Title: Seme vs. Uke (Fight!)

Characters: Sanzo-ikkou

Timeline: Present

Summary: The battle to end all battles.

A/n: This is even more cracked out than usual, except its stereotype crack. C'mon, if we can't make fun of stereotypes then who will. Who?


"In the name of seme's everywhere, I claim this as Gojyo territory."

/Gojyo slings an arm around Hakkai/

/Hakkai frowns/

"And now commences the ceremony to delegate which parts I'm entitled too."

/Gojyo makes a motion that suggests he's delegated all parts/

/Hakkai frowns/

/Sanzo frowns/

/Goku raises his hands/

"Yes, stupid monkey in the front."

"A seme…it's a…"

"Yes, it is something that you will never attain."

/It's the first time Sanzo's ever completely agreed with Gojyo/

/Hell freezes over/

"Shut up! How do you know that?"

"Because you're short, and stupid, and you like sweet things."

"That doesn't…hey!"

"It doesn't need to make sense. Just know your place."

/Sanzo's language frighteningly enough is starting to sound like Gojyo's/

/Hell thaws and freezes over again/

"You shouldn't talk to Goku like that."

/Hakkai frowns at Sanzo/

/Sanzo frowns back/

"But yuh know, if Hakkai and Sanzo were an item, Hakkai, you'd definitely be the seme."

/Gojyo's words do not placate Hakkai/

/Sanzo turns his anger on his seme compatriot/

"Whose side are you on?"

"Well obviously the side that's gonna blow me."

/Hakkai readies a chi blast/

/Sanzo and Goku move back ten paces/

"Hey Sanzo, you're the prettier one, so I should be the seme."

"Your logic is astoundingly simply and stupid. Nope, you take the uke role just fine."

"But you wear a dress."

"It's a fucking priest robe."

"But you're prettier."

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"Yes it does." /Gojyo cuts in/

"Then you go be an uke, ponytail."

"Whoa, don't go dissin' another man's hair like that."

"Plus Sanzo's not as strong as me."

"Tch, says the monkey that gets pined down by me every time he goes ape-shit."

"I think Sanzo would make a great uke."

"You got no room to talk, Hakkai."

"Oh do I?"

"Yes, you do, so while you're blowing Gojyo, you can go make him a full course meal."

/Hakkai is flabbergasted/

/Gojyo high fives Sanzo/

"But Sanzo's short."

"I'm taller than you!"

"But I still have to grow and when I grow, I'm gonna be taller than you."

"You're never gonna be taller than me."

"Why?"

/Whispers evilly/ Because I'll chop your legs off before that happens.

/Hakkai laughs, snootily/

"Hey, stop laughing like that. Uke's are supposed to be innocent, and shy, and virginal."

"I know Judo." /Hakkai states/

"So! I'm heavier than you."

"Judo uses the opponent's weight to inflict more damage."

"Well shit, I'm still stronger."

/Hakkai goes onto throw Gojyo, while he holds one of his hand's captive/

"Say uncle."

"Oh for the love of—Uncle, uncle /Taps hand furiously to floor/ "My fucking hand!"

"Look at the Great Seme."

"I'll do the same thing to you Sanzo."

"Tch. Just try it. I'm the one and only true seme here."

"Is that so?" /Homura walks in/

/Goku smiles at Homura/

/Sanzo feels his seme powers weakening/

NOOOOO!

End.