Chapter 44: Edward
Bella and Rose had been gone for a while, and I was starting to worry. Jasper kept throwing calming waves at me and I responded with a glare. He just shrugged and did it again. I sighed and shook my head, looking out the window in the direction Bella and Rose went when they left. I couldn't hear anything from Bella's mind, and Rose's thoughts were broken, like she was almost out of my range.
"Don't worry about them, Edward. Rosalie wasn't hostile when she left. More curious than anything, actually," Jasper said.
"I can't help it, Jasper, not knowing that the Volturi are out to get her. Someone is here now, if what happened to her house is any proof. What Rose said before doesn't help, either. I know it's true." I sat down on the couch and ran my hand roughly through my hair.
"They need this time if they are ever going to live peacefully together, Edward," Carlisle said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
I didn't respond, instead focusing on Rose's mind in the hopes that I could get enough from her to know exactly what was going on. I didn't, of course, but I could tell that something had happened between them. Rosalie's mind was much calmer, instead of nervous and curious as it had been earlier.
"Don't bring it up again when she comes back," Alice said. "Give it a little while before you try apologizing again."
"Are you sure?" I asked, staring at the coffee table.
"Yes. If you bring it up as soon as she comes back, she'll only shut down again like she was when she first came here. She won't let you close to her."
"I really messed up," I mumbled, and Emmett smacked me on the back.
"Yep, and just so you know, if you drive her away with your protective crap, I'll make sure you can't remember your own name," he said, and I scoffed.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, brother."
"No problem. Just doing my job."
I shook my head and stood by the window, staring between the two trees Bella had walked by before she disappeared into the woods. The bushes just beyond them swayed slightly with the breeze, mocking me with their movement as I waited for Bella to emerge from between them.
The others took their seats around the coffee table and talked strategy, but I paid them no mind. As long as I didn't know where Bella was, the battle was the last thing from my mind. Besides, I knew they were discussing the powers the Volturi had in their ranks and how we could protect ourselves from them. Our only option was Bella's shield, which we knew we would be relying on from her vision. I really didn't know what else there was to discuss.
"Sit down, Edward," Esme said, walking up next to me and wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "If she feels you standing at the window, she'll know you've been watching for her. That won't help your case."
I couldn't really argue with that, so I followed her back to the couch and sat down, staring at the coffee table as I continued to listen for Rosalie's thoughts. Another few minutes passed before her thoughts grew stronger, signaling that she was coming back towards the house. She was thinking about what Bella had told her, mainly what her husband had done to her before he and the rest of Bella's family were killed, but she wouldn't go into anything specific. I could hear a second pair of footsteps in the background of her thoughts, so I assumed Bella was coming back with her.
Let her come to you, Rose thought, knowing I was listening. If you try to approach her too soon, she'll just back away. She knows I showed you what we talked about. Don't mess this up.
She showed me Bella's face, how she had a far-away look in her grey eyes as she relived memories from so long ago, memories no one but she and Rose knew about. To my surprise, Rose showed me their conversation. Anger boiled in me as I listened to Bella talk about her late husband, and it took all of my control not to jump up and run away with her when the front door opened.
Calm down, Edward, Jasper warned me. She'll feel your tension if you don't knock it off.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm myself down before Bella got too close. My hands were tensed as I gripped my knees, images of Bella being hit and screamed at still floating through my mind. I just couldn't imagine someone doing that to her. I told myself he was lucky he was already dead because he wouldn't have lived much longer. I jumped as Bella's hand gently touched my shoulder.
"Do you understand now?" she asked, and I nodded.
"Yes, I do," I said, my voice tight.
"Don't be angry with him, Edward. He is long dead. You must remember that marriages like mine were not unusual back then. It seems despicable to you now, I know, but that was common when I was growing up. Growing up and experiencing what I did is exactly why I won't let anyone control me and why I won't let anyone else fight my battles."
"I still don't like it," I mumbled, turning to look at her. She was looking straight ahead but turned toward me when she felt my movement.
"You don't have to. I don't, but it's made me who I am. I can't forget that."
She squeezed my shoulder lightly and I felt myself start to relax. I put my hand over hers as I continued to breathe deeply, pushing the images from my mind as I thought over what Bella had said. It was true, our past experiences helped shape us, but I still couldn't imagine someone enjoying intentionally causing a person like Bella pain. She didn't give me too long to think about it, though, as she walked around me and sat down to my left, her arm pressed against mine. She turned her hand until her palm was up and ran her finger down my arm, taking my hand when she found it. All I could do was stare, I was so surprised. The familiar zap as our skin touched was a welcome feeling after my mess up, and so was her sigh as she leaned into me slightly. We definitely needed to talk.
"What have we been discussing?" she asked, like everything was normal. Out of pure curiosity, I spread my fingers just a tiny bit to see what she would do. To my amazement, she threaded her fingers through mine and listened to Carlisle as he filled her in.
"We were listing the abilities within the Volturi guard and how we would be able to counter them, but we made very little headway. Jasper can use his ability to slow them down, but that doesn't stop powers like Jane's that attack the mind. As far as we can see, we'll need to rely on your shield to block both their advances and their abilities," he said, and Bella nodded.
"I thought as much. Alice can use her visions to help her own battles, and that goes for Edward's mind-reading, but you, Emmett, Esme, and Rosalie all will really need to watch out for yourselves. We'll need to keep the battle field small for me to be able to cover all of you for an extended period of time while giving you room to battle. I don't know exactly how long I'll be able to keep it up as it is."
"While we're practicing hand-to-hand, maybe that's what you should be working on. Find a way to cover us but not deplete yourself too fast," I said, squeezing her fingers lightly.
"Mmm, yes, but I'll still need a little hand-to-hand warm-up. I can do that closer to the day of the battle, though, and give my eyes time to heal. Then we'll know exactly what I need to focus on, depending on my degree of sight."
"Speaking of your eyes, dear, shouldn't you be resting?" Esme said, and Bella shrugged.
"I suppose. There's really nothing else I can do here. You guys can decide how you want to train and I'll try to sleep." She stood but didn't let go of my hand. "You and I have some things to discuss beforehand, though, Edward."
No one spoke as I followed Bella out of the living room and led her up the stairs to my room, her hand not loosening its grip on mine. I closed my door behind us, a fruitless attempt at privacy in a house with superior hearing, and brought her over to the couch. She sat down slowly, letting go of me to feel for the cushion, and I sat next to her.
"You are confused," she stated.
"Yes, just a little," I mumbled. "What's going on with you? You're . . . changing."
"Is there something in particular?" she asked, obviously fighting a smile.
"Well, it looks as though you know exactly what I'm talking about, Isabella Swan," I said, turning in my seat so that I was facing her. "Why are you so touchy all of a sudden?"
She was silent for a minute, staring at the wall across from her. I looked for Jasper's mind, trying to see if he was reading her emotions, but he was too focused on possible battle scenarios. I watched her as she thought, looking at the smooth curve of her cheek as it disappeared behind her hair. It was a dark color, her hair, not black but still a very dark brown with a nice shine. It made the light grey of her eyes brighter, more noticeable. They still weren't the shining silver Carlisle remembered, but they weren't the stormy grey they had been before she went blind, either.
"I've never had someone I could lean on," she said softly, drawing my back from my observations. "My parents made me independent from a very young age. I really never learned to trust anyone. I never had a reason to. I let myself have allies, but I never got the feeling that anything would last. It was no surprise to me that it never did. This is . . . different."
"How so?" I asked, trying not to sound too desperate for information.
"We are allies, your family and I, but there's something else there. I feel like I can allow myself . . . friendship, like I can get close to all of you. I've been fighting it for decades now, convincing myself that it was for the best. After everything that's happened over the past few days, though . . . I don't know if I want to." She looked down, her hands clasped tightly in her lap as she bit her lip.
"You feel like this is your family, too," I guessed, and she slowly nodded.
"'Mother of us all.' Isn't that what Emmett called me? In a very twisted way, I made myself a family. The thing is, I'm just finding out that maybe . . . I like it. I like having a family to turn to, that looks out for me and is always there when I need them. I don't feel as alone anymore," she whispered, and I put my hand on her knee.
"Bella, you need to know, accept, and understand that all of those things you just said, about us looking out for you and being there for you, they are all true as long as you need us. You are more than just a friend to us, please know that." I took her hands in both of mine, trying to convince her. She moved her hands so that one of mine was intertwined with one of hers, raising her head so she was looking just to my right.
"I do know that," she said, giving me the closest thing to a real smile that I had seen in a very long time. It was quickly broken, though, as a yawn fought her.
"You need to rest, but I don't have a bed. I can set you up here on the couch," I said, squeezing one of her hands.
"I just need a blanket. You don't have to go too crazy."
I stood up from the couch and grabbed a comforter from the hallway closet. Bella stretched herself out on the couch, resting her head on the arm and bending her legs closer to her to make room for me as I came back. I draped the blanket over her and she nestled her face into it, inhaling deeply. I moved towards the door, but a small "wait" stopped me. I turned and looked at her in confusion.
"Stay?" she asked, moving her feet to gesture at the free cushion, and I walked back over to her.
"You sure?" She nodded once and I sat down, putting her legs across my lap. She was asleep almost immediately.
