Chapter Forty-Three

Severus could feel Lily's expectant eyes on him as he continued to stare at his hands, clasped tightly upon his knees. He bit his lip, trying to figure out in his mind what he could possibly say to explain what was going on. Trying to figure out if there was any way he could explain it, that would allow them to maintain their relationship; fragile as it already was. But there was nothing; he knew that the words that would leave his mouth were going to end it all. He knew that this was the moment he was going to lose her all over again.

"Severus," her voice was firm, "Tell me."

He drew in a deep, silent breath. A few seconds later, when he heard her take a breath to speak again, he went on, "Early..." he stopped when the word shook and cleared his throat, "Early this year…February…there was a prophecy…"

"A prophecy?" she interrupted him, her tone slightly skeptical, "What…"

"Yes, a prophecy," he went on, keeping his eyes on the floor, "It…it said…" he hesitated.

"Severus, just tell me."

He glanced at her and shook his head, "Lily…" he sighed and looked away, "It spoke of a boy. And this…this boy is supposed to have the power to defeat him; the Dark Lord."

Lily was regarding him curiously, though when he looked at her he could detect a hint of fear in her eyes, as if she knew what was coming next. Despite this, she swallowed and asked, "What does that have to do with me and James?"

Severus held her look for a moment; it's your baby. The words formed in his mind, were on the tip of his tongue; but looking at the fearful expression in her eyes, the eyes that didn't yet express any of the hatred towards him that was soon to come, he hesitated. And he couldn't say them; "The prophecy says the baby would be born at the end of July."

Lily held his look for a moment, before her breathing caught and she averted her eyes. She drew in a shaky breath, her brow furrowing, and she shook her head, "What…what are you saying…what? That my…my son, that Harry is…that he…" she shook her head, "Are…are you serious?" She stood up and walked quickly around the coffee table, running a hand through her hair. He could hear her breathing quicken, saw her shake her head, and a gasp of laughter, completely humourless, escaped her lips, before she rounded on him.

"Are you telling me that that…that monster isn't after James and me at all? That…that he's after…that he's after Harry? Harry? He's a baby for Christ's sake!" he hadn't heard such venom in her voice for years; and he hadn't even told her the worst part.

Severus took in a deep breath, "Yes. The Dark Lord takes any potential threats very se…"

"Potential threats?" she exclaimed, her voice a mixture of disbelief and contempt, "Severus, Harry is only four months old!"

"I don't think he is a threat," Severus began but was interrupted when she continued:

"But He does? Of all the wizards in the world, you, me, James, Malfoy, Dumbledore, Grindelwald! Out of all of the wizards that…that maniac thinks my son is the great wizard that will ultimately defeat him?"

"I know," Severus agreed, "It's ridiculous. But…but that's what he believes," he met her eyes, "At the end of the day, that's what matters."

Lily shook her head and he noticed that her eyes glimmered slightly, while her lip trembled slightly. She bit down on it before she spoke again, her voice quiet and shaky, "Why didn't he tell us this? Dumbledore? Why would he tell us that he was after us?"

"I don't know," Severus swallowed, desperately wanting to reach out to her. Comfort her; tell her it would be okay. But he knew it wouldn't; and he knew that he couldn't go near her. She would hate him even more if he took advantage of her situation mere moments before her told her his role in causing it.

"Bastard," she whispered, shaking her head, "If…if James and I had known…if we'd known it was Harry that was…I wouldn't have left the house! I…James and I, we've been looking for any excuse to leave…we could've led him right to us! To Harry!"

"Lily," he finally stood but didn't approach her.

"What?" she snapped at him, her eyes were dark with anger.

"Lily," he repeated, his nervousness making his voice shake, "There…there's something else. Something… you should know."

She was looking at him expectantly, though with an element of disinterest, her fury at the situation completely evident in her eyes. He would never see warmth in those eyes again, he was sure of it. He was about to make sure of it;

"It was me."

The words were hollow. Too blunt. He could tell by the perplexed expression of her face.

"What was you?" she asked, though her tone seemed dismissive; as if she couldn't care less what he was talking about. She was looking around herself, until her eyes stilled in the direction of the invisibility cloak. She stepped towards it.

He sighed and reached out, grasping her gently by the arm, "Lily." She stopped and looked up at him. He loosened his tight grip but kept his hand on her arm, wanting to prolong any physical contact he could; "It was me. I'm the one who told…I'm the one who heard the prophecy."

Lily kept her eyes on his, attempting to make sense of what he had said; "You're the one who told Dumbledore."

He shook his head, feeling his throat tighten, "No."

She swallowed, her eyes suspicious as she regarded him. Severus got the feeling she knew exactly what he was going to say. She had already drawn back from him, though she let her arm remain in his grasp. He took one last, longing look at her eyes before he finally said it.

"I was there when the prophecy was made. I'm the one who told the Dark Lord."

……..

Lily knew what he was going to say. She had known it. Since the moment she stepped into the house she knew that something wasn't right. And as the conversation progressed she had become sure that he was feeling guilty about something; when he made his first confession. When he had told her 'it was him', the truth had flashed in her mind. The idea had hit her but she wouldn't acknowledge it. 'Plead ignorance', her mind had cried.

She drew in a shaky breath, as she looked up into his eyes. They were so open; so unlike they usually were. Expressing everything; guilt, shame, desperation, sadness, love. Love. Her mind sneered at the word. This man before her, the man who she loved, had loved, who knew that she loved him had delivered her baby's death sentence.

February. She remembered that month so well; the events that preceded it. She had left him. No; no they had both done it. It wasn't her leaving him. But she had gone back to James. That same month, she remembered. And she remembered that Severus had seen them; had known that she had gone back to him. She swallowed, her mind swirling with theories, speculations. He had delivered the prophecy. Harry wasn't born yet; she had only just found out he existed. She bit her lip; Severus knew she was pregnant. Knew how far along she was.

She pulled her arm from his hand roughly, glaring at him with questioning eyes, "Why?"

"What?"

"Why did you go to him?" she went on, her voice much stronger than she felt, "You heard that prophecy and then ran right to him. Why? We…you and me, we were together before that. You…you weren't exactly the most loyal of Death Eaters, were you?"

Severus held her look, though his eyes remained expressive, "I wasn't…I hadn't decided at that point."

"Hadn't decided? Hadn't decided what?" she snapped, "What…you…you wanted to serve him?"

He shook his head, "I don't know."

"You don't know," she nodded, speaking slowly, "Well, I know what you did know. You knew that I was more than three months pregnant in February. You knew my baby could be born then," she paused for a moment, before speaking quietly, "James' baby."

Severus' eyes hardened, closing off, going back to the reserved darkness she was used to, "Are you saying that I…that I meant for him to target you?"

"Didn't you?" she snapped, "I remember seeing you before my wedding. You were so angry with me; so angry that I was having his baby…"

"I would never do that!" he shook his head, "I never even considered that it would be your baby. I never even thought that it would be a baby…"

"Well what did you think?" she shouted at him, her eyes were full now but she refused to let any tears fall.

Severus shook his head, "You don't know what it was like for me back then, Lily."

"Oh, do enlighten me," she glared at him, "After all, I was dancing under rainbows back then."

"Look," he snapped, "I was in trouble; I hadn't been showing up for meetings. The Dark Lord knew something was going on; Regulus was covering for me, Lucius was responsible for me…I needed to prove myself. We were all in danger! I needed to…"

"So this whole thing was just your attempt to suck up to your master?" she spat, turning away from him in disgust.

"Lily, we were in trouble," he continued to explain, "You don't know what it's like!"

"I can't believe you're trying to justify this!" she voiced her disbelief.

He was quiet for a moment, before he went on, his voice resigned, "I…I know, I can't justify it. But…look, it wasn't just me. Regulus was already under suspicion. And Lucius had Narcissa and the baby to consider…"

"And what about my baby?" she turned back around, her eyes flashing, "You give my baby's life for your own and your Death Eater friends?"

"I didn't know it was your baby," he shook his head, "Lily…I would never do anything…not willingly, to hurt you. You know I…I…" he hesitated, that desperate look in his eyes once again.

She had an idea what was on his mind, what he was going to say. She raised an eyebrow, "You what?"

He kept his eyes on hers for a moment before he looked away, shaking his head. She felt disappointment tug somewhere deep inside her but she ignored it; it didn't matter if he said it now. It didn't matter what he felt. Nothing mattered anymore.

Severus Snape, her oldest friend, the man she loved, was the one responsible for her son's death sentence. He had told his master the prophecy; done his duty as a Death Eater. She felt a lurch of nausea almost overcome her as she turned away, her vision becoming blurred as tears once again threatened to fall.

The differences between them had never been more clear in her mind.

The war that they had so adamantly refused to acknowledge when they had been together had come crashing down on them. Their opposing allegiances illuminated.

Her eyes drifted towards his arm, where she knew the Dark Mark was branded against him. She swallowed, her lip trembling. She drew in a deep breath and looked up at him, her tears finally spilling;

"I will never forgive you for this."

She noticed him flinch slightly, his eyes sad. He spoke quietly, barely audibly, "I know."

She stared at him a moment more before she turned and lifted the invisibility cloak from the floor. She threw it over herself immediately and headed out of the house. She didn't look back.