A/N: Next chapter is finally ready! Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews. It's appreciated immensely and it definitely helps me get my ass in gear and get the next chapters out.

The tournament is only a week away. Zoro feels pretty damn prepared to win. He's been training nonstop for months. He's gotten himself immersed in practicing kendo, practicing everything he remembers and looking up anything he happened to forget. He's just as good as he remembers. All he has to do is not get any urge to use his sword to beat the shit out of anyone. That's the only thing he's worried about.

Perona had told him that if he wins he gets a cash prize, which is something he could most definitely use. He's racked up a bill from the hospital, living at Perona's, and totaling his bike. And he would really like to get a new bike. He's dead set on winning; even if he didn't have the cash as an incentive he wants to win. He's not someone to lose in a competition like this.

He's gone through his katas countless times, he's bought the necessary equipment to compete, he's built himself up more than necessary to be strong enough to win, both mentally and physically. He's meditated everyday to keep himself in mental stability. He wants to be sure he will be prepared, and he wants to be sure that he won't commit any excessive beatings during the competition. He doesn't need to be given any penalties or show his true feelings towards living beings. He really fucking hopes he doesn't end up going overboard.

He has had his off days, but he's been in a good place for the most part. Only a few days have given him grief. Lately his grief comes from realizing that he fucked everything up with the cook. He would rather think about that than everything else. It gets him into a less depressive state and it's easier to control. If he ever feels any ill thoughts coming on, he tries to refocus his thoughts there. It's a shit feeling, but it's something he can handle since he had pretty much left everything knowing that he may not ever see Sanji again. And it's powerful enough to keep the other thoughts at bay.

He only allows himself to drink after he's accomplished his training for the day. He knows he's a goddamn alcoholic and he's doing what he can do remedy it. Zoro isn't sure if he will be able to ever let the alcohol go, but he can try to control his intake when he needs it. Or at least have it only in the evenings. Maybe.

It really depends on the day.

But he's been pretty good about it, and he can tell that Perona has noticed and has been proud of him in her own way.

Having someone else have some input on his life is a big help to him. Especially if they don't know why he is the way he is. Perona doesn't know everything about him, she only is aware of a small part of his life. The bit she knows is a pretty large part of who he is and what he is, she doesn't know that though. Her support in his life is still a very positive influence even if she doesn't know the whole story. Her support is almost more helpful since she doesn't know everything. She's not trying to make it better, she's not trying to be there for every little thing. She's just there if he needs her.

He really wishes he had realized that his friends would have done the same for him. But he had pushed them away and only made himself worse.

He appreciated everything Sanji had done for him. He loves everything Sanji had done for him. He appreciates him immensely, and he was definitely the best thing that had ever happened to Zoro in his entire life. But he has seen that having someone like Perona is almost healthier in a way for him to get better.

It was great having someone understand and know what he was going through. Even though Sanji was unable to understand completely. He was never quite able to fully understand what Zoro was thinking or feeling, but he understood to an extent. And that made him feel normal in a way. Having someone know what was happening helped make him feel more normal.

But as normal as the cook made him feel, he never was able to progress. Not in the way he wanted to.

Maybe he is able to progress now because he is allowing himself to. Maybe he just held himself back in the comfort of having someone else there for him. He's not sure. But he at least knows at this point he seems to have made the right decision in leaving everything behind to better himself.

He feels like he's making more progress in the right direction now. Sanji helped him in many different ways than Perona has, but he was never able to reach the state he is now. But perhaps he has reached that because he made the decision to do so on his own. He had never really forced himself to improve before now. But he is definitely seeing a difference in himself.

Today he's decided he wants to talk a little more about himself with Perona. Getting out the first big blow of information about himself was hard, but it did seem to lift some of the weight he's been carrying around. He's promised himself he's going to improve, and he's pretty damn sure that the more he talks about all of this, the easier it will be. He'll be able to come to terms with himself and what's happened to him, and what has been happening to him. And it should help keep him from doing anything that could make trouble at the tournament that is coming up if this works in his favor.

He heads out of his room after his daily routine and makes a stop in the kitchen. He grabs a bottle as he usually would and once he realized that Perona is not in the living room, he directs himself towards her room. Zoro knocks on her door softly and once he hears her tell him to come in, he opens the door.

"Hey." She glances up momentarily from the laptop that's sitting on her lap before returning her attention to it.

"Hey." Zoro stands awkwardly in the doorway leaning against the door frame. He wants to talk, but he really doesn't know how to start. Anytime he's wanted to talk about something, it was usually with Nami and she always knew when he wanted to. He never really had to say anything to her about it. Most of the time she would direct the conversation so he could get out whatever it is he wanted to say. Anytime he's tasked with an interaction that he has to initiate he gets really uncomfortable. His past inability to converse with people is pushing its way back out and Zoro ends up just staring at Perona as he stands half inside the room.

Perona looks back to him again. "What's up?"

"Uh, I uh…" He glances away from her gaze; she's got an expression on that is urging him to just spit it out. Shit why he is such an awkward person when it comes to a simple conversation? He looks back to her and she looks a little more thoughtful if not worried. "Can we talk?" He sighs, that sounds so dramatic and dumb. He sounds like he's going to break some bad news to her.

"Of course. Come here." She pats the space next to her to invite him in and he slowly pushes himself away from the door frame and over to the bed. "What's on your mind?"

He hasn't felt like this for quite some time. The social anxiety of talking to others that he used to get all the time had more or less faded away, at least it hadn't been nearly as bad as it used to be. But now it seems to have come back. Which is stupid, he's been around Perona for months now; they live together and she's mainly the only person he even talks to.

Zoro looks down at his hands and traces the new scar tissue on his hand that he acquired the previous week when they last talked about his past. It's almost completely healed now.

He hears Perona close her laptop and place it to the side. He can feel her move a little closer to him before she speaks. "You want to talk about that? About… what happened to you?"

He nods as he continues to follow the lines on his hand. "Yeah. But uh, I'm really not that great at talking. Especially about stuff like that." He pauses and figures this could be a pretty good segue into the topic of conversation. He laughs softly to himself about his own misfortune of a life. "I suck so badly at talking because I never really had anyone to talk to when I was younger. I don't think I even had a friend until I was about twenty-one."

"I've never really had a lot of friends in my life either." He glances over to her and Perona seems to be thinking back to her own past. "I know it's not the same as how you grew up, but I never really had any one place that was home. We moved around a lot. Anytime I'd start to get comfortable in one place, it was time to pack up and go somewhere else. It wasn't a lifestyle that allowed much for keeping friends. And the man I lived with wasn't there a lot. My parents died when I was young too, and I grew up with a family friend. But he had to move a lot for work; he was busy a lot so I was left to my own devices more often than not."

Zoro watches as she recounts her life. He didn't realize they had quite so much in common; neither had a real home nor a consistent adult presence in their lives. She clearly turned out a lot better than Zoro did, but she's still going to have some kind of issues relating to that kind of up bringing. He doesn't know how he keeps running into people that are able to understand him so well, but he's glad he does, he's lucky in that regard. And that's about the only luck he's ever had.

"I can't imagine not having any kind of family though."

"It wasn't so bad. Especially since I didn't know anything else, and I didn't even know I was missing them until the past year."

"I remember you mentioning that. So, you didn't know you had a family?"

Zoro shakes his head. "No. Apparently after what happened, I made myself forget. It's been pretty painful even now, I don't even want to think about what it felt like when I was that young." He closes his eye and takes a deep breath to let it out slowly. He knows he needs to talk about all of this. And the more he does it, the less it will affect him. He can feel Perona place a hand on his back and he flinches away from it. "No, don't." Zoro knows too well what he is capable of when he starts feeling like this and he doesn't need Perona to get hurt. It's probably better if she doesn't touch him in case something gets provoked. He needs to ease himself into this. She's pulls her hand away as he places a hand of his own on his face to try to push away whatever he's feeling. "It's probably better if you don't touch me right now."

She's silent for a moment and Zoro can feel her thinking. She eventually speaks in a quiet voice. "Did he do anything else to you…?"

"No. No nothing like that." He can tell where her thoughts are going, but that is not the reason he's not ok with her touch. It's nothing like that. "You know when I get really hard to be around? When I get… violent?" She makes an acknowledging noise. "It's really better that you just don't touch me."

"Are you feeling like that now?"

He rubs his hand over his face. "A bit. But it'll pass." He cradles his head between his hands and just breathes. He really wishes this was easier, but that's the point of what he's doing. He will make it easier as he talks about it. Zoro really hates how easily this seems to be set off now and he is determined to fix that. He's kept everything bottled up for too long, and he's realized it's time to start letting some of it go. Perona seems to realize that he needs a moment and remains silent as he reins himself in.

He blocks everything out, ignoring the fact that Perona is sitting right next to him. He focuses on pushing away this feeling that he has grown so used to but loathes so much. He twists his fingers into his hair and pulls at it slightly to keep himself grounded; he really doesn't want to lose himself right now. He concentrates on the rhythmic sound of his breathing while he tries to keep it steady as the ugly sensation gnaws at his thoughts.

Once he appears he has himself more or less together, she speaks again. "So… what is that that happens to you?"

Zoro sighs. He's so tired of even trying to explain it to himself. He's tried to explain it to Sanji and Robin but he's pretty sure neither of them even quite understand exactly what he's feeling. He doesn't know how he would explain it to Perona without divulging everything. But he's going to have to figure something out since he doesn't really want to get into everything right now. He's not so sure he wants to ever get into all of that with Perona. "I got myself mixed up in some shady business. For a long time. I didn't really have much of a choice. It got me off the streets, so I thought it'd be a good idea. But, uh, it fucked me up. Really badly. And it only made everything worse." He knows he's being really vague but that's all he can tell her right now. He's not about to tell her about the countless people he's killed in cold blood while enjoying it. "This is, uh, some remnants of that I guess. And of what happened when I was a kid. It's just better if you don't touch me in case something happens."

"What would happen?" She sounds a little apprehensive to ask. He feels a little apprehensive about telling her, but he probably should tell her something on the off chance that he isn't able to keep himself under control properly.

"If I can't keep myself together, I could hurt you. Badly. And I don't want to do that."

"And that happens every time you talk about this?"

He nods. "I'm trying to… desensitize myself to it all. I know the more I talk about it the less it'll affect me. And I never talk about it." He remembers belatedly that he had brought in a bottle with him and reaches next to him, he pours a generous amount into his mouth and swallows.

"This is why you drink isn't it?"

He hangs his head a bit while he nods slowly. "Yeah. The reason evolved over the years, but yeah. The things I'm feeling… the more I drink the easier it is to not feel it. If I'm wasted I can't… it's harder to focus on it."

Perona watches him for a moment before speaking again. "If you can't explain without any… problems, you don't have to, but what happened to you as a kid and whatever got you off the street… you said they both affect you the same? How does that work…?"

"If I knew how any of this worked it wouldn't be a problem." He leans his head into one of his hands. "No, I do know how this works. I just don't know how to make it stop." Zoro glances over to Perona. She's looking at him intently, most likely trying to understand what the hell he's even talking about. "It would be so much easier if I could just explain everything to you. But that's not going to fucking happen."

"Because if you do that, you'd probably end up hurting me?"

He huffs a humorless laugh. "Well probably. But you really don't want to know everything about me." Sanji knows everything now, and Zoro is pretty damn sure he doesn't want a whole lot to do with him anymore. He can't imagine what Perona would think if he divulged even a little of it. They haven't known each other that long, and she's not in love with him like Sanji was. Zoro is sure that the way Sanji had felt about him prior to gaining that knowledge about Zoro had a lot to do with why he was able to accept it so well. That is until recently.

He's brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Perona's voice. "What could you possibly tell me that would scare me away so easily? You going to tell me you're a serial killer or something and that you prey on cute unsuspecting girls?"

He rolls his eye at her. "Not quite." But damn close.

"Good. I have a feeling if that were true, you wouldn't have waited around so long to kill me."

He glances to her out of the corner of his eye. "Who says you even fit under that category?" She makes an offended noise and throws a pillow at him. "Hey! Watch the liquor. Unless you want this all over your bed and the task of squeezing it back into the bottle."

"Gross, would you seriously still drink it after that?" He pauses his movement of bringing the bottle back to his mouth momentarily to consider the idea, then shrugs to suggest that it'd be a possibility. "You are so weird. And that only solidifies how much of an alcoholic you are. I actually feel a little concerned for you."

"You say that as if you didn't know that before." He punctuates his utterance with a nice long swig of whiskey.

Their conversation dies down and they both sit beside each other in silence. Zoro can hear the sound of a clock ticking and the soft swish of liquid as he continues drinking. This hasn't been quite as bad as he had expected. He knows he needs to divulge a bit more about his life if he's going to improve his mentality at all, but this is a good step in the right direction. He's managed to talk about the most traumatic event of his life without going off the deep end, and vaguely about his bloodthirsty mental issues. Overall he counts these last few encounters with his pink haired room mate a success. He contemplates getting up to shower off the day's sweat that he had accumulated from his intensive workout earlier, but Perona catches his attention before he can get up. He glances over to her, and she has a serious expression on her face; she's thinking hard about something. She takes a breath and speaks.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Have you ever- I mean, you said earlier you could hurt me badly, and that would happen if you can't keep yourself under control. Have you ever… lost control and…" This conversation just got extremely uncomfortable. Perona's voice drops to almost a whisper. "Have you ever killed anyone?"

Zoro sighs heavily. That is not the question he wanted her to ask, or expected to ever hear from her. He can feel his face contort into that disturbing expression he knows he has and does is best to keep from turning to look straight at her. "I told you, you don't want to know everything about me."

He watches her out of the corner of his eye. He can't read her expression right now; her face hasn't changed since she asked the question. It's obvious that he's guilty of murder by choosing not to answer the question, but he has no idea what she's thinking. Before she can say anything more, he shoves himself off the bed and exits her room. He's not proud of the things he's done, and he had made up his mind to not tell her about all of that. Why the fuck did she have to go there. He makes it back to his room and deliberately places the bottle onto his nightstand so he doesn't feel the urge to throw it against his wall. He's done that way too many times out of anger and frustration.

He really hopes this hasn't just ruined every good thing he had going for him. Why does his past and stupid decisions keep fucking up every relationship he's ever had?

-:-

Over the next week, Zoro avoids Perona as much as he possibly can. Maybe if he doesn't see her, he can avoid any looks of fear directed at himself or unwanted conversations. He holes up in his room and doubles up on his training routine, working himself to exhaustion almost every night. He needs to keep his mind clear of any ill thoughts as the week progresses. He is not having any incidents at the competition; he wants to win and he can't do that by being disqualified or accidentally shoving a pole through someone's torso.

His limbs are tired and sore constantly, but it's a good thing. They're a distraction, and the pain lets him know that his efforts are paying off. He's becoming stronger for his upcoming tournament.

The night before, he figures he should take it easy in regards to training. He doesn't need to be exhausted or overly sore. He does manage to indulge quite a bit in the alcohol since he doesn't have his extensive routine to follow and keep his mind from dwelling on ill thoughts.

He registers that someone is shaking him. His eye is closed and he's definitely laying down. He must have fallen asleep. He feels something cool and wet drip on his face and hears that high pitched voice that he's been avoiding for a week. Zoro tries to pull himself out of sleep to protest her bothering him, but once he's awake he can actually hear what she's saying.

"-you idiot! You have to leave! You need to be there in like thirty minutes! What the hell are you doing in bed! Get the fuck up!"

He opens his eye to see her bent over his bed with a mix of anger and anxiety coloring her features and a cup of water in her hand that looks like she's about to pour on his head. "What time is it?"

"Way past time for you to be awake. Why am I not even surprised that you over slept because you drank yourself to sleep last night? You reek of alcohol! You need to clean your ass up or they probably won't even let you compete. Get up already!" She shoves him hard in the side and attempts to roll him off the bed.

He rolls over and out of bed. "Alright. I'm up, I'm up." He stands on the other side of the bed and stares at Perona. She doesn't seem phased by him even though their last conversation was basically Zoro's admission to murder. He's been avoiding her all week because he thought she wouldn't want to see him, but here she is throwing him out of bed and rushing him out the door like nothing even happened.

"Why are you standing there! Losers aren't cute, and you're not going to be a loser just because you didn't show up on time. Get your ass in the shower!" She throws one of his pillows at him and he figures he'll have to contemplate on her behaviors later.

She's absolutely right, he needs to get himself ready. He looks at the clock on his nightstand. Shit, he better not have to find the place himself or he'll never make it. Zoro pulls himself together and scrambles into the bathroom, jumps in the shower with his toothbrush and realizes he hasn't even turned the water on. He shouts as he stupidly turns the water directly onto himself without even allowing it to warm up then grabs the first things he sees to wash himself with. He hardly even dries himself off before returning to his room to dress and grab everything he needs as Perona whisks him out the door and into her car.

He's got a tournament to win.