Chapter 51

Ups and downs

Within the next week, the morning sickness lessened and Tonks dared to let the potions stay out of her eye's reach. Remus was less worried for now and left for 'Potter Watch' without any sign of regret. When he came home, he usually found Tonks breeding over some paperwork she had to bring from work, as every Auror in the office tried to toss theirs on her desk as well, seeing that she couldn't do anything else right now. Sighing, she sat there, rubbing her eyes, trying to concentrate on Dawlish's scrawled notes so she could make a report out of it. It upset her that now, all she could do was reading about other people's missions instead of doing anything on her own. But then again, she should probably think about taking another job anyway. Being a mother and risking one's life chasing dark wizards wasn't exactly the best combination. But Tonks didn't know what else to do with herself. Being an Auror had been all she'd ever dreamed of. She couldn't think of any other job she could do once the baby was born. Maybe she should talk about that with Remus or her Mum. Just as the thought crossed her mind, light foot steps approached and strong hands began massaging her shoulders.

"What have you been thinking about?"

Remus' voice always soothed her and right now, she was grateful for every distraction from her boring work.

"What I'm supposed to do once the baby is born. I mean, being an Auror isn't exactly the best job for a mother. Especially not in these times and not when the baby's just been born. But I can't figure out what to do with myself."

Thinking hard, Remus placed his chin on top of her head and hummed softly.

"Well, there has to be something you can do. I mean, I don't want to stop you from returning to your job if that's what you want, but you are right there, I think."

"I've put much thought into this, believe me. I'm convinced that it's best I retire from my job, at least in the near future. "

"How about another job in the ministry? Or you continue doing the paperwork?"

"Oh, come on, Remus. You know how much I hate paperwork. And I don't want to sit around all day, either. And with him in power, the ministry isn't safe, anyway."

"But what is? Maybe you could do something else? Ask Giovanni or the twins if they need someone?"

Tonks spun around on her chair so fast she almost caused Remus to fall over.

"Remus, that's brilliant! I mean, I'll have to do some paperwork, but that's hard to avoid. And it's the best compromise I've heard up until now."

"Not now, please. I don't want you to carry cartons full of firework when you're pregnant. When I think about it, it's probably better you don't carry anything comprehending firework no matter if you're pregnant or not."

"Git. And I won't have to carry anything. I'm a witch, if you please to remember. There are levitation spells."

"I don't know if that's safe with you, either."

Tonks glared at the huge mischievous grin on Remus' face.

"Well, if you're so content with yourself, you can sleep on the couch tonight."

Immediately, the grin disappeared.

"Dora, you know I didn't mean it that way. I'll make up for it."

With that, he gathered her in his arms, fell down on the chair and placed her on his lap, bringing his hands up to her tense shoulders again. Almost purring, Tonks leaned back against his chest.

"You wanted me to do that, right?"

"Of course. I'd never let you sleep on the couch, you know that."

Remus chuckled and covered her neck in soft little kisses. With a squeak she jumped off his lap. The death glare on her face could have matched Minerva McGonagall.

"Remus John Lupin, you know very damn well how ticklish I am at this very point! I've never thought you could stoop so low as to annoy your pregnant wife after a hard day full of boring paperwork. If that's how you cherish me you could have left with Harry just as well. And that after all I'm doing for you around full moon, I'd really expected more from you..."

Offended, Tonks turned her back to her husband and faced the wall.

"Dora, I'm sorry. I thought it'd relax you a bit. I promise I'll never do it again."

Completely distraught, he noticed that her small form was shaking with what he assumed were sobs.

"Dora, darling, I'm really sorry. Can I get you anything to make up for that?"

Careful, he turned her around only to find that tears of mirth were running down her cheeks as she desperately tried to suppress a roaring laughter. Her eyes twinkled impishly. Now it was Remus' turn to be huffy.

"Oh, really, you didn't buy that, did you?"

Tonks' voice was hardly audible as it was shaking with laughter. Instead of an answer, he responded by turning away from her as dignified as possible.

"Remus, stop being so overcritical with yourself. You didn't do anything wrong and by now you should know me well enough to give me credit for some humour at least."

"And you're really not upset?" He still faced the wall.

"Of course not. Why should I be upset? You meant well and it's nice to have a little fun while everything's so dark out there."

"And you're sure you're not upset? With all those pregnancy hormones you can never be sure..."

That was the last that was heard of Remus Lupin before he went down on the floor, becoming involved in the biggest tickle war of all times...

XxxxxxxxxX

A few days later, Remus came home from a particularly exhausting night. The 'Potter Watch' crew had almost been caught by Death Eaters as Lee Jordan had been about to reveal the latest password. They had been able to escape just in time, but now no one was sure if anyone would be able to hear the next show. Using an old password was dangerous, but they had to think of something most people would be able to figure out. Which shouldn't include any Death Eaters or spies. Remus had been given this task but he really didn't feel up to it right now. They would meet again in three days and he wasn't sure he would make it until then. Or that he would come up with anything worth listening to.

Sighing, he dropped his shoes in the hall and got rid off his cloak before he stumbled upstairs to look after Tonks. When he finally made it to their bedroom, she sat on their bed, back straight and a radiant beam on her face. Remus caught himself grinning back. He might feel down, but he could never resist Tonks' smile. Grateful, he leaned against the door frame and took in the sight that offered itself to him.

"So, what happened? Did you get a week off from paperwork?"

"Even better. I asked Giovanni for a job and he had one. I just resigned from the ministry."

Another grin crossed Remus' face.

"That's brilliant. Did you tell Minerva?"

"Not now. But, you know, I bet she'll understand. I wasn't of much use these last weeks, they were watching me too closely to let anything drop."

"It's all right, Dora. You don't have to feel guilty about it."

Tonks sighed and the smile on her face faltered a bit.

"Yes, I have. Not that I don't love our baby, but my timing is horrible. I would be more useful if I weren't pregnant. I mean, it's not as if we could afford losing a member."

She did her best not to cry, but one or two tears escaped nonetheless. Two long strides later, Remus was at her side, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Don't worry about that, love. No one is angry with you, except for yourself."

"You've been angry with me, too."

"No, I wasn't. I could never be angry with you. I was just surprised and you're right, the timing is not the best. But no one knows if we'll survive this war and if not now when else?"

"You're just saying this to make me feel better. You were angry. Because I hadn't been careful."

"I haven't been careful, either. It's not your fault, it's not a fault at all. I don't regret what we've done, Dora."

Surprised, she looked up at him.

"You're not?"

"No. Maybe in the beginning. But whatever this child will become, I'll love it with everything I'm worth, as I love you. As you said it, when it feels so right, it can hardly be wrong, right?"

"But that's different. I mean..."

"You're not useless, Dora. You should have seen Minerva's face when she learned about the child. I've never seen her so proud. Everyone's more cheerful. You were too busy to notice it yourself, but our child spreads hope wherever we go. And if we need anything in this uneven war, it's hope."

"I guess that's right, but still. Raising a child in times of war sounds so irresponsible..."

"Well, I never thought of Molly and Arthur as irresponsible, but if you put it that way..."

"Git."

With a content sigh, Tonks pressed herself against her husband, reveling in his comforting warmth. His hands rubbed gently up and down her sides and she felt herself relax, when suddenly she felt a sharp intake of breath. Immediately, her head jerked up.

"What is it, Remus?"

"Could you stand up for a minute, please?"

Confused, Tonks did as she was told. Another sharp intake of breath followed. Remus stared at her wide-eyed.

"Remus, are you all right?"

He didn't answer, instead he brought his hand back up to her stomach and let it wander downwards. Tonks stopped breathing altogether when she realised what he had been aiming at. There was a slight rotundity to her belly. She had started to show and hadn't even noticed it, although she had been waiting for it for weeks on end. Instantaneously, her eyes filled to the brim with tears of joy. She grabbed Remus' hand and practically jumped at him. He fell backwards onto their mattress, laughing as he hadn't done in years. Tonks landed on top of him and made herself at home on his chest, legs intertwined and feet still touching the floor – at least Remus' feet. Whenever he felt like he should stop laughing before he died of exhaustion, another strand of curly black hair tickled his nose and he just couldn't calm down. Tonks' pregnancy seemed so much more real all of a sudden. It had been there all along, but now everyone could see it. If that person looked pretty closely, that was. But still. She was his and she was carrying his child and everyone passing them would know. For the first time, Remus didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt about that. He was proud and happy and – let's face it – a bit possessive. But right then, he sensed that he was allowed to feel that way.

Tonks was laughing along with him. She laughed the sensation of placing her hand on her stomach and feeling that slight bump against it. She had been waiting for it since the day she had learned about her pregnancy. For every other reason, she'd have been upset to feel something between her and Remus that didn't allow her to come as close as possible. But a baby bump – even in its beginnings – was the only exception she could think of. Now she wouldn't have to explain anyone why Remus wouldn't let her carry anything remotely heavy or why she was doing nothing but paperwork or why she had just resigned from being an Auror. Everybody would see it. Everyone would know that she was having Remus' baby and she could walk by as proudly as she wanted. She couldn't wait for the next order meeting to show off a little.