When one life ends, another begins. That's a statement that I've heard many times, and now it's happening with me. Losing my mom was hard and will stay with me forever, but finding out that I'm pregnant has moved away the storm clouds and brought happiness. It's amazing that part of me and part of Christian is now growing inside me.
This afternoon is my mom's funeral, and I'm not looking forward to it. Finding out about her youth made me see her in a different way. I'm not ok with everything she did, but I now have a better understanding.
"Are you ready?", Christian asks as we arrive at the funeral home. The funeral doesn't start for another hour, but I wanted to get here early so I can privately say goodbye to my mom. All of the Greys are coming as is Grandpa and Grandmother Trevelyan. It's ironic that we just spent last Saturday together celebrating our wedding, and now we're spending Thursday together at my mom's funeral.
"Yeah." I step out of the Escalade and smooth down my black long sleeve dress. It's the same dress that I wore to my dad's funeral, and I pray that today is the last day I have to wear it for a long time.
Walking inside, I see my mom's casket at the front. The floral spray of mixed flowers is covering the top while other floral arrangements are over to the side. The funeral director says hello and tells us that he'll open the casket up for me when I'm ready.
"The flowers are nice." Christian points to an arrangements of lilies. Looking at the card, I see that they're from the Grey family.
"Yeah, they are." When I turn around and see the director standing towards the back, I give him a small nod to indicate that I'm ready to see my mom. He removes the floral arrangement from the top and slowly opens up the casket. Just as I get my first glimpse of her, Christian takes me hand. She's dressed in a navy blue dress that I bought and had sent over yesterday.
"Do you want me to stay or give you some time alone?", Christian asks.
"Stay. She looks good."
"She does."
"Navy blue was always one of her favorite colors." I take my free hand and place it on her folded hands. "Oh Mom, I got your last letter and read it. I had no idea about your past, but I wish you would have told me. Maybe all of this could have been avoided. You shouldn't have had to go through feeling like that. You told me in your letter that you were sorry and that you love me. Well, I have two things to say to you. I forgive you and I love you." Christian reaches into his pocket and hands me a kleenex to wipe away my tears.
We stand there for several more minutes as I look one last time at my mom. Finally, I move away from the casket and the director closes it. Christian leads me to the front row of seats. The sound of approaching footsteps makes us turn around where we see our family.
"Hello sweetheart.", Grace says as I stand and hug her. "How are you doing?" After finding out that I'm pregnant, I called and told Grace that her suspicion was correct. Christian and I told her that she could tell Carrick, but we want to wait to tell everyone else. My appointment with Dr. Greene isn't until next week. Plus, we want to wait until after the first trimester is over.
"I'm doing ok.", I answer. Carrick comes up and hugs me, followed by Mia and Elliot. Behind them are Grandpa and Grandmother Trevelyan. The two of them have smiles that always seem to make me feel better.
"Ana, I'm sorry about your mother.", Grandmother Trevelyan says.
"Thank you and thank you for coming."
"We're family, and family is there for one another." The door opens at the back and Haley, Adam, Ros, Gwen, Taylor, and Gail come in.
"Hey bestie, I know this isn't the way you wanted to get everyone together again.", Haley sighs.
"No, it's not, but it shows how much everyone cares."
About ten minutes later, everyone takes a seat as I walk to the podium in the front. Christian offered to speak for me, but I assure him that I would be ok.
"Thank you everyone for coming today. Even though Christian is the only one who met my mom, it means a lot to me. My mom and I had a complicated relationship, but she was my mom and I'm going to miss her. Yesterday, I was able to get a glimpse into her life as she was growing up. I regret not knowing who she really was because I think, no I know, that we would have had a better relationship. She wanted what everyone wants, to be accepted and loved." Christian gives me a small smile as I gather myself. I turn to the casket on my left, wiping away the tears. "I love you Mom."
After the funeral and burial, everyone goes to Carrick and Grace's for an early dinner. While we're waiting on dinner, Christian and I head to the gazebo for some air.
"Hey guys.", Mia grins as she comes from the house. "Mom said that dinner is being delayed a bit. Apparently, the caterers are running behind with everything." Her grin grows when she hears a beep come from her pocket. "That's probably Mark."
"Is he still planning on visiting in a few weeks?", I ask.
"He's actually coming this weekend."
"That's great Mia."
"Yep. Well, I'll see you guys inside." She turns and walks away, pulling her phone from her pocket. Before she gets out of view, she starts jumping up and down like a giddy schoolgirl.
"I hope she doesn't start doing fucking cartwheels.", he says as I elbow him. "You should have seen her when my dad gave her first car to her. She started running around the front yard screaming, "Oh my god! Thanks Dad!" I can't help but laugh at him, especially since he sounds like a valley girl.
"I don't see anything wrong with that."
"Oh, I need to clarify something. It was the neighbor's yard, and she was wearing Barbie pajamas. If we have a daughter, Mia is not allowed near her. I can't believe that we're going to have a little cowboy or cowgirl. Of course we'll have to buy a pony for him or her. I was looking online last night at baby clothes. Fuck, there was a pair of brown cowboy boots for a baby. I think you have a pair almost like them."
"You were looking at baby clothes?", I ask.
"Well, yeah, the kid can't go around naked."
"Between Mia's love of shopping and your fondness of spoiling, I don't think this baby will have to worry about having enough clothes." He leans down and puts his head to my stomach.
"Sweet baby, you're the biggest blessing."
Photos and music for the chapter are on the pinterest page. Search: sherrybabie/SOTH
