Chapter Forty-Four:

Mind over Matter

Sundas 13 Sun's Dawn 4E 200 1:01PM

"Please, Skadi?" Emelia whined. "We all told some stories about our times as Werewolves… Why won't you share?"

I scowled at the over-eager Imperial Werewolf. "There's nothing to tell." I met every single one of the pack's eyes. "And you all know who I am."

Emelia pouted childishly. "Please? There has to be at least one story that doesn't involve the merciless slaughtering of Shor's Stone or Riverwood!"

I rolled my eyes. "There were rarely any good times, Emelia," I stated to the Imperial woman, my eyes resting on the fire. "Imagine living in fear every second of every day, fearing that your creator will come barging through a cave entrance or the bushes with a pack of rabid wolves at his beck and call—no offense Hel," I apologized to my cousin.

Hel shrugged. "You described Sosile perfectly, though," she remarked.

I smirked at that. "But," I said, my scowl returning, "imagine it. Never being able to stay in one place for more than a week or two, staying away from people, not having Roggar or Silian with you…"

Emelia fell silent. She had Roggar and Silian with her since the very beginning. From her story, it seemed that she was the one to turn Silian when she was a bit more experienced—something he'd requested himself.

Roggar wrapped a bulky arm around Emelia, which she happily nestled into. "Come on, Skadi," Roggar chastised. "One story won't hurt."

I frowned. "I said no."

Herfid sighed, a hand on her belly. "Skadi, regardless of what we know about you, we know you've changed. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't know Taryn."

I glanced at Taryn, then at Herfid. "The only reason why I don't argue with you is because I'm afraid you might skin me… as a human."

Herfid chuckled. "You wouldn't be the first Werewolf I've skinned." Her silver eyes twinkled with laughter. "I'm kidding! I've never actually skinned a Werewolf before."

I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Gods…"

"Just one story, Skadi," Taryn begged. "You told me one about my mom, remember?"

"That was an accident. I didn't know it was your mom!" I replied.

Taryn shrugged. "Accident or not, it happened. Now come on! Tell us a story!"

I growled quietly, my mind sifting through the years of nightmares and memories that didn't seem to separate themselves. Eventually, I did come across a memory from a while back.

"Well, I do remember this one time I was hunting," I began. "But I was still young—two years old, actually."

"You were a toddler?" Roggar asked, perturbed, before Emelia smacked his chest.

"No, you oaf! She was a Werewolf for two years!" the Imperial woman chided.

Roggar mock growled at Emelia. "And between the two of us, who has been the Werewolf longer?"

Miles rolled his eyes. "Get a room," he grumbled.

Emelia giggled childishly while Roggar blushed, clearing his throat a few times to hide his embarrassment.

"C-Continue, Skadi," Roggar muttered.


Loredas 21 Sun's Height 4E 192 7:59PM

I slunk through the grass silently, my ebony-colored fur beginning to blend into the darkening landscape as my nose tirelessly tracked the fresh scent of elk and sabrecat. My stomach rumbled in hunger and that presence, that feral, bestial presence was slowly pacing in the back of my mind, carefully pushing itself forward with each step I took towards the two animals I was tracking.

I came to a stop on the outskirts of a nearly deserted clearing when I heard the cries of the elk wailing in the air followed by the triumphant roar of the sabrecat. While the sounds were just on the other side of the brush, the wind shift direction and I could smell the scents of those hunters. The ones from Dawnstar and Eastmarch that seemed keen to bring my pelt into their Jarls. I shook my head once to clear it before I attacked the larger predator, my wolf beginning to push a bit further to the front of my mind.

I watched the cat for a second longer before I was shoved to the darkest corners of my own mind. It didn't scare me anymore, being in this dark place. It didn't scare me anymore because I knew that after I ate, I'd be myself again. So I waited patiently for my other mind to be sated with the hunt and shut my eyes.

However, I was surprised to open my eyes so soon, my teeth inches away from the bloody sabrecat carcass while my nostrils flared on their own. I caught a whiff of human nearby. Young. A child. I lowered my nose to the ground, the kill forgotten entirely as I trotted towards the bushes where the scent was the strongest. But I wasn't expecting a small hand to shoot out of the bush. I stared at it, perplexed for a moment before I decided to sniff it.

The hand moved from in front of my snout to the fur on the top of my head and began scratching behind my ear. I couldn't stop the smile that appeared on my face and rested on my front, but my eyes never left the bush. I nearly jumped out of my fur when I saw the little girl poke her head out.

"You're really soft!" she exclaimed. "And cute!"

My eyes widened, head tilting at the words. I didn't move though.

"My daddy's like you," the girl whispered. "He's soft too, but really big, so not as cute."

I absently cleaned the blood that was clinging to my maw. I heard the girl emerge from the bush and sat next to me, running her hand through my dirty fur.

"Do you want to go for a bath?" she asked me. "You're really dirty. You need to keep clean. My mommy says that if I don't keep clean, I'll have bugs sleeping in my hair. And since you have so much that goes double for you!"

It has been a while since I last went for a swim in the river, I thought as the child moved her hand from my head to my side.

The girl laughed. "You're smaller than my daddy though. And smaller than Aela. She just got to be like you. Still mean though."

The sounds of rapid footfalls reached my ears. I jumped to my feet and began nudging the girl back towards the bush she was hiding in. She made some sort of objection to the gesture. As soon as she was hidden well enough, I curled into a ball next to her.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice a bit too loud.

I put my paw up to cover her mouth. My ears fell when the men broke through the brush and I hoped that my prints were obscured enough. I didn't dare peek out of the brush for fear of my bestial golden eyes standing out against the dark space I was hiding in.

"Blood's warm," one of the men growled. "We need to keep looking. Those monsters are getting too close."

I could hear the agreement travel through the group before they continued on. After waiting a couple more minutes, the girl and I emerged from the bushes.

"Who were they?" she asked curiously.

I ran a claw against my throat before I pointed to myself.

The girl pouted. "They're trying to hurt you?"

I nodded.

"That's not fair!" the girl exclaimed. "You're too cute!"

I rolled my eyes, glancing at the dead animals near us.

"So?" the girl said, crossing her arms. "Humans kill animals all the time to eat. If you do it, it's no different."

I rolled my eyes again at her interpretation of my staring at the dead game. My nose flared when the wind shifted. The hunters were coming back! I turned my head to see the torchlight.

"Uh-oh…" the girl mumbled.

It only took me a second to decide what to do. The little girl yelped in surprised which caused the hunters to quicken their pace. Gods only knew what they'd do if they saw me with this girl. Killing me, skinning me, and gutting me would only be the beginning of the nightmare. The little girl clasped my mud-caked fur tightly before I lunged forward, heading towards the south and hoped that the hunters didn't see a glimpse of my tail or paw.

By the time I stopped running, my paws ached and my lungs burned from the exertion. Tralen had said that as I grew, my endurance would increase so that I could run farther for longer periods of time. I couldn't wait to get older...

I felt the girl pat my head. "I live here, you know!" she told me. "You can sleep over if you want! I don't have many friends who will…"

I shrugged the girl off and rested on my front, my paws and legs grateful for the rest. I stared up at the sky, my eyes wide with disbelief. I was in Whiterun Hold! I swallowed nervously but kept my expression as stoic as I could. I was so distracted by the sight of Whiterun that I didn't realize that the girl was offering me water.

"We can't get much closer without anyone seeing you, so unless you want to run to the other side of the city, here's some water…" She grinned.

I lifted my head up a bit, my tongue flicking out and lapped up what I wanted. When I finished drinking the water, the girl dumped the remainder on my head. Okay, going to take a bath, I told myself.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" she asked curiously, her head tilted.

Girl, I grunted. But I knew the girl didn't understand me.

"Okay, touch my left hand if you're a boy, but touch my right if you're a girl," the girl told me, offering me her two hands. I rubbed my nose against her right hand. "That's good! I have a friend who's a girl now!" The girl reached for her knapsack. "I have spare clothes inside. Whenever mommy and I play outside one of us usually gets lost, so I always come prepared!" The girl whirled around so her back was to me, but her pack was at my feet. "And mommy says it's not nice to stare when you're not furry."

I reached forward with my maw, when a flicker of light caught my eye. I turned my head to see the hunters coming, which was followed by a scarily familiar howl. I hopped to my feet, my tail falling between my legs. I nudged the girl towards the city, to safety, before I bolted west.

"HEY!" she called out as I ran. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME YOUR NAME!"

I ignored her. I had to get away. Far, far away from him. I didn't want this girl found and turned because of me. I wasn't sure when I finally decided to stop running, but I found a small natural alcove that had a hunter's corpse lying in a pool of blood. I whimpered once before I picked the hunter up by his arm and dragged him away from his former camp.

Once I was finished moving the body, I nestled as far as I could inside the alcove and fell asleep, praying that Tralen wouldn't dare come into Whiterun to find me. He wasn't scared of the Companions, but he didn't want to have to dirty his hands with them. Eventually, my fear ebbed away enough to let me sleep.


Sundas 13 Sun's Dawn 4E 200 1:35PM

"Aw, you made a friend, Skadi!" Emelia cooed.

I glared at her. "If I made a friend, then I wouldn't have run off to Hjaalmarch!" I retorted.

Roggar and Herfid shared a grin. "I wonder what a kid Werewolf looks like?" Herfid mused.

"Wait a few more weeks and we'll find out," Mynre commented, which earned him a glare from Herfid. "I'm only kidding."

Herfid shook her head. "Well, you were smart for getting that girl out of there before those hunters came. Did you ever see her again?"

I shook my head. "No. I haven't."

"Taryn," Miles said, nudging my friend gently, "you're quiet…"

Taryn's brow furrowed, as if she was thinking about something intently. "I'm just… remembering something…"

"What?" I asked.

Taryn stared at me. "I was just a kid. I was playing hide and seek with my mom and I ran off when I saw a Khajiit walking around. I tried to follow but I couldn't keep up then I wandered a bit…"

I pursed my lips. "So?"

"So, after I wandered, I came across a Werewolf that was stalking a sabrecat," she finished.

My voice faded. Shock replaced any emotion that I was capable of showing and disbelief slowly replaced shock.

"N-No," I said, hoping that this was just some joke, "I-I never got the girl's name. So…"

Taryn stared at me intently and then she grinned. "You were cuter back then."

I openly stared at Taryn in disbelief. I mean, I had a reason to not recognize her. I never got her name; I never got a scent—not that her scent would be the same as it was back in 192…

Herfid snickered. "It seems like the gods wanted you to cross paths," she murmured.

"I guess so…" I mumbled.

Taryn smiled. "You should've seen me; I scoured all of Whiterun Hold for you! My mom told Skjor that I needed a babysitter at all times when I went out to 'play' because she knew I'd go looking for you!"

I gave a short laugh. "It'd take a miracle for you to find me, Taryn," I said. "I kept running until I felt safe enough to stop and rest." I rubbed the side of my neck. "I think I kept running until I either collapse from exhaustion or until my wolf took over because it was hungry."

Taryn rolled her eyes. "Regardless, I spent a lot of time looking for you. I even had the Circle searching for you when they had to leave the hold for contracts. Arnbjorn, a former Companion, told me once that he caught a scent of Werewolf in Haafingar once."

"Really?" I pressed.

Taryn nodded. "Yeah. But he couldn't follow it because he had a job to complete."

I smirk triumphantly. "By the time he probably finished the job I was holed up somewhere in the Reach." Taryn shrugged. "Well, I'm suddenly glad I got you away from those hunters."

Taryn nodded. "Me too. But, something doesn't add up."

"What?" I asked.

Taryn gave me a nervous glance. "Don't kill me, okay?"

I frowned. "I won't."

"I read the journal that I picked up from Faldar's Tooth." Taryn took a breath, watching me closely. "I read the entire thing and I came across that information about you being… you know…"

"The Savage of Skyrim?" I offered dully.

Taryn nodded. "Yeah, that." She cleared her throat. "But when we met, you weren't like that. You weren't a monster and you certainly had control."

I offered her a thin, emotionless smile. "That's because I didn't go back to my parents until a year later." I sighed. "I had control for a short amount of time, but that one little visit severed it. I turned feral."

Everyone nodded.

"Besides, I swore an oath to myself that I would never kill a child," I said. "Of course, that oath is kind of flexible now that I'm killing Tralen's pack."

"What about me?" Hel whimpered. "I-I'm one of his…"

I shrugged. "I don't know about that, Hel. I mean, since you're no longer with Tralen's pack, I'm sure Hircine doesn't consider you as such."

"But I have his blood!" Hel argued.

"We'll figure something out," I said to my cousin. "I promise."

Taryn got to her feet. "As much as mocking you sounds fun, can we go for a walk?" Taryn asked.

I stood up. "Sure."

I followed Taryn out of the cave and into the woods that made up the Rift. We walked a ways before coming to a stop in a large clearing, which was deserted for the time being. Neither of us spoke, which was a bit nice. I could let my senses run wild. I could hear the even breathing of a deer not too far away; I could smell the smoke from a low-burning fire back at the fort near Shor's Stone… It just felt nice to be able to be myself and not have to hide my ridiculously good senses from the humans.

Taryn walked a few paces ahead of me, her green eyes solely focused on the ground.

"You're not going to run a perimeter to make sure that no humans are around?" she asked, a bit sarcastically.

I shook my head. "No. I know this part of the Rift." I bit my lip. "I'm not going to treat you any different than before, all right?"

"How's my mom?" Taryn asked suddenly.

"She's well," I answered. "Her arm is healing nicely."

Taryn took a breath. "Tell me honestly: what did I do to her?"

"You cut her arm with your claws," I continued softly, albeit reluctantly.

"And dad?" she pushed.

I sighed. "Resting and healing just as well as your mother." I cleared my throat. "You tore into his leg, damaged a muscle but nothing that a bit of healing can't fix."

She swallowed, a bit nervously. "And how's Aela?"

"She's doing fine. Back up and hunting, and snapping at me every time I screw up an archery lesson," I explained. "She's resilient. She was up and moving a couple days after the incident."

Taryn went through everyone in the Companions, asking how they were and I answered her promptly. I didn't mind answering the questions. It gave Taryn a peace of mind knowing that her friends and family were safe and healing from the whole incident.

"Skadi, can I ask you something?" Taryn asked quietly, her back still facing me.

I nodded. "Of course."

Taryn exhaled, turning to face me. "Have you ever had control, only to have it slip away from you in a moment?"

"I do," I murmured. "Remember that story? I had control when I was young."

Taryn stared at me. "What caused you to snap? What caused you to become the Savage of Skyrim?"

"When my parents said they didn't want me, I just felt numb. Hollow. Like I didn't have anyone else with me." I shook my head. "My wolf whispered to me, promising me companionship, promising me that I'd never feel that hurt again." I swallowed, the memories of the strength and freedom I had back then resurfacing. "I listened to it. I listened to it and now look at what's happened. I have a reputation that I never wanted. The High King has sent a bounty out to all nine holds for my pelt because of Fort Hraggstad."

Taryn fell silent.

"I can handle the hunters," I said. "Besides, I deserve this. If I had been a bit more attentive, I would've put the pieces together. I could have prevented this…"

"But you didn't," Taryn said. She swallowed. "I thought I heard a whisper too," she confessed. "Something in my head that night. Something that told me that it could give me a better hunt, a better form of prey…"

"You listened to it," I finished.

"And now I regret it," Taryn mumbled.

I stared at the ground. "You think I don't regret my own actions?" I asked her.

Taryn frowned. "There shouldn't be anything you regret. You say there were signs, but it was me who acted on whatever was coming. I'm sorry about Torygg's decree, and I wish I could take back what I did, but it's done. And I guess only the gods can help us from here on."

I took a step forward. "Like I said a few minutes ago, I can handle the hunters." I bit my lip. "How are you?" I asked.

Taryn shrugged. "... Tired. I said it before and I'll say it again, everyone's great here. But it's... disgusting. With all of the death. To even get me slightly coherent they have to find me a... a victim. Then they try to find animals that might keep me off. But it takes a ridiculous amount of animals to help me. We'll have to move because I'm going to single-handedly wipe out the population of animals over here."

I rubbed my chin in thought. "Have they tried finding an alternative for you?"

"Yeah," Taryn said, as if I wasn't understanding her. "Animals."

I shook my head. "No, no. I mean, an animal substitute for the humans or mer that you crave?"

Taryn shook her head. "No. Miles thinks that might help, but they're not exactly going to take a new Werewolf's advice."

"Figures..." I paced for a minute. "Taryn, you know I crave Khajiit."

"Of course," Taryn remarked.

I smiled at her. "But what is it that I hunt instead to curb that desire for Khajiit?"

"Sabrecat..."

I grinned at her. "All you have to do is find a substitute for Bosmers."

Taryn seemed to consider it. "What do you think would be a good alternative?"

I was ready with a reply, when a large cave bear lumbered into the clearing. I drew out my sword, ready to kill it, when I saw how tense Taryn became. I wisely lowered my weapon and carefully approached her. She stared at me, desperate for my help. I shook my head.

"I'll divert the bear long enough for you to transform," I told her. "But I want you to kill it."

Taryn whimpered. "Skadi..."

"I have complete faith in you that you can do this, Taryn. Mind over matter."

Taryn gave one final nod before she started to remove the clothes I brought her. I taunted and fought the bear long enough to give Taryn a chance at transforming, and when she finished I backed off and let the Werewolf kill the bear. While I watched, I kept my nose and ears on high-alert for any travelers that might come through here. Taryn finished with the bear about ten minutes later, having eaten about half of the creature before she decided that she was full.

"Taryn?" I asked hopefully.

Taryn turned her head, her amber eyes showing me that I was speaking to Taryn and not the Werewolf from before. I could easily see the joy in her eyes at the fact she just killed a bear without having to kill a human beforehand. I grinned widely, approaching her.

"You did it!" I exclaimed. "You have control and no innocents had to be harmed." I rubbed the fur on her head. "Looks like bears are you substitute."

Taryn barked softly.

"Still hungry? I'm sure once I tell the pack about our discovery, they'll take you to places where's there're bears everywhere." I crossed my arms. "Try a few elk in-between. You're going to need to keep the bear population steady and not have a sudden drop in their numbers."

Taryn nodded, her eyes still lit with joy.

"And since you can't talk..." I mumbled. "I'm sorry."

Taryn tilted her head.

"I'm sorry I broke my promise that I wouldn't let you hurt your mother. I'm sor—." Taryn leapt at me, forcing me onto my back and one of her paws over my mouth. I shoved it away. "Taryn..."

She shook her head. She wasn't hearing any of it. But she nuzzled her snout against my ear to thank me.

"Fine," I huffed. "Let's get you back before a traveler stumbles by and I lose it. I haven't exactly been out hunting in a while..."

Taryn shrugged, jumping off of me and waiting for me to get to my feet. Then we headed back to the cave, both of us giddy that we discovered the substitute for her. It seemed that, even though Hircine took Taryn away from her family, he was at least helping her get back to them.