It was later that day and Pamela, Leslie, Lauren, Christy and I were at the modeling place. They were in the dressing room, sitting on the long white rectangular leather couches, eating snacks and drinking lemonade and water. I was sitting against the door in one of the white bathroom.
My film canister was lying on its side to my right. My arms were lined with cuts and track marks but there were still some open places.
I reached into my film canister and took out the razorblade.
As I cut I thought about things.
Over the past few days and weeks I'd not only started cutting but also started shooting up, thanks to the girl I'd met at the party, and having drunken sex with random guys. I never thought, after this summer, I'd be having sex. But when you're drunk, you don't think about those kind of things. Well. You don't think anyhow.
I'd spend the summer in California. Santa Monica, to be exact. Left right after middle school graduation. I knew something had changed but I wasn't sure what. Santa Monica had been bright, warm and sunny and seemed so far away right now.
My brother David drove me there and then returned back to Connecticut. He was the only one who knew what happened.
But now, a few months later, Pamela knew, and I think Christy suspected something. I never thought Pamela and I would end up being friends.......or more.
When we were little, Hannah, Nancy and I said we'd be friends forever. That had changed.
I hadn't seen Amanda at all. Back in middle school, she'd told us shed be going to the same high school we were all going to.
I never thought high school would be this hard. And it wasn't even winter break yet.
