Chapter Fifty-Three
"So how old are you anyway?" Renee asked as she licked the cream cheese off her fingers.
They were all sitting around the kitchen table drinking coffee and eating the food Wildcat brought over. There were a few dozen bagels, various rolls, croissants, and muffins, as well as several containers of flavored and plain cream cheeses, jam, butter, and a large container of lox. Laurel was on her fourth bagel having found what she announced to be 'carb nirvana' while Felicity picked at one of the leftover Tre Colore salads as they had devoured everything else they'd ordered from Aparo's the night before. While she was a big lover of things with holes in the middle (doughnuts, bagels, lifesavers, those little peach flavored gummy candies that were always two for ninety-nine cents at the grocery store) the salad at least had the advantage of being healthy. Plus, the night terror and drama of that morning was affecting her appetite and, even though she felt a little better after speaking with Bruce, she still felt horribly guilty for letting things get as far as they did with Oliver. Speaking of whom…
Oliver was now planted firmly at her table right across from her as he munched on a toasted poppy seed bagel like he belonged there. His eyes caught hers and he bit into his bagel with a smirk as if he were reading her mind and knew exactly how much his presence was bothering her.
"How old do I look?" Wildcat asked with a grin as he bit into his own potato bagel that was piled high with smoked salmon and cream cheese with chives.
"At a guess I'd say maybe forty-five or fifty but since I heard a rumor that you're immortal I'd say that was probably wrong," she told him.
"You're immortal?" Oliver asked in surprise.
"Yep, pretty much," Wildcat told him. "And to answer your question, sweetheart, I turned a hundred and six last year."
Even Felicity stopped at that one. "I thought you were in your eighties?"
"Nuh uh," he told her. "I was born September 12,1910."
Oliver put down the bagel, "Are you a meta-human?"
"Nope," he told him. "I was just a normal guy until I had a curse put on me then a sorcerer I knew tried to counter-act it and I wound up slightly immortal."
"Sorcerer?" Oliver said dubiously.
Renee's expression matched the other man's, "And what does 'slightly immortal' mean?"
"Back when I was with the JSA," he paused, "You guys ever hear of them?"
"No," Oliver said with a frown.
"You want to take it, honey?" Wildcat said turning to Felicity causing a perturbed look to cross Oliver's expression and, from the grin on Ted's face, the other man knew it.
"The Justice Society of America was a secret organization formed to combat a Nazi threat calling itself The Fourth Reich," Felicity explained. "President Franklin Roosevelt was given intel that Hitler had acquired a weapon called 'The Spear of Destiny'-"
"Wait, *the* Spear of Destiny?" Renee asked dumbstruck, "As in the spear that pierced the side of Jesus?"
"That's the one," Wildcat told her. "Old Adolf and his buddies were into everything from mystical objects to creatin' super soldiers so the JSA was formed to stop 'em."
"Super soldiers?" Oliver asked, his jaw tightening as he looked at the older man. "Have you ever heard of a serum called 'Mirakuru'?"
"Naw, but all that was probably before my time," he told him. "I didn't join the JSA until it was reformed back in World War II. It was disbanded briefly after a bunch of asshole politicians wanted to force the members of the team to reveal their identities to the public so they all quit."
"Actually, that would be the right time-frame," he told him. "It was a super soldier serum developed by Japanese scientists during the war."
He shook his head, "I don't know anything about that; not by that name anyway. The Nazis and the Japanese were doing all kinds of stuff, mostly the Nazis. I was just a regular guy back then, no abilities or anything, so I left the magical crap to the guys like Dr. Fate and Zatara and stuck to flying planes and punchin' people out."
"So you're telling us that magic is real?" Renee said incredulously.
"Magic, aliens, demons, alternate universes, time travel, the whole nine yards," he said off-handedly. "We even had a bunch of folks with super powers on the team long before this meta-human shit ever hit the papers including our own version of that Superman guy from Metropolis." He grinned, "'Course, ours was from some kind of alternate Earth thing and was quite a bit older than that kid in the cape so it might not even be the same guy. I kinda thought that Lois Lane's article was pretty interesting though; either they got a lot in common or she hacked into the old JSA files and made it all up."
"Wait, so you guys had a Superman and he really was an alien?" Luke asked.
"Sure was," Wildcat told him. "Kal-El was a real stand-up guy, too. He took off after his wife died, poor bastard. Coincidently, she was named 'Lois', as well; she was killed in a tussle with one of our bad guys. It was a damn shame; the sick freak hit her over the head and she fell into a coma then died a few days afterwards. He blamed himself for not bein' there to save her while we were off fightin' and took off right after the funeral never to be seen or heard from again. He said he couldn't stay on Earth anymore, the guilt ate him up so bad it about damn near destroyed him. I always hoped, wherever it was he went to, he found some kind of peace." He sighed, "Anyway, he wasn't the only alien we met either. Let me tell you, workin' with the JSA was a real eye-opener."
"His name was Kal-El?" Luke asked, obviously intrigued. "What planet was he from?"
"Same as what Lois Lane wrote; a place called Krypton," he told him. "He told me all about it once. His planet was torn apart somehow and his parents sent him to Earth in some kind of pod when he was a baby in order to save his life."
Luke rubbed his chin and narrowed his eyes in confusion, "Okay, but if he's from another planet then why does he look human?"
"How can you tell?" Dick asked him. "All you can ever see in the pictures is a blur because he's moving so fast."
"Like I said, I don't know about this new guy but, according to Kal, there's lots of aliens that look like us," Wildcat said before taking another sip of his coffee. "In fact, accordin' to what he and a few other folks told me, there's always been aliens here and our ancestors just thought they was gods or somethin'; that's why his folks sent him here to begin with."
"Why? Because he looked human?" Laurel asked.
"That and because the plan was to have him grow up and rule the human race so he could recreate a new Krypton or some such." At the startled looks on the faces of his companions, Wildcat chuckled, "Relax! Kal was a pussycat; no matter what his daddy's plans were he wasn't going for it. He was just this sweet, humble guy from Smallville, Kansas who was raised by a farmer and his wife. His idea of gettin' rowdy was stickin' a slice of cheddar on his apple pie." He grimaced, "Only way he'd eat it, too. I took him to my favorite diner and tried getting' him to eat it with ice cream or whipped cream, anything but cheese, but he told me that he liked every kind of pie but apple because it always smelled better than it tasted and needed the cheddar on it just to make it worth eatin'."
"That's kind of true," Dick said with a frown. "Not about the cheddar but about how apple pie smells a lot better than it tastes."
"I like it," Luke said, devouring his orange-cranberry muffin before reaching for another.
"Cheese on apple pie?" Dick said dubiously.
"I like cheese on basically anything," he shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, Velveeta should be its own separate food group."
"So there were super powered masks around before the particle accelerator exploded?" Oliver turned to Felicity with a hard look, "And you didn't think to share any of that with the team? Not even after Barry's transformation?"
"Who's Barry?" Dick asked, eating a blueberry muffin.
"The Flash," Oliver told him, not taking his eyes off of Felicity.
"We had a Flash back in the day!" Wildcat said with a grin, "Name was Jay Garrick, helluva guy. Not perfect, but he was a good man, good sense of humor." He looked around the table, "He killed me once, you know. With his hat." He drew his thumb over his throat and made a slick sound like a knife cutting through flesh, "It was okay though; I kind of needed killing by that point and we had a good laugh about it afterwards. He's still kickin' around, too. Last I heard he was down on the West Coast somewhere. Around Keystone City, I think."
"He killed you with his hat?" Luke asked, slack jawed.
"He used ta wear this goofy chrome hubcap lookin' helmet on his head," the older man said as he gestured as if to demonstrate its dimensions. "Sucker was sharp, too boy. That thing cut through my carotid like a hot knife through butter."
That revelation only served to aggravate Oliver further. Felicity sighed, "Barry already knew about the original Flash," she told him, "He even met with him a couple of times after he became the Flash when he was trying to figure out what happened. Even before he 'transformed', he did tons of research on him and any other members of the JSA he could find which is why he decided to call himself The Flash in the first place."
Oliver's jaw tensed, "And you knew that, Barry told you about that before his transformation?"
"Some of it, but most of it came afterwards," she admitted.
"Did you tell him what you knew?"
"I'm the one who told him where he could find Jay Garrick in the first place," she said easily. "But, for the record, I didn't say anything until after he meta'd out and, even then, I didn't say anything until he asked me to find the information for him. Like I said, he knew who the original Flash was, he just didn't know his civilian identity or where to find him. I contacted Jay, explained the situation, then set up the meet."
"Wait, so you just knew where this guy was at; his secret identity, everything?" Renee asked her.
"Um, kind of," she said reluctantly. "If it's on a computer I can find it. I just sort of hacked into a few Federal databases and, voila! Plus, as it turns out, Bruce bought his company, Garrick Laboratories, a few years back and he stayed on as Director for a while so I really didn't have to look that hard."
"Just hacked into a couple of Federal databases," Renee said slowly. "I still can't get past level five in Plants VS Zombies." She shook her head, "So how many masks do you know?"
"I don't know, she frowned, "I kind of stopped counting a while back. At least forty though."
"Forty?" Oliver bit out.
"Forty that I've actually met or spoken to in person," she corrected. "If you want to know how many I've just heard of, then that might take a while."
"She really is mask catnip," Renee muttered to Laurel who was shaking her head bemusedly.
"You've met forty vigilantes?" Oliver repeated.
"Well, thirty-nine," she corrected. "I never actually met the original Flash, I only spoke to him and his wife over the phone although they did invite me to come down there along with Barry for Thanksgiving last year. I think Barry made it but I couldn't go because we had that whole Cheshire thing happening. Oh, and his wife still emails me occasionally." She turned to Wildcat, "You're right, they are such nice people and still very active in their community. Did you know he's the mayor of Monument Point now? Plus, she runs a battered women's shelter and started a community garden that provides the local homeless shelter and food bank with organic vegetables."
"No shit," Wildcat said in surprise. "Huh. Hey, how's Joanie doin' anyway?"
"Good, she had leukemia but went into remission after chemo. When I told her about my mom's leukemia it turned into this big conversation and, since then, she's kept in touch. They even sent me a Christmas card and some fruit preserves since she's really into canning. Best apple butter I ever ate in my life; I'll give you their number." She paused, "Oh damn, I should call them and let them know I moved," she said biting her lip before shaking it off. "You know, she pointed me toward a really good vegetable beef soup recipe that uses okra-"
"Did you know all of these people before you met us?" Oliver injected angrily.
"No, only…" she did a quick calculation in her head, "eight or so before I joined Team Arrow and I didn't even know they were all masks at the time. Six, well, technically eight but I'll say six, I met at Orbital, and the rest I met while working with you guys. Still, I've only officially been on teams with eleven vigilantes. Well, no, twelve. Wait," she bit her bottom lip again, "does Orbital count? Because, if so, then make that eighteen or twenty depending on who you count, possibly twenty-two vigilantes, but if not then we're back down to twelve. Unless you count Barry's team since I did help them a few times so that would be sixteen but I was never *officially* on the team so I still think twelve is a fair number. Oh, and FYI, I didn't count Ray or Daniel in any of that otherwise, depending on which one you chose, we'd be up to eight, ten, fourteen, eighteen, twenty-two, or twenty-four. Possibly forty-two."
Renee turned to Laurel, "Remind me to pick up a Powerball ticket later."
"I'm thinking of getting one myself," Laurel told her.
"How the hell do you know forty masks!" He said in frustration. "I don't even know forty masks!"
"Well, technically you said 'vigilantes' not 'masks' but, in any case, I said *I* knew them, not that you did," she said smoothly. "After all, you can be a vigilante without wearing a mask but, if we're doing a mask count…" she squinted her eyes slightly as she tried to do a quick calculation in her head.
"Never mind!" He growled, "So you told Barry, fine; why not tell the rest of us?"
"Tell you what? Why? What difference would it have made? Besides, I really don't know that much," she told him. "Like I told you, I met most of them after I met you, not before, and my access into Bruce's files was fairly limited. I was more interested in putting his system together than looking into every single file."
"She's telling the truth," Dick told him. "Bruce always tried to keep Baby as far from our world as he could."
He offered Felicity one more disgruntled look before turning to Wildcat, "So you're saying aliens really exist along with magic and everything else?" Oliver asked, his posture still stiff with residual anger. "And you really believe that?"
"Yup," he said confidently. "Not as weird as it sounds; Boy Wonder down there dated one for a while. Then again, so did I." He looked over at Renee and winked, "Blonde; had a rack that made you want to say Merry Christmas and Ho, Ho, Ho, all year-long."
Oliver turned to Dick, "You dated an alien?"
"At one point I was even engaged to one," Dick nodded.
"What kind of alien?" Oliver asked curiously, his attention shifting to the man sitting at the opposite end of the table.
Dick frowned, "What do you mean?"
He eyed the other man uncertainly, "Not to seem rude, but did she look…?"
"Human?" He filled in, not sounding the least bit insulted. "Yes and no. She was humanoid, but her people evolved from felines so she had vaguely cat-like features."
"Kori was part cat?" Felicity asked.
"Yes, and I can already guess what you're thinking so stop," Dick told her firmly.
"I'm not thinking anything," Felicity told him.
He tossed her a wry glance, "Bullshit; you and Barb are birds of a feather."
"Honestly, I'm not!" She told him. "I was just going to say that the idea of a cat person is pretty cool, that's all. Plus, you know," she tilted her head slightly.
"What?" He asked her.
"The cats and bats thing," she offered, wrinkling her nose slightly, "You guys tend to go for the alliteration, no offense."
"No, that's okay," he shrugged. "It's kind of true and, besides, it's better than what I thought you were going to say."
She frowned, "What did you think I was going to say?"
"That's okay, Boy Wonder," Renee told him as she smeared some jam on her bagel, "I like a little pussy myself occasionally."
Luke and Wildcat began to snicker rudely and Dick sighed and gestured toward Renee, "That."
"Cats are good, but I like dogs better," Felicity mused. As everyone turned to look in her direction, she shrugged, "Not that it's the same thing as what you guys were talking about, but still, I'm thinking about getting a pet so I figured I'd mention it. Cats are nice though; not to, you know, *date*, but nice."
"I go both ways," Laurel chimed in.
"Really?" Renee said with a wink causing all of the men with the exception of Oliver to snicker again while he merely rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily.
"Funny," she said dryly. " So aliens are real," Laurel said shaking her head as she reached for the strawberry cream cheese and began smearing it on a cinnamon raisin bagel. "I can't wait to tell my dad about that one."
"I can't wait to be there when you do," Felicity muttered.
"I knew about the alien thing already," Renee said, speaking up. "The magic thing though…Vic and Dragon were always talking about mysticism in martial arts but I didn't think it was the full-tilt boogie hocus pocus type stuff."
"Yup," Wildcat said. popping the last of his bagel into his mouth and chewing as he reached for another. "It happened when this asshole callin' himself 'King Inferno' tried to get me to throw a fight. When I wouldn't do it, he put a curse on me that was supposed to turn me into a cat." He chuckled, "Son of a bitch thought he was making a funny 'cause of my handle. He was plannin' on tossin' me into a pack of dogs or some other cliché bad guy bullshit but Zatara, that was the name of my buddy, he intervened. Unfortunately, it's apparently impossible to completely reverse a spell cast by another sorcerer so instead of becomin' a real cat it gave me enhanced vision, decelerated aging, and nine lives."
"So…you've really died before?" Renee asked slowly. "Like totally dead-dead, not just clinically dead?"
"Yup," he told her. "We're talkin' choirs of angels dead…not that I remember ever seein' any, but still."
"How many times?" Oliver asked.
"Bunch o' times," he told him. "At first we thought it gave me just nine lives but then I came back a tenth time and that's when Doctor Fate, another magic guy in the JSA, figured out that in order to really die I had to die nine times in a row in less than 24 hours which is why I'm only sort of immortal. I can still die, just not easily."
"So how long can you live for?" Laurel asked him.
"I don't know," he said gruffly, a slight tinge of sadness coloring his tone. "It's been over seventy years since I got that curse put on me and I look like I've aged maybe fifteen. I got a few new scars, some extra wrinkles, and plenty o' gray hairs, but physically the doc says I got the body of a twenty year old in his prime."
"Too bad you don't have the face to match," Luke joked causing the old man to throw him a mock glare.
"Watch it, kid," he told him. "You might be a hot shit amateur MMA fighter but I was the heavyweight champion of the world and I can still kick your ass."
"It must be hard watching all the people you love get old and die," Felicity said quietly and Wildcat offered her a small upturn of his lips.
"Yeah, well, it's one of the reasons I never got married. I thought about it a few times," he admitted. "I even had a couple of kids but, other than Polly, I never really let anybody get that close."
"You have kids?" She asked him.
He nodded, "Well, just one now. My first son, Jake, was killed back in '61 when he was just a baby. I never really even knew him, his mom and I had a brief affair and she got pregnant but I never knew about him until they were both gone. I tried lookin' for 'em but I never found hide nor hair so they were declared legally dead a couple of years later." He paused, his eyes taking on a haunted quality before speaking again, "My other son, Tom, his mom wasn't quite a one night stand but close. I didn't meet him until he was in his twenties. He knew about me though and, after I found him, he had kind of a chip on his shoulder about it. I tried telling him I never knew about him but, while he wasn't bitter, he was still kind of pissed that I didn't make more of an effort to be in his life sooner. He said that if he could find me then I should have been able to find him."
Oliver winced and, despite being annoyed at him, Felicity couldn't help but feel some measure of sympathy for him. Wildcat's story probably brought home exactly what she had been trying to tell him about Connor.
"So are you guys straight now?" Renee asked him.
"Kind of," he told her. "He's still sort of stand-offish but I drop in on him and his buddies every once in a while; make sure he knows his old man is still around. I even got a standin' invitation to Thanksgivin' even though I haven't taken 'em up on it. I just pop by and make sure everything's good, drop a few bucks on the table since he's still in college, then head out." He perked up, "Now he is a meta-human," he said turning to Oliver. "He's a shapeshifter who turns into a kind of were-panther."
Oliver threw him an incredulous look, "Seriously? A were-panther?"
Wildcat nodded, "He goes by the handle 'Tomcat'. I wanted him to take the 'Wildcat' handle since I'm technically retired but he turned me down, said he didn't want to be like me." His expression took on a hint of melancholy, "You know, if I could go back and do things over again I would have stuck with his mom." He rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced, "She and I had known each other a while, had a kind of slow burn, then just burst into flames one weekend. We only had one real night together before I sent her away for her own good. Shit hit the fan, as usual, and we were dealing with a bunch of stuff, she got hurt and nearly died, so that was that. I wanted to protect her so I told the team doc patch her up and get rid of her then walked out. I didn't even look back 'cause I knew if I did..." He exhaled roughly. "I had no idea she was pregnant. I know why she didn't tell me, I hurt her pretty bad so I get it. In my defense, I knew if I gave her the choice she would have stayed and I wanted her safe so I figured breakin' her heart was better than gettin' her killed. That said," he shook his head, "if I could go back I would've never let her go. I would have done right by her and been there for my kid."
Oliver's eyes met hers and she could see the flicker of emotions in their depths. Part of her wanted to reach out and offer him some sort of comfort but she didn't want to risk sending out mixed signals. Wildcat's story affected her as well. Oliver found out about Connor shortly before the thing with Slade and for the last seven months she'd been trying to get him to have a relationship with his son. While she understood that he had good reason to believe his presence could bring unwanted attention, all his son would think was that he had a father who never wanted him and sent him away as soon as he found out he was alive.
She met Laurel's eyes. The other woman gave her a pained look as if to say that talking to Oliver would do no good; until he was ready to allow Connor in his life, no amount of cajoling on their parts would change his mind. She nodded slightly and Laurel's mouth softened into a gentle smile.
She really was a wonderful person; Felicity could see it now. She could finally see the woman who had captured the hearts of Oliver and Tommy. This Laurel, the one who wasn't trying to be perfect, who didn't have drugs or alcohol weighing her down, who no longer allowed herself to succumb to mindless jealousy; this was the person she couldn't see before now. A slight shimmer of guilt hit her then for all the unkind thoughts she'd ever had of the other woman through the years but what was done was done. The past was gone and now all they had was the future to look forward to. She reached under the table to place her hand in Laurel's and the other woman started slightly before squeezing her fingers in return and swallowed back obvious tears at her gesture.
This Laurel, the one who shared her table and sat on her couch, this woman was her friend, she realized. She wasn't Perfect Laurel, or Gorgeous Laurel, just Laurel; a woman who was at times terribly flawed but oh so human, just like the rest of them.
'Thanks,' she mouthed and Felicity squeezed her hand one more time before letting go and looking to Wildcat.
"Are you going to be at Orbital tonight for the mission?" She asked.
"That's the plan," he told her, his slightly flirty smile returning. "Bruce told me to stick by your side so that's what I intend to do. Hell, if I'd known you gals were goin' ta go all Wild Wild West last night I woulda driven you home after all! You really shot some guy twice then ran over the other two with your car?"
"Yep," she told him.
"Actually she ran them over four times," Dick said dryly.
Wildcat's eyebrows nearly hit the roof, "Four times?"
"It was not four times!" She said rolling her eyes at him. "It was just two times—each."
"Shit," he chuckled, "I knew after I watched you kick Helena's ass you were somethin' else, but damn honey, you sure you don't want to dump that man of yours and run away with me instead?" He asked with a naughty grin. "We could have some real fun times!"
"I think I'm a little too old for you," she told him with an answering smile, "I'd never be able to keep up."
"Oh, I'm sure you could manage just fine, honey," he said with a downright dirty wink.
"You got into it with Helena?" Oliver asked his eyes narrowing on the much older man.
"Uh huh," Felicity said with a proud half-smile, "I beat her good, too." She turned to Laurel, "Did you see her hair? The way it was all sticking up and ragged in the back? I did that; nearly snatched her bald right after I kicked her leather clad ass!"
"She was definitely looking rough," Laurel agreed. "Loved the broken nose, by the way. She looked like a raccoon."
"Thanks!" She said brightly.
"She could have killed you," Oliver said disapprovingly.
"Son, I think you got that backwards," Wildcat chuckled. "When this little cutie told Helena that she was thinkin' about dumpin' her dead and broken body into the river if she kept pissin' her off, she about swallowed her tongue. Hell, I didn't know whether I should be scared shitless or pop a boner."
"Gross," Dick grimaced dropping his bagel. "Ugh! I did not need that image, especially not while eating."
Luke looked equally green around the gills while Renee just grinned at her.
"Damn, chica!" She whistled appreciatively. "That's hot!"
"I was just bluffing," Felicity said, cheeks flushing.
"If you were having to bluff then you shouldn't have been challenging her in the first place!" Oliver glowered. "Why in the hell would you even-!" He rubbed his hand over his mouth and drew his lips into a hard line.
"I didn't *have* to bluff," she said roundly, her irritation creeping through in the form of sarcasm. "I could have just killed Helena at any time but I was wearing a borrowed outfit and I didn't want to get blood all over it. *That* would've been rude."
Luke, Oliver, and Dick all looked at her with expressions ranging from stunned silence to glaring disapproval while Laurel and Renee each struggled to keep a straight face. Wildcat, however, chuckled bemusedly since he was apparently the only man in the room who didn't have a stick firmly jammed up his ass.
"You think that's funny?" Oliver challenged.
"Yup," she said, popping the 'p' in as obnoxious a manner as she could.
Dick's mouth hung open slightly in an expression of complete disbelief, "Do you even know what Bruce would say if he heard you talking about killing someone that casually?"
She tilted her head in his direction and pursed her lips as if she were actually thinking about it, "I don't know Dick, you could call and ask but he'd probably just tell me to use his card to buy a new sports bra and biker shorts for Tatsu. I probably should do that anyway, tell you the truth. Hey Laurel, remind me to put that on the list along with a big jar of Vaseline."
"Vaseline?" Luke asked, looking dumbfounded.
She smiled brightly, "Well, I just figured if you guys are going to keep jamming your heads up your butts it might come in handy. Unless, of course, you're into rough trade."
Renee snorted rudely before clapping her hand over her mouth.
Wildcat chuckled, "You gotta admit, that was a good one!"
Laurel hid her face in her hands and began making this strange choking sound.
"Are you okay?" Oliver asked glaring at her.
Laurel looked up, snorting and laughing like a pig, tears running down her cheeks, "Your head…" she pointed at him through her sobbing laughter, "…is jammed up your butt so you need…you need lube for your *asshole*!" She paused to clutch her stomach and catch her breath, "Which is kind of weird when you think about it," she sputtered through barely contained giggles, "because *you're* acting like an asshole, so it's like…an asshole inside of…an asshole…like some kind of asshole turducken!" And at that she burst into an obnoxiously loud belly laugh that nearly caused her to fall out of her chair, "I w-wonder if they sell those at the grocery store! Oh God! I'm going to pee myself!"
At that point, it became sheer chaos. Within seconds Laurel, Wildcat, and Renee were all slapping the table and laughing so hard tears were running down their faces while Luke and Dick snickered and Oliver sat stone-faced looking quite unamused. He turned his icy stare toward Felicity who was still calmly eating her salad.
"Happy?" He asked flatly.
"Kind of," she said wrinkling her nose, "Not sure yet; I've never actually had turducken before."
"Ow!"
At that point Laurel's butt left the chair.
Her bladder, luckily, managed to hold up just fine.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
A while later all three women were showered and dressed, playing around on different tablets, as they waited for Tam to show up with the decorators. The guys were all still in the kitchen, having gotten dressed themselves, and apparently having a good time as every once in a while the sounds of male laughter would filter throughout the mostly unfurnished apartment.
"Why does Bruce have all these tablets just lying around all over the place?" Laurel asked, looking up. "Every room I've been in has at least two or three docking stations just sitting there; I even had two in my bedroom and one in the bathroom. I know he's a billionaire, but still; how many tablets do you need?"
"He likes his toys and he likes to have his tech close at hand when he needs to access something. Having to walk all the way into another room for something generally pisses him off, unless he's already pissed off and just trying to calm down, especially since he's not exactly the most patient guy in the world," Felicity told her without looking up. "Besides, his company makes them so they're pretty much free. Go ahead and keep them if you want, he won't care. There's a whole stack of them downstairs."
"Thanks," Renee said with a grin. "She's right though, the Bat does like his gadgets and he's definitely not afraid to use them. Speaking of gimme's though, are you sure your friend won't mind that you gave me this?" Renee asked as she straightened the labels on the men's style tan suede jacket.
"She was planning on giving it away anyway but if she has a problem with it Tam can get another," she said absently as she clicked on another link before looking up. "I'm just glad it fit otherwise you would've had to toss your stuff in with the load I put on earlier." The Brunello Cucinelli jacket, open necked shirt, and flare legged olive green pants fit Renee perfectly much to Felicity's surprise, "You're lucky Tam never takes anything in to get altered until the last possible moment. Is the sweater okay?" She managed to find one of Bruce's sweaters for her as well. The olive green cashmere sweater with leather patches on the elbows went well with the outfit even if it was a little on the large side. Still, with so many of the car's windows shattered they'd need all the warmth they could get.
"Yeah," Renee said with a grin as she ran her hand over the soft textured pattern over her stomach, "Got news for Bruce though; he ain't gettin' it back and I'm keeping the socks, too." She wiggled her toes in her stocking feet, her boots sitting on the floor by the couch as all three of them were curled up in basically the same positions they had been earlier that morning.
"Might as well keep his boxers while you're at it," Felicity told her.
"Oh, that's a given. I'm tempted to do another wardrobe raid on his dresser later; who knew men's underpants were this comfortable? I'm actually thinking of tossing my bikini cuts and becoming a total Drag King," Renee said then frowned and let out a muffled curse as she stared at the screen on her tablet. "Damn zombies! They keep getting to my sunflowers." She set her tablet aside and glanced over at Laurel, "What are you doing over there, hot stuff?"
"Playing Words with Friends with some idiot who is somehow beating the pants off of me," she grimaced. "I think all the hot yoga I did in rehab took away my ability to spell."
Felicity glanced over at Laurel and took a moment to admire the outfit she'd picked out as well. They all agreed that 'warm' was the word of the day so she let the other woman raid her personal clothes stash for a Michael Kors silk/wool blend cowl neck sweater in a warm fawn color that reached the top of her thighs and a pair of matching leggings since she already had a pair of Kate Spade booties that worked with it. While she and Laurel were both size fours, the other woman wore a size eight and a half shoe. However, she was able to give her a really nice Versace peacoat in black with embroidered leather sleeves. She grabbed it when they were going through Tam's storage units but, really, it wasn't her style. Mostly she just took it so she'd have something her sister could steal back right off the bat.
Keeping with the day's theme, Felicity decided to go for comfort as well so she was in her standby Donna Karan cold weather outfit: Slate gray leggings, cashmere tank, and a draped open front cashmere cardigan in a matching shade of ivory. It reached past her knees and, like all of the designer's clothes, felt like really comfortable pjs. She planned on wearing a pair of knee high slouchy Manolo boots with it but, like her companions, she was merely hanging out on the couch wearing a pair of Bruce's sinfully soft-
Oops. "Hey, remind me to pick Bruce up some socks," she said looking back down at her tablet. "He's running a little low. Also some underwear."
"Pick up a pack for me, too," Renee said absently. "Fucking zombie bastards! Learn how to spell!"
"You know, Renee is right; who knew men's clothes were this comfortable? I never really wore Oliver and Tommy's clothes but now I wish I had," Laurel said, admiring her toes that were currently encased in a pair of his taupe silk and wool blend dress socks. "It's like silky cushy love for your feet that go all the way up to your knees; I'm totally buying myself a pack."
"I like them too," Felicity said absently, "That's why he's running low. However, I figure that since we're eventually getting married that makes them community property so I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon; ditto on the undershirts and boxers."
"How much longer do we need to wait until your sister gets here?" Renee asked. "This is the fifth time the zombies have gotten into my house."
Felicity looked at the time, "Uh, it's not quite nine yet; let's give her another ten minutes then we'll leave. I just wanted to introduce you guys and give Laurel a chance to let her know what she wants done to her room but we can probably just catch her later if we have to."
"Wait, what?" Laurel said, looking up in surprise.
"What?" she said following another link.
"What did you just say?"
"Oh," she looked up from her tablet, "Uh, that we were going to wait another few minutes for Tam then take off."
"No, you said something about my room?"
"Yeah," Felicity frowned. "Unless of course you want to decorate it yourself. I'll just tell Tam to leave it and we can use Bruce's card to order whatever you want."
"You want me to pick out the decorations for the room I'm staying in?" She said incredulously. "Like the furniture and paint and stuff?"
"Yeah, unless you like it the way it is now. I just figured that since you're going to be living here you might want to make it your own," she said with a shrug. "Unless you don't like the room you're in, in which case you can choose a different one and decorate it instead."
The other woman blinked, "So when you told Ollie that this was our apartment you meant it; that this is *our* apartment? Yours, mine, your sister's, and Sara's?"
"Well, technically it's Bruce's apartment but since me, you, Sara, and Tam are going to be living here together; yeah, it's our apartment. Until, of course, I move in with Bruce at the manor and then it'll just be the three of you," she frowned. "Unless you don't want to live here, in which case I can talk to Bruce and he can find you something in one of his other buildings instead. The Gotham real estate scene can be pretty intense…"
"No, I mean, when you said I could stay here I thought you meant as a temporary guest," she said slowly.
"Oh. Well, like I said, if you'd rather-?"
"No," she said quickly, breaking out into a smile, "No, I'd love to live with you guys," she said with a sniffle.
Her lip began to tremble as her eyes filled with tears and Felicity blanched, "Did I say something wrong?"
"I don't think so," Renee said, staring at her as well. "Whoa!" Renee dropped her tablet to the side and held up her hands as Laurel lunged across her lap to gather Felicity into a hug.
"Thank you," she said brokenly as she sniffled. "I'm just…thank you."
"It's okay," Felicity said, patting her on the back awkwardly.
"Well, I'm having fun," Renee muttered as she eyed the woman now lying across her lap. "This is like a really emotional fully-clothed lap dance."
Laurel pulled back, wiping her eyes with her fingers, "I'm sorry, I just, um…" she sniffled and Renee reached into her jacket pocket and handed her a linen handkerchief with an embroidered W along the edge. "Thank you."
Felicity frowned and pointed at the starched white men's handkerchief in confusion.
"Swiped it from Bruce's drawer when I stole his socks, boxer briefs, and undershirt," she offered.
"Oh, okay," she said.
"By the way, I'm keeping the undershirt, too," Renee added. "It feels like it's made out of angel skin; that makes it mine."
"He's got plenty," Felicity said, waving her off.
"Fair enough," she returned. "You know, not that I'm complaining, but Bruce has kind of frou frou taste for such a tough guy. His underwear is like this amazing stretchy soft silky cotton, his undershirts are made of real silk, and I'm pretty sure I don't even want to know how much these socks cost much less the sweater."
"He might be Batman but he likes comfort," she told her. "In his defense though, he doesn't really do his own shopping; Alfred does. I have a feeling that he thinks the clothes just magically appear in the drawers."
She tiled her head in consideration, "Damn I wish I was rich. I could really use a magical clothes fairy."
Laurel wiped her nose then stuffed the hankie into her sleeve, "We might need to steal a few more then; it seems like I cry at a drop of the hat these days."
"It's okay," Felicity told her with a slight upturn of her lips, "We'll just stock up on Kleenex when we go to the grocery store."
"I was the same way when I got out of rehab," Renee offered. "When you come back to the real world, because you're straight now, you start feeling guilty for all the fucked up shit you did when you were drinking so whenever someone says anything nice to you, you don't know whether to burst into tears or run screaming in the opposite direction."
Her cheeks flushed and her eyes grew watery again, "Yeah, but I did some really, really fucked up shit; especially to Felicity." She bit her lip and looked at her, "I'm so sorry. I can't believe you'd be willing to take me in like this after all the things I said to you and the way I treated you in the hospital…"
"That's all done and gone; water under the bridge," Felicity said in a kind but firm tone. "If it helps, I said some very mean things, too."
"No, you didn't," she said, untucking the hankie and swiping at her cheeks again. "You were always really nice to me."
"Yeah, to your face," Felicity said roundly. "Behind your back though I was a flaming bitch." The other woman snorted into the handkerchief and all three of them began chuckling again.
"What is it you've been doing on that tablet all morning anyway?" Renee asked, pointing to the device Felicity was still holding in her hand.
"Oh, I was just Google Fishing."
Renee furrowed her brow, "Google what-ing?"
"You know when you look something up online then follow a link that leads to another link and, before you know it, you're like a million miles from where you started?" She asked her. "That's Google Fishing."
"Oh, I've done that," she nodded. "I've even Googled myself a few times; was that what you were doing?"
"No," she told her. "Gypsy told me some stuff yesterday so I decided to look it up."
"Who's Gypsy?" Renee asked.
"She's one of the operators inside of Orbital," Laurel supplied. "She's a meta but she's also a little weird."
"Isn't that the basic setting for metas; weird?" Renee joked.
"She's a little more weird than that," Felicity said wryly. "She kept insisting that I was some kind of metahuman as well."
"Well, you do have a big huge brain," Laurel said lightly.
"Yes, yes I do, but that's not what she meant," she said smartly. "She kept insisting I was doing something to Isabel."
"You never even touched Isabel," Laurel frowned.
"Ugh," Renee said, curling her lip in distaste, "be glad you didn't."
"Okay, I'm not a fan either but Isabel's not that bad once you get to know her," Felicity admitted reluctantly. "She's not that good either…okay, so she is that bad, but she had a really rough childhood so..."
"Who didn't?" Renee shot back. "I grew up in a pastel themed hellhole with a step-mother who kept insisting I wear dresses 24/7 and warned me if I didn't start wearing lipgloss that people would think I was a 'butchie dyke' like my mother and that God was going to strike me down with 'girl cancer' like he did her as punishment. Meanwhile, all I kept wondering was when my penis was going to grow in so I could pee standing up just like my brothers."
"Isabel grew up in a slave labor camp where rape and incest were the norm and, when she was fifteen, her virginity was 'given' to the new owner of the diamond mine as a 'gift' by the mine's foreman who also raped her mother and who she suspected of being her biological father," Felicity told her.
"Jesus," Laurel breathed, her expression horrified.
"Well…don't I feel like an asshole," Renee said with a similar expression on her face.
"Don't worry about it," she told her. "While I sympathize with her, it doesn't excuse her behavior now; it just puts it in better context."
"Did anything ever happen to the foreman and the son of a bitch who raped her?" Renee asked.
"Um," she glanced over towards the kitchen where the guys were beginning to emerge, "You could say that. It's…kind of a long story but, suffice it to say, they're both dead now."
"Who's dead now?" Oliver asked with a frown as he approached them.
"Some of the characters on The Walking Dead," she said absently.
"The Walking what?" He said with a frown.
"Zombies," Luke said as he flopped down on the other end of the sectional next to Laurel.
"So what kind of meta human does she think you are?" Laurel asked, picking up on the subject change.
"Who's a meta human?" Dick asked as he took the chaise Wildcat wasn't occupying while Oliver took the other couch.
"Me apparently," she told him.
"You're not a meta human," Luke said with a snort.
"I know that, but this woman at Orbital was absolutely convinced that I was somehow like her," Felicity said, glancing at her tablet and opening up another tab.
"Are you talkin' about Gypsy?" Wildcat asked her.
"Yeah, she kept insisting that she could see my aura and that I was something called a 'Child of Inanna'."
"Gypsy is the girl a member of my team helped last year," Dick said slowly. "Bruce mentioned that she was with Orbital now."
"What's a 'Child of Inanna' and what kind of powers does this girl have anyway?" Luke asked.
"And what kind of powers does she think you have?" Oliver added with a frown.
"Gypsy can cast illusions with her mind," Wildcat told them. "She's a real sweet kid, handy with electronics, but her powers are mostly passive. She can't really hurt anybody, just trick them by making them see stuff that ain't there."
"If she thinks Baby has superpowers then she's the one seeing stuff that isn't there," Luke scoffed. "The only power she has is the ability to empty a carton of Ben and Jerry's when she's stressed out."
"Thanks Luke," she told her brother dryly, "but to answer your question, she thinks I'm like her; one of these 'Children of Inanna'," she said, scrolling through the links. "I've been playing around all morning trying to figure out what she's talking about and, even though I haven't found much, it's been a pretty interesting read so far."
"I've heard of Inanna," Renee said slowly. "Inanna is some kind of witch goddess, right? I dated a girl who was into metaphysics and Wicca, stuff like that, and she was constantly going on and on about her and about embracing my inner goddess."
"No," Felicity said with a crooked grin. "Actually she's a six thousand year old Sumerian goddess of love, passion, war, along with a bunch of other stuff. I can see why your ex liked her though; Ishtar, Astarte, Kwan Yin, Venus, Aphrodite, Parvati, Cybele, Brighid, and tons of others, each of them were just different incarnations of Inanna. Plus, she kind of got around in more ways than one if you know what I mean," she said raising her eyebrows meaningfully. "Some of this poetry is pretty spicy."
"That actually makes sense," the other woman said. "That relationship was all fighting and fucking with the occasional burning of sage. The whole apartment smelled like sex and burnt Thanksgiving turkey."
"I dated one of those," Wildcat said with a chuckle. "She could go down on my magic wand faster than you could say Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo!"
"Moving on," Dick said with a long-suffering eye roll, "What is it she thinks you can do; cast illusions?"
"I have no idea, honestly," she said. "All she said was that I did something to Isabel and then she asked me if I was one of the Children of Inanna because my aura looked like her grandmother's."
Laurel frowned, "Wait, if she's a gypsy then why is she calling herself a 'Child of Inanna'? Are gypsies even from the Middle East?"
"I can answer that one," Dick told her. "I'm actually Romani myself."
"You're a gypsy?" Oliver said arching his eyebrow in the other man's direction.
"Romani, Rom, or Roma, 'gypsy' is sometimes considered pejorative," Dick corrected him, "but yes. My parents were both circus performers and kept a lot of the Romani customs. The reason Romani are called 'gypsies' is because people thought we originated from Egypt but some believe we actually started off in India. Others say Babylon or Sumer which is now Iraq and Iran, and still others believe the Romani are actually one of the wandering tribes of Israel because they still keep many of the same rituals and customs as Jews."
"Yeah, I've been reading about that," Felicity told him. "I started off looking up the words 'Children of Inanna' and found a bunch of sites on the Romani. Apparently the traditional 'dance of the seven veils' is basically a retelling of Inanna's Descent into the Underworld. This one site I found traced the immigration of the Romani all over the world and in every country and culture they assimilated into, coincidently that culture had a goddess who was also an aspect of Inanna along with a similar story about her descent into hell followed by her resurrection."
"That's actually kind of interesting," Laurel said, picking up her own tablet and beginning a search. "Huh? Apparently this Inanna is part bird," she frowned showing an ancient stone relief of a naked woman with the wings and feet of a bird standing on the backs of two lions and accompanied by two large owls who stood like sentries on either side of her image.
"What's with the lions?" Renee asked, taking it from her.
"According to what I read, Inanna was supposedly so beautiful and charming that she was able to pluck the teeth from a lion's jaws. Also, in a bunch of her myths she rides around on the back of a lion, a tiger, or a dragon representing her courage and strength," Felicity said. "She was kind of an all-around animal lover though but lions, dogs, horses, and birds were her favorites. Oh and, of course, dragons."
"Dragons?" Luke grinned. "Cool, I always wanted a pet dragon; think you can call your little buddy and get me one?"
She ignored him, "Anyway, when I was Google Fishing I found something kind of interesting, especially given what you were talking about earlier," she looked at Wildcat. "According to these conspiracy websites the Sumerian gods were called the Annunaki."
"The Annu-what-e?" Wildcat asked.
"The Annunaki, which some scholars translated as meaning 'those who came from the heavens'. Basically they believe that these gods were actually aliens who genetically engineered the human race to be more compatible with their own physiology. There's all kinds of stuff out there about intelligent design and how our early ancestors somehow went from having forty-eight chromosomes to forty-six and how the second and third chromosome strands fusing making us go from primates to homo sapiens is a sign of genetic manipulation." She frowned, "Then again, they also talk about Bigfoot a lot so take it with a grain of salt."
"Wait, so these people think aliens came down to Earth just to have sex with us?" Renee asked dubiously.
"Basically, yeah," she told her. "They're also described as being the 'Nephilim', as in the offspring of angels and women that are mentioned in Genesis."
"So you think that the Romani are the descendants of either aliens or angels?" Dick said flatly.
"I don't," she said quickly, "but I started thinking about something Wildcat said about aliens always being here. Gypsy told me her clan had their abilities long before the particle accelerator exploded; maybe there's a reason for that?"
"Baby, I think you've been watching too much Syfy channel," Luke said off-handedly. "Now when are we going to the car dealership so we can all be arrested?"
"You're not coming with me," Felicity said with a scowl.
"Yes, we are," Oliver said firmly. "If you insist on doing this then we're going to be there in case things go sideways. Unless, of course, you're willing to admit that this is a bad idea and just let me take it to one of my Bratva contacts here in Gotham to have it stripped."
"Better yet, you could have Alfred take it like Bruce wants that way we wouldn't have to call in the Russian mob or get arrested," Dick said dryly.
"What Dick said," Luke told her with a shrug.
"What about you?" She turned to Wildcat who just grinned, "I assume you're with the guys on this one?"
"Actually I'm just taggin' along to watch," he told her. "I gotta admit I'm kind of interested on just how it is you're plannin' on pullin' this off and what the spray paint's for."
"You want to know what it's for? Fine," she turned to Renee, "Would you mind going downstairs with the guys and supervise while they spray paint gang signs and graffiti on my car? Doesn't matter what they paint on it, just make it look authentic. Oh, and don't forget your tablet," she said, "Take pictures when they're done then just upload them onto Watchtower's cloud."
"So that's what you're planning on doing? Telling the dealership that it was vandalized with spray paint and bullets," Renee said flatly. "You do realize that's not going to work, right? You'll need a police report and then they're going to call the station to verify it. With a car that expensive, it wouldn't surprise me if the adjustor even stopped by the station to talk to the detective on the case."
"We'll see," she told her. "Just don't forget to send me the pictures."
"Okay," she said getting off the couch, "Come on fellas, looks like I just signed on to teach a crash course on Gotham Graffiti 101."
Luke and Dick got up to follow along with Wildcat. The older man looked down at Oliver who had yet to shift from his place on the couch, "You comin'?"
"I think I'll let you guys have all the fun," he said, his eyes locked on Felicity.
He grinned and glanced over at Felicity who was ignoring him, "Good luck."
Idiots, she thought as she kept her eyes on her tablet. Like a few measly bullet holes were a big deal? Please. She quickly brought up the paperwork she had prepared earlier that morning and set it to print. How they didn't already know by now that she had this in the bag was beyond her. What did they think she was going to do? Walk into the dealership empty-handed and say, 'Oh Mr. Car Guy, I'm cute, blonde, and my car has bullets in it; may I please have a new one?'
She might be blonde but she wasn't that blonde.
It hadn't been all that hard to hack into the GCPD and find a report of a vandalized vehicle with similar damage. All she then had to do was duplicate the report in the system, add a few details, change out the VIN numbers and vehicle description, and then file it on their servers. She'd wandered down to the parking garage briefly after leaving Oliver and made note of the three bullet holes in the trunk as well as the dents and other damage then added those to the report as well. The GCPD received reports of tagging and vandalism dozens of times a day so, chances are, the overrun police detective whose name she forged probably wouldn't notice if an extra file happened across his desktop. She also made sure to backdate the report by a few days so that, even if she did run into an overzealous insurance adjustor, no one would connect Isabel's car to the shooting last night.
"Laurel, do you mind if I speak to Felicity alone for a minute?" Oliver asked, breaking the silence.
The other woman looked up from her own tablet, "Oh, I'm sorry; did you want me to leave?"
"Yes, actually, I do, thanks," he told her.
"No," Laurel said, looking back down at her tablet and scrolling down the page.
"What?" Oliver said with a scowl.
"Hey, Felicity," Laurel said ignoring him.
"Yeah," she looked up, trying not to smirk at the increasingly frustrated expression on Oliver's face.
"I started looking up that Inanna thing and I found something kind of funny," she said with a slight smile. "Did you know that Inanna apparently had a thing for starlings?"
"Really?" She asked, reaching for her tablet. "I knew she had a thing for doves and birds of prey but I didn't know the starling thing."
"Yeah, well, according to this article it was likely that, instead of doves, she was more closely associated with starlings since they're actually more often linked with peace and love in that part of the world than doves are. Also, most of the art associated with her shows her with wings that are more similar to a starling's than a dove's and that her 'rainbow girdle' and fondness for dressing in anything from pure white to all sorts of bright colors supports that since starlings' plumage varies wildly. Also, did you know that a starling and a mynah are the same thing? I found this other article," she reached over and opened a tab, "here that says that these birds, called the Brahminy or Pagoda Mynahs used to roost in temples and that they became so synonymous with the goddess of love that the name 'mynah' in Sanskrit means 'lovers'."
"Huh," she said scrolling through it. "So what are you saying? That because my handle is Starling that's why Gypsy leapt to the conclusion she did?"
"Maybe," she shrugged. "I just kind of thought it was interesting." She frowned, "Damn, first I find myself flirting with Renee and now I'm talking about birds. All of the sudden I'm turning into Sara. Next thing you know I'll be hooking up with Nyssa."
"You chose Starling as your handle?" Oliver asked with a note of smug amusement.
Felicity turned to him, "Yes, so?"
His lips turned upwards as his eyes swept over her, "Homesick, are we?"
"Sara came up with it," she told him flatly.
"Right," he said roundly.
"Ollie, what the hell are you doing?" Laurel asked wearily.
"What do you mean?" He asked innocently.
"Cut the crap," she told him without heat. "Why are you even here?"
"I'm here to take both of you back to Starling City," he said with an edge of annoyance.
"To what end?" She asked him simply. "There's nothing left for me there, I'm here to make a fresh start on my own. Felicity is happy, she's getting married—"
"Felicity isn't getting married to Wayne," he said firmly.
"So, what? She's supposed to be with you instead?" She asked incredulously.
His cheeks flushed in a combination of anger and regret, "You know what, I didn't want you to find out like this, but, yes; I plan on being in a relationship with Felicity when we get home."
"Do you now?" Felicity asked him dryly.
"Yes, I do," he said, his eyes locking onto hers. "In fact, I intend to marry her eventually."
Felicity tightened her lips in annoyance, "Don't you think I should have some say in that?"
"You already did when you admitted that you were in love with me," he shot back.
Laurel's mouth curved upwards, "Oh Ollie, I honestly don't know whether to hit you upside the head or stage an intervention because you have really gone around the bend if you think that A) after all the crap I've been through with you that hurts and B) that Felicity is going to go for an offer like that."
Felicity put down her tablet and sat up a little straighter, interested in where the other woman was planning on taking this since her words on the subject had so far been completely ignored. Laurel wasn't angry, there was no heat behind her words, meanwhile Oliver was looking both perplexed and increasingly frustrated by what she was saying.
"First off, I'm sorry I hurt you Laurel but this is between Felicity and me," he said firmly. "Secondly, you and I both know that the last thing you need is to be alone in a strange city; especially one as dangerous as Gotham. Felicity and I are going home and I would like you to come with us but, you're right, ultimately that's your decision to make, not mine. If you want to stay, stay, but Felicity and I are leaving as soon as we clear up this mess the two of you stumbled into."
Laurel's smile widened slightly and she glanced over at Felicity's increasingly irritated expression before clearing her throat and schooling her face into a more subdued expression, "You're right, Oliver. I'm sorry."
"That's okay," he said somewhat stiffly. "Now, if you'll excuse us-"
"One thing though," she said, holding up her finger to hold him off, "just out of curiosity, and stop me if I'm crossing a line here, but why exactly would Felicity want to leave Gotham to return to Starling City with you?"
He stiffened, his mouth tightening into a grimace, "Laurel, I'm trying very hard not to hurt your feelings here…"
"No, you should answer her," Felicity told him. "I'm kind of curious about that one myself."
He looked from one woman to the other before shifting slightly and focusing on Felicity, "Like I said, you're in love with me."
"And?"
"I'm not getting into this again, damn it!" He growled. "You're in love with me, I'm in love with you, and we belong together!"
"Are you in love with him?" Laurel asked her in a casual, almost bored tone.
"Yes, but I'm also in love with Bruce and, quite frankly, all of my stuff is here and they gave away my house," she told her in an equally blasé tone.
"You can move in with me," he bit out.
"I don't want to live with you," she told him. "I wouldn't even shack up with Bruce; what makes you think I'd do it with you?"
"'Shack up'?" He repeated incredulously, "Who even says 'shack up' anymore?"
"My dad and I do," she told him. "While I have no problem with other people living together, sex is one thing and co-habitation is another. I don't play house, Oliver."
"I'm not suggesting we play house, I'm asking you to live with me," he scowled.
"You're not asking anything, you're telling, and I'm saying 'no'," she returned.
"Is it just me or did you guys notice that we stepped into a mirror universe? I could have sworn Oliver and I already had this conversation only I was him and he was you," Laurel said with a hint of sarcasm. She turned to Felicity, "If he has a brother show up out of the blue, do yourself a favor and don't get on the boat."
Oliver's jaw tightened as if he were biting back a scathing reply, "Fine, I'll get you an apartment or buy you a new house! Hell, we can just take the jet to Vegas and get married right now if you don't want to 'live in sin' with me, but we're going home together."
"I didn't say anything about living in sin, I said 'shacked up'," she told him. "In other words, 'roommates with benefits' which is something I don't do. I don't need marriage but I do need to be in a relationship with someone who respects me before I agree to live with them."
"I respect you," he objected.
"No, you don't!" She told him. "You're here telling me what I will and won't do like I'm some kind of obedient little dishrag. Last time Bruce tried that shit on me I wound up jumping out of the car in the middle of traffic, but since this is my house you can be the one to step off instead!"
"So I don't respect you even though I flew all this way to get you back but you're marrying a man who abandoned you four years ago and who you jumped out of a moving vehicle just to get away from?" He returned. "And I told you that if you want to take this slow, fine; I'll get you another house," he told her. "I'll buy up every single house in your old neighborhood if that's what it takes! I'll even back off and give you room, but you are coming home."
"It wasn't a moving vehicle, I can get my own house, and as for a relationship, fast or slow Oliver, housebreaking one asshole vigilante was enough for me, thanks; frankly, I have put too many hours into Bruce to start all over again with you!"
"Is that your only reason for staying?" Laurel asked her.
"Well, there is the fact that Bruce has always been pretty up front and honest with me about his feelings and tends to back up what he says for better or for worse even if he can be a complete dick at times," she told her. "Unlike some people," she added, shooting Oliver a dirty look. "I mean about backing things up; you can definitely be just as big a dickhead as Bruce, trust me."
"I am being up front and honest, you just aren't listening to me!" He shot back.
"The honesty thing's a bonus," Laurel said in a conversational tone as both women ignored a now fuming Oliver. "Besides, you can't really hold the whole stubborn manpain thing against them; all men can be asses but masks are ten times worse."
"To be fair, Bruce is a special kind of ass even for a mask; like the epitome of asshole-ishness at times, but he's at least consistent with it."
"Got that right," Oliver muttered. "Now if the two of you are done, I-"
"Okay, so how is he better than Ollie?" Laurel asked, cutting him off.
"What?" He said sharply.
"Other than the honesty and consistency part; what else?" She corrected.
Felicity frowned thoughtfully, "Well, in addition to being more consistent and honest, he expresses his emotions even when you really would prefer he didn't and, not to be shallow, but he does kind of give better cookie…of course, that might just be because I was nervous when I was with…" she cut her eyes towards Oliver. "It was still a really great cookie though. Double stuffed," she added.
"Really?" Laurel asked in surprise.
"What the hell is a cookie?" Oliver scowled as he looked from one woman to the other.
"Wait, better than every different kind of cookie you've ever had or just better than Ollie's cookie?" She asked.
"Better than Ollie, what?" He demanded. "What's a cookie?"
"I've only ever been with him and Oliver so…" She said, allowing her voice to trail off.
"You're kidding," Laurel said baldly.
"About which part?" She asked her.
Oliver's head whipped between them with a thunderous expression, "Wait, are you two seriously talking about sex? In front of me? You're comparing me to Wayne while I'm here in the same room?"
"Both," Laurel told her as she pretended not to hear him, "but especially the cookie part. Ollie pretty much has that down to a science."
"Goddamn it, what the fuck is a cookie?" He said angrily.
At that moment the doorbell rang, "I'll get it," Felicity said getting up from the couch.
Oliver got up and followed her past the living room into the foyer, "What the hell is a 'cookie'?"
"Let it go, Oliver."
"No, I'm not letting it go," he reached out and stopped her by putting his hand on her shoulder then cutting her off by getting in front of her and blocking her path. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that all of this is just about sex to you; that what we shared that night was just physical?" He demanded. "I know you better than that, Felicity; it wasn't just a screw, we made love that night—both of us."
She paused, noting that Laurel had stayed behind on the couch, "It wasn't just about sex for me, you're right about that, but *we* weren't making love," she told him.
"Meaning what?" He demanded.
She glanced at the door then back at Oliver, knowing he wouldn't let her go until she answered him, "It means that while I was making love *with* you, you were making love *to* me. Same thing down in the Cave."
"I was making love *to* you?" He repeated angrily.
She took a centering breath, "Oliver, somewhere in your past you decided along the way that sex was a tool, a means to an end, but you don't really enjoy it, do you?" She asked him. "You get pleasure from it, yes, but you don't really feel it. You weren't actually in the moment; I don't know where you were, but you weren't there with me."
"Are you saying you didn't enjoy it when I made love to you because we both know that's a lie," he said in a low growl. "And, rest assured, 'Baby'," his tongue curled around her nickname in a way that was both dangerous and so filled with sexual heat that it was almost filthy, "I was completely in the moment."
"Oh, I enjoyed it," she assured him calmly. "I didn't enjoy it when Sara told me about your 'routine' and described almost perfectly what we did together then told me that you'd done the same thing with pretty much every other woman you've ever been with. It made me feel like I could have been anybody, Oliver; that you were just having sex with a warm body, not making love with me."
"Me being with you that night wasn't 'routine'," he spat out. "Maybe I'm the one who should be questioning you since this whole thing has come to the point where you're having to compare my dick to Wayne's in order to decide who you want to be with."
"Maybe you should," she told him.
He stepped forward, gripping her upper arm tightly but not painfully, "I made love to you, Felicity, not to any other woman and not just because I wanted to get off, and you made love to me back. That night wasn't about sex for me."
"No, it was about control," she told him. "It was about watching me fall apart while keeping your own emotions locked up tight because you knew from the minute you stepped over my threshold how that night was going to end."
"That's bullshit," he said in a low voice even though they were far enough away from Laurel that she would have to strain to hear them.
"You knew the minute you found yourself bypassing my security protocols and entering my home uninvited that we were going to wind up in bed together."
His jaw tightened and he looked away for a second before turning back to her, "I knew I wanted you, that doesn't mean that I planned to end things between us like that."
"But you didn't come there to ask me to stay either," she said.
His mouth tensed and he ran his hand over it before turning away for a moment. The doorbell rang again and she moved to answer it when he clamped his hand around her arm again, holding her in place, "Okay, fine; yes."
"Yes what?"
"Yes, I…" he paused as the phone began to ring then stopped as Laurel presumably picked up. He closed his eyes, "I came over to your house that night knowing that I wanted to make love with you but I never expected to go as far as we did."
"But you still knew beforehand that, even if we did have sex, you were going to tell me go to Gotham afterwards." It wasn't a question. "You said, 'I can't let you go now', meaning that, until that moment, that was your plan."
His mouth opened but before he could answer, Laurel walked towards them saying, "You know, when that bell sounds, it generally means someone is asking to be let in."
"Can you get the door, Laurel?" Felicity said and motioned for Oliver to follow her as she led him towards the study.
"Might as well, it's my apartment after all," the other woman said with a hint of a smile as she walked to the door. Neither Oliver nor Felicity noticed however as they both headed straight for the study, closing the door behind them.
"It wasn't that calculating," Oliver said without preamble as soon as the door shut behind him. "I wasn't…I didn't…fuck!" He ran his hand over his hair, "Why are you doing this?" He asked her, his expression pained. "It wasn't too long ago that we were on the phone and I was telling you I loved you and you told me that you wanted to come home and that I was your best friend. What changed? What did I do to make you hate me this much?"
"I don't hate you," Felicity said as her fingers stroked the carved bronzed feathers of the statuette, tripping lightly over the bent tail feathers and rubbing against the many nicks and dings the prop suffered over the years. Beautiful but flawed, she thought as an aside. Those words were slowly becoming something of a mantra for her.
"Then why?" He asked her. "I'm trying Felicity, I really am, but you need to let me in. You love me-"
"I do," she said, her fingers finding a chip in the bronze as she refused to look him in the eye. "But I love him, too and I can't keep…"
"Can't keep what?" He asked, taking a step towards her.
She swallowed back tears as she looked at him at last, "I can't love both of you, Oliver. It's tearing me apart and I have to choose because I don't want to spend the rest of my life in limbo."
"So choose me," he said quietly as he neared her, his thumb casting over her cheek bone as he tilted her head towards him. "Love me."
"You're not ready-"
"Then come be with me until I am ready," he told her. "I'm damaged, broken, I've made a hell of a lot of mistakes and I don't deserve you but you've always been able to fix me, Felicity. You've never given up on me before, don't give up on me now."
She took a deep breath, "Fine, you win," she said at last. "I'll do it; I'll leave Bruce and come home with you." He smiled, his mouth dipping towards hers but she stopped him by placing her fingers on his lips, "But first you need to decide if that's really what you want."
"It is," he said immediately, resting his forehead against hers, "It is, just come home."
"I can only love one of you at a time, Oliver," she told him, her fingers reaching up to stroke the soft, short hairs behind his ears as she had done with the statuette. "I can be in love with Bruce or I can be in love with you, but I can't be in love with both of you. It hurts too much." Her voice broke slightly and she cleared her throat, "I want to love one of you with all of my heart and as long as it was just Bruce, or just you, I could do that. I could spend the rest of my life with Bruce and be happy, not perfectly happy, but close enough. He offered me a home, a life, a chance to be real and seen. He always saw me, Oliver." She lifted her head and looked at him through tear filled eyes, "No one else ever saw me before Bruce." The tears began to fall, first held suspended on her eyelashes before trailing with crystalline perfection down her cheek. "People outside of my family hardly ever even spoke to me. I was an embarrassment, a reminder of something dirty and distasteful, so people always looked through me but Bruce never did. Even when I was a little girl he spoke to me like I mattered."
"You matter," he whispered, his thumb wiping away her tears as his lips brushed against her cheek. "You've always mattered to me; always."
She pulled away again just enough so that she could look at him, "Even when he hurt me he never forgot me. You can't understand what that means, Oliver. You can't know what it's like to feel invisible and then have someone really see you for the first time. You made me feel like that the first time you walked in my office at QC. You saw me and I fell in love with you." His lips descended towards hers but she pressed her hand against his chest to stop him, "But you haven't always seen me."
"I see you," he said, frowning slightly. "I see you, I do; I always have."
"Now; now you see me because you want me or you need me, but what happens when you don't?" She asked him. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off, "We both know that you aren't ready for this, but I'll still go with you because I do love you and I can't not love you as long as you're here, I don't have the strength to fight it. That said we both know that there will be some other big bad around the corner, some other pain that cuts into you so deep you push me away for my own good. And, as much as you want to say it won't happen, we both know there will be moments of weakness where you flirt with another woman in order to test me because that's what you do."
"I would never cheat on you," he said firmly. "That was the old me before the island; not once have I cheated on anyone since I've been back. Even when I was caught between Sara and Laurel it was either one or the other, not both."
"Maybe," she said. "But we both know that you compartmentalize your feelings, you do it to protect yourself, but when you strike out at the people you love you don't do it with your fists. You use your feelings like you use Arrows for the mission, and when you strike out, you cut deep. I know that being with you isn't a sure thing, that I could be waiting for years before you're ready. It may take ten years or twenty, and there will be times when you stop seeing me because you already have. The first time Slade came for us, you would go days, even weeks without speaking to me except to issue an order. When Sara first arrived you stopped seeing me altogether because she filled every corner of your mind not occupied by the mission. When Laurel was in your life, it was the same thing, then Slade again..."
"I told you why I did that," he said in a voice laced with pain and aggravation.
"I know," she told him not unkindly, her hand resting against his cheek. "I know and I never stopped loving you, not once; I understood each and every time, but things were different then. I could deal with being invisible because I wasn't really part of your world then."
"You were always part of my world," he told her quietly. "From day one you were the center of my universe."
"Maybe, but you weren't really part of mine," she said softly, "not in the beginning. You weren't the only one hiding or compartmentalizing their feelings. I kept my life, this life, secret because I needed that distance in order to do what I had to do. I wasn't ever afraid of dying, Oliver. The blood bothered me but it didn't scare me off. I would walk through hell for you if that's what it took, but once I let down those walls there isn't anything left, do you understand? You're asking me to go into this blind, knowing I'm going to be hurt over and over while you figure things out, and I'll do it; for you I'll take the hit, but when you finally do figure it out…" She bit her lip, "I'm not the Felicity I was when you came into that office and smiled at me for the first time. You know better than anyone that pain has a way of changing you."
"So what are you saying," he asked, looking deeply into her eyes.
"What I'm saying is that by the time you're ready to accept the woman I am now into your life, she won't be me anymore. I'm saying that I can't go into stasis for you, I can't stop moving forward," she told him. "Bruce loves me now-"
"I love you now," he said angrily.
"But will you love me ten years from now when you're finally ready to have that life you promised me?"
He moved away from her, pacing slightly, his hand rubbing over his mouth in agitation before turning back towards her, his posture stiff, "Do you love me or not? Do you want to be with me, yes or no?" He demanded.
"I would spend the rest of my life with you, Oliver," she told him quietly. "However long that is, I will love you. Even if you leave and we never see each other again, I will always love you, but I can't make you love me and I can't let you make promises you can't keep. All I can do is offer you the same deal I offered Bruce."
"And what's that?" He asked with a hint of anger.
She took a centering breath and smoothed her hands down her stomach before speaking, "If you want me then I'll be with you but I won't marry you and I won't have children with you; not now, maybe not ever because I won't bring a life into this world if I can't be sure he or she will have two parents who will be there for them. I won't live with you, I won't work for you, and I won't be acknowledged publically as your girlfriend. Our relationship will be kept private and between just the two of us and the team since we can't really hide it anymore."
"That's bullshit," he burst out.
"No, it's not," she told him. "If something goes south then I need to be allowed to walk away without having to deal with the fallout of a public breakup; I deserve the right to protect my dignity and not have my personal life discussed around the water cooler or bandied about on the front pages of the gossip rags. Instead, I'll love you behind closed doors and I won't keep you a prisoner. I won't stay where I'm not wanted and I won't make you stay with me. If you try, I'll leave. If you fall in love with someone else, I'll let you go, but you have to let me go back. Don't make me stay and watch that happen; don't make me into Laurel or Moira. I won't force you to make a commitment but, if you do, I won't stay once you cheat."
"I would never—I asked you to marry me, goddamn it!" He scowled.
"And I'm saying no," she said simply. "Marriage is a promise, Oliver. It's the biggest promise a person can make and I don't break my promises. I'm giving you everything I am, I'm letting you in all the way, but I have to keep something for myself if I'm going to survive because, as much as I love you, I know that you aren't really ready to love me and being with you now comes at a cost."
He winced, his eyes dropping to the floor, "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing," she told him. "The only thing I want from you is not to make me any promises. Don't tell me you love me, don't ask me to be your wife. Don't promise me children or a future. The only promise I want from you is that you'll let me go when the time comes and you won't come after me when you start feeling guilty, because we both know that's going to happen."
"How do you know that's what's going to happen?" He challenged, "No one knows that, I don't know that!"
"You're right," she agreed. "Maybe I'm wrong and our life will be as close to perfect as it can ever be but that's not the most likely scenario, is it?" She closed her eyes before speaking again, "I know I have to choose, Oliver; I know I can't have both of you but I'm not strong enough to keep fighting this. I can't keep feeling like I'm being pulled in two different directions like this so I'm asking you, I'm begging you, to make that decision for me." She opened her eyes again, her eyes meeting his calmly, "Either love me or let me go; let me stay here and be with Bruce if you aren't sure what it is you want, but if you're sure, if you really do want this, then I'll come with you and I won't look back."
"I can't-" He clenched his jaw tightly, "I can't let you go but I can't…"
She stepped toward him and laid her hand on his cheek before tilting her head up and brushing her lips on his. He made a low groaning sound and turned to her more fully, his hand burying itself in her hair as he kissed her, his tongue stroking against hers.
She allowed the kiss to continue, breathed in his scent and his taste until he released her. When they broke apart, his forehead again resting against hers, she ran her fingers through his hair, eyes still closed, and said, "After this business with Isabel is settled you need to go home and let me go." He pulled away with a start but she didn't release him. With surprising strength she held him there, her eyes never leaving his, "I'm letting you go, Oliver; I'm doing this because I love you and because I know you love me."
"I can't do that," he told her. "Felicity…"
She let go of him and moved away, "I'm asking you, please; just go."
"What if you're wrong," he asked her, "What if I'm ready now?"
"Are you?" She asked him simply. When he didn't answer her, she nodded, "You can't stay here tonight. Bruce said that Alfred was going to put you up at the manor instead."
"What if I don't want to stay at Wayne's house?" He asked her, his eyes glittering dangerously.
"Then call a realtor and buy a condo or bribe someone into giving you a suite at the Ritz because, if you stay here, then it's just a matter of time before you and I wind up in bed together and I can't hurt Bruce or myself like that."
"That's not exactly giving me an incentive to leave," he told her.
"I wouldn't survive it," she told him simply. "If you make me into that person, the kind of person who could do that to someone they loved and who they made a commitment to, then you might as well just put an arrow in me. I'd wind up choking on the guilt and I'd never be able to look myself in the mirror afterwards."
His eyes filled with regret and he swallowed, "I'll leave but I won't give up on us."
"You should," she told him. "I wish you would. As much as it would hurt to see you move on, I want you to be happy even if it's without me."
"I can't." He gave her another long look, "I won't push you anymore but I'm not leaving until this Orbital thing is done. After that, if you're still with Wayne…" he paused, "If you still want to stay here then I'll let you go."
She turned to the door and placed her hand on it before turning toward him slightly, "Thank you."
"You shouldn't marry him," Oliver said as she moved to open it. "Even if you aren't willing to come with me now, don't marry him."
She opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it and merely opened the door and headed out instead.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
Felicity walked into the living room without turning her head even though Oliver was close at her heels. She did her best, said what she needed to say, but she knew Oliver well enough to know that if you fought him on something it would only make him dig in his heels.
She wasn't lying; she was tired of being torn between the two of them and she would go with Oliver if he really needed her, but he didn't. Laurel was right; going back with him would be the same as enabling him and Oliver needed to heal. He needed to find some balance with his mission and get his son back before he began a new life. Her being there would just give him one more excuse not to confront the broken shards of his life. He was still running, towards her yes, but running nonetheless. The only person who could fix Oliver was Oliver and if she continued down that path she'd be doing more harm than good.
Would she marry Bruce? Right now she couldn't think about that; she just needed to get past—"Whoa."
She stopped so quickly, Oliver nearly ran into her from behind.
"What is that?" She asked faintly as she pointed to the massive animal standing in front of her.
"Hello Miss Felicity," Alfred said, turning from Laurel to face her and Oliver. "Master Bruce said you wanted a dog so he asked me to bring Titus by."
"Big," was all Felicity could get out. The massive black Great Dane stared back at her, it's head at chest height and it easily outweighed her by a good seventy pounds.
"Yes, he is rather," Alfred admitted. "But he is quite well trained and gentle. When you mentioned to Master Bruce that you wanted a companion he immediately called me and asked me to bring him over."
"When I said I wanted a dog I was thinking about a miniature poodle or a Lhasa Apso, maybe some kind of small mixed breed or one of those bug eyed dogs with the curly tails and the smooshed in faces…" she said faintly. "That's…he's…*big*. This is a big place but it's still an apartment."
"Oh, not to worry," he assured her. "He's quite laid back and docile. As for his other needs, I've already spoken with security. They'll have one of their guards come by several times a day to walk him and the workmen should be here within the hour to install a doggie door."
"Doggie door?" She repeated.
"That's going to be kind of a big door," Laurel said eyeing the animal as well.
"Yes, well, I have some gardeners coming this afternoon to lay down some sod tracks in the rooftop garden so that Titus can see to his own needs if necessary. As for the pet door, it isn't the usual plastic flap. One of Master Bruce's companies developed it; the door contains sensors that pick up a signal given off by a microchip embedded between the dog's shoulder blades so that only he can come and go through it. It unlocks to allow him to exit then bolts itself shut and is designed to keep out the chill. It's quite safe," he assured her. "The bullet proof screen around the roof is more than tall enough to prevent Titus from having an accident on the off chance the door fails to open for him and they're also bringing him a lovely little dog house that is temperature controlled as well."
"That's good," Felicity said with a cringe. "I mean, it's not like dogs can fly so…yeah. Where did-?"
"Titus," Alfred supplied.
"Where did Titus come from exactly?" She asked him. "I mean, you didn't run out to the breeder this morning, did you?"
"No," he told her, a hint of melancholy creeping into his expression. "Titus was Master Damian's dog. Master Bruce purchased him for the boy to help teach him…"
"Empathy," she supplied.
"Yes." His eyes grew very sad at that, "It was quite successful actually. Damian cared for Titus very much. In fact, at times I think the dog was the only thing that truly made him happy."
She felt a wave of sadness wash over her. It didn't matter that Damian thought about killing her, she forgave him the instant Bruce told her about it. After hearing his story from both Bruce and Tim, disturbed as Damian was, as far as she was concerned he was the real victim in the end. She knew what loneliness felt like and she couldn't help but wonder if she had been there if she could have helped him in some small way. At least the dog was proof that, even though Bruce and Tim called him a monster, there was still a little boy in there somewhere.
She looked at the dog who stared back at her silently, "Can I…pet him?"
"Certainly," Alfred told her. "He's a bit reserved around strangers though, so don't be-"
She approached the dog and he gave a tiny yip then began wagging his tail enthusiastically as she stroked her fingers over his shiny black fur. He sat down on his haunches and pawed the air at her, his head falling back playfully as his tongue lolled out of his mouth.
"Hello," she said, bending down so they were closer in height. "Aren't you a good boy," she said with a smile.
"Hmm," Alfred said, his eyebrows raised in surprise, "he's not usually this receptive to new people."
"Why did Bruce name him 'Titus'?" She asked as she scratched the dog behind the ears causing him to groan in pleasure. "I thought he always called his dogs 'Ace'?"
"Ace? I don't get it," Laurel said, approaching them and petting the dog as well whose tail began swishing back and forth even harder at the prospect of a second person paying him attention.
"All of Bruce's dogs were called 'Ace'," she chuckled. "Even other people's pets; it doesn't matter what their names are, he calls every dog he meets 'Ace'."
"That's weird," Laurel said with a snort.
"It's Bruce," she said simply.
"Indeed," Alfred said with an indulgent smile. "It comes from the fact that Master Bruce's father had a Dane when he was a boy and named it 'Ace'. He died shortly after his parents were killed and Master Bruce had his remains interred at the foot of Mr. Wayne's grave with a marker. Since then, whenever he has a dog, he names it so as a way of honoring both his father and the original Ace."
"And they're always Danes," Felicity finished for him. "Sometimes it's a mixed breed, but always with some Dane in there somewhere. I guess I should have known better than to expect him to get me a poodle, huh?"
"So where did 'Titus' come from?" Laurel asked.
"Master Damian named him Titus after the Shakespeare play 'Titus Andronicus'," Alfred began.
"Seriously," Laurel said flatly. At Oliver's look of confusion she explained, "It's Shakespeare's bloodiest play and it's filled with murder, rape, revenge, dismemberment, cannibalism, and torture."
"And Wayne let his kid read that?" Oliver said with a frown.
"Master Damian was a rather…precocious child," Alfred said with an uncomfortable grimace. "In any case, Master Bruce still merely refers to the dog as 'Ace' and the dog is clever enough to answer to both."
"You are such a smart boy, aren't you?" Felicity cooed at him, still on her knees and petting the dog who was now leaning heavily against her and panting happily.
"If you don't wish to keep Titus, I'm sure Master Bruce will understand," he assured her. "However, he really is quite well trained and highly protective of his charges."
"No, that's fine," Felicity said with a chuckle as Titus licked her cheek . "As long as you're sure he'll be okay staying here by himself sometimes?"
"Absolutely Miss," he nodded. "I already called the pet store and they'll be delivering treats, grooming necessities, as well as his regular food and a set of automatic feeders in case you're gone for an extended period of time. "
Oliver, who had been standing back listening with a disgruntled look on his face, reached out his hand to pet the dog as well. The animal tensed as his hand neared him and began to growl low in his throat. "It's definitely Wayne's dog, alright," he said dryly as he pulled back his hand.
"We were just about to go out to run some errands; will he be okay alone?" She asked him. "Tam's coming with the decorators soon…?"
"I'll remain behind until they get here," he assured her. "I have some errands to run myself so I'll leave once everything's been delivered. Titus is quite used to being left to his own devices, I assure you."
"Does he get along with other animals?" Laurel asked him. "Like, say, cats?"
"He does, yes," Alfred told her with a hint of surprise. "He gets on quite well with the gardener's cat, in fact."
"Did you want to get a cat?" Felicity asked her.
Laurel bit her lip and gave her a sheepish look, "I mean, I wouldn't want to impose…"
"No, Sara wanted a cat," she told her. "We could stop by the shelter or look at some pet stores while we're out. Maybe we could buy Ace some toys or something as well."
"Ace, huh? Not Titus?" Laurel asked her.
"He just looks like an Ace to me," Felicity said as she stroked the dog's soft ears.
"He does, doesn't he?" Laurel said with a grin. "You're a good boy Ace, huh?" She praised him causing the massive dog's tail to thump against the floor even harder.
Oliver cleared his throat after casting a less than pleased eye over the dog and their continued affections towards it, "If we're going to go then we should get a move on, don't you think?"
"Ah yes, Mr. Queen, I have rooms already prepared for you at the mansion and I thought that perhaps since you are in town you would like to assist Master Dick on patrol later," the elder gentleman suggested.
"Maybe later, for now I was planning on going with Felicity to-"
"You can't come, Oliver," Felicity said, getting to her feet and brushing off her sweater. "I have eyes on me, remember? Actually, Dick can't come with us either. I shouldn't be seen with any masks outside of Orbital until we figure things out."
"She's right, sir," Alfred told him as he held out a set of keys, "I thought you might need a vehicle so I borrowed one of the cars from the garage for you to use. It's parked next to the entrance to the private elevator in the parking garage."
Oliver accepted the keys reluctantly, "I don't feel comfortable letting you two go into the dealership alone with a car full of bullet holes."
"The dealership?" Alfred asked in alarm. "I was under the impression that we were to take it through the tunnels back to the main Batcave?"
"I have it handled," she assured the older gentleman. "That reminds me—hold on," she said, taking out her tablet and retrieving the pictures Renee took so she could add them to the police report on the GCPD server then hurried into the study to grab the pages she printed out.
She came out a few seconds later with a manila folder and grabbed her purse then slipped on her boots that were next to the couch. She shoved the folder into her leather messenger bag along with her tablet before turning to Alfred, "Can you tell Tam to call me when she gets here? Laurel is going to be living with us as well and she needs to hold off on doing anything except the basics to that bedroom until they talk."
"Of course, Miss," he said easily.
"There's some muffins and things in the kitchen but not much else, I'm afraid," she said as Laurel slipped on her shoes as well and grabbed her own bag.
"I'll be fine," he assured her.
At that moment the group walked through the door led by Dick who took one look at the dog and arched his eyebrow in surprise, "What's Titus doing here?"
"Master Bruce wanted Miss Felicity to have a companion to keep her company at night until he returns from his business trip," Alfred told him. "In the meantime, I have given Mr. Queen the keys to the Jaguar and invited him to help you with your patrols later. Also, I have readied both of you rooms at the manor. I suggest that you retrieve your belongings and accompany Mr. Queen home to show him around the Batcave. After I've completed my business here in town I'll join you there."
"Bruce wants Oliver to stay at the manor and work out of the Batcave?" Dick said dubiously.
"He insisted," the elderly gentleman said with a slight nod.
"I'll bet," Oliver muttered.
"I thought we were returning the car so we could all go to jail together?" Luke said sarcastically.
"You aren't going," Felicity said firmly. "Laurel, Renee, and I have it handled."
"I'm going," Luke told her.
"Me, too," Dick said.
"We're being watched," Laurel said with a sigh, taking the lead this time. "How do you think it will look if we've got Batman's guys going grocery shopping with us? Besides, we can take care of ourselves!"
"That's what we're afraid of," Dick said darkly.
"How about if I promise not to let them shoot up the joint this time?" Renee said sarcastically then looked down at the large dog. "Nice horse; that thing come with its own saddle?"
"Hey there big fella," Wildcat said, coming forward to pat the dog on his flank as he stood to greet him. "Don't sweat it, I'll hang out with the girls. You guys want to take my truck?"
"You might want to take it in case you need an escape vehicle," Dick said, his expression troubled.
"Well, why can't I go?" Luke complained. "It's not like anybody ever recognizes me anyway."
"Just go with Oliver and Dick," she told him before leaning up to give Alfred a kiss on the cheek. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"
Alfred patted her arm and offered her an affectionate smile, "I'll be fine, my dear. And I'll be sure to have your sister call as soon as she gets in."
Laurel, Renee, and Wildcat headed towards the door but Oliver stepped in front of her before she could join them, "Hey, if anything goes wrong, call us."
"We'll be fine, I promise; I've got it covered," she told him quietly, stepping around him and going through the door Renee held open for her.
"You boys have fun," the other woman chuckled as she closed the door behind them.
As soon as the doors closed, Dick turned to Oliver, "Follow them?"
"Follow them," he nodded.
"I stuck listening devices and trackers in their phones earlier and planted an extra tracker in the car," Luke said in the same tone.
"I got the address to the dealership out of the glove box, just in case Felicity finds and disables them," Dick added.
"Great, let's give them a five minute head start then follow them," Oliver said with a nod.
Alfred sighed, "I'll be downstairs manning Watchtower, then. Come along, Titus," he told the dog as they both headed towards the study.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
They were all bundled up with the heat on max but, by the time they got to the Mercedes dealership they were all half frozen.
"Now I really do wish I'd taken my truck," Wildcat muttered from behind the wheel as he eased into the lot where several people stopped to stare as they passed.
"You do realize that the paint is still wet, right?" Renee said shivering.
"I know, all part of the plan," she told them through chattering teeth.
"I wish I knew what the plan was," the other woman muttered.
"I just want heat," Laurel whined pitifully. "I don't even care if I go to jail at this point as long as it's warm there."
Wildcat pulled into the shop and some mechanics met them as he rolled down his window.
"Uh, can we help you?" The young man in the coveralls asked, his eyes bugging out as he took in the state of the vehicle.
"Yes, can you go get your manager please?" Felicity asked him from the passenger seat.
"I'm getting out of the car and into the showroom," Laurel told her. "If the cops come to arrest us I'll be near the coffee pot."
"I'm with her," Renee said exiting the vehicle as well.
"Hey, let him know we'll be waiting inside," Wildcat called out to the mechanic as he shut off the engine and they both stepped out to join them.
A few minutes later the manager, and one of the mechanics came over to them, "Ms. Rochev?"
"Actually, it's Ms. Fox," Felicity said, offering him her hand.
He took it reluctantly, "Are you aware that there are bullet holes in your vehicle, Ms. Fox?"
"I am, yes," she pulled out the folder and handed it to him, "As you might be aware, Ms. Rochev leased the vehicle for the Orbital Organization and I, as the Director of the Gotham branch, am authorized to use it. A few nights ago I went to get coffee, I heard a popping noise and, when I exited the shop, I saw that someone sprayed graffiti on the car. I immediately went inside and called the police, I didn't even see the bullet holes at first." She swept her hands up in a helpless gesture, "The police believe that they attempted to get in the trunk and tried to shoot the lock but something must have startled them." She gave him an innocent and slightly dewy eyed look, "They said I'm lucky I waited to investigate until my order was ready or they might have shot me as well."
"Oh my," the older man said with a frown. "Is this the police report?"
"Yes sir," she nodded. "As you can see, it's all there. I was going to call you right after it happened but the police detective said to wait until they finished processing the vehicle so it could be released back to me then take you the report. I mistakenly thought that by 'processed' it meant they were going to clean the graffiti off but all they did was use that powder stuff like on television for fingerprints. Luckily it's been very cold so the paint is still tacky. I was going to go to get it cleaned before I returned it, in fact we did get all that yellow stuff off of everything inside of it, but when I mentioned to Detective Bullock that I thought it would just come off in the carwash, he told me not to even try it. He said that I shouldn't touch it since you guys have special paint removers to preserve the finish. I don't really know much about cars…" she said a bit helplessly.
"No, he was absolutely correct to tell you that," he nodded before looking up in confusion, "You said this happened outside of a coffee shop?"
"I know, believe me," she cringed. "It sounds unbelievable but my regular coffee place is in kind of a bad neighborhood apparently."
"That seems like every neighborhood these days," the manager said grimly as he flipped through the report.
"This city is going to hell in a hand basket," the mechanic commiserated beside him.
He paused at something written on the report and looked up at her, "It says here that this occurred near where those carjackers were arrested for shooting at someone last night. I heard on the news that they actually murdered a man with a tire iron after stealing his car just last week."
"Really?" She said wide-eyed. "I hadn't heard about that."
"I heard that at that hotel last night, they tried going after a guy who was retired special forces and he wound up putting all three of them in the hospital instead. They say he shot one and ran the other two over in order to get away," the mechanic added. "The news said that he's wanted for questioning but, if you ask me, they ought to give that guy a medal."
"You know, you are a very lucky young lady," the manager said seriously. "It seems like you can't go outside after dark these days without running into armed thugs or dangerous men in masks."
"Oh, you have no idea," Renee said shaking her head.
"And you are…?" The manager asked looking towards her companions.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. This is my friend, Renee, and my cousin, Laurel," she said introducing them with a slight tremble to her voice. "They've been staying with me ever since this happened. This whole thing has just been such a horrible experience and they've been so supportive…I assume this is covered by insurance?" She asked tentatively. "If not, I can pay for it myself. My fiancé is out of town but he gave me his card. I'm an authorized user but you can call him if need be." She sniffled slightly and pulled a tissue out of her pocket to dab at her dry eyes, "This has just been so upsetting. I haven't slept in days just thinking about what could have happened and now I find out someone actually *died*." She took a shaky breath, "I'm so sorry, I probably look a mess."
"That's alright, my dear," the older man said with a smile as he reached for her hand and patted it gently. "We'll call the adjustor ourselves and have this taken care of, no need to trouble yourself any further. In the meantime, I looked up your records and found that you have a car replacement clause so you can pick something else out. Did you have an idea of what you may want? Perhaps a similar vehicle to the one you had?"
"Got any tanks?" Wildcat said dryly.
"This is my Uncle Teddy," Felicity said with a bright and slightly vacuous smile as she looped her arm through his. "He worries. He hasn't left my side since this happened and insisted on driving me because I've just been in an absolute state!"
"As well he should, young lady; this is a dangerous city. Why, if you were my niece or daughter I wouldn't let you out of my sight either, not with criminals roaming the streets and shooting at people's cars," the older man said sternly before turning to Wildcat. "Did you have something in mind for your niece, sir?"
"Uh…" he said with a frown.
"Something roomy and comfortable, right Uncle Teddy?" She said, blinking up at Wildcat then turned to the manager, "But nothing fancy. Ms. Rochev picked this vehicle last time and I'd rather have something more practical instead."
"Of course; what other features did you have in mind, dear heart?" He asked with a slightly patronizing look on his face.
"Something…?" She bit her lip as though thinking about it carefully.
"Bulletproof," Renee offered from behind her causing Laurel to snort into her hand.
"With a cattle bumper," Wildcat added.
"I was going to say something safe," Felicity said, cutting her eyes towards them.
"All of our vehicles are very safe," he told her. "They're rated highest in industry safety standards."
"I'm just a little reluctant to get back in such an expensive vehicle," she said with a hint of vulnerability. "I thought I saw some other cars on the lot; maybe a Toyota or a Honda? Something that won't be as big a target to thieves."
"There is that minivan on the south lot," the mechanic suggested.
The manager nodded, "The wife of the owner had a Honda Odyssey customized for her use but changed her mind and decided to get an SUV instead when their daughter began equestrian lessons. They needed the additional towing capacity," he explained. "It's a Touring Elite edition, fully loaded and very roomy. I don't know if you'd be interested in that sort of vehicle though."
"May I see it?" She asked him.
"You want a minivan?" Renee asked dubiously.
"I wouldn't mind looking at it," she shrugged. "Besides, now that I have Ace I kind of need something big."
"Ace?" The manager asked.
"He's my new dog; a Great Dane," she explained. "My Uncle Teddy bought him for me today. He wanted to get me a big dog for protection given how dangerous the city has become."
"A wise choice, sir, wise choice indeed," the manager said, giving Wildcat an approving look.
"Anything for my little baby-doll," he said, his eyes dancing with amusement.
"I was hoping to find something comfortable in case I needed to take him with me to the vet or something," she told him. "After what you told me I'm even thinking of taking him to work with me. I don't even know how I'm ever going to leave my apartment by myself ever again! Like I said, this has just been so surreal," she said wide-eyed. "Nothing like this has ever happened to me before."
Laurel and Renee both began to sputter and the manager turned to them in concern, "Are you both alright?"
Laurel snorted then cleared her throat, "Fine. Excuse me; I think I might have caught a chill," she muttered.
Renee began choking into her fist as well, "Yeah, I think I'm coming down with it myself."
"That's quite all right; it seems like there's a bug going around. My wife has been miserable all week, especially with all the storms we've been having lately," he told them. "As for you, young lady, you happen to be in luck," he told her. "The manager's wife bred dogs and was very active in the Kennel Club so she ordered all weather floor and cargo mats as well as customized seat covers." He turned to the mechanic, "Can you have someone drive it up here so the young lady can look at it?"
"Thank you," Felicity said warmly. "You've been so kind."
"Not at all, Ms. Fox," he said, patting her hand again.
"Felicity," she told him with a sweet smile as she looked at him through her eyelashes.
"Felicity, what a lovely name and it suits you," he said, his own smile broadening in response. "I don't think I formally introduced myself; I'm Leland Agnew, the general manager. Please call me Lee, I insist."
"Thank you, Lee," she said with a hint of bashfulness then shivered. "Oh, I may be coming down with a bit of a chill myself, I think."
"Let's get you warm then," he said with a concerned frown. "Why don't you all come wait in my office and we'll fill out the paperwork while my assistant gets you some coffee and pastries," he said taking her arm and leading them towards the back.
"I'll be damned," Wildcat muttered in admiration as he trailed behind them.
"Unbelievable," Renee said turning to the woman next to her.
"I told you; the girl is catnip," Laurel said with a smile.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
All three men sat in the car across the lot exchanging glances as they listened to their exchange.
"You've got to be kidding me," Dick said incredulously.
"A coffee shop?" Luke said wrinkling his brow in consternation. "He bought that? Where did she even come up with that lame-ass cover story in the first place? Who says 'my car got shot while I was getting coffee'?"
Oliver cleared his throat but said nothing.
"In a bad neighborhood, no less," Dick added shaking his head. "Oh, and even though the paint is still wet it's because of the weather. We're just lucky we didn't put money on her odds or she would have cleaned us out."
"And he never even questioned it; he just said, 'Okay, go pick something else. And, by the way, can I get you a Danish?' I can't believe he bought that," Luke said in disbelief. "Seriously, who would buy that?"
"You'd be surprised," Oliver said, rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily. "Can we just go to Wayne's place now? I think they've got it covered. Besides, I'd rather not be here when she starts talking about sports drinks in syringes and they find plans to rob an armored truck on the key fob."
"What?" Luke asked with a frown.
"Never mind, just drive."
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
Alfred rang the doorbell and waited.
"Hello?" The diminutive Asian woman said as she opened the door, her still lovely features glowing as she caught sight of him, "Oh, Mr. Alfred," she said, a faint blush lighting her cheeks as she patted her already perfectly coifed salt and pepper hair. "What are you doing here?"
Alfred smiled, as he looked at her in appreciation, "Mrs. Hu, you look lovely as always."
She laughed nervously, the deepening color in her cheeks making his eyes dance with amusement, "Thank you, Mr. Alfred; won't you please come in? Lucius is gone on business but perhaps I could offer you some tea and some oatmeal cookies? I just finished taking them out of the oven."
"That would be lovely," he said, crossing the threshold. "And please, just call me 'Alfred'," he told her.
"Alright Alfred," she said slightly giddily. "And you must call me Peggy Ann."
"Peggy Ann then," he said smoothly as he bent slightly at the waist to take her hand and kiss the air just above her knuckles, grinning when the elderly woman looked like she might actually swoon. "Actually, I came here to speak with you if that's all right."
"Yes!" She said brightly then cleared her throat, "I mean, yes, that would be fine. May I take your coat?" He nodded and handed it to her, watching as she carefully hung it in the nearby closet before leading him into the kitchen. "Please sit," she said, indicating the barstools at the counter then busied herself with preparing the tea. He waited patiently as she fixed his cup, remembering without even having to ask exactly how he took it and adding a few cookies to a plate before setting it in front of him. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about, Alfred?" She asked, blushing again as she said his name with a slightly drawn out inflection.
Charming, utterly charming, he thought as he admired her once again, her slight accent adding to her beauty despite her advanced years. "Actually, I have a bit of a problem and I need your expertise to help solve it," he told her, taking a sip of the tea and making an appreciative noise. "Wonderful; did you blend this yourself?"
"Yes," she said with a hint of pride. "I have an extra canister if you would like to take some home with you?"
"Yes, please," he nodded. "Actually tea is why I'm here. Do you have a cutting board and a pair of scissors I may borrow for a moment?"
"Oh, certainly," she said with a hint of confusion but quickly retrieved the objects he asked for. As soon as she set down the wooden cutting board and handed him the scissors, he took the packet of herbs out of his jacket pocket and snipped the sachet open before carefully pouring them out onto the board. "An associate of Mr. Wayne's was traveling recently and he found this extraordinary tea in China. He said that, as far as he knows, it only grows on one island and has miraculous healing properties. Mr. Wayne is interested in finding out more about them as he's always interested in adding to his already vigorous health regimen. I tried identifying the various herbs myself but I'm afraid phytology isn't an area I have a lot of expertise in. However, I immediately thought of you as I know you are quite knowledgeable in such matters."
"Of course," she said with a hint of pride. She retrieved her reading glasses from her apron pocket and leaned in closely to examine the herbs before pulling back in distaste. "Ugh, there appears to be the scent of sulfur mixed in, most likely for the antibiotic properties but I imagine it would make the tea taste quite foul."
"I've heard so, yes," he agreed, watching her carefully as she reached into a drawer for a pair of ceramic chopsticks.
She began to pick through the herbs carefully, her frown deepening. "I recognize some of these: ginseng, willow bark, lotus root, Astragalus root; all of which traditionally support Qi but many of these I've never seen before." She looked up at him inquisitively, "Where in China did you say this friend of Mr. Wayne's found these?"
"A volcanic island some miles off the coast in the North China Sea," he told her. "A place called 'Lian Yu'."
She paled, "Lian Yu?" She repeated.
"Yes, are you alright?" He asked in concern.
"I don't know if I can help you," she said, her eyes darting away from his furtively.
"Please, Mrs. Hu—Peggy Ann," he corrected. He waited until she raised her eyes and offered her a gentle smile, "From what I've heard from others, this tea is really quite extraordinary. It has the potential to heal very serious injuries in a matter of days. I plan on having them taken to a lab as well to be analyzed, but…"
"No," she told him. "You shouldn't take this to a lab. If these are what I think they are, they won't find anything."
"What is it you think they are?" He asked, frowning as she bit her bottom lip. "Please."
"I don't know if I should…" she said faintly.
"Mrs. Hu, Master Bruce already consumed some of these. If he's been poisoned…" he said in alarm.
"It's not poisonous," she assured him as she took a centering breath and smoothed her hands over her apron. "It's just…you are a learned man and I don't want to make a bad impression."
"You could never make a bad impression, I assure you," he said quietly. "I find you to be…quite charming actually."
"Really?" She asked, her entire expression lighting up and causing him to reach out and take her hand in his.
"Really," he said in an appreciative timbre.
She bit her bottom lip again and dropped her gaze shyly, "Very well, but just know that these are merely stories my father told me as a girl…"
"Stories?" He asked her curiously, his thumb casting gently over the fragile skin on the back of her hand and causing her to move closer as her voice lowered to a more intimate level as though she were afraid of being overheard.
"As you know, my family is from Kaifeng but it is a very diverse province. Many people of many religions live there and my father was a practitioner of traditional medicine. Many people came to him so he was very learned in all of their customs and beliefs." She hesitated, "Did your friend tell you what Lian Yu meant?"
"Purgatory, I believe," he answered.
She nodded, "In Tao, as in Buddhism, there is no permanent 'hell' just as there is no hell in the Jewish faith. Instead life is eternal, a revolving cycle, and Tao itself means 'life'. However, there is a concept of Purgatory in Tao. It isn't a place of permanent rest but instead an underworld from which a soul may someday free itself through prayer. Have you ever heard of Kwan Yin or the Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara?"
"I've heard of Kwan Yin," he said, his brow furrowing. "However, the only thing I know about her is that she's some sort of goddess."
"Yes and no," she told him. "Kwan Yin was a Bodhisattva, a being of bodhi or enlightenment, one who has earned the privilege of leaving the world of suffering and is destined to become a buddha, but has forgone the bliss of nirvana with a vow to save all children of god. She was at one time a mortal woman who achieved this through acts of great compassion and courage. Have you ever heard the story of Miao Shan?"
"I'm not familiar, no," he told her.
"There are many stories of Miao Shan but this is the one I think may help you." She seemed to center herself once again, "Back in Confucian China lived a king named Miao Chuang, a wicked and terrible man whose third and final daughter was so radiant that he named her Miao Shan which means 'Bright Lady'. The girl very much lived up to her name. They say that when she was born many signs and portents were seen around the time of her birth which was said to be on the 19th day of the 2nd moon. February 19th," she clarified.
"Master Bruce's birthday is on the 19th," he said with a smile.
"Very auspicious," she told him. "There are three festivals celebrating Kwan Yin held throughout the year and Baby was born in July during Kwan Yin's celebration of enlightenment. The festival begins on July 19th to celebrate first her sacrifice, then for four days afterwards her descent into the underworld, and then, on the last day, her ascension and return. Her birthday is actually Kwan Yin's Ascension day, July 24th, a day of great compassion and joy. It was my idea to name her Felicity for that very reason even though I do not practice Tao or Buddhism. Still, it is a very joyous season and one I remember fondly from my childhood."
"Similar to Easter then?" He asked.
She paused to consider that, "Not quite, but similar. Kwan Yin is a goddess of women and fertility so many women honor her during her feast days and pray to her so that they may have children; no bunny rabbits or chocolate eggs, however," she told him with a chuckle. "Instead they celebrate with cakes and buns called ang koo, which is a red rice cake, mee koo, which are red buns, and huat kuih, which are called prosperous cakes, and her devotees bring her offerings of fruits, vegetables, cakes, dry goods like sugar and rice, and chrysanthemums." She smiled, "I used to make Baby pink peach cake for her birthday which is also a traditional offering to Kwan Yin during her feast. She used to love it because it would stain her lips bright pink and she would say that she was a big girl now because she was wearing lipstick!" She said with a tinkling laugh.
"That sounds perfectly adorable and so like Miss Felicity when she was a child," he chuckled, "Continue your story, please."
She nodded and furrowed her brow slightly as if trying to remember, "Before her birth, Queen Po Ta, the king's wife, had a strange dream in which she saw a heavenly pearl transforming into a fiery sun which then tumbled down and settled at her feet. When told of it, the king, in his wisdom, considered the seeing of such a celestial sign to be an excellent omen and he looked forward to having a male heir to his throne. However, to his great disappointment, a girl was born. Still, she was very beautiful and kind and, although he was not moved by either of these attributes, he thought that perhaps he could make her an advantageous marriage and gain an heir in that way instead."
"Even though Miao Shan was a princess and therefore had the finest of riches to choose from, she spent her days in quiet contemplation while renouncing fine food, clothing, and all other trappings of royal life. Her father found three men, all very wealthy and powerful, to marry his daughters and thereby increase his kingdom. Her sisters immediately agreed to the matches without complaint because they feared their father and knew what refusing him would mean. However, when it came time for Miao Shan to marry, she adamantly refused. Where, she asked her father, was there a husband who could give her the gifts of the Buddha–freedom from the fear of sickness, old age, and death? Miao Shan reminded her father that even a king had no protection from these things and that eventually he, too, would suffer and die."
"This angered her father. He had found what he considered to be a suitable husband and yet she refused him. In fact, he was so enraged that he put her in a nunnery, known as the Convent of the White Sparrow, and threatened the nuns with torture and death unless they subjected his daughter to the harshest of treatment in order to cure her of her stubbornness. If she wishes to spend her days in contemplation of those suffering, then let her suffer, he said. Let her know their pain so that she can realize that she should be grateful and obedient. Despite this, Miao Shan willingly and happily worked at menial tasks and suffered many hardships in contented silence."
"The nuns, in deference to the king's wishes, forced Miao Shan to work all day and all night, while others slept, in order to finish her work. They forced her to carry wood and water from the river at the base of the mountain and instructed her to plant a garden in a barren field where nothing would grow then threatened to beat her should she not succeed. The horses and oxen hearing this left their stables to plow the field and the many species of birds that surrounded the temple began to fetch seeds and grains from all over the kingdom, dropping them in the upturned soil in order to help her. To the surprise of the nuns, the garden bloomed even in winter and a spring welled up from nowhere next to the kitchen so she would be saved from her hard labors. Her father, seeing this, became so frustrated that he attempted to burn down the temple, killing everyone inside. Miao Shan, feeling no anger and wishing to save the nuns that showed her such cruelty, put out the fire with her bare hands yet suffered no burns. Now struck with fear, the desperate king decided to kill her."
"He sent in men who slaughtered all five hundred nuns within, then had them drag Miao Shan out to be beheaded. As the executioner tried to carry out her father's orders a blinding thunderstorm came. Lightning stuck his axe causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces. He then tried a sword which likewise shattered. He tried to shoot Miao Shan down with arrows but a great wind swept through and they all veered off."
"Finally in desperation he used his hands and attempted to strangle her. Miao Shan, realizing the fate that the executioner would meet at her father's hand should she fail to allow herself die, forgave the executioner for attempting to kill her thus leaving him free from sin. By taking on the executioner's karma however, she was sentenced to Purgatory. Yama, King of the Underworld Realms, sent to her a supernatural tiger, to carry her upon his back into his kingdom."
"The tiger took her to Purgatory where she met the demon king who became entranced by her loveliness. There, she encountered suffering souls crying out for mercy. As she began to shower them with love and compassion and sing them songs of infinite beauty, the suffering souls began liberating themselves, and wherever she stepped, lotus flowers and healing herbs would bloom. The presence of Miao Shan in Purgatory began to turn it into a paradise. Yama, fearing the loss of his kingdom and recognizing that Miao Shan did not belong there, released her and gave her the Water of Life which was made from the tears she shed for the suffering of the damned, and the Food of Life which was made from the flowers and herbs that sprang from her footsteps, so that she could be resurrected. Miao Shan ascended from the underworld into heaven but when she heard the suffering of the people on Earth, she rejected paradise so that she could offer them her compassion. She returned to life as a Bodhi, a being of great spiritual energy, and lived on a remote island called Putuo Shan, sometimes also called Lian Yu, in the cave that was the entrance to the underworld, healing the sick, guiding the escaping souls into the light, and offering comfort to those who needed it. In the years that passed she performed many great miracles and the fishermen who would visit her began to call her Kwan Yin, which means 'She Who Hears the Cries and Comes'."
"Some time later, a terrible sickness came to the wicked king, reminding him of his daughter's warnings about the things even kings fear. A physician advised him that only a potion made from the willing sacrifice of two human arms and two human eyes by one who had never felt anger could save him. Without much hope, he sent out his ministers in search of such a person who would willingly give up arms and eyes. To his great surprise, they found such a person within days; the potion was made and the king saved. The king, grateful for this sacrifice, set out to meet this Bodhi only to discover it was his own daughter, Miao Shan. The once-wicked king was filled with remorse when he found out it was his daughter who'd been mutilated and fell to his knees, begging her forgiveness."
"She comforted her father with prophetic words: "Do not worry, Father. Mortal eyes give way to diamond eyes, and mortal arms to arms of gold." He ordered a statue made of her, and in her honor he commanded that it have no arms and no eyes. But the sculptor misunderstood his words, and gave the statue instead a thousand arms and a thousand eyes. The king knew then that Miao Shan could do anything with so many arms, could see anything with so many eyes. Her compassion comforted him, and now he was willing to extend this comfort to all people. He placed the statue of his daughter at the mouth of the cave where she once lived and from that day on she was remembered and honored by him and his family with sacrifices of flowers, fruits, herbs, and vegetables."
"That's a lovely story but, other than the name of the island, I don't quite understand what this has to do with the tea," Alfred said in confusion.
She looked uncomfortable for a moment and her voice again dropped to a more confidential level, "My father used to hear legends of herbs that could heal any injury, cure any sickness, and counter any poison. It was called, 'Shén de shénshèng shíwù' also known as 'The Food of Life' and was said to grow at the mouth of Kwan Yin's cave on the island of Lian Yu. Kwan Yin, as often depicted in pictures, is almost always seen holding a small vial of water called, 'Guānyīn de yǎnlèi' or 'Kwan Yin's Tears' which many also call 'The Water of Life', and is surrounded by or holding herbs, plants, and flowers which represent the Food of Life."
"My father would search for this island but could not locate it on any map. Even though he was an observant Jew, he traveled once to Zhejiang to visit the monastery on Mount Putuo, said to be the same Putuo Shan in the legend of Kwan Yin, in order to investigate but could not find these herbs nor could anyone tell him where they could be." She took a deep breath, "I cannot say I ever believed in it myself, I don't even think my father did, it was merely a hobby for him, but if these herbs can truly do what you say…"
"You think these could really be the same herbs as in the legend?" He asked, looking down at them.
"I do not know," she said, relaxing slightly. "Probably not. It is, after all, just a lovely story, a fable, and as we both know, there is no such thing as miraculous waters that can bring the dead back to life or mystical herbs that can heal all ailments of the body. It would be nice though, wouldn't it?"
"Indeed," he said, his eyes troubled as he stared down at the herbs with a frown.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
"It's a soccer mom car," Renee said flatly as Laurel and Felicity oohed and ahhed over the deep red minivan.
"Felicity," Laurel said wide-eyed from the back as she held up an upholstery attachment, "It has a built in vacuum cleaner."
"Get out!" She said in astonishment. "Hey, check this out; it has like a ton of power outlets and did you see the size of the GPS display?"
The manager nodded happily, "It's also incredibly safe. It has both a Forward Collision Warning and Lane Departure Warning as well as a rearview camera. It also has a nav system, Bluetooth and text messaging, and a top of the line speaker system. Oh, and," he pointed at the center console, "it has a refrigerated 'cool box' to keep drinks cold right here in the console."
"Shut up!" Laurel said, her jaw dropping. "It has its own mini-fridge?"
"My wife has the same model van and she keeps fruit cups and juice boxes in it for our kids," he nodded. "She also puts the ice cream in it during the summer so it doesn't melt as quickly on the way home from the grocery store."
"How did I not know that minivans had all this stuff?" Laurel said coming around to look at the cooler. "Why have I been driving a BMW sedan this entire time when I could have had one of these?"
"I've been driving a Mini Cooper," Felicity said slightly shell-shocked. "You could fit my whole car in this thing and still have room for dry cleaning and a month's worth of groceries then do jumping jacks in the back seat."
"Hey, did you girls look over there?" Wildcat asked them. "There are all kinds of sports cars, maybe an SUV? Hey, I'll bet you'd love a convertible; spring is right around the corner."
"You know, this van is also incredibly fuel efficient," the manager told her. "It probably gets about the same mileage as that BMW sedan you were driving."
"Really?" Laurel asked him.
"Is that a satellite radio?" Felicity said pointing it out.
"Yes it is," he told her. "Plus Pandora and a year's free subscription."
"You do not want a minivan!" Wildcat told her, marching towards them.
"Thank you," Renee said dryly.
"Listen, trust me, minivans are these bulky, loud, uncomfortable gas guzzlers that are made for people who coach little league," he told Felicity as he walked up to the car to look inside. "They got no power and blow through transmissions quicker than snot!"
The salesman looked at him, "Actually sir, this model gets between 19 and 28 miles per gallon does 60 mph in 7.9 seconds. It's not a sports car but it's got a lot of power and is a number one top safety pick."
"Really?" He said then peered inside, "Hang on, are those foot rests?"
"Yes, they are," he told him. "The passenger seats fully recline and it seats eight comfortably. Plus, the way it's built, it drives just like a sedan; it's not bulky or unwieldy at all. I mean, I totally get where you're coming from; I used to hate minivans myself, but there is a reason the owner of a Mercedes dealership picked this over anything else in the lot. I'm telling you, hop in the back and see if that doesn't feel like you're sitting in your favorite recliner watching the ball game. Hell, when my mother-in-law comes over I just sit out in mine, grab a soda out of the cool box in the console, pop a movie in the DVD player, and hide until she leaves."
"No foolin'?" Wildcat said slowly as he examined the back seats more carefully.
"Did you see the vacuum?" Laurel said moving to the back of the van again. "Seriously, it has its own vacuum cleaner built in!"
"Well, I'll be damned. How's that thing work anyhow?" He said looking toward it with interest.
"Oh, and that panel right there," the salesman said as he pointed them towards it, "comes off to reveal a fully equipped first aid kit."
"That's handy," Felicity said.
"But it's a minivan!" Renee said insistently. "You can't—" she grimaced, "do what we do," she said meaningfully, "and drive a minivan. A Harley, yes, a cool sports car, yes, a minivan? No. People like us don't drive around in freaking minivans!"
"She's right," Laurel said, putting the vacuum attachment she was showing Wildcat down reluctantly.
"Yeah," Felicity said a little sadly. "Besides, I really don't need the third row seating."
"That's easily fixed," the manager said, walking around to the back and flipping a lever before folding the seats into the floor effortlessly.
"Wow," Laurel breathed.
"It's like magic," Felicity said awestruck.
"Look at all the cargo room," Wildcat said slowly. "I could fit a ton of equipment for my gym in here."
"It's still a minivan," Renee said with a scowl. "Are you seriously going to go from a sweet ride like that Benz to a Mom-mobile? Do you really want to show up at Orbital in a ride that has a built in car seat?!"
"Actually, it doesn't have a built in car seat but it does have car seat anchoring clips if you needed them," the salesman told her.
"Mini. Van," Renee enunciated carefully. "Why are you even thinking about this? You don't even have kids!
"She's right, I don't have kids," Felicity told the salesman with a sigh. "Feels like it some days but, nope; no kids."
"Kids aren't actually a requirement to own one of these," he told her with a slight smile. "Did I mention it also comes with a trailer hitch, towing package, and it has heated seats, remote start, and automatic climate control?"
"Remote start and heated seats?" Felicity said, perking up.
"Those were the magic words," Laurel said to the salesman.
"I give up," Renee muttered.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
"Hand it over," Wildcat said, holding his hand out for the key fob.
"I want to drive," Felicity told him with a frown. "Technically, it's my car."
"If I got to run all over town in a damn minivan then I'm drivin'!" He told her.
"Fine," she said handing over the fob and climbing in the passenger side. "You know, you might not look like you're a hundred and six but you definitely act like it."
"They weren't kidding when they said the seats were comfortable," Laurel said, bouncing slightly in the back. "I could live in this thing!"
"It's a minivan and everyone in here is *supposed* to be a badass mask!" Renee said stubbornly. "Masks don't drive around in minivans! What happens if a bad guy sees you driving around in this thing? Do you think Batman would be half as intimidating as he is if he hopped out of a suburban mom-tank with a tray full of orange slices and a bunch of those little stick family stickers in the shape of bats in the back glass? I refuse to participate in…does this thing have an X-Box?" She said reaching into the seat back in front of her and pulling out a pair of cordless headphones and a game controller.
"It's possible," Felicity said from the front. "He did say the lady was having this thing fitted with a bunch of extras."
"Cool," Renee breathed as she pressed a button and the split screen player folded down and began to play.
"Oh my God," Laurel said as she leaned back her seat causing the foot rest to come up then pressed a button that caused the seat to hum. "Oh my God, it has built in massage; I want one of these."
"We can share," Felicity said, poking through the console. "Remind me to buy some drinks for our mini-fridge. Man, this is so much better than a Cooper."
Wildcat put down his foot and grunted in approval, "You know, I might even consider getting myself one."
"Really?" Felicity asked him.
"I said I *might* consider it," he said grumpily then relaxed his expression as he threaded the van through traffic, "It does have some get up and go though, I'll give you that."
"What do you think Renee?" Laurel asked the other woman with a grin.
"Die zombie fuckers!" She cursed at the screen triumphantly. "That's what you get for eating all of my sunflowers!"
Felicity looked from her to Laurel, "I think she likes it."
"Hah!" Renee crowed. "Level six! Eat pumpkin bombs you bastards!"
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
"Are you sure you don't want to stop by the shelter before we head home?" Felicity asked as they entered the grocery store.
"I thought about it but we should let Ace settle in first," Laurel told her. "Besides, you said Sara wanted a cat too so I was thinking it was something she and I could do together, you know? Kind of like a re-bonding thing."
"How many beds and toys does one dog need anyway?" Renee asked her. "You guys practically cleaned out the pet store."
"Technically this is my first dog so I wanted to make sure I covered all my bases," Felicity told her. "Besides, I only bought six beds; one for my room, one for the study, one for the kitchen, one for the living room, one for the FelicityCave, and one for Orbital on the off chance I decide to bring him with me."
"You're going to bring the dog into Orbital?" Wildcat asked skeptically.
"She could always sic him on Helena," Laurel suggested.
"Good point," Wildcat nodded.
Felicity reached for a buggy. "Okay, here's the plan; I say we split up and meet in the middle since we basically need everything."
"I'll stick with hot stuff on this side while you and Uncle Teddy head over to produce," Renee suggested.
"Watch it or 'Uncle Teddy' is gonna put you in time out," Wildcat said mockingly.
"Just remember, no nuts, okay?" Felicity told them. "I've survived too much to be taken out now by a rogue bit of trail mix."
"Got it," Laurel nodded, getting her own cart before she and Renee headed towards frozen foods. "I'm getting like fifty pounds of steak, swear to God. Oh, and chocolate; we're cleaning this sucker out."
"Seriously?" Renee asked her.
"Oh, and don't forget the Ben and Jerry's!" Felicity called out on her way towards the fresh section.
"Got it!" Laurel told her before waving her on.
"You forgot to ask what kind," Renee pointed out.
"No, I didn't," Laurel told her. "She just told us; Ben and Jerry's."
The other woman looked at her in confusion, "But what flavor?"
"That's obvious; all of them except the ones with nuts," Laurel said easily. "We should probably get a couple of each kind just to be safe. Plus Häagen-Dazs, and we are not leaving without a shit ton of coffee in this buggy."
Renee looked at her blankly before getting a second cart then paused and reached for a third, "You'd better hope the penthouse has a deep freeze or something, that's all I'm saying."
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
"How much celery do you need?" Wildcat said, "You've already got like five."
"I like celery, plus with Laurel and Luke eating me out of house and home I doubt it'll be around long enough to go bad," nevertheless Felicity put down the other two bundles and moved on. She paused by a long beige vegetable, "What's a jicama anyway?"
"I think it's a Mexican potato," he told her popping a grape in his mouth then putting a couple of bags of them in the buggy as well.
"You can't eat the grapes in the store before you buy them!" She hissed at him in a harsh whisper.
"What? They're gonna bust me for eatin' a grape?" He asked dryly. "'Sides, how else can you tell if they're ripe. Want some peaches and plums?"
"Yeah, get a bunch," She reached for the fresh green beans then paused, "Don't taste them first though."
"Funny," he told her loading up the produce bags and tossing them in the shopping cart before grabbing some apples as well. "So what's the deal with you and this Oliver guy anyway?"
She blew out a harsh breath before answering him, "That's a long story." She picked up an odd looking yellow fruit, "What does star fruit taste like?"
He glanced over at it, "It's kinda like an apple, pear, grape, pineapple, lemon, and grapefruit sort of thing all mixed up together."
"So it's a one-stop fruit salad," she said looking at it and debating before throwing it and four more into the buggy then reaching for some kiwi fruit.
He tossed a bag of clementine's and some navel oranges in the buggy as well, "I got time if you want to tell me that story. By the way, what other kinds of stuff do you want over here?"
"Salad stuff, bananas, more fruit—basically all the normal stuff," she told him then picked up a large purple vegetable, "What do rutabagas taste like?"
"It's like a cross between a cabbage and a turnip," he told her.
"Huh," she said looking at it askance. "What do turnips taste like?"
"Like a rutabaga, now are you gonna give me the skinny on this Oliver guy or what?" He asked her.
She grabbed a few and tossed them into the cart as well, "I worked with his mission for almost four years."
"And?" He prompted, tossing in several heads of lettuce and some carrots.
"And what?" She said, not meeting his eyes as she grabbed some bok choy.
"'And what'," he snorted as he reached for a flat of blueberries. "You know what I mean! You ain't that blonde, sweetheart, despite that 'butter won't melt in my mouth' routine you pulled at the dealership. Nice job with that, by the way. What other kind of berries do you want?"
"Just get some of everything," she told him. "We danced around each other for almost four years, had the slowest slow burn in history, had one night together, and that's it," she said tossing in some broccoli and cauliflower.
"If that was it then he wouldn't have been camped out at your kitchen table in his jammies this mornin'," he told her as he put the flats of cherries, raspberries, strawberries, and blackberries down. "You like pears?"
"Only the ones that are really mushy and sweet," she told him. "The Anjou ones? I can't remember. QC always send its employees some kind of fruit basket every year for Christmas. I'm Jewish but fruit is fruit, know what I mean?"
"These?" He asked, holding up a yellowish gold pear.
"No," she said looking at it. "They're green and red and kind of big and juicy."
"These?" He asked holding up another pear.
"Yeah….maybe," she said squinting.
"These aren't Anjou pears, they're," he glanced at the label, "Royal Riviera pears."
"I don't know, just toss them in there along with whatever else looks good," she told him as she grabbed some colored bell peppers, asparagus, and English cucumbers. "The truth is I don't know why Oliver is here."
He chuckled, "Oh, I took one look at him and could tell you exactly why he's here."
She scowled at him, "Look, he loves me, okay? He loves me, I love him, but we're just running at two different speeds right now." She started picking through the potatoes, "How many sweet potatoes can you eat?"
"You're cookin' me dinner?" He asked her.
"Well, yeah; you're helping me grocery shop, I figured I might as well feed you," she shrugged.
"I can put away two or three," he told her.
She looked at their cart, "We might need another buggy and we haven't even gotten past produce yet." She sighed and began filling up the clear plastic veggie bags with potatoes. "Hey, grab some of those russet potatoes near the tomatoes."
"But you love Bruce too, right?" He asked her as he picked them up along with a flat of heirloom tomatoes and tossed them in as well.
"I'm kind of in love with both of them but I'm *with* Bruce," she said reluctantly. "How do you feel about corn on the cob?"
"Like it deserves its own postage stamp that tastes like butter when you lick it," he told her. "How do you feel about Brussels sprouts?"
"Like if you put that in my buggy I will hit you. Egg plant?"
"Definitely," he nodded. "So you're in love with this Oliver guy but you're marrying Bruce?"
"It's complicated," she told him.
"No shit," he snorted.
She grabbed a sack of fingerling potatoes and some sweet Italian onions. "I don't know; frankly they've both got me feeling confused."
"Mangoes?" He asked as he grabbed a few bunches of bananas.
She wrinkled her nose, "They always taste like bug spray to me."
"I like 'em," he said tossing them in anyway. "And Bruce already knows about all this?"
"He knows," she said going up to the small section in between produce and bakery with all the dried salad fixings and pouches of tempura mix. She tossed in some dried cranberries, raisins, mushroom batter, bacon bits, and croutons.
"And he's okay with it?" He asked grabbing a few different kinds of mushrooms and laying them on top of the pile.
"No one is okay with it, I'm not okay with it, but I also wasn't going to lie about something like that," she said heading out of produce and into bakery after Wildcat picked up some cantaloupes and added them to their haul.
"You know, I've known Bruce a long time and he's never been hung up on a woman the way he's hung up on you," he told her.
"What about Selina?" She asked as she placed several loaves of whole wheat bread in the basket.
"Eh, he could get turned around by her but he was never caught up," he told her as he put in some French bread along with some rye and pumpernickel.
She steered the cart towards the health food section, "He looked for her for years though."
He stuck his hands in his pockets and ambled beside her, "Yes and no; he looked but if he really wanted to find her, he could have. I think it was more about keepin' tabs and makin' sure she was okay, but he was never really…not possessive, more like fully invested in her, know what I mean?"
"Not really," she reached for several bags of raw pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and yogurt covered pretzels.
"I though you said you was allergic," he asked pointing to the bags.
"Those aren't nuts, they're seeds," she told him as she also added a few jars of sunflower butter and held one up to show him. "This is my version of peanut butter and I like to roast the seeds for snacks and make my own trail mix. That reminds me, we need to hit the cereal aisle and see what kinds of nut-free granola they've got."
"Are you gonna have enough room for all this stuff?" He asked looking at their rapidly increasing bounty.
"There is literally nothing at the penthouse but the leftover bagels you brought and I have a huge Subzero and a second smaller fridge and deep freezer in the butler's pantry. Unless Laurel goes completely nuts and buys a side of beef we should be fine." She steered them toward the dairy section, "I always thought Bruce was pretty invested in her; they were together a long time."
"There's together and then there's *together*," he said with a furrowed brow. "Selina lived up to her handle in every way; she was independent, passionate, did what she wanted when she wanted, and even if she'd let you stroke her fur every once in a while she made sure you knew she didn't belong to anyone but herself." A wistful smile appeared on his lips, "She was a hell of a girl, that's for sure."
"Was? It's not like she's dead. Wait, she's not dead, is she?" She asked, pausing in alarm as she reached for the half and half.
"Naw, she's fine. She even drops me a line every once in a while," he assured her as he began tossing in different kinds of cheeses.
"Good," she breathed out in relief as she reached for a gallon of milk before heading toward the sour cream. After picking out a few cartons, she paused, her hand hovering above the butter, "Wait, if she's been sending you messages then that means you've known where she was this whole time?"
He closed his eyes and winced, "I suppose it's too late to take that back, huh?"
"Why would you keep that from Bruce?" She asked him, placing the butter and cream cheese in the cart.
"She asked me not to say nothin'," he shrugged. "You like string cheese?"
She started picking out several containers of yogurt, "Not really but Luke does so grab a bag. In fact, grab two; he eats more than anyone I've ever met and as long as we have food in the house he's going to be practically living there. So you knew where Selina was but instead of telling Bruce she was okay, you just let him keep looking?"
"Aw shit, well…" he threw her a sheepish look, "Rock and a hard place, you know? 'Sides, it worked out in the end. He got over it eventually. Like I said, it wasn't like they was ever really exclusive. Hell, they had their thing, she and Dick had a moment or two, plus she was seein' some private detective, and every once in a while we'd hook up…"
"You slept with Selina?" She asked, mouth falling open in surprise. "Did Bruce know?"
"'Course he knew," he scoffed. "We never talked about it but Selina wasn't one for hidin' shit like that. Like I said, they were a bit more than casual but that didn't mean they were pickin' out china patterns either."
She frowned and turned into the cereal aisle, "That doesn't sound like the Bruce I know. He tends to be pretty territorial."
"That's because it isn't the Bruce *you* know, it's the one everybody else does," he told her. "I've known Bruce since he first put on the cowl and I'm tellin' you, honey, what he's got for you he never had for nobody else. I don't know what you got goin' on with this Oliver fella, seems like a hell of a great guy, but just because Bruce might seem bulletproof, it don't mean he is. Think twice before you hurt him, that's all I'm sayin'."
"I love Bruce," she told him quietly. "He knows it, Oliver knows it, and even though I love both of them, I'm with him and I've made a commitment to being with him. I've never lied to him and he knows everything that happened between me and Oliver both before I left Starling and that he spent the night last night at the penthouse." At the look on the other man's face she added, "And no, I didn't sleep with him nor do I intend to."
"But you're tempted?" He asked her, "It's okay if you are; hell, I'm not judgin' a damn thing, I'm just sayin' that if you do go there, cut the guy a break and end it clean first. Bruce is a son of a bitch but he's also my friend and, if you were Selina he might get pissy for a while then let it go, but with you…" He shook his head, "Trust me, I've seen this situation play out before and shit like this has a tendency to blow up in your face."
"Like I said, even if I still have feelings for Oliver, we can't be together because his life is too unsettled right now," she said shifting her stance uncomfortably. "I don't know, it just seems like I'm being pulled in two different directions sometimes. They both want me to be with them, both of them asked me to marry them and have kids, but I can only choose one of them." She sighed, "The truth is, yeah, I love them both and I could see myself spending my life with either one of them, crazy as that sounds. I mean, neither one of them is perfect; Bruce can be an ass and Oliver isn't any better, but it just feels like…"
He stopped to lean against the grocery shelves, his arms crossed over his chest, "Like what?"
She tightened her lips and huffed out a frustrated breath, "It feels like, when it comes to their missions, Oliver is just out of the starting gate with miles to go and Bruce is already rounding the last corner. I know if I stay with either of them that the mission will always be a part of it but it feels like I have a better shot at having a life with Bruce right now, you know?" She looked up at him, "I'm tired of being pushed aside for my own good and waiting to be seen because something else is more important than I am. I'm tired of waiting for something to happen that might never get here, and as daunting as a life with Bruce sounds, he's always seen me even when he was breaking my heart in a million pieces."
He frowned then arched his eyebrow knowingly, "I like you, honey. Hell, I might even be gettin' a bit of a crush here and, God knows, I'm not exactly the best person to come to for relationship advice. I'm a real son of a bitch despite this charming veneer I put on and I've hurt a lot of women in my time. I cheated, I lied, and I left two women in the lurch takin' care of my kids because I didn't man-up and take care of business the way I should have. I've made a lot more mistakes than Bruce or this Oliver fella ever has or ever will and I'm tellin' you right now, masks ain't good relationship material, darlin'," he told her bluntly. "Our mutual friend, Jay? He and his wife have been married forever and, as much as he loves her, even he fucked up a time or two. At one point I thought for sure Joanie was gonna leave him and I really wouldn't have blamed her for it."
"What happened?" She asked with a confused frown. "They seemed like a fairytale couple; happily ever after."
"Ain't no such thing, darlin'." He sighed, "Back a very long time ago, he lost his temper once and slapped her."
"Seriously?" She said feeling sick to her stomach.
"It wasn't his fault really, it was an accident. He never woulda done it in a million years otherwise but he was comin' off a case where he got hit by somethin' and still not himself, lost his shit, and smacked her," he shook his head. "Not hard, he didn't even leave a bruise, but it pretty much snapped him out of it instantly. Damage was done though. Joanie wasn't the type to put up with that shit, and she left him for a while. He felt like a real son of a bitch wife-beater afterwards, called himself every kind of bastard there was for it. I didn't take it as seriously back then as I would now because I knew Jay and couldn't ever imagine him doin' somethin' like that. I made a remark about him switchin' from Yoohoo's to Ovaltine, said he probably just drank too much with his cookies and that I'd smooth it over for him. Soon as the words left my big fat mouth he kicked my ass for even jokin' about it. He was right to do it, too," he told her. "That shit's not somethin' you should ever joke about but Joanie eventually forgave him and he retired shortly after that. He couldn't take the mission anymore, not if it was turnin' him into a monster even if he wasn't really at fault." His eyes met hers, "Guess what I'm sayin' honey, is if you're lookin' for a happily ever after with either of those guys, you ain't gonna find it. Best you can hope for is good enough and 'good enough' means you havin' to forgive a lot of shit no sane woman should."
"Neither of them would ever hurt me," she told him.
"There's all kinds of hurt, honey," he told her. "Words and actions bruise deeper than any closed fist, trust me. The pain lasts a hell of a lot longer."
"Believe me, I know that," she said wryly.
"Look, I'm not tryin' to talk you into anything and I'm sure as hell not tryin' to talk you out of anything, but you've been tellin' me what they want; what do you want?"
She opened her mouth to answer him then stopped.
"Well?" He prompted.
"I just…I just want to…" she struggled to put it in words, "I want to go home; not home as in a specific place, just *home*," she emphasized. "I want to feel safe and loved and I want the person I'm with to see me and not forget I exist the minute they leave the room or something else comes up." She ducked her head, "I don't need marriage, or kids, or even a mission; I just don't want to be alone anymore. I'm tired of…I'm tired of being alone all the time," she said quietly.
"I get that," he said in a low voice. "Believe me, honey; I know exactly what you mean." He seemed to shake himself out of it then picked up a box of granola and read through the label. "Is this brand okay?"
She glanced at it, "Any nuts?"
"I don't see any listed in the ingredients or the warnings."
"Grab a couple of boxes," she told him. "Oh, and pick up whatever kinds of cereals you like."
"You doin' my shoppin', too now?" He asked, throwing her a crooked grin.
"I just figured that if you're going to be hanging out at my place regularly you might want a snack," she shrugged. "My kitchen is your kitchen, right?"
He gave her a warm look and shook his head, "You're somethin' else, honey."
"What do you mean?" She asked, tossing in a large canister of old fashioned oatmeal.
"You got a habit of pickin' up strays, don't ya?" He said bemusedly. "I never met a girl like you before," he said picking out some high protein cereal along with some Cream of Wheat. "Probably a good thing, too. You know, I think that if Bruce hadn't found you first, you might have had a fair to middlin' shot at convincing an old stray tom like me to give up my wanderin' ways. After getting' to know you, it don't surprise me none that you got ole Bruce all tied up in knots over you."
She steered the cart into the next aisle and tossed in some ketchup and mustard, "Are you saying I could have turned you from a Wildcat into a house cat?" She teased.
"Hell, you already got me runnin' around in a damn minivan, what do you think?" He shot back. "What kind of salad dressings do you like?"
"Get ranch, Italian, balsamic, and a few different vinaigrettes," she told him. "I like to switch things up every once in a while."
"Well if I'm gonna be hangin' around then I'm gettin' some thousand island," he told her then tossed in some steak sauce as they moved down the aisle. "Plus, maybe we could look into getting' a grill for out on that deck of yours," he told her. "Remind me to pick up some charcoal before we head over to the hardware store. If I'm gonna get all domesticated for you girls then there better be steaks involved."
"I'm pretty sure that with Laurel doing the meat shopping there will be," she said dryly.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
"You want how many rib eyes?" The butcher behind the counter asked her incredulously.
Laurel asked him, "How many do you have? Oh, and twenty of the biggest porterhouses you've got; make them thick, like huge," she said holding her fingers several inches apart.
"She doesn't need that many," Renee said, stepping up. "Halve that and just get us the rest of it and we'll be back in a minute to pick it up. Oh and," she held her fingers much closer together than the other woman did but still a more than adequate amount. "Don't give us the whole cow, okay?"
"Okay," the man in the white apron said faintly as he took the whole rib eye out of the case and over to the counter to be prepped.
"You are seriously over-shopping, you know that right?" Renee said dragging the two already full carts behind her as Laurel filled a third. "How much coffee do you need, anyway? What did you do, get one of every kind they had?"
"Not every kind," she told her. "Just the ones that aren't decaf." Her eyes lit up as she headed towards the next aisle, "Oooh, chocolate. Oh man, did you see this? Vermont Nut-free dark chocolates! Oh, and plain Hershey bars, Kisses, gummy worms, Pop Rocks, Twizzlers, Rolos, Jelly Belly jelly beans, Skittles, Tootsie Rolls, Swedish Fish—ooh, Whoppers! Oh, we're getting those for sure. Hey, Marshmallows! Oh my God, did you know they made them jumbo sized like this? How did I not know this? These things are fricking huge! You know, we should go back to the coffee aisle and get some hot cocoa."
"How are you so skinny?" Renee said in amazement as she trailed behind her.
*\?/*\?/*\?/*
"Okay, last thing is Oreos," Felicity said heading down the aisle and running straight into Renee and Laurel.
"Goddamn," Wildcat said eyeing their collection of carts in amazement.
"I tried talking her down but I just couldn't," Renee told them apologetically. "It was like a grocery store feeding frenzy."
"You guys filled up three buggies?" She asked eyeing the close to overflowing oversized carts.
"Five," Laurel said looking up from the label she was reading. "We left two up front. How many did you fill up?"
She turned to point at their cart hesitantly, "Uh, just one," she said holding up her finger.
She snorted, "That's it? What have you guys been doing all this time?" At Felicity's and Wildcat's dumbfounded expressions she shrugged, "What? You're the one who wanted ice cream. Oh, did you see what we found? Turducken!" She said giddily. "We got the biggest one they had. I figured we could have like a belated Thanksgiving when Sara gets back since everybody on the team missed it back in Starling last year. We already picked out all the stuff for it; pumpkin pie, whip cream, cranberry sauce, the little tiny peas in the silver can…"
"Sure…" Felicity said biting her lip. "By the way, you did take your meds this morning, right? Not that, you know, that has anything to do with what we're talking about but…"
"I'm good, I'm just really, really hungry," she told her. "You should never shop on an empty stomach."
"You ate five bagels and two muffins," Renee said flatly. "My ass got bigger just watching you."
"I have a high metabolism," she shrugged, "We should stop and pick up something on our way home for lunch. By the way, do you know how hard it is finding nut-free cookies? It seems like everything I've looked at has nuts on the label."
"Yeah, I know," she said walking up to the Oreos before stopping dead in her tracks, "Oh my God, they have Chocos." She picked up the box and looked at it reverentially. "I haven't had a Choco in forever!"
"What's a Choco?" Laurel asked, walking over to examine the box in her hand. "It looks like an off-brand Oreo."
"It is," Renee said, leaning heavily on her cart.
"No, it's not," Felicity told her. "Chocos are even better than Oreos."
"How so?" Wildcat asked her.
"You've never had a Choco?" She asked looking at him.
"Not much of a cookie kind of guy," he shrugged.
"I can't believe you've lived in Gotham this long and never had a Choco," she muttered then sighed, "You know how the whole point of an Oreo is the white stuff in the middle?" She asked him.
"Generally when I eat a cookie I eat the whole thing, so no," he said in wry amusement.
"Okay, well, trust me; most people just twist them apart and then eat the middle before tossing away the black cookie part because it doesn't really taste like anything," she said matter-of-factly. "Chocos not only are bigger and have more of the white stuff, but the cookie part actually tastes like chocolate." She grabbed a couple of boxes off the shelf, "You have no idea how much I've missed these living on the West Coast; that and real Gotham-style pizza." She looked over her friends, "Alrighty then; you guys ready to check out? Wildcat wants to stop and pick up a grill so we can have steaks for lunch."
"Luckily we have plenty," Renee said wryly as she slid one of the carts towards Wildcat.
Laurel lingered behind for a second before grabbing three more boxes of Chocos and stacking them precariously on top of her already overloaded buggy. "Hey Felicity, do you still have that Price Club membership thing? Maybe we should see if they have one of those here?"
