A third of the way there! Wow! Enjoy!
Rule #50: I will not take out life insurance on Harry Potter
So what I'm starting to gather is that I just shouldn't be allowed to make money because all of my moneymaking schemes end in detention. But here's the thing…
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE IF I CAN'T MAKE MONEY? HUH? HUH?
After all, I need to eat. Can't live without eating and can't eat without having money.
Well, I suppose you could but I'm not the type of person that has the patience to wait for things to grow.
Not my fault that the best way I could think of making money involved Potter. And I didn't just use him. He was just the case that got me caught. I also managed to take out life insurance policies on Voldemort and Dumbledore.
Needless to say, I'm set for life.
Well, probably not life. Probably just for another ten years or so. I'm a girl. I have needs! I'm allowed to blow money!
And besides, it's not like I actually killed anyone. Though, I'm pretty sure my parents thought I was going to. One should never ask:
"Daddy, how do you take a life insurance policy out on someone?"
My mother wasn't around to stop my father from answering that question. Good thing, otherwise I would have still been broke. As I was a teenager, I became good at getting my timings down. I would wait until my mother was out of the house before cornering my dad and demanding answers. That way, the only questions she heard me ask were questions about schoolwork, mild pranks, and girl things.
My groundings drastically decreased. It was pretty awesome, if I say so myself. That was also the first real sign that my Slytherin traits were starting to form. I was no longer a dumbass that occasionally blew things up on accident. I was now a smart dumbass that made things blow up on purpose (and then blamed others for it).
I was ecstatic when I came back to Hogwarts and heard about the Triwizard Tournament. I didn't actually want to enter but I was well prepared to make money, just like Fred and George. The only difference was that they made their money by betting while I made mine by betting on who would die.
I knew I should have taken out that policy on Diggory. I'm still kicking myself for not going through with that idea. I could have been even richer!
No, instead I banked on Potter dying.
Stupid idea. How could I forget that he was Harry Potter, the Boy-That-Bloody-Lived?
I understand why Voldemort hated him now.
During the days following the announcement of the champions for the Triwizard Tournament, it was nearly impossible to talk to Potter and try to convince him to die—or at least pretend he did and never return to the Wizarding World.
Much like Simba in The Lion King.
"Potter!" I called over the crowd, bouncing up and down to see over the heads of other students because Professor Flitwick had informed me the week before that it was inappropriate to try and be a spider and climb the walls. "Hey! Potter!"
Damn Gryffindor ran away. Literally.
I just wanted to talk!
"Potter!" I called as the last classes got out for the day. "Potter! I need to talk to you!"
He ran away again.
That bull about Gryffindor courage is just plain bull.
The next day I tried again, stringing ropes across the doorway to make him trip and fall down the stairs.
"Potter! Listen to me!" I demanded as he went tumbling. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and waited until he came to a stop.
"Are you going to listen to me now?" I asked. He glared up at me.
"What do you want?" he demanded. I placed my hands on my hips.
"You need to die," I informed him. His eyes widened.
"Why?" he asked skeptically.
"Because I took out a life insurance policy on you and I need the money," I told him. Potter rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, no," he replied. "Nice try. I'm not dying."
My eyes narrowed.
"You act like you have a choice," I said. "I will beat you with a stick if you don't agree to die."
Potter snorted.
"What stick?" he asked. "Your wand?"
I gave him an appalled look.
"Of course not. I'll beat you with Lucius Malfoy's walking stick," I told him. "I hear it likes to shoot out nasty curses."
"I'm not dying Faye. Just hook up with Fred and George and make money by placing bets," Potter sneered. I growled.
"No!" I shouted. "You're dying and I'm getting my damn life insurance policy!"
Just then a throat cleared from behind my back. I immediately forced an innocent smile on my face and turned around. The smile fell off as soon as I saw it was McGonagall.
There was no getting out of this one.
"Detention."
Review if you got a laugh!
