Settling Into Insanity
"Charles I got a bad feeling about some of these new recruits," Logan shook his head. "That Vandermer girl is a pill. But compared to the Rolfson girl she's little Miss Congeniality!"
Xavier sat in his office. It was a day after the new arrivals had arrived. "Logan, the girl has been through severe emotional abuse as well as possible physical abuse. It's going to take time. I think it's best that Miss Rolfson not have any Danger Room training until both her physical and mental health improves."
"I agree on that," Logan nodded. "But Charles something in my gut tells me that what happened to her parents wasn't completely an accident. Not that I blame her but…"
"Professor?" Roberto knocked on the door as he opened it. Jamie and Sam were with him. "Can we talk to you for a minute? If you're not too busy."
"Of course I'm not too busy," Xavier said. "Come in and tell us what is on your mind."
"Well the guys and I have been talking and…" Roberto began.
"We think that some of us New Mutants ought to be promoted," Jamie spoke up. "To a different squad!"
"You see the main X-Men team can't be everywhere," Sam said. "And we've all been through a lot of battles. Some of us just as many as them."
"So we've been thinking maybe you should have two teams of X-Men or something?" Roberto suggested. "You gotta admit we got a whole lot of enemies to handle them."
"You do have a point," Xavier folded his hands. "Perhaps it is time to create a second team as support for the main team? Many of you have certainly proven your mettle in past battles."
"That's right! We can do a lot! Just as much as the main team," Sam nodded. "All we need is a chance! Come on Logan, back us up here."
"They have been doing some pretty impressive work," Logan shrugged. "Maybe having an extra team or two might not be such a bad idea after all?"
"Very well," Xavier nodded. "I have to discuss this with the rest of the faculty but in the future we will create a second squad of X-Men."
"All right!" Jamie whooped.
"Yes!" Both Roberto and Sam gave each other a high five.
"And I thought the main team gave us enough headaches," Logan rolled his eyes.
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Speaking of headaches, it was on the following day when the Misfits arrived. At breakfast. "Why do we even bother with locks?" Rogue groaned as most of the Misfits helped themselves to whatever food there was in the kitchen. Pietro, Trinity and Spyder were wandering around somewhere.
"Darned if I know," Fred shrugged as he chugged down an entire carton of milk. He threw it away when it was empty. "You're out of milk."
"Thank you for informing us of this Fred," Jean said sarcastically.
"No problem," Fred grinned.
"And this is the kitchen," Todd was telling the new baby which had been christened the nickname 'Tadpole' despite Roadblock's objections. He was strapped into a carrier in front of Todd's chest. "See all the food."
At this the baby started to wail. "Looks like he's picked up his cue," Cover Girl took him from Todd. "Give him to me Todd, looks like the kid's hungry."
"How's the Misfits' newest recruit?" Hank grinned.
"Hungry apparently," Cover Girl got a bottle from the bottle warmer for the wailing infant. "Here we go little guy…Come on. Yes you're hungry aren't you?"
The baby gulped his formula greedily. "I knew it was the right decision to give him to you guys," Scott nodded. "I hate to say it but when it comes to babies you have a lot more experience than we do."
"The kid has twenty four hour coverage thanks to us and the kids," Roadblock nodded. "Toad's really taken a shine to him. And the toddlers adore their new 'little brother'."
"Actually I was talking about Quicksilver," Scott smirked.
"Speaking of new recruits how are yours?" Cover Girl asked as she fed the baby.
"Ugh," Rogue grumbled.
"That bad?" Althea asked.
"Well one's still in a coma so we can't really complain," Hank sighed.
"Bird Boy still hasn't woken up?" Todd asked.
Hank knew that the Misfits knew everything that went on around the mansion so he didn't bother to ask how Todd knew this. "No, it could be a while before he regains consciousness due to the loss of blood and shock."
"At least here he's away from his creep of an old man," Tabitha agreed.
"What about the other ones?" Roadblock asked.
"The Vandermer boy is all right," Logan told him. "Already got himself a code name, calls himself Static."
"He, Jamie and Madelyne are getting along like a house on fire," Tabitha said.
"AAHHH! STOP KISSING ME!" They heard Taylor screaming. "JAMIE GET THESE CRAZY GIRLS TO STOP KISSING ME!"
"IF I COULD DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE IT BY NOW?" Jamie shouted. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
"KISSY KISSY TIME!" Trinity squealed.
"I see he's already making friends with Trinity," Rogue rolled her eyes.
"Taylor's a pretty nice kid," Logan shrugged. "Too bad we can't say the same for his sister."
"Thank God the Professor was smart enough to build extra rooms in the new mansion so she could have her own," Kitty agreed. "Not to mention the other two new kids."
"Oh this I gotta hear," Althea put down her orange juice and looked at them. "Okay give me the lowdown."
"She's rude, self centered, spoiled and obsessed with popularity," Jean grumbled. "And those are her good traits!"
"You mean she's worse than you?" Althea teased.
"Ten times worse than Jean ever was," Rogue agreed.
"Miss Perfect Snob is dead, long live Miss Perfect Annoying Snob," Tabitha added.
"Thank you oh so much," Jean groaned.
"You're welcome," Althea grinned.
"Are my ears burning?" Starla waltzed in wearing a pink and white jogging outfit, her body still glowing as well as her wings. "Well who do we have here?"
"These are the Misfits," Jean told her. "These are mutants that work for GI Joe. This is Wavedancer, their leader. Toad, Avalanche, Blob, Scarlet Witch, Firestar, Shooter, Arcade…"
"AAAHHHHH!" Taylor was heard screaming. "NOT THE ELECTRIC WEBBING!"
"Your brother is meeting with Spyder and the Triplets," Jean rolled her eyes. "Pyro, Dragonfly and…Where's Quicksilver?"
"Who knows? Who cares?" Wanda quipped. "He's probably running around somewhere."
"So you all are army mutants?" Starla asked.
"Well I'm human and so are most of the adults but you get the idea," Arcade told her.
"It is true that is what we do," Roadblock said. "Now tell us all something about you."
"Oh please don't," Rogue moaned.
"Well," Starla immediately took center stage. "My name is Starla Vandermer and my mutant name is Gossamyr, with a y. You know as in that famous line on how she flies in on gossamer wings? I've always like that line and it really suits me now that I have wings. But I just amped up the spelling a little bit, you know to make it more interesting. Because let's face it, presentation is always important. I am the head cheerleader of Silver Spring High School and I am from the great state of Texas. I have two wonderful parents that own three car dealerships and a younger brother and I also have a younger sister who really isn't that important or pretty. In fact she's a real dog in all senses of the word if you get my drift. Actually I am the most beautiful and talented of the bunch but you all knew that just by looking at me didn't you?"
"Oh we've just learned more than you can imagine about you in the last minute," Althea said sarcastically.
"And I thought Kitty talked too much," Todd muttered to Fred.
"What are you doing? I thought you were still asleep?" Jean asked Starla.
"Well I had to get up at five for my morning run, stretches, and aerobics," Starla grabbed a glass of water. "Not to mention my squats, toning and other exercises I need to stay limber. Just finished exercising."
"You were up by five AM and you spent all this time exercising?" Logan was shocked. "It's nearly eight now!"
"You don't get to be head cheerleader since grade school by staying in bed until noon," Starla gave them a look. "You must be a very lazy PE teacher if you think that!"
"Oh I am going to love teaching you a thing or two," Logan growled. Then he realized what he had done. "Thanks a lot Roadblock, now you got me doing it!"
Starla had a puzzled look on her face. "That wasn't a come on was it?" Starla asked Jean. "He didn't just hit on me just now did he? Not that I can blame him…"
"WHAT?" Logan roared.
"Well calm down it's an easy mistake to make," Starla huffed. "Not like you're the first teacher to make a pass at me or anything."
"First of all…I was not making a pass at you!" Logan snapped.
"Calm down. I know you can't help it, I mean I do have that certain something that makes most men turn to jelly," Starla shrugged. "I've always had that talent of turning men on even when I don't want them too. It's just the way it is, a burden I have had to bear since I was a child. You don't have to worry about controlling yourself. As long as I'm in control you will be just fine."
"Oh where is my brother when we need him?" Wanda looked around. "I can't wait to introduce him to you!"
"No offense, but I hope he dresses better than you," Starla said. "I mean I'm not really into the whole Goth thing. It's not good for my image."
"Your image?" Wanda gave her a look.
"Wait until you hear this!" Rogue gave her a look. "Tell them your big plan Starla."
"You see once I get my powers under control I'll be able to go back to Silver Springs and finish high school there," Starla said. "See I'm not sure what to tell people yet, that I had skin cancer or a rare form allergic reaction to some glitter. But anyway, once I go back home I can just return to my normal life and forget about being a mutant. Well maybe take some medication for it but still…"
"You can't just take a pill and stop being a mutant," Rogue snapped at her. "It doesn't work like that!"
"Well not now but one of these days I'm sure somebody will make a shot or something," Starla shrugged.
"Don't even joke about that Starla," Jean gave her a look.
"Who's joking? It's a fact," Starla said. "I'll bet there are people even now working on a cure for mutations."
"I hate to say it but Tinkerbell here has a point," Logan grumbled.
"It's Gossamyr, not Tinkerbell," Starla groaned. "And it's not like I'm gonna go out and cut my wings off or anything. As cumbersome as they can be when I'm trying on clothes I like them. I just need something to keep the light show under control. I admit I kind of panicked when I first got them but for crying out loud it's not like I was stupid enough to try and kill myself or anything."
No one said anything. Obviously Starla knew nothing about Lina. How could she? She never let anyone else get a word in edgewise. Still she was oblivious to how her words had hit home with Lina. Lina turned slightly pale and nearly dropped her tea cup.
Oblivious to the tension in the room Starla went on. "Well once I do get back I suppose I have to make up some story about hurting my back and needing a brace. Which means I may have to give up my spot on the cheerleading squad to that bitch sister of mine but hey, I'll still have my scholarships and my spot on student council and the internship on the local TV show. Maybe I could do a fake news story about my illness! People love hearing things like that about local celebrities! I'd better get dressed and changed!" She grabbed an apple and flounced away.
"That's your new recruit huh?" Lance asked.
"Loquacious isn't she?" Hank moaned.
"Just plain nuts is more like it," Fred shook his head.
"For once I agree with the Blob," Logan groaned. "And not just on his choice of words!"
"More like her choices of words," Angelica put an arm around Lina. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, really," Lina nodded. "That was a long time ago. I worked through it. I'm okay."
"She didn't know," Jean said. "Not that she listens to a thing we say anyway."
"Girl has as much tact as a bulldozer," Rogue grumbled. "And fewer brains than one!"
"Bulldozers don't have brains," Fred blinked.
"Exactly," Rogue nodded.
"I've heard of denial but this is ridiculous," Angelica groaned.
"Mark my words, that girl is gonna fall hard and fast," Tabitha shook her head. "We really gotta talk to the Professor about adding on some kind of personality indicator on Cerebro or something."
"That's not a bad idea," Jean admitted.
"What about that last one you got? Autumn something or other?" Cover Girl asked, deciding to change the subject.
"Autumn Rolfson? Ugh," Logan shuddered. "She gives me the creeps."
"Logan," Jean admonished.
"Well she does," Logan snapped. "Something about her just doesn't smell right!"
"Logan…" Jean began.
"Her power's dangerous enough in the wrong hands but…She smells like a threat plain and simple," Logan grumbled. "And she's standing downwind of me isn't she?"
"Yup," Todd nodded. Autumn was indeed standing in the doorway. She quickly turned around and left without saying a word. "And you think I talk too much!"
"Way to make her feel at home Logan," Rogue growled and punched him not to gently in the arm.
"OW! I couldn't smell her okay?" Logan snapped. "And she walks too quietly for me to hear over your loud mouths!"
"How could you, Mister Super Nose not smell her?" Fred asked.
"She has a very faint smell," Rina wrinkled her nose. "Like ashes that have been on the ground too long. It's too faint and unnatural."
"This from the genetically advanced, adamantium enhanced clone," Shane gave her a look.
"Are you really in the mood to be shish kabob today?" Rina pointed her claws at him.
Meanwhile Bobby and Lorna had moved away into another room. "This place is never boring," Lorna shook her head.
"Tell me about it," Bobby chuckled. "There's always something going on. So how are you settling in?"
"Fine, everyone is really nice around here," Lorna said. "So what is it you want to tell me?"
"Actually I was kind of wondering if you and I…If you'd like to…You and I could go…do something…somewhere….together," Bobby coughed. "Or not…Well preferably together."
"Bobby are you asking me out on a date?" Lorna asked.
"Well duh," Pietro quipped as he zipped in. "Calling Captain Obvious!"
"Pietro where were you and why don't you go back there?" Bobby snapped.
"Oh just taking in the scenery," Pietro grinned.
"All right who stole my designer scarf?" Starla stormed in. "I know for a fact that I left it on my bed with my combo outfit set so I could wear it today!"
"Is that what you two were playing with?" Pietro zoomed around so it looked like he was taking it from Bobby but he was really removing it from his own pocket. "Shame on you! Here you are my fair lady. What lovely wings you have."
"And what a nice smile you have," Starla raised an appreciative eyebrow. "I'm Starla Vandermer."
"Pietro Maximoff," Pietro kissed her hand. "Quicksilver at your service."
"Thank you very much Pietro," Starla giggled.
"Look could you two please…" Bobby began.
BAMPH!
"Hey there you are!" Kurt teleported in.
"Kurt!" Bobby growled.
"Good gravy that smell!" Starla coughed. "You could put cancer in my lungs with that smoke! Lung cancer! That's what I can say I had!"
"What?" Pietro asked.
"Nothing, never mind," Starla said.
"So did you ask her yet?" Kurt asked Bobby.
"I was about to but I keep getting interrupted!" Bobby glared at him.
"I'd be glad to go on a date with you Bobby," Lorna said.
"Well then let's make this a double! Hey Starla you wanna hang out with somebody hot?" Pietro grinned.
"Yes but since Roberto or the fire guy's not available I guess I'll have to settle for you," Starla smirked.
"Rrrarr! Fiesty!" Pietro grinned. "Me likey…"
"Well then it's a double date then," Starla grinned.
"Yeah you two would hit it off," Kurt remarked.
"Why don't you just invite Amanda too?" Bobby said sarcastically. "I'm sure Doctor Strange will let her have a night off."
Which Kurt was oblivious to. "That's a great idea! I'll go call her!"
"Yeah and while you're at it why doesn't every couple in the mansion go with us?" Bobby shouted angrily after him.
"Really? You think we should all go out?" Rahne asked as she walked in with Doug. "That's a great idea! I'd love a night out."
"Come on, let's go tell the others!" Doug said as they ran off.
"You know one of these days I am going to learn to keep my big mouth shut," Bobby groaned.
"Come on Bobby it will be fun," Lorna said. "This way I can also bond with my new friends more. I mean how bad could a group date be?"
"You really are new around here aren't you?" Bobby sighed.
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A threat…That is what I am. Plain and simple…Autumn sat in a chair by the door of Xavier's office later that day. I don't know why it should bother me he said that. I mean it's true. I'm a threat. I could easily go off and kill any of them. Then again any of the other students could do the same to me.
Not that I would actually care if they did so. They can't treat me much worse than my parents did. At least these people are reasonably polite to me even if they are liars.
Take that Rogue girl. She may not be able to touch anyone either but at least her powers make her useful to do something other than kill and destroy everything.
I don't think any of them knows what it's like to be born only to kill.
Wait maybe one or two of them do…
That's right I remember overhearing something about that Wolverine and his clone. X twenty something.
Well then they should know. And If I am a threat to them…
I am a threat to everyone…
"You couldn't have gotten into that much trouble already. You just got here."
She looked up and saw Jesse with a smile in front of her. "Hey, I'm Jesse. People call me Bedlam."
"Autumn," She said. "Forgive me for not shaking hands but…"
"Hey don't worry about it," Jesse shrugged. "It's no big deal. Okay maybe to you and Rogue it's a big deal but…Well we could just get you some gloves for now so you could shake hands or something."
"I've tried that," Autumn told him. "For some reason every time I put some on they disintegrate. Not the rest of my clothes, which is lucky for me I guess but still…"
"Oh," Jesse said. "So what did you do?"
"Besides being a killer?" Autumn raised an eyebrow.
"Come on that was an accident," Jesse said. "It's not like you lied about it and made us all look like idiots or anything."
"There was no point in hiding the truth," Autumn shrugged.
"Maybe he's just setting up a schedule for you or something?" Jesse said. "I mean we all have to go to these dumb therapy sessions. I guess it's better than us killing each other, uh no offense."
"None taken," Autumn shrugged. "They said they would help me. But so far I'm not so sure they can. I may be beyond help."
"Don't feel too bad," Jesse said. "It's not just you. Things have a bad habit of going crazy around here. Classes do tend to get cancelled whenever there's an alien invasion or some crazy bad guy on the loose. I've been here for over a year and I'm not much better with my powers than I started. Look at Rogue, she still can't really touch people either. So don't feel so bad. Just give it a little time. I mean where else are you going to go?"
"You do have a point," Autumn said. "Unless I embrace becoming a killing machine there are no other options. And only part of me is ready to do that now. Maybe one day I will be able to do that."
"I've learned to enjoy my alone time," Jesse said nervously. She was giving him some very strange vibes. "I mean look how screwed up all the people who get regular attention are. So I go off and do stuff by myself. I read. Try to play a video game without blowing it up. I'm into macramé now, it's kind of fun."
Autumn said nothing. "I think I'll shut up now," Jesse gulped. "Uh I gotta go do something…somewhere… See ya." He walked away.
At least he tried…Autumn shrugged. Trying, I think that is the point of this place.
Trying to be normal when you're not.
Trying not to be dangerous when you are.
Trying to stay in control when you cannot control yourself.
Trying to pretend everything is going to be fine when everything's going to Hell.
I must be going to Hell. I did kill my parents after all. Did I merely change one kind of Hell for another? Is that my fate? Is that the fate of all mutants?
So what do I do? Do I fight against my fate? Can I fight against my fate?
Well if I lock myself up in a room for the rest of my life I can.
If I kill myself I can.
I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to go to Hell any sooner than if I can help it. I wanted my parents dead after all. I never was very religious but I sure do know what the rules are. If you kill people, particularly your parents you go to Hell. Pretty simple actually…No matter if they were jerks…Or how satisfying it was.
It was satisfying…Seeing them being afraid of me for a change.
Me, little worthless Autumn…
They were afraid of me.
And it felt so good. I never felt that good before.
I liked that.
Is that wrong?
If that's what I am, a killer…Nothing more than a dangerous weapon then why shouldn't I enjoy it?
But am I a weapon?
I don't know yet.
"Autumn?" Xavier opened the door. Logan was with him. "I believe Mr. Logan has something he wants to say to you."
"Yeah," Logan uncomfortably ran his hand through his hair. "Look what I said before…Down in the kitchen…"
"Was the truth," Autumn interrupted him. "You don't have to apologize for the truth or how you feel. I am a threat and a danger to everyone around me. You should be concerned about me. It would make things too easy if you weren't watching me."
"Too easy for what?" Logan blinked.
"If I ever decide to just get it over with and kill everyone," Autumn shrugged casually. "You might want to kill me first. I just thought I'd let you know that. You can do what you need to do. It doesn't matter to me."
To say this shocked Logan and Xavier was an understatement. "Autumn obviously we have some concerns about your…health," Xavier said diplomatically.
"Yeah her mental health!" Logan was able to say to Xavier via a telepathic link. "I told you there was something wrong with this girl Charles! Even Sabertooth has a healthier outlook on life than she does! And that's saying something!"
"Logan! This girl has obviously been through a lot of psychological as well as physical stress! Please!" Xavier sent at him. He spoke to Autumn as she went inside the room. "Autumn we're here to help you. If you'd like we can start now. Logan if you will excuse us?"
"Yeah a regular little Miss Sunshine," Logan groaned under his breath as the door closed behind him. "Good luck Charles, you're gonna need it!"
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In the end there were quite a few couples going on the dinner date. Besides Bobby and Lorna there were: Pietro and Starla, Fred and Lina, Rogue and Remy, Kurt and Amanda (who had indeed gotten permission to go from Doctor Strange), Scott and Jean, Doug and Rahne, Roberto and Amara, Tabitha and Sam, Jubilee and Shane, Todd, Althea and Xi…They wanted a threesome for some reason. Also showing up were Tim and Dead Girl, Kitty and Peter who had finally gotten the nerve to date each other again. And finally…
"What the hell is she doing here?" Kitty snapped when Willow sauntered into the room wearing a low cut green dress that made J-Lo's look conservative.
"She's my date," Lance told her. "Not like you care any more do you?"
"No I don't!" Kitty snapped. She grabbed Peter's hand. "Come on Peter let's go!"
"Oh and to think I wondered if there was going to be any entertainment this evening," Pietro snickered.
And so the group date went underway. But since most of the restaurants in town had banned mutants there was only one place they could go. The Strega Rossa, the Italian Restaurant that Kurt and his family had once taken Amanda's family. You remember, the episode My Dinner With Nightcrawler? Yeah that one.
Now you're probably wondering why exactly would that restaurant that had not only a major mutant brawl as well as getting raided by SHIELD and having a few walls blown open would allow mutants back into the restaurant. That's because the Strega Rossa was co-owned by a Mister Anthony 'Big Tony' Rovezzi and his partner in many things…Jeffrey 'Brownie' Wider. The latter had been on the FBI's most wanted list for about ten years and every other week there was a rumored sighting.
Not to mention there was a lot of other business going on by Big Tony. A lot of buisness that wasn't exactly legal. Let's just say that the night of Kurt and Amanda's dinner turned out to be one of the least violent nights there.
So the gang found themselves once again at the Strega Rossa. Coincidentally the very same room many of them were in before about two years ago. "I told you this was the same room," Todd said. "I recognize the cracks in the ceiling."
"You've been here before?" Starla asked.
"Yeah this is the place that Amanda's mom came out of the Broom Closet," Pietro snickered.
"The what and the where?" Starla asked.
"Amanda's mom is a sorceress and it turns out Amanda's one too," Pietro gave her the short version.
"I always liked this restaurant, it's a nice place," Fred munched on a breadstick dipped in flavored olive oil.
"I thought they were suing us?" Amara asked.
"Nah they just threatened to do that for insurance reasons," Tabitha told her.
"Okay what the heck is going on with you three?" Sam blinked at Althea, Todd and Xi who were sitting together.
"Well Xi was feeling a little lonely and we decided to cheer him up," Todd said.
"But this is like a date thing," Sam told him.
"Yeah so?" Althea asked.
"So?" Scott nearly spat out his water. "So?"
"Relax Summers it's not that kind of date," Althea rolled his eyes.
"Yeah get your mind out of the gutter," Todd groaned.
"It's a huggy date," Xi said cheerfully.
"A huggy date?" Rogue turned to them. "Okay this I gotta hear. What the hell is a huggy date?"
"It's kind of like a real date only the only thing you want to score with is a hug," Todd said. "It's more of a bonding thing. I mean why should Xi feel left out if he doesn't have a gender?"
"I swear you people get weirder every day," Rogue muttered.
"Well you shouldn't do anything too weird," Starla remarked. "I don't know what the penalty is if you fornicate with a non gendered lizard."
"Penalty?" Althea gave him a look.
"Sins, penalties," Starla shrugged. "All the same thing. Okay so maybe my Mother didn't take me to church on every single Sunday growing up but she made sure we read the Bible. And I'm pretty sure fornicating outside your species is pretty much forbidden."
"Xi is a mutant just like us," Althea glared at her. "Just different, that's all!"
"Well that's my point," Starla said. "Just that sometimes things are just too different no matter what they are! Look at Kurt and Annie here…"
"Amanda," Amanda glared at her. "My name is Amanda!"
"Whatever, look at them," Starla began. Then she noticed that Kurt did look different. "Well look at you. You're not blue anymore…"
"Oh right," Kurt turned off his holowatch. "It's an image inducer. I use it when we go out to public places sometimes."
"Well that's a pretty handy gadget to have," Starla remarked. "Maybe I should get one of those things. Hell maybe I won't need to spend that much time around here as I thought after all!"
"You were about to make a point or something," Amanda said. "What about me and Kurt?"
"Well…You know…He's Christian right?" Starla asked. "And you're a witch right?"
"Catholic," Kurt corrected.
"Sorceress," Amanda said. "Go on."
"Well it's just why bother to get too serious when you're never going to meet each other in the afterlife," Starla shrugged.
"Who says?" Amanda asked.
"Well its pretty obvious," Starla was surprised. "She's a witch. Witches don't go to heaven."
"Says who?" Tabitha asked.
"The Bible dummy! You know about that part where it says thou shalt not suffer a witch to live? That's where it says so," Starla huffed.
"I'm also part demon," Kurt said to her.
"Oh well then I guess its okay for you two then," Starla waved.
"So you're saying if you're not a Christian you don't go to heaven?" Kitty was more than a little offended. "That apply to the Jews as well?"
"Don't you put words in my mouth! Of course Jewish people go to heaven," Starla glared at her. "They believe in the one God don't they? That's what counts! They go to the Jewish section of heaven. You know full of temples and bagels and nice stores and accounting firms and those little fried potato pancakes they have on their holidays. They still worship the same god as we Christians do. Even if they were wrong about Jesus. That's why they don't get the best section of heaven."
"And Catholics go to Catholic Heaven and so on?" Rahne asked getting a strong urge to bite the intolerant girl.
"That's right," Starla nodded.
"Really," Pietro gave her a look. "I'm half Jewish and half Romani. Where do I go?"
"I don't know but I'd love to tell him where he should go," Remy grumbled.
"How should I know? Maybe you get a pass or something? Look I didn't make the rules here!" Starla huffed. "It's just the way it is!"
"I'd like to raise my glass and say congratulations to the X-Men on their new recruits," Lance said sarcastically raising his glass. "Trading the screaming baby for her. Smart choice."
"I don't suppose you'd like to trade him back?" Scott asked.
"No, I think Lance knows a good upgrade when he sees one," Willow said.
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Kitty snapped at her.
"It means she has a better body than you do," Starla said. "Come on anyone can see that!"
"How would you like your clock cleaned?" Kitty snapped at her. "I'll take you both on! I mean it!"
"Bring it on!" Willow snapped.
"Okay people place your bets!" Todd called out.
"STOP IT! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!" Jean snapped.
"Will you people please not act like animals for once in your lives?" Scott snapped. "Please! I'd like to get through at least one night out without any major fights or anything else going wrong! Is that too much to ask? Is it? So please, let's not argue or get into anything major or start anything! Can we just agree on that and have one pleasant dinner out? Can we?"
Twenty minutes and the appetizer course later…
"We can't," Scott groaned as nearly everyone was yelling at each other at the table. Actually most people were yelling at Starla.
"You are comparing gays to interracial marriages?" Roberto shouted. "My mother is white and my father is black and you say it's wrong! This is just like Christmas with my grandparents!"
"I wasn't talking about you! I just meant that people over reacted to little things like black and white people marrying when they should really be focused on same sex marriages and the damage they cause!" Starla huffed. "I mean your parents worship the same god right?"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WITCH?" Kitty yelled. "You know my Dad is gay!"
"And he's dating my uncle," Doug defended.
"All I'm saying is that your Dad's way of life is completely wrong!" Starla yelled at Kitty. "I mean the two of you being related like that? I mean it's like they're inbred hicks from Kentucky or something!"
"I'm from Kentucky you bigoted…" Sam shouted.
"Sam you're a gentleman, you don't hit a lady outside of combat," Tabitha reminded him. "Me, I'm another story! Hey Mrs. Archie Bunker! CATCH!" She threw a small time bomb into her salad.
BOOM!
"AAAHH!" Starla gasped as she was covered in salad and balsamic vinaigrette dressing. (And believe me that stain does not come out well!) "My dress! My hair!"
"Good shot!" Kitty whooped. "Now if you can only get the bimbo over here!"
"Who are you calling a bimbo you two timing tramp?" Willow snarled.
"That's it! You're dead!" Kitty phased through Peter's grasp and tackled Willow.
"Okay I got five on Kitty!" Todd called out. "Place your bets people, place your bets!"
"You low class…" Starla leapt at Tabitha but Tabitha easily countered with a strong right hook. "Ahh!" Starla ran out.
"Yeah you'd better run!" Tabitha yelled after Starla. Sam held Tabitha back from chasing her.
"Kitty can it!" Scott and Peter dragged her off Willow. Lance and Pietro dragged Willow off.
"Yeah I think we're all going to take a break now," Jean took Kitty by the arm and dragged her to the ladies' room. Rogue and Althea followed them dragging Tabitha.
"Geeze Jean where did you dig that one up?" Althea asked as they got inside.
"I'd like to dig her a grave," Rogue muttered. "By the way nice hit Tabitha."
"You should have let me hit her some more," Tabitha snapped.
"Look as much as I can sympathize with your feelings about Willow and Starla…Especially Starla," Jean sighed. "You can't just beat people up when you feel like it!"
"Because you've already beaten the crap outta Willow," Rogue gave her a look. "And you don't want us doing a repeat of what you did at that conference in Washington?"
"Yeah people might think you're back together with Lance or something," Althea snickered.
"Okay you have a lot of good points there," Jean groaned.
"My god what a bitch!" Pietro zoomed in. "What a bitch!"
"Quicksilver! This is the ladies' room you moron!" Rogue snapped.
"Oh like you were doing anything private and personal!" Pietro grumbled as he looked in the mirror and styled his hair. "Back to me. I thought this Starla was a hot chick but she is a total dud! I am dumping that girl the second the check is paid! She is so not on my wavelength. I have standards you know? Do you think I have too much gel in my hair?"
"How stupid of us to worry about him," Kitty rolled her eyes. "Like Pietro would tear away from a reflection of himself!"
"She's completely self obsessed," Pietro went on. "Doesn't care about anyone else or their feelings. Just rattles on about herself, completely oblivious to the situation!"
"Gee and I thought you two had so much in common," Jean said sarcastically. She then tossed him out the door telekinetically.
"HEY! HEY! HEY! I HAVEN'T CHECKED MY TEETH YET!" Pietro yelled as he was tossed out. The sound of him crashing into a waiter and several dishes could be heard.
"Sounds like our food is here," Tabitha remarked. "Boy am I hungry! Beating up people sure fuels your appetitite!"
"Just behave yourselves for once please?" Jean groaned. "I know it's a little late for that but can we not add to the violence and insanity of the evening?"
"Yeah nobody else telekinetically throw Quicksilver into a waiter," Kitty rolled her eyes as they went back. Jean gave her a dirty look.
"Well we're back," Althea said as they came back. "What the heck…?"
"Red, red, wine…" Shane hiccupped as he danced on the table with Roberto. Both had wine glasses in their hands.
"Goes to my he-ee-ad!" Roberto danced around as well. Then they both fell down flat on the table laughing.
"I don't believe this," Jean closed her eyes as if she was going to explode. "I do not freaking believe this!"
"SHANE SHOOTER WE ARE SO GOING TO HAVE A FIGHT WHEN YOU SOBER UP!" Jubilee snapped.
"I told you not to drink that man," Lance groaned. "Okay Shooter's just dumb but Sunspot I would have thought you would have known better."
"Hey guys you just missed the show," Todd called out.
"I can't believe this!" Jean grumbled as she sat down. "Scott didn't you stop them?"
"No, and quite frankly I felt like having a sip myself," Scott grumbled as he took a careful sip from his glass. "I've had a long week so don't lecture me. Actually I've had a long year…"
"Scott!" Jean said.
"What they're not going listen to me anyway!" Scott snapped. "Can't beat 'em, join 'em."
"I'll drink to that," Remy shrugged as he took a sip of wine.
"Swamp Rat!" Rogue fumed.
"What? Wine in moderation is good for you," Remy told her. "And it is widely accepted in Europe."
"We're not in Europe Stupid!" Fred rolled his eyes. "We're in one of the America continents. Top America! Shesh! And people call me dumb!"
"That's because you are dumb Blob," Remy gave him a look. Fred made a face back.
"It's official, we've all been hanging around Shipwreck too long," Lina groaned. "I knew it was a matter of time before we all became alchoholics!"
"What kind of restaurant serves wine to minors?" Jean snapped.
"Apparently the same kind that has men betting on chickens fighting each other in the back room," Todd shrugged.
"Your chicken cacciatore miss," The waiter placed Jean's order in front of her.
"Now we know what happens to the loser," Althea quipped.
"And knowing really takes the taste out of it," Jean groaned. "Where's Starla?"
"Who cares?" Fred remarked. "Pietro's not here either."
"Good, let's enjoy our hangovers in peace and quiet," Scott muttered.
"You haven't drunk that much yet," Remy remarked.
"No, but I plan on drinking more," Scott remarked. "A lot more!"
"Scott how can you even say something like that?" Jean huffed.
"OH MY GOD! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Pietro was heard shrieking. "YOU ARE DEAD!"
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Scott held his still full wine glass. "I give you Exhibit A!"
"STARLA HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU LYING LITTLE TRAMP!" Pietro squealed.
"Okay let's see what trouble they've gotten into now!" Jean got up with the others to investigate. They ran into the back and saw a stunned sight. A half dressed Starla with a drink in one hand and a half dressed waiter in the other. In a bathroom stall in the men's room.
"It's nothin' personal," Starla slurred. "Alberto here is just a good kisser thazzalll…"
"HOW'S THIS FOR PERSONAL?" Pietro shrieked as he quickly gave a killer wedgie to the boxer short wearing waiter. Then he kicked him in the behind very hard.
"AAAHHHHH!" The waiter screamed in agony and crawled away with his life.
"How did she get drunk so fast?" Kitty blinked.
"How did she score with a guy so fast?" Willow blinked. "Even I can't do that!"
"It's official, Willow, Jean and Kitty have been dethroned from the Queen of Tramps title," Fred remarked.
"The Queens of Trampdom are dead," Xi said. "Long live the Queen!"
"I don't believe it! She dumped me!" Pietro wailed. "She just dumped me in the middle of a date! Me! HOW COULD SHE?"
"Oh I cannot wait to tell your sister about this date!" Todd laughed.
"Oh go practice your Roadblock imitation somewhere else!" Pietro snapped. "I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID THIS TO ME!"
"You were gonna dump her anyway," Rogue told him.
"That's not the point! The point is my honor has been besmirched!" Pietro screeched dramatically.
"I think whatever honor you had was besmirched years ago," Scott remarked.
"No, he's still a virgin," Fred told him.
"I AM NOT! THAT IS A LIE!" Pietro screamed. "LIE!"
"It's the truth and you know it, you albino sissy," Kitty snapped.
"I believe he meant honor in the non sexual terms," Xi remarked.
"That he's a coward, a wimp, a cry baby," Todd listed.
"That's what I meant," Scott said.
"Don't forget he likes to hide in the closet," Remy said.
"I AM NOT THE ONE WHO'S GAY! BOBBY IS!" Pietro shouted.
"I AM NOT!" Bobby roared. "Next person who says that gets it!"
"ROGUE! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS?" Pietro whined.
"Why do I have to do it? Why do I even care about what that drunken tramp does?" Rogue snapped.
"Because you are my sister and since Wanda's not here you have to take care of it!" Pietro shrieked.
"No, I don't," Rogue said.
"Yes, you do!" Pietro shouted.
"No, I don't," Rogue snapped back.
"No I don't!"
"Yes you do!"
"NO I DON'T!"
"Yes, you do! Yes, you do!" Pietro snapped. "Now go and beat Starla up!"
"Beat her up?" Kurt asked.
"Yes!" Pietro snapped. "Rogue has to beat Starla up for cheating on me! It's in the code!"
"You know we would have saved a lot of time if you had just said that in the first place!" Rogue prepared to beat the stuffing out of Starla. "Sorry Starla it's in the code!"
"Rogue! No!" Jean snapped. "You can't beat her up!"
"Starla tell us all what you think about clones," Althea asked.
"What do you want to know what I think about those immoral things?" Starla hiccupped.
"As I was saying Rogue, you can't beat her up without my help!" Jean glared at Starla.
"Iceman is gay," Remy's voice was heard.
"WHAT?" Bobby snapped as he turned around and socked a stunned Remy one.
"Hey! Remy pretty sure he didn't say that!" Remy grumbled. Before anyone knew it, there was a minor mutant brawl in the men's room. Soon it spilled out into the dining room.
"Freddy you're getting good at throwing your voice," Todd snickered.
"It's a gift," Fred grinned at the pandemonium he helped create. "Now who's the dumb one? Heh heh heh."
"ALL RIGHT EVERYONE FREEZE!" Detective Abrams of the Bayville Police department showed up. He barley missed a frost blast.
"Oops, sorry Detective," Bobby stopped. "What are you doing here…?"
"SHRED THE BOOKS!" A mobster ran by with a live chicken clucking under his arm. He was being chased by some police officers. "SHRED THE BOOKS!"
"Oh a raid," Scott sighed. "I am so glad I am not going to be sober for this." He took another swig of wine.
"So what are you kids doing here?" Detective Abrams asked.
"Depends on which version the judge will buy," Althea said. "What do you think? Innocent night out or undercover mission?"
"I'd go with the undercover mission," Detective Abrams remarked. "I suppose you all know the drill. Do you want to just quietly go in the squad cars or do I have to handcuff anyone."
"How about you just handcuff her?" Kitty pointed to an unconscious Starla. "She's a very dangerous mutant."
"Yeah and lock her in a cell too!" Pietro huffed.
"Okay," Detective Abrams shrugged.
"Beat her up with rubber hoses!" Pietro added.
"We're not gonna do that," Detective Abrams sighed.
"Well then can you give me a rubber hose so I can beat her up with it?" Rogue asked.
"Me too!" Kitty added. "I'll take one of 'em!"
"Forget the hose," Tabitha said. "Just lend me your gun for a second."
"The Professor is going to be so thrilled about this," Jean groaned.
"Well this has been some date," Lorna groaned. "Now I know why you were against a group date!"
"And knowing is half the reason we have our lawyer's numbers on speed dial," Todd quipped.
"You know something though," Bobby sighed. "I think this was one of our better date nights."
"Yeah," Big Tony said as he was led away in handcuffs. "It was pretty quiet tonight wasn't it?"
Starla's such a fun little rhymes with witch isn't she? Doesn't she just make you wanna bash her little brains out with a very heavy brick? And Autumn isn't exactly stable either. Oh boy things are going to get very strained in the future!
Next up, it's more fun and mayhem as chaos is caused, the mansion gets invaded again, Danger Room sessions start and more student fun and madness! Not to mention some fun character torture!
