"Kioni!" Zuko called in surprise as she stood and left the box without a word. "Wait!" But it was too late - she'd already left the box. By the time the rest of them made it outside, she was nowhere in sight.
Groaning with frustration, Zuko slid down the side of the wall and pulled his hood up. He knew he was sulking, and he didn't care. This play sucked.
"You know, it seems like every time there's a big fight, you guys barely make it out alive," Suki commented. "I mean, you guys lose a lot."
"You're one to talk, Suki," Sokka retorted. "Didn't Azula take you captive? Oh, that's right - she did!" Sokka leaned into Suki's space, and the Kyoshi Warrior's expression darkened.
"Are you trying to get on my bad side?"
"I'm just saying!"
"Has anyone seen where Aang is?" Katara asked, walking up to them.
"He left to get me Fire Gummies like ten minutes ago!" Sokka complanined. "And I'm still waiting!"
"I'm gonna check outside," Katara said, looking worried, and walked off.
"Wheeeee!" A little kid in an Avatar costume came running out of the box, his cape flying behind him. Zuko watched him go, his scowl pulling further down.
"Suki, what are the chances you can get me backstage?" Sokka asked. "I got some jokes I want to give to the actor me."
"I'm an elite warrior who's trained for many years in the art of stealth," Suki said, her eyes intense. She grinned. "I think I can get you backstage!" The two left, and beside Zuko, Toph threw her hands in the air.
"Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters!" she said. "I mean, even you seem more down than usual. And that's saying something."
"You don't get it," Zuko replied. "It's different for you. You get a muscly version of you taking down ten bad guys at once and making sassy remarks."
"Yeah, that's pretty great," she grinned.
Zuko looked down again. "But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life and shoves them back in my face. My uncle... he's always been on my side. Even when things were bad, he was there for me. And so was Kioni. She believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. They taught me so much, and how do I repay them? With knives in their backs. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself."
Toph slid down on the wall next to him. "But Kioni forgave you. And you have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have."
"How do you know?"
"Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you," Toph replied.
Hope flared in Zuko's chest. He flipped his hood back, smiling slightly. "Really?"
"Yeah, and it was kind of annoying."
The smile drooped a little. "Oh, sorry."
"But it was also very sweet." Toph smiled. "All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path and see the light. And now you're here with us. You found Kioni again and brought her back. I think he'd be proud."
She drew her arm back and socked him in the arm. "Ow!" Zuko cried, flinching back. "What was that for?"
"That's how I show affection," she smirked.
The same kid from before ran by, this time stopping in front of the two. "Your Zuko costume's pretty good, but your scar's on the wrong side," he said, pointing to his own face before taking off.
Irritation flashed, and Zuko flipped his hood up. "The scar's not on the wrong side!" he shouted after the boy. He turned back to Toph, who had a faint look of amusement on her face, as if she was trying not to laugh.
"Even if you're right... I can't go back and undo what I did," he said sadly. "What happened in Ba Sing Se will be with me forever. You must have felt how it affected Kioni. I did that to her."
Toph was quiet for a moment. "I don't think she's upset for the reasons you think."
"She's upset because she told me she loved me and I threw it back in her face," Zuko replied, more bitter than Toph had ever heard him. "Because she was in prison because of me and because I ruined her life. I don't know if I can ever fix that."
"Oh wow," Toph said, her eyebrows raised. "You have no idea, do you?"
"What? What does that mean?"
Toph rolled her eyes. "She's out on the balcony by the west exit. Go talk to her."
"I doubt she wants to talk to me."
She snorted at that. "Don't be a wuss, Zuko." With that, she punched him again and stood, walking back into the box.
The moon was full, bathing the balcony in a beautiful silvery glow. I stood at the edge, my hands clenching the railing. The waves crashed out in the ocean as I tried to calm myself down.
"Kioni?"
Oh fantastic. I'd been so preoccupied in my thoughts that I hadn't heard anyone come up behind me. I turned and saw Zuko standing there, his hood down and a concerned expression on his face. He walked towards me, and I bit my lip, not quite meeting his eye.
He paused. "Look... I have no idea how they knew about all that. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to see that."
I bristled a little at that. "What, so you think I can't handle it?" I snapped, turning back to the ocean.
"No, no, that's not-" Zuko backtracked, and I instantly felt guilty. I cut him off with a sigh, rubbing my temples.
"No, I didn't mean- I'm sorry, that was unfair," I said. "It's not your fault. I'm just worked up." He came up next to me so we were standing side by side and looking over the water. "I hate this play."
"Join the club," Zuko muttered, and the corner of my mouth lifted at that. We were silent for a few minutes, just listening to the waves before he spoke again. "Are you sure you're okay? You seemed, I don't know, particularly upset."
My hands clenched the railings, but I didn't reply. "You know it's not real," Zuko continued when I didn't answer. He stepped closer and faced me. "It's just a stupid play. I mean, none of those portrayals are actually accurate."
"Aren't they?" I bit out. "I mean, let's face it - Sokka does tell poor jokes. Katara can get emotional and preachy, and Aang can be a little feminine at times. Toph is just herself on stage. And come on, you can be serious at times. Sure, the characters are super exaggerated, but they're all based on something. So what am I supposed to think?"
"What-" Zuko seemed taken aback by my outburst. "Yours isn't based on anything! None of that stuff actually happened-" I fixed him with a look and he blushed. "-okay, but not like that, you know what I mean-"
"It's humiliating," I cried, cutting him off. To my horror, I felt the backs of my eyes pinch. "To see everything I've worked so hard to become reduced to-" I flapped my hand incoherently.
"But you know that's not who you are," he said, still sounding confused at why I was so upset. "Why does it even matter?"
"It does matter," I muttered, feeling hot shame crawl up the back of my neck. I swiped at my eyes, and I heard Zuko inhale. "No, I'm fi-" I started, but the look of shock and sorrow on his face stopped me.
"What is this really about?" he asked so gently that I almost broke down.
"It does matter," I repeated, my voice shaking, reluctant to admit why I was so upset. "It matters because your whole nation thinks the only conceivable reason you would even look at me is if I was that. It matters because it makes me look pathetic and useless and stupid. And, to be honest, Zuko, that's ... exactly how I felt after Ba Sing Se."
It was the first time I had admitted it to him. Zuko just looked dumbfounded. "You don't understand. Your portrayal is awful, yes, but at least you know you've changed. You know it's not true anymore. You don't understand how it feels to see..." my voice faltered and I looked down. "... to see your worst fears confirmed right in front of you."
My throat was burning and I turned away, my eyes hot and wet. For the longest time, Zuko was silent. "You think..." he started, sounding almost dazed. "Oh Agni, you think what that actor said on stage was actually true."
I didn't answer. "Kioni." Zuko sounded so distressed that I glanced over. His face was drawn with misery and my eyes widened. "Nothing... nothing that actor said on stage was even close to the truth. I didn't even consider that you would think that because it's so far from the truth."
I looked away again then, feeling even more foolish and insecure. "Look at me," Zuko said gently, touching my shoulder. Reluctantly, I looked back up. His face was so sincere that it took my breath away for a moment. "This play is so full of Fire Nation propaganda that they're shoving it down our throats. But you have to know, Kioni, I need you to know that that's not how I see you. That's not how I've ever seen you.
"You are amazing," he said softly, and my heart stuttered. "You are smart and kind and caring and capable and so, so strong. Yes, you are b-beautiful and I'm not saying I don't..." Zuko trailed off a little here, stammering and turning pink. "... that's not w-why I liked you. I liked you because you aren't afraid to call me out, and because you see things in me that no one else does. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to be the best version of myself," he finished, looking at me so earnestly.
I didn't have anything to say to that. This indescribable feeling rose up in me and I couldn't do anything but step forward and embrace him. I buried my face in his shoulder and clutched the back of his shirt with my hands. Zuko tensed at first, but then relaxed, wrapping his arms around my back and holding me close.
It was a very, very good hug, the kind that lasts for ages and ages but nobody wants to let go. I could feel his chest rising and falling under mine and for the first time in a long while, I felt at peace. "Thank you," I murmured, and he squeezed me gently in response, his breath whispering at edge of my ear, tickling the hair there. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he whispered in return. I could feel his heart beating fast; I'm sure mine was too. His fingers curled at the edge of my top and the heat of his hands was secure and comforting. I felt so warm, and I couldn't tell if the feeling was coming off Zuko or from within myself.
I pulled away but didn't relax my hold on him. Zuko looked down at me, and it dawned on me how close our faces were. I made this realization in a way that was both hypersensitive and detached at the same time. It was as if I was watching the scene from outside my body but every nerve was aware of the situation.
I looked up into his eyes, which were confused but hopeful and not at all unwilling. It would have been so easy to reach up and just kiss him. A big part of me really wanted to do it. I could even see myself leaning up and pressing my lips to his, simple as that. He was so close and I felt so warm and I could have just...
...But this inexplicable fear slithered up into my chest and settled there, blocking my throat. I froze in his arms, not moving, and something in Zuko's expression changed. He unwound his arms, embarrassed, and we stepped away from each other. Zuko scratched the back of his neck, blushing.
"Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to-" he started, and I felt even more awful and confused.
"No, you didn't-" I stammered out, also red, and we both just kind of stared at each other for a second. "Uh, I'm sorry. Thank you... thank you for what you said." My voice softened.
"Of course." The moment was gone, shattered by the awkwardness of the situation and my own uncertainty. "We should get back for the third act."
"Right," I cleared my throat, and Zuko gestured for me to lead the way. "Right," I muttered again under my breath, walking out of the balcony and back into the theater.
We ran into Aang just outside the theater door, looking less than pleased. "Hey," I said, somewhat surprised, as Aang looked up at me from under his hat, his brows drawn. "You okay?"
"Fine," he muttered, stepping passed us and into the box. I glanced at Zuko, but he just shrugged.
The third act had already started, so Zuko and I sat back down in the first row while Aang sat in the back with Sokka and Suki. Sokka leaned over and whispered, "Here's what you missed: we went to the Fire Nation, and Aang got better, and Katara was the Painted Lady and I got a sword, and I think Combustion Man died. Ooh look, I think the invasion's about to start! Shhh!"
I rolled my eyes and turned back to the stage. Stage Aang and Stage Katara were standing on top of what looked like a giant metal fish. "I just want you to know, Aang, that I'll always love you," Stage Katara proclaimed. "Like a brother!"
"I wouldn't want it any other way!" Stage Aang chirped, and the two shook hands vigorously before Stage Aang leapt off stage with a tiny glider in hand. I cringed in my seat. Yikes.
Stage Sokka and Stage Toph climbed out of a hole in the metal fish and stood next to Stage Katara. "Hey, Toph," Stage Sokka said, sounding like he was going to say something funny. "Would you say you and Aang have a... rocky relationship?"
The audience laughed, but Sokka just about lost it in the back. He cackled at the top of his lungs, grabbed Suki and shook her, before lunging forward and grabbing my shoulder in a death grip. "Ow!" I protested.
"I told him to say that!" he said gleefully.
"I hope everyone's ready for the invasion!" Stage Sokka said. "Slap-a-pow!" Judging by the looks on the other actors' faces, that was another improvised line. The audience seemed to love it though, Sokka in particular.
The scene changed to what looked like the throne room in the Fire Nation palace. "We finally made it to the Royal Palace!" Stage Aang cried. Ah, yep, there it was. Return of the needless exposition. "But no one's home!"
"Actually, I'm home!" We all looked as Stage Zuko walked onstage, and I had to bite my lip to stop from snickering at his hair. "And I want to join you!"
"My hair doesn't look like that!" Zuko hissed under his breath, gesturing forward. "He looks like a boarcupine!"
"I guess we have no choice," Stage Sokka, gesturing him along. "Come on!" The five ran off stage, and my Zuko's scowl grew.
"It was not that easy," he muttered under his breath.
"Well, I guess that's it," Sokka said, standing up and stretching. "The play's caught up to the present now."
"Wait, the play's not over," Suki said, pulling him back down.
"But it is over," Sokka said. A mysterious look crossed his face. "Unless... this is the future!"
Just then, a tall figure with a long beard who was supposed to represent Ozai stepped out from the throne. "With the energy harnessed from that comet," he pointed to a paper-mache comet making its way across the top of the stage, "no one will be able to stop the Fire Nation!"
"Father!" Stage Azula ran forward. "Zuko and the Avatar are at the palace! They are trying to stop you!"
"Who writes these lines?" I wondered aloud.
"You take care of Zuko!" Stage Ozai cried. "I will handle the Avatar myself!" In a blast of smoke, he disappeared, and Stage Zuko and Stage Aang ran onstage.
"Aang!" Stage Zuko shouted. "You'll find the Fire Lord! I'll hold her off!" Stage Aang flew off.
"You are no longer my brother!" Stage Azula yelled back. "You are the enemy!" My Zuko drew back into his seat.
"No, I am the rightful heir to the throne!" Stage Zuko bellowed.
"We'll see," Stage Azula replied, smirking. With that, the two began their complicated ribbon-dance... er, firebending battle. Stage Azula spun around and threw out her hand, causing several large flames to pop up in the space between her and Stage Zuko. The last one popped up directly over Stage Zuko, and he fell to the ground.
"Honoooor!" he shouted as he fell, disappearing below the stage. I blinked, startled into confusion for a second. Stage Azula bowed and the audience started clapping and cheering. Then it hit me.
Oh my god. Zuko had just died... and they were all cheering. These people... Zuko's people... they were happy about his death. They wanted him to die.
I chanced a look over at Zuko. His eyes were wider than I had ever seen before, filled with shock. He glanced around uneasily at all the people who were quite eagerly applauding his death. I reached over and grabbed his hand. After a second, he shifted his hand so that our fingers intertwined, squeezing mine tightly.
We didn't say anything. What do you say after that?
Unfortunately, the rest of the play was just as awful. The stage darkened and little flames popped up near the audience. Stage Aang wandered on, looking around. A single spotlight shone down in the center of the stage, illuminating Stage Ozai.
"So, you have mastered all four elements," Stage Ozai said, standing.
"Yeah, and now, you're going down!" Stage Aang said cheerfully.
"No, it is you who are going down," Stage Ozai rumbled. "You see, you are too late. The comet is already here, and I'm unstoppable!" Stage Aang turned to the audience, shocked, and my own face mirrored the actor's horror.
Whipping two ribbons out from behind him, Stage Ozai launched himself forward, and the two started to battle. Stage Aang whirled her staff around for a few minutes, but then, an enormous wave of fire burst through the stage.
"Noooo!" Stage Aang yelled as she was wrapped up in the fire and fell to the stage, clearly dead.
"It is over, Father," Stage Azula said, walking on. "We've done it!"
"Yes," Stage Ozai said triumphantly, turning to the audience with a horrific grin. "We have done it. The dreams of my father, and my father's father have now been realized!" Stage Ozai rose up on a platform while several layers of fire rose behind him and a Fire Nation banner dropped from the ceiling. "The world... is mine."
With that, the audience leapt to it's feet and went crazy with a standing ovation. No one in our box moved, too struck with horrified silence. Finally, Aang let out a terrified noise and fled.
"Come on," I muttered, standing up. By the time we got outside, Aang was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn to his chest and the cap pulled over his eyes. Suki was crouched next to him, talking to him quietly. I looked over at Katara, but she was steadfastly looking away.
After another minute, Suki took Aang's hand and pulled him up. He sniffled a little and wiped at his eyes, but we pretended not to see him. Sokka clapped him on the shoulder good-naturedly, if not a little awkwardly.
"Let's just go home," I suggested, and everyone nodded.
We were walking down the path back to the beach house in silence when Zuko spoke up. "That... wasn't a good play." It was the understatement of the century, but it seemed to break the tense silence.
"I'll say," Aang said immediately.
"No kidding," Katara added.
Suki shook her head. "Horrible."
"The worst," I said.
"You said it," Toph agreed.
"But the effects were decent!" Sokka piped up, and I couldn't help but smile a little at that. We continued walking back to the house, the silence just a little bit less tense.
I groaned, turning over in my bed, and buried my face in the other side of the pillow. After squeezing my eyes shut for a few minutes, I sighed and rolled onto my back. Sleep was not going to come easy tonight.
After we'd gotten home, everyone went to bed without much comment or conversation. There was a somber mood hanging over the group. The cheerful playfulness of earlier in the day had been marred by the play's horrible ending. Even Toph neglected to tease anyone further about their characters.
Maybe it's for the best, I thought, staring up at the ceiling. The comet was only ten days away. This wasn't the time for cheerful playfulness. It was time to get serious about the very real challenge we were all facing.
The very real challenge that ends in you all dying a grisly, fiery death? the pessimistic voice in my head asked helpfully. I sighed and rolled out of bed. Definitely not getting any sleep tonight.
I tiptoed through the hallways of the house until I walked out into the courtyard. The full moon shone down and the air was warm, if not a little muggy. I glanced up at the house's sloped roof. I bent my knees, launched myself up on a pillar of earth, and landed on the roof... almost directly on top of another person.
"Aaaah!" Katara yelped, rolling to the side quickly. Startled, I stumbled and flailed for a second before collapsing into a heap. "What are you doing? Why would you sneak up on me like that?" she screeched.
"Sorry," I gasped, flopping down on my back. "Didn't know you were up here." Katara hhmph'ed and turned back around. I lifted my head. From this point, you could see the moon glittering off the ocean and hear the rumble of waves. It was quite soothing.
I glanced back at Katara. "What are you doing up here?"
"Couldn't sleep."
"Yeah." I leaned back down and looked up at the stars. "That stupid play got you all worked up too?"
"It's not just the play," Katara sighed. "I never sleep well during the full moon. Usually Aang stays with me, but tonight..." I glanced over. She looked worn and exhausted and years older than fourteen.
"Everything okay?"
She picked at the edge of her tunic. "No," she replied dully. "We kind of had a fight."
"You and Aang had a fight?" I asked, a little incredulous. "About what happened in the play?"
"Kind of... but not really," she hedged, not meeting my eye. "It's complicated."
I waited a few seconds, but she didn't elaborate. "Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you guys will work it out. I mean, Aang loves you and you-"
"He kissed me."
"I - what?!" I choked, my eyes widening. "Tonight?"
"Yes, and also... and also before the invasion." She was blushing now, and definitely not meeting my eyes.
"Wow... okay," I said, a little thrown off guard. Suddenly, I realized something. "Oh wait, so in that scene in the play when you guys shook hands before the invasion, that was actually- oh, yikes."
I winced, and Katara turned to me with a glare. "Not helping."
"Right, sorry." Katara pulled her knees to her chest, looking sad. "So, Aang kissed you," I said. "What's the problem? Did you not like it?"
"I don't know!" she cried, frustrated. "Both times, he just took me so off guard, I was just shocked, I didn't know what to do. I just froze up. What did you do at the deserted town, when Zuko kissed you? That really happened right? I mean, not as disgustingly as they did it on stage..."
I thought back to that night and flushed red. "Uh right, I didn't really know what to do either. Totally, er... froze up. Did not respond enthusiastically... or in any manner!" I laughed nervously.
"I told him that we have other things to worry about, that this isn't the time," Katara continued, thankfully ignoring me. "I mean, we're in the middle of a war! Even if I did like him in that way, this isn't the time for... for kissing, or dating, or I don't know! Any of that!"
I looked at her curiously. "Do you like him in that way?" I asked after a few seconds.
"I... I... it's Aang," she said helplessly. "He's my best friend. He's saved me so many times... not just saved my life, but y'know, saved me. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. Even when he's being annoying, I still... I want him there when I'm sad." She looked to me, eyes wide. "Not that I don't want you here, you're-"
"Relax," I cut her off, smiling. "I get it."
"What if I can't love him the way he wants?" she asked, sad and quiet.
"Don't worry," I assured her. "You'll figure it out. And you're right, it's not an ideal time. But either way, it's you and Aang. You guys are gonna be fine."
Katara groaned and flopped down on her back next to me. "I wish I could just figure it out and know how I feel," she grumbled. "That would make things so much easier."
"Trust me, it doesn't," I said wryly. I meant it as an offhand comment, but Katara propped herself up.
"What does that mean?"
"What?" I glanced over to find her looking at me curiously. "I... it's nothing. It doesn't mean anything."
She gave me a knowing look. "Kioni..."
"Ugh, fine." I bit my lip, wondering if I could actually say the words out loud. "I think I still have feelings for Zuko... like, romantic feelings."
I looked at Katara for her reaction, but she just met my eye. "What, am I supposed to act surprised or something?" I turned away, scowling, and she laughed. "Oh, come on, Kioni, everyone knows about that. Well, except you and Zuko. But now I guess just Zuko." She snickered a little more at that. "Aw, typical Zuko."
"It's not that funny," I grumbled.
"It kind of is." She grinned back. "Hey, what's the problem though?" she asked when I didn't smile. "You guys were a thing, right? I mean, he's obviously head over heels for you."
"The problem is, I don't know," I replied testily. "I... we almost kissed tonight." Now Katara looked surprised. "He said all these things, and we hugged, and I wanted to kiss him, I just couldn't."
"Why not?" Katara asked.
"I just...I got scared," I admitted. "The last time... I just don't know if I can trust him again like that."
We were quiet for a few minutes. "Can I give you some advice?" Katara said finally. "Don't say anything to him until you're sure. I know it's not my fault that I'm confused and that I need to take my time... but it's hurting Aang. And I hate that."
"I don't know if I'll ever be sure," I mumbled.
"Yeah." Katara sighed, looking up at the full moon. "Me neither."
The sound of the door opening again pulled us out of our thoughts. Someone was grumbling under their breath, "Stupid Avatar, it's the middle of the night... Katara, are you out here?" Zuko's voice rang out, sarcastically, as if there was no way that was possible.
Katara and I exchanged looks, and she crawled to the edge of the roof; I followed. "What's up?" Zuko jumped, spinning around. I bit my lip to hide my laughter at his startled face. "You called?" Katara prompted.
"Oh, yeah, Aang was looking for you," he said. Katara's eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to stop him, but too late. "Aang! Found her!" Katara slapped a palm to her forehead. Zuko's eyes slid over to me, and he gave me a tentative smile. I waved back.
"Katara!" Aang rushed out into the yard. "I... can we talk? I'm really really sorry for what happened, and I was such an idiot and I shouldn't have..." He trailed off and looked at me awkwardly. "It was really dumb. And I'm sorry."
Katara sighed. "Fine, let's talk. I need to get some of this full moon stress out anyway, so you're sparring with me."
"Now?" Aang asked in disbelief as she started to climb down. She threw him a look over her shoulder and he backtracked. "Er, yeah of course, let's go down to the beach. I'm going to get pummeled, aren't I?" he whispered to Zuko out of the side of his mouth. The firebender just gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.
Katara and Aang walked away, the former drilling him on waterbending forms, leaving just Zuko and me in the courtyard. "Well, uh... goodnight," he said awkwardly, moving to walk back inside.
"Wait," I called out and he turned around. I patted the roof. "Come sit with me awhile?"
He looked uncertain for a moment and I faltered, but then he nodded and walked forward. He stood at the base of the roof for a few seconds, as if sizing it up. "Do you need a boost?" I asked, amused.
He scowled. "I do not need a boost. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to..." He backed up a few steps, took a running start and jumped into the air. He grabbed the edge of the roof with both hands and swung himself up, landing on his feet. "There," he finished, looking rather pleased with himself.
"Impressive." I smiled as he sat down next to me. He rolled his eyes and leaned back against the roof, staring up at the sky.
"Why are you up here?" he asked. I shrugged.
"Couldn't sleep. And it's nice up here. Good place to think."
Zuko looked up at me, the beginnings of a mischievous smirk pulling at his mouth. "To think?" he asked innocently. "To ponder life's mysteries and think about our place in the universe?"
I frowned. "Where have I heard..." My mouth fell open as I realized Zuko was making fun of me, throwing back words I had mocked him with months ago about the rooftop of the tea shop in Ba Sing Se. He snickered, looking pleased with himself.
"You're not funny." I grumbled, folding my arms. "Why are you awake anyway?"
"Sleep isn't coming for anyone tonight, it seems. Plus, hard to sleep when you've got a frantic Avatar pounding down your door," he added wryly.
I sighed. "He's just nervous. From what Toph told me, he did this before the invasion too. The ending of that play must have freaked him out."
"Yeah..." Zuko trailed off, tracing patterns on the roof. It wasn't hard to guess what he was thinking about.
"You know, you were right," I said firmly, and he looked at me questioningly. "That play was just full of Fire Nation propaganda. Full of it! Especially the ending."
"Yeah," he repeated, not sounding convinced. "It's okay, I wasn't that bothered by it."
"What? How could you have not been bothered by it?" I was incredulous. It had certainly bothered me.
"I've always known it was a possibility," he said, a little resigned. "Ever since I left to join up with you guys. Obviously I don't want to fight Azula, but if it comes down to that..."
I didn't know what to say to that. "So what's bothering you then?"
He hesitated for a second before answering. "It's just... I never got to see Uncle after the second act." He looked out over the ocean, his face drawn with misery. "He's done so much for me, and I was so awful to him. I don't... what if I never see him again?" His voice dropped until he was almost whispering. "I don't want to die before I've gotten a chance to say I'm sorry."
Oh Zuko. There were so many ways I could've reacted to that statement. I could've hugged him, comforted him, reassured him. Instead I went with an old standby and socked him in the arm. "Ow!" he cried. "What was that for!?"
"Don't say things like that," I said fiercely. He looked startled. "You're not going to die."
He frowned, still looking put out about being punched. "I'm just trying to be realistic-"
"Well, stop it," I snapped. I folded my arms over my chest and looked away.
"Kioni?" he asked. I didn't answer. "What, you're mad at me now?" He sounded frustrated.
"Stop talking like that," I said, my voice desperate. I turned back, my eyes pinching at the corners. "Just... you're not going to die, okay? Nobody's going to die."
His expression softened. "You don't know that," he said gently.
"I have to know that," I insisted, my eyes pleading him to understand. "We're going to see Uncle again. And you're not going to die." If I repeated it enough, it had to be true. "You can't. I forbid it."
He raised his eyebrows. "You forbid me dying?"
"Yep." I met his gaze, and he sighed, looking equal parts amused and resigned. "They need you, Zuko," I said after a moment. "Aang needs you. Your country needs you." I need you.
He scoffed. "My country hates my guts."
"Yeah, well they're all a bunch of jerks," I replied, my annoyance shifting targets. I was glad we weren't talking about Zuko's impending doom anymore. The mere thought of it sent panic flaring throughout my body. "Seriously, who cheers after someone dies? That's just poor taste, at best."
"I don't blame them for cheering," he said, looking sad.
I just stared then. Zuko sensed my disbelief and sighed, trying to explain. "Look, in the Fire Nation, we're taught that our nation is the greatest nation in history. I'm not saying it's true, that's just what they teach," he added when my disbelief morphed into disgust. "So when I turned my back on that, it was pretty much the worst thing I could've ever done. That's unforgivable."
I didn't have anything to say to that either. He was right; from what I had seen of the Fire Nation so far, they weren't that big on forgiveness. "Well, they didn't have to say those things about your scar on top of all that," I muttered petulantly. "That was just unnecessarily rude." I still had some very choice words for the cretins who wrote the play.
Zuko's face fell again, and he composed it quickly - but not quick enough for me to miss it. "Wha - you're kidding, right?" I asked incredulously. "You don't actually believe those things?"
He touched his scar self-consciously. "Why wouldn't I? It's fine though, I'm used to it. I know the scar doesn't make me attractive by any means."
"Yeah, you do that all by yourself," I muttered to myself. Zuko's eyes widened and mine followed suit. My face grew hot. "I didn't just say that out loud." Zuko still looked shocked, but a pleased smile crept onto his face. "Oh my god," I groaned, mortified. I buried my face in my hand and pulled my knees up to my chest.
Zuko was silent for a few minutes, like he was waiting for me to keep talking. "Kioni?" he said when I refused to speak. He sounded like he was trying not to laugh.
"Nope," I mumbled into my knees. "I'm not here. If I can't see you, you can't see me."
"Mature," he snorted. "Seriously?" he said when I still didn't move. "It's okay, we're friends now. Friends compliment each other. You can admit that you find me exceptionally good looking."
I lifted my head to glare at him. "That's not what I said."
"More or less," he replied cheekily. His face was still a little pink, but he was grinning. I rolled my eyes but straightened my legs out again and his grin faded into a soft smile. "You really don't think..." He gestured to the scar again and I furrowed my brows questioningly. He sighed and the smile dropped. "You don't think it makes me, y'know... ugly?"
His voice trailed off at the end, finishing almost in a whisper, and the teasing light vanished from his expression. I tilted my head, realizing how vulnerable he looked in that moment. He dropped his gaze back to the roof, the pink flush creeping back up his neck self-consciously.
My heart ached for him. "Zuko," I murmured, needing him to hear my words. He glanced up and I reached out to touch his cheek, right under the scar. "Nothing anyone else does to you could ever make you ugly."
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, the pure emotion in them caught me off guard. He sighed, his breath fluttering against my hand, and I became incredibly self-aware again. My heart was hammering out a marching beat in my chest, and we locked eyes for what felt like ages.
Katara's words popped into my head. Don't say anything unless you're sure. Part of me felt so sure in that moment, sure that this was the right thing to do and that we were meant to be. But the other part of me whispered doubts, pulled me back to memories of heartbreak and despair.
I pulled my hand away. "Anyway, you have nothing to worry about," I muttered, flushing. I didn't miss the flash of disappointment on his face, but he composed himself and cleared his throat.
"Yeah," he said. "I mean, you are hopelessly attracted to me, that has to count for something," he teased after a second, and the awkwardness was broken. I groaned and looked up at the sky.
"Is this how it is now? I mildly complimented you." But I didn't mind. He smirked and I rolled my eyes in return. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.
"I should get a few hours of sleep before sunrise," Zuko said finally. I glanced up to see the moon already past the halfway point in the sky. "I don't care if Aang's been waterbending all night, we need to train first thing in the morning."
"Yeah... I'll go back in a bit," I replied, wanting to stay outside a little bit longer. Zuko nodded and climbed to the edge of the roof, lowering himself down. He started to walk back, pausing at the edge of the door. He turned back around, looking like he had something to say.
"Just so you know... the feeling is mutual," he rushed out, turning red. My eyes widened as he blushed deeper and dashed back inside. I stared at the door that had swung shut, feeling the blush rise on my face again.
Letting out yet another groan, I leaned back against the roof and stared up at the stars. Despite the embarrassment, I couldn't stop the happy fluttering in my chest and stomach.
Stop that, I told myself as a stupid grin formed on my face and the urge to giggle rose up in me. "We're just friends right now," I said, as if speaking the words aloud would magically make them true. "Don't read into it. Nothing else going on."
The words sounded unconvincing even to my own ears, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
Hooray, it hasn't been months since the last update! Isn't summer great? I can't believe how close we are to the end of this story. Remember, my goal is to get at least 1000 reviews before the story finishes, so it would be great if you guys could review!
Maybe I can even do some sort of prize if we reach 1000 before the end of the story? Like I could take a few drabble prompts or something? I don't know, what would you guys want to see? Let me know!
Hopefully this chapter gave bit more insight into how Kioni feels about her character. I felt like being portrayed as useless and being objectified in the way that she was would bring back a lot of the feelings of being worthless that she felt in the early Book 3 chapters. Not a good place for her.
I'm sure a lot of you have noticed things are progressing much faster romantically for these two than they have in the past! It didn't make sense for them to just easily be able to ignore the attraction between them. They were already sort of a couple before, so they know what that's like. The romantic feelings are there, and they know that, whether they choose to act on them or not.
I'll try to get the next chapter up as quickly as this one. Please review! It would mean so much to me and let's try to meet our goal. :)
Next up: The Phoenix King.
