Ok, Chapter 49. The Comedy Chapter of the series. Brings a bit of light back to the series between the previous dark storyline and 'Goodbye Sarah Jane Smith'. And, of course, though I think I've overused them more than the show itself, but comedy means Slitheen. Anyway, apart from that, enjoy!


Chapter 49 Carry On...Exploding Slitheen

The Next Morning – Steven's POV

I woke the morning after right up against the wall on my bed, smiling. I rolled over and put my arm over the sleeping form of Em next to me. I smiled again. Everything was right again. The Nightmare Man was finally defeated. And me and Em were as tight as we had ever been before.

I kissed her neck. "I love you" I whispered into her ear.

She rolled over. "I love you too" She said. "But we can't exactly...you know."

"And why not?" I asked. She nodded over towards the area near the window. "Oh, I forgot." There, on the camp bed, was Mum. I sighed. I'd forgotten the rest of what happened last night. Mum had had a bit too much to drink. And both me and Luke were both over the limit for driving. So, rather than ringing for a taxi to take mum to the hotel she had planned to book into for the night, we'd carried her back to my room and put her on the camp bed I'd set up for Em to start on. "Blimey, totally forget mum was here."

"Yeah" Em said, pulling the quilt up over her chest. I took a quick peek. Oh boy, she was in the nip. Then I realised. So was I. Oh, great!


Luke's POV

"So, there I was, face-to-face with these Nazi bully boys. And let them have it" Clyde boasted. He, Rani and Lily had been filling me in on what they had been doing. Turns out that on Wednesday, mum, Clyde and Rani had travelled to different time periods. Rani had told us about her trip to the Tower of London in 1553. Specifically, the 19th July 1553, the final day of the reign of Lady Jane Grey as Queen, and pretended to be her Lady-in-waiting. Meanwhile, Clyde had gone back to June 1941 and ended up preventing a Nazi plot on the South Coast. And Mum had gone to 1899. Except the item she was looking for was in fact in the present day in the house she was in back in 1899.

"Yeah" Lily sighed. "And while you got to help stop the Nazis winning the war, and you befriended Lady Jane, I was stuck in an antique shop with a parrot and his Shopkeeper pet." I had to chuckle at that. Turns out that the person they thought they were helping was in fact working for a Parrot. I couldn't help but picture the look on Clyde's face when they found that out. "And what are you laughing about?" She asked when she saw me.

"Nothing" I said, which earned me a pillow from Lily. "What was that for?"

"Nothing" She chuckled. I chucked the pillow back at her. And just clipped Rani as well. Well, that resulted in a massive pillow fight. All in good fun. It was just like the old days.


Steven's POV

The sound of giggles came from the room below as me and Em franticly tried to find our underwear from the night before. We had worked out that we hadn't...you know, slept together (In you know what way). We soon found what we were looking for and pulled them back on, which was lucky, because the noise coming from Luke's room had woken mum up. She sat up quickly, scaring both me and Em. We jumped apart and a red blush filled my cheeks. "Mum!" I exclaimed.

"What am I doing here?" She asked me. "And why are you two in your underwear?"

I groaned inwards. "I had to buy you that bottle of wine, didn't I?" I said, remembering that it was my own fault mum had got drunk last night. "You got plastered. You weren't in any fit state to drive. And neither were me or Luke. So, we brought you back here to sleep it off."

Mum looked at me. "And you only answered one of my questions" She said.

"We're in our pants" Em said. "Because we've only just got up ourselves. The noise woke us up."

Mum looked at us. She could usually tell if I was lying. But I don't think she knew that Em was lying, as she nodded. Sighing inside again, I wondered what Luke, Clyde, Rani and Lily were getting up to that could make that much noise.


Luke's POV

The pillow fight continued. Even over the banging from Sanjay. I was too happy to care that we'd woke him up. It was just like the old days. Or should I say the Bannerman Road days. The four of us joking on. All that was missing was Steven, Kim and Preeti laughing at (And sometimes getting involved in) our childish antics, and mum stood behind them shaking her head at us. And K9 trying to get us to stop. Well, at least that part was still true.

"Masters, Mistress" He powered up in the corner. "You must stop before you wake the whole building." Unfortunately, at that moment, Clyde threw one of the pillows at Rani, who ducked. The offending pillow hit K9 square on the nose, knocking his head down. He seemingly powered down. We all just chuckled. We were all having too much fun.


Steven's POV

Once me and Em had got dressed (Well, after I'd got dressed and gone and got Em's bags out of mum's car) and mum had fully come round, we decided to find out what in the world was going on in Luke's room. When we got down to the door to his corridor, half of the students in the building were stood in the doorway to the common room downstairs. Most likely complaining about the noise. Em quickly positioned herself between the stairs and the door as mum pulled out the sonic lipstick and aimed it at the lock. The lock clicked and I pushed the door open. We entered the corridor to find Sanjay banging on Luke's door. "Hey Sanjay" I called as the door shut. "What's going on?"

"I haven't a clue" He said. From the looks of him, the noise had woken him up. His hair was all over the place. "I was asleep and then all of a sudden there was this laughing and yelling coming through the walls. I keep knocking to tell them to be quiet but nothing."

"Well, we're going to find out" I said, reaching into the back pocket of my jeans to get the sonic pen. I zapped the lock on Luke's door. I pushed the door open to a scene I was all too familiar with. Luke, Clyde, Rani and Lily showing their childish side. They were having a pillow fight. Just like the old days. I couldn't help but start to chuckle at the scene. I wasn't the only one. Em and Sanjay both started as well. Mum just stood there, shaking her head. Like I said, just like the old days.


Meanwhile - a warehouse by the river – No One's POV

Hidden in the shadows, two large creatures were talking. One was on the short side, about the height of a normal human teenager. Indeed, he was standing around what seemed to be the skin of a normal human teenager. The other was tall, and dressed in the skin of a mafia boss, fat and balding. "Did you get the item?" He asked the other.

"No, I wasn't able to get in. The campus was full of students swarming about the building known as their Student Union Bar. As a result, I couldn't sneak in to the building. And if you want my opinion, we need to leave right now and abort the plot."

"And why's that?"

"Because Sarah Jane Smith is here."

"Oh. What is that infernal woman doing here?"

"Her pesky son and that Archetype of the Bane she has brought up are studying at the University."

"Oh, those pesky teenagers. How I'd love to destroy this planet for good. And we soon will be. The plan is going to go ahead. Go and get the matter compression. And then we will destroy Sarah Jane Smith once and for all!"

"For the glory of the Slitheen family." The pair began laughing. For they were Slitheen. And they were here for revenge.


Steven's POV

"I've missed you" I said. Me and Em were taking a stroll round campus. We had got away before mum had started reading Luke and the others the riot act. We had already called Kim and Preeti to come and save Clyde and Rani from mum's wrath. "I just wish you'd told me straight about...you know."

"I couldn't" Em said, snuggling into my shoulder. The first flakes of snow had fallen overnight, and from the look of the sky, more were getting ready to join them. "I didn't know who you were going to react."

"But the whole reason I reacted like that" I said. "Was because you didn't tell me straight away. I thought we would of all learned not to bottle things up after all that trouble with that thing." I pulled her in close. "If I'd known then, none of this would of happened." As we approached the Science block, I caught a shady figure hanging round the building. As he turned, I pulled Em into the bushes that lined the front of the building. "Keep quiet" I said. "What could he want?"

"Who?" Em asked. I nodded towards the shady figure, only to see that he had disappeared.

Then, I saw the door to the building close. "He's gone inside" I said. "What could he...?" I reached the door to hear a slow farting sound. "Oh boy."

"What in the world was that?" Em asked.

"Slitheen" I smiled. "Come on. I know exactly what it's after."

"What?"

"You'll see" I said, pulling out my phone and dialling a number. As soon as it was answered, I replied. "We've got Slitheen."


Luke's POV

"And you are supposed to be 17" Mum was reading me and Lily the riot act over the pillow fight. Clyde and Rani had dropped us in it, telling mum it had been me giggling at something that had set Lily off. So, while they had gone to get dressed (Clyde had gone into Sanjay's room and Rani into the bathroom), mum was giving me and Lily the traditional 'You're not three, you're mature teenagers' talk. Well, she would be if my phone hadn't suddenly gone off. "And you can turn that off for a start."

I checked the Caller ID and answered. "Steven" I said.

"We've got Slitheen" was the first thing he said. "Science block. I think it's after the Matter Compressor." And then he hung up.

"And what was that?" Mum challenged.

"Bet it was a girl" Lily teased.

"It was Steven" I replied. "There's a Slitheen on campus."

"How can he be so sure?" Mum asked.

"He didn't say. All he said was that there's a Matter Compressor in the Science block" I said. I was about to continue but mum cut in.

"A Matter Compressor?" Mum asked. I nodded. "Like the one they stole from the Pharos Institute?"

I nodded again. "The Science department have a partnership with the Institute. The Matter Compressor was one of the inventions they developed together."

"Right" Mum said. "Well then, get dressed. We need to get over there and stop them." She headed for the door before turning back to me. "Any vinegar in the kitchen?"


Steven's POV

We crept along the corridor in the Pharos Institute part for the building, following the disguised Slitheen. I don't think he realised that we were following him. We were keeping a close distant after all. We watched as he entered the storage cupboard.

As he did, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and checked the caller ID before answering. "Mum, where are you?" I asked.

"Outside" Mum replied. "Where are you?"

"Inside" I said. "We've followed him to the storage area. He's going for the compressor." As I spoke the Slitheen exited. "Oh boy, he's got it." As I spoke, he turned in our direction. "Oh hells bells. He's seen us."

"Oh bum" The Slitheen spoke in the voice of a Student I recognised. It was Matthew Kylie from the floor above. He'd gone missing a week after term started. Nobody knew where he was. Or what had happened to him. The Slitheen raised his arm. "I've been spotted."

I knew exactly what to do. I stepped out from behind the flowerpot that me and Em where hiding behind. Em followed me, blocking the corridor. "Stop right there" I said. The Slitheen ran straight at us. I held my ground, just like on the Rugby Pitch. However, the Slitheen barraged straight into me, knocking me into Em and we fell to the floor. He continued to run down the corridor. Em pushed me off her. I pulled myself up onto my feet. "Good job none of the rugby team or coaches were around to see that" I said. "Come on."


Luke's POV

"Steven" Mum was calling into her phone. She had rung Steven to find out where he was. And from what I'd heard, he was inside. And the Slitheen had just spotted him and Emily. And that was it. She had hit the loud speaker button by accident. "Nothing" She said, as Steven's voice boomed from the phone.

"We've lost it" He said. "It's heading outside."

"Right" Mum said, still a bit stunned. "Clyde's just gone to fine a bucket."

"There's one in the cupboard in my kitchen" Steven said. "And it's empty. Just make sure Mark and Nikki are out before filling it with vinegar."

"They are" I said. "Nikki's at work, and Mark's in the library. And Lisa's here with us."

"Right" Steven said. "We'll be with you in a minute." And he hung up.

"Right," Mum said "so, we've got a Slitheen, hiding in skin, with a Matter Compressor. Now, where do you think their hide-out will be?" She asked me.

"The old Warehouse district by the river" I said. "They're all abandoned. Just like the last time." As I said that, the door to the building opened and out came who I guessed was the Slitheen. Matthew Kylie. He was in the room above Steven. I say was, because he disappeared a week after classes started. Nobody had seen him since. Everyone was beginning to think that his disappearance was due to the bullying he had received during Fresher's week from the second and third year students. Well, that could still be the cover story mum will have to put out after all this. He ran away because of the bullying and he fell in the river and was washed out to sea. We'll have to find his insides (If the Slitheen have left them, and thinking like that has put me off my breakfast) and then put them into the river so that the story is believe. But for now, we had to stop the Slitheen. I popped up out of the bush. "Stop right there" I called. The Slitheen looked at me, smiled and then bolted in the opposite direction. "Stop" I called as we hurled out of the bush, almost colliding with Steven and Emily as they came out of the building. "Sorry" I said. "He's gone that way."

"Right" Steven said. "Where's Clyde?"

"I've just text him" Rani said from behind mum. "He's just go into your flat Steven. He's going to get everything sorted and meet us at the warehouse."

"Tell him to bang on my door" Lisa said. "Get my Luke up. And then the rest of the gang can meet us there."

"Right" Steven said. "Come on!"


Steven's POV

"There he is" I said as we chased the Slitheen through the Warehouse district. We had all split up, each group taking a different area of the district to herd the Slitheen towards their base. Mr Smith had located an energy spike coming from the central Warehouse. So, we assumed that was the Slitheen's base. "Come on!" I called to Luke, Em and Sanjay as we chased after it. "Mum, we've got him" I said into my phone.

"Right, meet you at the warehouse" Mum said before hanging up.


No One's POV

The young Slitheen entered the hide-out, still carrying the matter compressor. But he knew that he had to get rid of the stupid human skin if the infernal Sarah Jane Smith and her pesky teenagers weren't going to catch him. He reached to his forehead and began unzipping the skin zip. A blue light filled the corridor as the teenager Slitheen appeared. The Teenager Raxacoricofallapatorian was about 6 feet tall, not quite as big outwards as an adult but a bit fatter than a child of the species. He was still agile on their feet. He ran straight into the central control area. "Got it" He said.

The lead Adult Slitheen turned. "Callis Fel-Fotch Hangle-Day Slitheen! What are you doing out of your disguise?" He asked.

"They're following me Father" Callis said. "The Smith Women and her pesky kiddies."

"Oh goodie" The Adult Slitheen smiled as he too reached for his forehead. "Then I, Dram Fel-Fotch Hangle-Day Slitheen, will destroy Sarah Jane Smith. And then destroy this pitiful planet once and for all."


Steven's POV

We heard the chuckle and saw the blinding blue light as we crept along the corridor leading to the centre of the building. We had all regrouped outside the building after we'd chased him here. Slowly we entered the room and hide behind the barrels that lined the edge of the room.

"Father, should I pull the compressor in the machine?" The Slitheen that we had been chasing said. I could tell that he was the one we had been chasing due to the voice.

"Indeed Callis" The adult Slitheen said. "Go ahead. This is, after all, for you. For your return to Raxacoricofallapatorius. The end of our exile."

We took our chance. "I don't think so" Mum said as we stepped out into the open.

"Sarah Jane Smith! How predictable!" The adult Slitheen said.

"We prefer reliable" I said. I stepped out of Clyde's way. Clyde pointed the bucket straight at them. "Don't try anything funny, or you'll be sorry."

The two Slitheens laughed at us. "How are you going to defeat us with a bucket?"

"A Bucket full of vinegar" Clyde said.

"Make that two buckets" Kim said. Clyde had managed to get the second bucket out of Luke and Sanjay's cupboard and he and Kim had had a bit of a plan.

"So what" Callis chuckled. "You are pathetic little humans. No backbone."

"Wanna bet?" I said, as Kim and Clyde aimed the vinegar directly at the Slitheen's stomachs. It hit them direct. They began to shake and bubble. "Oh, not again. These are almost new."

"Oh bum" Callis said, as the father and son team exploded. Their remains blasted all over the warehouse, covering everyone in green alien slime.

"I hate Slitheen" I said.

Big Luke stepped up to stand beside me, wiping Slitheen remains from his hair and face. "And this is what you miss about being at Uni?" He asked me.

"Well, this is number 1 on the list of things I don't miss about my alien hunting life now I'm at Uni" I said.

"Why is it always me?" Clyde asked, before turning to me. "And what's number 2?"

I slapped him on the back. "Your jokes" I teased. "Right, come on. Let's all go get changed before you have to go."


A few hours later – Steven's POV

"I'll call you when we get back home" Mum said, as we finished packing her car so she, Clyde, Rani and Lily could get going. They had work to catch up on. Just as me and Luke did. Well, in mine and Luke's cases, it was just to finish them. Though I'm waiting until tomorrow. I don't want Slitheen stains all over my new shirt.

"Mum, there's no need" I said. "We're big boys now. Besides, you've got K9 telling you what we are doing. Well, once Luke's apologised for hitting him with a pillow this morning."

"I've already tried" Luke complained. "Besides, it was Clyde that threw it, not me."

"Oh really" mum said as Clyde mouthed 'Cheers'. "Well then, he can be the one that cleans Mr Smith's interior working on Friday night."

"Good idea" I said. I remember the time mum used that as my punishment after me and Tommy accidently broke the kitchen window by throwing the Rugby Ball. Well, it wasn't my fault. It was Tommy's. I threw the ball for him to catch and he missed it and it hit the window. And mum blamed me. I was grounded for a fortnight and had to pay mum back for the window repairs. In fact, I've only just finished playing her back. And it's been over five years since the incident. It was about three months after I found out about the aliens. Before Luke. Before Maria and Danielle. Before Clyde and Kim, and Rani and Preeti. And before Lily. Before all of them. When it was just me and mum stopping aliens in Ealing (And before the sliming days). How times have changed. "Right, go one. Get going or you'll hit all the traffic."

"What traffic?" Clyde moaned. "It's Saturday. No rush-hour."

"All the Civil Servants coming for their dinners with the heads of their old college" I said. "Trust me. 5pm on a Saturday, the roads round here are a nightmare."

"Right" Mum said, bundling Clyde into the back seat of the car, before Lily and Rani got in the other side. "I'll talk to you both later" She got into the car. Me and Luke stepped back to the pavement. Em came to stand next to me. I pulled her into a hug as we waved mum and the guys off.

I sighed. "What are you sighing for?" Em asked.

"Because this last week, it's felt like the old days" I said. "All us together again. Plus the addition of my Croydon mates. And Sanjay. It felt perfect. And now, it's over again. Back to just me, Luke, Lisa and Sanjay. And it's never going to be the same again."

"But you do still have me" Em answered. "I'm only up an hour up the road. You're not on your own."

"I know" I said, smiling. "Come on. It looks like snow."


Chapter 50 will be here next Thursday.

Please review and tell me what you think.

Cheers. Author formally called Kuyoyo