Bonnie, baby, I'm willing to sacrifice anything to make sure you find peace and happiness in life, and I truly believe that this is the way.
Just know I've always looked out for you.
I love you sweetie.
The tears flowed down Bonnie's cheeks reading Gram's handwriting and her final plea. The room seemed to be closing in all around her as she sat there watching the aftereffects of the visions play through along with the internal interrogation. Shane had told her when they were trying to free Silas from the tomb that only a descendant of Qetsiyah could lift the curse making the connection that day how powerful her own bloodline is. And she was well aware of the bond between the Gemini Coven and the Bennett witches from Kai but this – this was too much.
Time passed at a rapid speed sitting frozen and going through their entire relationship starting from that first initial and undeniably earth-shattering spark of a first impression. The very same effect that ignited Bonnie's dormant supernatural powers that progressed into unlocking so much more that's been buried within. Kai opened up her eyes and painted the world with abstract art; impalpable, romantic, and transcendental making it an experience she has never undergone before. Jeremy's love for her was conventional; sweet and mellow and very much based in reality while Kai's approach is more unorthodox and has pulled her in, holding her close in a vise-grip.
Through all of this Bonnie's feelings have progressed and felt everything that the book was describing incomparable to anything she's been through with a significant other and at some points during their relationship has almost felt out of her control, like they were meant to fall into place together. But if Qetsiyah's words hold true with any meaning then this is supposed to be how she feels, how the both of them feel, because they are destined to find one another with the help of The Red String of Fate. Which brings her back to the second half of her lineage's curse, tying together the original hex the Gemini's put on her.
To balance out the imprecation stating Qetsiyah and Silas' bloodlines will never be able to have a family with another supernatural entity, the eldest witch deflected it against a self-preservation spell of her own. This counteraction states that the Bennett will absorb the Gemini's energy growing stronger while simultaneously making her partner weaker, ultimately draining the entirety of the group's collective magic out of him. In doing so the other witch would eventually become a mortal, severing their bond to the clan. This phase comes in when the duo have fallen too deep and the threat of heartbreak beckons the Bennett as she is the one cursed against falling for another supernatural being; AKA Kai Parker, which could only mean one thing.
"I'm siphoning his magic…" she realized of loud, petrified.
The feeling of euphoria as Bonnie's body physically vibrated like an electric current as the windows exploded in Las Vegas' hotel suite fluttered into view along with the clear image of Kai sounding like he got the wind knocked out of him. Followed up by the next round the other night when they linked hands and could have sworn she felt his power influencing hers and read the anguish on his face. Did he know during either of those altercations what was actually going on? That they were actually up against a fate that was bathed in darkness with slivers of hopeful light peeking through?
'You are up against the dark forces of fate and it is unwise to mess around with it'
Bonnie's palm flew up to cover her mouth, heart sinking thinking back to the night of the Whitmore Carnival hearing the Russian fortune teller's ominous forewarning, that she was the danger surrounding Kai's life. Her pulse pounded in her ears and another tear cascaded down as what seemed to be random or unimportant blips of information in their relationship began trickling into place portraying an eerily vivid picture that matches the theme of this scrapbook to the letter. Not only that, but it appeared that she was on the very same path Gram's was taking with Kai's would-be Uncle, Jordan.
The other potential up-and-coming leader who of all people to fall for sank his hooks in her grandmother, whom, by the way Bonnie watched their story unfold firsthand, was head over heels for him as well. Their love was sincere, impassioned, but the threat of losing his Coven's magic because of it was too heavy a burden to bear. The Coven comes first, 'Coven over blood' she used to hear mocking his father but now the phrase struck her personally. Kai was willing to put his life on the line for sake of the Gemini's, for what he believes the whole point of him being put on this Earth was readying him for. Being the leader of the Gemini Coven means everything to him… everything.
Maybe that's why he kept this prominent discovery to himself, Bonnie thought bitterly rereading Qetsiyah's showdown with the clan. This book and all of its contents is outwardly Bennett-central, revolved around her family's lives over the centuries and is the lineage that had the initial curse cast against them prohibiting them from starting a family with other witches or supernatural partner. This story line begins and carries on through the generations of Bennett women – minus a few, like Abby who seemed to have a habit of abandoning her family and paranormal responsibilities long before she became Bonnie's mother. With the final thoughts being directed to her, possibly the one Bennett that could change everything, but she wasn't the only lineage attached to this curse.
Kai finding this first means he must have experienced everything she just underwent, witnessed his dad's twin fall for a Bennett and choose the Coven over her. He would have learned that Gram's had more to do with him being locked away in a supernatural Groundhog Day then he could have guessed and read her thoughts on what she thinks about the two of them and their potential future. Kai would have known all of this; that even through all of the horrific hurdles in their way there was still someone rooting for them, some miniscule glimmer of hope that they won't be like the rest – and he hid it from her.
If he agreed with Gram's side of reasoning he would have shown Bonnie this book and they could have leaned on each other, gone through everything that's flurrying around in both of their minds together and discuss as a couple what their plan of action should be. Then a thought flittered across her mind that has only appeared once before, the night of the merge. Given the ultimatum between choosing to save Bonnie or fight 'til the death to become the next coven leader Kai didn't hesitate or have any regrets about the path he chose, the path of power. She is also well aware that the loophole to this curse that Gram's is so in favor of will only work the Gemini's leader, and choosing her will mean shattering everything else in his life.
Kai would lose his powers along with every other Gemini member. They would no longer be connected as a Coven and all of the new and old friendships he's made along the way would be demolished along with their unity. Declaring his allegiance to Bonnie in this scenario would be the equivalent to costing him everything he's worked towards and believes in. While on the flipside siding with the Coven will seal their relationship to end in desolation, a state of complete emptiness and anguished misery. No matter which way she spun it Bonnie couldn't find a best case scenario that would benefit the both of them, the closest path to her happiness littered with egocentricity and insensitivity to all that would be taken away because of it.
Knowing there was only one thing to do, Bonnie picked up the book and its contents and brought it all downstairs setting it up on the coffee table and sat on the couch, waiting. Lost in a daydream she didn't hear the car pull into the driveway, only stirring herself free from the mental chains when she heard the squeak of the front door opening. Moving in a rush Kai walked straight past the living room off to the side and continued down the hall, calling out her name before backtracking to the living room.
"Hey," he chirped taking two strides into the room and froze mid-step, eye line flickering to the table.
"Hi."
The two stared at the other trying to read what they were thinking, where they should proceed from here, and how they're even going to begin. Kai's arms flexed with tension as his hands balled up in fists and face contorted flashing through a handful of emotions.
"How was your day?"
Bonnie laughed, surprised to hear the sound leave her lips and glanced back at the book. "Very eventful, and informational. You know for weeks I haven't been able to shake that you've been keeping something from me. Hiding it. I was starting to think I was going crazy being one of those overdramatic over-the-top girlfriends because I did a few somewhat unconventional things. Like snooping through your dorm room, for example, and when that wasn't enough I went to see your dad."
"What?"
"I couldn't understand why you would keep anything from me when you've always been the poster boy for openness and honesty and then I remembered the only time you've acted this way and been distant was in the prison world. You were hallucinating and having nightmares and isolating yourself and it was all because of Joshua getting into your head so I went there to tell him to stop and he –"she broke off, looking at the apprehension wash over Kai's features. "He told me you've been dreaming about killing me."
"That's not true," he quickly responded moving to the edge of the couch, "you just always ended up dying because of me. I couldn't protect you, or you were trying to save me, or my impulsiveness towards my dad resulted in the same terrible fate for you. But I was never trying to kill you; I couldn't do that to you even in my worst nightmares."
"Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't know what was going on or why it was happening and I didn't want to scare you telling you my subconscious is playing out these things with no leads as to why. I didn't want you to think I was slipping back into old habits when that's the farthest thing from my mind. After the last one I went to find my dad, like I told you, but I wasn't just there to get the linking spell off of you even though that was part of it. I went there for answers, but not before I went to Portland and burned the house down when I couldn't find them on my own. That's when he told me he stole this ruse from his twin decades ago when he was dating Sheila."
"He told me that too."
Sighing Kai knelt at her side grabbing hold of one of her hands on her lap and gripped it tightly. "I still had no idea what I was looking for but hoped if something like this had already happened in the past then that must have meant there was some spell or potion I could take to make it stop. I came back here and searched and eventually found all of that stuff upstairs."
"And then?"
"And then…" he conceded, slumping his shoulders and dropped his head in defeat. "I hid it from you."
"Why?"
"Because I – I don't know," he stumbled over his words lifting his gaze back to hers, "I wanted to get more answers or leads or try and fix it somehow and you wouldn't have to know."
"Wouldn't have to know?" Bonnie repeated the phrase striking an unexpected nerve, "were you not planning on ever telling me?"
"Of course I was I just wasn't willing to yet. Not before I had new information to bring to you with it."
"Well this is all new information to me, Kai. Huge colossal information that you tried to keep from me and it all revolves around me. Around the both of us."
"I know."
"But you took it upon yourself to be the only one that got to know about the secret that dictates our entire relationship. Where we go from here and even how we got here in the first place."
"This has nothing to do with that."
"The hell it doesn't," she grated pushing to her feet with him half a second behind. "This is pretty much a manual telling me all of the things that I'm supposed to be feeling because we're cursed to find the other, fall for each other, and be the possible Saving Grace in all of this. But even if we can break it, it doesn't even matter anymore."
"Why not?"
"You know why," Bonnie retorted with barely contained vigor squinting at a pair of vulnerable and worried eyes.
"No I don't, but then again I don't see us having to break this thing to begin with. And I don't see this as a curse Bon, that would mean meeting you was supposed to be a negative when it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. You changed my life; you changed me, not this premonition dated back when Jesus was still walking around being a carpenter."
"The documents are updated through each generation showing how effective and true this curse really is. Not just the one placed on our families and coven but the one cast against Qetsiyah by a Gemini unwilling to let the Bennett's or Salvatore settle down with another witch. So even if what we felt was real it doesn't change the fact that after a certain point some inevitable catastrophe would happen to split us up so we don't upset the balance of nature."
"I don't believe that."
"How can you say that? When it's all written right here with hundreds of years' worth of stories as proof to back it up."
"Because I love you," Kai spoke with conviction, not wavering eye contact. "I'm in love with you Bonnie and I can't lose you. I won't. I don't care what the book says; it makes no difference to me. I need to be with you and you need me too. It's not a curse that we found each other. Maybe it really is fate but I'm not willing to risk losing you by believing in this folklore. And I don't want you to either."
"How can I not?" she sputtered, blindsided not only by his declaration but that he didn't believe in the veiled threat against their happiness. "The verification is right in front of our faces. You can either choose to stay with me and risk your powers and coven or walk away and –"
"Please don't finish that sentence," his voice dropped an octave and snaked an arm around her waist. "Bonnie there is no future I see without you in it."
An unexpected tear rolled down Bonnie's cheek, his brows drawing in as he wiped it away. "Stop it."
"I can't," Kai lamented barely audible pulling her in so close she could feel his breath against her face. "I can't lose you, and I can't destroy my Coven and lose my powers so I don't see why I have to choose. I've been managing both just fine so far."
"You've been having nightmares because the curse is trying to inform you that you're headed down a dead end street."
"It's not a curse that we met, Bon," he objected, visibly agitated. "Do you really think meeting me and everything we've been through together has been a curse in your life?"
Almost a years' worth of memories flooded to the surface. All of the time they spent in the prison world getting to know the other better, growing more comfortable and content with the other until they couldn't deny the immense chemistry any longer and physically acted on it. After that night in Salem where they essentially tore the room apart something changed between them, certainly within her, and it was appearing as if they couldn't stop from gravitating towards the other. Bonnie felt a need in place of what used to just be a want that only continued to grow when they made it back to present day.
Once they had arrived the spark that ignited in 1994 spread into a full blown forest fire and no matter what she tried the invisible tug drawing the two together always won out in the end. Bonnie had kept her walls up since the breakup with Jeremy but Kai had become at expert at climbing over them and knocking them down as his force pushed closer to her heart, inevitably reaching it and claiming it as his own. Once she let that final barrier drop Bonnie began to feel a love like she's never experienced before. Vastly immense from a familial and friendly love and even more intense than a first love, it was like finally finding the other half of her soul. When Kai was around things just felt right, like this was where she was always supposed to end up, this was her safe place. And that comfort never faltered, until now.
"No," Bonnie murmured looking to the ground as another tear splashed on her shoe, "but it doesn't change what we now know. Everything is different now."
"It doesn't have to be," he reasoned and slid his palms up to cup underneath her chin, lifting her head to his piercing gaze. "Nothing has to change."
"It does," she contradicted reaching up to press her hand against his and felt his grip tighten a fraction.
"No."
Lifting the corner of her mouth in an attempt at a weak smile Bonnie tried tugging herself out of his hold but he wouldn't budge, the uneasiness in his eyes kicking up a notch to dismay. Crushing his lips to hers Bonnie couldn't stop the mewl from crawling up her throat and into his mouth feeling his arms cage around her, immobilizing her. The kiss felt like static electricity shooting down her spine and legs to the tips of her curled toes and slammed her body against his fisting the material of his shirt on his back. The way Kai kissed her never failed to be coated in passion but this was something more, like he was deprived, desperate to feel her skin on his. Hear Bonnie's erratic heartbeat as it pulsated through her showing just how deep of a hold he has over her.
Kai wasn't too timid or modest to express exactly how he felt about her either as he pressed his hard shaft against her lower abdomen deepening the kiss. The room swayed as Bonnie's senses overwhelmed her hearing his husky breaths, feeling his rough hands grip her so tightly she thought she may bruise, taste the sweet cinnamon of his gum as she nibbled at his bottom lip, and smell the clean woodsy scent that she presumes by now is his natural scent. However, it was what she saw when her lids fluttered opened briefly and caught sight of the little metallic gold stuffed alien sitting in a chair on the other side of the room that snapped her out of the daze.
"Kai-"
"Don't, just kiss me," he pleaded with eyes still closed leaning back into her.
"I'm hurting you." The statement washed his features with confusion before murky blue irises peered back at her. "The Russian lady from the carnival was telling the truth. I'm the danger that surrounds your life. I'm not good for you. I – I hurt you, I've been siphoning your magic for I don't even know how long."
"I don't think it's quite that severe," he soothed, downplaying it most likely for her benefit and didn't budge when she tried to wiggle free, "you're not hurting me I feel fine."
"But you didn't the other night, did you? I saw it when I grabbed your hands. I felt something pass through me like electricity, like… magic and when I looked at you I could tell you were feeling the opposite end of it. I was siphoning your magic then, wasn't I?"
"I'm fine," Kai reiterated the same response, reading in between the lines.
"That's how you've been keeping this from me. You've been feeding me half-truths so you can justify that you've been lying to me."
"The only thing I lied to you about was having nightmares again because I didn't want to scare you. I've only known about this since last week when I went to see my father and it's not a lie if I withhold information it's just a pretty shitty thing to do. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away but I panicked."
"I'll bet," Bonnie sympathized imagining him staring down the same ultimatum he faced months ago.
"Not just because of my involvement in it but because of you too," he confessed loosening his hold enough to run his fingers along her spine, "I know you, I know the way you think and I'm freaking out that you might try and push me away. Every time I thought about telling you I imagined you breaking up with me and shutting me out and then I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt and I'd sort of feel like I was going to pass out until I saw you again. You have this insane unbreakable hold on me that no one's ever had and I have no idea what's going on or what I'm doing I just know I need you in my life."
"That's quite a declaration," she half-joked leaning out of his embrace needing physical distance from his formidable aura to be able to think straight and filled with uneasiness that he may be on the right track.
"You need me too even if you don't want to admit it out loud. You said that book is paralleled to how you feel about me which means I must be feeling the same things too. You once asked me how I felt about you when you're around as opposed to when you aren't and the two are like day and night now. You are the light in my life, Bon, the focal point of every thought. When you aren't around it's just darkness; colorless and boring. I miss you when you're in the next room and crave you when we're in the same vicinity. I'm crazy about you and I feel like I'm going crazy all the time. To me these all sound like very absurd yet common things that someone who's in love goes through but I'm still new to all of this so you'll have to help me out a bit."
"Kai-"
"No – just –"his eyes darted all over her face, imploring Bonnie to believe what he's saying and appease his trepidation, "please, have faith in us. Trust me. I wouldn't do anything to put you in jeopardy."
"I know," she concurred, Kai's exhale of relief pulling at her heartstrings. "Can I talk now?"
"Of course," he answered quickly and she straightened her spine and eased back a step, holding her ground.
"I'm not saying I'm making any decisions tonight as to where to go from here so I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I need the night to myself to take all of this in."
"Bon-"
"Please Kai this is all so much and I just found it all out while you've had almost a week to come to terms with everything so just, give me the night?"
"But I don't want to," he frowned; one of the very few she's seen him express and the sentiment tore at her insides, squeezing her arms around her torso. "I'll leave you alone tonight if that's what you want but can't I stay? I'll sleep on the couch."
"I'm not going to ask you to sleep on the couch when you have a perfectly good bed at your dorm and I won't be able to think knowing you're out here."
"I won't be able to stop thinking if I'm not."
Reaching his hand out for her Bonnie jerked back and didn't miss his brows rise caught off guard by her reaction but she knew if she felt his touch she would lose her edge. If Kai surrounded her with his heady presence and drew her in tonight, when she was feeling her most vulnerable and like she'd been sucker-punched by the Universe, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to stop herself from falling completely down the rabbit hole.
"I can't."
The words were barely audible and yet sounded deafening in the otherwise silent room. Before she chickened out Bonnie retreated to the other side of the room towards the front door, pulling it open.
"If I walk out that door that doesn't mean I'm walking away. Or letting you walk away. I told you before if you let me into your life then there's no getting rid of me and I meant it but I'll give you tonight if that's what you need."
"It is."
Dragging his feet closer Kai hovered in the doorframe, his burly mass taking up a decent portion of the space. "I'll see you in the morning?"
"I'll see you at school."
Dropping his gaze to the ground he shoved his hands in his front pockets and rocked back on his heels, blowing out a breath. Nodding to himself his head lifted locking eyes, the expression telling her this wasn't the end of them by a longshot, and leaned in kissing her forehead softly.
"Sweet dreams, Bon."
"Good night, Kai."
xx
"I hate to break it you Bon-Bon but this is not your best look," Caroline remarked with a wave over her appearance, looking over her jeans and baggy sweatshirt reaching up to adjust the messy bun.
"But still rocking the casual wear," Elena defended slurping up her drink through a straw, "even when you guys dress down you're matching."
Bonnie's head snapped in her friend's direction at the mention of Kai who she hadn't talked to since she watched him drive off the night before. After a restless sleep of tossing and turning she spent most of the early hours reading through the scrapbook from cover to cover making herself nauseous with worry. When she was able to pull her body off of the couch she changed into the first things she saw and started off her school day in a daze. Since her major is Fashion while his is Criminal Justice the two hardly crossed paths but Elena was Pre-Med putting her directly in line with his schedule.
"Well isn't that just loveable."
"'Adorbs' ," their comrade poked fun, "especially when he conked out and almost fell out of the lab chair during Chem, that was really something special."
"He fell asleep in class?"
"Yeah he looked awful, no offense. Had his hat down low and arms crossed the whole time and sat in the back. I wouldn't have even noticed he was sleeping if he didn't make the loudest sound ever when he rocked back too far and broke one of the beakers."
"What'd you do, keep him up all night with your sexcapades again?"
"Not quite," she murmured wiping the playful expressions off of both of their faces.
"Is everything okay between you two?"
Biting down on her bottom lip Bonnie pushed her food away and gazed out scanning the quad, heart banging around inside its ribcage spotting a few Gemini's crossing through. AnnaLynne bounced around animatedly with Michael acting as her hype man making the rest of the group crack up. Kai was the farthest away; one arm clutching the side of his backpack smiling with the rest of them but Bonnie could tell even from this distance that it wasn't meeting his eyes. Elena wasn't sugarcoating it either; he looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept all night.
"Bon?"
Tuning out her friends she watched as everyone minus Evan and Cody reached the other side, smirking when Anna was so lost in the story she backed up into the door before Kai could open it. It felt like her pupils were dilating with her vision going haywire and dropped her gaze pinching the bridge of her nose. By the time she looked back up they were already inside.
"You found it, didn't you?" chimed to her right. "What he's been hiding?"
Bonnie's non-response was sufficient enough for them.
"You did?!"
"What was it?"
"Was I right? Did he go to see his dad for you and proceed to full arsonist?"
"Close," Bonnie pushed down the lump in her throat, refusing to get emotional at school. "He started with the nightmares but burned down the house before he went to see Joshua. And it wasn't to get the spell taken off of me that was part of it but not why he actually went there."
"So…"
"He was looking for something to stop the dreams and he thought his dad had the solution but, he didn't."
"So where did he find it?"
"In my Gram's house," she concluded watching their expressions turn even more curious, "in the attic, under the floorboards."
"In Miss Sheila's magic hideaway?" Elena recalled, telling the two of them all about it the day she learned of it and nodded. "What was it?"
"It's a… really long story to get into and we have to part ways in a few minutes."
"So give us the condensed version."
"That's a little tough."
"Then let's just skip the rest of the day," Care suggested like it was common sense, "this is more important."
"It really isn't," Bonnie smiled internally grateful to her friend for the kind gesture. "I can just fill you guys in later."
"Not gonna happen if you don't tell me I'm going to have to ask your other half as soon as you walk away."
"And I can't skip Physics it's kind of an important one so please just tell us really fast."
"No but I kind of want her to give us the super long and drawn out version so I can feel like I was there."
"Caroline you're not helping."
"Ugh whatever give us the dumb short version so I can overanalyze it until you give me the real story."
"I really don't want-"Bonnie began and let out an irritated sound seeing she was just talking in circles. "Kai found an old scrapbook that is filled with my ancestors dating back to Qetsiyah. It's all about their love lives with mortals or witches because when Qetsiyah entombed Silas and anchored Amara to The Other Side the Gemini Coven intervened and cursed the Travelers so they couldn't congregate in groups. Then put an additional hex against the Bennett and Salvatore's-"
"What?" Staring at her friend brought forth an epiphany she hadn't even thought about, too absorbed in her own problems.
"Care… I've been so wrapped up in my head since last night I didn't think about the other lineage attached to this. The Salvatore's and the Bennett's are prohibited from starting a family and settling down with another supernatural being. If we don't marry into a mortal's bloodline the curse ensures it will end in suffering and loss and from all of the narratives I watched with my own eyes… it seems legitimate."
"What do you mean 'watched'?"
"There was a box under the floorboards too with a bunch of ingredients for an incantation to watch what was written down in your mind like a movie. Or a book. And every woman that loved someone with abilities got their heart broken while the few that chose human's lived out a long life with them."
"Were they all witches though? Maybe it's different for vampires."
"Emily Bennett was secretly in love with Katherine and she was the one who betrayed her to the Founder's Council. She was the cause of Emily being burned at the stake. I don't know what Stefan's lineage has been up against over the centuries but if it's similar to mine…" she trailed off.
"Both Stefan and Damon were in love with Katherine and look what happened to them. And not to add salt to the wound but something between Stefan and I changed when I was turned."
"But then you fell in love with Damon," Caroline disputed, stance defensive.
"Right which came with a whole slew of its own problems like the sire bond that didn't end well either. Our relationship is still pretty blank and what I do recall is spotty but I remember more of how we were before we started dating and proclaiming our love and it felt a little more, I don't know, natural?"
"But…"
"Caroline I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything yet I wasn't even thinking," Bonnie felt her heart sinking down deeper realizing this now puts Care's relationship with Stefan in jeopardy as well. "I was just focused on myself."
"No, don't, that's-"Caroline cleared her throat, "we're still talking about you, go on."
"Really Care-"
"Please I want to know what else happened," she deflected and Bonnie paused noting the angst reflecting back at her, understanding and continuing on.
"Well after that Qetsiyah took it one step farther and completed the Expression Triangle putting her own imprecation against the six Gemini families as an escape clause to break their spell. Basically they're doomed to fall for a Bennett witch – whether they want to or not, and once the relationship intensifies the counteract spell kicks in and I start siphoning his magic from him. Oh yeah, all of this time Kai's spent trying to harness his own magic and now here I am just draining it all out of him. If it happens to be the Gemini's leader that gets sucked in then they supposedly have the chance to break both hexes making it possible to be together but doing so would sever the link between the coven and they would all lose their powers."
"Are you sure? Maybe it meant they lose their connection as a group but still get to keep their individual magic."
"That's not the way it sounded like Qetsiyah meant but, yeah, maybe."
"If that's true then that's a good thing, right? Then he can make a stand and devote himself to you and then he doesn't have to worry about being a leader anymore but can still keep his magic."
"I don't think it'll work out like that but even if it is true and that's the best case scenario, I don't know if I could do it."
"You wouldn't be doing it though, Kai would."
"Yeah but I would be asking him to choose me over the Coven, over his family… I can't do that."
"So then what are you saying?" The question brought unexpected tears flooding to her lids. "Oh, Bonnie."
"I don't know what to do."
"Well what – oh, you mean breaking up with him?" Care registered receiving a cold glare from their dark-haired companion.
"But what would that really solve? The curse would still be on your family, on Stefan and Damon's, and even Kai's. If you two are meant to be like it sounds then you won't be able to get over each other. That heartbreak alone-"
"Finally it's my turn to cut you off when you're about to go too far," Caroline beamed in triumph, "even though I agree but still I think we're all getting just a little too ahead of ourselves here. What happened when you confronted him about all of this?"
"He said he didn't tell me because he panicked, which I understand since it's a huge weight on his shoulders now but he said he was more freaked out wondering how I was going to react. He can't choose and doesn't see why he has to which is exactly what he told his dad over the phone when he kidnapped me." Sniffing back a sob that was threatening to break through Bonnie stood up needing to physically do something to keep from breaking down. "He's worried I'm going to shut him out and break up with him, and since Kai's given the impression that he's not going to sway one way or other I'm starting to get scared that he may be right."
"But I love you and Kai together," her friend semi-whined.
"Not helpful," Elena jabbed as they headed for the door, "and neither is that option. Why can't you just roll the dice and see how it goes?"
The answer closed around her throat expelling every ounce of oxygen from her lungs with it. Bonnie has worked strenuously and with diligence to keep a firm grasp on her feelings and emotions since the first night that Kai crawled into bed with her and has been in a losing battle ever since. Months went by denying she felt anything struggling against the virility that he exudes when she's near him until the energy was palpable, felt in the air all around them and couldn't continue on without acting on it. The desire and barely controllable emotions that followed was in a class by itself, unlike anything else.
When Kai was around it was like she couldn't catch her breath, his irresistible presence so fierce it made her fervent. Bonnie couldn't think about anything else besides him, he took up every inch of her head and heart and that influence over her was terrifying and completely new, and foreign. In addition to that when they are apart it's like not being able to breathe progressing into a full-fledged panic attack. Racing heart, chest pains, and a sense of impending doom lingers around every corner paired with feeling an utter loss of control and unable to steer in any direction until she sees Kai again, gravitating towards him.
Rolling the dice in this situation means putting Bonnie's heart on the line – exposed and at risk to be crushed and cast aside, left in desolation, and unable to pick herself back up from the rubble. Standing back and doing nothing in another relationship and watching as her significant other chooses someone or something else over her was a feat she couldn't live through again. She wouldn't. One encounter knowing she wasn't good enough, or just enough was gut-wrenching enough with Jeremy and Kai has already shown his cards once before and her mind filled with dread grasping how much more invested she's become since he merged.
"I can't go through it again."
Caroline and Elena were quiet for a few moments, registering the hidden meaning behind the statement and both seeming at a loss on how to respond. There was nothing they could say to appease her mind, anyway.
"He isn't my brother, Bonnie. For all the right and wrong reasons," she quipped trying to lighten the mood.
"He loves you," Care murmured in a small voice scanning over her, scrutinizing.
"I know."
"And you love him," she persisted with a knowing regard, crossing her arms when the silence ticked on. "You still can't say it, can you? Why? I mean after all of this, wouldn't it feel better to say it out loud?"
Bonnie ran through half a dozen logical scenarios she was going to have to choose and the other half that could be chosen for her and in none of them did she see admitting her true unguarded devotion to him as beneficial. It would only be digging the knife in deeper in both of their hearts.
"No."
The revelation came as a rude awakening to her and the girls shocked faces, knowing in her inmost hearty that the statement solidifies what her course of action truly has to be. And that she'll be the one to make the first move.
