fully admit that it's true, and I've made no attempts to change until I met Tyki. Thing is, I wasn't always that way. When I was barely older than you are now, I was engaged myself, to a perfect young lady. Maria was beautiful, intelligent, charming, tender, kind..." His eyes watered as he drifted into his memories. "She... she had the loveliest voice... and a prom... promising career in the opera. Everything was perfect." He laughed bitterly. "So naturally it couldn't last... One night we were heading to a ball, one of The Arc's, when... when." Cross broke down, sobbing openly.

Allen and Kanda stared at the man, completely speechless as he let them see the full extent of his grief.

When he got his emotions under control again, he continued. "Pardon me. So what happened when we... when we were on the way to the ball... Rather than a limo, I chose to drive us. Had a nice car, very sporty... Anyway, it had been raining earlier, but it... it stopped before we left. I raced along, showing off, never con... considering the lane might still be wet. I took a curve far too fast, and... and." Cross lost himself in his past again, crying too hard to continue.

The couple looked at each other, both aware now of where Cross's story was headed. An unspoken agreement passed between them, and Kanda broke the silence.

"And she died, right in front of you. A part of you died, too, as you looked on, helpless. You couldn't do anything to save her, even though you wanted to... needed to. You were terrified, but you were powerless to save him... uh, I mean her. It broke something inside of you. You were probably physically injured, too, and that's what kept you from being able to help. He... er, she would've died anyway, but you couldn't believe that. Your mind kept screaming 'What if?' and you couldn't let it go. Couldn't forgive yourself. You were broken by it and found ways to punish yourself. I hurt myself by cutting and driving people away, isolating myself. For you, it was drinking and sleeping around. Different people, different events, but we both hurt ourselves because of the guilt. Because we lived while they died. So while nobody can truly feel what someone else feels, I come damn close to it, and that's why you hate me. You look at me and see yourself, see her dying all over again."

Cross didn't know exactly when, but his tears stopped while Kanda spoke. The ravenette was 100% correct, even in what he saw when he looked at the boy. It was almost eerie, how perfectly Kanda finished his tale.

When he saw the recognition in Cross's eyes, Kanda smiled sadly. "Seems to me that we're both 'bloody mental.' The difference is that I've learned to love again. Aren made me believe I was worth something."

"You're worth everything, Yuu." Allen placed a loving kiss on Kanda's collarbone.

"You, too, kichona." accompanied by a kiss to the teen's crown of white hair. "You know, with the way he treats you, how he's obviously arse-over-tits for you, Tyki could save you from yourself if you let him. He loves you, you big dumb bastard. Quit being so fucking scared of commitment and answer him when he brings up your relationship! You're gonna lose your chance at redemption if you keep acting like you do! Shit!"

Cross stared at him in stunned silence before asking, "So do we have a truce? I'll try not to insult you and you'll help me as I try to accept I deserve his love?"

"Yes. Now get out there and tell Tyki what you told us. It'll help if he knows the truth."

"It feels odd to say this, but, thank you, Kanda. Oh, and you both need to eat something, especially you, midget." He grinned at Allen.

"Sod off, dick waffle!"

"Heh, love you, too." and he left to speak with Tyki.


Allen burst into a giggling fit the instant Cross closed the door. He felt like he'd been holding it back forever. Kanda sat there, eyebrow raised, while his Moyashi laughed himself breathless.

"Do I even want to know?" he asked when his fiancé finally grew silent.

"Pardon, love, but I just couldn't hold it in once Cross left."

"I don't get it. What was so funny?"

"You said 'arse-over-tits.' I'm so proud of you! Keep it up, and one day you'll sound like a real Brit!"

"Heh, I did, didn't I? I didn't even notice it when I said it. You're corrupting me, my little kitten."

"Teaching you proper English is not corrupting you! Besides, you corrupted me first!"

"How? I didn't do anything."

"Oh, really? So you didn't take my innocence and teach me some very naughty, very fun things?"

"Che. You loved every minute of it."

"Absolutely, but it still counts as corruption."

"Whatever. Let's go find some food before you get sick."

"Bah! That was a poor attempt at changing the subject." Allen's stomach chose that moment to loudly protest its emptiness. "But I might be a little peckish." His stomach growled louder. "Okay, so I'm positively famished. What are the odds of getting some dango?"

"If she hasn't already brought some, Lena can make it in no time."

"Excellent! But before we go out there, I have to ask one more thing."

"And?"

"Are you feeling okay? I mean, your father is so ill, and thanks to Cross, you had to relive Alma's death. I just want to make sure you can handle being surrounded by everyone right now."

"Honestly? No, I'm not okay. I really don't want to go out there, but I will. We need to eat and I know they're all worried about me. I'll make it as long as you're by my side."

"Forever, my love."

Kanda picked up Allen's left hand and kissed his engagement ring. "Forever."


This chapter is dedicated to the Supreme Court for ruling in favor of marriage equality, and to all the couples that can finally have their happily-ever-after.

I went on a writing spree today so I could post this on the same day as this historic moment ;)

Unfortunately, I'm roughly 1/2 hour late. I blame the old tablet I'm using since my newer one died; it's pretty temperamental.