"Thou villain Capulet, -Hold me not, let me go."- Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare


Never Let Me Go

Selene Asteria graduated Dux of her Hogwarts year. In the sixteen years since her graduation, she been a secretary and a model. Both these jobs were short-lived.

Selene paused and then wrote-

She is currently doing nothing. At 33 years of age, she is unmarried, with no children.

Selene grimaced as she read over the paragraph. It was physically painful for her to read just how pathetic her life's achievements were.

'I'm thirty-three,' she whispered, tugging at her dark hair. 'How? What have I been doing for the past sixteen years?'

She took a sharp intake of breath. 'Sixteen years,' she repeated. 'Sixteen bloody years!'

She stood up suddenly and began pacing the length of the library, frowning in concentration.

'Right,' she said practically. 'I can't keep waiting for Alphard to sort himself out. I need to be more forceful or leave him once and for all.'

But then she felt a tug in her chest at the thought of being alone, once again, and she then realised exactly why she had achieved so little since leaving school.

'Always alone,' she murmured, sinking into the armchair. 'Orphan.'

She stared out of the window at the gray sky and thought back to her visit to the orphanage, only a few nights ago. She had felt a very true connection to that girl- almost as though she saw herself in her. She smiled as a heartwarming idea came to her-

'I'll adopt her,' she said, her face lighting up.

And, as she imagined a home with that little girl, being her mother, she realised that was what she was missing—a child.

She bit her lip as she thought of what Alphard would say but then decided that if he refused, she would leave him and adopt the girl as a single mother. It was hugely unorthodox, but she didn't care. Neither would have to be alone, ever again.

Selene sat up as the candlelight on the desk flickered. Suddenly, there was the sound of the front door slamming from downstairs

'Alphie?' she called out.

He didn't respond, and so she hastily incinerated the parchment she had written on and walked down to the living room. She chewed her lip as she saw him, sitting in his armchair, looking pale and haggard.

'How… how was it?' she asked cautiously.

He laughed hollowly.

'It was a fucking funeral. How do you think it was?'

Selene wrung her hands behind her back and sat tentatively on the couch. She stiffened as he suddenly threw his tumbler of whiskey. For a moment, she thought he was throwing it at her. Instead, it smashed to hundreds of crystal shards in the fireplace.

She closed her eyes as he stood up and felt her throat constricting as she could smell the scent of cheap perfume and strange smoke on him.

'Where have you been?' she whispered.

'At my mother's funeral,' he said harshly as he walked over to the drink cabinet and poured out more whiskey in a fresh tumbler. 'Where do you fucking think I've been?'

Selene sat very still. She felt furious that she had wasted the past sixteen years of her life on someone who was behaving as Alphard was.

'Please don't drink anymore,' she said quietly.

'You're not my mother,' Alphard said angrily, swilling down the contents of his tumbler.

Selene could no longer contain her anger.

'But you never listened to her, either,' she shouted, standing up. 'You don't listen to anyone who says anything you don't want to hear! Your mother mayn't have wanted you to be with a muggleborn, but I know she wouldn't have wanted her son to end up a pathetic drunkard either.'

Alphard set down his tumbler and walked over to her, his eyes unfocused.

'What did you call me?' he whispered dangerously.

Selene took a step back and swallowed. She couldn't help feeling frightened.

'A drunkard,' she continued. 'You've always been on some substance or other, haven't you? It was Vice in school, opium when we finished… now you drink yourself into a stupor every evening. When…'

She let out a faint scream as he suddenly stepped forward and pulled her to him violently. She flinched as he leant forward and kissed her. It was wet and messy and Selene could taste the alcohol in it. She tried to pull away from him.

'You live in my house,' he said in a low voice. 'Don't tell me what to do.'

Selene pushed him away roughly.

'I can't do this,' she said, tears pricking her eyes. 'I've had enough.'

'You… you…'

Alphard trailed off, blinking slowly, before falling back on the couch. Selene looked at him in disgust as she he emitted a faint snore.

'It's over, Alphie,' she said angrily. 'It was over sixteen years ago, but I was too afraid to have no one else to counter Tom. I don't care anymore. I'm giving up on both of you. I've wasted sixteen years of my life, and yet you're both still the same.'

Shaking her head, she walked out of the room.


I need to see you. It's important.

Tom shook his head and continued to write his essay on blood purity.

I know you can hear me. Stop ignoring me.

He gripped his quill and the nib scratched squeakily as he pressed it harder against the parchment as he continued writing.

Tom

Suddenly, the nib broke and ink spilled all over the parchment. With an angry shout, he stood up suddenly, his chair crashing to the floor behind him.

The door to his study opened suddenly and Dolohov appeared, concerned.

'My Lord, are you alright?'

'I'm fine,' Tom spat venomously. 'Leave me!'

Dolohov hesitated for a moment, but then bowed hastily and shut the door behind him.

Tom ran a hand through his hair as he sunk down onto the couch.

Tom, I need to see you.

He stood up again, his face contorted in fury.

'But you never respond when I want to see you,' he thought angrily. 'It's only whenever it suits you.'

I'm sorry, Tom.

He screwed up his nose. He didn't like her apologising.

Meet me at the house in five minutes.

He glanced at the clock. Muttering oaths under his breath, he grabbed his cloak and wand and disapparated without another moment's hesitation.

The house was empty when he arrived but, true to her word, she arrived five minutes later.

He stood up, clenching his fists in his anticipation as he heard the clink of her heels through the front hall as she made her way to the dining room.

Part of him wanted to end his suffering once and for all. It was so easy to murder the others, yet muttering that one incantation to snuff her out seemed the most impossible thing in the world. And, as she walked through the door, it became very apparent to him why this was so.

It was her beauty. Not the beauty of her face and body, although they were beautiful, but the beauty of the pain of their life and loneliness, etched upon her face as she watched him with her unforgiving hazel eyes, that made her irresistible to him.

And that was when the other part of him took over. The part of him that wanted her to dominate him completely. For her to control him completely.

She took off her heavy cloak of blue velvet and tossed it on the couch. His eyes flickered down to her emerald green dress as she slowly walked up to him.

'You… you wanted to see me?' he said weakly.

She nodded, unsmiling.

'Yes. Sit.'

He shivered a little at her authoritative tone and sat on the armchair behind him.

'You're not going to try making any sense of what happens today,' she continued. 'It will never be spoken of again, do you understand?'

'What…'

'Sh,' she whispered, leaning forward and brushing his lips with hers as she hitched up her dress and straddled him.

His breathing came hard and fast now and he quickly licked his lips.

'Selene, what…'

She laughed darkly and kissed him again, this time more forcefully.

And then he lost any reservations and pulled her more closely to him as he fumbled for the buttons at the back of her dress.

'Just rip it,' she whispered harshly against his lips.

He felt a wave of pleasure washing over him as the sound of ripping silk filled the room. She watched him, a dark smile twisting her lips, as he tossed the green fabric aside and feasted his eyes on her naked form.

'Do you like what you see, Tom?' she asked, her voice mocking.

He kissed her collarbone and she let out a hiss.

'Yes,' he murmured. 'Yes, I do. To me, you are perfection. I don't know why, but you have this impossible hold over me.'

She raised an eyebrow.

'Even if I was to hurt you?' she said, her voice mocking.

'You can't,' he said, kissing her left breast. 'You never do.'

He groaned as she got off him.

'Where are you—'

He faltered when he saw her walking across the room and picking up her wand. She wore a cruel smile as she slowly walked back to where he sat, her perfect figure glowing in the light of the fireplace.

'A few days ago, you asked me to torture you should you win our little duel,' she said, fingering her wand in such a way that Tom couldn't help shivering.

'Y..yes,' he said slowly.

'I don't think there's any doubt in either of our minds that you would have won had that storm not interrupted us,' she continued. 'So I think it's time I held up my end of the bargain.'

Tom gulped and Selene raised her eyebrows.

'Oh, but you're not scared are you, Tom?' she drawled, twirling her long hair with her wand.

He shook his head and Selene laughed and flicked her wand. He shouted as he felt the most excruciating pain radiating down his spine, through to his extremeties. It coursed throughout his entire body, slowly reaching his head where the pressure of the pain built up to an unbearable level.

Selene walked up to him and ran a finger slowly down his chest as he convulsed in pain. She kissed his lips lingeringly.

'Does that hurt, Tom?' she whispered in his ear. 'I want it to hurt. I want you to feel pain.'

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Suddenly, the pain was gone and he fell to his knees, gasping for air. She knelt by him to be at his level.

'Do you still think I don't have it in me to hurt you?' she repeated, her eyes hard.

He shook his head, still reeling from her curse. He had found an intense pleasure in it. Not in the pain, but in the huge relief he experienced when she finally lifted the curse.

He turned to her and she pulled him to him suddenly and kissed him.

And that, there, was like a magic potion, healing him of any remnants of her torturous curse.

He pulled her to him forcefully and pushed her down on the ground and kissed her again. He gasped as she tugged at his hair so hard that it hurt while she dug her nails with her other hand so deeply into his back that would have shouted out in pain had she not been smothering his mouth with her kiss.

They rolled over so that she was on top and he winced as his back lay against the abrasive carpet. His eyes widened as he saw his blood on her hand. Slowly, she brought a finger to her mouth and ran it across her lips, his blood staining them red.

With a twisted smile, she leant forward and kissed him again. He could taste his blood on her lips and, suddenly, he could wait no longer.

The wait was more torturous than anything she'd done to him that evening.

He ripped her panties and couldn't help smiling as he heard her moaning against his throat.

'I need you, Tom,' she growled.

He didn't need any more instruction. In one swift movement, he hitched her leg over his waist and…

'Master?'

Blearily, Tom opened his eyes and sat up, rubbing his neck that was stiff from having slept on his desk all night.

'What is it,' he growled.

He felt that it was grossly unfair that his dream was interrupted at the most inconvenient moment.

'Are you alright?' Dolohov called tentatively. 'Would you like me to bring you anything.'

Tom stood up in a rage.

'If I want you to bring me anything,' he shouted. 'I'll summon you. Now leave me!'

'Yes Master,' Dolohov replied hurriedly.

Tom went over to the couch and lay across it, rubbing his neck. He looked down to see that, while his mind had woken up from his dream, his body was still reacting to it.

He picked up a cushion and put it over his face to muffle his frustrated shout. No matter how often, or how well he always tried to convince himself to forget about Selene- or that she should die along with all the other muggles on his list- he always found himself reneging his decision.

And the dreams were the worst because he had no control. He always submitted to her will, and she always dominated him wholly in them.

What was worse was that he enjoyed it. No, it brought him more pleasure than anything else- even his magical discoveries- had ever brought him.

Yet when he woke up, he always felt unsatisfied and ashamed.

'Whore,' he muttered.

But as the word escaped his lips, he knew it was wrong. There was a reason why those events only happened in his dreams, and that was because she wasn't a whore.

'This has got to stop,' he muttered irritably as he sat up and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. 'It has to end.'

And yet he knew that it would never end until his dreams became a reality. What frightened him was that, should his dreams be realised, he would never be able to let her go.


Alphard winced as he saw the empty wardrobe. He then looked and saw her packed trunk at the end of her bed.

Nonetheless, she was still there, sleeping in their bed. She probably decided that she would leave this morning rather than venturing out, alone, in the middle of the night.

Alphard wondered how much time he had before she would wake up and decided he had to work quickly.

He began by putting all her clothes back where she usually kept them. He was a little unsure of her usual order, but thought it looked just about right.

He then hid her trunk, and set about tidying the living room and kitchen of the debris he left from the night before.

But he knew he would have to do more than that to even have a chance at appeasing her. He briefly flirted with the notion of cooking breakfast for her, but then decided that it would probably end disastrously and thus settled by apparating to the best patisserie in London, and bringing back an array of pastries for breakfast instead.

Selene entered the kitchen, looking thoroughly confused. Alphard tried to keep an innocent countenance about him. As he saw her, he felt a fury rising in him- that she even dared entertaining the notion of leaving him.

'Good morning,' he said, finding it almost impossible to twitch his lips into a smile.

'Morning,' she said slowly, her brows furrowed.

She came to a halt by the table and bit her lip.

'Did you… did you do something with my trunk?' she said, the colour rising in her cheeks.

Alphard raised his eyebrows and handed her a cup of tea before sitting down at the table.

'No. What do you want with your trunk?'

He found some pleasure in watching her shift uncomfortably. He felt it was a small price for her to pay for what she was prepared to do to him in leaving.

Eventually, she sighed and shrugged.

'Nothing. I just wanted to check something in a school book and I'm pretty sure it's in my trunk,' she said, sitting at the table and avoiding his eyes.

Alphard clenched his fists under the table at how easily she lied to him. He began to wonder what else she had been lying to him about.

'Which book?' he said, sipping his tea calmly.

Selene looked up, looking a little shocked.

'What?'

Alphard shrugged.

'Which book? I might have it in the library. You know, we did go to school together,' he added.

'Uh…' she faltered. 'Uh…'

'Don't remember the name?' he frowned.

Selene closed her mouth, and then nodded.

'No I don't. I only remember the cover. It was a book on Herbology.'

'Oh… and what do you want to look up?'

She rubbed her neck nervously and he decided that he had her feeling uncomfortable and guilty enough to prevent her from leaving for a short while.

'Ah never mind,' he said, smiling more easily now. 'Would you like a pastry?'

Selene looked at the tray of pastries in the middle of the table, noticing them for the first time.

'Did you get these?' she said, looking confused.

Alphard nodded.

'Yes. I woke up early this morning. You know, I had a bit of an epiphany,' he said, placing an apricot danish on her plate and pouring out more tea.

She looked at him silently, though he noticed her lip trembling as she brought her teacup to her lips.

It really was too easy to break her resolve.

'I woke up and realised that, yesterday, my mother was buried. She's gone.'

He drummed his fingers on the table and leant forward.

'You see, it really highlighted the fragility of life to me. My mother- she lived her life with all these rules and regulations… but never knew any enjoyment. There was no meaning to her life.'

'And you feel you have meaning in yours?' Selene muttered, looking down at her teacup.

Alphard pursed his lips and tried to ignore her jab at him.

'Yes, yes I do. But I think I don't appreciate it as I should,' he said softly. 'Because I have you- I have love in my life- and that's something my mother never knew.'

He saw Selene blinking quickly and knew he had finally broken her again. He sat back in his chair, relieved.

'I want to apologise for how I've behaved since her death. I was grieving, but not in a way that was considerate of you,' he said, finally.

Selene took a sharp intake of breath and looked up at him. He saw her hazel eyes were glassy with tears.

'It hasn't been the first time you've behaved like this, Alphie,' she said softly.

Alphard said nothing, but continued to look at her. Eventually, she looked away and wiped her eyes hastily.

'I… I too have been thinking a lot about life, lately,' she admitted. 'We're not getting any younger. In a few years I may not even be able to have children.'

Alphard cringed. He hadn't counted on her retaliating with this.

'Yes, but you have a few years,' he said, avoiding her eyes.

'The other day… the other day I went to the orphanage,' Selene continued. 'And there was this little girl. She… it's hard to explain. Maybe you should meet her for yourself. All I know is that I felt this inexplicable connection with her and I feel that I should adopt her.'

And there was another blow Alphard hadn't been expecting.

'You feel that 'you' should adopt her, or that 'we' should adopt her?' Alphard said slowly. 'Because, as partners, it would have to be a joint decision.'

Selene nodded quickly.

'Yes, I know. I'd like for us to adopt her. I think she would be as good for us as we could be good for her.'

Alphard pinched the bridge of his nose.

'You understand that we can't adopt a muggle, Selene. It's a muggle orphanage, so it's likely she won't become a witch.'

Selene swallowed thickly.

'Does that matter?' she whispered.

Alphard threw up his hands.

'Of course it matters!' he exclaimed. 'How could we possibly bring a non-magical child into our world? Firstly, the authorities would never allow it. Secondly, it would be dangerous for her to live alongside witches and wizards with no means of defending herself.'

Selene crossed her arms.

'And what about squibs?' she shot at him.

'Well, we all know what happens to them,' Alphard muttered, draining his teacup. 'They get sent into the muggle world.'

He saw her clenching her fists in her frustration, and stood up and went over to her and kissed her forehead.

'But, for all we know, she could be a witch,' he said calmly. 'I'm just thinking about what is practical for both her and us. We'll discuss this later.'

He kissed her lips, but she didn't kiss him back. Kissing her had never tasted so bitter.

He moved away and leant over the sink, feeling as though there was a knife twisting in his stomach.

'Do you…. Do you even love me?' he said quietly, shutting his eyes tightly.

He heard her standing up and walking over to where he was standing. She tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder.

'I… do,' she said uncertainly. 'But I don't know if that's enough anymore. I want more from life, Alphie.'

Alphard turned around suddenly, his eyes ablaze.

'So that's it, then? You want to throw away the sixteen years we've had based on a few rough times I've had?'

'No, Alphie, I…'

'I think you do,' he said, pushing her away from him. 'And where will you go? Who will you run to now? I don't think Riddle is so accommodating to….'

'Please!' Selene interrupted, pinching the bridge of her nose. 'Don't talk about him.'

Alphard tugged at his hair.

'I'm tired of waiting for you to love me fully,' he said. 'By now, it should be unconditional. And yet you're still unsure.'

'I wouldn't be unsure if you were willing to show me that you yourself were certain. In the way that every other normal couple makes a commitment to each other,' she muttered.

Alphard said nothing, and Selene sighed.

'I think we both have some thinking to do,' she said resignedly.

She took a step forward and kissed him lingeringly.

'And we both have to make concessions, if this is going to work,' she whispered against his lips.

Alphard looked up at her and went to kiss her, but Selene moved away. She gave him a sad smile before leaving the room.


'Ah, Alphard, long time no see,' Dumbledore said placidly, letting Alphard into his office.

'I don't have long,' Alphard said, making no move to sit. 'I just want to say one thing- it's Selene. I think she's seeing Tom Riddle again.'

Dumbledore watched Alphard silently for a moment, his piercing blue eyes giving nothing away.

'But I don't want to interrogate her or anything like that, this time,' Alphard continued. 'That worked out badly last time.'

'What makes you think that she has been in contact with Tom again?' Dumbledore asked calmly.

Alphard frowned.

'It sounds like weak reasoning… but I just know it. She's distracted. Whenever he's on her mind, she's always nervous around me. That's how she is now. Also, whenever they lose contact, she and I are always much happier.'

Dumbledore was silent for a moment, but then placed a hand on Alphard's shoulder.

'Your evidence isn't strong, Alphard, but I shall look into it. As we said before, it isn't safe for Selene to be associating with someone like Riddle.'

Alphard nodded.

'Thank you, sir.'

He went to leave.

'Oh, and Alphard?'

Alphard turned and looked at Dumbledore enquiringly.

'Getting rid of Tom won't fix any problems you and Selene are experiencing. It may lessen the exacerbation, but the underlying problem will only go away if you yourselves fix it.'

Alphard pursed his lips, but then forced a smile.

'Thank you, sir.'


Selene tugged at her hair as she sat on the end of her bed. She had been certain that she had packed all her bags the night before… or was that a dream?

And Alphard hadn't been receptive to the idea of adoption. But, every time she remembered that girl, she couldn't help feeling a swell of… something, in her chest. It felt like love, anguish and pain mixed in one.

She looked out the window and saw that it was still light. Without a moment's hesitation, she picked up her wand and disapparated.

She winced as she felt nostalgia washing over her as she walked through the painfully familiar corridor of the orphanage. She arrived at the girl's room, and saw that she was sitting on her bed, reading a book.

Tentatively, Selene knocked on the door. The girl looked up suddenly, and her eyes widened.

'I saw you!' she exclaimed, jumping off the bed and running over to Selene. 'I thought it was my dream, but I saw you!'

Selene smiled and knelt to be on the girl's level. Again, she felt that feeling in her chest. Yet, this time, it was also mixed with happiness.

'Yes, yes you did,' she said quietly.

'Do you want to come in? There's no one else here,' the girl said.

Selene bit her lip.

'I can't. Not today.'

The girl pouted and Selene couldn't help smiling again.

'Why not? No one ever visits me.'

Selene touched the girl's cheek.

'I'll visit you again. I promise.'

The girl's frown suddenly turned into a wide smile.

'You will! But you have to stay longer next time. We have visitors every Thursday afternoon. Will you come?'

Selene smoothed down the girl's dark hair.

'Yes, yes I will. Now, why don't you tell me your name?'

The girl frowned.

'Don't you know?'

Selene shook her head.

'No.'

The girl looked disappointed by this.

'Penelope. But everyone calls me Penny.'

Selene smiled.

'That's a very pretty name. My name is Selene.'

The girl smiled.

'Selene,' she repeated slowly. 'I like that name. It sounds beautiful.'

Selene smiled, and then stood up.

'Well you be a good girl, Penny. I'll come and visit you again on Thursday, okay?'

'You promise?' Penny repeated, her eyes looking concerned. 'Because you can't break a promise!'

Selene smiled and kissed Penny's forehead.

'Yes, I promise.'


Next chapter-

'I'm pregnant'

AND

'Congratulations, mate,'- Sean to Alphard

Thanks everyone for your reviews. Unfortunately, I couldn't update before I left because life was just far too hectic… as it is now, but I'm just ignoring it all!

England was amazing. You can read all about it on my blog. To all my English readers, I LOVE your country!

Please don't forget to leave a review!

Love, Anya