"Have we got everything we need?" Kyle asked, putting items in the wicker basket sitting on the kitchen table.
Every conceivable piece of food that they might need had been stored inside. Andy was a big man, having the appetite of a horse, even if his companions didn't. It was likely that the old man would spend most of the day munching his way through the sandwiches and snacks that they'd prepared.
Kyle frowned, realising that his father was nowhere in sight. The two of them had gone for a run this morning and he'd bitten down on the urge to bring up the nightmare from the night before.
They'd jogged in near silence as the sun began to rise over the beautiful expanse of the lake, yet the feeling that his father was still deeply conflicted meant that Kyle had been unable to appreciate the true wonder of their surroundings.
Even though Andy had said he would deal with any further disturbances, Kyle had slept with one ear open, ready to shoot out of his bed and into his father's room at the merest hint of a sound. Besides, Andy snored like an elephant and slept like the dead, both of which would greatly reduce the chances of the older man hearing anything at all.
But his father had remained silent throughout the remainder of the night and had either been unaware or unwilling to admit to the bad dream he'd had. Kyle knew it wasn't his place to push him either, but he was missing Calleigh so damn much that it was as obvious as having a neon sign above his head stating the fact.
Deciding that he'd been playing with fire the last time, Kyle had thought better of contacting Calleigh again, even though he'd promised to keep in contact with her. His father would not thank him for meddling in his affairs, but that didn't stop him feeling the need to push him in the right direction when it came to the woman he loved.
Ignoring whatever Andy had been saying to him, Kyle crept quietly down the hallway towards his father's room. Finding the man with his head bent and elbows resting on his knees, he knocked on the open door softly.
"You ok, Dad?" Kyle asked standing in the doorway, noticing the phone that the man held in his hands.
Horatio nodded, quickly placing the cell phone in his pocket, offering his precious boy a soft smile. "Just checking my email."
Kyle knew it was a lie. It was obvious that his father was looking at her picture again, just like he'd done every day since they'd left Miami. Perhaps he'd been unaware, but he'd caught him looking at the screen with such sadness that it almost broke Kyle's heart. Why didn't he just suck it up and call her?
"We're almost ready to go," Kyle replied, motioning his head toward the kitchen, respecting the fact that his father didn't want to discuss the real reason he'd been caught staring at his phone.
"I'll be there in a minute. I need to make a call first if that's ok?"
Kyle's heart soared. Was his father finally contemplating calling Calleigh? He felt a surge of excitement flow through him at the thought. "Take all the time you need," he responded, closing the door with a smile.
As the door shut, Horatio willed himself to find the courage to dial her number. He'd spent the majority of the long drive to Lake Monona thinking on the words of his therapist. Jeff was right, it wasn't fair to keep stringing Calleigh along. He needed to make contact with her and at least let her know that he was ok.
Part of him feared her reaction. Would she still be angry and upset that he'd left her so suddenly? Would she hate him for what he'd done to her? What had happened to his earlier sense of self-assurance that he would deal with things head on?
Maybe he didn't want to contemplate the fact that she might have already moved on, that there would be no place for him in her life anymore. After everything he'd lost, could he really stand to lose her too?
The Malucci's might have broken his bones but they had not completely broken his spirit. He would not allow fear and uncertainty to colour his actions. He'd never been fearful before and was determined that he wouldn't start now. For better or worse he would call her and face the harsh reality of the situation - whatever that might be.
It was Saturday morning. Calleigh had nowhere to go and no place to be so there didn't seem much point in rising early to greet another cold and lonely day without the man she loved. Horatio, once recovered, had tended to be an early riser and she'd found herself doing likewise, but now that he was no longer living with her there seemed no point.
Dozing for the last half an hour or so, she felt the warm and comforting presence of Moses making his way up the bed to nuzzle against her cheek.
"Hey, boy. Caught me any fish this morning?" she asked, holding up a sleepy hand to rub his ears.
The cat purred in response before settling down and looking at her expectantly. She knew what that look meant: Moses was asking if his master would return today.
"Not yet, Moses. Sorry."
The cat looked almost disappointed as it slunk into a laying position, resting its head on its front paws, mewing softly.
"We'll be fine. Just you and me," she said brightly, trying to sound encouraging. Moses, to his credit, didn't look entirely convinced.
Now that she was more awake, she felt the need for coffee and breakfast claw at her empty stomach. Sitting up in bed, she brushed the free locks of hair from her face, willing herself to face the day with the same perky Calleigh Duquesne charm that she was known for.
Her phone began to ring as she threw the comforter off of her body. In her haste to answer the call she hadn't realised that she'd buried Moses underneath the duvet. Her heart began to pound as she recognised the number instantly, not needing to read the caller display for confirmation.
With little thought as to who might be on the other end, she answered the phone in a breathy whisper.
Such silence stretched that she feared she'd been the victim of a crank call, that some thug had stolen her lover's phone. Then the thought hit her, had the Malucci's caught up with Horatio with a plan to finish what they'd started?
No, that was ridiculous, the remaining members of the Malucci gang had perished in the explosion on the boat….hadn't they?
"God, it's so good to hear your voice."
The smoky tone was unmistakable. It was him, it was really him!
"Horatio?" she asked in a shaky voice, not sure if she was still dreaming.
"How are you, sweetheart?"
Another lengthy pause stretched between them as Calleigh considered her response. Was honesty the best policy? Should she tell him how hurt she'd been this last week?
God, when had talking to the man she loved become so difficult?
When he left you, the snide voice in her mind replied. She shook the negative thought away.
"I've missed you." It was honest and true. She'd missed him so badly that it hurt.
"I've missed you too. You don't know how much I've missed you."
His voice sounded so sad, so pained. Had he been hurting as much as she had?
"Are you coming home?" Try as she might, Calleigh couldn't keep the childlike neediness out of her voice as she spoke.
"Not yet. Soon though."
Her heart sank. Had he rung just to rub her face in it?
"How are you?" she asked, swallowing her disappointment like the bitter taste of vomit.
"It's been the week from hell," he laughed humourlessly.
"Mine too," she replied quietly. "You've done what you need to?"
"Almost. We left New York yesterday."
Damn Horatio and his infuriating ability to be so vague! God, it was like pulling teeth at times. Why did the man have to be so Goddamn monosyllabic?
To his credit, Horatio seemed to realise that he needed to explain himself. "When I was in the hospital….." he began before trailing off for a second or two. "Kyle told me that he wanted to go fishing when I was better. He's been so strong for me this week, Cal…..I felt as if I owed it to him to try and pay him back somehow."
Calleigh cursed herself once again for thinking the worst of him. His reluctance to return hadn't been because of her but because he had wanted to repay his son for his staunch support on his journey to New York. She felt like a complete heel.
"Andy's still there with you?" she asked. She certainly wasn't that keen on the man but the way that Horatio had not mentioned him gave her momentary cause for concern.
He let out a small laugh, the kind that rumbled in his chest and made him sound so sexy. "He's stuck to me like a limpet. I can't get rid of him."
"Good," she replied, meaning it.
"I owed it to him too. We're going to take a few days in Madison County to do some fishing before we come home. I need to spend time with Kyle before he heads back to his base. I don't know when will be the next time I'll see him after that."
She could hear the uncertainty in his voice, even if he was refusing to verbalise the fear he felt for his son's continued safety. "He'll be alright you know," she tried to reassure him.
"I know," he replied, letting out a deep breath. "I just feel so protective of him."
"He feels the same way about you, you know."
Horatio said nothing in return; she imagined him nodding his head in agreement with one of those wry smiles on his face.
"You haven't told me how you are, Calleigh."
What should she tell him, that she and Moses had been the most depressed that they'd ever been this past week?
"Work's been busy. We've had a couple of new cases fall into our laps. It's kept everyone on their toes." She was being deliberately evasive, not something that would escape Horatio's attention.
"You know that's not what I mean," he said quietly.
Was he trying to push her buttons, to provoke a reaction out of her?
Well, he'd asked for the truth and it was only fair that she reciprocate with her answer.
"I've hated it. I've hated every Goddamn single minute of it. You left me, Horatio!"
"I'm…"
She didn't give him a chance to reply. "You hurt me, Horatio. You think you can make it all better by saying you're sorry?!"
"I never meant to – "
"Well you did!"
Calleigh felt her chest heave as she built up a head of steam, her deep-seated anger getting the better of her as a week's worth of pain, hurt and frustration flowed through her body and out through her mouth like the unexpected eruption of a volcano.
"You packed your bags and left without a word of explanation, you spend a week only God knows where without even thinking to tell me how you are. You left me to face it all on my own, Horatio! Do you have any idea how much I'm hurting right now?"
At last her anger ran out, though her chest still heaved with the effort. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she made no effort to wipe them away. She could hear nothing above her own hitching breaths as she gulped in much-needed oxygen into her starved lungs.
The line was quiet, too quiet. Had he hung up on her?
"Well at least I know that you still care," he said in a quiet voice, at a loss for what else to say without invoking another verbal pounding from her.
"Of course I still care, you idiot. I love you for God sake!"
"Calleigh, you know that I love you too. I loved you too much to stay and hurt you anymore than I already had."
"You hurt me by leaving," she countered.
"And we would have ended up hating each other if I'd stayed."
"I could never hate you," she responded, shocked that Horatio thought she could be capable of such a thing.
"Maybe not hate," he corrected himself, "but we would have ended up resenting each other. I couldn't bear it if we had no relationship at all….not even friendship. I need you too much to ever do that."
"Looks like we have a lot of stuff to talk about," she responded finally, knowing that they wouldn't be able to resolve their issues through a brief telephone conversation alone.
"We do," he agreed. She heard Horatio let out another deep sigh, the kind of sigh that spoke of the constant conflict within him. "When I come back…..I'd like to meet up and talk to you properly…face to face, if that's ok?"
She felt momentarily unsure, what if all of those feelings of hurt came flooding back? She wasn't sure she could resist the urge to slap him for the hell he'd put her through this last week.
Horatio took her silence as a sign of her agreement on the matter.
"I need to explain things, I need to make you understand why I felt as if I had to go. I owe you an explanation at least."
You owe me a hell of a lot more than that, the negative voice in her head sneered.
"When will you be back?" she asked, trying to give the impression that this simple conversation was not taking such a massive toll on her.
"Early next week. I'll come and find you, ok?"
What choice did she have but to once more sit and wait for him?
"Ok, then."
"I'll see you soon, Calleigh. I miss you."
"Ok," she responded in nothing more than a whisper.
The line disconnected as she mouthed the words, 'I love you.'
Wiping away the stray tears that had rolled down his face, Horatio took a deep breath and forced his racing pulse to calm a little. How could a simple phone call affect him so much?
It wasn't as if he'd ever been this affected by making a phone call before. They were only words for God sake!
But Calleigh was still such an integral part of him that he'd feared she'd reject him completely. And who could blame her after he'd walked out on her like that?
What right did he have to call her up out of the blue, after a week of silence, and expect her to listen to his feeble excuses?
The truth was that there were no excuses for what he'd done to her. He'd packed his bags and left, ignoring her ever since because he'd been too cowardly to show how much he loved and missed her. He'd wanted to stay in denial, not wanting his lover to confirm that their damaged relationship was past the point of no return.
Her emotional outburst had been expected but at least gave him a small sense of hope that she still cared enough to want to fight for what was left of their relationship we he returned. He'd taken her anger as a sign that she still felt strongly enough to want to work out their issues. Had she not reacted at all he would have known there and then that there was nothing left to return home to.
It had only been a matter of minutes, but it had been one of the longest and hardest phone calls that he'd ever had to make. After a week of such tough conversations he wasn't sure how many he had left in him. The past several days had left him emotionally spent; even holding his head was becoming too much of an effort...
He was no good at this. He'd spent so long building his emotional walls that he'd all but forgotten how to ever scale them again. Like a sentry, he was born to stand alone. It was his duty in life to remain separate from those around him; keeping to the periphery and never finding himself getting too involved or emotionally invested.
His strength had been in the foundations of those walls; walls that had crumbled when his past had finally caught up with him. As if he were made of bricks and mortar, he'd all but collapsed in upon himself, leaving him weak and vulnerable.
After once being so open and emotional, he'd spent decades hiding away from himself and anyone who tried to get too close. When people got close they got hurt; it was his curse in life: to cause pain and suffering to those that loved him.
He had tried to deny the love they offered, telling himself that he was doing it for their own good. But he had grown weak, he'd let them in and they'd seen for themselves that he was far too damaged to ever be loved, let alone be capable of loving in return. He'd been weak, had let them get too close and he had hurt them because of it.
After suffering such physical brutalisation, the emotional fallout was in some ways so much worse and harder to endure. He'd found himself trying to explain his actions repeatedly, finding nothing but understanding and forgiveness from those he'd betrayed.
Now that he had come to some sort of understanding about his past it was time to man up and face the consequences of his life as it was now. He had hurt Calleigh deeply by leaving, of that he had no doubt, now it was up to him to do what he could to repair the damage that he alone had caused her.
At least Lady Luck had smiled on him and allowed him a few day's grace. He would spend the weekend enjoying quality time with his boy and an old friend before steeling his courage for the difficult return home and the strained conversations he would inevitably have to face.
