AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey! This is the absolute final chapter of AGL, so if you never have (I'm begging you here), PLEASE REVIEW! This is almost 9000 words and while it is rushed – because I knew this was going to be my last chance to write for a while – I did put a lot of work into this (and every!) chapter. I would be absolutely ecstatic if I got a review on this, because I'm afraid that I'm going to post this final chapter of something I've worked on for over two and a half years and no one is going to say anything about it.

Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Chapter Fifty

It had been a year. A year of living in the heavenly realm, of working alongside angels and helping those in the human world. Jacqueline knew she was supposed to be happy, but she wasn't. She missed Finn. She missed everyone.

From time to time over the course of the year, Jacqueline still visited the Institute. She knew it was wrong and against the rules, but she couldn't help it. She never watched Finn the way she did that night when she saw him holding her guitar, but she still would linger around the Institute — glamoured so that no one could see her — in case any of them needed help.

It wasn't often that Jacqueline was near the Institute; she only allowed herself one day a month of visiting, and she never went inside. She knew that would be a rather weird invasion of privacy, considering the brief visits she had now was kind of weird to begin with. She should've just been able to walk out of this life, like so many of the other angels were able to do with their old lives, but she couldn't, and she didn't understand why. Surely other angels had died, leaving loved ones behind? But they all seemed fine, and she wasn't, for reasons she couldn't fathom.

Jacqueline had seen Vanessa and Tony on one of those days, walking outside on what she assumed was a date. It was around April, about four months or so after she'd died, and it was just beginning to get a little warm again. They were holding hands, and they had looked so happy. Vanessa had looked a little upset when they had first left the Institute, and Tony looked like he was comforting her — his hand gently caressing her face, pulling her in for a hug. He managed to make her laugh soon after, and for that, Jacqueline was grateful. She wanted to see them happy.

She saw Finn every once in a while, maybe four times during the course of the year. He often stood on his balcony, and Jacqueline felt sadder than she thought she should be — how could she not know that he liked to be on that balcony so much? She barely had had any time to know him, and yet it felt like a piece of her was missing that she wasn't really with him.

She knew that she was torturing herself by doing this; it always made her feel awful when she left, but at the same time, at least she knew that nothing had happened to the people she cared about.

In July, Jacqueline saw Finn on that balcony with a girl she didn't recognize. Jacqueline didn't stay close enough to them to listen; she knew that this was something private that she shouldn't try to eavesdrop on. But, yet, she still didn't feel like she could totally detach herself from the situation like the other angels could, because she stayed to watch and to see what happened.

The girl had a pretty smile, Jacqueline thought, and she had the kind of willowy features that Jacqueline envied. She seemed a little nervous — Jacqueline could see her fidgeting, constantly smoothing her hair or her blouse — but Finn seemed to be making her laugh. It hurt to see him lazily standing against the railing, flirting with the girl, but Jacqueline tried to convince herself that this was for the best. She wanted him to be happy, and if this made him happy, she should be accepting of it. The logical part of her thought that, but the other half of her just felt sad.

Seeing Finn and the girl kiss on that balcony was the worst part. She couldn't resent him for it — she was dead, after all. He was allowed to live his life, and Jacqueline knew that. She had left immediately after that, knowing that she shouldn't intrude on such a private moment.

Still, in the other times she returned during that year, she had never seen the girl again, and she wondered what had happened to her.

Nothing much had really happened other than those two days she had visited the Institute. She'd seen Clary and Jace walking with Lizzie and Eddy once, which had made her smile, and the twins had shown up once too. They looked like they'd had a growth spurt, and seeing as they were twelve now, Jacqueline wondered if they'd be receiving their first Runes soon. She wished she could be there to see it.

During her December visit, Jacqueline was leaning against one of the buildings across the street, just watching the Institute. There was no one outside, not that she'd expected anyone to come. It was too cold for that nowadays. Still, she took comfort in spending time at the place that she still considered her home.

She knew it was wrong. She had a new life now, and she couldn't go back to this one. She shouldn't be here; the angels had told her that on the first day she had come. But, yet, how could she miss a place she'd only spent a few months of her life at?

None of the other angels she'd met seemed to miss their old lives the way she had; what made her so different? She missed the feeling of laughing with Vanessa, of training with Tony, of hugging Finn. Just being with them for one more moment, just to say a better goodbye, would have been a small comfort.

Suddenly standing up, she took a breath, feeling strangely determined. This visit would be her last. She couldn't keep torturing herself like this, even if being here felt like home. It had to end, and it would — today. She had given herself a year, and now that the year was almost over, she had to stop.

It really hadn't been an awful year. She truly liked helping other people. She had been learning Spanish and was able to travel to some different areas of the world — which was absolutely incredible, considering she'd never even left New York before. It was a pretty amazing life she had now, but at the same time, she was still yearning for her old life, too. How awful was that, that she couldn't appreciate what she had? How selfish was she, that she could help so many people and instead just wanted something good for herself?

She knew all these things, and she kept visiting the Institute anyway. But it was going to end today; that much she was sure of. It had to stop.

She took one last glance at the Institute, knowing it would be the last time she saw it forever. She bit her lip, trying to keep from crying, and then turned away. She Portaled back to her apartment in the angels' realms soon after, not wanting to think about never seeing this place again.

Upon arriving in her apartment, Jacqueline found a note taped to her door. In familiar handwriting, Jacqueline saw the words: Jacqueline, please meet me in my office when you arrive home. We need to talk. — Gabriela

Jacqueline swallowed. Gabriela had never asked to meet with her before, and as far as she was aware, they didn't have any meetings scheduled. They had been frequent in her first three months or so, but now that she had gotten used to the routine, she didn't know why Gabriela would need to speak with her. It was especially strange that it was something so formal like a meeting, in her office.

Something about this didn't sit will with Jacqueline. Maybe it was the way it was worded, or maybe it was the fact that she had just come from the Institute. Whatever the case was, Jacqueline nervously walked to Gabriela's, hoping that she wasn't in trouble for anything.

She knocked on Gabriela's door when she had arrived, hearing a soft "Come in." Jacqueline tentatively entered. Gabriela was sitting at her desk, and rose when Jacqueline entered.

"Hi," Jacqueline said, hoping her nervousness wasn't completely obvious to Gabriela. Maybe nothing was happening; maybe this was just a routine visit.

"Well, Jacqueline," Gabriela said, not unkindly, "I think I need to say this outright. Another angel was in the city earlier today, and they saw you at the Institute."

—•—

It had been a year. Finn had been without Jacqueline for a year.

He had never experienced a loss like this before, and he didn't really know how to handle it. He always felt like he was close to crying those first few months, every time he thought of her. He stopped passing by her bedroom, he didn't visit the greenhouse, and he didn't draw as much as he used to. That had been up until around April. He wondered if he had depression; he wasn't sure how those things affected Shadowhunters, and, if it did, if any medication would work on him.

There were no Runes that could heal a broken heart.

He knew his family had been trying to help him for the first few months, and he knew it was his own fault for pushing them away. He tried to spend time with them when he felt up for it, and when the younger kids came around, he would try to act a little happier, if only for their sake.

With Vanessa and Tony, he didn't try as hard, because they were often as upset as he was. They spent a lot of time together, training more intensely than they probably ever had. They needed to keep their minds focused on something else, even if it was only for a few hours a day. In the evenings, they would all often sleep in the same room. Finn had nightmares multiple times a week, sometimes even every night, and Vanessa — after finding out that, for the first two weeks after Jacqueline's death, Finn had woken up shuddering, drenched in a cold sweat, completely alone — had insisted that they all sleep in her room, which had her own bed, a pull-out couch, and a recliner.

Sometime after April, Finn was beginning to feel — well, not good, but he wasn't at such an extreme level of sadness like he had been in during the first few months. The nightmares would never go away completely during the whole year, but they lessened considerably after April. He had gone back to sleeping in his own bedroom, much to Vanessa's chagrin. ("You're not okay," she had said. "And it's okay not to be okay! We want to help any way we can!")

He began to draw again, but never anything of her. Sometimes it was just the way the light fell in the training room, sometimes it was to draw a stack of books in the library. But his drawings never felt like they had any meaning; they were of insignificant things, with nothing extraordinary about them.

Jacqueline was significant, extraordinary. But she was gone. And Finn was — like he assumed most people would be — having a hard time adjusting to it.

The spring fell into summer, and one day in July Vanessa had arrived home with a friend of hers, Alison. Finn had been in the kitchen, grabbing something to eat, when they had entered, and he'd introduced himself politely and then excused himself soon after.

Finn hadn't tried dating any other girls since Jacqueline had died, mostly because he knew no one would compare to her. He didn't know how he would feel dating someone else. Surely he would have to at some point in his life? Or maybe he never would — maybe Jacqueline had been it for him.

Vanessa had said that, if anything, it might be good for him to go out to dinner with her just to talk. Alison's mother had died in a demon attack, and Vanessa thought that, since they were both experiencing the loss of people very close to them, it might be a good idea for them to talk.

So Finn had agreed, feeling strangely guilty for it. It wasn't like he was cheating on Jacqueline; she had been gone at that point for over six months, and this was as much a friendship as it was a possible romantic relationship.

Alison had been kind and smart, and her nervousness reminded him a little of Jacqueline. But, truth be told, she reminded him too much of Jacqueline. And at this point in his life, he couldn't handle that. He was honest with her and told her that exactly after they had gone on a few dates. She had seemed a little upset, which Finn did feel badly about, but she also seemed to be honest when she said that she understood.

After July, Finn started drawing Jacqueline again. He didn't really understand it, but something about ending things with Alison made him wonder more about Jacqueline. He drew different memories he had of her: the way she had looked going up against the demon at Pandemonium and saving Vanessa, the way she had looked so triumphant after singing that song to Kristal in his dining room, the way she had comforted his brother in her pajamas, of all things.

He tried not to draw the sad things; at least by drawing happier things, he could be upset over the loss of something that had once been good. He didn't want to mourn over the fact that, in the little time he'd had with Jacqueline, she'd barely been truly happy.

The fall was hard, mostly because he would remember dates from the previous year — this way the day Jacqueline had arrived at the Institute, the day they had gone to the beach, the day they had kissed for real. But during the fall, he truly had tried to spend more time with his family, and he could feel himself getting perhaps a little bit closer to feeling almost normal again. He was trying to live his life as regularly as he could.

The nightmares wouldn't really stop, although they did lessen as the year went on. When December rolled around, Finn didn't know how he was doing. He didn't know what to think about himself or Jacqueline — he still missed her and wanted her back more than anything, but he was gradually beginning to understand that that would never happen. He kept training and became in the best shape he had ever been; killing demons came as naturally to him as it would've to his parents when they were young.

He never did learn why Jacqueline's body had disappeared that night, leaving the gold dust behind. He supposed he would never know; it was just another one of the many questions he had about her.

Why did she die like that? Why did people always have to seek revenge? Why did someone so amazingly good have to die? Why had they never gotten the chance to be happy together?

—•—

Jacqueline was shocked upon hearing Gabriela say that she'd been seen at the Institute. She hadn't seen anyone; but, then again, she was probably distracted by the fact that she was contemplating never going to the Institute again. But she knew the rules — she just didn't know what would happen now that they had discovered she'd broken them.

"Gabriela, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen and I know I was neglecting what I'm supposed to be doing but I couldn't stay away—"

"Hush, Jacqueline." Gabriela was soothing; she wasn't angry like Jacqueline had been expecting. Jacqueline obliged to her request, standing in front of her nervously and trying not to fidget too much, like she usually did when she was nervous.

Gabriela closed her eyes, took a breath, and upon reopening them, said, "Jacqueline, it's all right."

Jacqueline was shocked. "W-what? But you said I wasn't supposed to see people from my old life."

"Yes, we did," Gabriela said quietly, still as calm as ever. She motioned to the couch in her office. "Come, sit here with me, Jacqueline."

Jacqueline hesitatingly followed her, sitting down beside her and facing her. She felt near tears, and it took everything inside of her not to cry at what she had done. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, remembering the feeling of Finn doing it for her.

"Jacqueline, the other angels and I spoke before you arrived back at home. And we think it's our own fault for what has happened here." Gabriela sighed, smiling sadly. "Oh, Jacqueline, dear, you are a wonderful girl and a wonderful angel, but you were probably the youngest angel we've ever had here. And we think that, because of that, you were never really able to experience life the way you deserved. Now, certainly, there are many here who have passed in the human world whose lives were cut short — but often, they were young adults, who had at least experienced some happiness in their lives. But you... you were beginning to experience happiness for real with Finn Herondale in those weeks before your death, happiness you really were only having for the first time."

Jacqueline felt guilty still, despite what Gabriela was saying. "But I'm supposed to be able to control it! I wish I hadn't died so soon, but that's what happens sometimes. Life's not fair. I should've been able to control it and stop seeing him and focus on what I should've been doing."

"Jacqueline," Gabriela said, "we agree that you should not have neglected your responsibilities and forsook seeing Finn, but we've also noticed in our years here that there are angels who remain almost completely detached from their own human experiences — almost like the Silent Brothers. And then there are those whose experiences barely fade from them at all. And you are one of those people, but to be honest, you are probably the closest to human of all of us." Gabriela sighed again. "We should've realized that you are so full of humanity, and we should've worked you into this lifestyle better. But we didn't, and that's our mistake."

Jacqueline nodded. Was she really closer to human than the others? She didn't feel human; but, then again, she didn't feel like much of angel either. "I promise I'll do better," Jacqueline said. "I won't try to be so... so human, I guess you'd call it. I'll work harder and I'll try to be a better angel."

"But you must understand," Gabriela said, "we don't think your humanness is a punishment. It's a gift, just one that isn't so useful here. Which is why we're sending you back to the human world, if you agree to it."

Jacqueline's eyes actually widened. "But — but I died! You can't send me back." She paused, taking a breath. Somehow, as she spoke these last words, she could feel the pull of going back to earth. "I'm here now."

"You can be an angel again when you die as any other Shadowhunter would," Gabriela replied. "We won't take away your angelic blood, because that's part of who you are, down to your soul. You will be the exact same person as you were before you died that night — except now that you understand who you are, you'll be able to use Runes that work for angels, not the Runes of Shadowhunters. But you will have your total human emotions, and everything will be the same as it was a year ago."

"But what about all the people who need my help?" Jacqueline asked, and although she hated what she was saying, she knew it was the right thing to say. "Isn't it selfish for me to go back when so many other people could need me as an angel?"

"There will always be people who need help," Gabriela said. "And they will be here, when you die again and return to us. Consider this a gift from the angels to you — we are going to help you in the same way you've helped so many others in your life."

"Really?" Jacqueline smiled broadly, tears welling up in her eyes. "Gabriela, I miss him — all of them — so much. If you can send me back, I don't think I could be happier."

"I can, and I will." Gabriela smiled at the sight of a joyful Jacqueline. "I may have passed on to the next realm of heaven after you return here, so I may not see you for some time. Thank you for everything, Jacqueline. You've helped so many people, and we are so happy that you finally get a chance to be happy."

"No, Gabriela, thank you. I will always be grateful for everything you've done." And then Jacqueline hugged her, and she could see Gabriela was a little surprised, but she hugged the young girl back gently.

"Are you ready?" Gabriela asked, and Jacqueline was surprised to see that she was crying too.

Jacqueline nodded, standing up, and followed Gabriela to a mirror. Gabriela waved a hand across the front of the mirror, and Jacqueline watched as her reflection shifted into an image of the Institute.

"It's a Portal," Gabriela said. "It will send you to the present-day, but you will be the same girl you were a year ago. You can go through it when you're ready."

Jacqueline could feel herself longing for what was her true home, the place where she had been the happiest. Her heart was racing — she couldn't believe this was happening. Her stomach tightening a little, she said one last "thank you" before she stepped through the mirror.

She was finally going back — to the person and place she considered her home.

—•—

Jacqueline didn't open her eyes right away, afraid that if she did, she would still be in the heavenly realms or somewhere crazy like that. Pressing her fingers against whatever surface she was laying upon, she felt something soft. It was comfortably quiet, but she realized that however long she waited here, the longer it would take for her to see Finn.

More aware than ever of her rapidly beating heart, Jacqueline opened her eyes.

It was dark in the room; that was what she first noticed. She sat up on the bed, and looked around. Without her guitar or the books she had often taken from the library, the room was a little hard to recognize, but she could tell — this had been her old bedroom in the Institute.

She grinned, unable to believe she was back. She was here, alive and breathing and in the Institute. She was home, and that thought made her the happiest she had been in a long time.

Luckily enough for her, the angels had been kind in her return to the earth — it was dark out, and looking at the clock, Jacqueline could see that it was only about two hours past midnight. That meant Finn was home; he had to be.

She threw the blankets off her bed as she stumbled to stand, shivering a little when she noticed that she was unclothed. At another point, she might've contemplated why the angels hadn't let her bring any of the clothes she wore while she was up there. She supposed that heavenly things couldn't have been brought to the real world.

In any case, she opened her dresser and threw on the first pair of shorts and short-sleeved t-shirt that she could find. In the darkness of her room, she could barely tell what color they were, but she was too happy and too rushed to wonder if they matched or not. She went barefoot, not wanting to wake anyone up as she ran to Finn's room. Of course, she didn't mind waking him up — she hoped he would be as happy to see her as she was to see him.

Not seeing him for a year, she wondered what he would look like, what he had been doing. Was seventeen-year-old Finn different from his sixteen-year-old self? She was surely different — although going to another dimension could do that to you — but she couldn't imagine what that might be like.

A year ago, she might've worried about his reaction to seeing her alive again, or maybe waited until the morning so she wouldn't surprise him like a crazy person in the middle of the night. But she was not sixteen anymore. She was not the girl who had almost left the Institute in the middle of a rainy night because she thought she didn't belong. She loved Finn, and she had basically been resurrected from the dead so she could see him again. There was nothing she could do about his reaction, and while she suspected it would be a good one, she refused to be nervous.

Practically slipping down the hall, Jacqueline ran to Finn's room, her hair flying behind her. Each step was almost silent, but her mind was anything but. She couldn't believe she would get to see him again, after so long. Time seemed to go by differently when she was angel, but it still felt like a long time since she had seen him, since she had spoken to him, since she had hugged him. She had missed him so much; there was really no other way to say it, no beautiful words she could use to express how she felt. All Jacqueline wanted was to be with him again, and in only a moment, she would be.

The hallway was long, but Jacqueline couldn't imagine feeling tired when she was this close to seeing him again. When she had stopped at his door, she wasted no time walking in, although she did her best to close it quietly so she wouldn't wake up anyone else.

It was very dark in Finn's bedroom. He hadn't left the window open or any sort of light on, so it was a little hard for her to discern all of Finn's features in the darkness. Still, she could see the shape of his body on his bed, all the blankets and sheets strewn across his mattress. His arm was above his head, bent into what Jacqueline thought was an uncomfortable position, and his opposite foot was slightly hanging off the bed.

"Finn," she whispered into the darkness. She hadn't given much thought to what she would say when she was reunited with him. "It's me, Jacqueline." She paused, and laughed a little. "I'm, uh... here. Alive, I mean."

Finn rolled over onto his stomach and made a muffled noise into his pillow. It almost sounded like a groan, but she could hear what she thought were words. "...not again," Jacqueline heard him say. He sounded half-asleep as he muddled some of his words together. "N'more 'ight... mares."

Nightmares? Jacqueline wondered if they had been about her. She hoped they hadn't. "No, Finn, really," she whispered, a little more loudly this time. She touched his arm, as if that would wake him up.

"S'been a year," Finn mumbled in reply, his words gradually becoming a little more coherent. "Stop coming into m'dreams." Finn's next three words broke her heart. "You're gone, Jack."

"No, Finn." She perched on the edge of his bed, leaning forward slightly as she smoothed his hair away from his face. She didn't notice that she was crying. "I'm here forever, Finn."

Slowly, Finn turned from his side onto his back. His eyes were still closed, but he slowly reached his hand for where Jacqueline's hand rested against his cheek. It was at that moment when he opened his eyes.

"Hey." Jacqueline was quiet, and she rubbed her eyes in an attempt to stop crying. "I'm, um, not dead anymore."

"That... that's not possible." Finn was coherent now, although Jacqueline suspected that he thought he was still asleep. "Jack, you died. A year ago." He shook his head, sitting up against his headboard and saying, more to himself than to her, "I'm dreaming, or hallucinating. This isn't real; you've been gone."

"Finn Alexander Herondale!" Jacqueline wasn't yelling, of course, but she was definitely louder than she had been before. She pushed a blanket off of her as she stood up, turning on the light that was on Finn's bedside table. "Look at me," she said quietly, almost pleading. "Look at me and tell me that I'm not alive."

She stood there silently, looking at him. With the light, Jacqueline could see how a year had changed him. Even though she had seen him from time to time as an angel, it was from far away and barely for a moment — she couldn't really get a good idea of what he looked like. His eyes had darker circles under them than she remembered, and his face was darkened with stubble across his jaw. His hair was messier than she remembered it being; his shoulders looked a little broader. When he stood up, and stood close to her, she could see that he had grown a couple inches. It seemed strange to her that someone she loved this much could look so different to her so suddenly. A year apart had certainly made a difference.

Silently, Finn's hand lightly brushed her cheek. She didn't say a word, and she only watched him as he stared at her. He brushed back a piece of her hair, still silent, and Jacqueline was curious as to what he was thinking. He ran the backs of his palms lightly down her arms, as if trying to convince himself that she was here.

"Is it really you?" he asked, finally speaking. His voice was hoarse, as if he was trying not to cry.

"It's really me." Jacqueline's voice broke and then she was crying again, and suddenly his arms were around her, and she hugged him more tightly than she had ever hugged him. His arms were around her and they were as close as if they were kissing, but this was so much better than kissing. This was love in its purest form, the feeling of holding each other and just being. She clung to him, her lifeline. Jacqueline's arms were around Finn's neck, and she savored the feeling of her head buried in his shoulder. She had never thought it would be possible for her to feel this way with anyone, to feel so whole.

"God, I missed you," she murmured.

"But... how?" Finn pulled away slightly, looking at her with concern. "How are you alive? I... I saw you die; you died in my arms. I saw your body disappear." And suddenly he had pulled away from her. "Jack, I swear, if you left here and put us all through hell for a year, that's — that's sick and wrong and—"

"No!" Jacqueline was louder than she intended, but she didn't really care. "No, that's not it at all. I died, honestly." The words would've been a little amusing, admitting that she had died, but now wasn't the time for her to laugh. "When I died, I woke up in this room somewhere. And I met this woman, a really wonderful woman, named Gabriela. And she — she told me I was angel."

Finn stared at her, still standing far apart from her. "I don't understand. People aren't just angels and people don't just come back from the dead—"

"Well, I did—"

"God, this is all just some awful, twisted nightmare—" Finn put his hands on the back of his head, his fingers interlocking as he turned away from her, pacing a few steps. "It's like it never ends, I just want to wake up from all of this—" His eyes looked panicked, and she saw the way his chest rose a little unevenly as he breathed. "You died, Jack!" he spat the words out. "You're gone so stop torturing me like this, I can't do it!"

Jacqueline didn't know what to say. How long had she been wishing for this moment? How long had she thought that this would be perfect, when it clearly wasn't? "Finn." Jacqueline's voice trembled a little. "I want you to believe me. I did die that night, and I'm an angel. That's the truth."

He didn't say a word, and he stared at her instead. He still looked like he was afraid that he was imagining all of this, that he was dreaming.

"Do you remember," she asked slowly, "when we went to that warehouse to kill the Iblis demon? And when it burned you?"

Finn nodded, still silent. Jacqueline took that to mean that she should continue.

"That's because Iblis demons freak out when they're in the presence of someone with more potent angelic blood, and I was fully an angel, so it burned you in response." Her heart was racing as she spoke, and she was terrified he wouldn't believe her. "My Runes never worked because they're only designed for people who are human at all, and I wasn't. And my Runes were gold and moved just like Raziel's. I was good at Shadowhunting for no reason at all, and that's because I wasn't human at all." She took his hands on impulse, a movement that at another point might've embarrassed her. "Finn, I am an angel. Please believe me. I wouldn't leave like that, I wouldn't fake my own death. I lo— care about you a lot."

Finn's hands were bigger than hers, and at another point she would've enjoyed the feeling of her hands clasped with his own, but not today. She could feel his hands shaking a tiny bit, and she felt awful for making him feel so terribly. "Finn, say something. Talk to me."

"I... I don't know if I can." He didn't let go of her hands, and Jacqueline took that as a small victory. "Jack, you don't get it. You don't know how awful it had been, how many times I've felt like I couldn't take it anymore—" He stopped speaking suddenly, pulling his hands away and running a hand through his hair as he pulled away from her. Her stomach tightened as she watched the familiar action. She wanted him to believe her so badly; she couldn't lose him again.

Jacqueline wanted to yell and say that she'd had the same feelings, that she had watched him and had been unable to touch him, unable to tell him how much she loved him. But she didn't. She knew that he was alive, at least. Her suffering couldn't have been as bad as his, because he had no idea that she was doing okay.

Finn was suddenly striding toward the door, the door that led out to his balcony. She didn't know what he was doing, but she hurried out behind him, trying to close the door quietly as she went outside.

"I can think better out here," he muttered, gazing down at the city streets and answering her unasked question. "But I don't know what to think." He turned to her, his green eyes meeting her blue ones. "Jack, you don't know how hard this is, how many times I've dreamed about this happening. By the Angel, I want to believe you, but it just doesn't make sense. Nothing about this does."

Jacqueline swallowed. Somehow, she thought it wouldn't be this hard. But, then again, this was crazy, and she couldn't imagine what it would be like to hear such astonishing news. She had a strange thought, suddenly, as she tried to think of a way to convince Finn that this was all true.

She was quiet for a moment, closing her eyes and seeing an image flash in her mind, an image she had never seen before but somehow felt she knew by instinct.

Even now, even as he was convinced that he was hallucinating an image of Jacqueline or that she was lying about her own death, Finn's voice was still filled with concern. "Jack, are you okay?"

"Just give me your stele, okay?" Jacqueline rocked back and forth on her heels, trying to focus on what she was about to do as he tentatively gave her his stele from his pocket.

It was hard to think when she could feel Finn so close to her, so close but yet so far away at the same time — he was standing right beside her, but at the same time, he didn't believe she could come back from the dead. Come on, she thought. Just do it already!

She took the stele and pressed the image into the inside of her arm, feeling the slight burning feeling that everyone had always talked about when drawing a Rune. She bit her lip at the unfamiliar pain, and she didn't cry out. Jacqueline was a little nervous to see Finn's reaction so she kept her eyes closed for a moment or two longer than she should've.

She exhaled slowly, then, and opened her eyes.

He looked shocked — more than shocked, even, he looked afraid, taking a step or two back. She could see why he might be, considering she was basically emanating light and she had been able to draw a Rune on her arm — one that was not from the Grey Book, one that was brilliant gold and shimmered on her arm. She must have known what the Rune was from what Gabriela had told her. Now that she knew she was an angel, her instinct alone gave her the ability to know how to use her Runes. But that wasn't the point — she wanted him to be able to see her, to truly see her for who she was and believe her.

"It's okay," she whispered, cautiously reaching out to touch him reassuringly. "It's just me. I'm the same person I always was."

Finn took her hand, gingerly stepping closer to her. "You are an angel," he murmured, looking at her wings and then at her. "Jack, I'm sorry—"

"Hey, don't be." Jacqueline smiled, hoping he wasn't so freaked out anymore. "I didn't know I'd be able to let you see them — even people with the Sight shouldn't be able to. But I was able to pull of whatever glamour it was, I guess."

"I missed you so much, Jack." Finn was smiling, and Jacqueline was blinking back tears because she never thought that she'd be able to see him smile like that again. Somehow she ended up in his arms, and he was kissing her and Jacqueline couldn't believe how wonderful it felt. She could feel his smile against her lips, and her heart melted when she heard him laugh the tiniest of laughs as he pulled away for a breath.

And then she was laughing too, because for once, everything was absolutely the way it should be. She would never be more grateful than for this moment, with this beautiful boy on this most beautiful night.

"I want to tell you everything," she said. "If that's okay with you. Everything that's happened in the last year."

He nodded. "It's always okay. I want to tell you what happened to me, too."

—•—

They had sat down on the bed when Jacqueline had told him everything, and he had proceeded to do the same to her. One of the bed's longer sides was pushed up against the wall, so they had something to lean their backs on.

Her head was against his shoulder. She didn't know what he was thinking. She wasn't sure if the one date that they had been on when she was sixteen meant that they were dating — you'd think being in another dimension would give you some sort of knowledge on how boys work, but unfortunately that didn't seem to be the case for Jacqueline.

"I can't believe I'm here," Jacqueline said softly, a small smile dancing across her lips. "I didn't think I could ever have this again."

Finn was silent. She wondered if what she had said had upset him, but she didn't know how she could've. He tapped his fingers lightly a few times on his bedspread. He looked nervous or sad or something, maybe both.

"It's my fault," Finn said. "That you — that you died. It shouldn't have ended like — like that. I shouldn't have left you alone in the first place, I should've gotten to you faster—"

"Hey, hey." Jacqueline's voice was soothing, barely above a whisper. "That's not true. It was no one's fault."

"But it was, it was mine—"

"No." Her voice was firm. "The people who are at fault for my death are the people who killed me. Not you." She swallowed then, forcing back words that she wanted to say so desperately.

Finn was silent. She could tell that he didn't believe her, but she didn't know what to say to make him feel at ease.

"I'm here now. With you, which is what matters the most," Jacqueline said after a moment. "Finn, you — you saved my life before I came here. I don't think I ever would've been able to live my life right without you. I don't think I would've learned that people aren't all bad until I met you."

"I can say the same thing about you." Finn's eyes looked so old and so young all at once, that he had seen indescribable amounts of both pain and happiness. "Kristal messed me up. But you... you put me back together."

She didn't know what to say to that, curled her body a little closer to his as he put his arm around her gently. They were quiet for a few moments.

"I like this," she murmured after a minute or two, looking up at the ceiling. She could feel his arm around her, and she suddenly remembered that day almost a year ago when she had still been an angel and seen him in her room with her guitar. She had wanted his touch so much then, and she couldn't express the feelings of pure bliss that she could touch him now, could hear his voice, could smell the faint scent of detergent on his clothes.

"Hm?" Finn sounded distracted. "Yeah, I... I like this too."

Jacqueline looked up at him, looking slightly to her side to see his expression. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah... yeah, of course. Everything's good." He tried to smile, but he only looked nervous. "Jack, can I... Can I tell you something?"

She nodded. "Always."

"Jack," Finn said quietly, and she could see him swallow. "I know you were basically just resurrected and all"—at this he chuckled—"and that I haven't seen you in a year, but I have to tell you something." He exhaled, loudly. "I love you. And I know it might not be the right time or you might want other things or to get adjusted back—"

She was kissing him then, almost laying on top of him, cutting him off. She pulled away, her lips mere inches away from his face. "I love you, too, Finn. I didn't think I would ever be able to say that to someone, not after everything I went through as a kid. But I can, and I will. You helped me to see that, Finn." She smiled, and she didn't even feel that nervous. "I love you, I love you, I love you — I'll say it forever."

And they were kissing again, this time a little faster and rushed, as if to make up for the time they had lost for a whole year. To be perfectly honest, she wasn't quite sure exactly how to do this — the only other times she had kissed Finn, they had been quick and romantic, but this was different, something more intense that she didn't think she had ever felt before.

She could feel their foreheads touching lightly against each other, and at another point, she might've worried about what she was doing wrong. But kissing him, feeling his soft lips on her own, caught up in a whirlwind of emotions and Finn, Finn, always Finn — Jacqueline couldn't notice. Her thoughts were only on him.

Though the moment was far more intense than gentle, Finn tenderly pulled her a little closer to him, to give her the chance to pull away if she wanted. She didn't — and then they were closer than they had been before, and it was hurried and it felt wonderful.

He was on top of her, then, his tongue tracing lightly across her lips. His unkempt hair was falling into his eyes, and it was brushing across her face, too. She felt hot from kissing him, a good kind of hot, the kind that left a burning sensation on her lips and a tingling all over her body. She wanted — no, needed — him more than she ever had.

At some point — Jacqueline had no concept of time at the moment — they pulled away from each other a little to catch their breath. Giddy with the drug that was Finn and exhilarated by the fact that she was actually alive again, she laughed. Laughing had never felt so good.

Finn grinned a grin she hadn't seen in so long. He teased her, saying, "I must admit, laughing after we just kissed like that makes me a little nervous, Jack."

She laughed even more, unable to contain herself. "I — I just can't! — I'm so —" Her words came out in short bursts in between her laughs. "Happy — Finn, I can't believe —"

"Hey." His low voice was soothing. "I get it. I'm so happy you're here, Jack."

Jacqueline smiled, and tears were welling up in her eyes a little again. She leaned in closer to Finn, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in. Her eyes were closed, but she could feel him playing around with her hair a little bit with his other hand.

"Is this okay?" Finn murmured, pulling a sheet on them, and then a blanket.

"Yeah," she responded, closing her eyes. "But... just this. I don't think I'm ready for, that... yet."

"Of course," he responded, and he didn't sound mad or disappointed, and Jacqueline was relieved. "I'd only ever tell you, so don't tell anyone else," Finn continued, "but I, uh, think I... feel the same way."

"Okay. Then we will... someday." Jacqueline curled herself into his arm more tightly. "But not now. When we're both ready."

He was quiet, and they stayed like that, silent in the dark, aware only of each other.

"Thank you for coming back, Jacqueline," were the last words she heard before drifting asleep.

—•—

Breakfast the next morning had been rather... eventful, to say the least.

Finn had walked Jacqueline to the dining room, and she had seemed nervous, to Finn anyway. He had tried to talk to her, commenting on how he wondered if she'd still be a good Shadowhunter after taking "a whole year off." ("Finn!" she'd said. "That's not funny!" Even though she was laughing.)

They hadn't really come up with any clever way to tell everyone that Jacqueline was back. They'd been thinking about just having her at the table early and seeing everyone's reactions then, but the two of them figured that they wanted to let everyone else know at once, in case people didn't all come into the dining room at the same time.

He'd walked into the room first. The room was in general chaos, as it normally was. The twins were fighting with what he hoped were plastic swords, Lizzie was singing at the top of her lungs, Eddy was fussing in Clary's arms, and Vanessa and Tony were playfully arguing with Jace over which demons were easiest to kill.

It took Finn a moment to quiet everyone down. "Hey, guys?" he said. No response. "Guys? Guys!" On that last word he'd raised his voice a little more, and they had finally all turned to look at him. "Good morning, everyone," Finn said with a smile. "It's a bit of a long story, but someone is here. Someone that you all love and missed very much."

He turned to face Jacqueline, who was still hanging out in the hallway, listening to him. "Can I come in?" Jacqueline asked him, looking up with those sparkling blue eyes of hers, a tentative smile on her lips.

"Yeah." Her smile was infectious; he was grinning already. He took her hand, and they walked together into the room.

"Hi, everyone," Jacqueline said, twirling a piece of her hair nervously around her finger. "I, um, well, I'm alive and —"

And before Finn even knew what had happened, Vanessa was suddenly in front of Jacqueline, hugging her tightly and crying. The two girls were laughing and crying all at once. And then suddenly his entire family was surrounding the two of them, and everyone was laughing and crying out of happiness, and Finn couldn't believe that everyone he cared about was finally in the same place, all together.

Only Jace hung back slightly, and he nudged Finn in the shoulder. "How is she alive, Finn?" he asked, a bit of a bemused smile on his face.

Finn blinked, once, twice. He hadn't been expecting that question. "Uh, well, to say it all quickly, she was actually an angel the whole time. She died, lived as an angel, and eventually they let her come back."

"Ah." Finn saw his father laugh, which surprised him, because usually his mother was the only one who was able to do that. "And did you tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"What you told me that night in the kitchen. What you always wanted to tell her, but never got the chance to."

Finn looked at the smiling girl in front of him, surrounded by his family that was hugging her and talking to her and asking her questions. He couldn't believe he was so lucky that someone as wonderful as Jacqueline had come into his life. "Yeah," he said finally. "I told her."

—•—

Finn and Jacqueline were sitting in the living room, the one that Finn had taken her to after she had contemplated leaving the Institute during that horrible night in the rain.

Jacqueline was curled up in the corner of the couch reading a book, and Finn was sleeping beside her. She smiled at the sight of him, completely at peace. This was lovely. For what was probably the thousandth time during that first week back, Jacqueline silently thanked the angels for letting her come back.

As she leaned to put her head on the pillow, she felt something crinkle beneath her. Curious, she reached under the pillow and then underneath the cushion itself and found a piece of paper with a drawing on it — of her.

"Hey, Finn," she murmured, nudging his shoulder.

"Hm?" His eyes were still closed as he rolled slightly to his side. His voice was groggy and a little hard to understand as he asked, "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry to wake you up," Jacqueline apologized, "but do you know what this is?"

He rubbed his eyes a little sleepily, blinking a few times before looking at it. "Oh, uh... yeah," he said. "That's, uh... mine."

"Finn, this is beautiful," Jacqueline murmured, looking at it more closely. The shadows hitting her face, the way he had seemed to capture the curve of her cheeks and eyelids. It was strange to see herself through someone else's eyes. "Why didn't you ever tell me you could draw?"

"Never told… anyone." He yawned, still looking exhausted, and he was already falling back into his prior position, lying on the couch. "It's from that night in the rain," he said quietly before he fell asleep again.

And Jacqueline knew exactly what he was talking about. How could they have had such a deep bond so long ago, and not really be together until now? He had drawn her on that night; she had told him about her past. They both had revealed secrets in this room.

She wished they had found each other sooner. She needed someone like him as early as that first night when he drew her. She wished she'd understood that he would understand her past and completely accept her for it; she wished that they could've told each other they loved each other sooner than they did.

Their pasts were not ones of the purest happiness or the brightest memories — far from it, in fact. Both Jacqueline and Finn were lost when they had first met, surrounded by people, but yet still feeling incredibly alone.

It was in each other where they learned to trust again.

It was in each other where they learned they wouldn't be abandoned.

It was in each other where they discovered how strong and capable they truly were.

It was in each other where they realized that not all people were awful.

It was in each other where they truly found hope.

It was in each other where they saved themselves.

One person can truly be all the difference in the world, and Jacqueline looked forward to their future together — a bright future of potential and promise, of commitment and understanding, and, most importantly, love.

"Thank you, Gabriela," Jacqueline whispered, looking at the boy sleeping on the couch, the boy who was the love of her life. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That's it! I actually can't believe I finished this. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I never thought I would. But I did. I can't believe it. This is so surreal.

Now, that being said, yeah, I know the final chapter is a little rushed. But I hope it was still a fun read anyways! I knew this was going to be my last chance to write for a while, so I wanted to make sure I had it up this weekend. I know it definitely could've been better. But this is the first thing I've written that I've actually ever finished. Over 100k words. I'm actually amazed.

If you guys could PLEASE REVIEW I would be so so happy, you have no idea. This is the last time I could ever hear from you guys, and what if you're someone who's been reading since the beginning but never reviewed? I'd be so upset! I want to personally thank you all, and I'm planning on PM'ing everyone who reviews this final chapter.

Also, fun fact: my real name is Emily! Mimi is just a nickname I've been going by this whole time. Figured it'd be fun to let you all know that, considering you stuck around with this rather mediocre story until the end. I also love 5SOS, I don't know if I ever told you guys that, so you should really buy Sounds Good Feels Good if you haven't already! (Someone is going to be reading this in like three years and they're going to be shocked by how long ago this was written, haha.)

I apologize for any mistakes in grammar and spelling, as always! Thank you all for sharing the past 988 days with me, from March 16, 2013, to November 29, 2015. You're all the best people in the world, and I can't believe this is it.

Now, for the last time… (It actually hurts a little to say this…)

Love always,

-Mimi