Thank you for all the reviews! My hand is slowly getting better, but I have to take great caution not to over do things, so the updates are not as frequent as I would wish them to be.

As for any pairings: just wait and see, I guess it'll all work out for you in the end ;)
As for the rest: Derek won't get killed, I can guarantee that. Meredith and Amelia's relationship is going to develop further and for the rest: just wait and see!


Chapter 53

Work keeps our minds active, it keeps us out of trouble. When we're not working, our hands are idle and the devil will find work for idle hands to do. And when you have an idle mind, well, that's the devil's playground too.


Derek looked up to the door. The pasta he had prepared two hours ago was cold by now "You are late again." He told his exhausted wife.
"Not super late." Meredith smiled and put her coat into the closet.
"But late anyway…" Derek walked up to her and kissed her. He loved to wait for her "Your new attending, the one you don't tell me anything about, must be an ass."
"Oh, SHE is a nice person most of the time." Meredith giggled.
"You could tell me it's Bailey, I already know." He nodded. He had no clue who it was, she thought.
"Well, you might be wrong. But I assisted on a super bad ass surgery, so it's cool." She said. "Cold pasta?"
"I was invited to give a talk with Dr. Springer about the early stages of our trial, I think you should come with me." Derek smiled. Meredith wondered if he was onto her.
"What about the kids?"
"Amy can look after them- even though she's pretty busy these days – I hardly get to see her and we are working in the same department." Derek noted.
"Maybe you don't know what's going on in your own department." Meredith smirked as she finally understood that Derek was unaware of her secret mentor.
"I don't have a clue, do I?" he smiled and kissed her.
"No, you don't."


Dr. Sanders walked through the ER and looked for a resident. "Dr. Kepner, do you have a minute?" he wondered when he saw the red head.
"I'm going to get fired, won't I?" April looked up at him with widened eyes.
"No, but I would like to talk to you in my office later today." He smiled. "There's something I'd like to discuss with you"
April didn't quite hear what he was saying "If you want to fire me, do it now, I know I haven't been on top of my game lately." She insisted.
Dr. Sanders nodded and tried to calm her down "The military asked me what you are going to do after you finished your residency, so I just wanted to hear what you are planning to do after next year. Seattle Grace is one of the best trauma centers on the West coast."
"You want to offer me an attending position?" April starred at him.
"A fellowship." He corrected her "You are a good surgeon, Dr. Kepner. You don't give up. General Simpson said you were in Iraq for three months."
"Yeah, I just had to get away, learn. There were so many GSWs there, but you learn and you get to do a lot on your own." She missed the easy life there. It had been life or death and nothing inbetween. The intensity of every moment was something that made her heart go quicker. "You learn that every man is worth fighting for and you are helping your country because you are saving the people that defend our freedom overseas. You don't rest, ever minute there is this intensity."
"DO you contemplate going back?" Dr. Sanders wondered.
"I… honestly… I don't know." April said. She had nobody here.


"What the hell did you use my credit card for Amber? $150 you can't be serious!" Alex screamed at Amber when he walked into the kitchen.
"I'll pay you back." Amber said apologetic. Obviously her brother had forgotten what she had spent the money on
"What did you use it for? That's a lot of money." He wondered "It's not for this Ethan kid, is it?"
Amber packed her books and walked out of the room "A dress for graduation. You said you'd take me and then you cancelled because you were paged."
"Oh, that's right." Alex couldn't breath. He had given Amber shit for paying with his card even though he had promised to pay for the dress "I'm sorry. -and you don't have to pay me back obviously."
Amber bit her lips and looked at her brother "Do you want to see it?"
"Sure." Alex nodded and followed her.
"I might need help with the zipper though." Amber said. In fact she knew she needed help. The assistant in the shop had helped her.
"I only have experience with unzipping." He joked.
"Ugh Alex, seriously!" Amber was grossed out. "That's so inappropriate."
"You look hot, kiddo." Alex said "Mom would be proud if she saw you." He added when he saw her in her dress.


Morning had broken and beams of sunlight were shining through Owen's firehouse windows. Amelia and Owen had been awake for the better part of the night. "That was…" she meant to say unbelievable, but by the time she had wanted to say unbelievable Owen had carried her from the bed room to the kitchen counter where now her ex fiancé was looking at her from the couch.
"James!" Amelia yelled "Christ, what are you doing here? Are you following me?"
"You know him?" Owen looked at her in surprise.
"He… " she tried to explain, but stopped after the first word when she realized she was naked, she ran back into the bed room.
"Yes" James nodded.
"I offered him a place for the night" Owen explained and saw Amelia coming out of his bed room again. She was fully dressed now. "What are you doing?" they both wondered.
"I have to go" she said "Oh my God, my life has turned into a horror show and all I can do is to stand back and watch"


When George walked into their bedroom, he didn't see his girlfriend. Ever since her mother had died, she hadn't moved. She had cried and she had sobbed and she had starred at the ceiling with red eyes unable to sleep, but now she was out of sight. "Anna, I've come to get you. You're going to this meeting. It starts in 20 minutes. Anna?" George looked around and finally found her on the floor. "Where are you? Oh, are you okay? Where's the nanny?"
"I didn't like her. So I fired her" Anna said and George figured that Sophie had probably been at the daycare center for that very reason.
"Oh, great. Great. That's just great." He mumbled. For the past week he had taken care of Sophie on his own. He had even lied about what Anna had been doing. She had been away.
"Why are you ..." Anna looked at him from the ground "I thought that I could do it on my own. Apparently, I was wrong."
"Did you fall? Are-are you okay?" he wondered.
"Do I look okay?" Anna sobbed.
"I'm putting you in the shower." George said.
"No, just get out! Hey!" she tried to fight him off
"Do not talk to me that way." George yelled.
"Please! Please get out!" she insisted.
"Anna, Did you hear me? You did this!" he said with a firm voice "You've been in here for four days now. The funeral is tomorrow, you have to shower and you have to get up"
"I can't even take care of myself!"
"Yeah, and it's a problem because you now stink!" he said and lifted her into the shower "This bedroom stinks! Anna, look at me. You will get up now"
"Oh! Get off of me!" she hit him, but he hugged her tighter until she started to cry.
"I am not sharing my home with anybody - who smells like this! –" George said
"Get off of me! Get off of me! - Get off of me! –" Anna tried to get back to the floor, but George was stronger. "No, I'll stay here and watch the big American Bake Off and you better get the hell out of here before you die too.
"I have nowhere else to go!" he said "This is my life now, too! You know, I was, too."


Meredith saw Cristina in the locker room. She wasn't sure whether she should make the first step and talk to her or whether Cristina still needed some time on her own. "Why are you mad at me?" Meredith sat down next to Cristina. They hadn't talked.
"I'm not mad at you." Cristina looked up at her friend.
"You haven't been talking to me in a week. – I've been busy, but we never went so long without talking." Meredith reminded her.
"I'm mad at myself. I hate feelings." Cristina admitted "They should be stuffed away inside a little box, but right now they are flying all over the place and I can't avoid them because your little loverboy banned me from the OR. I feel like a loser."
"You're not. You knew everything when you started. Others can't ever learn what you were born with. You can't help that." Meredith told her friend. It was something she used to hate her mother for, but it was true for Cristina too.
"God, the women in these magazines... Some of them are actual brides, you know, they're not all models. All smiling... It's like the only thing in the world that matters is that they find the perfect shoes to match that dress." Cristina sighed "God, you know, I knew these girls, I went to school with them... It's funny. I used to feel sorry for them. They're simple girls. They just wanna find the guy and get married, you know? Live. I don't know, I think you're either born simple or you're born... me. I wanna be the person who gets happy over finding the perfect dress, I wanna be simple, 'cause they can just live. Owen bought a ring before he dumped me. He was going to propose and I… I couldn't do that. You have kids and you are happy, but that's not me, I'd hate that child and I couldn't live with that feeling…"
"Cristina, it's okay." Meredith nodded "You don't have to get married"


"Dr. Peterson. You paged." Meredith walked into Trauma 2 where she found Samantha Parker.
"You can call me…" James tried to lighten up the mood.
"Oh, I prefer not to mix business and personal stuff" Meredith said "Where's the patient?"
"This is precisely what everyone is doing here." He reminded her.
"Okay, fine, James. Amelia is not my best friend right now, so I'm a little biased. If you are pissed that she didn't show up here, that's not on me." Meredith clarified her point of view.
"She fled the state and didn't tell me where she went, not my definition of unbiased." He sighed.
"You are the fiancé" Meredith finally concluded.
"She told people?" he asked and mumbled "That's so humiliating."
"No, her mom did" Meredith paused "- and she told me, I'm pretty sure your secret is safe with me. She told me not to tell anyone – so I'd appreciate if you don't mention this conversation to her. Did you take the job because of her?"
"It's desperate" he laughed
"Pretty much." Meredith nodded.
"Dr. Grey, do you wanna have coffee?" James tried to ask her out again.
"Oh no, I don't think it's a good idea." Meredith insisted.
"You call her Amy, she hates that name." James smiled.
"Only Mark and Derek get to call her Amy, I know." Meredith giggled.
"So you've heard of Mark and Derek." James noted "Your mentor-mentoree relationship must be pretty close."
"I'm married to one of them and my oldest carries the name of the other one. Heard might be an understatement." Meredith smirked. Even though Amelia avoided James whenever she could, James was easy to talk to.
"You must be the slutty intern." James shook his head.
"Oh, you heard about me all the way back in Baltimore. I must be famous -and a lot more fun." Meredith winked.
"Get those tests done." he said.
"What about surgery?" Meredith wondered.
"Let's try to treat the symptoms."
"Why don't you want to look for the cause. Yeah, so what do you want to talk about… when we go out for coffee?" Meredith wondered.
"Normal stuff, I had ramen noodles for the past four weeks, I'm living on someone else's couch and last night I started to talk to my television and this morning Amelia ..."he paused.
"ever thought of leaving? I mean she doesn't want to talk to you." Meredith looked at the chart.
"She's scared." James told Meredith who didn't quite understood what he meant.
"-and she might be on drugs." Meredith joked.
"She's using again?" James wondered.
"Oh no, I don't know. I wouldn't trust her with my kids if she did. You showing up here – it brought up a lot of feelings – but she has her trial and she's a good surgeon. She's a runner, so if you want a chance wait for her to come back."
"I think she's worth waiting for."
"I'll do the tests now."


All attendings that currently had 4th year residents under their service were gathered in Dr. Sanders office. It was about time to pick the person that would be the best Chief resident. All of them had applied. Alex Karev had organized the African Orphan project, Meredith had taken part in many trials, Cristina Yang was Cristina Yang, George had made tremendous progress and was well liked among all members of the staff, Jackson was an Avery and April Keppner had served abroad for three months. All of their accomplishments had been collected in their files. "I paged all of you to decide on a new Chief resident. I'm suggesting Meredith Grey." Sanders insisted. He saw Meredith everyday now and thought it would come in handy when communicating major changes and the most important issues.
"Why would you do that? She's really busy with our trial and she has two kids and…" Bailey looked at him, but Arizona and Owen were talking at the same time "What about Alex Karev? He organised the African Orphan project." "Or April Keppner, she's a very organised person?"
"I'd suggest Cristina, but honestly, everyone in this room knows she's not good with people." Teddy laughed. Cristina was still walking a bunch of interns through a very special regime of post ops.
"I want Avery, look at his family tree, he's a natural leader. He doesn't realize his full potential, but I learned to work with him, he isn't completely useless anymore." Mark smirked.
"What about George O'Malley?" Bailey wondered.
"If we continue like this, every single resident is going to be on the list. What do you think, Dr. Shepherd?" Dr. Sanders looked at Derek.
"I can't vote for my wife for obvious reasons, even though I think she'd do a great job. But I do agree with Dr. Altman on Cristina." He said and wondered why he was supposed to have a say in this. No resident was in his department "She's someone who's meant to be in the OR, not stuck in an office."
"So Yang is out of the mix." Sanders nodded.
"And so is Grey- I need her to work with me." Bailey insisted. She and Amy had to make sure that Meredith got the time in the OR she needed. Sanders had briefed her before the meeting.
"I want Avery and I won't go out without a fight." Mark looked at Sanders.
"I'll observe O'Malley, Keppner and Avery this week and we'll get back to this table." The Chief nodded "Ladies and Gentleman, thank you"


Lexie was sitting in the gallery and looked at Amelia and Derek who were removing a tumor. If the surgery was successful the patient's FSH levels would return to normal.
"Why is Zola here?" Meredith wondered when she came in.
"Oh, we are watching her daddy operate. She asked me to take her here." Lexie smiled.
"Yeah, he's been crazy busy lately." Meredith nodded "I guess that's all I get to see him these days. It's the adenoma, isn't it?"
"Yeah, intranasal approach. I would have loved to be in there." Lexie sighed.
"I should be in there, I mean, I caught it." Meredith nodded.
"He doesn't know that you should be in there." Lexie reminded her "If you would tell him about neuro, you'd probably be in there."
"I can't tell him. I mean, I don't even know if it's going to work out. Amelia is sending me to do all the consults she doesn't want to do" Meredith laughed.
"Preferable the ones with dr. Peterson." Lexie teased her "What's the matter with those two anyway?"
"You will find out soon enough…" Meredith suggested "I mean you are not the only one who doesn't know what she wants."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"All this will they/won't they drama with Mark and Jackson… it's not normal." Meredith took Zola and hugged her.
"I'm with Jackson." Lexie nodded.
"Then stop babysitting Maria while Mark goes back to his apartment to watch College Basketball." Meredith suggested.
"He doesn't go out? Why would he pretend to go out and leave his daughter with me?" Lexie wondered.
"I think you know the answer."
"So he's doing this because he still loves me."
"Grow up, Lexie. He's doing that because he knows that you don't know what you want. One day it's Mark, one day it's Jackson and the next day it's neither and next week you're back to any one of them. Grow up and figure out what you want. Mark is a good guy and so is Jackson and what you are doing is just as bad as what Owen has been doing to Amelia and Cristina."
"Screw you!" Lexie got up and left Zola and Meredith in the gallery


Mark, Derek and Meredith sat on a table in the cafeteria "What's the matter with Amy?" Mark wondered when he saw her walking into the room and turning around the second she saw Dr. Peterson.
"Her fiancé showed up" Meredith bit into her apple "Let me tell you it's not a pleasant feeling"
"You were so much fun when Derek showed up here" Mark smirked.
"Shut up, Sloan" Meredith mumbled.
"I'm just saying…" Mark looked at her.
"He's pretty nice though" Meredith admitted.
"You worked with him?" Derek asked in surprise.
"Yeah, all week last week and all I got to do were sutures and write about 40 doesn't believe in surgery." Meredith rolled her eyes.
"James?" Mark smirked again.
"I heard he moved in with Owen." Alex who sat down next to Meredith suggested.
"Oh, that's going to be so much fun." Mark laughed.
"Look after her, please. " Derek asked Meredith.
"I'll do it." Meredith nodded even though she didn't know what Derek would think that they spend time together.


Two day later Meredith and Derek had left Seattle for a conference in San Francisco. It would be three days without the kids that Meredith thought they both needed. Ever since Amelia had started mentoring her most of her day was off limits to him. After Derek handed over the car keys to the valet, they walked to the registration desk. "Hello, I'm Dr. Derek Shepherd and this is my wife. We would like to sign in. Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital." Derek smiled at the young girl at the desk. She ticked off his name and handed over his name tag, but it took her some time looking for Meredith's name "Ms Shepherd, I'm afraid I can't find you here" she smiled politely
"It's Dr. Grey." Derek suggested.
"Oh, Ellis Grey." She nodded and ticked off that very name on her list "Here you are. Hope you have a fine day!"

Walking away Meredith rolled her eyes "Ellis Grey? Ellis Grey?" she looked at Derek and didn't quite now what to say "Why would Sanders use my middle name? Everyone is going to think I'm nuts: Ellis Grey. I should insist on getting a new name tag."
"Or you went to a kick ass plastic surgeon." Derek smirked.
"Shut up."


Amber walked into the house and Alex followed her. Neither one said a word and Alex was unsure about how to approach the issue. "What were you thinking?" he yelled after he had closed the door.
"I just wanted to let loose" Amber said "Do you have any idea how stressful those exams can be?"
"If you want to let loose, you don't do it in school." Alex said "You'll be suspended. This is going to be on your record."
"Why do you even care?" Amber wondered.
"Because I'm your brother and I don't want you to end up"
"… like dad?" Amber asked "You know he's on a tour right now."
"How do you know?"
"I googled him." Amber said and showed Alex her phone.
"I thought we talked. Seriously Amber, last week you buy a dress with my credit card and now you smoke pot." Alex lectured her "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Dad is an addict."


George sat on a bench next to Callie "I get how you felt with Sofia now. Honestly Callie, with Anna being like that…" he paused and looked at Callie for a second. "I can't do it. I never realized how much work a child can be."
"Her mom died, just give her time to process that" Callie suggested.
"Sophie has been asking for her – and honestly, she's in a state where I'm not sure if she should see her." George sighed.
"When I was hiding in the closet, I wasn't nice to look at and Arizona knew what I needed" Callie said "she'd take Sofia with her and both of them would just sit next to me. It doesn't matter if you can help, it just matters that she knows you are there."
"She kicked me out of our bed room -and she fired the nanny" George informed Callie.
"Wow, didn't expect that to happen." Callie nodded
"Good luck with your boards" George smiled softly.
"I don't need luck George, I'm that good." Callie smirked "And you are good with kids, Sofia is happy when she's with you. I guess Sophie won't be too unhappy about it."


The conference started out with an opening dinner. Meredith had been to several occasions like those and had always detested the level of smalltalk involved in those kick off events. At least Dr. Springer was there. Derek was already at the table when a young African American woman introduced herself to Derek "It's my pleasure. I'm a huge admirer. If I told my mom, well not my mom, because she doesn't understand my fascination for medicine, but my real mom"
Meredith interrupted her "Whom you never met because you were adopted right after you were born."
"Meredith" Maggie said with a hint of digust.
"Oh, you are Maggie, it's a pleasure to meet you." Derek extended his arm for a hand shake.
"You are Derek Shepherd." She said and shook his hand.
"Yeah, and you are Meredith's half sister." He nodded.
"I thought you were dead." She said.
"I never said he was." Meredith looked at Maggie.
"You just never told me the truth" Maggie nodded "Everyone at the hospital wondered who turns down an offer from MassGen? And I couldn't tell them, but now I get it."
"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Pierce." Derek said while pulling his hand back.
Maggie hugged Meredith and whispered "You lied to me, we talked so much and you lied to me, you probably knew you were my half sister when we met the first time. And then after months you call me and tell me that the guy … that he's dying. Meredith, I didn't ask for this and I'll go now."


In the meantime, Lexie and Owen were standing in OR1 after a trauma case had come in.
"What's the matter, Grey?" Owen asked when he noticed that Lexie was slightly distracted. She was still thinking about Meredith's words.
"I'm mad at Meredith. She said something and I think she's right." Lexie explained "I have those two guys -amazing guys- and they are in love with me."
"And you don't know which one to choose" Owen nodded. He wasn't unfamiliar to a problem like this
"Yeah, I mean… I don't know… Jackson… it feels good, he makes me feel good and Mark… we'd not work out" Lexie stuttered while she tried to give suction.
"Why did you and Dr. Sloan not work out?" Owen asked.
"He wants marriage and kids and houses and I was afraid of commitment." Lexie admitted.
"Why?"
"Well, I'll still be a resident for a couple of more year and then I'll be a fellow and then I'm supposed to get my practice up and running. I'm just not ready for commitment. I mean I want kids, but not right away, not soon, and then there's Maria… and I had a plan and …" She was trying to be sensible.
"sometimes plans are just that. Cristina doesn't want kids- that's different. You are just afraid to step forward and face the reality." Owen told her.
"Doesn't that apply to Amy too?" Lexie wondered.
"What do you mean?"
"Her fiancé show's up her and she refuses to talk to him."Lexie told him.
"Who is her fiancé?" Owen wondered.
"The guy on your couch -Dr. Peterson." Lexie rolled her eyes.
"That's why she left the other morning." Owen nodded.
"and that's why she's hiding from both of you"


Derek looked at Maggie and Meredith who were sitting at the same table, but refused to acknownledge each other's existence "I need a drink. One single malt scotch please." Derek told one of the servers when they arrived
"Tequila" both Meredith and Maggie ordered at he same time.
"Wow, must be genetic" Derek smirked, buth both Meredith and Maggie rolled their eyes.
"I have to go, I really have to go" Maggie said
"Yeah, I have to go now and check on my kids" Meredith nodded "You four have fun"
"you have kids? Like in multiple?" Maggie wondered and looked at her "You never mentioned…" She was an aunt.
"One boy, one girl." Derek nodded "That's Christopher and that's Zola. We adopted her from an orphanage in Malawi."
"Everything okay?" Derek wondered.
"Meredith Grey." Dr. Springer finally figured out "She's your sister."
"Half sister" Maggie insisted "Yeah, you figured that out, too. When I found out I was adopted - when I found out I had a sister, I always imagined first, I was gonna win her over with my talent and charm, and then I found my sister or she showed up at my workplace, and we got along great. She told me that I'm her sister and then she leaves and I don't hear anything for months. I think I hate her. She's terrible."
"- She's not. She's –" Derek paused and tried to think of an adjective that was apt to describe her.
"What am I doing? I have parents good, funny, kind, goofy parents. I don't need any screw it. Screw her. I am just fine without adding any random, unwanted blood relatives into my life. Oh, gosh." Maggie stammered. She looked at the tequila in front of her and told Derek "I'll pay you back tomorrow."
"Not necessary." He insisted.
"Why are you smiling?" Maggie wondered.
"Because I remember how Meredith reacted when Lexie showed up." He laughed.
"Who is Lexie?" Maggie wondered "We never really talked about Seattle."
"One of her paternal half sisters."
"I liked her, when we were working in Boston, I really liked her, but then she disappeared."
"She's hard to get to know, but once you know her." Derek said "She's worth knowing."


Cristina was changing bed pans. This was something she had never done, but since she had been expelled from the OR, she had done more grunt work than she had in her intern year, but she looked grumpy most of the time. An old lady looked at her "Why do you look so miserable, dear?"
"You wouldn't want to know." Cristina rolled her eyes.
"It's a man, isn't it?" The woan wondered.
"It has to be, it always has to be…" Cristina mumbled "because women can't have a problem men are not involved in, can they? Isn't that what you think."
"No. I was an engineer, I never got married, but I had a passion. I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart." The woman said "I guess a loving woman is indestructible. You, dear, seem to be heart broken and lost".
"I was banned from the OR. I'm not allowed to do the one thing I'm good at. -and my ex has a new girlfriend- so that's that. My life sucks right now." Cristina said "the surgery part does."
"You want him back?"
"No we wouldn't have worked out anyway, I want to be a surgeon, he wants a family. But it's dragging me down anyway."
"It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone."


"Fricking crap! I hate you! I hate this!" Meredith sat in her toilet booth and cried. Usually live and death decisions weren't something she wasn't used to, but usually the patient or the family made the call whether they wanted a specific surgery. Now she was this family. "Why would he even do this? Decide if I die or life, it was so much fun with Ellis why don't you…I can't… I can't do this."
She noticed a sound and when she looked up she saw Maggie's face "Are you okay?"
"I am, sure." Meredith nodded "I do sound fine, don't I?"
"What's the matter? I'm a good listener, you know." Maggie offered.
"You wouldn't want to know." Meredith said.
"Try me, you just blared out your mother's name. And you seem to be, well, certainly not fine about something."
"I shouldn't talk to you about this. It's about…"
"your mom and my biological father?" Maggie interrupted her.
"I was going to say the guy my mother had an affair with, but yeah, I guess he's your bio dad – and apparently I'm his medical power of attorney. Can you believe this?" Meredith coughed "I mean obviously you don't know the whole story, but just let me tell you… he's the reason my parents' marriage fell apart. Ellis loved him. She never got over him. She… I… I don't know. He wants me to decide… why would he put a decision like this into my hands without even telling me?"
"He isn't able to make it himself?" Maggie asked in surprise.
"He has stage 4 cancer. They tried to resect it, but he's in a coma – and on the verge of organ failure. They are going to send me his labs and everything." Meredith said "and I have to make a decision"
"He doesn't have anyone else?" Maggie wondered.
"Well, his wife has Alzheimer. It's actually kind of ironic, my mom…" Meredith breathed in. So far nobody outside Seattle Grace knew.
But Maggie added "had it too."
"How do you know?" Meredith asked in surprise.
"I got my genetical history when I was twelve, a lot of adopted kids do." Maggie admitted "and Derek told me last night"
"So what am I supposed to do?" Meredith looked at her sister.
"I don't know. Look at the charts." Maggie suggested. "Would you recommend the procedure to your patient?"


Two hours later Meredith and Maggie sat in Maggie's hotel room and Meredith went through his labs "He's dying, isn't he?" Meredith wondered. Meredith hadn't said anything for twenty minutes and there was this look of concern on her face that no normal doctor would miss.
"Certainly looks like it. " Maggie nodded "It's weird. The first thing I see of my biological father are his medical charts. Can you tell me something about him?"
"Apart from the fact that he's the reason my childhood was completely screwed up, he's a nice guy." Meredith laughed "He mentored me before he got sick and he promised Ellis he'd look after me. Well, lately I was looking after him but I guess that's a different story."
"How did they meet?"
"They were residents at the same hospital. She was the only female resident and... "
"he was the only black resident." Maggie nodded.
"Yes. Anyway, they were both married and Ellis had me. She had me in med school and I was the child she never wanted." Meredith's eyes teared up. Ellis had never made her feel loved, but yet she had kept her.
"You were the child she kept." Maggie suggested "Don't get me wrong, but she gave me up for adoption. So they had a one night stand?"
"No" Meredith said and looked at the charts for a minute "for my mom he was the love of her life. She never got over him and she got cold. She wasn't a warm person. I'm not sure about Richard. He never divorced his wife."
"Do they have kids?" Maggie wondered.
"No."
"So she gave me up because he didn't want me?" Maggie wondered "He must have known about me"
"No, I think she never told him. Hardly anybody knew. I only found out when I was pregnant and reading through one of her journals." Meredith said.
"She wrote about the pregnancy?
"No, she didn't write much about her private life. I'm hardly mentioned in the story, but she wrote lists of hat she had eaten everyday and she stopped drinking wine while writing. So she wanted you to be fine." Meredith said "I could try to find that journal. She wrote everything down, she was very tedious that way."
"Why didn't you mention anything when we met in Boston? I mean you knew back then, didn't you?" Maggie asked "You never mentioned your name."
"I never knew or well I could have known, but I had a million other things on my mind… It was difficult, hard…"


"Jackson, I'm glad you came. Congratulations on becoming Chief resident." Dr. Sanders greeted him.

"I was surprised." He said when he sat down "Please tell me you picked me based on recommendations, not on my last name. But that's the reason, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but you were the obvious choice." Dr. Sanders explained

"Because my grandpa is Harper Avery." Jackson sighed.

"No, because you were a leader. People listen to Averys."

"Let Yang or Grey do it"

"Grey?" he wondered. Meredith had been his original choice, but for some reason her two mentors had disapproved.

"Meredith Grey. She's…Never mind, I have to go, interns to teach, patients to save. I never applied for the job." Jackson said "and if you picked me based on my last name I don't want it either."

"Wait!" Sanders insisted.

"What do you want?" Jackson wondered.

"I need an ally."

"An ally? This isn't war, Dr. Sanders. Respectfully."

"Can you page Dr. Grey for me?" he wondered. "Lexie Grey."


James walked towards Amelia and Zola. It had been a long day and Amelia was happy that it wouldn't be too long until her brother's return "Zola, we have to go." She said.
"He wants to talk." Zola looked at Amelia.
"Well, he can talk to somebody else." Amelia smiled, but James had caught up by then.
"Amelia."
"James, I'm not going to do this in front of my niece." Amelia told him firmly.
"When are you going to do this? I tried to talk to you all day." James insisted "I tried to talk to you ever since I saw you."
"You showed up at my hospital." Amelia told him.
"I didn't know you worked here until the interview." James told her.
"So you knew when you made the decision." Amelia nodded.
"It was a good offer and not everything is about you -and you still haven't answered my question."
"Can we go now, Amy?" Zola pulled her arm and looked at Amy.
"Isn't running off to Seattle enough of an answer?" Amelia told James.
"Why don't we talk tomorrow night? 8.30 pm, I'll pick you up here." James tried to offer.
"I don't think there's anything to talk about."


When Derek returned to the hotel room, Meredith was waiting for him on the bed.
"What are you doing?" he wondered when he saw her.
"Oh, you've been so busy Dr. Shepherd" Meredith smirked.
"Now I'm Dr. Shepherd again?" he wondered flirtatiously..
"Get undressed."Meredith pulled him closer and kissed him.
"What's going on?" he wondered.
"You haven't been home the last couple of days, I missed you and I just want to show you how much I missed you. And I can't do that unless you take off that shirt."
"Maybe I should stay at the hospital more often if you are this welcoming when I come back." He joked.
"Oh, I have you all for myself tonight -and tomorrow we'll be back in Seattle and there will be duckies in the tub and right now it's just you and me."


Owen looked at Alex who was rather distracted during surgery. He held the clamps and gave suction whenever he was supposed to, but he lacked the passion Owen used to see in Alex "Who do you choose if you truly love one person, but she's never going to give you the future you want? She's the right kind of messed up. But you don't love her the way you love the other one." Owen asked.
"Maybe you shouldn't be with anyone until you have figured out what you want instead of hurting both of them." Alex said "sometimes it's better to not try to hard."
"How do you decide?" Owen wondered "Surgery can be done two ways and both ways might kill the patient."
"You look at yourself and you pick what feels right for you and when you decide you forget all about the pain and hurt it might cause and you go with that decision." Alex said "Can you excuse me for a second?"


Before driving home, Meredith made a quick stop at the house. Alex had texted her 911 and asked her to talk to his sister after the pot incident. "Amber, Alex is trying. He's really trying. He's taking time off work to be there for you." Meredith told Amber.
"Who are you? The teenager police?" Amber looked at her and tried to get back to her books.
"Angry attitude? Whole world against you? Been there, done it" Meredith nodded "Doesn't get you anywhere. You can get into a decent college, if you don't screw up now. You are smart. You can get a degree and, well, you don't really have to worry about what comes after that. A boy is not worth ruining your life for!"
Amber who had appeared to be uninterested until Meredith said boy looked up "How do you know it's a boy? Alex doesn't know." Amber admitted.
"It's always a boy with us angry teenage girls. So who is he?" Meredith asked.
"Are you going to tell him what we talked about?" Amber wondered.
"No. Promise." Meredith said
"Ethan, he's in my class, he's a musician, they play in a band. He's very talented. And an amazing kisser." Amber blushed
"Don't tell me the specifics, just promise me to be safe and to wait until…"
"… marriage?" she looked sceptical.
"No, god no, until you are sure that it is what you want" Meredith laughed "and cut Alex some slack. He only tries to look out for you. He's trying."


"you can't talk to a patient like that" Amelia dragged Meredith out of a room. She had just told Samantha Parker that pathology said the adenoma didn't contain cells for FSH or LH, but the FSH was still high.
"that's why people don't trust you inside their OR, that's why they don't want you to be Chief resident" Amelia told Meredith "Sanders wanted you to be Chief resident, but Derek and Bailey spoke up against it."
"You didn't just say that." Meredith looked at Amelia "I'm right, Amelia. I had a right to tell her. And why are you lying to me? Derek would never do that."
"He did. You had a right to tell her attending. Next time you notice something like this, you talk to me and don't pull this crap." Amelia yelled at Meredith.
"She was right though" James leaned over to Amelia and whispered into her ear. "and I'm still waiting to have those fries with you"


Amy stormed into Derek's office. This was the first hint of Hurricane Amelia he had seen ever since she had shown up at his door. "Derek, you have to fired Dr. Peterson" she insisted.
"He's an ER doctor. That's not my department" Derek told her.
"You have to" Amy insisted.
"What happened Amy?"
"Don't Amy me. He's impossible." Amelia ranted.
"What happened?" Derek asked again.
"He asked me to marry him" Amelia blarred out.
"Wow, that was quick" Derek noted.
"Not here, in Baltimore." Amelia said.
"And you want me to fire him because he followed you? Is he a stalker?" Derek wondered.
"No, but yeah, isn't there some rule against this?" she wondered.
"There isn't actually." He looked at her with a hint of concern "You two can do whatever you want or don't want."
"Everyone knows about Hunt and me… " Amelia said
"Dr. Peterson doesn't." Derek guessed.
"Oh he does, believe me, he does…" Amy blew off some steam, but she couldn't tell Derek the story.
"He's new and he seems to care about you." Her brother said.
"Yeah, and that's the problem. I don't want to drag him down with me -you know how I get." Amelia said "I don't want to destroy him"


Meredith, Cristina and April had hit one of the night clubs close to the hospital to blow off some steam, but as being a 4th year resident meant that they still had to take care of interns, it wasn't long until one of them received a page. Meredith ran into the hospital in her heels and ran into Derek with her black dress. He kissed her and she excused herself and ran to the lab where a helpless Bailey was trying to rescucitate one of the mice while Dr. Hilman was standing behind her.
"observe all of them. Ten of the mice are in critical condition" Bailey told Meredith.
"interns do it" Meredith mumbled and looked at Dr. Hilman who smiled apologetically.
"no, Meredith, this is important, I trust you" Bailey said
"So please tell me, why am I here`?" Meredith wondered "This is my night off and there are two of you"
"Five of the mice developed hypoglycaemia." Dr. Hilman explained.
"That shouldn't have happened. What did you to do them?" Meredith grabbed the charts out of the intern's hand.
"Grey, calm down. Dr. Hilman didn't do anything wrong. They were inserted correctly." Bailey said
"So the problem comes with the devices. and that was me thinking I could have a night out." Meredith nodded and grabbed a lab coat.


George and Jackson sat in one exam room to hide from everyone else "I look at April and oh… my imagination will get me a passport to hell one day." Jackson said. All of this had started the second he had gotten back with Lexie "I only started to get back with Lexie, but now I look at her and it feels like I want her. I know this can't happen"
"because you love Lexie." George nodded.
"Yeah"
"What about your proposal, I mean you bought that ring and now it's sitting in a box in your drawer in the nightstand?" Jackson tried to change the topic.
"She's in no condition, her mom died" George explained "She.. needs time".
"Maybe sometimes we should just ignore the circumstances and do things, take the next step." Jackson suggested.


Alex walked into Amber's room. She had disappeared after Meredith had talked to her and he was surprised to find her on her bed with one of her biology books in front of her "What are you doing?" he wondered.
"Studying. My final exams are in three weeks." Amber said
"I can help you." He offered and grabbed one of the books.
"I don't need help Alex, I 'm fine, but thanks."Amber nodded.
"I want to be there when you graduate." Alex said
"I probably won't be allowed to go to the ceremony after the other day" Amber sighed. "But it's okay, we can do our own thing."
"Well, we could have our own ceremony. I'll take you out for a milkshake." Alex suggested. Before he went to med school Amber used to love milkshakes at the diner.
"Oh, a milkshake is all I'm getting?" Amber giggled "I'm kidding, you know that, right?"
"Yeah" Alex nodded
"you know it makes me feel rather good deciding not to be a bitch" Amber told him "at least I'm trying"


As most other residents were walking, George, Jackson and April had decided to toast on Jackson's big promotion on their own. He would be Chief resident. "To Mercy West" April raised her glass. "Who would have thought that we'd get so far"
"I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why we are so amazing friends." Jackson nodded and toasted to both of them. While George was quick to reprocicate the gesture, April starred at Jackson mumbling "Friends, yeah…We are friends"


Callie sat down on George's side of the bed. Anna was siitting on the other side while George was at work. "You get to be mad. You get to have all of your feelings as long as you know, you have to know that she loved you and that's not going to change"
"My daughter, she doesn't understand what's going on. Intellectually, I get that, but every time she asks, "where's daddy?" or "where's granny?" I have to remember to breathe." Anna cried and Callie took her hand "It's always the same thing. I tuck her in. I say "I love you," she says, "I love you," and then she says "where's daddy?" And I tell her again. I'd almost gotten used to it. But last night was different. My daughter has reached acceptance. She knows her grandma is never coming back and called George Daddy and it breaks my heart."
"Honey, you can have more than one dad. George chose to take care of Sophie and he's Sofia's dad and he's amazing at it. It'll be okay." Callie smiled.


Meredith had just gotten home when Amelia walked into the house "I can't do it." Amelia kept walking up and down the room.
"Do what?" Derek wondered.
"Get engaged, look after the kids, I can't." Amelia repeated. While Meredith and Derek observed Amelia who walked up and down the room.
"James is a nice guy." Derek insisted.
"But you don't have to get married." Meredith said.
"My mom likes James." Derek smirked.
"and your sister doesn't love him, do you?" Meredith looked at Amelia who was still struck for words.
"I don't know if I do -and he said the words – and I just looked at him and ran." Amelia stopped.
"You came here straight away?" Meredith wondered.
"No, I was in surgery all night – and now I'm freaking out." Amelia said "So please someone, tell me what to do."
"Come here, we'll drive out to the woods and go fishing." Derek tried to calm her down.
"I'm not going fishing with you." Amelia said "I need to cut. I could be in the OR all day and just ignore him."


"Dr. Grey told me to find you." The intern smiled.
"What does she want?" Dr. Bailey looked up from her salad.
"We compared healthy and hypglosemic mice. It looks like the islet cells are being rejected." The intern summarized the notes on her flipboard.
"So, it's not the device. That's good." She nodded "It could be a reoccurance of auto immunity."
"Or a problem with the ingraphment which you checked." Dr. Hilman nodded.
"Maybe it's not the cells being rejected. Maybe there just not surviving because of other causes." Bailey said. "So we should check for signs of rejection.
"Exactly." Dr. Hilman held up her fist "Bump me." Bailey ignored her


At first, idleness can seem like a welcome distraction: The troublemaking and the fun. Everyone needs some idle time to focus on something other than work, even if it means focusing on something that's a little bit scary. Stepping back from work is the only way to change perspective. And it's only after we had everything in perspective that we remember where our hands truly belong.


"What do you want Owen? I have a patient." Cristina looked at her ex boyfriend. Owen had paged her to his office and now she was looking at him.
"You make me sad. You think that surgery is going to make you feel, you think a successful career is gonna make you happy, you think you know things, you know things and nothing else matters. No one else matters. People do matter. I matter. We...we matter. So you don't get to toss me aside. I won't let you" he walked up to her "I love you"
"Owen, we have to let each other go. I love you, but a cut cannot heal unless you leave it alone. If we keep talking it's like opening mine daily, leaving the bones exposed. So we shouldn't be working together. I'll be in the OR with Dr. Altmann" Cristina said and turned around.