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The whole mission went south when Rodney insisted on exploring one more room of the hollowed out moon base.
He'd begged John, "Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, I need to find out what's inside. I'm the same way with Christmas presents and piñatas. One more compartment, other side of this door."
John had given in, partly because Rodney was so hard to resist in his orange spacesuit and partly because he was a little curious about the space shuttle they had seen when docking. Certainly not because there was any useful technology. For a hollowed out moon, the base had a very 1967 look about it.
But a chain of disastrous events followed after Rodney powered up the moon's nuclear reactor. As soon as the station re-pressurized, 2 guys rematerialized out of a modified Wraith storage device. The device was supposed to be preserving their people for a number of centuries, until they could return to their planet, once it was habitable again.
The whole mission went south when Rodney insisted on exploring one more room of the hollowed out moon base.
He'd begged John, "Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, I need to find out what's inside. I'm the same way with Christmas presents and piñatas. One more compartment, other side of this door."
John had given in, partly because Rodney was so hard to resist in his orange spacesuit and partly because he was a little curious about the space shuttle they had seen when docking. Certainly not because there was any useful technology. For a hollowed out moon, the base had a very 1967 look about it.
But a chain of disastrous events followed after Rodney powered up the moon's nuclear reactor. As soon as the station re-pressurized, 2 guys rematerialized out of a modified Wraith storage device. The device was supposed to be preserving their people for a number of centuries, until they could return to their planet, once it was habitable again.
One of the guys went crazy went he found out that the other data storage device never made it to the moon –the one that had his wife and child in it. That was pretty much when everything went to hell. He sabotaged the station, opened all the air lock doors, and burned the fuel off the shuttle… killing himself in the process and nearly taking the rest of them with him.
Ronon helped John get the doors to their compartment closed before they completely lost all their air, but his shoulder got pretty banged up in the process. Now the two of them are cut off from the others; he damaged compartments in between in a vacuum.
Yeah. This had been a really, really bad idea.
But John had been distracted by Rodney's hair, looking all rumpled and sexy after he took off that helmet. It made John remember the day they first met. Orange looks so good on him. It makes the blue of Rodney's eyes pop out.
The station rumbles and John stays seated on the floor watching as Ronon gets up and starts pacing restlessly, holding his wounded arm in place.
After some time, Ronon says, "I'm not good at this."
"What?"
"Waiting to die." Ronon says with a dark expression.
"Don't think about it." John tells him.
Ronon keeps pacing, "I don't like small spaces."
"Could be worse." John tries to reassure him.
Striding angrily, Ronon asserts, "Personally, I'd rather die fighting."
"I'd rather not die."
"I'm just saying." Ronon grimaces.
"Okay, look." John offers, "If this rock burns up in the atmosphere, I'll fight you to the death myself, deal?
Ronon smiles and stops pacing. "You're on."
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When Atlantis finally dials the gate to check on them, John tells Elizabeth they are in trouble, to send Beckett with a rescue team and some cutting equipment ASAP.
"What's happened?" she asks.
"We got ourselves in a..." John waves his hand uncertainly at the station groaning around him, "damaged moon base in a decaying orbit, cut off from each other."
"–And we lost the Jumper." He adds quickly, giving a frustrated shrug, "THAT happened. Well, there's more to it than that, but, but you get the idea."
She tells them that help is on the way and asks what else she can do.
"Hurry!" Ronon shouts gruffly.
The wait doesn't seem as bad now. As long as they don't suffocate or burn up in the next 20 minutes or so…
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After the rescue party arrived and helped repressurize the station, Rodney found out that Teyla was placed into one of the storage devices by the other guy. The one who didn't kill himself. Apparently he thought it was the only way to ensure that his people would be safely taken to the surface of the planet and rematerialized there.
The moon won't survive another orbit, and there was no way to hook the machine Teyla was trapped in up to another compatible technology. That's when John decided to get himself killed by trying to fly that ancient shuttle –the one without any fuel- down to the planet.
Rodney's chest tightened when he realized what John intended to do. Despite his great objections, John had shouted at him to ready the machine so they could load it into the ancient shuttle, "Listen, just get the thing disconnected! That's an order!"
He knows John well enough to realize he can't talk him out of this. Even if it means taking a suicidal risk, John will go to any length to rescue someone on his team.
The station quakes and heaves around them as the falling moon makes its final descent. Once Rodney gets the device ready, he bites his tongue as he instructs John about getting the device into the receptacle.
Seemingly unconcerned, John just nods and walks forward, "All right, let's do it."
"Just," Rodney lifts a finger because he can't stop himself from trying to stop this madness, "can I say one more thing?"
John turns around, "As long as you say it as fast as you can."
"Don't do this." Rodney begs, "It's impossible."
"Willing to bet a week's wages on that?" John smirks.
"Oh yeah," Rodney asks morosely, "How are you gonna pay up if I win, huh?"
"Thanks for caring." John quips.
Rodney lowers his eyes as John tells the rest of the crew, "Yeah, All right, radio Atlantis as soon as you're clear. Keep a safe distance with the Jumper. I'll try to maintain radio contact."
Wondering if this is goodbye, he sorrowfully watches John leave.
"Hey," Ronon stops John on the way into the shuttle, "remember, you still owe me a fight to the death."
Closing his helmet, John says something, but it is too muffled for Rodney to hear. Then John slaps Ronon on the shoulder and walks into the shuttle. The rest of them make their way back to the Jumper and fly to safety.
"All right," John updates them, "I've got the device locked into place. Looks like internal power switched on automatically. Closing rear hatch now. See you guys on the ground."
"The moon's decelerating in the upper atmosphere." Rodney tells John, "You've only got a few minutes to familiarize yourself with those controls."
"It's pretty straightforward." John says casually.
"We're gonna lose radio contact as you pass through the atmosphere."
"I know, Rodney."
With a heavy chest Rodney explains, "I'm saying that if you have anything that you'd like to say, now would be a good time to say it."
"No, not really." John is flippant.
Hearing that makes Rodney ache, there are so many things he wishes he could say to John but here in this roomful of people it is impossible.
Trying to stay helpful, Rodney reminds John, "Now would probably be a good time to disengage."; he tells the others in the Jumper, "Hopefully, the explosive bolts will throw him clear of the moon."
"Initiating separation maneuver in 3, 2, 1, mark! Separation is negative." John reports, "Switching to back-up."
Rodney waits anxiously thinking of all the things he wishes he could say to John right now.
"Disengage." John mutters into the com, "Come on! Damn it!. The bolts will not work! I repeat, the explosive bolts will not fire. Unable to separate ship. I don't know if you can hear me, but it looks like I'm going to have to ride this one down!"
He knew it; he knew this was going to happen. Rodney feels sick to his stomach.
"What's happening?" Ronon asks.
Rodney swallows, trying to keep his voice steady, but it comes out panicked and high pitched. "He can't separate the ship. He's gonna burn up inside the moon."
Keeping his face forward, Rodney stares at the view screen. Maybe John didn't have anything to say… but there was so much more that Rodney wanted to say to him. He still loves John so much. He begged him not to leave. All of it just happened too fast, there was no time to say what was in his heart. Not even goodbye.
As the sensors detect a massive explosion Rodney watches helplessly; the moon has lost all structural integrity. There is no way John survived that.
Then Rodney's heart leaps, he points to the screen, elated that the shuttle has been thrown clear, "There it is!"
But John still has to land the damn thing and the odds of that are pretty slim. Rodney continues to watch the screen in apprehension as the shuttle reaches the surface and touches down.
Lorne tells his men, "Get as close to the crash site as possible."
"Can you tell if he's alive?" Carson asks.
"Not yet." Rodney's voice is soft and emotional, "Wait."
The sensor beeps and Rodney's tone changes to one of smug satisfaction, "I'm detecting one life sign."
John's shaky voice comes in over the com, "That's one week's pay you owe me, Rodney."
"You know, technically, I didn't take that bet." Rodney laughs.
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Once they are back on Atlantis, John pays Teyla a visit in the infirmary. Carson says she is fine, but he is taking every precaution and monitoring her just in case there is a side effect from the re-materialization.
The two of them chat for a bit and John is surprised to hear her defend the man's actions. She is sympathetic that he tried to save his people; although he did not survive the rematerialization, he saved the last of his kind, through John.
"It's not the reason I did it." John frowns.
"I know." Teyla smiles at him.
Making a joke to clear the air of any undue emotion, John tells her, "Don't go feeling special now. I would have done it for any one of you."
"Of course." Teyla says as John turns to leave.
"Except maybe McKay." he mutters comically.
"Yes," Teyla calls after him, "I think even for Rodney."
John smiles and calls over his shoulder, "Maybe."
As he alone walks into the hall, he sighs. 'Of course for Rodney. Especially for Rodney.'
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After dislocating his shoulder on that moon base, it has taken a couple weeks for Ronon's arm to heal completely. In the meantime, he hasn't let John forget his promise to fight to the death, since technically the moon did burn up in the atmosphere.
Every time Ronon reminds him, John makes a face and just says, "Looking forward to that."
Their conversations lately haven't lasted much longer than that. In fact, over the past months Ronon has barely gotten John to interact with him off duty. He knows John isn't upset with him. Still, for some reason John is avoiding him. It's weird that he makes time for McKay; Ronon's seen the two of them playing chess more than a few times.
But tonight John has finally agreed to face Ronon in the gym. As he enters the room, Ronon sees John is already holding some of Teyla's fighting sticks; his eyes have a fierce gleam to them. Ronon doesn't need to ask if John is ready, he grabs some sticks of his own and takes a defensive position.
John comes at him in a brutal and sudden show of force. Ronon deflects him easily. Usually John is more calculated in his attack, saving his strength for a moment when Ronon has his guard down. But Ronon doesn't hold back, he swings without mercy and glances John across the side of the head.
There is a look in John's eye, a clench to his jaw that says he is out for blood. John rushes back in, throwing his body into series of brutal strikes. Ronon rolls into them, flipping himself around, stopping each blow, and finally kicking John's feet out from under him. Before John realizes what has happened, Ronon is helping him up and retreating to a ready stance.
The fight continues like this for over an hour, Ronon is getting a solid workout but John is being soundly beaten. Normally, Ronon would tell him to stop and go to the infirmary, John must have a few cracked ribs and blood is running down the side of his face. But for some reason Ronon knows John needs this and wouldn't forgive him for backing down.
So Ronon keeps attacking until John is gasping on the edge of sheer exhaustion. He catches him under the knees and John goes down again. Thinking they are done, he sets down his sticks.
Without warning, John tackles him from behind slamming them both down to the floor. The wind is knocked out of him and Ronon is stunned for a second. Then he is aware of John's fists battering into him. Using his superior size to twist out of John's hold. He grapples with John until he has him flat on his back, pinned and unable to move.
"You about done?" Ronon asks.
"I don't know." John pants, "You dead yet?"
"Close enough." Ronon smiles, "Let's get you up to see Beckett."
Releasing John and standing up, Ronon offers a hand. But John doesn't move, he just stares blankly up at the ceiling. A strange kind of hush has fallen over the room, one Ronon feels he should not break.
The side of John's head is bleeding from a gash in his scalp and on the other side blood is dripping from a wound just under his eye. With the hollow expression on John's face, and blood running down his cheek, it creates a macabre illusion of tears.
Somehow this moment feels like the closest Ronon has gotten to the truth. John is dropping the mask and letting Ronon see the pain. He sits on the floor next to John. He wants him to know that he will wait with him until he is ready.
Wondering what comes next, Ronon silently waits. Since losing his home world almost 9 years ago, John has been his closest friend. It goes beyond saving his life; the loyalty John has shown him says more than the unspoken words between them ever could.
It burns him up inside watching John in this stranglehold of pain and not knowing how to help. Ronon thought John trusted him; he thought he had earned that trust by now. But Ronon is coming to realize that John is a man of many layers, and he suspects that John is perhaps more haunted and tortured by grief than Ronon is himself.
Right now, with John lying here next to him it is plain to see, but in a flash it will be gone and Ronon won't know how to get through. He sighs and places his heavy hand on John's shoulder, patting it affectionately. John's face crumples up for a moment and then he goes blank again, shaking his head.
Before John can completely shrug this off, Ronon grips his shoulder, "John… You gotta talk to somebody. Whatever's going on with you-"
"I can't." John wrinkles his face in disgust.
"You're gonna have to, at some point." Ronon presses, "If you don't trust me… There's gotta be someone else."
"I trust you Ronon, I-" John frowns and looks at his friend, "it's not about that… It's, I…"
John sighs heavily, "There are some… things from my past that are- they're catching up to me now and I'm…"
He looks away from Ronon, "I'm having a hard time not hating myself right now. I couldn't really handle it if one of my friends hated me too."
"You think I could hate you?" Ronon scowls. He doesn't care what kind of atrocity John thinks he has committed, nothing could change the loyalty he feels.
After a quiet moment, John tells him honestly, "I can't risk it."
"So, you don't trust me." Ronon growls.
"I do. It's not that. I just-" John goes silent again.
Ronon stands up in and shrugs in defeat, "You don't trust me, John."
There is no reply, so Ronon walks to the door. Before he leaves, he mutely looks back one last time. John is still lying there, just staring up at the ceiling.
The day after the sparring match, Ronon manages to exchange a few words with John in the hallway, apologizing for the physical injuries but John won't hear him out. He insists that Ronon was just being a friend and says he appreciates it.
Using the advantage of the moment, Ronon reminds that John that in a couple weeks Atlantis will start implementing Sundays as a mandatory non-work day. He suggests they spend the day together catching up. When he offers to let John choose what to do with their time off, he finally agrees.
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As the weeks go by Ronon sees John isn't getting any better. He looks worse, dark rings under his eyes, barely a smile, ducking out of every social interaction he can. Making plans with John had seemed like a small victory, but as their 'off-day' approaches, John seems more distant than ever.
Ronon decides to have a talk with Teyla to see if she can help. The two of them go for a private lunch, which is easy now that John is always missing and Rodney is usually with Katie. They sit out on a balcony overlooking the sea.
"What is it you wanted to talk about, Ronon?"
He leans back on the bench, enjoying the sun radiating against his skin. "Have you noticed anything weird with John the last few months?"
Teyla reflects, "Yes, now that you mention it, he has seemed rather distant and-"
Ronon interrupts, "He's in pain Teyla, I can't get him to talk to me about it but something's really wrong."
"Should we not ask Dr. Beckett-"
"No." Ronon cuts her off, "Definitely not. Not that kind of pain. He's fine on duty and we don't need to involve anyone in his personal life."
"Then perhaps we should also let it be private." Teyla wonders.
"You haven't seen him like I have Teyla." Ronon shakes his head, "Something is breaking him down inside. It's killing him but he won't talk about it. If it were one of us, I know he would try to help."
"How do you propose we do that?"
"I dunno. I was hoping maybe you'd have some ideas?"
"Well, I suppose all we know, is that something is wrong. If he does not want to tell us, all we can do is be more watchful and careful. Until we know more, or until there is something obvious that we can do to assist him…"
Ronon sighs.
"You're a good friend Ronon," Teyla assures him, "he is lucky to have you. I'm sure this will resolve itself and he will be himself again. At least Rodney seems to be doing well. I would go so far as to say he seems downright happy. So, once we get John back to normal, I think we'll be all be better than ever."
"How long has McKay being dating Katie?" Ronon thinks out loud.
"Oh." Teyla raises her eyebrows, "I don't know. I believe it was shortly after his near death experience with the Ascension device."
"So," Ronon pauses, "It's been almost 3 months, then. That's about the same time John started coming apart."
"You think there could be a connection?" Teyla asks.
"Maybe." Ronon is unsure.
Teyla considers it, "You are not suggesting that Katie Brown could be the source of some romantic rivalry?"
"No." Ronon dismisses the idea, "Definitely not. Besides, whatever's going on is something darker and deeper in the past. –But at first I did wonder if it was something like that. Like maybe he was heartbroken."
"Really?" Teyla looks skeptical, "The Colonel?"
"I know, it doesn't sound like him." Ronon admits, "Yeah, it's not that, I realized it has something to do with the past. He's acting like he's committed some terrible, unforgivable sin."
"Are you sure?" Teyla cocks her head.
"Look," Ronon shrugs, "that's is the best I've been able to get out of him."
Teyla looks puzzled.
"I just wish there was more I could do." Ronon tells her he appreciates her confidence, then he reminds her, "Well we're supposed to see him tomorrow, so he can teach us how to play golf."
"Oh yes," Teyla brightens, "Sunday already."
After a moment she asks, "Ronon, do you not think perhaps it would be better for the two of you to spend some time alone? If you want to try to talk, then I could excuse myself."
"If you think that'll work." Ronon smiles, "I don't know if you're getting out of it that easy. I want to hang out with him and all, but I was kind hoping to get out of the 'golf' game myself."
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