Chapter 52

"Thank you" was quite possibly the last thing Kakashi had expected to come out of Sasuke's mouth just then, and it took him a minute to get over his surprise.

When he did, he wasn't quite sure what exactly he felt … there was undoubtedly guilt there - receiving an expression of gratitude from the same person he had been betraying cut into him, especially when he forced himself to acknowledge that he had originally only offered to train Sarada-chan because she was Sakura's daughter ... The fact that he had continued to train the girl because he enjoyed it didn't negate his initial motive, no matter what he told himself.

Furrowing his brow, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree.

Of course he felt guilt at Sasuke's "Thank you" ... and that guilt was perhaps stronger than any guilt he'd felt about his relationship with Sakura to that point, perhaps stronger even than the guilt he'd felt when he'd looked into her anguished eyes from across her coffee table after the exam room, perhaps stronger even than the guilt he'd felt when he'd listened to her sobs as she clung to him after the first time they made love ...

The guilt he was feeling was perhaps the strongest because those two words reminded him that - for all his absenteeism, for all that Kakashi had argued to himself before he ever took the next step with Sakura - Sasuke did care about his family. He was distant, true … but he wasn't emotionless, and what Kakashi had been trying to do would hurt him …

So yes, there was guilt ... but it wasn't everything.

He opened his eyes and stared up at the leaves above him, trying to determine the appropriate name for what else he was feeling.

"Irritation," he supposed … the heavy guilt he was feeling was accompanied by more than a little irritation, because he suspected that Sasuke hadn't just been saying "Thank you" ...

While his former student may have matured over the years, a pure "Thank you" seemed uncharacteristic even for the Sasuke of now … Kakashi had no doubt that, on some level, Sasuke was actually grateful that his daughter had had a father figure to look up to, to train with, but he had trouble believing that Sasuke was really, truly okay with it ... that Sasuke - who until only a couple of weeks ago had given no indication that he wanted to come back to Konoha - could have outgrown his selfishness enough that gratitude was all he felt in response to learning that another man had essentially taken his place … Even a less solipsistic father would have had difficulty not feeling some measure of jealousy, regardless of whether or not he knew the situation had been good for his daughter.

And Kakashi was very familiar with how difficult it could be to keep the way you actually felt in line with the way you knew you were supposed to feel … he'd experienced it himself minutes earlier when, for a brief moment, he'd wanted to hurt Sasuke simply because the dark-haired man was married to the woman he loved.

Yes, he knew that it wasn't Sasuke's fault, just as he knew that he cared for Sasuke, saw himself in the younger man in many ways, wanted the best for him. And he knew that he should be glad that his troubled former student was finally staying, finally trying to make himself and his wife and his daughter happy.

But knowing all that didn't stop Kakashi from feeling pain and jealousy and then wanting irrationally to project that pain and jealousy onto the man who had everything he coveted - Sakura, Sarada-chan, a family ... particularly when that man had so easily left it all behind for over a decade.

Even knowing that he could understand and partially empathize with Sasuke's struggles didn't stop him from feeling, in the recesses of his heart - no matter how much he tried to ignore it - that Sasuke didn't deserve what he had if he had continued to abandon it when he no longer had a real reason to do so.

No, Kakashi couldn't bring himself to believe that that Sasuke, the one who had stayed away from his family out of what could really only be interpreted as selfishness, was capable of thanking another man for playing the father figure to his daughter and having it mean just that, just "thank you" ...

In the end, it was likely that Sasuke's primary intention had not been to convey gratitude but to indicate to Kakashi that he was no longer needed, that now that her real father was back, he didn't have to train her anymore ...

"Thank you, but I've got it covered now … you can go back to your reading or whatever it is you do," was what Sasuke had really been saying.

And it irritated the hell out of him … Kakashi and Sarada had built a relationship with each other over the last few months, one that had given her a guiding adult male presence in her life that she hadn't truly had before, one that was easy-going but also helped her to grow as a ninja, one that made her feel comfortable enough to go to him with her problems …

There was no reason why he couldn't continue to train her periodically if she wanted him to.

With a sigh, he pulled out his book in anticipation of the approaching chakra signature of the girl in question.

Really, it didn't matter how guilty or how irritated he felt, and it didn't matter what Sasuke meant by his "Thank you" … Kakashi wasn't going to refuse Sarada-chan if she asked him to train her or stalked him down so that she could vent to someone she trusted - the last thing she needed was another father figure abandoning her, and for all the many faults Kakashi had, abandoning people he cared about wasn't one of them.


A minute later, his thoughts were interrupted by a small girl jumping up to join him on the branch.

"Found you!" she declared.

The smile that was spread across her face was undeniably triumphant, and she had a glint in her eye that was reminiscent of a victorious Sakura, but Kakashi made himself suppress his memories about the woman he loved and adopted a surprised expression instead, then frowned. "You must have cheated," he remarked before closing his book and tucking it into his pocket.

Sarada shook her head. "I didn't!" she stated firmly, then looked at him curiously. "Why'd you throw that kunai?"

Although he was sighing at Sasuke internally, Kakashi outwardly met the girl's questioning gaze with a blank one of his own and lazily shrugged a shoulder. "It slipped," he answered disinterestedly.

Sarada crossed her arms and raised a disbelieving eyebrow in his direction. "How'd it end up perfectly in the middle of the post if it 'slipped'?" she demanded.

Kakashi put a finger to his mouth and lifted his eyes upward as if thinking. "Well ... even my mistakes are awesome, I suppose," he hummed finally, then smiled his usual smile at the dark-haired genin.

Sarada made a valiant effort to conceal it, but Kakashi could tell that she wanted to laugh, and he deepened his eye-crinkle until she finally let out a snort and rolled her eyes. "You're so full of it," she accused, a grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Anyway, I found you."

Kakashi nodded in agreement. "Yes, you did … how about my clones?"

Sarada turned her head to the side. "I'm still working on that," she grumbled, her cheeks tinted pink.

Retrieving his book, Kakashi sat down and rested his back against the tree. "Ah," he said cheerfully. "I'll just wait here then. I have some reading to catch up on anyway."

With that, he opened to the page he'd left off on and held the book up to his nose, pretending to read and pointedly ignoring the genin in front of him.

After a moment, he heard Sarada huff, and then she hopped out of the tree and went off in search of his clones.

Smiling softly as her chakra signature drew farther away, Kakashi decided that, guilt or no guilt, he wasn't going to let Sasuke destroy the bond that he and Sarada-chan had developed … his former student was just going to have to learn to live with one of the consequences of his extended absence from his daughter's life.


That evening, Sakura looked up from her paperwork as her daughter slumped dejectedly onto the couch across from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, setting her file down on the coffee table.

"I couldn't find them all," Sarada mumbled, staring down at her hands.

Sakura tilted her head, confused. "All of what?"

"Kakashi-sama's clones," her daughter replied, sounding demoralized.

"Ah … Well …" Sakura began, unsure what to say. "How many did you find?"

"Five … plus Kakashi-sama," Sarada said, then slouched even further into the cushions. "But there were ten clones …"

"Five's a lot when you're talking about a legendary ninja … and you found the real one too, right?" Sakura pointed out.

Her daughter appeared to brighten up a little bit at that ... only to frown again a second later. "But he said he'd only treat me to dinner if I found all of them …"

Sakura smiled comfortingly. "I'm sure you'll find them all next time … and who knows? Maybe he'll treat you anyway if you work really hard."

Sarada looked unconvinced, and Sakura bit her lip, trying to come up with a way to make her daughter feel better. "Well, how about this …" she said after a minute. "I was thinking we could all go on a picnic tomorrow since I don't have to work."

At that, Sarada perked up. "With Kakashi-sama?"

The excitement that shone in her daughter's eyes sent a stabbing pain through Sakura's chest, but she kept it hidden. "No …" she replied hesitantly. "I meant with your dad."

Though Sarada managed to disguise it almost immediately, Sakura saw the brief flash of disappointment that washed over her face. "You don't think that will be fun?" she asked gently.

Her daughter looked startled, and then she frantically gestured in the negative. "No, no … It'll be fun," she agreed with a fake smile, clearly placating.

Sakura sighed. "But ...?"

Her hands dropping, the dark-haired girl turned her eyes away and didn't say anything for a moment. "I just kinda miss eating with Kakashi-sama …" she explained quietly.

Sakura's surprise overshadowed the aching she felt at the mention of the way things used to be … she hadn't realized that Sarada had been that invested in Kakashi.

Maybe she would be okay with it … Inner Sakura suggested unhelpfully, causing Sakura's heart to twist.

Shut up, she growled, and thankfully, her inner self decided to listen for once, because she didn't think she'd be able to handle more thoughts like that while attempting to comfort her daughter ...

With an understanding look, Sakura leaned forward so she was closer to Sarada. "I do too," she admitted reluctantly, hoping that the true depth of her sadness didn't show through. "But your dad just got back, so we should try to get to know each other a little better …"

Her daughter sighed. "I know ..."

Sakura couldn't help but echo the girl's sigh. "Sarada, I know this is all new for you, and you probably don't feel very comfortable around your dad yet, but you will," she said optimistically. "You've been training together, and we'll go on picnics and do the things that families do, and before you know it, it will be like he's always been here."

Sarada instantly frowned, and Sakura could feel the mood in the air change abruptly even before her daughter opened her mouth.

"How can it be like he's always been here?" Sarada cried incredulously. "… ever? He hasn't been here!" As she spoke, her pitch climbed in register, and then she was on her feet with her fists clenched at her sides. "He just came home all of sudden and he expects us to act like - like it's normal or something …"

She glared at her mother, almost daring her to respond as tears began to form in her eyes. When Sakura, rendered speechless at the unexpectedness of her daughter's outburst, didn't - couldn't - say anything, Sarada shook her head in angry frustration. "Well, it's not normal," she argued. "And it never will be!"

Still rooted in place, Sakura could only watch as Sarada stomped down the hall to her bedroom, growling. "I hate him!" she shouted. "I hate him, and I don't want to go on some stupid picnic!"

The thud of the slamming door made Sakura flinch, and when she turned away from the now-empty hallway, she saw that Sasuke had just stepped inside the house, having returned from visiting Naruto.

Her heart automatically dropped into her stomach … from the studied blankness of his face, she could tell that he'd heard at least part of what their daughter had said, and she could only imagine what he must have been feeling.

"Sasuke …" she whispered, standing and moving toward him, her hand outstretched. "She doesn't mean it … she's just upset … it's a big change -"

The look he gave her stopped her in her tracks. "I know," he murmured, then walked straight past her into their bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaving Sakura alone in an almost deafening silence.

She didn't know what to do ... she wasn't even sure what the hell had just happened, what had made Sarada go off like that - she'd thought that her daughter had been overjoyed that her father had come back.

Her chest ached. Sarada …

Forcing herself out of her shock, Sakura made her way to the girl's bedroom door. After listening for a moment, she knocked quietly. "Sarada?" she called, her voice soft. "Sarada, it's me …"

"Go away!" was the angry yell she received in response, and Sakura flinched again… They'd had arguments before, but this was the first time that Sarada had shut her out like this.

It hurt.

"Sarada, let me in," Sakura nearly pleaded, only to hear the thump of a pillow hitting the door.

"Go away!" her daughter repeated, her voice cracking. "I don't want to talk to you! I hate you too!"

With those four little words, Sakura was struck with a pain like she'd never felt, an almost crippling pain, and she let her hand fall limply to her side. What was she supposed to do? What did you do when your child told you she hated you?

Tears forming unbidden in her eyes, Sakura glanced down the hall to her bedroom, wondering if she should go to her husband.

But then she remembered the look in his eyes as he'd walked past her, and the heaviness in her heart grew as she realized that she didn't really want to go to him ... she wanted him to feel better, but she didn't know how to help him, especially when he so obviously didn't want her to, and after what Sarada had said to her, she didn't think she'd be of much use even if she did know how, even if he would let her …

The pain deepened, and all she could think anymore was that she wanted Kakashi.

She wanted the comfort that he gave her just by being him, by being there … She wanted him to hold her. She wanted to tell him what had happened and have him help her figure out what to do, how to fix it … like he always had.

She wanted him to look at her with those deep grey eyes and hold her cheeks with his large, rough hands and make her feel like everything was going to be okay ...

Suddenly overwhelmed by her sadness and her need to see him, Sakura was slipping on her shoes and stepping out onto the porch and forming a seal before she could think better of it, and a moment later, she was standing in front of the door to Kakashi's apartment, her knuckles frozen an inch from the painted wood.

What was she doing? She couldn't do this … she couldn't go to him now ...

But then she was knocking anyway, and she heard him moving, and when he opened the door, his unmasked face was full of surprise and concern.

"Sakura …" he said quietly, uncertainly.

The happiness that somehow broke through her pain at the sight of his handsome face, at the familiar sound of his voice again after what had seemed like ages terrified her, and she was torn between wanting to run to him and wanting to run away.

He seemed to notice her hesitation, because he reached out slowly to touch her arm as he repeated her name tenderly, worriedly. "Sakura … what's wrong?"

When his fingers met her skin, she couldn't stop her eyes from flooding with water, and she semi-consciously wrapped her hand around his and squeezed, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"She told me she hated me," was all she managed to get out before the tears began sliding down her cheeks.

Without saying anything, Kakashi immediately pulled her inside and into his arms, and she held him almost desperately as he closed the door behind her, then returned her hug, enveloping her with his body.

"Kakashi …" she cried into his chest as his grip tightened and he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Kakashi … she told me she hated me …"

He pressed her even closer to him. "It's okay," he whispered into her hair. "Sakura, it's okay …"

Even if she didn't believe him, his words and his presence and his touch and the way he smelled were like a balm, soothing her despair until it was more of a deep sadness, and she didn't fight him when he led her to his couch, didn't fight him when he sat her down on his lap, didn't fight him when he embraced her while she curled into him and felt like she had come home.


A/N: She may be a ninja and mature for her age, but Sarada's still a pre-teen, right?

Also, sorry for the delay on this one and not responding to reviews … life intervened this week, and then my muse was all, "No, you can't write this chapter until you sketch out a scene for a later chapter …" Fickle beasts, muses.