"So please just give us another chance."
Lita didn't say anything for a while and John wasn't sure what she was thinking. He wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to know, but then she spoke up. "Leaving everything in the past is so much easier said than done. "She shook her head. "I do love you, I never stopped loving you no matter how hard I tried. I thought I would be able to do that with all the time that passed by, but that didn't happen. But I'm sorry, I can't do that again. I can't give you another chance to hurt me. I... I don't... I don't trust you."
The redhead immediately looked away from the brunette which was why she missed the hurt look present on his face, but she had a strong feeling it was there which was why she looked away in the first place.
"You don't trust me?" John asked, repeating her words. "I understand, but... sort of... I don't know. Is it just for one reason? I'm not saying that was a small thing, but... You don't trust me." He said once more with it coming out as more of a statement rather than a question.
Lita looked back up at John, shaking her head when she figured he was done talking and possibly a little surprised even though she felt like he should have kind of known that was coming. "No. It's not that I don't trust you completely. I guess in a way I don't trust you and in a way, I do. I trust you with Anthony and that's number one so I trust you with basically everything else. But..." She trailed off and shook her head, "not my heart. I don't trust you enough to not break my heart again. To not do something like that again or similar or anything really. That was really hard and I cannot handle that. Not again. Not from you."
"I understand. I get you and where you're coming from. But everything was so complicated back then- I was in a committed relationship both of those times." He was about to say more, but Lita couldn't help it and cut him off.
"Oh yea, I would call you telling me you would leave her for me then cheating on her twice very committing."
John sighed and nodded. "Yea, well, it... But... the point is that now I'm not in any sort of relationship and you're not either so everything is simpler now."
Lita shook her head. "Not for me. It's still... just... doesn't feel right. It's just... I... I don't know. With what you just told me about Mickie, her lying about her being pregnant and that stopped you from leaving her for me. Doesn't that feel like a sign? It feels like a sign to me. It is a sign that this... that we're not meant to be. That we're supposed to stay friends."
"You don't actually believe that, do you? I know you don't. You can't believe that."
"So much has happened. It feels like the universe is telling us 'no. Bad idea. Don't go there.' It feels like a-"
"A sign? A lot of things happen, that's just life. It doesn't make all of them a sign. Doesn't mean anything."
Lita ignored him and continued. "What about Mickie? What if she tires something regarding Mikayla again because you're with me? What if she tries to keep Mikayla away from you because she doesn't want her around me? I don't want to be responsible for that. And you still don't have the whole Mikayla and Anthony thing down. That's still kind of complicated."
John shook his head. "Don't do that. Don't use that as an excuse. Mickie won't do anything. If she wanted to keep Mikayla away from you, she would have already done that and she hasn't so she's not going to. And I got this down. Don't use this as an excuse. Just admit it. Admit that you're scared," that came out more as a statement than it did an answer. He could just see it in her eyes and by her words that she was scared.
The redhead nodded. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I mean, those things come in mind too, but I'm terrified. I'm terrified to let you back in, to jump right back into this because I really do not trust you. And trust is a very huge thing. No relationship can survive without that. I wish I didn't feel that way, I really do, but I can't help it and..." She trailed off. "I'm absolutely scared and I don't know the last time I felt this way. I hate it. It would be easier to forget everything and move on like nothing happened, but I cannot do that. You make me feel that way and I just... I can't. I'm sorry, I can't do this. Not right now."
"I'm not asking you to forget everything that happened in the past, just leave it there and let's move forward together. Live in the present, not in the past." Lita didn't say anything and looked very conflicted like she wanted to do as John was saying, but at the same time she didn't want to because she was still very hesitant and afraid.
John continued when he realized she wasn't going to speak up any time soon when she simply looked away and stared at the door in front of them. "You won't even give me a chance to prove to you that I will never hurt you again? I never wanted to do that and I'm sorry I did. I never want to do that again and I'm going to make sure I don't. I promise."
Lita shook her head as she looked back up at John. "You can't promise me that."
"I just did. And that's one promise I'm not going to break."
"John-" Whatever she was about to say was cut short when the man spoke up again.
"Lita, you can't just live in fear for the rest of your life. I am sorry for everything, but we need to and I know we can move past that. We both made some questionable decisions over the last couple of years," Lita knew he was also referring to her not telling him about Anthony when she should have, "but we cannot let what happened back then or even a few months ago to haunt us. You just have to go for it sometimes or you can very well end up regretting it. We don't know what life has in store for us. Anything can happen. Tomorrow or even an hour from now, for all we know, something could happen to me or-"
"Stop," Lita shook her head as she cut off John. "Please don't finish that. You're right, okay? About everything. But I cannot help the way I feel."
"But I can. I can change how you feel and I will. You don't trust me and I'm the only one who can help change that and I will. You need to trust me again not to hurt you, I get it, and you can do that."
Lita didn't say anything right away. She studied John's face for a while, trying to figure if she could really believe him. He did look sincere and she truly did want to believe him. She nodded. "Okay. I believe you, I really do." John didn't say anything right away because he had a feeling there was more. "I love you and I want to be with you, but I need time. I need time to be able to trust you again, to go back to us, to move on, and to just let the past stay behind us. I just cannot jump into this again. And what if we do, what's to say that's the right thing to do? I mean, it's been years since we were actually together. Things change. Who's to say it'll be that great again or anywhere near? Time probably isn't in our favor. We could be making a huge mistake." She had more she wanted to say but John interjected.
"Is it really worth not seeing where this can go because it could possibly be a mistake? It could also be great. Maybe it'll be a mistake not taking the risk. We won't find out unless we try."
Lita let out a sigh. "I know. I know. I'm not saying no, that I don't want to give you a chance again because I do. But I don't know if I can do that right now. I mean, it's going to take time for that to happen. Because it's going to take time to trust you again. It's going to take time to let you back in. It's going to take time and I need that time so I'm going to need you to give me that time."
"If it's time that you want, then you got it. I'm not going anywhere."
"You would wait for me? Like you would really wait for me? You would be okay with staying friends for now and letting me have my time?"
John nodded. "Of course. I let you go so easily years ago, but I'm not doing that again. I'm going to fight for you this time. I'm not going to force you or push you into this. I'm going to help you the way I can. I'm going to give you your time. I'm going to prove to you that you don't have to be scared anymore and can trust me. I'm going to be here when you're ready."
Lita didn't say anything in response for a moment, instead moving closer to John and leaning in for a hug with him returning the embrace. "Thank you. For understanding."
"I love you."
The redhead didn't say anything in response as the two stayed in one another's embrace. The two stayed that way for some more time while hoping and praying their relationship would work out this time around. That there wouldn't be too difficult obstacles to go through this time. They knew it would be a challenge like every other relationship, but John was optimistic even though Lita was still hesitant. He knew he would be able to gain her full trust again because he was determined. She really did hope she would be able to just move ahead and let the past just be that- the past- so she could go back to trusting John once more with her heart. Only time would tell.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for the reviews. Hope you liked the chapter. Tell me what you think, please and thanks. :)
I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it. I want to thank all of you for being awesome readers. Thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting this.
Just a FYI for those interested, there will be a short sequel. And by short I mean a one-shot. But it might end up working as the epilogue instead. We shall see.
Thanks for being awesome readers! :)
