Chapter 53
"The smell…" Ron uttered, beginning to drool like a Pavlovian dog. "…it's so familiar…so…tasty…"
Rufus stood about ten feet away from the food, smacking his lips. He and Rufus were behind the Pants-Fall-Down-inator.
"Could it be, boy…?" Ron sighed. "I thought it only existed as rumors…"
Rufus shook his head sideways, indicating a 'no', and continued drooling at the food underneath the paper towel.
Drakken, meanwhile, stopped for a moment and realized, "Ugh…I should be getting back to my Building Transporter! I need to prepare my inaugural speech as President Drakken once the White House is mine…." He began to adjust the knobs back to the White House and got out the remote that controlled his device from his belt. "Stupid thing running on vacuum tubes…"
Kim and Shego backflipped and stood at each other face to face.
"What's the matter, Shego? Getting too slow?" Kim taunted.
Shego retorted, trying to throw a punch with her glowing hand, which Kim dodged easily "Kimmy, I exercise for about three hours! I'm not that slow! I think it's you who's putting on the extra pounds!"
"Sorry, Shego…but I don't eat fast food!" she grunted, fighting back with a kick.
Doofenshmirtz pulled the paper towel back, then returned his attention to Agent P.
"See, Perry the Platypus? They are some sort of…taco tortilla….chip-things with nachos in them….they just came out with them today!" he said, while he grabbed a bowlful of packets of Diablo Sauce.
The foods were miniaturized versions of Bueno Nacho's biggest money-maker.
Ron allowed his pet to jump onto his shoulder and whispered in Rufus' ear, "Miniaturized versions of microwavable Nacos with eight in each pack available in every retail grocery store! Rufus, buddy, do you know what this means?"
"Cha-ching!" Rufus squeaked, dollar signs appearing in his eyes.
"That's my boy! Now…let's have a bite…."
They took at one look at the mini-Naco box on the machine which read, "WARNING: CONTENTS EXTREMELY HOT!"
_
Wade, in the meantime, spotted the special black case where the Rarium was stored. The claw on the Kimmunicator was grasping the rare element in a pincer grip.
He slowly lowered the joystick, which controlled the claw.
"Come on… almost there…"
The Rarium rock was placed perfectly in the case.
"Gotcha!" Wade exclaimed in triumph as he then turned his attention to Professor Burner.
"You got the element into the case?" the Professor asked.
"Yep!" Wade replied, hands behind his head. "Now… about the Rarium element that you were telling me about.
"Oh yes, Mr. Load, we did some more research in the hours since the theft of the laboratory and it is astounding the scientific community as we speak!"
Wade then took out a pen and notepad. "I'm all ears!"
"Okay, the more recent discoveries about Rarium are…"
The genius began to write down the notes.
Heinz, still focused on Agent P, offered one of the mini-Nacos to his nemesis.
"Want one, Perry the Platypus?" he asked as an offer of compassion.
Agent P turned away his head in a snob look, refusing his order.
"What?! Perry the Platypus, I am offering you a sign of peace with this food! If you won't, then I'll eat it myself!" Heinz warned, aghast at the porous manners of Agent P.
Agent P rolled around his eyes and offered his hand.
"Ahh….there we go, Perry the Platypus… you see, it's not that difficult!" Doofenshmirtz said with a smile, giving the mini-Naco to Agent P.
Agent P received the mini-Naco from Heinz, took one look at it, and threw it in Doof's face.
Heinz screamed in pain over the hot contents of the taco condiments from the mini-Naco. He flailed his arms around his face.
"AIIIGHHHH!" he yelled, and then Agent P slapped Doof's face again with his tail.
"Urrghh…." Doof groaned as he fell to the floor. That was when he noticed that his mini-Naco platter was gone.
"What…wait...where did my food go?"
He darted his eyes upward and gasped.
Ron and Rufus were eating his mini-Nacos! The both of them already had consumed one apiece.
"You….Mr. Buffoon!" Doofenshmirtz yelled angrily, "Drop my Mexican food now…"
"Um, excuse me?!" Ron countered, munching on the food. "You're talking to the man who invented the Naco! And for your info, my name is RON! R—O—N!"
"I don't care!" Doofenshmirtz fumed, "Your name is going to be Mud once I'm done with you!"
Ron snickered, "Not today!" Then he yelled, "Go, Rufus!"
Rufus was on the top of the Pants-fall-down-inator with two Diablo sauce packets in his hands.
"Boo-yah!" he squeaked as he pressed hard on the packets. Doofenshmirtz turned for a moment as the sauce squirted right into his eyes.
"AIIGHH! I can't see a thing!" he yelled with his eyes closed, arms flailing around as if he were a bird.
Ron looked around and saw Drakken still working on his machine.
"Old buddy, you know what to do!" he grinned, pointing at Drakken.
Rufus climbed down from the tower with one Diablo Sauce pack in hand.
At the machine, Drakken muttered to himself, fiddling with a few of the knobs of his remote. "Almost adjusting…ah, there we go!" he laughed to himself. He closed his eyes and walked back to the Pants-Fall-Down-inator.
Rufus threw the Diablo Sauce packet at the floor right directly in the path where Drakken was walking.
"Oh, Dr. Doof…the Transporter's finally heated up and ready to fire… all I have to do is press the…."
He stepped on the Diablo Sauce packet and began to slip along the sauce, losing his grip on the remote control.
"OH NO!" he gasped loudly, "My remote!"
The remote control slid all across the floor and landed right in front of one of Doof's machines.
Agent P grinned at the sight of his nemesis covered in Naco fixings and Diablo Sauce.
Then he noticed Kim still fighting against Shego.
"Um…Agent P… a little help?" Kim insisted.
Agent P then looked at Norm and an idea suddenly came to his ingenious head.
"Get it off! Get it off!" Doof yelled while his arms were flailing around. His left arm hit one of the buttons.
The machine zapped the remote control and it disappeared from view.
Drakken lamented and cried loudly, "NOOOOOO! My plans to transport the White House to my lair…GONE!"
With fury in his eyes, Drakken screamed, "DOOFENSHMIRTZ!"
Doof exclaimed, still blinded by the sauce, "Dr. Drakken, I know you said that but I don't know where you are?!"
"You blithering fool…you cretin…" Drakken fumed, grabbing Doof by the lapels of his white jacket. "You….moron!"
"Hey….what is the meaning of this?!" Heinz confusingly replied with surprise.
Drakken used his thumb to wipe Heinz of the hot sauce from his eyes and ranted angrily, "Do you see the expression of rage on my face!"
"Oh thanks, Dr. Drakken, I….hey… why the anger and rage?"
"You…clumsy idiot!" Drakken continued ranting "You hit a button that made my remote control disappear!"
"Hey!" Doofenshmirtz countered, "haven't you heard of a little thing called an accidental mistake!"
"NO, you nitwit!" Drakken exclaimed with fury, "and frankly, I haven't heard of a little thing called competence from you!"
"Wait a minute… that was an insult!" Doofenshmirtz complained.
Drakken seethed "Frankly, I don't think your Pants-Down thingamajig cannot even fire correctly…"
Rufus was enjoying the mini-Naco when he accidentaly sat on a button on the Pants-Fall-Down-inator. The ray wildly spun to where Doofenshmirtz and Drakken were arguing.
"Like I said… this plan is going nowhere!" Drakken blustered. "Things could get worse because the possibility of our pants falling down could happen at anytime!"
The ray fired on both of them, and both of their pants fell down.
Drakken looked down and pouted, folding his arms, "I just had to say that…"
Agent P fired his grappling hook and went up to Norm's shoulder.
"Why hello, Perry the Platypus, how may I help you today?" Norm said, trying to swat Agent P off, but he ducked.
Agent P smirked and opened a panel behind his shoulder, beginning to adjust some wires and knobs inside of him.
"So, Princess, looks like your pet platypus abandoned you…" Shego smirked, trying to throw another punch which Kim dodged.
"First of all, Shego, no he hasn't abandoned me…" Kim grunted, ducking from one of Shego's low kicks, "and second…." Kim then kicked Shego in the stomach and backflipped three times to distance herself from her. "…he's not my pet platypus!"
She looked at Agent P now standing on Norm's shoulder. "Fire away, P!"
Agent P saluted and fired once. A piece of gum emitted from Norm's laser hand.
"Ooof….." Shego groaned, struggling to get up when the piece of gum made a ding on her forehead and she picked it up.
"A piece of gum…?" she chuckled, "What do you think you're trying to do, Princess, stick me with it…?"
Agent P smirked as Shego gasped at the piece of gum. The gum enlarged itself to her size and trapped her to the nearby wall. It blanketed and covered almost every single part of her body, save for her head.
"What the hey…?!" Shego exclaimed.
"Well…well…well…" Kim taunted with a smile, folding her arms. "It look like you're the one that's stuck now, Shego!"
"Just watch, Princess!" Shego growled, "I'll just simply burn my way out!"
She tried powering up her plasma flames but all that emerged was a low green glow.
"What?! Why isn't it working?!" Shego screamed.
Agent P rewired Norm's shoulder to extend it as it showed a dial selection. It pointed to "Plasma-Absorbing Bubble-Gum Trap.
Shego took one look in horror at the dial and screamed loudly in defeat, struggling mightily to get out but unable to do so.
Agent P then went behind Norm for the On-Off switch and quickly shut him down. He then backflipped several times in the air before landing on his feet.
"Have I said that you rock, Agent P!" Kim complimented.
Agent P gave one nod of his head and then pointed to the Pants-Fall-Down-inator.
"Oh yes…to Doofenshmirtz's…inator-thingy!"
Drakken heard Shego's cries of despair and growled at Heinz, "See what your uselessness has done, Doctor?! You lost my remote, Shego's trapped in bubblegum, and you also brought back my painful memories of college!"
(cuts back to a flashback of an expelled Drew Lipsky being escorted away from college in his underpants by security, while James, Ramesh and Professor Chen laughing and pointing at him)
"It's not my fault that Perry the Platypus rewired Norm!" Heinz refuted, shuffling in his fallen-down pants. "And are you questioning my competence? Hello?! I am more than confident in my competence!"
"Well, if you would've helped Shego instead of working on this…this…piece of junk, I would've taken over the world by now!" Drakken raged. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to find my remote control..."
He then tripped over his pants.
"Ooof….that's going to leave a mark…"
Drakken looked up and saw none other than a glaring…
"Kim Possible?!" he scurried in fear, now that Shego was trapped by that huge gum trap.
"Well, duh, Drakken, who do you expect, the boogeyman?" Kim smirked, with Agent P beside her.
"You may have won against Shego, Kim Possible, but you will never foil… oh right… the remote's missing because of Dr. Dudley Doof-right here being as clumsy as a chimpanzee!"
"Hey!" Doofenshmirtz interrupted.
"Seems like their so-called partnership has come to an end!" Kim smirked, seeing an advantage in both Drakken and Doofenshmirtz arguing against each other in their underpants.
"Let's take 'em on, Agent P!"
Kim and Agent P leapt into the air, somersaulted, and kicked both Drakken and Doofenshmirtz in the stomach.
"Oooof….."
The both of them landed with a loud thud on their behind on the floor with Drakken crying "My plan…taking the White House … ruined… it's not possible!"
"Actually, Drakken, it is possible! Kim Possible!" Kim proudly proclaimed, flipping her red hair and wearing a triumphant smug on her face. Agent P smirked and pressed a red button, activating a cage trap for both of the mad scientists.
"Perry the Platypus?! Lemme out of here!"
Agent P walked on over to the cage and slapped Doofenshmirtz once in the face.
"Okay, is that how it's going to be, Perry the Platypus?! Just wait until I get you…next time!"
Drakken shouted with frustration, "Neeerrghhh… face it, Doctor, my plan cannot backfire any worse…"
Ron and Rufus, in the meantime, were finishing up the mini-nacos while standing up.
"Oh man, Rufus ol' pal, I'm totally full…" Ron groaned from eating about four of the confectionaries.
"Yeah…." Rufus squeaked, plopping on the floor.
"Why don't I just sit down here for a moment…"
Ron then sat down on a few of the buttons of the Pants-Fall-Down-inator, when all of a sudden….
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE…INITIATED…SELF-DESTRUCTION WILL BEGIN IN TWO MINUTES, THIRTY SECONDS…"
The timer began to tick down.
"Ron!" Kim exclaimed.
Ron blabbered, "What, KP?! What did I do?!"
Kim groaned, facepalming "Don't tell me that you sat on a self-destruct button…"
"A self-destruct button… a self-destruct button…?!" Drakken seethed, "You actually put a self-destruct button in that wretched device of yours?!"
"Um…..yes?" Heinz nervously replied, even in the face of a raging Drakken.
"What?! Why you little….
Shego mocked as loud as she could, still in her bubble-gum trap, "That's what I've been trying to tell you , … the thing about Doofenshmirtz on his LOVE MUFFIN profile that I looked at and you neglected is that he installs self-destruct buttons on all of -inator devices! Once again, Dr. D, you fail to read between the lines!"
"All of them…?!" Drakken nervously twitched "Every…single…one?"
Shego nodded her head once, affirming this fact, "Read my lips, Dr. D… every single device!"
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN TWO MINUTES"
"Doof?! I can't believe it! Why would you want to put a self-destruct device on all of your machines!" Drakken gasped in disbelief.
"It's so that Perry the Platypus would defeat me every time!" Doofenshmirtz countered.
"What?! How can an animal who usually does nothing defeat you… it just doesn't … make … sense!"
"Oh yes, and for your information," Doofenshmirtz taunted, "I put five self-destruct buttons on the Pants-Fall-Down-inator, all centered together!"
Drakken's eyes was twitching, "Five…self-destruct…buttons…" He began to yell loudly and tried to pull out his hair.
"You know… pulling out your hair isn't a healthy behavior…" Heinz observed.
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN ONE MINUTE, FORTY-FIVE SECONDS"
"Duh…you think?!" Drakken fumed.
While Doofenshmirtz and Drakken were engaging in their shouting match, Kim and Ron were rushing out the building. Ron grabbed Rufus and put him in the pocket of his pants.
"Ron, where's the Kimmunicator?!" she questioned.
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN ONE MINUTE, THIRTY SECONDS"
"I don't know, KP! You told me that Wade had to get the Rarium from Drakken's device thingey…" Ron said, pointing out the last time he saw the device.
She then heard the four beeps of her Kimmunicator, and darted her green eyes over to the nearby table where both the Kimmunicator and the black case containing the Rarium was. Kim got to the table and grabbed both of them.
"I'll take that, please and thank you!" she smirked.
Drakken, seeing thing from the cage, gasped and cried, "NO! My Rarium! This can't be happening!"
"Silly Drakken, Rarium's for the Danville Laboratory!" Kim chuckled slightly.
Shego rolled her eyes and sighed, "Here we go again…"
Agent P, meanwhile, spotted the aiming mechanism for the Amnesia-inator, which he grabbed. He ran alongside with Kim and Ron. He also wielded a small spy knapsack on his back.
"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN ONE MINUTE"
"Ron…what is it with you and self-destruct buttons?" Kim complained, running as fast as she could.
"I guess I just have a thing for them…" Ron nervously chuckled, panting out of breath a little.
"Hah…very funny, Ron! Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to talk with Wade about how to avoid being blown up to smithereens in this sitch!" Kim replied sarcastically, taking out her Kimmunicator as Wade came on.
"Wade, anything we can use to escape this place?" Kim asked instantly.
Wade was a bit-wide eyed after taking notes from his conversation with Professor Burner, "Kim, I was talking with Professor Bunson Burner at the Danville Lab and…"
"Hello, Wade? Exploding lair in 45 seconds here?!" Kim interrupted, taking the self-destructing lair top priority.
"Oh yes…there's a hang-glider in both your knapsack and in Ron's! I guess I'll explain everything once you get to ground level…"
"Do that, Wade!" Kim exclaimed, putting the Kimmunicator back in her pocket.
Kim, Ron, and Agent P approached the balcony.
"SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN 30 SECONDS"
"Um…KP, how do we expect to glide down a 40-story building 'cause…" Ron began to panic, "…I'm afraid of HEIGHTS!"
"You got any better ideas, Ron?"
SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN 15 SECONDS"
Agent P jumped down from the building. He held the aiming mechanism in one hand and pressed the red button on his knapsack. A hang-glider with Agent P's face adorning its wings tore through the sack as he grasped the handle bars.
"Ready, Ron? Go!" Kim insisted.
The both of them jumped off the edge of the building, and pressed the buttons on their sacks too. Kim's hang-glider emerged with the KP logo adorning the wings. Ron's hang-glider had Bueno Nacho's logo adorned.
SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN TEN…NINE…EIGHT…
"That is it!" Drakken finally screamed at the top of his lungs, grasping the bars on his cage"This 'partnership' of ours is off!"
SEVEN…SIX…FIVE…FOUR
"Hmm…" Doofenshmirtz thought to himself, "is there something I should say?"
THREE…TWO…ONE!
"Oh snap…" Drakken gulped, knowing the time had run out on his plans.
A large explosion and boom sounded through the town as it blew Doofenshmirtz's lair into pieces.
Doofenshmirtz yelled as loud as he could in a wide echo while the hero's hang gliders allowed the air to guide them safely to a nearby sidewalk a block away.
"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS … AND YOU TOO MISS POSSIBLE AND MR. BUFFOON!"
