The evening was cool. The gentle warmth of Yuki's presence was gone now. We'd silently watched the moon some more, together. It had been more than enough.
I was still watching the moon, but my mind had become bothered once agin, itchy with scratchy thoughts.
I still needed to see Haruhi.
The last time I'd seen her had been something of a haze. Just her presence had been something nearing overwhelming at the time but now I had my head back. Things had remained unresolved for far too long between me and her, and now especially, just like with everyone else, I needed to untangle that messy knot.
I needed to see Haruhi.
After my apparent death (I still had something of a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing), things had become even clearer. The world was sharp and jagged. Yeah, that was right. Sharp and jagged – like a knife. The smells from earlier had hit me hard, much like the moonlight. It really was time to cut through the bullshit.
I returned to my hospital room, still empty. Apparently I'd barely been away for an hour, according to the dumb clock on the wall. Haruhi was still away, probably eating and maybe cleaning up a little. She'd looked pretty bad. Hopefully she was remembering to take care of herself. More often than not, the girl could really forget the necessities of life when she was focused enough on something. It wouldn't do any of us any good if she ignored herself watching me. I was in a hospital. As far as listing dangerous places go, hospoitals were pretty safe, despite the high mortality rate they happened to possess (it wasn't really their fault that dying people congregated there).
"Lovely evening, isn't it?"
I turned my head around at the voice. Standing by the window, draped in shadows and the glow of moonlight stood Fuyumi, watching the moon, running a hand through her messy, stringy hair, looking rather worn and tired although the gentle smile she gave the moon was equally radiant in its own way.
"You... you... you tried to kill me!"
My hand went to clutch at my stomach immediately as i took several steps back.
"No to the first and an especially uncertain maybe to the second
"What the hell are you doing here?" My other hand was reaching blindly behind me for the handle as I did what little I could to buy time, which sounded a lot better than yelling frightfully with little control over what was being said.
The smile widened at the corners. "Tying up loose ends... there's a certain quality about you I've yet to understand, but it's clear to me that you too will have to be dealt with. My sister seems adamant in remaining within the dream and any and all defenses she has placed around will apparently leap to her rescue."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I am the end of the dream that is life. I am the cold embrace of the void. I am the only absolute in all of existence."
"...No."
"Excuse me?"
"No. You are not death. Even Haruhi wouldn't think up something like that morbid to haunt around her. It's too damn morbid, even for her. Especially for her."
"She, like any human in time, has come to fully realize that life has it's endings... and the ending."
...No, it couldn't be. Just because she was worried about the SOS brigade ending didn't mean she was thinking of her own life ending, did it? Fuyumi had appeared in the flesh the first time at a rather uncoincidental, if you thought about it.
"Everyone is vaguely concious of that fact of their demise as some distant eventuality," Fuyumi continued, "But sooner or later true understanding dawns that your time is limited, that it all ends."
"No, shut up."
"But it is a moot converstional point. I am not of her design in any shape or design. I was there before life and existence. I was the whole and the balance. I was nothing. But then she was born by her own will. And the duality of imbalance was born. Where nothing had been, darkness and light battled, life fought and died, pain and suffering spread. But don't worry, I'm here to end it all.
"You are not death. Get over yourself. Death doesn't stalk around in the shadows, waiting to strike when you're not looking. It isn't merciful or devious. Death is... it's not you. I know. You're not death. Death doesn't walk around killing people awkwardly."
"Wyslawa Szymborska might disagree with you."
"Huh?
"Never mind. Do go on," Fuyumi said nonchalantly, as if she was some therapist listening to the boring rantings of an idle housewife's woes.
"You're not death. Get over yourself. You're way too... up front about it. Not even a death Haruhi would fathom to any degree, as if she even considers the possibility she'll ever die the way she carries on. If you were death, you would truly have been mankind's companion since the beginning. Not to mention this cruel little bitch. Death isn't smug and theatric, it just is. It isn't malicious or even merciful. It's the lack, the absence of everything. It's the void. I would know. You're not death. You're just messed up in the head."
"It's understandable. Death can be such an immensely personal thing to so many. Death is an absolute, but it does not mean all see it the same way. It's a shame you shan't have the time to read some Szymborska... but then again, it wouldn't really matter, now would it?"
I'd finally found the the handle behind after a nerveracking search half lifstening to the ramblings of someone who was clearly insane. With all the strength left in my body I twisted about, earning a painful as I yanked on the door
It didn't budge.
"You can't leave."
"What?"
"I've made sure of it. This place, this little room... it no longer exists in line with the rest of your world. I untethered it from its strings to the world... Now what was it the crass scientists called it...? Ah, yes. It's 'out of phase', whatever that means."
Out of phase? Scientists? Traps? What the hell? Seriously, what the hell was this girl?
"If you wanted to kill Haruhi... why didn't you just do it then? When even I was out of the way, recoloring the pavement."
"Kill her when her thoughts were so fully focused on you? When her focus had shifted to you instead me or out of concern for herself? A terrifically bad idea, most indubitably. What if her powers had gone to you instead of me, released from her mortal coils?"
"You want her powers?"
"I need the cycle to begin again, by whatever means necessary. I need her to feel and know with absolute certainty that this world will end, that there is no point in continuing, so from destruction can creation be born yet again. If you only had a limited amount of toy blocks to play with, how could you build anything new with them already being used up?"
"And what's wrong with the way the blocks are right now?"
"The cycle has been stopped. It must begin anew."
"Why?"
"This is but a mere permutation. Form seeking perfection. Do you understand? You draw a circle, but the circle isn't a perfect one ever, is it? Not truly. Maybe there's a bump, maybe it's a bit too elliptical. But the idea, the form of an ideal circle exists, doesn't it? This is a world, imperfect. But there exists the form of an ideal world. That is what we seek. That is what I must create. We must reach perfection. It is my solemn duty along with my sisters'. So you see, you must all die. Death is only the beginning."
"Tell it to Plato, sister."
"Why can't you get it? Why must you impede me? Do you have any idea how long it has taken to orchestrate this? How much planning, how much watching this all entailed? How many strings I had to pull? "
"…It really was you, wasn't it? You were the one who got everyone all excited and roused up for war the first time? And then you made sure they tried again, so they'd take each other out… so you'd have a clear shot at Haruhi…"
Fuyumi smiled, teeth showing a little with pride, before she returned to staring intently at me through half-slitted eyes, almost as if gazing through a hazy half-dream. "I must wake my sister so she can start dreaming once more. She should not be here, within the dream. I need her thoughts focused fully on herself, to know that the end of this world is now and to seek escape. Just herself in that frenzied moment when life becomes most precious, when one knows their life unlike any time before, so intimately that all she will know is herself at its truest, most basic and seek to escape with it, leaving all else but herself behind. Then we three shall all be together once more. And we can dream a new dream again. As is meant."
"You were... you're planning to let her die, slowly? You bitch! You absolute, horrible little bitch!"
"Now, now... there's no need to get so dramatic about it, Fuyumi said with a sly smile, perhaps an ironic self-aware one."
"I'm going to stop you," I managed to somehow push the words out through tightly gritted teeth
"You can't stop me. It's not in my nature." Fuyuni stood up straight, taking a deep breath in preparation. "Now, I do believe the time has come for me to end it all. I bid thee farewell, young prince. In hours taxing, in darkness vexing, find comfort as you see fit. Pray, cry or hate, none of it truly matters now. Though none ever did. Fear not however, for I bring thee the greatest gift life can ever receive; it's removal. You shall know peace once more." She held out her hand, turning it about slowly in front of her as if showcasing something small in the palm of her hand for a little crowd around her.
"Where are you going now?"
"You know where I'm going."
"It..." my mind tossed and turned, looking for any way to protect Haruhi. "You can't. You can't leave. Going after Haruhi... it'd be pointless."
"Oh?"
"Yeah... we – we're linked. Always have been. 'It takes two to tango'. What affects her affects me and vice versa. We've got a bond... something that'll keep the world going. I'm... I'm the key. I was ther when it all started. I've been in the center of itaall from the beginning. Her adventures focus on me."
Fuyumi was silent for a moment, oddly enough giving this some thought. Her eyes travelled around me, edging around my silhouette. "It is true there is an odd... connection between the two of you in the very foundations of this world I haven't yet figured out... 'key' you say... ah yes, that film of hers..."
"I'm in her thoughts more than you think..." I was ready to do whatever it took right now, just to buy time for Haruhi, maybe even... No, don't go there, not yet. Not when there's still a chance. "I shape this world along with her. You can't just do Haruhi and be done with it." What the hell was I saying? Where was I going with this? "She's invested too muvh in me... who knows what that means in the great scheme of things. How do you know she hasn't – hasn't been dishing out admin rights to... to keep things interesting. It's no fun just running flat... you gotta have walls, obstacles, something to push and bounce against... and sometimes to lean on for support. That's how it works. Everyone else might be pawns in our game, but I'm her castle piece."
"Hmm... Rook."
"Huh?"
"It's called a rook."
"Yeah. Right. She's the queen and I'm her rook."
"...Or king."
"Sure. You can't win without taking the king."
"What are you trying to do, Kyon? Win my heart over?"
"What?"
"You do wish to die for her, don't you? You really do love spring sister, don't you?"
"I... It won't work without taking me out. We're one in the same. One pushes and the other shoves."
"Hmm... maybe that's why it all leads to you, why all the strings end with you..."
I gulped nervously. "Yeah..."
"So... do you wish to return to my embrace first then, before my sister? "
People like Yuki, Koizumi and Asahina-san had to be coming around at some point. Not for me, of course, I was trapped now, somehow. But if they couldn't get to me. They'd realize Haruhi would be next, wouldn't they?
I had to do this. I have to buy Haruhi as much time as I can. Any second could count. It had when I'd dived for her, landing between her and the knife.
I had to do it.
I had to sacrifice myself.
I had to die.
Didn't I?
I had Fuyumi's attention now, but all she cared about was ending things, Haruhi, the world and maybe even me. And if I weren't to end by her, on her terms... it'd be off to Haruhi to end it all.
Forget Koizumi's theories and everything else, I couldn't live in a world without her. Everything would end for me, if Haruhi wasn't there to push me on. I hadn't really had a chance to explore my life as it was now without Haruhi, but I was pretty sure in the end I would have just settled. But while Haruhi had sponged off me and become more down to earth, I had leeched something off her. I don't think I can settle anymore either. It's all or nothing. Haruhi and everyone has to live, even if it's only for a second longer than me. Because the reverse would be worse than death. It would be life, but without meaning. It would be settling. It would be letting the dream die. And I couldn't stop dreaming of a better tomorrow along with Haruhi anymore. I had ended up running back to her. I had died for her. She was my world now.
"Do it."
Fuyumi stared at me thoughtfully. "Or perhaps I should simply hurry on. I've waited quite a long time for this and even my patience is wearing thin. And you are trapped in here."
"No!"
I tried to reach out and grab Fuyumi by the hand, to stop her, but just as I moved, she vanished. One moment she was there and the other... she had simply flickered out of existence with a slight shift of weight from one heel to the other.
"NO! Come back!"
I ran for the door and yanked on it again, putting both hands around the handle, but nothing happened. I tried slamming my shoulder against it, but all that resulted in was agitating my stomach wound.
I turned around and looked at the window, but before I even tried it, i noticed the leaf blowing in the wind... or actually not blowing in the wind. Suspended in the night air, a single leaf hung like a picture in the middle of the moon's silhouette. There was no need to even try. Even if something hadn't been done to window as well, I was at least two-stories up and in the condition I was in...
"Damn it... it can't end like this. Please, somebody... do something..."
"Well, well… looks like I finally have you by the heart strings, Kyon," the voice of Fuyumi was like the chill winter wind passing through skeletal trees, just as she had wanted me to remember her name. I turned around and found that she had her hand deep inside me, half of her arm gliding along my side as I turned, her hand deeply embedded where my heart was, no doubt clutched firmly around it, by the look of things. "Careful now. You wouldn't want me to lose focus. Really messy when matter phases back inside other matter."
"You'll lose your hand."
"Maybe. You have no idea how my powers work. Besides, a heart versus a hand? The fist always triumphs over heart, haven't you learned anything in history?"
Ba-thump. Ba-thump.
"Honestly, what's a hand before the release into the embrace of oblivion?"
Ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump.
"I am all things. I am pain and suffering. I am love and warmth. I am hate and cold. I am cruel and merciful. I am the only absolute. I am thus everything."
Ba-thump-ba-thump-ba-thump.
"Enough with the theatrics already," I said, my heart pounding so hard I could barely hear her over it. "If you're gonna do it... just do it."
"...As you wish. I shall be merciful and grant your wish... you deserve it."
I could see the sinews tighten in Fuyumi's hand, the muscles contrict as she prepared to rip out my aching heart. It'd be over soon and Haruhi... she'd live on, for a little longer at least, and somehow, in this tiny room, in this choking moment, it was all worth it.
The soft slide of metal was deafening as I heard the handle of the door behind me turn.
"Kyon, you up? I was thinking we cou– what the hell are you doing to him, you –" Haruhi's shocked voice stopped dead as Fuyumi turned languidly to look over her shoulder, turning just enough so Haruhi could see her hand inside my chest. "What – what the hell are you?"
"The same as you, but different of course, my spring sister."
I took my chance and leapt backwards, using Haruhi's distracting presence to its full advantage, but as I lunged backwards, I could feel a sharp pain on my chest. As I grabbed my chest, the sting catching me off guard, I looked down hurriedly, afraid to see nothing but a big bloody mess where my heart used to be, but there were only three blossoming dots of crimson on my shirt, blooming around three small holes in my gown.
"Eugh, I hate it when it gets under my nails," Fuyumi said with disgust, scowling at three fingers that were dripping blood before she shook it, droplets of my blood splattering against the floor.
"Kyon!" Haruhi shouted, and by some form of instinct I hadn't realized I had, I knew her shout was a warning.
I rolled just as I spotted the foldable chair behind Haruhi as she grabbed it and hurled with astounding speed at us. I landed on my side against a wall, just in time to see the chair pass through Fuyumi and crash through the window behind her, showering me in sharp shrapnel that tore at my arms as I brought them to cover my face.
"What the hell are you?" Haruhi yelled.
"The end of tragedy. The beginning of peace,"
I heard something metallic clink, followed by the heavy thumping sound of fabric falling on the floor.
"Kyon, run!" Haruhi shouted.
"Wait!"
What the hell was she thinking? She couldn't possibly be trying to attack!
The patter of running feet, followed by a swoosh came next. I saw a flash of silver slice through Fuyumi.
"Get up and go!" Haruhi shouted again.
I got up, grunting as the shards of glass in my arms shifted, and saw that Haruhi had taken the the long metallic hatstand and was using it with the proficiency of a shaolin monk if you asked me, twirling and spinning it, never a wasteful move in her, striking at Fuyumi, but never making contact as the crude weapon passed through our assailant.
"Give up. Your time has come. You cannot fight the inevitable," Fuyumi said with an little smile. Whther it was there to mock or genuinely simply amused by our efforts, I couldn't have told you.
"Kyon, go!" Haruhi shiouted in between swings.
"I can't just lea-"
"I'll follow, idiot!"
I took off, running as fast as I could for the open door, but stopped as I passed through it, wanting to make avsolutely sure Haruhi wasn't left behind, turning around to see if she was still okay. This was a mistake.
"Move!" Haruhi nearly crashed into me as she ran for the door, just microseconds behind me.
She grabbed me by the wrist, a piece of glass sliding into the upper side of my arm as she squeezed, but the pain barely registered, as I ran along with Haruhi for our lives.
Some people shouted as we rushed through night time wards, but our escape was completely unhindered. Soon we were outside and running along the pavement of dark streets.
We didn't stop until we'd zigged and zagged our way through what must have a dozen blocks at the least. What ended up as momentary shelter when we paused was the wall of a closed convenience door. We both leaned againt the wall, side by side, panting desperately for breath in the cool night that tickled your hot skin and burning lungs.
"What – the – hell – was – that – ?" Haruhi asked between pants. " She had – her hand – inside – your chest."
"I…" I struggled to explain, but the thought of exposition, true or false, was washed off as Haruhi placed her hand against my furiously beating chest. Then she grabbed a hold of the bloody fabric and tore a chunk of it off, a big chunk, as she stepped in front of me, still panting heavily as she stared at my chest, pressing her hand against the bleeding spot.
"You're bleeding," she said, staring at my chest with a rather vacant look in her eyes. It was probably shock. What else could it be?
"Oh, hadn't – noticed," I said, most of my sarcasm completely lost by my winded voice
"We have to – to fix you up."
"It – it's just a little scratch. A flesh wound. I'll make it," I said with a fair amount of certainty until my nerves finally managed to make themselves heard in my over-heated brain. My stomach and hands were stinging like they had legions of scorpions with electric pincers fighting to the death.
"Nnngh..." I gritted my teeth at the suddenly registering brain.
Haruhi however didn't respond. She was still staring at my naked, bleeding chest.
"Haruhi…"
"What?"
"You can let go of my chest now."
It really was the least of my worries right now.
"Huh?" she panted, turning her sweaty face upwards, looking like she didn't quite understand, still a bit disoriented by the confusion in our current surroundings. "Oh, sorry," she said, letting go, her palm slowly lifting off my chest, fingers tips curling away from my hot skin. "C'mon, we have to move," she said with a sudden determination in her voice.
Haruhi took my hand and pulled me away, leading the way in a hasty trot I was barely ready to keep up with, because my whole body ached, especially my arms with the cutting shrapnel in them, but fear kept us both going, strong and fast, even through the burning pain in my lungs.
"I can't believe it… I finally find something supernatural, extraordinary, crazy – and it wants to kill us. Heh, just my luck." Haruhi gave a little, weak, slightly manic laugh.
I made an affirmative grunt.
We hurried along for quite a while before I realized where we were headed. Haruhi was taking me to her private little spot in the hills. It looked like 'Melancholy Hill' (as I had just suddenly dubbed it) would serve as our next pit stop.
It surprisingly didn't take as long as I had remembered to climb the hill, but I suppose aching wounds can have an odd effect on you perception of time.
I sat down on the same log, panting as deeply as I could. I would have been bent over double if it didn't hurt my stomach like a kick in the guts any time I tried to bend over or something. I would have happily remained like that for hours if it hadn't been for the sudden and extremely sharp pain that shot up my right arm.
"Ouuuch!"
"Shut up, you big baby."
I looked over to my side to find Haruhi sitting next to, pulling at a piece of glass, probably a good 5 centimeters across, fully focused on the task at hand. The shard popped out with a sickening squelch.
"Ahh! Damn it!"
At least the shard's length had only been something of a sixth of its width.
Haruhi kept working, luckily only smaller shrapnel left to pry from my skin. Most of them were little more than little cuts, but the larger one she'd removed first kept bleeding. She stopped her work for a while, examining the large wound with a deep frown. Suddenly, she reached up into her hair and started untying the ribbon on her head.
"Too bad we don't have some alcohol," she muttered as she put the ribbon aside. She gave the wound another look and then turned her focus to her sleeve. After a little tussling with it she managed to rip it off and then returned her focus to the bigger wound.
"Seriously? You wanna drink now?"
"Geez, you're just all kinds of stupid. Alcohol for your wounds. If you hadn't noticed, we're in a forest. You could get an infection… though a drink might not be so bad right about now either." Haruhi returned her focus to my biggest wound, looking for little pieces still stuck inside.
"Ungh," I grunted as she pulled a little shard next to the big wound out, "Yeah… sure would take the – unnh" I grunted as Haruhi pulled a particularly long, almost needle-looking piece out of me, "– edge off."
"Please." Haruhi took her tattered sleeve and wrapped it around my arm. "Don't make this more painful," then she gave a rather forceful tug to tighten the knot, "with lame puns."
"...Wasn't that a pun?"
"Shut up before I punch you."
That was definitely a pun, but I wasn't going to risk saying it right now, what with the look in Haruhi's eyes as she dressed my wounds to the best of her knowledge. She had now lifted up a flat rock and was placing it against my wrapped wound.
"What are you doing?"
"Applying pressure."
"But you can't..."
Haruhi took her ribbon and swung it around my arm and the stone and tied it all together tightly so that the stone was pressed to my wound.
"How did you know to do that?" I asked, amazed by the pressure I was indeed feeling against the wound.
"You taught me," Haruhi stated simply as she gave my other arm an examination, far fewer shards scattered across it than on the right arm.
"Oh... I guess I did..."
"But of course I had to come up with a little improvement," she said with her usual ego.
I couldn't stop my lips from curving at the edges a little.
Pulling out what little pieces remained in my left arm, apparently satisfied with her work, Haruhi got up, looking as severely dour with her thoughts.
"We should call the police or something, shouldn't we? …No, what's the point? It's not like they'd believe us or be able to even do anything if they did believe us. Everything just passes through her…" she seemed to think out loud as she started pacing in front of me. "We can't… we can't endanger the others. She's after you, right? And maybe me as well. She hasn't shown any interest in the others yet, so we're gonna keep it like that. We can't go anywhere near the others."
This… was not a good plan. The others were exactly the type of people we needed to be around, but how could I convince Haruhi of this? I certainly couldn't fault her logic. If I had been in her position, unknowing of their skills and powers, I wouldn't have wanted to draw them into trouble either.
But we had to find the others. I couldn't think of anything else.
"No, we have to go. Or, actually, I have to go. We need help. Stay here. I know some people who might be able to help."
I got up to leave, but before I'd barely taking a step I was pushed down.
Owww...
I turned over onto my side to see what the hell was up this time. I was already opening my mouth to tell Haruhi off for pushing me over, but the look on her face made stop cold. She grabbed me by the shoulders pushed me further down onto my back, pinning me in place.
"Don't… I already nearly lost you once… I can't… can't let that happen again. I'm responsible, I'm your leader."
I looked into her desperate eyes and something... moved inside me, like a boulder tumbling over as a tiny rock underneath that no one would have guessed to be crucially supportive was removed. "...You used that line before on me."
"Line?"
"Hmm... I... I'm really not sure how to go about this. I needed to see you and... and things are... things have changed but the way I see you... but right now, things are like this and...
"...What the hell are you talking about?"
"I don't know... I really don't know anymore. I'm all out of ideas. It's just not gonna work like this between the two of us so... I don't know."
"Huh? Seriously, what the hell...?" "Wait, are you talking about what happened... before?"
"Uhmmm... before?"
"Before... all this?"
"Oh, you mean... yeah, we should talk, shouldn't we? We haven't really had a chance and now... is actually an even worse time to so, come to think of it."
"Yeah, agreed, it's just... Oh for crap's sake! This is too damn awkward! Kyon, look! You nearly died! We can't – we can't let opportunities slip by anymore. I can't let myself be dragged down by my fears and worries any longer so... so... so..." the bluster with which she'd started her speech ebbed as she looked into my eyes and she seemed to lose her way for a moment, "so I'm going to put it all on the line and tell you... how I... how I feel."
"I... I think I'd like to hear that."
I was pushing everything and –one back, so I wouldn't be held down by anything or lose out on something… but now, I think… I think if I don't…"
Her hold tightened on my shoulders, fingers starting to dig painfully into them.
I think if I don't hold onto what I already have… I think I'll end up losing something even bigger
Look, Haruhi..." I really wanted to hear more actually, to hear her thoughts and fears and hopes and to be there for her whether she need me or not, but this wasn't the time for...this. "We can't just stay here. What if –"
"Kyon, stop fighting me. I need you to – I need you – I need – I –"
Suddenly soft lips were locked against mine, freezing me in place with electrically paralyzing shock. At first she had her eyes closed, but soon enough they cracked open to unveil an intense stare, soon after which: "We only have a year together, all us and, and the way things were going with you, how easy it was to just... just settle, I guess... I was... I need to do something to get back on track. It was just too... nice, arguing with you about stuff like my plans, so I needed to make sure time wouldn't just pass me by."
"You... actually felt pressured for time? Because you were enjoying your time with me?" "Time goes faster when you're having fun, right?" Haruhi said with a faint little smile. But it soon vanished. "Kyon… don't ever… I don't ever want to lose you. When I threw you out, I… I almost immediately realized how big a mistake it was and how much you mean to me and then I nearly lost you for good and… and I can't let that happen. You mean too much to me. You're my greatest opponent, remember? Without you… I… I'm just… just me, but with you… I'm… I'm something more than I really thought I ever could be. You push me and I push you back and we… we work. With you, I'm really theSOS Brigade leader. Without you, it's just me playing pretend. I need you in my Brigade, Kyon. I need you in my life. I… I need you… Life just isn't any fun without you."
"I… uh…" The striking sensation of Haruhi's warm, smooth lips over mine was still with me, the heat on my lips feeling like it was spreading all over my face now. "I… I kind of feel the same, I guess. You… well, you don't exactly complete me or anything idiotically inane like that, but I… I need you too. I love spending time with you."
"Just… time…?"
"…"
Does she want me to say something... different? But before I had to try and give some sort of answer that would most certainly have been very awkward, Haruhi seized control of the situation again in her typical, confident manner.
"That's okay. I'm really not looking for anything like that, I just… I don't want to lose you and I… I think the best way for that to happen… is if I… give you… incentive to… want to stay with me…"
"Oh, is that it, huh? You want to give me incentive"
"…"
Haruhi looked almost taken aback by what I'd said, before her shocked expression switched into an angry frown after a few blinks of her eyes. "Yeah! Geez, you really know how to wreck the mood, you know!"
Mood? Never mind, I'll let that one go. "Maybe for you, but you trying to claw through my shoulders sort of wrecked it all for me before hand."
"Oh, I… sor-" Haruhi hurriedly released her sharp hold on my shoulder, looking distressed at first, but turning an angry pink almost immediately afterwards. "Well why didn't you say anything, idiot!" she shouted at me and then rolled over with her hands crossed onto her back, pouting.
For a small cooling moment, lyingunder stars, side by side, we let the cold starlight soak into us.
"You're annoying and you need to be put in your place, but…You've always been by my side, my biggest supporter, someone I can always bounce my ideas off of and get an honest opinion. I could always count you to be there for me. You're like a wall, something I can always keep battering at, make myself stronger against the world and all the losers who would be stupid enough to try and stop me, but also someone I could lean on when I just… whenever I just felt like it. It's not because I really need you or anything! It's just nice, sometimes…"
"Yeah, it is nice. Sometimes," I said rather diplomatically.
"Un." Haruhi nodded curtly in agreement
Funny. The way she described our relationship, it sounded just like my weak efforts. You could try to put what we had into words but it would always somehow come short of the real thing in so many ways.
But now I felt like I should say something after the bubbling expulsions of my... Haruhi (no other description still fit her; Haruhi is Haruhi. It's a simple tautolgy, but it works).
"...Thanks... for returning to favor."
"Huh? For kissing you back? Yeah, that definitely counts as a huge favor from me to you. In fact, I think you owe me now. Big. Very big."
"No, for saving me."
"Huh?"
"You really did save my life back there."
"Yeah… I know that… but what did you mean by returning the favor?"
"Never mind…"
"… Oh no you don't!" Suddenly Haruhi was leaning over me, frowning with dissatisfied curiosity. "Tell me!"
And before I knew it (an odd turn of phrase), I was being assaulted by probing fingers, as if they could dig or coax something extra from me, tickling me. It made me laugh at first. It made her smile. And that made me happy. But it also made me hurt, laughing like that.
"Ah, stop! heheh! no, seriously! Ah!"
A sudden pain stole through my chest as it heaved in uncontrolled laughter.
"Oh crap, did I hurt you?"
"No…"
"Haruhi's curiosity quickly disappeared in her worry for me. "Hey, idiot! If you're in pain, say it! People have nerves for a reason. Not to mention I despise people who aren't being honest."
"Well, as long as we know what's going wrong for you…" I said with caring sarcasm.
"…Shut up." Haruhi turned to look at my injuries, and then, as she noticed my stare, quickly averted her eyes towards the sky before she rolled away back onto her back next to me.
I thought I'd finally accidentally found a way to quiet her down, unintentionally of course, but then she spoke, stilll staring upwards.
"Kyon, you promise you'll stay with me?"
"…"
"It's just that… the world always felt so empty, boring and pointless, so I did all I could to fix that, but it never really changed, not fundamentally, just superficially with the Brigade, but with you… life doesn't feel so bad…"
"Yeah, I promise, but only if –"
"What?" Haruhi asked hurriedly, a sudden worry in her voice as she interrupted me.
"…As long as you promise me the same thing. I don't want to lose you either and I think if I lose you, I'll lose everything else. You make my life bearable too, not just a boring thing you pass through, you give it… I took a time so long it even surprised myself to come with a word that felt even remotely correct to describing how Haruhi made me feel. Even so, it didn't feel like a perfect fit, but the moment called for something to be said. you give it fulfillment."
"I promise." Haruhi said.
She took my hand, squeezing it tightly. I squeezed it back.
"And now… someone's trying to kill us or worse… I just…"
Haruhi's hand tightened around mine.
"Hey don't worry. We'll be okay. We're together."
This was met with a response I hadn't expected, though I guess I should have. Haruhi gave a little snort.
"This is all starting to sound like some stupid love confession."
"... No... it sounds like something that should have been said a long time ago... by both of us. Haruhi, I... to me you're... You're special to me, all right, there I said it. Can we just leave it at that?"
"…Yeah, let's," Haruhi said quietly, shaking my hand a little, staring expressionlessly upwards at the stars.
And then, a small but very happy looking smile spread across her face as she squeezed on my hand again.
"It's getting kind of cold…" Haruhi said, moving a little closer to me, snuggling her way next to my side in a way that still managed to feel somewhat guarded
I straightened out my arm and Haruhi carefully moved so that she could rest against my shoulder, without touching my sore forearms
"You okay like this?" she asked worriedly, glancing at my wrapped arm before giving me a questioning look
"Yeah, just fine."
"Good. Now don't get any ideas."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"As if, you lecher."
We stared at the sky, and turned to look each other in the eye at exactly the same time, faces nearly touching
"So why'd you kiss me earlier?" we both asked the other in unison
We blinked.
We looked away.
We turned to face each other again.
"You first," we spoke together again.
"Uh," Haruhi gave a frustrated sigh, shaking her head a little. "Fine. I needed you to stop fighting me, to calm down. Stuff like that always works on guys. Besides, being chased by a murderous loon obviously had us both running on adrenalin and such anyway, so it's only natural I wasn't thinking perfectly clearly."
"Right."
"What about you? You don't have any excuse, though I'm sure you're even now trying to come up with a little lie to cover it up."
"I –" Damn. "I… I honestly don't know."
"…Don't give me that crap."
"No, I really mean it. When I came to you that night and I found you… well, I don't know how to really describe it but… it was like I didn't have a choice, it felt like the only thing I could do."
Again a pause occurred in our conversation, before we turned to each other again in amazing synchronization to continue where we'd left off. It was as if I'd developed some sort of sixth to know when to turn and listen to her.
"You know… you were… my first."
"Huh?"
"I've been on a lot of dates before, but none of them ever kissed me."
Either they were never even given the chance or wised up and realized nothing good could come from it, which I now know all too well.
"Do we… really have to talk about this? This is all awkward enough as it is. Not to mention crazy, present circumstances considered."
"I don't know. This is all just… so new and confusing. I thought stuff like this was stupid… and I was right. It doesn't make sense. So, that's why… I'd like it to make sense."
"I don't think stuff like this ever makes sense," I said, remembering my time Sasaki.
"Yeah…"
And just like that, after a short pause, it happened. We kissed again. It came perfectly naturally, without any hesitation or awkwardness. We both turned to face each other after the little silence followed by our agreement on the awkwardness of our conversation matter, and gave the other a soft smooch on the lips. We looked at each other uncertainly for only a moment afterwards, before we both realized what had gone wrong the first time, and once again kissed, only for longer this time, with more certainty than ever before that what we were doing was as perfect between us as anything could be. There was no need to talk right now. If either one of us opened up our 'smart' mouths we'd just wreck things.
Once again Haruhi and I found ourselves under the shelter of stars, but instead of watching and experiencing the splendor of the night, neither one of us could keep their eyes, or even hands, off the other.
That night two people came together and were as close to being one as was possible.
Afterwards in the warm glow of the night, the wind started to pick up, rustling the leaves and knocking branches together like hollow bones.
"So this is where I find you… how endearing and sad as well, that the two of you find each other now, at the end, only to lose each other… I'm afraid Atropos must arrive once more to separate two foolish star-crossed lovers."
"Oh crap. Run, Kyon, run!"
Haruhi grabbed me by my wrist and ran off, hap hazadly pulling me along behind her in her haste. A low hanging branch nearly took my head off as we veered off into the dark.
"Why do you run, srping sister? Soon it will all end. Soon you will both be put to rest."
We ran through the forest, nearly tripping over each and every root in our way. This wasn't going to work, was it? I was slowing us down. Every step was a near Herculean effort for me. If it wasn't my lungs and arms stinging, it was my stomach that felt like it wanted to jump out and make its own escape without the rest of to slow it down.
"Haruhi, go on without -"
"Don't you even dare, dumbass!" Haruhi snarled as she yanked on my hand and hurried down the hill.
"I only want to give you what life denies."
That was close. How could she be so close? I couldn't see Fuyumi or let alone even hear her approaching us.
I heard the slice cut through the air before I saw the flash of moonlight reflected on the blade. I ducked just in time, feeling the air rush past the hair on my neck. And just as I looked up to see if another attack was coming, I saw Fuyumi step aside and disappear into the shadows again.
"What the hell?" Haruhi yelled as she made a sharp turn, nearly reversing our course completely as we ran in a new direction.
We reached an open space and stopped there, back to back, both panting heavily as our eyes darted about.
It was clear we couldn't outrun Fuyumi, so... so... was this it? Our last stand?
"What the hell do you want?" Haruhi shouted out into the darkness. "Why us?"
"Because I love you and everyone else," a voice answered from out of sight.
"What?"
"I will end this charade. This mockery of life ends now. I will kill you! And destruction will breed creation, as is meant to be."
And then I heard the odd sound of a wet thud, of steel hitting tissue. I looked down at the person leaning into me with a knife, not even feeling the thing anymore. My whole body was already a wreck. Everything was numb and tingly if it didn't feel like it was on fire. The knife was pulled out with a sickening squelch and I flet my legs give out from under me, setting me down on my knees.
"And now... it all... ends." Fuyumi turned to face Haruhi, knife raised as she took a step closer to her.
"Ruhn..."
I thought I had said it, but I wasn't quite sure if I had, because Haruhi wasn't responding. She had her head down and her fists were curled up and shaking.
And then, she looked up.
Haruhi, seething with anger, teeth gritted in a fierce animal-like snarl, charged at Fuyumi.
"Leave us alone!"
The scream howled in the roar of the wind that had suddenly picked up. I thought I could see a faint blue glow in Haruhi's eyes as her fist connected with Fuyumi's cheek. And boy, did it connect. Fuyumi was actually thrown off her feet by the punch. As she stumbled backwards with horrified fear in her wide eyes, she clutched at her bruised cheek, red as an apple, as crimson blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.
"Yuh-you… you h-hit me… you a-actually hit m-me…" Fuyumi stuttered. "H... how?"
I now knew fully what the fear of God looked like. Fuyumi fingers were digging into her cheek, squeezing it tighter than a life line in a storm, her hand quivering in primal fear. Her eyes, always so dark and empty, held a shaking terror, that knew fight or flight were no longer even options, utterly hopeless. She looked all too human.
"No!" Fuyumi screamed as her body began to sink into the ground suddenly. "No! What's happening to me? I can't phase back! I'm sinking! I can feel gravity, pulling me down, strong forces trying to pull me apart! I'm falling apart! No, please, don't! Don't do this to me!" she yelled as in agony, tears now streaming down her face.
"Why!" was the final screech that shattered the night as her body disappeared from sight, buried by the earth.
Silence.
"What… what just happened?" Haruhi asked, her gaze slowly travelling from the spot where Fuyumi had been to her closed fist.
I was too shocked. A fear I'd only felt in nightmares holding me in place. Had I dreamt this befor? Had I been there before? Where was I? Everything seemed blurry and fading into the dark.
Haruhi opened her fist and gazed in stunned fear at her quivering palm, slowly turning it over. "What the hell just happened?" she said in a weak little voice before she collapsed into her knees, completely spent by everything.
I crawled over to Haruhi, still on her knees, looking like a broken doll.
"I wanted her gone… no matter what… even dead… and now… I don't know, she might be… it's almost like… what I thought… it came true…"
"Haruhi…" I sat down next to her on my knees and held her tightly. She leaned in to my hug. "Don't think like that… she's gone… we're safe. Don't let her get to you, don't give her the satisfaction."
Just like back on that island, I was sure she couldn't possibly have wanted anyone to die or hurt. It wasn't in her. Even now with our lives at stake.
"But she's… gone. No more. Like I just… did it? Did I… kill her? How could I touch her…? I don't get it. What did I just do?"
The world seemed to be growing fainter, darker, almost like disappearing around us. I looked about, and it wasn't just dark. I couldn't see the horizon anymore. I could feel a familiar coldness I'd only felt in one place before, in closed space. Objects in the distance seemed to glow faintly with electric blue and then dissipate. The world grew colder, like all warmth was being drained away. My fingers felt cold and weak, but the coldness wasn't a prickling pain on my skin, more a chill that spread and stole away the heat, not something like the dissipation of kinetic energy it should be. It wasn't just like closed space, it was exactly like closed space.
"You didn't do anything wrong. Don't think about it. Stay with me."
"I… did I just… what if…"
"Haruhi," I said as sternly as I could right now, trying to reach her before her fears got a hold of her.
"This isn't right, this doesn't feel right. None of this is right. It shouldn't be like this! What's happening? You nearly died, that girl might have! Again, you're…" Haruhi placed a hand on my open wound, her hand becoming covered in red in a matter of seconds. "Why is everything so horrible and twisted? Why can't this… this nightmare just end?"
The world around us was practically gone, even the faint blue glow disappearing. I didn't even feel cold anymore, all sensation disappearing from my body. I couldn't feel my legs and I wasn't even sure if they were even there anymore.
"I don't want this… I don't want this! I want this all to go away! No more blood! No more of this nightmare! This is isn't what I wanted! This isn't what I've been looking for all this time! No more!"
"No, don't. Don't let her in. It's not a nightmare. Remember. It's a dream, your adventure, your story. Remember the Brigade, all our friends, all the fun times. Remember –"
Snow White.
"Remember this."
I kissed her and the whole world went away.
...
...
...
...
...
..
.
.
.
..
...
...
...
...
...
The ceiling. The ceiling of my room was the first thing I saw. I was really starting to get annoyed by the sight of it for some reason.
Was it all just a dream?
...
Screw that crap!
I bounced out from bed and the knowledge that I at least at my pyjamas on barely even registered as I put on my shoes as fast as I could and raced outside. The fact that I didn't feel any pain when I moved didn't factor in until I'd run several blocks either but even so I didn't stop to take stock of my body. It simply wasn't important enougj. The only thing that mattered right now in this little world of a moment was another body that housed the rest of my life.
I didn't even know where I was going. I was in that much of a hurry. But I found what I was looking for when I passed through a park, where people stopped and watched and then walked off with a shrug.
"Haruhi!"
"Kyon!" Haruhi shouted as she came running my way, also in her sleep clothes, a pair of large boxers that nearly went to her knees and an orange T-shirt too small for her that showed an amble amount of her flat midriff with a little face of a panda on it as well.
We stopped right in fron of each other, bumping heads as we doubled over to catch our breaths. But when we looked up, we did it at exactly the same time.
Haruhi was sweaty and still panting, but the relief in the corners of her eyes was as clear as the morning sky today up this close.
"You… you're okay," she said.
"So are you."
"So…" Haruhi said, standing up straight. "It really was real, whatever it was. Kyon, what the hell happened?"
"I… I honestly don't know." I honestly didn't know what to say to her. Then again, I still didn't have the faintest idea what the deal had been with Fuyumi.
"It felt like a dream. It was crazy. What happened? How did we get back home?" Haruhi asked anxiously, peering about as if something from last night might be hiding behind the nearby bushes.
"I don't know."
Haruhi sat down on a nearby bench. I sat down next to her.
"I can't believe all of this… everything that's just happened. Kyon, there are mysteries out in this world! There really are things that -!"Haruhi stopped all of a sudden, her eyes shifting onto my stomach. She slowly placed her hand against my stomach.
"I'm fine," I said, lifting my shirt to show her what I could feel myself. "There's not even a scar," I said as I verified this for myself as well.
"How…?"
"I don't know." I could guess of course, but...
"Kyon… we… I really need to think about all of this. We finally found something paranormal and…"
"Hey… it's not the end that matters, but the journey, right?"
"Yeah, totally, but… what are you saying…?"
"This won't stop you, will it?"
"What?"
"Just because we suddenly ran into something dangerous… it doesn't mean that… I mean, we've had so much fun together. I'd hate to lose that. I don't want that to go away like this. We have a year, remember? We promised to stick together through all of this."
Haruhi smiled before she wiped her wettening eyes. "Stupid wind… blew sand or something in my eyes."
I smiled back at her, not believing her any more than I thought she did herself
"But seriously, what was all of that? Who or what was this Fuyumi? Why did she come after us?"
"She was obviously crazy, with or without the powers."
"Yeah but… even crazy has its reasons."
The grim pause gave me a chance to look about. The world was bright with a blue sky and green trees with people going about their lives as if nothing had happened, as they always did, no matter what happened. In the end, nothing really changed life. Even what were probably assumed to be terrorist attacks couldn't halt life from... being lived. Life goes on. It finds a way. Etc etc and so on and so on.
"Kyon…"
"What?"
"Let's – uhm," Haruhi bit her lower lip, "How about we don't tell the others what happened?"
"Huh?"
"I don't want them to worry over nothing. It's over any way."
"Well, I guess" I had already plannedon telling them anyway about Fuyumi's fate, though there had been no need to tell them what exactly had passed between me and Haruhi out in the forest in the darkness of the night, hidden away from prying eyes.
"Good, Haruhi said, smiling. "It'll be our little secret," she added,beaming with such happiness and warmth she could have kept a polar excavation in their underwer for the whole trip.
"Yeah," I said, smiling a little at the thought despite myself.
"Kyon, we only have a year together with the proper SOS Brigade… you promise me to help make it worthwhile?"
"I promise."
A kiss was delivered to my cheek, with the receipt for it still in transit most likely.
Haruhi miled playfully. "How's that for incentive? You'll get more if you keep your promise."
"Sure."
"Heh, looks like I've found a brand new way make you do as I please," Haruhi said with a mischievous smirk, winking devilishly at me.
Sigh…
Though I had sighed, it wasn't one of the usual ventilations of frustration associated with Haruhi. The following smirk from me was a clear indicator of this, even to myself.
"But we're really going to have to do something about your breath first though," Haruhi said with a nasty smirk.
WHAT?
Haruhi laughed and ran off.
Off all things to say after everything...
But Haruhi and I shared a 'secret' now, much like me and the rest of the Brigade, and we were closer for it. It was our thing, as far as she knew, and she couldn't have been happier, it seemed.
Things had changed, significantly, and yet somehow nothing had changed either. There was still a year of all of this, with the entire SOS Brigade together, before Asahina-san would graduate. I'd help Haruhi make the best of it. We would all enjoy it for as long as it lasted. And when it would end, what would come, well, we would all just have to handle it when it came to that. But now was a time to live in the present. There would be plenty of time to look back later, when you were no longer able to do what you could do now. But now… now was a time for being with the people you loved for as long as you could, and making every moment count, until it all ended.
Life was good.
A new Beginning. Not the End. Never the End.
END OF ACT TWO
Author's notes: Well, that's that, kind of. The plan had been to write Act 2 and then, perhaps after a small hiatus, to move on to Act 3. Unfortunately, as is often the case, life gets in the way of plans, even best laid ones. I am currently in doing my term of service in the Finnish army, which is mandatory for all capable males (oh, the sexism). I could of course chosen to do civil service and do some kind of work that benefits society in general, but that would have taken twice as much time to complete. And by the time my army service concludes, I'll be looking for a new place of study. So fully completing my grandiose plans for this story are looking rather grim. The only reason I was capable of completing Act 2 was because I had a large amount of the content written before hand (army started in January and ever since there's been more delays than usual, as you guys might have noticed). I simply don't have the time or the energy to write much on my free time. So unfortunately it looks like this might be it for the foreseeable future. The plan for Act 2 had been to conclude the story with the Anti-SOS Brigade while introducing a new villain for the final act. But it seems megalomania took hold of my brain for quite a while. Hell, there's everything with the Tsuruya clan and a tiny loose end with Sam that I never got a chance to fully integrate and explain in the story. So many connections, so many strings left loose and untied... I really do hope I'll be able to return for a final act, but who knows what the future holds. I could be too busy or I could simply lose interest. Continuing to develop Kyon's relationships Uespecially with Haruhi and Yuki), some more development of said characters and others (especially Haruhi after everything that's happened from her point of view), the future of Koizumi's group, the Tsuruya clan and so on. But I've still got around 4 months of service left. And having a life is such a hassle. I honestly can't understand how 'get a life' can ever be used in an insulting manner. Everything's so much easier and stressless when you don't have a life.
Looking back on things, I may have messed up the pacing a bit. I think I should start to write with chapters in mind if I ever get around to Act 3, for which I actually have a few scenes done already, but not nearly enough to continue telling a proper story right now. But as I was saying, I don't really like chapters anymore. I've simply been writing one huge novel and… I don't think that really works with this format. I've just been writing and writing and then going back and chopping it all into readable chunks (I feel somewhere between 5000-9000 is about right). But looking back on things, this may not have been the best for an online story that is periodically updated. The reader can't really choose when and where to stop. As such, a single chapter should probably function better on its own than simply serving the overall story. My bad, sorry. I wrote Act 1 similarly, so I thought I'd stick to the same style. But I do think that as a whole, this story does work well enough. It would be nice to hear some reviews where the whole story is read as such, but that's probably asking for too much. Shame really, as it'd be nice to hear stuff about how my foreshadowing and stuff like that worked, because there was a conscious and perhaps overly methodical process to everything. There's actually a fair amount of stuff in act 1 that only really comes into play in Act 2 (hell, there's even stuff in act 1 that's not supposed to fully kick into gear until Act 3). Yeah, megalomania, it's the only reasonable excuse I can think of. This may not be the proper full ending I'd planned, but it is the intended end of Act 2, so at least there's that level of closure.
Anyway, I'd like to thank anyone who reviewed my story, especially the ones who took their time to try and be as critical as possible. I'm sure I've learned a lot thanks to you. It is definitely interesting to note how differently people can see things, even if I have pointed this subjectivity out many times in context of my story. Even so, each time I hear things I couldn't have imagined myself and rarely the people reviewing share the same critiques and likes for a particular chapter. The most difficult thing I've been trying to learn is to find the write level between explicitness and subtlety, which has been very tricky. For every reader who seems to work out everything from just a few lines of text like they were inside my head there's at least as many people who have a completely different interpretation of everything, which occasionally can unfortunately be a bit detrimental, especially if I'm trying to make some sort of point. But even so, thanks to anyone and everyone who showed even some interest in my story. Having fans of some level was a really nice boost in motivation. I may write stories I'd like to read, but I also want them to be shared. So once again, thank you readers, it's been a pleasure sharing this with all of you. I only wish I could do even more.
