Digimon World Tour
Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Data Squad, etc. Copyright 1999-2015 Toei Animation, Akiyoshi Hongo, Studiopolis, Saban Brands, etc.
Recap
[Thomas] We arrived in Los Angeles and were given lodging for the month at the Paley Residence in Bel Air. Our host is 1980s cult actor Maxwell Caulfield, who gained relative notoriety for portraying a character similar to Marcus. However, Miles Colby is only similar in that he had a bad attitude and his temper got the better of him. We met his wife, Juliet, whom everyone thought was actually his mother. Marcus and Kari's Digimon finally hatched out of their DigiEggs, and we attempted to teach everyone table manners. Marcus and Agumon need a lot of work, especially when Joan Collins is coming in a week. There's no way of knowing what to expect now with the Bagra Army, so we'll have to stay on our guard. I can only hope we haven't endangered Maxwell or Juliet.
Chapter 44: Burn, Kari, Burn
[BGM: "The Colbys" Opening Theme by Bill Conti]
A segment of lines with a water fountain motif comes up to reveal a helicopter flying over the Pacific Ocean. This is followed by more lines that reveal that same helicopter flying over a baseball stadium. The screen goes to black, but more lines reveal an overhead shot of The Belvedere. As we see the shot in full, titles appear in the middle of the screen: "DAS IMPERIUM".
More lines rise up and retract down to reveal a shot of an older Maxwell Caulfield adjusting his bowtie on his tuxedo and smiling against a scene of polo players on their horses. "STARRING MAXWELL CAULFIELD" appears on the screen. Next, against a skyscraper, we have Matt adjusting the formal waistcoat to make sure it fits right. "YAMATO ISHIDA" appears in titles. Next to an exterior shot of an oil well, Marcus angrily undoes his bowtie and looks sullen while doing it. "MARCUS DAMON" goes up on the screen. Over a shot of waves crashing against the rocks, Anya (who is wearing a very nice blue dress) secures a diamond necklace around her neck. "ANYA RĂDULESCU" appears on the screen. Over a shot of a Concorde touching down, T.K. pours himself a non-alcoholic drink. "TAKERU ISHIDA" comes up on the screen. Over a shot of young aristocrats dancing in a club, Rika admires herself in a mirror, realizing how good she actually looks in a dress. "RIKA NONAKA" is on the screen. Against a shot of a yacht, Thomas admires an ancient artifact on the mantle. "THOMAS H. NORSTEIN" comes on. Against the shot of a video screen turning on, Greg takes a sip of his drink, doesn't like it, and accidentally throws the liquid in someone's face. He looks very embarrassed about this as the camera zooms in on his face. The titles "GREGORY LOGAN" appear on the screen. Against a scenic shot of Los Angeles City Hall, a stunningly dressed Kari pulls off her earrings. "HIKARI KAMIYA" appears on the screen. Against a shot of flowers, Juliet opens the door and welcomes people in. "AND JULIET MILLS-CAULFIELD" shows up on the screen. The lines come up with a zooming out of the mansion exterior, while we see "WITH SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY:". Then, we see a shot of a white Rolls-Royce while in the smaller frame, a distinguished older woman in a black dress takes off her fur stole and smiles deviously at the camera. The name "JOAN COLLINS AS HERSELF" appears on the screen.
More lines come up as we get a wide exterior shot of Los Angeles, followed by an exterior shot of the mansion that zooms out from a pair of flowers. As the music ends, the lines rise up and retract down to black.
Max
I am a thespian. My home is the stage, for that is where I have always felt my best. I never anticipated the consequences boarding this band would cause. Perhaps it will be good for me, it can keep me young and functioning. Sometimes, with all the young costars I've worked with over the years, I think of what could have been if I hadn't married Juliet. Michelle Pfeiffer couldn't stand me, and I never really cared for any of my Colbys or Dynasty co-stars romantically. So, I know I've made the right decision. I have this habit, you could say, of checking my actual emotions at the door, of separating myself from my character. That's a skill every actor worth his weight in salt needs.
In any case, my teenage charges are quite interesting. They all seem to have this air of independence. Oh, they come to me every so often when they need me to explain the culture of 1980s primetime dramas (and I should know, since I was there), but other than that, they do fine on their own. This mansion is nothing at all like my current home, but it brings back some memories. I shouldn't reflect too much, though. I may begin to sound boring.
After the last concert in Los Angeles, Matt wanted to test some new material and get a jump start on their next album. I suggested Evergreen Recording Studios, but the label had other plans. We were taken to the Henson Recording Studios. I even made a suggestion of a song of mine which Thomas immediately took a liking to. It was from Grease 2, naturally. Ah yes. Before Grease 2, I was called the next Richard Gere, then after Grease 2, nobody would touch me.
["Charades" (from Grease 2)
Written by Louis St. Louis and Michael Gibson
Performed by The Teenage Wolves
Lead Vocal: Thomas H. Norstein (Crispin Freeman)]
In Studio A at the Henson Recording Studios (formerly A&M Studios), Marcus inaudibly murmurs as he taps out the rhythm to the song. The band starts playing. Gaomon acts as engineer while Maxwell watches. The instrumentation is more influenced by The Alan Parsons Project. Thomas sits behind the piano (wearing headphones) and starts playing it.
Thomas:
I'm all dressed up in my finest attitude,
pretending I don't care.
Guess I really messed up by trying to be two,
when only one heart can be there.
Why can't I be just what I am,
and speak my love without any shame?
Why can't she see what I am,
is a costumed fool trapped in a tragic game?
The band comes in. While watching from the console/lounge area, Max silently sings along. Gaomon adjusts the sound.
Thomas:
Charades and pretty lies,
they hide what's deep inside me.
Charades do disguise
all the love I keep inside me.
Charades conceal me.
But can't you feel the real me,
the real me
behind my charades?
Back in the live room, the band continues softly as Thomas continues.
Thomas:
Oh, please don't mind me,
performing at my hardest
as I paint upon the air.
You won't find me,
cause it's a portrait of the artist
as the man who isn't there.
Marcus looks visibly disgusted at this particular song. Greg and Rika share his lack of enthusiasm.
Thomas:
Charades and pretty lies,
they hide what's deep inside me.
Charades do disguise
all the love I keep inside me.
Charades conceal me.
But can't you feel the real me,
the real me
behind my charades?
Can't you feel the real me,
behind my charades?
Have I lost the real me,
behind my
charades?
Thomas finishes by playing a beautiful ending on the piano, leaving one note extended until fade out.
Greg
Gaomon's voice came over the intercom. "And we're clear. Very nicely done, sir." "Thank you, Gaomon," Thomas said. I put my guitar away. "Thank goodness that's over," I said with a sigh of relief.
Marcus dropped his drumsticks. "I hate all this art rock crap. When are you gonna man up, Thomas?" Thomas just glanced at him. "That's funny, Marcus, I was about to ask you when you were going to join us from being stuck in the Stone Age." "Oooooh," the rest of us said. Marcus got served again! I took him to the side and told him, "Now, Marcus, if you just keep your mouth shut half the time, Norstein won't have any ammunition."
That shut Marcus up, at least until he walked into the lounge area, angrily waving the "Charades" lead sheet. "This, was crap! It was just bad, man. I think one of the reasons that little movie of yours flopped was because of stuff like this!" "That's why I remain an actor," Max answered dryly. "Der, thank you, Captain Obvious." "You're welcome."
Marcus
What's wrong with this guy? He's letting me walk all over him. Geez, I guess the worst he could do is remind me of that boxing match.
Greg
At about 3 PM, we called it a day. That's one of the great things about not being on tour. You can knock off work at 3 PM and nobody will complain about it. Nobody.
Kari, in an effort to improve herself, hired a personal trainer by the name of Jillian Michaels. She was five-foot-two, a brunette, and built! She also looked old enough to be my mom. I overheard their consultation. "Why am I here? Why are you hiring me? You don't need me, honey. You have a beautiful build, a dancer's build. I can see me shaving maybe two pounds off of you, but you say you want to become stronger?" "That's right, Ms. Michaels. I want to become stronger, like my brother." "In what sense?" She went on with this long story about how amazing Tai is, how courageous he was, and all of these wonderful things about him. She got it. "Oh, that kind of strong. Well, there's only so much I can do with that. I could help you with the physical part, but it's not gonna mean a thing if you're not strong in here...", pointing to her brain, "or here." She pointed to her heart. I thought that was nice.
It would've worked right away, but Jillian still had her reservations. "Now, here's the thing. You really don't need me. I've already got a gig on TV where I help obese people lose weight. And I mean obese. I'm changing lives, and I don't think I need to change yours. Whatever it is that you're doing, keep doing it. You look fabulous." "I'll pay you $600 an hour," Kari offered. I swear I saw dollar signs go up in the trainer's eyes. "Let's get to work!" So, Jillian and Kari spent the next five days training in their spare time.
["Pride"
Originally Written by Robert Palmer
Performed by The Teenage Wolves
Lead Vocals: Greg Logan (Doug Erholtz) with Takeru "T.K." Ishida (Michael Cunio)]
In this training montage, Jillian decides to start off with some yoga. Kari, who is now wearing compression shorts and a sports bra, follows her trainer's poses with dedication. Later, this switches to kickboxing. Kari quickly wraps her hands up and straps on the gear, then goes straight to work.
Greg: (VO)
You want her attention? Well you'll have to wait
She's in the gymnasium reducing weight
In shorts or a leotard, despite her age
The girl's gonna exercise your life away
Nearby, the band has a set up and is performing. Max, having nothing better to do, takes Kari's place as backup, while Gaomon works on the kettledrums.
Greg/Band:
Sister, don't you jog it all away
Sister, don't you run it all off
Sister, don't you jog it all away
Sister, don't you rough it all up
What an idea of fun, to get it on the run
I don't know why you do what has come over you
Kari is now being put to work on plyometrics, exercises based around having muscles exert maximum force in short intervals of time, with the goal of increasing both speed and power. This mostly involves jumping. Kari does squat jumps, lateral (side-to-side) jumps, and plyometric push-ups (push-ups, but exerting enough upwards force to lift the hands and body off the ground). She takes a long gulp from her water bottle, but Jillian pushes her even more. The lyrics originally referenced Jane Fonda and Olivia Newton-John, and have been updated here.
Greg/Band:
The style in the Westside clubs is cheap and nice
Please tell Ms. Michaels to reduce her price
Anorexia nervosa mannequin
All this physicality will wear you thin
Kari walks by the band while doing a crab walk. Juliet supports her by refilling her water bottle. She pours glasses of water for everyone, and Marcus drinks from a straw while drumming.
Greg/Band:
Hey Anna Kournikova, what you say?
Hey Anna Kournikova, what you say?
She used to yield like flesh, now it's all muscle
She used to yield like flesh, now it's all muscle
Jillian puts her new client through her paces as Kari runs up and down the beaches of Santa Monica, carrying her trainer on her back. There's a reason why she's called "TV's Toughest Trainer."
T.K.:(VO)
I don't know why you do what has come over you
What an idea of fun, to get it on the run
Greg/Band:(VO)
Roller blades and vitamins and diet plans
Academic discipline will ruin your hands
The workouts intensify as Kari runs laps around the mansion, then swims laps back and forth in the pool.
T.K.:
We used to ride tandem and have lots of fun
But bicycles for exercise are made for one
Greg/Band:
She used to yield like flesh, now it's all muscle
She used to yield like flesh, now it's all muscle
T.K.:
I don't know what to do
What has come over you?
It's an idea of fun,
T.K./Greg:
to get it on the run
We get a continuing montage of Kari going through her workout, getting more and more exhausted.
Greg/Band:(VO)
Sister, don't you jog it all away
Sister, don't you run it all off
Sister, don't you jog it all away
Sister, don't you rough it all up
Sister, don't you jog it all away
Sister, don't you run it all off
Sister, don't you jog it all away
Sister, don't you rough it all up
As the song fades out at the end of the fifth day, Kari flops onto the couch and pours a bottle of water all over her face.
T.K.
Poor Kari. She was working herself too hard. At dinner, Juliet made a lot of really nice lasagna and garlic bread. She served Kari a plate, but she pushed it away. "What's the matter?" Juliet asked. "I'm really sorry, I can't eat this. Jillian says it might mess up my glycemic index." "What index?" Marcus, Greg, and I asked at the same time.
As usual, Thomas had the answer. "Glycemic indexes measure carbohydrates from the perspective of their pure sugar/starch content in order to determine how they affect blood sugar levels after meals. Kari is not diabetic, at least not to my knowledge..." Kari nodded, so he continued. "But, certain carbohydrates are better for the body than others. This meal has a high starch content, and based on the tomato sauce, a reasonably high sugar content as well."
At that point, Jillian walked in whistling "We're in the Money". "Are you still here?" Marcus demanded to know. "Looks like it. Kari, hon, at three hours a day for five days, that's a total of 15 hours, and that comes to a grand total of $9,000. I don't take credit cards." "Let me write you a check," Kari said. She wrote a check, and then dropped her head on the table while giving it to her.
Jillian took the money and looked at the situation. "I run into people like you all the time, hon. I told you you didn't need me, but you insisted. Now, I can take my partner and our kids to Denmark for a week-long vacation. I'll mail you my books. Take care." With that, she walked away. Greg shook his head. "Hmmm, should've known she was a lesbian."
I made my way to Kari's side of the table. "Kari? Kari, are you OK?" "Yeah, I'm just resting," she sighed. I put her plate in front of her. "Come on, you have to eat something. I saw Ms. Mills make this, it's completely homemade. That woman led you wrong." "N-no, she didn't."
Marcus groaned and rolled his eyes. "Gimme a break, T.K. Kari's not dying or anything, she's just tired. Both of you need to suck it up." "What about when Rika was in the hospital?" I shot back. "She was actually hurt!" He had a point.
Greg
Kari eventually ate everything that was put in front of her and the rest of the night went relatively well.
Just a few quick things about two people. First, Max. Maxwell Caulfield is an interesting character. I won't go too much into him because this isn't about him, this is about us. Never forget that. From just looking at him, you'd think he was suave, debonair, and a really nice guy. If he were 40 or so years younger, he might've made a great member of the team. Yet, he's hung up on his career. He never let us forget that the one regret of his entire film career was starring in Grease 2.
Next, there's Kari. In five days of intense training, all she got out of it was an inch or so off her waistline and two pounds off her weight. No additional strength at all. While passing each other to and from the bathroom, I could hear her gently sobbing about it. Poor kid.
Once, she asked Matt and me to spot her as she tried to bench press 60 pounds (30 on each side, of course). She grabbed the weight and lifted it up until her arms were extended. Her elbows locked, so she had to unlock them. Then, when she brought the weight down to her chest, she dropped it right below her breasts. "Ow!" We quickly picked up the weight, and she stood up and ran out, crying.
Marcus
Enough was enough. Greg, Anya, and I took T.K. head on just before 11 PM the night before that big fancy dinner. "Dude, you have to talk to Kari," I started. "No, I think I should just leave her alone. She's going through a lot right now. I wouldn't know what to say." "Tell her we're sick of her crying all the time. She's not even on her, uh... is she?" "How would I know?" "Well, I know for Rika, it's the one week we can't make-"
"We get it," Greg cut in. "Hey, don't interrupt!" Anya piped in, "Rika, Kari, and I began our birth control together. Our cycles should be in relative sync, and I had mine last week while in San Francisco." "Hey hey hey, too much info," I said. "You did want to know."
I looked right at T.K. "Look, buddy, if you won't say something to her, I will." "OK, I'll talk to her." "Good."
T.K.
I knocked on her door. "Come in," she said. So, I walked in with Patamon resting on my shoulder. There she was, in her pajamas, staring at a picture. I got a look at it, and it was of her and Tai. "You know, Matt told me that Tai told him about your attempt to sacrifice yourself. I think he saved your life," I said. "Yeah... but, where were you?" she asked, looking up at me. I couldn't think of an answer.
"If Sora found out..." she started. "All right, I failed. I had no idea. You wanted me to leave you alone, so I did. I didn't think it would be that bad. If I had known, I would've been there in a heartbeat. I... besides, I didn't think you'd actually hold me to that promise. You called it stupid, remember?" "Maybe I did. But... but these past few days have taught me something, T.K. Maybe... well, just maybe..." "Yes?" "Maybe I'm not meant to be strong at all!"
I couldn't believe that was coming out of her mouth. "What are you talking about!? Kari... we've been over this before. I don't know how I can get it into your head. You don't need to be physically strong. You don't have to be like Tai!" "I know, I know... it's just... mmmmm... ugh, it's no use! I can't put it into words."
I sighed. Patamon tapped me on the other shoulder with his wing. "Huh?" Then, he whispered something. "Let me try it, T.K." "Go for it." Patamon flew off my shoulder and onto the bed.
(This story is accompanied by flashbacks to Adventure/Season 1.)
"Kari, I want to tell you a story. When T.K. and I first met, we had one thing in common. We were both the youngest members of the team. After seeing Agumon, Gabumon, Biyomon, and even Gomamon Digivolve for the first time, I really wanted to do it too. My problem was T.K. He didn't want to fight anyone, and this was way before DigiSoul. I came close once, just before Elecmon and I had a tug-of-war in Primary Village. I was ready for it, but T.K. wasn't. We were both frustrated, but I couldn't rely on him. It wasn't until Devimon nearly killed us all that I Digivolved for the first time. I killed Devimon, but I ended up becoming a DigiEgg myself. After that, it took us a really long time for T.K. to activate his Crest of Hope. I thought I'd never reach Ultimate, but when I did, it was really cool! So you see, Kari, even though I didn't hit Ultimate until near the end, it turned out to be saving the best for last. It's like a hot fudge sundae, when all the hot fudge is hidden at the bottom of the bowl." "That's sweet of you, Patamon, but how does that help me?" Kari asked. I facevaulted.
What made Kari this dense all of a sudden? I took a few deep breaths to calm down. "Kari... Patamon was trying to help you. I may have the Crest of Hope, but I am seeing that this conversation is becoming hopeless. I don't know what to tell you. I really wish I did, but I don't. You may get it one day, maybe you never will. Here's the thing, though. Marcus, Greg, Anya, and I am concerned about you. A lot of people are concerned about you. We want to help, but we don't know how. What we do know is that we all want you to see that maybe you're not meant to be your brother. Stop relying on Tai, stop worshiping Tai, and stop comparing yourself to Tai! You! Are! Not! Tai!"
Kari just stared at me, breathing heavily. She was starting to get heated up, too. "Didn't you ever have a similar issue with Matt?" she asked with a slightly strained voice. "No, I didn't! In fact, there were times when I wanted to get away from him. I couldn't stand being smothered. But then, when he left, I realized I was wrong. I missed him." It wasn't working. "Oh... you know all this already. Why am I telling you again?" "I don't know, T.K." "OK, then..." I paced back and forth on the floor, trying to think of the right thing to say. After five minutes, I thought of something. "Kari... like I said before, I don't know what to tell you. There's only so much I can do. A lot of this, you'll have to deal with on your own." I came in towards her and kissed her on the lips, then started to leave. "I truly, honestly, sincerely hope that you do. Come on, Patamon. It's bedtime." Patamon flew up on my shoulder, and we left.
I walked out and closed her door, then I made the long walk to my room. On the way, I punched the wall. Marcus passed me. "Did you talk to her?" "...Yeah, Marcus. Don't know if I got through to her, though." I recomposed myself for a second. "I hope I did," I added.
Greg
The next day started like any other. We seemed to alternate between the estate's chefs and Juliet. We were making last minute preparations for Ms. Collins' visit. That included a crash course in table manners and making polite conversation. We had to watch CNN so we could keep up with current events. Matt, T.K., and I could fake it well enough, but Marcus was a struggle. "Don't think he's the only one with issues about tonight," Rika said. Anya thought about it, then it came to her. "Oh, that's right. We have to get you into a dress. Another obstacle." "Yeah. Besides, why do we have to do this anyway?"
We turned to our host, Max. "Because, in the professional world, you will have to do things you do not want to do. You're all famous and wealthy now, you have to know how to fit in." "But a dress just isn't me, Max. I've got a reputation." "Yes, so I am aware, but the clothes you wear don't necessarily change who you are." "Nothing doing."
Marcus stood up. "Look, pretty boy old man, Rika's not getting into a dress, and I'm a hopeless case. There's no way tonight's gonna work, so there!" T.K. was going to raise an objection, but he dropped it.
Max gained a stern, determined look on his face. "All of you are under my direct supervision. As long as you live under my roof, you will follow my rules. Tonight is going to be black tie. You are each going to get new clothes for the occasion, we will have a crash course in table manners at lunch, and so help me, I will get you out of those jeans!" Rika smirked. "Marcus told me you weren't my type." He became livid and pointed the way. "Go to your room! Go directly to your room. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200." Rika rolled her eyes and left. "And stay there until you decide to cooperate," he added.
We were stunned. He'd actually sent Rika to her room, and she wasn't even his kid. Someone had actually punished Rika. He looked to the rest of us. "Now, does anyone else want to press their luck?" We all shook our heads and got ready to go.
Max took us down Rodeo Drive and Wilshire Boulevard, getting suits and tuxedos and everything. When you're shopping in Beverly Hills and you're a celebrity, you're really nobody. Shops everywhere were loaded with people I recognized off TV and movies. Everyone seemed to be in a big hurry.
Rika
By the time I decided to cooperate, everyone except Juliet had left. So, Renamon and I got some extra training in at the gym. While I was about to finish a mile on the treadmill, the doorbell rang. I paused it and answered the door. There was this distinguished, older woman wearing a green pantsuit and sunglasses on the other side. Something about her face looked quite familiar. "Hmm? Oh, who are you?" she asked with a British accent. "I was going to-" Then, she took off her sunglasses, and I recognized her. It was actually her, the woman I'd seen in all those stupid DVDs Max had shown us. It was Joan Collins! "Crap," I whispered.
"Well?" she asked. I didn't know what to say, except "Um, come in?" She walked in and I shut the door behind her. "Now, you still haven't answered my question, darling. Who are you?" I was sweating bullets, even more than I was usually. "Eh... Rika Nonaka. But, but what are you doing here so early, Ms. Collins?"
"I just came to return a book I'd borrowed from Maxwell. Pleasure to meet you. I assume you know who I am, then." "Yeah. Max- er, Mr. Caulfield showed us a lot of 'Dynasty'. I think he's hung up on it." "Oh yes, a delightful man. I wish he'd stop dwelling on the past, personally. Anyway, I've been following your band in the papers. I read about your nude performance in Austria, quite fascinating actually."
After a few minutes, Juliet came in and served tea. I tried to hide Renamon, but it was no use. Joan spotted her, so she joined us. "So Renamon, you're a girl, yes?" Joan asked. My partner was calmer than I was, and that helped me. "It's all very complicated, but technically, yes." "Just as I thought. Only a woman could wear fur that well." "I don't know whether to thank you or not, Ms. Collins."
"Thank me, it saves time. Anyway, Rika, if I have been following this conversation correctly and following your band correctly, you have apprehensions regarding your apparel. Hmm?" "Yeah, I don't like dresses. So what?" I asked. "Well, why not? If you can trapeze your way through a Vogue routine in an Austrian sauna, in the buff mind you, I would think you would be confident enough to wear anything." "Everyone else in there was naked." "Oh yes..." She shrugged.
Then, she went on. "Now, why do you not like wearing something more feminine?" "Because I don't want people getting cheap shots at me. Nobody gets cheap shots at me." "Whatever do you mean by that?" "What if I'm walking over a vent in the subway and it turns on?" It took her a second to figure it out. "Ohhh, that! I see. I think I may have seen too much. Anyway, those instances are very few and very far between." She told me about all the wardrobe changes she made on Dynasty. She seemed to go on forever.
She finally got to her point. "My point is, clothing really does not make the woman. You can still maintain your personality in whatever you wear. It's all about confidence, my dear. You are an extremely powerful young lady. I can see it in your eyes and your body language. Now, I am prepared to offer you an all-expenses-paid trip to some of the finest stores in the area where we will create your own style." "Keep your money. I already have my own style." She patiently shook her head and smiled. "Why not give it a try? You may like it." "Oh... all right." So, I put Renamon back in the Digivice, then took a shower, and got ready to leave.
Joan called into the kitchen, "I'm taking Rika with me, Juliet! We'll be back in an hour or two." "Fine!"
Our first stop was Agent Provocateur at Two Rodeo. Joan had me try everything on, and I found some lingerie that I really liked and that would probably push Marcus over the edge. Maybe being a fashion plate wouldn't be so bad at all. So, I bought that. Then, we went to another fashion house. As I kept trying things on, I think it finally clicked in my mind that this would be OK. I mean, the skirts and hemlines were long enough to where panty shots wouldn't be a problem. It showed off my figure, and I didn't have to give anything up at all. I even ignited my DigiSoul just to see how it would look, and I looked like the perfect balance of feminity and power. I smiled. "Oh yeah."
About an hour after Rika and Ms. Collins leave, a robot Digimon appears in the backyard. He makes his way into the kitchen, where Juliet is busy making a pie. "Human! You are coming with me!" a robotic voice proclaims. Juliet is confused. "Hmmm? Can I help you?" He answers, "Write a note."
Greg
We ate a light lunch at Spago, one of Wolfgang Puck's many restaurants. Max brought in all kinds of forks and spoons, explaining where each one went and what each one was used for. We learned the differences between a white wine glass, a red wine glass, and a water glass. It didn't matter to me because I vowed long ago that I'd never drink alcohol to begin with. It became easy enough to where even Marcus could figure it out.
Finally, we came home loaded with bags. "Juliet, dear! We're home!" Max called. There was no answer. "Juliet?" Still, no answer. We quickly searched the house until we found a note. Matt read it. "'Maxwell, I am being held for ransom by HiAndromon. Bring $50,000 and the Child of Light to Griffith Observatory before midnight tonight or you may never see me again. Also, tell Joan that the party's off. (Sorry, dear.) Love, Juliet. P.S. If you wish to fight for me, it may be arranged by going to this address at twilight.' Here's the address." He gave the note to Max.
"Oh no!" Max groaned as he read it carefully. He ran to the phone and picked it up. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Calling the police." Marcus ran to the phone and hung it up for him. "Oh no, you don't! The cops can't handle this stuff." "But they've kidnapped my wife!"
"Maxwell, I'll handle this," Thomas volunteered. "Same here," Matt added. "And I should go since they want me," Kari said. Max looked to all of us. "No. All of you stay here. This is something I must do alone. "
T.K.
Max went out the door wearing a leather biker outfit and a helmet. Kari and I quietly followed him to his garage, where he uncovered a Japanese motorcycle. I think it was a Honda. He walked it out to the driveway, then jumped on and took off. We got Matt to drive Max's Maserati so we could follow him. He was gonna need us.
Max
I learned how to ride a motorcycle from my stunt double, so I knew what I was doing. I rode my CBR250R as fast as I could, dodging traffic when I could. While I did that, I thought, "Who would ever want to kidnap Juliet?"
I arrived at a seemingly abandoned construction site in Century City. I parked my bike and took off my helmet, then carefully walked inside. "Hello? Is anyone there?" Just then, I was surrounded by walking stars that dropped from the girders. Walking, moving stars with long arms and long legs! They were wearing purple shoes and gloves with red stripes and yellow stars. There were five or six of them surrounding me.
One of them, the leader, spoke up. "So, you decided not to bring the money, or the Child of Light either." I stared him down. "Tell me what you've done with my wife!" I growled. "What, the lady? We're using her as leverage. Now since you were stupid enough to come here, I'll tell you what's gonna happen. You're going to fight all six of us, and if you should survive, maybe we'll let her go. Whaddya say, Miles Colby?" "Huh? H-how did you know about that?" "It's a neat little party trick of mine called Mind Scan. I know everything about you just by looking at you and reading your mind. You're 54, nearly 55. That makes you an old man, who can't possibly fight back against Champion-level Digimon like us! Face it, Maxie boy, you're going to be dead in five minutes!"
A flurry of emotions went through my head. I considered hundreds of things, including getting down on my knees and surrendering. But, knowing these goons, they would kill both her and me. That left only one option. If I had five minutes, I had better make each one count. So, I yelled at the top of my lungs and grabbed a sledgehammer, then started swinging at them. I hit one of them right between the eyes. I was lucky, because another one forced me on the ground, dropping the sledgehammer. Two of them ganged up on me, but I got back up.
The fight went on for about four minutes. Everything I could get my hands on became a weapon. If I could last longer than five minutes, I could prove them wrong. When I ran out of weapons, I used my fist. It was just like that gas station scene from 'The Boys Next Door'. I suspect my body started catching up with me because they became faster. Soon, I had one star hold down each of my arms and legs. "Any last words?" the leader star sneered. "Yes! Tell Juliet I love her!" I would not close my eyes, preferring to see my own death.
Just then, I heard voices. "Gatomon, realize!" "Patamon, realize!" "Gabumon, realize!" It was them. "Matt? T.K.? Kari?" Gatomon jumped on my chest and kicked the star away, then turned to me. "We would've come sooner, but rush hour was brutal." I just smiled. The others came to my side, with Matt kicking another star away.
"Max! Are you OK?" Matt asked. "I- I think so. What are those Digimon?" "They're Starmon. Champion-level. What were you thinking?" "I was taking the law into my own hands." I freed myself, then stood up.
"Max, please go home. It's too dangerous," Kari pleaded. "No, Kari. I have stared into the face of fear before. I do it every opening night. When you get to be my age, things don't begin to scare you as much as they used to. Juliet is my wife, the woman whose children I adopted, the woman I pledged myself to until death do us part. I have passed up hundreds- no, thousands of beautiful women for her, and I won't let anyone hurt her!" I pointed to Starmon. "Especially the likes of you!"
All of a sudden, a portal opened in the ground and a giant candle appeared before me. It had two faces, one small flame and then a giant candle. "Hello, Maxwell," he said, offering his waxy hand. I shook it. "Who, who are you?" "I'm Candlemon, and it's a pleasure to finally find you." "Find me?" "Yes. I've looked all over for you, and I've waited so long." This was confounding, to say the least. "Wait a minute. My stepfather kicked me out of the house when I was 15. Where were you then?" "Looking for you. You haven't really needed me until now."
T.K.
"All right, all right! Enough chit-chat. Back to your death!" Starmon shouted. Candlemon turned around. "Bonfire!" He fired a small flame that hit Starmon's arm and exploded. Then, he turned back to Max and gave him something. "Maxwell, this is for you." Matt and I got a look at it, and it was an old school Digivice, just like the ones we had when we first went into the Digital World.
"Oh no!" Matt groaned, "That's practically useless now!" "What do you mean by that?" Max asked.
"You mean you don't use that Digivice anymore?" the little flame on Candlemon's head asked. I shook my head, then called Izzy on my earpiece. "Izzy, this is T.K. Are you there?" "Salutations. What's the situation?" "Well, we have a new member of the team. Do you know Maxwell Caulfield?" "From 'Dynasty'? Not personally, but I'm familiar with him. He has a new Digimon partner." "How did you know?"
Izzy
I watched the whole thing from the War Room screen, naturally under Commander Sampson's supervision. "I'm monitoring the situation, T.K. It seems he has a classic first-generation Digivice. That won't do him any good," I said. "Well, what do we do?" T.K. asked. "Elementary. Would you please share your earpiece with Mr. Caulfield?" "OK, here he is."
The next voice I heard was from Mr. Maxwell Caulfield. "Hello? Who is this?" "Good evening. My name is Koushiro Izumi, and I'm one of the chief operatives at the Digital Accidental Tactics Squad, or DATS. Welcome to the team. How are you doing?" "My wife's been kidnapped, I've nearly been beaten to death by six anthropomorphic stars, and a candle's spent his entire life looking for me. I'm doing bloody well, thank you!" "Calm down, Mr. Caulfield. Anyway, the device your partner's just given you is now obsolete. I'm surprised he didn't give you an abacus, actually. I'll have to guide you through your very first Digivolution. Now, sir, I'll have to ask you to clear your mind. You need absolute focus for what you're about to do." "What about the others?" "Ask Matt and Kari to turn on their earpieces."
They did. "All right, Matt and Kari. I'll need you two and T.K. to fend off the Starmon while I'm working with Mr. Caulfield." "Got it," Matt replied.
I turned back to our newest agent. "Mr. Caulfield?" "Yes?" "All right. You should be out of danger for the moment. Close your eyes and take a few cleansing breaths." "What is this, yoga?" "Trust me, it isn't."
I watched him on the screen and went on. "Very good. Now, find a focusing point and concentrate on it. A single concept, preferably a positive emotion. Something like hope or courage." "Or passion?" I scratched my head. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. "Er, what kind of passion are you thinking of?" "The one for my wife. I would die for her." "... hold that thought."
I put him on hold, then looked to the commander. "Mr. Caulfield wants to use passion, sir," I reported. "Hmm, passion. That's a new one. ….Tell him it could work." I gave him the thumbs up, then took Mr. Caulfield off hold.
"Sir?" "Yes?" "Passion is OK!" "Oh good. Now what?" I was looking at the screen, and a byzantine flame of DigiSoul was just about to build up in his hand. It flickered. "Don't fight it, encourage it," I instructed. I could see him gulp as he clenched his fist even tighter. The flame died, then exploded in his hand. "Open your eyes!"
When he looked at it, he initially panicked. "Ahhh! My hand's on fire! But... it doesn't burn. And it's colored magenta." "Byzantine," I corrected him. He shook his head. "Anyway, that is what we call DigiSoul, a physical manifestation of your emotions that you can send to your Digimon to prompt Digivolution. All right, now I need you to maintain your level of concentration. This is going to be harder to do without a Digivice. Are you in a comfortable standing position?" Mr. Caulfield moved his feet apart to balance himself. "Will that work?" he asked. "Very good, sir. Now, thrust your hand forward and aim your open palm at your Digimon." "My hand?" "Yes, it'll be just you and your hand tonight." Some of my less-than-mature fellow operatives laughed at that. I quickly turned around, silencing them.
"All right. Now, ask your partner if he's ready for Digivolution." "All right. Ready, Candlemon?" Candlemon gave a thumbs up. I continued, "All right. Now, use your mind and your heart to channel your DigiSoul towards your Digimon." "How do I do that?" "Repeat after me, clearly, succinctly, and loudly. All right?" He nodded on the screen. "DigiSoul, charge!"
Matt
Max thrust his hand forward, aiming it at Candlemon. "DigiSoul, charge!" His DigiSoul shot forward toward Candlemon, giving the Digimon an intense purple aura. The actor panted loudly, trying to stay on his feet. "Hold on! Keep it up!" I shouted. Candlemon didn't look like he could handle it. "Ohhhh my... Candlemon Digivolve to-!" Finally, like an explosion, he Digivolved into a very familiar Digimon. "Wizardmon!" "Wizardmon..." Gatomon gasped. Max nearly collapsed as he stumbled to lie down on a table. His flame extinguished itself.
Wizardmon posed with his staff. "It's showtime!" he called as he went on the attack. The Starmon summoned meteor showers, but they got whacked away by Wizardmon's staff. He was much faster and more powerful than usual. "Electro Squall!" He raised his staff up and summoned a thunder cloud which unleashed an intense lightning strike on all five Starmon. They still got up. Gatomon stared intently at the battle. "Thunder Ball!" Max's new partner released a ball of energy that made each Starmon explode as it hit them.
Finally, all six were down. Wizardmon looked at the scene and approved, but then grabbed his chest and dropped to his knees. "Rrrgh..." "Wizardmon!" Gatomon cried as she ran to his side. "H-Hello, Gatomon," he grunted. Gatomon held onto the hand on his staff. "Wizardmon, do- you remember me?" "Of- of course, I do. But I can't... talk now!" With that, he became a ball of flame. I looked him up, and his name was DemiMeramon. I picked him up and gave him to Max, who was asleep.
Izzy's voice came over my earpiece. "Well, it looks like that Digivolution took a lot out of him, huh?" he chuckled. "Out like a light," I said. "Amazing. It looks like we've got another Digimon sighting at Griffith Observatory. It's a Mega-level, so be careful. May the odds be ever in your favor." "You too." I hung up.
"T.K., you stay here with Max. I'll take Kari with me," I said. My brother saluted, so I took Kari with me in Max's Maserati to Griffith Observatory.
We brought our Digimon out of their Digivices as we searched the area. Nobody was inside, but we heard muffled noises coming from out the back, where there was a wide field. Sure enough, someone had tied up Juliet's arms and legs and put a bandanna in her mouth. I untied everything. "Oh, Matt... thank goodness you're here. I was starting to worry," she said.
At that point, we heard a robotic voice. "Step away from the hostage." I turned, and there was this black, red, and blue cyborg-type Digimon. I looked him up. "'HiAndromon, a Mega-level Cyborg Digimon. As Andromon, he was incomplete, and by adding Chrome Digizoid parts to the Bio-Synapse circuits which govern his thinking, he became self-aware, making it possible for him to execute his objectives.'"
HiAndromon droned on, "You did not hear me, human. Step away from the hostage, now!" "Why should I?" I challenged him. "Because she is an official prisoner of the Bagra Army." Then, he looked at Kari and spoke again. "Child of Light identified: Hikari Kamiya. New directive: Terminate."
Kari
"Terminate?" I quietly asked myself. I knew this should've been another day at the office for me, but there was something about the word "terminate" that I didn't like. For the second time, T.K. wasn't there. Suddenly, I felt my bladder was fuller than it really was. That's how scared I was. If only he- no! I had to do this. If T.K. wasn't going to be there, I had to do it on my own.
I forced a confident smile on my face. "Oh really? Think again. Gatomon!" I called. She came right to my side. "You got it, Kari!" "It's time to recycle this hunk of junk!" I ignited my DigiSoul all the way, then pulled out my Digivice and made the call.
"DigiSoul, Charge! OVERDRIVE!" "Gatomon Double Warp Digivolve to... Ophanimon!"
Matt was next. "DigiSoul, Charge! OVERDRIVE!" "Gabumon Double Warp Digivolve to... AncientGarurumon!"
I thought to myself, "What would Tai do?" So, I clenched my fist and punched the air. "Go, Ophanimon! Send him to the scrap pile!" I shouted. That confused both Matt and my partner. "Hmmm? All right. Sefirot Crystal!" Ophanimon fired ten crystals at HiAndromon, but they missed.
Our enemy took some energy from the blue turbine on his right shoulder and energy from the red turbine on his left shoulder and combined them at the top of his hands. "Energy collection complete. Activate Atomic Ray!" Then, he fired off a beam toward Ophanimon, who dodged it.
Matt grabbed my arm as we ran back while AncientGarurumon froze everything. "Absolute Zero!" It froze the cyborg. "Yes! We can do this! We can do this!" I cheered. But then, HiAndromon broke out of the ice. "We can't do this! We can't do this!" I moaned.
The battle went on for a long time, but it became pretty clear that Ophanimon's one attack wouldn't cut it. "Stab him! Stab him!" I called. When she did try to stab him with the javelin, his armor was too tough. I groaned.
"Looks like we'll have to kick things up a notch, AncientGarurumon!" Matt said, taking out his Digivice. I watched carefully as he hit the third, then the second, then the first button. "Charge! DigiSoul... BURST MODE!" AncientGarurumon dropped a lot of his bulky armor and became more streamlined and agile. "AncientGarurumon, Burst Mode! Aroooooooooooooooooooooo!"
I turned back to Ophanimon, who was trying to build a good defense. I grabbed my hair, wanting to pull it out. "No no no! The best defense is a good offense! Oh, Ophanimon... what are you thinking?!" "I'm thinking, 'Do you know what you're really saying, Kari?'" Ophanimon said.
Suddenly, the entire battle seemed to melt away, leaving only my partner and me in darkness. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Kari... where is the sweet, kind, and gentle girl I've come to love?" "I... I can't afford to be that now. I've got to keep up with the others. What's killing me now is that you're not built for attacking." "That's right. I'm not. I was never built for brute force, and neither are you. What works for Tai doesn't work for you. I know you too well. Right now, you're afraid, aren't you?" "N-no! No I'm, not! I can't-" "It's all right. I understand. Someone wants to kill you, and you wish T.K. was here." "Well, of course I do, but- he's not! He's not here, so I've got to do this on my own! It's what Tai would want." "There's no shame in admitting your true feelings, or your weaknesses."
Everything just built up inside of me until I couldn't take it anymore. I finally dropped to my knees and started crying. "OK, I'll admit it! I'm a wreck! First I lost you, then I nearly killed myself, then I spent five days working out over nothing, and now some Digimon wants to terminate me! I'm exhausted, I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm... just a million things at the same time! Why does this always happen to me? Why? Why? Why?"
I kept sobbing while Ophanimon spoke. "Kari... you've faced worse things before, and yet you've always carried on looking for the best in everyone. Even me. I wanted to kill you too, but you turned my life around. You even said so yourself. You're like a walking, living ray of light, and everyone loves you. You try so hard to keep everyone happy and at peace. It takes a lot of inner strength to be as cheerful and as kind as you are, even through difficulty. Maybe it's time I showed you something."
All of a sudden, the area became a lot brighter. I looked up, and there was nothing but light as far as the eye could see. "Oh... it's so... bright. Hmm, and so warm, too. My whole body feels warm, especially my heart." I wiped away my tears. "Ophanimon, I feel much stronger, and much better. Thank you," I said. "Don't thank me. This is the light you share with everyone. You'd just never felt it yourself until now." I closed my eyes and kept basking in the light, letting it recharge me.
Matt
AncientGarurumon was being put on the ropes. HiAndromon didn't have a single, exposed spot. "Resistance is futile," he droned in that robotic voice of his.
I looked over to Kari, and she was off in her own little world. Then, it was like a mushroom cloud of neon pink DigiSoul went off around her. When she opened her eyes, she was focused and determined. "That felt great! Now, let's try this Burst Mode thing again, shall we, Ophanimon?" she asked her partner. "I'm ready whenever you are," Ophanimon confirmed.
Kari took out her Digivice, then pointed to HiAndromon. "HiAndromon! Prepare to feel the light in three! Two! One!" She pressed the third, second, and first buttons on the Digivice in that order, then shifted it to the side.
Kari
The Signal Port came on, so I slowly brought my hand into the light. "Charge! DigiSoul..." I kept my hand in the light until the Digivice beeped. "BURST MODE!" I copied Matt and sent the power to Ophanimon.
She took it in and set herself on fire, as her wings became fiery jets. Her armor changed color, and the wings and tip of her javelin were lit up. "Ophanimon, Burst Mode!"
I stared at it. "It's beautiful. Ironic, but beautiful," I said in awe. Matt joined my side. "What's ironic- oh, that. I guess you're more like Tai than you thought, huh?" he asked. I half-playfully punched him on the shoulder.
Ophanimon swooped in and cut the two turbines on his shoulders clean off. Then, she raised her javelin. "Now, HiAndromon. Prepare to face your fate. Holy Destroy!" Everything went white for a few seconds. When the light faded, HiAndromon was gone and so was a large part of the Southern California landscape. AncientGarurumon Burst Mode was still there, though.
"Well, that was quick," I said. We quickly left before anyone noticed.
Greg
Everyone made it home just in time to get ready for the dinner party. All of us guys looked like we came out of a James Bond movie. Thomas and Matt looked the most at ease in a tuxedo, I was convinced my bow tie and suspenders were going to cut off my circulation. Even the Digimon got dressed up in bow ties.
The biggest surprise of them all came when Renamon walked down the stairs and dimmed the lights. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Rika!" Strutting down the stairs came this gorgeous creature in red. Diamond-shaped windows of sheer scalloped leavers lace revealed alluring flashes of skin, while strategically placed bands of red georgette silk entwined themselves around the body to create a stunning hourglass shape. Delicate rouleaux straps and a feminine flounced hem finished off the floor-length style. (My mom did seamstress work for my cousin's wedding.) Besides the dress, Rika looked much more feminine than before. She'd let her hair out of her pineapple ponytail, so it came down to her shoulders. She even smelled like a million dollar lady. Marcus had only one word to describe it: "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn." He was practically drooling. "Who are you, and what have you done with Rika?" I sighed. "Don't get any ideas," she muttered in a low tone. Surprisingly, that evening, Marcus was a total gentleman. He held out Rika's chair, then seated her.
We had an excellent dinner. Topics went back and forth from the Boston Marathon bombings to Edward Snowden to our personal lives, and then to Max's new Digimon partner, Candlemon. I have to say, Joan Collins is pretty fascinating. Her favorite role wasn't Alexis, but rather a pacifist social worker from 1930s New York who, in an alternate history, spearheaded a movement which delayed the entry of the United States into World War II. She also starred in a Snickers commercial in England.
After dessert (a chocolate marble cheesecake that was to die for), we went into the parlor for some after-dinner entertainment. Marcus, Matt, and I had moved a grand piano in there, and Thomas was going to play for us. But first, Joan insisted on giving a performance of one of her best non-racy scenes from her movie 'The Stud', which was based on a book written by her sister. She used Max as her leading man.
Finally, it was time for Thomas to play. We cleared out the area in case the mood was right for a slow dance.
["A Groovy Kind of Love"
Written by Toni Wine and Carole Bayer Sager
Based on the Rondo movement of "Sonatina in G major, op. 36 no. 5" by Muzio Clementi
Performed by Thomas H. Norstein (Crispin Freeman)]
At the grand piano, Thomas sits down and loosens up his fingers. "This is based on the Rondo movement of 'Sonatina in G major, op. 36 no. 5' by Muzio Clementi. Please excuse the grammatically incorrect lyrics," he says to the audience before he plays. After his fingers are ready, he begins to play. This arrangement is the slow ballad version from the Buster soundtrack.
Thomas:
When I'm feelin' blue
All I have to do is take a look at you
Then I'm not so blue
When you're close to me
I can feel your heart beat
I can hear you breathing in my ear
Wouldn't you agree?
Baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love
Any time you want to
You can turn me on to
Anything you want to
Any time at all
When I kiss your lips
Ooh, I start to shiver
Can't control the quivering inside
Wouldn't you agree?
Baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love
The group pairs off and slow dances through the parlor. The pairings in this case are: Max and Juliet, Marcus and Rika, Greg and Anya, and T.K. and Kari. That leaves Matt with Joan. Marcus breaks out for a moment to slap the unlucky stiff on the back. Matt doesn't take too kindly to that. Gaomon and Gabumon play air strings. We get more shots of the group dancing and Thomas playing the piano.
Thomas:
When I'm feelin' blue
All I have to do is take a look at you
Then I'm not so blue
When I'm in your arms
Nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter, I don't care
Wouldn't you agree?
Baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
Oh whoa
We got a groovy kind of love
As the song ends, we slowly zoom out until we fade to black.
Author's Notes:
"Das Imperium" is actually German for "The Empire", which is what "Dynasty" is called in Germany. The theme used in the sequence actually comes from the spinoff show "The Colbys".
The quote "Before Grease 2, I was called the next Richard Gere, then after Grease 2, nobody would touch me." actually came from Mr. Caulfield's IMDB page.
Kari would be happy to know that she is the second to reach Burst Mode successfully. It's just a shame that Ophanimon Burst Mode (which is actually Ophanimon C from Digimon World Dusk) is so powerful, it's broken.
Don't worry, folks. Max and Candlemon won't be permanent members of the team. As soon as the band leaves Los Angeles (in July), we'll let him and his wife go on their merry way.
The chapters will be more spaced out after this because I will be starting school again January 12th (which is tomorrow). Dad wants me to keep up my grades, so I'll have to see what I can do. I do want to finish this fanfic, though.
