Okay, this chapter? A total filler. And it took me forever to type it up. The week had been...intense. And boring at the same time. I almost didn't put it up in time, but well, a deadline is a deadline.

Enjoy!


Chapter 53


Magazines have always held a certain fascination for Meredith. The glossy pages, the happy families portrayed there, the stuff she knew she'd never have. She would spend hours pouring over the toy magazines they sometimes sent at her house, studying every scene and every item in the pages, circling the best ones, making a list for a Santa Claus she knew would not come. If he did, he never brought the stuff in her list.

She was seven when she stopped believing in Santa.

Now, sifting through pages and pages of candy-colored decorations and anything required for a fancy party, Meredith felt the same sense of loss and desperation she had when she discovered that Santa was in fact her nanny.

"There, all clean."

Carolyn's voice distracted her for a moment, and she was relieved she had the older woman to bounce ideas around. She has wondered for days how to plan the perfect party for Zola, and now it all seemed to blend in an overwhelming mess she had no clue how to sort through.

"Is she still gaining weight?" Meredith smiled warmly at the sight of Carolyn holding her daughter so gently, Evelyn cooing and making bubbles as she rested snugly against her bosom.

"Yes, she is. I told you not to worry." Carolyn smiled smugly, then held out Evelyn for Meredith.

Meredith welcomed her daughter in her arms, placing a long kiss on top of her head, breathing in the fresh smell of baby powder, letting the feeling of ineptitude dissolve slowly.

"Where's Zola?" Carolyn asked, looking around puzzled. Of course, Zola had been eating breakfast when she left to change Evelyn, and now she was nowhere to be found, despite she could hear her distant voice.

"Playroom. She's reading to herself." Meredith pointed to the baby monitor on the counter, and Carolyn smirked.

"That girl loves her books."

"She does." Meredith confirmed, beaming. She was raising a reader apparently, and she was really proud every time she asked for more books instead of a new game to play on their tablet.

"I can just see her in high school, carrying around a stack of novels and wearing cute little glasses." Carolyn shook her head, grinning. "Derek liked books too, I remember. He read a lot, for being a boy."

"I was a little bookworm too, but I lost myself on the way. Probably high school." Pink hair and being a nerd didn't really go well together, neither did the tequila.

"Well, Derek met Mark." Carolyn smirked, and it was enough for Meredith to understand how the story went from there. She rubbed her hand over Evelyn's back, glancing at the magazine spread open on the table. Meredith sighed then, her smile dissolving.

She hesitated, glancing at Carolyn busying herself with a cup of coffee, biting her lip to let the one request she wanted to make spill from her lips. She could organize a birthday party for seven three-year-old kids alone, she was a board certified surgeon, for God's sake!

"Do you have any idea how to throw a party?"

The question spilled from her lips uncontrolled, and she blamed Evelyn, being too cute and distracting as she made her sweet little sounds, and smacked her little hands against her breast.

"For Zola?"

Meredith made a face, knowing that the damage had been done. She might as well benefit from it now. "Yeah, I figured, you know, since you have four daughters, maybe..."

"Well, I know a thing or two about parties, but I'm sure now things have changed. In my time we used to do these things at home, make some food, organize a few games for the kids, then have a spot for the adults to mingle as well. I mean, not when they are older, when they are five or six they already don't want their parents around, but when I organized the girls' third birthdays, parents were there."

"Parents," Meredith sighed. "Derek can take care of that, they're all kids from the daycare, we work with them on a daily basis, but I don't have much contact with them beyond the hospital."

"Good. Maybe you can do it outside the house, if you don't feel comfortable inviting these people over. I mean, now Morgan, Nancy's third, wanted a bouncing castle for her birthday, and they went to a fair where they had one, but it was so..."

"Impersonal?"

"Yeah." Carolyn grinned.

"I wanted to do something nice by myself for Zola, especially now that I am around full time and I have time to plan it, organize the details, -"

"Clean up." Carolyn laughed, and Meredith knew there was a story behind that. She decided to ignore it, though. Carolyn would divulge if she wanted to. Go straight to the point, now.

"I don't want Zola to feel second best. I need to pay more attention to Evelyn obviously, spend more time with her, but I don't want Zola to think that she's not as loved as she was before, maybe even more."

"Hence the walks in the morning."

"Yeah. Mommy and me time so we can both keep in shape?" Meredith laughed, her smile remaining on her lips as she listened through the monitor to Zola giggle at her own story.

"It's great. I loved to spend one-on-one time with the kids, but I rarely had time, especially after Michael passed. There were just so many things to worry about..." Carolyn sighed. "When Derek was in middle school, Kathleen, Nancy and Lizzie had to share a desk in their rooms. Lizzie bunked with Amy, so it was easier for her, but Kate and Nance always argued over the space. It got so bad once that Derek offered the desk in his room to Kate, because it was bigger and he still didn't need it much."

"Typical Derek," Meredith grinned, knowing her husband.

"I got to spend a lot of time with him this way, because he ended up studying in the kitchen, where I was usually making dinner, or cakes."

"That's why he always snatched a piece of cake right after Izzie had baked them." Carolyn stared at her puzzled. "Izzie, my old roommate, she used to bake a lot when she was stressed. We were interns, we were perpetually stressed." Meredith giggled. "Derek never helped himself to any thing, unless she had just taken it out of the oven. Muffins and cookies especially."

"He did?" Carolyn asked, surprised, her gaze softening.

"I guess it was his own way to miss you back home."

Carolyn smiled sadly, but there was love buried deep under. "Okay, let's go back to the party. Do you have a theme?"

"I guess I wanted to organize something perfect to do in the afternoon, using as a theme a cartoon that Zola adores, for example or anything along these lines. She's pretty keen on Monsters, inc. this month."

"Sounds good. How many kids are going to attend?"

"Six, plus Zola. I'm not sure, if they can all come, though."

"Well, you can always ask Derek to check with their parents." Carolyn laughed, and so did Meredith.

"Oh my gosh, I have the perfect idea!" Meredith piped up, her eyes shining in excitement.

Carolyn listened patiently to the whole proposal, giving her input and smoothing out the clunkiest details, so that in an hour they had the perfect birthday party planned out to the finest details. Now they only needed the missing supplies, and a dress for Evvie.

"It's too soon for invitations?" Meredith asked, on a roll. She was scribbling notes like crazy on a pad, not wanting to forget anything.

"Maybe something simple, like a picture and the address, Zola's signature, -"

"A map." Meredith laughed, and Carolyn joined her. "Zola can't write her name yet, but she can totally scribble gibberish."

"See, perfect." Carolyn chortled, watching how invested Meredith was in all this. She had to be honest, when she first met Meredith, she knew she would be perfect for Derek, but she couldn't see her as a mother. It was like she always hid behind a wall of coldness and self confidence, too thick for a child to break down. Clearly, Derek had found a way to breach it, and Zola had demolished it for good. Now the role of mother planning a party for her daughter suited her perfectly.

"I'll scrape up my non-existent artistic talents and see if I can pull off something decent." Meredith sighed. "We need to go shopping now."

"I can go buy all the stuff you need, don't worry."

"It's okay, I want to try and take Evelyn to her first outing, see if she breaks down in the middle of it or she loves clothes as much as Zola does." Meredith grinned, staring down at her now sleeping daughter. "You can definitely come along, though. Four eyes are better than my two."

Carolyn agreed, and as soon as clothes for Evvie were mentioned, Zola was jumping up and down in excitement as well.

They took a ferry to the city, and Evelyn kept dozing off in her carrier as Meredith held her snugly against her chest, Zola standing next to her and watching the water, while she babbled her ear off about anything on her mind. There was a crisp breeze on the deck, and Evelyn scrunched up her nose more than once, burying herself deeper in her mother's jacket, drifting in and out of sleep.

It didn't take long to reach Meredith's favorite store of children's apparel, and they immediately dove into the numerous aisles, carefully examining every rack to find the perfect outfit for Evelyn, who was not disturbed in the least as clothes were shuffled around and laid against her back to see if they fit. They settled for a short-sleeved pink sundress with gray polka dots, not too frilly, but pretty enough to be an upgrade from the bodysuit they usually put her in, and to top it off, it even had a cardigan, which considering the unpredictable weather, was a welcomed addition.

Zola of course begged for a new dress, and she would have been hell-bent on a fuchsia taffeta gown if Meredith didn't point out that for her first birthday she had worn something similar. So they compromised with a plain-cut dress with black and white bold stripes, a ribbon at the waist, and sparkling black flats. And Meredith had to admit, she looked adorable.

They also went shopping for party supplies, since they were in town, and Zola was delighted the whole time. Meredith hadn't pegged her to be the shopping type at first, but she seemed to enjoy the experience in bouts, when they had a purpose. Evelyn on the other hand, seemed unfazed, she was probably enjoying the fact that her mother kept bouncing her as she walked and the snug closeness she experienced the whole day. Not a day passed that confirmed Evelyn was a cuddler.

It was still relatively early when all their purchases had been gathered and loaded into the car, so Meredith decided to take a small detour. They had to wait for a moment in the car so Evelyn could nurse, but then, full and content, they could go everywhere.

"Daddy!" Zola squealed, as soon as she recognized the hospital's entrance.

"Zola, we don't know if Daddy has time to see us. He's at work, remember?" Carolyn reminded, a gentle smile on her face.

"We see Daddy, E-lyn!" Zola whispered to her sister half asleep in the car seat beside her, Meredith stretching a wide smile at that.

Zola all but leaped out of the car, jumping around with a hundred watt grin, squeezing Meredith's hand so tightly Carolyn was sure she saw the woman wince.

"Slow down," the older woman intimated, but Zola pretended not to hear her.

When they were safely in the hall, Meredith let go of her hand, knowing it was pointless restraining her at this point. As predicted, Zola propelled her little feet towards the nurses' station, where she grinned and begged the nurse at the desk for the location of her daddy, much to Meredith and Carolyn's amusement. The girl definitely knew how to stand her ground.

"Mama, Daddy gotsa surgeon!" She announced proudly. "O-rawr three." She grinned, lifting up her three fingers proudly, then her smile dimmed.

Meredith neared the desk where she recognized Francine, one of the most friendly nurses on the floor, and smiled at her.

"Dr. Shepherd had a craniotomy scheduled at five. I can call the OR to see how long he has left, but he must be nearly done at this point." Francine smiled friendly, watching with interest both Zola jumping up and down next to Meredith, and the head of full black hair barely peeking from the baby carrier.

"Thank you, Francine." Meredith smiled back, glad that the nurses loved her.

"How old is she now?" She pointed at the baby, and Meredith knew what was coming.

"She's almost five weeks old. We couldn't wish for a better baby." She replied, knowing that being kind would be enough to take her out of an awkward situation.

"Must be hard now that Dr. Shepherd is back to work."

Meredith wanted to roll her eyes at that, but she grinned and bore it. "We manage. I feel like I need to have three pairs of eyes, but luckily his mother is still in town." Meredith smiled softly, watching as Carolyn almost chased Zola through the hall, the girl still hyper apparently after the ice cream they had in the middle of the shopping trip.

"Mama!" Zola tugged at her hand insistently, and Meredith was grateful for the distraction. "Mommy! Momma!"

"We're going." Meredith huffed, a smile still on her lips. "I'll see you around, Francine."

"Have a good day, Dr. Grey!"

They moved to the waiting room with purpose, and almost as if they had timed it, Derek was already there, updating the family of the patient, the arms of an older woman wrapped tightly around him.

Derek's smile doubled as soon as he spotted Zola running towards him, and he barely had time to untangle from the old woman before Zola could crash into his legs giggling happily and shouting: "Daddy!"

His smile softened, as he settled her on his hip, letting her play with his scrub cap, her head firmly resting against his shoulder as he shook hands with the rest of the family, smiling proudly as they probably questioned Zola's presence.

Meredith waited aside, but the older woman was quick to spot her and send her a knowing grin, since Derek's eyes were fixated on her.

"What are you girls doing here?" Derek asked, as soon as he had ditched the family. He kissed his mother's cheek, then tickled Evelyn's feet peeking from the carrier, his lips finding Meredith's for a quick kiss.

"We were in the neighborhood. Buying party stuff." Meredith explained, buckling under his barely-there touch.

"I gotsa show Daddy the pwetty dwess!" Zola exclaimed, all excited.

"You bought a pretty dress?" Derek turned to Zola, his eyes showing huge pretended surprise.

Zola nodded, giggling happily in his arms. "It gots a bow!"

"I'm sure it's perfect for you."

"Evvie gots a dwess too! It's pink!" Zola bounced, making him groan and chuckle.

"Do you want to model them for me when I get home?" He laughed, squeezing her tightly.

"You no done?"

"No, I'm not done working, Lovebug." His smile almost disappeared at the mere thought.

"Oh," Zola sighed, her arms now wrapped tighter around his necks. "You done, pwlease."

"I can't come home just yet, you know how it works."

Derek sent a pleading look to Meredith, who sighed, rubbing Evelyn's back. It had happened more than once, when Zola was up to see Derek go to work in the morning, she would usually throw a fit or beg him to stay home. Derek was heartbroken at this point, but he had no idea how to fix this.

"Hey Zola, remember what we said about Daddy going to work so he can raise money, the money we use to buy us food and pretty dresses?" Zola made a face, but she seemed to be following the reasoning Meredith was trying to make.

"Daddy no surgeoning, like Mama."

Derek sat with Zola on his lap then, Meredith sitting next to him, Carolyn waiting beside them.

"You know, Mama is so special she gets to have all the leave she wants to take care of you and Evvie. I can't stay at home for so long." He sighed, and Zola frowned, her eyes filling with tears. "I would love to stay at home all day with you and Mama and Nana, do nothing together, but I can't."

"What do you say to a special day just you and your Daddy?" Meredith proposed, her eyes searching for Derek's in approval. He gave her a short nod.

"Now?" Zola perked up immediately, her whole body on alert and ready to scramble out of Derek's lap.

"Sometimes after your birthday, Daddy can't do it now."

"A whole wide day with my Daddy?" Zola echoed, still stunned a little at the proposal.

"A whole day." Derek agreed.

"We sleep in a bankets fort!" Zola's eyes were shining in excitement now, and she was literally bouncing in his lap. "We gonna eat fritos and pacakes all day!"

"Hey, slow down." Derek chuckled. "We can definitely do something fun, but we're gonna eat good stuff. Trust me." He winked at her. "And as for the fort of blankets, maybe we can sleep in the backyard and watch the stars." Derek continued, his turn to bounce her on his knees. "What do you think?"

"Cool Daddy!"

"We're gonna plan it together, then." He smirked, then went near her ear whispering loudly: "Let's not sat anything to Mama or she'll want to come with us and spoil our fun."

"Hey!" Meredith retorted playfully, and Zola giggled loudly, hiding her face into Derek's scrubs, so that she was practically snuggling into his arms.

"Thank you, Daddy." She said seriously, making all of them melt. "What 'bout Nana? She gonna keep Mama co'pany?"

"Yeah, she can keep Mama company."

"I'd be happy to." Carolyn agreed. "Mama and Evvie are going to be in good hands."

"Good." Zola nodded seriously, snuggling even deeper into Derek's arms, finally tiredness catching up with her.

"We should go now, let Daddy finish his workday, so he can come to us quicker and you two can snuggle."

Zola was reluctant to let go, but Derek whispered something in her ear that did it. She slowly untangled from him, then they both rose on their feet, Meredith and Carolyn following suit.

"Bye Pigeon." Derek whispered, his lips lowering to Evelyn's head, and making Meredith both giggle and tingle. He was smirking as he came up, his eyes sporting a dangerous twinkle, his lips joining with hers in a slow, slightly too heated kiss for a waiting room of a hospital, with their daughters so near them.

"More kissing tonight." He winked, pulling away and brushing Meredith's cheek with one last kiss.

He covered Zola's little giggling face in more kisses, then he took off, waving at them until he disappeared behind a corner.

That night, when he came home, he showed to each one of his girls how much he had missed them, reading to Zola for a whole hour and letting the girl doze off on his lap on the couch, then carrying her to bed. He also rocked Evelyn for a good twenty minutes after bottle-feeding her, whispering sweet nonsense and telling her all about his day as she tried to grab his nose and cooed happily at him.

At last, he joined Meredith in bed, and he crushed her in his embrace, breathing her in and simply holding her for a long while, time losing its connotations as they hugged in the darkness.

"Should I take an unpaid leave and stay home?" He whispered, his voice muffled by Meredith's hair as she rested her head on his chest, grateful for the closeness just as much as he was.

"You love surgery, Derek. Don't be silly."

"You're home."

"Because I'm a human cow." she giggled, and she could feel his smile. "I want to keep breastfeeding Evvie, and I can't do it regularly if I have surgeries that last a whole day."

"Still, -"

"We are surgeons Derek. You love the OR."

"I know. I just...it's quiet. I'm not used to quiet anymore. Heck,I love the cooing and the little chatters, the pitter-patter of little feet scrambling down the stairs, the noises of a cartoon in the background."

"I misssurgery sometimes, when Zola is taking a nap and I'm rocking Evelyn in the nursery. Some days I just want to leave them with your mother and snatch an appy from an unsuspecting resident. Doesn't mean I ditch them and go to the hospital."

Derek sighed, holding Meredith a little tighter. "I wish it could be simpler."

"It wouldn't be beautiful if it was. We'll find a balance. Maybe we have already found it. We'll need to adjust again when I'll go back, but we'll make it work."

"You promise?"

Meredith simply kissed him, and he knew that whatever might happen, they'd be doing it together, and it was enough to let him close his eyes and go to sleep.


So, nothing worth mentioning, apart from the fact that next chapter will involve lots of sugar, and that Derek misses his girls like crazy when he's at work.

I hope you enjoyed it, despite being a filler, and you won't go away because this chapter was just...this.

Thank you for reading!