Chapter 48

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

AN1: TRIGGER WARNING FOR ATTTEMPTED SUICIDE.

An2: Thank you for the support. PLEASE REVIEW.


August 2nd 2012

It has been a few hours since Phil's funeral and none of the Carter-Starks, Rhodey, Clint and Pepper have seen any sign of Melinda since she walked away from Phil's funeral.

"It's been hours. Melinda should have called by now." Pepper says, concerned.

"She really should have." Clint confirms, as Maria's phone starts to ring.

"Hill." Maria answers, "Yes Sir. No sir. Of course. Yes, we'll handle it." Maria says to the person who she is talking to.

"What is it?" Natasha asks her sister.

"About twenty men at a dive bar that is known for its criminal element have been attacked, all wounded, nothing too serious, and a bottle of scotch has been taken." Maria explains.

"Why is Fury calling you about that?" Rhodey asks, knowing that it would have been Fury who called.

"Because the person who did the attacking is a small Asian woman in her forties." Maria explains.

"Mel." The others say.

"Yep." Maria confirms as Tony walks over and picks up his tablet.

"Her phone's here. She must have left it behind." Tony reveals, "We've got to find her."

"Okay. Clint go to yours and Phil's place, she might have gone there. Rhodey, can you check some of the other properties our family owns, you know where they are." Natasha says, looking at Rhodey.

"Sure."

"Pepper can you stay here in case Mel comes home?" Natasha asks and Pepper nods, "You two are with me." She tells her siblings, both of whom nod and everyone but Pepper leaves.


After leaving the house Natasha, Maria and Tony head straight to Melinda and Phil's place, all three of them coming to the decision that if Melinda's not there then they will split up and look anywhere that they can think of where Melinda might have gone.

Heading out the back first Natasha, Melinda and Maria are glad to find that Melinda is out the back, but as they approach their sister who is lying in front of Daisy's grave, with the cards that Steve gave her and a picture of her, Daisy and Phil in front of her they can all tell that something is wrong.

"Mel." Maria says kindly as she and her siblings approach her.

"Ria." Melinda says, looking up, her voice slurred and it is clearly not from the empty bottle of scotch.

"Mel? What have you taken?" Natasha asks her sister as she hurries over to her and kneels down right in front of her.

"I'm going to see them again, Tash. Daisy and Phil, I'm going to be with them again." Melinda tells her sister, sounding amazed, while Natasha searches around Melinda and find an empty bottle of pills, pills that Melinda clearly took from someone in the bar.

"Keep her talking, keep her awake, I'll be right back." Natasha says before running as fast as she can back into the house.

"Why would you do this Mel?" Tony asks his sister, kneeling down too, as he brushes her hair out of her face.

"I just want to see them again." Melinda tells her brother, "Daisy, Phil, Dad, Jarvis, I just want to see them again." Melinda says, tears rolling down her face, as her eyes flicker open and close.

"And you will one day, but not today." Maria tells her sister, "We need you Mel, just hold on until Tasha gets back."

"I'm getting tired." Melinda tells her siblings.

"Don't you dare close your eyes, just stay awake, Mel." Tony tells his sister as Natasha runs out of the back door, "TASHA RUN." He yells and Natasha starts to run even faster.

"Mel, drink this." Natasha says, trying to get Melinda to drink something in a cup that both Maria and Tony think smells completely horrible.

"No, I need to see them." Melinda says, "Please, Tash, I want to see them, let me go." Melinda requests, trying to move away from the cup.

"I'm never going to let you go." Natasha says as she takes matters into her own hands and forces Melinda to drink the liquid. Within a few second Melinda starts to be sick, "There you go Mel, let it out." Natasha says as she helps her sister and Maria moves the cards and picture to make sure Melinda doesn't vomit on them.

"What was that?" Tony asks as he smells what's left of what was in the cup.

"Something that always works." Natasha answers.


Two Days later

It has been two days since Melinda attempted suicide and ever since Tony, Natasha, Maria, Pepper, Rhodey, Clint and Sharon, who has retuned back from The Hub, have made sure that Melinda is never alone, even though she has mostly been unconscious.

It is about three am and as she wakes Melinda is a little confused about what is going on but then she realises that she is in her own bed.

"Mel? You awake?" Tony's voice asks and Melinda turns to see her brother sitting on the couch.

"Tony, what are you doing here?" Melinda asks her brother.

"What do you remember?" Tony asks as he walks over to her.

"Daisy's grave. I just wanted to see them." Melinda realises as Tony sits down on the edge of her bed.

"You took a bottle of pills, thankfully Tasha had something that made you sick." Tony explains.

"Oh." Melinda says and she avoids looking at her brother.

"Look Mel, I know you've had more taken from you than anyone should have to, and I know that all you want is to see your daughter and Phil again, but killing yourself isn't the answer, even if it seems like it is." Tony tells her, "When I was in Afghanistan, when they were torturing me every day, I thought about just ending it." Tony says, causing his sister to look at him surprised as she never knew that, "But then I thought of you, and Tash, and Mel, and Mom, and everyone else who I love and I realised I can't give up on all of you, and you can't either." Tony tells his sister, "Life's not easy, it's hard, ours more than most, but you can't give up. I know that you want to see your girl, and everyone else who has been taken away, but you don't want to do it like this; they would want you to keep going, you know that." Tony tells his sister, "Our family has lost so much, don't make us lose you too." Tony says, "You're not alone Mel, I'm here for you and so is Tash, Ria, Rhodey, Clint, Pepper, and Sharon. You're not alone, you'll never be alone, we'll always be here for you, but we need you to not to give up, we need you to keep fighting, we love you." Tony says and Melinda, having no idea what to say, just hugs her brother, "Just talk to me next time you think about it, please." He begs.

"I will." Melinda promises as she just hugs her brother, knowing that the desire to see her daughter and best friend again won't go away, but she will try harder to resist it.


August 29th 2012

It has been over three weeks since Melinda and Tony talked after Melinda tried to kill herself and since then those closes to Melinda are still concerned about her and Melinda herself has been spending basically all her spare time with Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, and because he has been spending a lot of time in New York, Bruce.

Even though she has wanted to visit her father since the Battle of New York Natasha has been worried about leaving Melinda so she hasn't gone, but now she is feeling pretty secure in leaving so she has gone to see her father, this time armed with some evidence that may just help him.

"Hey Dad." Natasha says as she sits down next to him.

"Tasha." Howard says, "Aliens, portal, was that real?" he asks his daughter.

"Yeah, Tony's fine so don't worry about him." Natasha tells her father.

"Are you sure?" Howard asks his daughter, it being clear that he is worried.

"I'm sure." Natasha answers as she pulls a captured image from the Hellicarrier security out, "Dad, I want you to have a look at this." Natasha says as she hands the photo over, "Look Dad, it's Tony and Steve. This was a month ago. Steve's alive, he's been found."

"No, you're trying to trick me. It's not Steve. I couldn't find Steve! I failed Steve!" Howard says, sounding upset.

"Dad, look at the photo it's Tony and Steve, it's him Dad, I promise." Natasha tells him, desperately wanting him to believe her.

"It's not Steve, he wouldn't wear that. I's too much like his dancing monkey suit." Howard says, remembering what Steve used to call the suit he first wore, "It's not him, can't be him." Howard says before he continues scribble.

Watching her father Natasha sighs, and realises that she is going to have to try and figure out another way to get Howard to believe that Steve is alive, but she suspects that the only person who might be able to convince Howard that Steve is alive, is Steve himself.


September 1st 2012

It has been two days since Natasha showed her father the picture of Tony and Steve and even after showing her father actual footage from both the security cameras on the Hellicarrier and footage from the Battle of New York Howard still didn't believe that Steve is back.

As she hasn't spoken to her partner in a while Natasha heads straight to the apartment that Phil and Clint did share instead of going back to the house when she gets to DC. When she gets to the apartment Natasha doesn't even knock she just lets herself in.

"CLINT." Natasha calls as she walks in.

"Nat?" Clint's voice asks coming from his room and so Natasha heads there and she is surprised by what greats her, Clint sitting in the corner with a look of horror on his face.

"Clint? What is it? What's wrong?" Natasha asks as she walks over to him.

"I killed them. I killed so many." Clint tells Natasha, "I see them, I see them all."

"It wasn't your fault, Clint. Loki was controlling you." Natasha informs him.

"I still fired the arrows." Clint says, "It didn't even occur to me to fight, everything just felt so calm, so tranquil."

"You didn't fight because Loki took that desire away from you." Natasha informs her partner, "Loki took everything you were away from you." Natasha tells her partner as she comes up with an idea, "How about we get away for a little while." Natasha suggests.

"Where will we go?" Clint asks.

"Away." Natasha answers and Clint nods.


A few hours after Natasha suggested to Clint that they should get away Natasha stops her car at the house in the country that Howard gave Peggy for their twentieth anniversary.

"What is this place?" Clint asks Natasha as they get out of the car.

"A place that Dad gave Mom. It's a really good place when you need a safe escape." Natasha reveals.

"Safe escape, huh? That sounds perfect." Clint admits, "How long can we stay?"

"As long as you want." Natasha tells him, "The only people who have ever known about this place are my parents and siblings."

"What about Fury?" Clint asks as they head inside.

"He might know." Natasha comments and Clint nods as they head inside Clint being incredibly thankful to his partner for helping him with everything.


September 15TH 2012

It has been two weeks since Natasha took Clint to his parents Anniversary house and ever since they have been there, Clint trying to come to turns with what he was forced to do while Natasha helps her partner.

It's a Saturday afternoon and Melinda and Tony are walking into Phil's room at his and Clint's apartment.

"You sure you okay to do this?" Tony asks his sister concerned.

"Fury gave me a choice, either I pack it or up or a S.H.I.E.L.D team will." Melinda explains.

"I'm not even surprised, really nice guy, that Nick." Tony says sarcastically, "If you need to leave, just let me know." He tells Melinda who nods and the two of them start to pack Phil's stuff into boxes.

For a while Melinda and Tony just work in silence, Tony spending more time watching his sister out of the corner of his eye rather than packing, but as far as he can tell his sister is doing okay, or she is just pretending to be.

"Mel?" Tony asks concerned as his sister freezes, "What is it?" he asks, walking over to her.

"This is the shirt that Phil was wearing when we first met." Melinda reveals as she pulls a shirt out of the draw.

"Captain America, I'm not even surprised." Tony comments, amused.

"I've tried to steal this shirt from Phil so many times, he would always steal it back." Melinda says as she carefully folds the shirt up, "Still smells like him." Melinda tells her brother who squeezes her shoulder in comfort, as he does Melinda looks down in the draw, and as she does she sees something in the bottom of the draw.

"Are they….." Tony starts to ask.

"Yeah." Melinda confirms as she picks up keys, "Let's go." She tells Tony and the two of them head out of the room, leaving boxes all around, but Melinda takes that shirt with her.


A few minutes after leaving Phil's room Melinda and Phil walk into the garage where Phil kept Lola.

"Hello, you beautiful girl." Tony says hurrying over to the car and running his hand along the bonnet.

"Car Tony, not person." Melinda reminds her brother, being pretty sure that the only person on the planet who loves Lola almost as much as Phil, is Tony.

"She's so much more." Tony responds as Melinda opens the driver's side door and gets in, putting the shirt safely on the console, "She's yours now, right?" he asks as he remembers Phil saying something to that affect once.

"Yeah." Melinda confirms, "Never thought it would actually happen." Melinda says as Tony opens the passage side door and gets in.

"I know." Tony responds and the two of them drift into silence, "So, we going to go for a drive?" Tony asks curious after a little while.

"Yeah, I think we are." Melinda says before putting the key in the ignition and starting Lola before driving off and as she drives Phil's prized car Melinda feels close to Phil again.


October 19th 2012

It has been a month since Melinda and Tony took Lola for a drive and ever since, whenever Melinda has been wanting to feel close to Phil, Melinda has taken Phil's well-loved car for a drive. As of a couple of weeks ago Natasha and Clint have returned from the house that Howard gave Peggy and a few days after that they both started working with Steve, which is a surreal experience as working with Steve is almost exactly like how her parents described it to be.

It is a Friday night and Clint, Natasha and Steve are completing paper work at the Triskelion, or more specifically Clint and Steve are, Natasha left half an hour ago without an explanation, though Clint suspects he knows just what she is doing.

Just like Clint suspected she would Natasha returns to where the three of them were doing paper work forty-five minutes after she left with pizza and beer.

"For you, Captain." Natasha says as she puts a pizza in front of Steve, "And for us." She says walking over to Clint.

"This is my favourite pizza." Steve says surprised when he sees what's inside the box, "How'd you know?" he asks as he doesn't remember mentioning that to Natasha.

"It's in the history books." Natasha answers and hearing that Clint takes a drink of his beer to hide his laugh, knowing for a fact that Natasha knows that, not because of history books, but because Peggy and Howard told her.

"That kind of stuff is in the history books?" Steve asks surprised.

"Yep, you'd be surprised what is." Natasha informs Steve, telling the truth as there are things in the history books that Steve would be surprised about, but his favourite pizza isn't one of them.

"Right." Steve says and the three of them drift into silence as they eat, Steve wondering what else about him is now in history books.


January 28th 2013

It has been three months since Natasha first used 'it's in the history books' as an excuse for why she knows random facts about Steve and ever since then she has used it quite often and every time she does Clint asks her how long she thinks she can get away with that.

In the last three months a lot has happened as Tony threatened a terrorist, his Malibu house got blown up, his Iron Man suits were destroyed, Tony was reported as dead, something which distressed his sisters, though they didn't have to worry long as Tony contacted them as soon as he could to let them know that he is okay, and Tony moved to New York permanently. Something else that has happened in the last three months is both Melinda and Clint healing more than before. It is clear to everyone who cares about the two of them are still not okay, but they are better than they were.

It is four am and Maria has been called to Fury's offie, something which she knows never means anything good. As it is so early Maria isn't at all surprised to find that Fury's assistant isn't arrived yet and so she just walks straight into the office.

"Secure office." Fury says as soon as Maria walks in, "Read this." Fury says as he hands Maria a folder.

"The project TAHITI? I thought that was shut down." Maria comments.

"It was. Read the file." Fury instructs and Maria sits down and continues to read, becoming more shocked the more she reads.

"Coulson's alive?" Maria asks shocked.

"Yes." Fury confirms, "We're going to do the memory replacement in the coming days." Fury explains.

"Mel deserves to know." Maria informs her boss.

"I know. I have an idea that I want to discuss with you." Fury reveals and he starts to explain to Maria all about what he did to bring Coulson back and what will need to happen to try and assure that Phil stays okay.


February 4th 2013

It has been a week since Maria found out that Phil is actually alive and since then she has been learning, from Fury, all about what was done to Phil and why it is important that he doesn't know the truth.

It's early one morning and for the last half an hour Melinda has been in Fury's office with Fury and Maria reading the TAHITI files, or at least the ones that Fury is willing to show her.

"Is he okay?" Melinda asks, once she finishes reading the files.

"Yes, and according to the doctors he will continue to be as long as he doesn't know what was done to him." Fury informs Melinda, "And I need your help to be sure that that he does continue to be okay, that he doesn't know the truth." Fury tells Melinda.

Hearing that Melinda looks down at the files and even though she hates, with a firing passion, the fact that Phil was put through so much pain, that he suffered so much, she can't deny the overwhelming joy she feels at knowing that Phil is alive and she knows that she will do whatever she has to make sure she doesn't lose Phil again.

"What do you need?" Melinda asks Fury.

"You know Phil better than anyone, you'll know if his reaction is normal or something to be concerned about. I want you to report directly to me, inform me if he starts to deteriorate mentally or physically." Fury explains, "I am going to give him a team, I need you to figure out who you think he would want for that team so that we can figure out a short list of candidates that Phil will can pick from." Fury says, "I'll give you access to everything you need."

"Yes Sir." Melinda answers, "I have one condition." She tells him, "Tony, Tasha, Clint, Pepper, Sharon and Rhodey get told that Phil is alive. They deserve that." Melinda says, thinking about Clint who is still beating himself up over what happened.

"It's too much of a risk to tell them about the procedures." Fury tells Melinda, as he is pretty sure that that it will just make things so much more complicated.

"Then tell them the eight second lie. Mel's right, they deserve to know. We can say that he's spent the last few months being touch and go, and you're only comfortable telling all of us now because it looks like he is going to be okay." Maria suggests as she agrees with her sister, it's not fair to keep this from Clint, Natasha, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Sharon.

"Okay." Fury says, agreeing.

"Good. I'll get to work." Melinda tells Fury before she gets up and leaves the office.


February 8th 2013

It has been four days since Fury informed Melinda about Phil and he agreed to tell Tony, Clint, Natasha, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Sharon the truth.

It's a Friday and because everyone is so busy it is the first chance that they have had to get everyone together in one location so that they can talk about the truth.

"Okay. Any idea what this is about?" Tony asks as he, Rhodey, Pepper, Clint, Natasha and Sharon arrive at the house at basically the exact same time.

"Nope." Sharon answers.

"Tasha?" Tony asks as they head inside, figuring that she likely does.

"Not this time." Natasha answers.

"Jarvis, where is Mel and Maria?" Clint asks.

"Miss Melinda and Miss Maria are in the office with Director Fury." Jarvis answers, and after exchanging looks the group of six head to the office.


A few minutes later Clint, Natasha, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Sharon walk into the office where Fury is standing the other side of the room than Maria and Melinda.

"Okay, am I the only one who can feel the tension in the room?" Tony asks Rhodey curious.

"No you're not." Rhodey answers.

"Sharon can you press the button." Maria requests, knowing that her cousin will know.

"Sure." Sharon answers before pressing the button by the door which locks down the room and makes it so that no cell signals work and that the only communication that does is the desk phone.

"What's going on?" Natasha asks, looking between her sisters and Fury, reading them to get an idea about what is going on, though the only thing he can tell is that her sisters aren't happy with Fury.

"On Monday Fury told me something that he told Maria only a week ago." Melinda reveals.

"What is it?" Clint asks.

"Phil's alive." Maria answers, causing Pepper to gasp while everyone else looks shocked.

"How?" Rhodey asks, being the first one to be able to find words.

"He did die. He was clinically dead for eight seconds, but the medics managed to get him back." Fury reveals.

"You said you saw his body." Tony says to his little sister, remembering that.

"I did." Maria confirms.

"I used drugs and procedures to slow everything about Phil down so he appeared to be dead so that the medics had more time." Fury explains, "It was touch and go for a long time, and it honestly didn't look like he would survive." Fury reveals, "He's spent five months in a coma and has just been realised from the ICU and has been moved to a private rehab facility in Tahiti." Fury explains, he being the one to do the majority of the lying because he has the best chance of no one being able to tell he is lying, or more specifically he has the best chance of getting away with lying to Natasha. Hearing Fury's explanation Natasha, Sharon, Clint and Tony are a little suspicious but they all know that they can't accuse Fury of lying until they have more evidence.

"When can we see him?" Clint asks.

"He'll be back from Tahiti in the beginning of April. You can see him then." Fury answers.

"Is he okay?" Tony asks.

"Yes." Fury confirms, "But as far as anyone under level seven are to believe he's still dead." Fury tells everyone.

"What about Captain Rogers and Doctor Banner?" Sharon asks.

"It's better that they don't know, not yet." Fury tells them.

"You should have told us long before now. Melinda especially." Pepper informs Fury, causing everyone to admire her guts.

"As I said for a long time it didn't look like Phil was going to survive. I thought it would be better to save you the pain of losing him twice." Fury says his eyes lingering on Clint and Melinda for a brief second.

"You mean if we knew he was alive then you couldn't have used his death to motive us." Tony says angrily, "The bloody cards wouldn't have had the same affect if we knew he was alive. You had no right to keep this from us, we're his family." Tony says angrily before storming out of the room, having unsecured the room before leaving.

"Let me go." Melinda tells Pepper and Rhodey, both of whom go to follow him, before following her brother out.


After a little bit of searching, and some help from Jarvis, Melinda finds her brother in the garage, staring at all the cars that belong to the Carter-Stark's one of which is Lola.

"How are you so calm about this?" Tony asks his sister as she puts her hand on his shoulder.

"I've had a few days to digest it." Melinda answers, "But, I'm not okay. I'm angry, so angry, that he didn't tell me sooner, but I'm so happy that he's alive that I can't bring myself to lash out." Melinda admits.

"There's something Fury's not saying." Tony tells Melinda.

"Usually is." Melinda comments.

"Do you know what?" Tony asks curious.

"No." Melinda lies.

"Phil's alive." Tony says amazed.

"Phil's alive." Melinda confirms and the two of them drift into silence.


Three days later

It has been three days since Natasha, Tony, Clint, Rhodey, Pepper and Sharon were told about Phil being alive, though not the complete truth, and even though they are all feeling a lot of anger at Fury they are all so happy that Phil is alive.

It's Monday morning and Melinda is meeting with Fury and Maria in Fury's office.

"So these are your final parameters?" Fury asks.

"Yes. A small team would be best, younger agents especially would be Phil's choice, he likes to mentor." Melinda says, "I've looked through the files that you two vetted and here are the three potential specialist that Phil should have to choose from." Melinda says, handing the files to Fury.

"Good." Fury answers, "And the engineer and bio-chemist?" Fury asks as he knows that Melinda said that they would be what is needed.

"I have a question about that, Sir. Why are two kids who have never been out of the lab, never had any field training, on the top of your list for those roles?" Melinda asks her boss as she found that rather surprising.

"Because they are the best in their fields, and Phil is going to need the best if things go wrong." Fury says, leaving out the fact that he has another reason why he wants those two agents on a team with Melinda and Phil, a reason that directly affects all of the Carter-Stark family, a reason that he isn't prepared to share yet.

"That they are, but it still concerns me that they have had no field experience." Melinda admits.

"Noted." Fury tells her.

"Have you decided what your role in the team will be?" Maria asks her sister.

"Pilot, not combat or field work, not unless something happens with Phil." Melinda explains and both Maria and Fury nods and the three of them talk all about the team, and what they are going to have in place in case something happens with Phil.